4 months later.
Lenny walked into the front door, slammed it shut with his foot, and dropped his briefcase where he stood. He really fucking hated having to be the type of person who walked around with a briefcase, hell, he hated having to own one. But after about the fourth time getting arrested and having four open cases against you at one time, you need some type of way to keep all the paperwork organized. He let out a long groan, that was not a very encouraging meeting he just had with his lawyers. It was going to cost him a fuck ton of money, along with possible things ranging from community service to not being allowed to play in the city anymore, to actual god damn jail time.
He walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink before going over to the couch and sitting down. He sighed as he took a long sip and then checked his watch, the kids should be home any minute: Ethan from school, the girls from wherever Rose and Abe took them. He decided to lay down for however long he could, since Midge left for the second half of her tour, he was lucky to get three hours of sleep a night, going to his gigs at night, coming home at 4 in the morning, and waking up with the kids by seven, if he was lucky. Lately, one of the girls had been waking up before sunrise and then proceeding to wake the other up so they had someone to play with. Those two didn't play quietly either, which is how he always got woken up.
He quickly finished his drink, kicked off his shoes, and trudged down the hall to the bedroom before unceremoniously plopping on the bed. Just as he closed his eyes, the sound of the front door opening, the children's laughter, and his in-law's bickering reached his ears. He couldn't stop another groan from leaving his mouth, this one full of disappointment instead of the anger from earlier. He checked his wristwatch again before pushing himself up on the bed and then standing just in time for the girls to run into the room and wrap their arms around each of his legs. A small smile came over his face, the first one of the already long day.
"There's my two favorite girls, did you have fun with the grandparents?"
In unison, the girls spoke in their high-pitched voices, "Yes!"
"Good, that's good. Right then, lunch, have you two eaten yet?"
"No," Esther said.
"I'm hungry, daddy,"
"Okay, sweetheart, let's get you two fed. Go on to the kitchen, I'll be right behind you."
The kids ran out of the room, Lenny took a few more seconds for himself and let out another long sigh before following behind them. It wasn't that he was unhappy, that wasn't true. He loved the kids, loved Midge, had a love-hate relationship with comedy, and even started getting along with Rose better, but he wasn't used to this life. There was a reason his Ma had Kitty for so long, more than one reason, really. And Now that Midge was literally on the other side of the world and he was basically a single parent of three, it was a lot; he was overwhelmed, he was tired. It'd been five months since he'd been off the junk but the thought of using was popping in his head more and more lately, it's not like he wanted to get hooked again, he just wanted a break, a time not to worry about things, to relax without a care and the only time he ever had that in his life was when he was getting high, and maybe those first few stops on the tour after him and Midge got hitched.
He shook his head; he had to get his head away from that shit, he had real responsibilities right now, fuck, three tiny people depended on him to live. Ethan was sitting with the girls at the counter ready for his after-school snack, "Hey Dad."
"Hey kid, how was school? Learn anything cool?" Ethan had been trying out calling Lenny dad recently, every once in a while since Midge left. He wasn't sure what made him change his mind on the matter but Lenny didn't complain. He didn't make a big deal of it one way or another, he didn't want to put pressure on the kid, but he couldn't deny he liked it. Which was strange, he never thought he'd want any more kids but he enjoyed having the three under his roof every night. He took out peanut butter, jelly, and bread for the kids to snack on, Rose was already cooking something in the oven that was making his stomach growl, so it wouldn't be too long till dinner was ready.
Speaking of Rose, she and Abe walked out from their part of the apartment and came into the kitchen; he nodded at them in greeting. He couldn't deny it was a little awkward the first few weeks after Midge left, especially because Rose seemed to hate him and Abe sometimes seemed to like him a little too much, but things evened out soon, and they made their own rhythm and schedule, now all getting along well.
"Leonard," Rose greeted.
"Rose," Lenny copied. She was literally the only person in the world who called him by his government name, but whatever, it seemed to make her happy.
"Lenny! How'd the appointment with the uh— how'd the appointment go?" Abe cut himself off, not wanting to talk about lawyers and the problems with the law Lenny was having in front of the kids.
'Terrible' He wanted to say but that'd do no one any good. "Fine, I think. Really, I only understand about a quarter of what they say. I swear, sometimes it feels like they think they're paid by the word."
Abe laughed, "Yes, yes, I know what you mean. Seeing some of those bills, sometimes I think they do get paid on a bi-syllable basis."
Lenny looked at the pile of mail Rose must have brought in with her and he sighed as he picked it up, "Anything interesting in here?" Or just more bills he didn't add.
They were doing fine with money right now, but he wasn't exaggerating how much money lawyers were taking from them, and he felt bad that so much of their money was being wasted because of him, especially because Midge was making so much more money than him right now. Speaking of Midge's money, a bolt of anger shot through him when he flipped to the last envelope and saw another one of Midge's checks. He'd given Susie one week to tell Midge the truth, or else he would. Of course, at the time, his mind was so filled with anger that he didn't account for the fact that they were leaving on tour less than 48 hours after his ultimatum. As far as he knew, Susie was still putting it off four months later, Midge hadn't been able to come home since she'd left, and Lenny didn't exactly think it was a conversation to have on the phone. So for now, Susie got to keep her secret but every time another check came to him the anger came rushing back.
What he needed to do was see his wife, he needed to buy a ticket and go to wherever she was that week. One of the kids laughed at a joke another told, reminding him of why he couldn't just up and leave, school was back on, so it wasn't like he could take them with him, and he couldn't leave them alone either. So he was stuck, stressed, and he really fucking missed his wife. Sure, she called every night for a little while, but they only talked for a few minutes, and then everyone else wanted their turn to talk to her. The worst part was that Hanukkah started in mere days, and she was halfway across the world while the kids were really missing her.
"Do you have a show tonight, Lenny?" Abe asked, more to fill the silence than anything. He didn't expect the way Lenny's shoulders slumped the crease that formed between his brows.
Abe studied him properly for the first time in weeks and didn't like what he saw. Lenny looked run-down, tired, like life had been taking swings at him and landing every hit. Even that ever-present glint of defiant humor in his eyes was dimmed. Warning bells went off in Abe's head. He knew Lenny's demons—knew that just because a man stopped didn't mean he was done forever.
"Yeah, two, actually."
Abe frowned. "Maybe you should cancel. You've been working almost every night since Midge left. Take a break before you drop dead in the middle of a set and traumatize an entire audience."
Lenny huffed a laugh, but it didn't have its usual bite. "I'll put it on the schedule. Right between 'do my taxes' and 'take up yoga.'"
Rose, who had just pulled something out of the oven, wiped her hands on a dish towel and gave Lenny a once-over.
"You do look worn out, you know what would help with that?"
Abe's eyes snapped shut. "Rose."
"A full-time maid," she continued breezily, ignoring her husband's groan. "Zelda already knows how things work around here—she should be with us all the time."
"Rose, we don't need a full-time maid. Zelda already comes three days a week. I'd say that's plenty of time to judge me."
"She's not judging you, Leonard."
"She absolutely is. Every time she hands me a plate, she sighs. I have never in my life been handed a more disappointed pork chop."
Abe smirked, but Rose pressed on. "She's like family."
"Family you have to pay," Lenny countered.
"Family who can help. Who can watch the kids when we need a break."
Lenny let out a long breath, rubbing a hand down his face. He was too exhausted to fight. "Fine. Talk to Midge. Whatever she wants is fine."
Rose's lips curled in victory. "Good."
"But just so we're clear," Lenny added, "when Zelda inevitably starts a secret revolt to get me kicked out of the apartment, I want to be informed."
Rose rolled her eyes and slapped his shoulder, although lovingly. The phone rang, and the kids jumped up, used to Midge calling around that time. Rose was the first to the phone as she took off one earring so the phone could rest comfortably between her shoulder and ear, "Hello, Weisman and Bruce residence."
Lenny rolled his eyes, Rose was set on making people believe this was her place, and Midge and Lenny were just crashing with them. Truthfully, he didn't care, she could say what she wanted he just found it funny and ridiculous.
"Mama, mama! I want to talk to her first!" Kitty yelled.
"No, I do!" Esther countered.
Rose shushed them, "Yes, of course, hold on, please." She took the phone away from her face as she used her hand to cover the mouthpiece, "Lenny, it's for you."
Lenny held back another sigh and stood up to walk over to the phone. He was tired. So tired. He took it and put it to his ear, "Yeah?"
Rose rolled her eyes at him again because of his terrible phone manners. She knew for sure she and Midge would handle the kid's etiquette lessons. Lenny easily ignored her disapproval, he was used to it in almost everything he did. It was his manager on the phone and Lenny was wondering what shitty dive bar he got his next set in. "What's up, Joe?"
"You alright, man?" Apparently Lenny wasn't hiding how warn out he was well if Abe and Rose picked up on it. Fuck, Joe only heard three words from Lenny and knew. It wasn't that surprising, he supposed, they'd been a team since forever.
"Yeah, sure. What's up?" He asked again.
"You sound tired," His manager continued.
"Of course I'm tired, I'm a stand-up comedian who has three school-age kids who are still too young to get themselves ready in the morning, I don't sleep." He snapped; he regretted it as soon as he did, but he was tired of being questioned.
"Oh Lenny, man, you shouldn't have told me you could handle two shows a night, you need a night off."
"Christ, Joe, what is the reason you called?" He wanted to clear the line as soon as possible, he didn't want the kids to miss Midge. Okay, he didn't want to miss Midge's call. He lit a cigarette and wished the phone cord was long enough for him to pace.
"Right sorry, I'm not thinking straight, I'm just so fucking excited."
A shot of something went up Lenny's spine, and it made him stand up a little taller. He didn't know what was happening, but he knew it had to be good and big if Joe was showing that much emotion. "What? Why are you excited."
"I did it, you did it, we fucking did it!, but mostly you did it! Lenny, it's official, February 4th, 1961!"
Lenny knew what his manager was working on, he'd been working on it for months but Lenny never put any stock in it, thinking it was impossible. "Joe…"
In the back of his head, he heard the front door opening, but he couldn't pay that any mind, he was laser-focused on the phone call. "Carnegie Hall! You're playing Carnegie fucking Hall!"
The kids ran to the front hall and let out happy squeals, enough to draw his in-law's attention but not his, "Joe, don't fuck with me."
"I'm not, I'm not! It's official, they want you in to sign contracts in the morning. And don't even get me fucking started on the paycheck."
He let out a disbelieving laugh, and joked, "I could kiss you if you were here right now, tongue and everything, maybe even cop a feel."
"Thanks, but I'll pass." He laughed, "Carnegie fucking Hall."
There was a throat clearing behind him, "Who could you kiss?"
He didn't have to look to know who it was, he was confused but ecstatic, "I'll call you back."
Lenny hung up before his manager could answer and spun around to see his wife standing there, smiling brightly as the damn sun. No, even brighter—because he'd been starved of the sight of her for four long months. He laughed, a real one, wrapped her up in his arms, and kissed her hard like he had to make up for all the lost time in one go.
He didn't pull away until Ethan groaned. "Ewww! Gross!"
Still, he barely budged, his lips so close to hers that she could feel him talking. "Midge, what are you doing here?"
For the first time in months, he felt calm—like the world wasn't pressing in on him from all sides. He'd been fine for the first two months she was gone, but as time passed, the distance between them stretched longer, heavier. Having her here now felt like he could finally breathe again. And don't even get him started on Carnegie Hall—he hadn't even had time for that information to fully sink in. Although, it was a sobering thought to remember Midge wasn't staying. There were still two months left on the tour but that didn't matter at the moment, she was here.
His name on her lips was like a whisper, filled with longing, "Lenny, I missed you. The phone wasn't cutting it anymore."
"Missed you too, sweetheart. But aren't you supposed to be in Zurich right about now? Yodeling in the Alps or whatever they do over there?"
Before she could answer, the girls decided they'd had enough of being ignored. They ran between their parents' legs, forcing their hug into a full-fledged family hug. Midge gave Lenny a wry smile before bending down to their level.
"And my girls! I missed you two so much! Don't even get me started—no one can hold a conversation about Barbies like you two can."
The girls bounced on their feet, giddy, vibrating with the kind of energy only small children and over-caffeinated jazz musicians possessed. Lenny sometimes thought they were two halves of the same person, telepathic in the way they moved together. Without so much as a glance at each other, they jumped at Midge at the same time, knocking her straight onto the floor, giggling as they wrapped themselves around her.
Lenny sighed, watching the dogpile grow as Ethan made a running leap on top of them because of course he did. He leaned against the counter, letting himself take in the moment—the sight of his kids smothering their mother in love, the warmth of his home feeling like home again. For the first time in months, the tension in his chest eased just a little.
After a few long moments, he stepped forward and scooped Ethan off of Midge, then went back for the other two in one smooth motion. "Alright, alright, your mom just got home, let's give her a second to breathe. Go finish your sandwiches."
The kids pouted but obeyed, making their way to the table. Midge watched, raising an eyebrow. "Nice. Did I ever tell you how sexy I find it when you do that authoritative dad thing?"
"Hmm," He pondered, putting his pointer and thumb fingers on his chin, "No, I don't think so, maybe you should remind me."
The heat in Midge's eyes told him she was very much up for that challenge. Unfortunately, that was the exact moment Rose and Abe reappeared.
Lenny sighed. "Christ, they never miss a beat. Four months away, and they're still perfectly timed."
Midge knew exactly what he meant, her parents had a special power of always coming in the room or calling out for one of them the moment things started getting heated between the two. She crossed her arms, "I swear, they do it on purpose."
"Miriam, I hope you didn't start the story without us." Rose strolled in, eyes sharp. "Why are you home? You didn't get fired, did you? Shy Baldwin is a real professional. I'm sure his tour is much more serious than what you're used to."
"No Mama, I wasn't fired," She rolled her eyes, "I was able to work out a week to be here with you guys before I go back out."
Lenny narrowed his eyes slightly. He knew there was more to it. Tours didn't just put things on hold for a week because their openers were homesick. But he also knew better than to press for details in front of her parents. No, that could wait—preferably for much later, after he'd had a few hours alone with her. He scoffed to himself. Who was he kidding? He hadn't had sex in four months. He'd be lucky if he lasted ten minutes. Oh well, there were plenty of other ways to play in between rounds. God, he couldn't wait until he could get his hands on her pu…
"…Lenny?"
He blinked. "Huh?"
The amusement in Midge's eyes made it painfully obvious she knew exactly where his mind had wandered.
"Who was on the phone? If I remember correctly, and I always do, you said something about kissing them?"
Lenny smirked. "Yeah, you got some competition, sweetheart."
Midge gasped dramatically. "Lenny Bruce! Are you telling me I flew across the ocean for a cheating scandal? What's next, I find lipstick on your collar?"
"Midge, you know me better than that!" He said, sounding offended, then continued with a smirk and spoke low so only Midge could hear, "If there's going to be lipstick somewhere, it's not going to be on my clothes. Guess you'll just have to do a thorough inspection over every part of me, a very comprehensive one."
Her lips twitched. "That so?"
Lenny grinned. "Wouldn't want to leave me unsupervised, would you?"
She smiled then quirked her eyebrows, eyes flicking to the phone, "So? Phone call?"
"Right, right, apologies," he said a little sarcastically, "I got sidetracked by seeing my wife for the first time this season. That was Joe."
"And what did Joe want?"
Lenny opened his mouth to answer but then quickly looked around the room, deciding it'd be better to tell her alone. So he grabbed her hand and led her out of the room, down the hall, and into their bedroom, closing the door behind them with his foot. He led her to the bed and sat her down, he went to sit next to her but halfway through sitting down he shot back up and started pacing across the room and back again. That was when Midge noticed how on edge he looked, she never thought he was the type but he was freaking out at the moment, full of anxiety, clearly overwhelmed. She wondered what the hell his manager could have said to draw this reaction out of him.
"Lenny?..."
Lenny stopped his strides when he heard the worry in her voice. He walked back over to her and took her by both hands this time, pulling her up again, "February 4th."
"What's happening February 4th? I'll be done my tour about a month by then."
"Thank Christ, because I'm gonna need you there with me."
"Need me with you where?" She asked, his excitement starting to seep into her too, she didn't know what was happening, she just knew it was big.
"He's been talking about it for a while, I just never put any stock in it because it felt like a fool's dream…"
"Lenny…"
He smiled and let out a small disbelieving laugh before bending down and kissing her once roughly and pulling back. "But he did it, the bastard actually came through." Another short laugh.
"I'm on the edge of my seat here, spit it out already!"
"Carnegie Hall." He finally said.
Her eyes went wide, her jaw-dropping before she let out a high-pitched squeal—one that Lenny was sure would be echoing in his ears long after she was back on tour. Then, in one swift motion, she sprang up, wrapping herself around him like a monkey, her laughter bubbling right in his ear.
"No fucking way!" She pulled back just enough to lean in and kiss him, "Really? That's amazing Lenny! Oh my god, this is going to be great, you're going to kill it."
Lenny felt a small pit grow in his stomach at her words, worry, anxiety, fear that he'd fuck it up just like he fucked up so many other things in his life. He tried to shake that pit away and focus on the good of the moment. He was able to distract himself, but the feeling was still there inside him, slowly growing bigger.
He kissed her again, this time differently, languid, passionate, slowly, Midge's body relaxed and melted into him, helping him forget everything other than her. He turned around so he was facing the bed and slowly leaned forward, laying her down on it. Her legs were already wrapped around him, so it was easy to push her heels into his lower back, pushing him flush against her, the only thing separating them was a few layers of fabric.
Lenny groaned into her mouth when his already hard member felt the warmth between her legs. Her breath hitched when he pulled his hips back just enough to thrust forward again, rubbing against just the right spot. Her hands went down to his pants and quickly unbuttoned them, his zipper too, reaching in and daintily wrapping her hand around him. He moaned as she pumped her hands once, twice before freeing him of his constraints. Lenny wasn't inactive during this time, reaching between her legs and playing with her clit over her underwear, he'd never been so happy to see her in one of her frilly dresses in his life.
Over the months of being together, they'd each learned the other's likes and dislikes when it came to sex and gotten very good at pleasing each other. Midge loved it when he used his mouth on her and was almost positive he liked tasting her just as much, maybe more. And the sounds that left his mouth when hers was wrapped around him were positively sinful. Forplay was almost as good as the final act for them, sometimes even better. But right now, they couldn't wait, there were no soft caresses, no teasing, no testing her readyness, no touching that spot behind her ear that made her toes curl, they were too hungry, too on edge, it'd been too long.
Instead of taking the underwear off, he simply pushed them to the side before pushing all the way inside her, a loud moan leaving both their lips. Neither moved for a long moment, basking in the act of being together again, looking at each other in the eyes. He missed that sparkle of affection, of love in her eyes, and she missed how he bit his bottom lip when he bottomed out inside her, how his whole body tensed because it took everything in him not to pull out of her and thrust forward again.
He kissed her again sensually; she could feel the love he was trying to show in it. When he simply couldn't stay still anymore, he pulled out of her, so far that only the tip was left inside her, before thrusting back in. They continue their dance that way, a fast tempo keeping them going. Lenny reached down and hooked her leg over his arm, bringing it back up to his shoulder. The new angle caused moans to pour out of her at every thrust as he reached inside her deeper, hitting that spot in her that made her eyes roll to the back of her head.
He broke the kiss to curse and speak a broken sentence, "Fuck, Midge, feel so good, Christ, missed you."
She let out a laugh that turned into a moan halfway through. Lenny was right on the money when he thought he wouldn't last as long as he normally did, he felt his orgasm quickly approaching, too quickly for his liking. He bent his head down and took her breast in his mouth, his tongue swirling around her nipple and his teeth lightly biting down, just like she liked it, as his hand snaked down her body and between her legs. He played with her, circling around her clit and tweaking it, the speed and sounds of her moans heightening. It wasn't long before he felt her tightening around him, quivering. Her hand gripping his hips so hard he could feel her nails leaving crescents in his skin, while the other pulled his hair almost painfully, her legs holding onto him so tightly he almost couldn't move far enough away to thrust back into her. Finally, she fell over the edge, her eyes shut so hard she saw white around the edges as she moaned beautifully right into his ear before biting down on his lobe. He was thankful because he lasted only one, two more thrusts before reaching his climax and spilling into her.
They lay frozen for a long moment, only the sound of Lenny's harsh exhale. Then he made the first move by moving his mouth away from her breast, leaving one last chaste kiss on it, and moving his head up to rest his head on her shoulder as he tried to even his breaths out. Midge's harsh grip on him loosened and turned much softer, more loving as she started stroking up and down his hip and running her fingers through his hair. Lenny dropped his shoulder so her leg could fall flat on the bed, and he started chuckling into her neck.
"What's so funny?" She asked, wondering if she should feel offended.
"I knew I wasn't gonna last long—it's been months, after all, but that? That was like being a teenager again, getting to sleep with a knockout broad for the first time. I think I clocked in at a solid five minutes. Maybe." He let out a self-deprecating chuckle before taking a deep breath, exhaling slowly. Then, with a smirk, he rolled over, taking her with him so she was draped over his chest.
Midge laughed, warm and teasing. "Maybe it was fast, but you worked me in a way no virgin could ever hope to."
She lifted her head just enough to meet his gaze, her smile softening before she kissed him, whispering against his lips, "I love you."
His hands trailed up her back, his smile pressed to hers. "Love you too, sweetheart."
She settled back down, her cheek resting over his heartbeat as his fingers combed through her hair. For a while, they just laid there in silence, letting the moment stretch out between them, neither in a rush to break it.
Then, finally—"So, Carnegie Hall, huh?"
He let out a breath of disbelief. "Blows my mind. Still doesn't feel real."
Midge shifted, propping her chin on his chest so he'd know she meant every word. "You earned it. It's about time the big places started realizing it. You're too damn good to be wasting away in backroom clubs with a half-drunk audience. You're the best stand-up I've ever seen, Lenny. You should be the one selling out stadiums, not me."
He scoffed, shaking his head. "Don't sell yourself short, Miriam. You earned it just as much as I did. Give it a year or two, and I'll be known as Mrs. Maisel's husband, not the other way around. A has-been, washed up, and you'll be headlining world tours."
She rolled her eyes. "Or maybe—crazy thought—we'll both be at the top of our game, co-headlining, selling out stadiums together."
He let out a low chuckle. "That's the dream." But even as he said it, something in him wasn't convinced. February 4th would probably be the pinnacle of his career—if his lawyers managed to keep him out of jail long enough to see it. Better not to linger on that thought. He changed the subject. "So, sweetheart, you still haven't told me, how exactly did you manage to get a whole week in the States in the middle of a European tour?"
Midge stretched lazily before answering. "Oh, I didn't get a week off. We all did. Shy was on the verge of losing his voice, bronchitis, according to the doctors. So he shut things down for two weeks to recover."
Lenny winced. "Man, that's rough for Shy… but I can't deny how good it worked out for me."
Midge smacked his shoulder. "Hush, you. That's not very nice."
"Sure, but it's accurate."
She laughed, shaking her head. "You're impossible."
"And yet, you keep coming back."
She looked at him for a long moment, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, she didn't like the worry he saw growing in her eyes, "Are you okay, Lenny? You look tired, stressed."
He lifted his lips in a semblance of a smile, "I'm fine, Midge. Sure, I haven't had much time to sleep since you've been gone, and all court dates hanging over my head are inching closer every day but I make due. "
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Why would I? You were across the world working, what could you do to help? I didn't want you to worry for no reason."
"For no reason? Your wellbeing is a very good reason to worry—" she was cut off by a hard quick kiss to her lips, a kiss that was solely to get her to stop talking.
"It's fine, Midge, you're here now. I'm suddenly feeling much better."
She smiled and kissed him again softly, she decided to stop questioning him for now, it was not like it would do any good. But she was going to make sure she did everything in her power to give him a little break during this week. She couldn't help but think how great of a husband he was, how much extra stress and responsibilities he took up just so she could go and have a shot at living her dream, and he didn't complain once, in fact, he was supportive, her biggest fan.
She kissed him again at that thought, but she had to break it quickly because the tulle in her petticoat was rubbing against her hip bone in a very uncomfortable way. She adjusted herself slightly and cringed as she and Lenny finally pulled apart from each other. She needed to wash up the mess between her legs. Her eyes widened when she realized it wasn't just her, it was his spendings too, they were both so lost in the moment, so hungry for each other that neither took the time to remember the need for a condom. The look on Lenny's face made it clear he'd come to the same realization as she had. Fuck.