The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I'm here to bring you another great and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, Halloween Havoc IV continues and the last time Sean reviewed the Stephen King movie Firestarter and he absolutely enjoyed it. Today, Sean moves on to the Scream franchise as he takes a look at the third and final film, until they've decided to make a fourth film and a fifth film in the franchise, Scream 3. Is it a bad movie? Did it surpass the first two movies? Well, let's sit back, relax and grab yourself a bottle of Mountain Dew Voo-Dew, here's the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. Scream 3 is owned by Dimension Films.
Halloween Havoc IV Part 2: Scream 3
We open with a cold-open on a red curtain once more, with the audience chatter in the background, as Taylor walks out in front of the curtain to address the audience before clearing her throat.
"Hello, everyone. Before we started the last review, I've warned you not to let your children read it… but you did anyway. Well, this review is even worse. It's scarier and more violent and I'm sure that Sean snuck in some bad language too. So please, tuck in your children and…." Taylor said.
Audience Member: Who cares?! Get on with the review!
Audience Members: Yeah!
(The audience all start shouting)
"Fine. If you're all aren't going to listen to me the last time, you're not going to now. Enjoy the review." Taylor said.
Audience Member: Show us your tits!
"Ugh! Men." Taylor rolled her eyes in disgust.
(The Halloween Havoc IV intro plays, a la parody of The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror intro. The graves in the "Nostalgia Cemetery" are depicted as follows: "Victorious: Season Four", "Sam & Cat: Season 2", "Dan Schneider's Dignity" and "ThunderCats Roar". For the couch gag inside Sean and Taylor's house, we see Billy Loomis, Stu Macher, Mickey Altieri and Mrs. Loomis sitting on the couch as Mrs. Loomis picks up the remote to turn on the television. But instead, a giant anvil crashes down on them, killing all four of them)
As the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential critic Sean J. Archer, a.k. Mayhem Critic, sitting on his red couch in his living room while writing down some notes in his notebook.
"Okay, Freddie is using handcuffs on Sam in her bedroom to show off his kinky side, which turns Sam Puckett on. Okay, the Seddie fans are gonna love this hot one-shot. Even though I'm a Creddie fan. But I ship both." Sean said right before he looks at the camera and stops writing in his notebook, tossing it to the side before starting his introduction. "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one. And welcome back to Halloween Havoc. Today. Let's…"
His phone starts ringing to the song "This is Halloween" from A Nightmare Before Christmas as he grabs his phone from off of the coffee table to answer it.
"Hello." Sean said.
"Hey, babe." Taylor said.
"Hey, honey." Sean answered.
"Have you decided on what you wanted for dinner?" Taylor asked.
"No, I didn't have any plans. What'd you want?" Sean asked.
"Well, I was thinking maybe either some fish and fries or porterhouse steaks." Taylor said.
"All right. How about we go for some nice porterhouse steaks?" Sean asked.
"Okay, that'll work." Taylor said. "You wanna know what else sounds good to go with the steaks?"
"What's that?" Sean asked.
"Spilling your guts on the fucking floor!" Suddenly, Taylor's voice has changed to a different voice. A familiar voice that Sean has heard before as his eyes widened in shock when he heard Ghostface's voice
"Oh, no. Not you. I just killed you the last time you tried to come after me. What is it that you want?!" Sean asked.
"You know what I want, Archer. Payback!" Ghostface said.
"Isn't shooting you multiple times and beating you to death enough for you? Want me to drop a piano on your fucking head?" Sean asked.
"No. I'll just keep coming back to try to kill you. But before you die, I have something for you to review." Ghostface said.
"Oh, great. You want me to review Scream 3, don't you?" Sean asked.
"Yes, and it looks like you don't care about this sequel. That's why you're going to review it." Ghostface said.
(The title screen for "Scream 3" is shown, followed by clips from the movie is shown while the song "Red Right Hand" by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on February 4th, 2000, Scream 3 is the third chapter in the Scream franchise. With the first two Scream movies being a financial success, this one was less successful than the others, due to the change of tone and focusing more on humor rather than horror and violence. After the release of the Scream 2, a number of the cast's careers were doing quite well. Hell, David Arquette and Courteney Cox got married before the third film was released. Sadly, the only casualty who left the Scream franchise was writer Kevin Williamson. With Scream and Scream 2 being big hits along with I Know What You Did Last Summer, Halloween H20 and the success of Dawson's Creek were all big hits, Williamson went on to direct his first feature film Teaching Mrs. Tingle, and that film was a box-office bomb. So Bob and Harvey Weinstein hired Ehren Kruger, who would go on to write three of the five Transformers movies, to replace Williamson and helm writing duties. Now, I have to say that this movie is my least favorite of the franchise. Well, my reaction to it is lukewarm. But the question remains: is Scream 3 a bad movie? Did it surpass the first two? Does it deserve to be ripped apart by fans?
"Well, let's see how the Scream franchise ended… before they decided to make a fourth one… then make a TV series for MTV… and they decided to make a fifth one. Goddamn it, how many do they have now?! This is Scream 3." Sean said.
(The movie opens with a shot of the Hollywood sign)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie starts as we get a shot of the Hollywood sign and we encounter Cotton Weary, played by Liev Schrieber, who's stuck in traffic and he's on the phone fussing at his agent.
Cotton Weary (Played by Liev Schrieber): Let me think about it. I'm risking my reputation as the host of this country's number-one nationally syndicated talk show to do a cameo in some cheap slasher flick.
"Oh, yeah. Because of his hero status in the last film, he's now the host of his own talk show called 100% Cotton and he has a cameo in a slasher flick, which is Stab 3: Return to Woodsboro. So yeah, he went from being a man accused of murder to being a hero to being a talk show host. Boy, couldn't O.J. Simpson have that kind of treatment?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Ok, from what's really confusing is that it sounds like he's negotiating to appear in the film and later, we learn that he's already filmed the scene.
"So, you filmed the scene before you negotiated the deal? Dude, I know that you lived through the friggin' thing but do me a favor… hire a new agent." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Cotton's mobile phone rings and he answers it, only to find another woman on the other end who seems to have called the wrong number before realizing that she's talking to Cotton Weary.
Female Caller (Voiced by Beth Toussaint): Wait a minute. I know your voice. You sound a lot like that guy on TV. Um… Cotton Weary.
Cotton Weary: I do, huh?
Female Caller: Yeah. I think he's got a really sexy voice.
Cotton Weary: (Laughing) Well, thank you.
Female Caller: Wait a minute. You are Cotton, aren't you? Oh, my God. I am talking to Cotton Weary. I can't believe this.
Cotton Weary: So! You a big 100% Cotton fan?
Female Caller: Yeah! One hundred and ten percent.
"I think you're a really sexy man and I want to get into your pants." Sean said, in a feminine voice.
Sean: (Narrating) Cotton talks to the female caller and he asks who she is, but it turns out to be one of Ghostface's little tricks when he uses a voice changer to screw with Cotton and he tells him that he's right outside his girlfriend's bathroom door while she's taking a shower.
"Oh, great. It has to be a woman taking a shower in this movie. You know, when's the last time we've ever saw that happening? Oh, yeah. In the opening of Scream 2 during the whole Stab movie theater scene." Sean said.
Meta Moment #1
"Yeah, I'm starting the meta moment counter again. It's back with a vengeance." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Knowing that Cotton has connections, he asks for one question: the whereabouts of Sidney Prescott. Cotton doesn't tell him and Ghostface goes after Cotton's girlfriend Christine, played by Kelly Rutherford, respectively. So, while Cotton races to her place, Christine is busy getting dressed, until the killer starts toying with her.
(Creed's "What If" plays, startling Christine)
Christine (Played by Kelly Rutherford): Cotton, is that you?
"I'm gonna screw with that blonde bimbo by playing some Creed. Really, dude. Is that the best thing to come up with?" Sean said.
(Cut to a shot of Christine's feet while she's walking down the hall)
Sean: (Narrating) Boy, having a little foot fetish yourself there, Craven? Are you taking lessons from Dan Schneider? (A picture of Dan Schneider is shown) Anyway, Christine turns off the stereo as she searches the house for Cotton, until this happens.
Cotton's Voice: Christine? Hon, you all right? I'm home.
Christine: Jesus! You scared the shit outta me.
Cotton's Voice: You'll never believe what just happened to me.
Christine: What are you talking about?
(Ghostface appears with a knife. Christine screams as she makes a run for it while Ghostface chases her until she slips on the floor. Ghostface grabs her, but then Christine kicks him in the face)
"Ghostface is back and he's now more of a klutz than ever." Sean said.
Christine: What are you doing?
Cotton's Voice: What?
Christine: What the fuck are you doing?!
Cotton's Voice: I was just, you know, trying to take the game to the next level. I'm sorry. Come on, open the door, Chris.
Christine: The game?
Cotton's Voice: Yeah, the game!
Christine: What are you talking about?
Cotton's Voice: Talking about how much fun it's gonna be to rip your insides out! Now, open the fuckin' door, Christine!
(Ghostface stabs at the door to break the door open)
"Boy, Ghostface is really channeling his inner Jack Torrance." Sean said as a clip from The Shining plays, showing a scene where Jack is breaking the door open with a fire axe.
Sean: (Narrating) Cotton arrives to save Christine and he manages to arrive at the door where Christine locked herself in. He breaks the door open to check on her, only for Christine to try to attack him with a golf club.
Cotton Weary: Okay, okay, okay. Just calm down, okay?
Christine: Why do you want to kill me?
Cotton Weary: What are you talking about?
Christine: Why do you wanna kill me?
Cotton Weary: Gimme the club. All right? Gimme the club. Gimme the club, please. (Cotton sees Ghostface sneaking up on Christine) Oh! Christine, get outta the way!
(Christine swings at Cotton, hitting him in the head)
"And Christine channels her inner Casey Jones." Sean said.
(A sound clip from the 1990 version of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles plays)
Casey Jones (Played by Elias Koteas): Fore!
(Christine hits Cotton in the head with the golf club)
Sean: (Narrating) Ghostface kills Christine by stabbing her in the back and he goes after Cotton. Cotton fends off Ghostface for a bit, but Ghostface plunges the knife in Cotton's chest before delivering his final message to him.
Ghostface (Voiced by Roger L. Jackson): It was a simple game, Cotton. You should've told me where Sidney was. Now, you lose.
"Dude, you got blood all over his shirt, which is 100% Cotton. Plus, Cotton and his girlfriend are the first two people to get killed. So yeah." Sean said.
Meta Moment #2
Sean: (Narrating) After Ghostface kills Cotton before Liev Schrieber kills his career by starring in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, we cut to a mountain ridge, where we see our returning heroine Sidney Prescott, played by Neve Campbell, who is now living in seclusion and under heavy locked security and she works as a crisis counselor for an abused women's hotline under the name of Laura. We're then re-introduced to Gale Weathers, played by Courteney Cox Arquette, who's busy giving a lecture on journalism until she approached by Detective Mark Kincaid, played by Patrick Dempsey, who informs her on Cotton's murder.
Gale Weathers (Played by Courteney Cox Arquette): Someone murdered Cotton?
Detective Mark Kincaid (Played by Patrick Dempsey): And his girlfriend. Someone who left something he wanted us to see. I'll show you this because you're the Woodsboro authority, and because you knew him. But I promise you, if you share this with the world, it's you I'll be arresting.
Gale Weathers: I swear on my Pulitzer Prize, which I plan to win one day, Detective.
"Yeah, did you even win a Pulitzer Prize for "The Woodsboro Murders"? Where's that award, huh?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Detective McDreamy shows Gale a photo that was left on Cotton's body, which is a photo of Sidney's mother Maureen Prescott. We move onto the set of Stab 3: Return to Woodsboro, where we're introduced to the movie's director Roman Bridger, played by Scott Foley , and horror producer John Milton, played by Lance Henrickson. And we get a little cameo from the legendary director Roger Corman.
Meta Moment #3
Roman Bridger (Played by Scott Foley): Hire more security. Hire the National Guard. Just don't kill the movie.
Studio Executive (Played by Roger Corman): Violence in cinema is a big deal right now, Roman. This is not the kind of news this studio is after.
Roman Bridger: So if we stop making scary movies, what, all the psychos will retire? Come on.
"Yeah. What's Michael Myers, Jason Voorhees, Freddy Kruger, Leatherface, Pinhead and Pennywise gonna do if Hollywood stop making scary movies? We're gonna end up seeing them in comedies or romantic dramas. Hell, Freddy and Jason are gonna star with Miranda Cosgrove in the movie Sabrina and Michael Myers, Pinhead, Leatherface and Pennywise are going to star in the Ghostbusters reboot. Hell, Chucky had to resort to porn. He's starring in a porno with Olivia Austin and Gizelle Blanco. You studio execs are killing scary movies!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) You know, I love that they make a big deal about violence in cinema. You know that filmmakers get a lot of flack by putting excessive amounts of violence in their movies. This is what they did with this movie because of the aftermath of the Columbine High School massacre, which occurred shortly before production would begin on the film. So, they reduced the violence and the setting was changed from Woodsboro to Hollywood so that the studio won't get into trouble.
(Kincaid and his partner Wallace walk by)
John Milton (Played by Lance Henrickson): Detectives, there's no reason to presume that Cotton's death had anything to do with this movie, is there?
Wallace (Played by Josh Pais): He was making a movie called Stab. He was stabbed.
"Yeah. It's just like Stallone starring in Bullet to the Head and then he took a bullet to the head. Also, Nathan Kress starred in the movie Arrow to the Knee and then he literally took an arrow to the knee." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We move along and we meet the cast of Stab 3, which consists of Tom Prinze played by Matt Keeslar who's playing Dewey, Angelina Tyler played by Emily Mortimer who's playing Sidney, Tyson Fox played by Deon Richmond who's playing Ricky a.k.a the Token Black Guy Who's Gonna Die Halfway Through and Sarah Darling played by Jenny McCarthy who's playing Candy.
"Why am I explaining this to you? Because these characters have no defining characteristics and you'll probably forget about them after this review. In other words, they're one-note expendable characters." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, we have adults playing teenagers in a movie.
Meta Moment #4
"Because really. Like we've never seen that before. Casting a twenty-something actor to play a teenager. I'm looking at you Riverdale and 13 Reasons Why." Sean said, pointing to the camera.
Tom Prinze (Played by Matt Keeslar): Hey! What if the killer's Sidney Prescott? I mean, what the hell ever happened to her? She's probably in the woods livin' like the fuckin' Unabomber, man.
Angelina Tyler (Played by Emily Mortimer): I'm starting to see why Tori Spelling and David Schwimmer didn't want to come back.
Sarah Darling (Played by Jenny McCarthy): Guys, this was not about Cotton. We are not in any danger.
Tyson Fox: "We are not in any danger," says Candy, page 15.
Sarah Darling: I don't see you leavin'.
"She's right. I mean, you're the token black guy in the movie. At least you're not gonna die first." Sean said.
Angelina Tyler: Maybe it's not meant to be.
Tom Prinze: Not meant to be? You win that talent search for the new Sidney. 50,000 girls and they pick you. You gotta be praying this movie keeps going.
Angelina Tyler: Of course I am, but not at the expense of people's lives.
Tom Prinze: Oh. (Chuckles) Cue the violins, right? (Laughing) Oh.
"That's not funny, you sick bastard." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Gale enters the studio and while she turns on a camera hidden in her purse, she gets spotted by Jennifer Jolie played by Parker Posey and her bodyguard Steven Stone played by Patrick Warburton. And I have to say that Parker Posey is the best addition to the cast. She's so damn funny and charismatic and she has a good rapport with Courteney Cox's character. Hell, she's the best part of the whole movie and she's a character that people would remember. Also, Jennifer is playing Gale in the movie.
Jennifer Jolie (Played by Parker Posey): I'm sorry things didn't work out on 60 Minutes II. But Total Entertainment, that's a pretty good fallback.
Gale Weathers: Thank you. I'm sorry things didn't work out with Brad Pitt, but being single, that's a good fallback.
Jennifer Jolie: Gives me more time for my work. After all, Gale Weathers, you're such a complex character.
Gale Weathers: Oh, and to be played by an actress with such depth and range.
"And as you could see, these two have a really complicated relationship despite the fact that they never actually met. Man, I am waiting for a catfight between the two of them." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Things get a little awkward when Dewey, played by David Arquette, walks on set with less limp. So, I guess being stabbed again gets rid of your limp. Oh, yeah. Did I mention that things get a little awkward between the two of them?
Dewey Riley (Played by David Arquette): Well, surprise, surprise. Someone dies and Gale comes running.
Jennifer Jolie: (Walks to Dewey) Gale, I think you'll really appreciate my character work in this one. Someone's helped me understand the real you.
Gale Weathers: Someone?
Jennifer Jolie: Your ruthless ambition, your private self-loathing, and that lost and lonely little girl inside.
Gale Weathers: Lost and lonely what?
(A clip from Friends is shown)
Monica Gellar-Bing (Played by Courteney Cox Arquette): Well, you're just a little bitch, aren't you?
Sean: (Narrating) Turns out that Dewey and Gale have broken up since Scream 2 and there's some animosity between the two of them. Also, Dewey's the technical advisor for the movie. We discover that Gale has rubbed people off the wrong way, including Tom Prinze after a story she did about him crashing his car. Anyway, Gale tells Dewey about the killer leaving a picture of Sidney's mother. But before they get to talking, John Milton sees Gale on set and he has her escorted off of the set. Also, we get another cameo.
(Jay and Silent Bob walk by)
Jay (Played by Jason Mewes): Holy shit, Silent Bob. It's that TV news chick, Connie-fuckin'-Chung! Hey Connie, how's Maury?
(Gale gives them the finger)
Jay: Dude, I think she likes me. See how she's lookin' at me?
Meta Moment #5
"And a year later, Wes Craven is gonna have a cameo in their movie." Sean said, referring to the film Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at Sidney's retreat, we see her having a conversation with her father Neil, played by Lawrence Hecht from the first Scream movie, as they talk about her mother and her secret life. Sidney's father wants her to come home because he's worried about her and she's slipping into a state of not existing. And then we come to this scene that freaked me out and it freaked everyone out in the theater, where Sidney has a dream about her dead mother, who's paying her a visit from beyond the grave.
Maureen Prescott (Played by Lynn McRee): Sid, come here. Mother needs to talk to you. Everything you touch, Sid, dies! You're poison. You're just like me. You're just like me.
"Oh, great. Dad, Mom's drunk again! She's been having way too much to drink followed by a couple of chicken sandwich sandwiches." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) I'm not kidding. This is the creepiest scene of the movie. Aside from her mother at the window, we get Ghostface popping up and smashes through the window. Jesus Christ, this scene is freaky as hell. It's also a nice way of showing that Sidney is haunted by memories regarding her mother and also showing the imbalance that Sidney is going through, especially living alone. After that creepy as hell scene, we cut back to the Stab 3 studios, where Sarah has a meeting with Roman.
Sarah Darling: Roman? Stab 3. Jesus, I gotta get a new agent. Roman?
(A door closes, which startles Sarah)
Sarah Darling: Someone here?
(Sarah walks down the hall as Tyson jumps out with scissors through his head. Sarah screams and Tyson laughs)
"Aaah, you son of a bitch!" Sean exclaimed as he pulled out his pistol. "Why is it every time that I watch a horror film, I get startled by a jumpscare?"
Sean: (Narrating) So after Tyson jumpscares Sarah and the audience, Sarah enters Roman's office and messes with his video award and she ends up breaking it right when he calls her)
Roman: (On the phone) All right, since I got you on the phone, let's talk about your character.
Sarah Darling: What character? I'm Candy, the chick who only gets killed second. I'm only in two scenes.
"Oh, let me take a wild guess… you're playing a character who's about to get killed second and you're only in two scenes, is that correct?" Sean asked before he looks at his watch. "How long until this dumb blonde gets killed?"
(We cut to a scene where Ghostface goes after Sarah as he tries to kill her. He then punches her in the face and she smashes through glass on the top half of a door before Ghostface stabs her in the back, killing her)
"Oh, what do you know? I called it." Sean said. "That's for making the movie Dirty Love, you goddamn anti-vaxxer."
Sean: (Narrating) After Sarah gets killed, we then cut to Gale and Dewey and we get a little backstory on their relationship after the events of Scream 2.
Gale Weathers: You said you'd never leave Woodsboro. "The only place that's real." But now you're here. Not with me. Dewey, I took care of you. I waited until you were well. I couldn't stay there. It was like dog years. One year in Woodsboro is like seven anywhere else,
Dewey Riley: So it's off to Paris for a week? New York for a month? L.A. forever?
Gale Weathers: It was fucking 60 Minutes II. I couldn't say no. I could've been the next Diane Sawyer.
Dewey Riley: What's wrong with just being Gale Weathers? I liked her.
Gale Weathers: It didn't work, Dewey. We tried. We're different.
"Yeah. I'm sure that old feelings would resurface between the two of you. Come on, we all know that you're gonna get back together." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Dewey tells Gale something that's off the record, which is that two months ago the Woodsboro police got a call from a woman who said that she was with Stab 3 and she wanted to see the file on Sidney "for research". But they told her no and she wouldn't give them her name. Also, somebody broke into the station and ransacked the file room. Luckily, Dewey removed Sid's file and he suspects that someone on the set of the movie is searching for Sidney. But anyway, Dewey's beeper goes off because Jennifer needs him, so him and Gale head down to Jennifer's mansion to check on her.
Steven Stone (Played by Patrick Warburton): There's been a second murder.
Dewey Riley: Who?
Jennifer Jolie: Sarah Darling.
Gale Weather: Where?
Steven Stone: At the studio.
Jennifer Jolie: Where? Nancy Drew wants to know where! Cotton Weary, Sarah Darling. Don't you get it?
Dewey Riley: Someone's killing them in the order they die in the movie.
"Well, in that case. Let me type in something down in my script." Sean said as he opens his HP laptop and starts to type something down. "'I don't get stabbed in the movie.' There we go, that'll work."
Sean: (Narrating) Jennifer informs Gale that in the Stab 3 script that Gale Weathers is the third person to die. Oh, yeah. And we also learn that Dewey's trailer is located on Jennifer's property, which means that he's living with Jennifer, the woman playing Gale.
"Yeah, I don't find that a bit creepy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Dewey tells Stone that he's headed to the crime scene and he tells him to stay by Jennifer's side, but Joe Swanson here doesn't take orders from Dewey.
Steven Stone: Just so we can be straight. I'm a professional celebrity guard here. My resume lists Julia Roberts, Salmon Rushdie, Posh Spice. You are the Hollywood, uh, hanger-oner. 'Cause you're just no good as a cop anymore. Your resume reads like the obituaries. So how 'bout you take suggestions from me? All right?
Dewey Riley: Whatever you say.
"That's easy for you to say, 're a crazed New Jersey Devils fan who paints his face and scares a priest from El Salvador." Sean said, referring to the character David Puddy from Seinfeld.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at the crime scene, the killer has left another photo of Maureen Prescott that Detective Kincaid and Wallace, played by Josh Pais respectively, has found.
Wallace: Ten more murders and we can publish a calendar.
Detective Mark Kincaid: The old "killer playing with the cops" routine. Very Hannibal Lecter. Very Seven.
Meta Moment #6
Wallace: Doesn't the killer come after the cops in those movies?
Detective Mark Kincaid: Usually one cop makes it.
Wallace: And?
Detective Mark Kincaid: One cop doesn't…. Usually.
Meta Moment #7
(A clip from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is shown)
Raphael (Voiced by Josh Pais): (After leaving the movie theater) Where do they come up with this stuff?
Sean: (Narrating) We also learn that while Gale is the third person to die in Stab 3, there were three different versions of the script and no one knows what the killer actually because you know, leaking stuff on the Internet like the movie's ending. So yeah, three versions. Three different characters die next. So, the cops go to speak to Roman about the call he made to Sarah.
Roman Bridger: Wait a minute. I never called her. I never told her to go anywhere.
Detective Mark Kincaid: Roommate says she knows your voice, Mr. Bridger.
Roman Bridger: She wasn't speaking with me! God! Look. I did not call Sarah Darling.
"I don't need this nonsense. I was on Scandal for six seasons while the fans of Grey's Anatomy mourned your character's death in season eleven, McDreamy." Sean said imitating Roman while referring to two Shondaland shows that Scott Foley and Patrick Dempsey starred in.
Sean: (Narrating) Roman turns into an angry director and claims that someone is trying to kill his movie and the cops take him down to the station for questioning and Detective McDreamy borrows Dewey's cell phone to make a phone call. Back with Sidney, who receives a phone call from a woman who's in distress saying that she's killed someone. Sidney tries to calm the woman down, then she realizes that the call is not coming from the workline, but the houseline. And guess who it is.
(A clip from Game of Thrones is shown)
Bronn (Played by Jerome Flynn): Jaime fucking Lannister.
"Shut it!" Sean yelled out.
Ghostface: (On the phone) Just one question. Do you think it's over, Sidney? Do you?
(Sidney throws the phone down and get a gun from out of her drawer. She looks out the window and sees nothing)
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) I'm just an illusion, bitch!
Sean: (Narrating) Back in Hollywood, we see that the cast of Stab 3 are hanging out at Jennifer's house while Tom is busy ripping up the script and having a wrap party with Tom being drunk, Angelina being scared and Jennifer not giving a shit. Gale arrives, for some odd reason, because she has no reason being there as she starts playing peeping tom on Dewey and Jennifer.
Dewey Riley: (While looking at a picture of Jennifer as Gale) This is a good picture of you. You look just like her.
Jennifer Jolie: God, Dewey. You make it sound like you're still in love with her.
"Well, let's dress you up as Gale so I can boink you right now. How about we cut your hair short and add some highlights to it." Sean said, imitating Dewey.
Sean: (Narrating) Gale gets busted by Stone and takes her inside and her and Dewey slip away to tell him that the police have released Roman and that Sarah's call didn't come from his cell phone and that the call came from a cloned cell phone, which is untraceable. Then, the conversation slips to Maureen and why the killer keeps leaving pictures of her at every crime scene. And upon seeing the latest picture, Dewey makes a connection.
Dewey Riley: (Comparing a picture of Maureen and Jennifer) Look at the buildings. The second story. There and there. It's the same! It's the same street 28 years ago.
Gale Weathers: Oh, my God. Maureen Prescott was at the back lot at Sunrise Studios!
"Yeah. Mostly because you clowns used photoshop to make it look like they're on the same street." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Steven gets a call from Dewey as he enters his RV to check to see if the killer is there, then this happens.
(Ghostface stabs Stone in the back. Stone then attacks Ghostface)
Steven Stone: Fucker!
(Ghostface pushes Stone against the wall, driving the knife further into his back. Ghostface grabs a pan from the sink and hits Stone from the left, then from the right. Stone goes down and attempts to get up)
Sean: (V/O as Stone) Ugh. My biggest regret was starring in the sitcom Crowded with Miranda Cosgrove.
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) Shut up! That show was shitty anyway.
(Ghostface delivers the final blow to Stone's head)
"I have to admit, that was a satisfying death right there. Patrick Warburton's character was a complete dick." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The surviving party gets slightly startled by Stone as he slightly manages to stumble out of the trailer before dying and they all start to freak out.
Dewey Riley: It's all right. Don't panic.
(The lights go out. They all scream)
Meta Moment #8
"Okay, what part of "don't panic" do you not understand? When someone tells you not to panic, you don't panic." Sean said.
Suddenly, the lights go out and Sean starts panicking and starts knocking stuff down. While he's busy panicking, we cut to the outside of Sean's house as we see Ghostface standing right outside spying on Sean as he laughs evily before walking away.
Sean: (Narrating) They all head outside and I love how they start checking their phones to see which one is ringing, only to realize that it's Jennifer's fax machine. Yeah, how is that fucking possible when the fax machine is working even though the power is out?
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We see Sean sitting in his office in the dark and he ends up getting a fax from his fax machine)
Sean: (Turns to his left) Must be my fax from the Cinema Snob about a review he wants to do with me.
(Sean gets up from off of his office chair and walks over to his fax machine and ends up tripping over something)
Sean: Oh, shit! (Trips over something and hurts himself) OW! SON OF A BITCH! I'm good.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
Jennifer Jolie: (Reads the script page from the fax machine) "Interior, Jennifer's house. Living room, night." It's a script page.
Angelina Tyler: W-what's it say?
Jennifer Jolie: "With the bodyguard stabbed, the five stand trapped."
Tom Prinze: He's rewriting the movie.
Jennifer Jolie: "As the killer waits outside, suddenly the fax machine sends news of their fates."
Dewey Riley: It's a trick! Everybody outside!
Tom Prinze: Outside where he can pick us off one by one?
"Hey, it's either outside or stay inside where the killer could whack you all off the face of the earth. Your choice, pretty boy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Everybody runs out of the house, but Tom runs back inside because he wants to know who the killer will give mercy to. In other words, he's gotta know! Tom reads what happens next when he flicks on his lighter, which causes the house to explode, killing Tom.
(As the house explodes, Gale, Dewey and Jennifer scream and run. Angelina has disappeared)
"Wait a minute, where's Angelina?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) One minute she was with them and then the next she just suddenly disappeared. Did she get killed by the explosion as well?
(As the house continues to explode, Deweym Gale and Jennifer jump off the balcony and roll down a hill)
Jennifer Jolie: (While rolling down the hill) I can't stop rolling down the hill!
Sean starts laughing at one of the silliest moments from the movie. "Oh, my God. I get a great laugh when I hear that line every time when I see her rolling down that hill. I swear, she's the best character in this movie."
Sean: (Narrating) Dewey searches for Gale and Jennifer and he immediately finds Gale and sees the killer behind Gale as Dewey shoots the killer before rolling down the hill again. Ghostface disappears like he's friggin' Michael Myers and Gale and Dewey have their little moment.
Gale Weathers: Thanks for saving me.
Dewey Riley: Ah, it's a habit.
Gale Weathers: Oh, God.
(Gale touches Dewey's cut face and she tries to kiss him until Jennifer interrupts)
Jennifer Jolie: What the fuck…
"Yeah! What the fuck is correct, you just interrupted Gale and Dewey's moment, you bitch!" Sean exclaimed.
Jennifer Jolie: Who gave you a place to stay? Who are you supposed to be protecting?
Dewey Riley: Jennifer!
(Jennifer punches Dewey in the face)
Gale Weathers: Hey!
(Gale punches Jennifer in the face, knocking her down to the ground)
Jennifer Jolie: My… lawyer… liked… that.
Gale Weathers: Not as much as I did.
"Hey, after two films of her getting hit in the face by Sidney, Gale ends up punching that bitch in the face and she definitely enjoyed that. I mean, she went from this." Sean said.
(A clip from Scream plays, featuring a scene where Sidney punches Gale. Then, a clip from Scream 2 plays where Sidney backhands Gale in the face)
"To this." Sean said.
(We cut to Gale punching Jennifer in the face)
"Man, she's come a long way." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Angelina shows up, freaking out about Tom being in the house. Which is funny because she was nowhere to be seen right when the house exploded. The killer leaves another photo of Maureen Prescott, but with a message on the back of the photo that says "I Killed Her" written on it. Back at the station, Detective McDreamy thinks that there is a third killer and that Sidney might know something. Dewey tells Kincaid that he doesn't know where Sidney is and if there is a third killer Sidney doesn't know about it, which almost turns into a shouting match between the two of them.
Detective Mark Kincaid: Do you wanna have this conversation with a polygraph?
Dewey Riley: Is that a threat, Detective?
Detective Mark Kincaid: When it's a threat, you'll know it.
Dewey Riley: Was that a threat?
"Okay, McDreamy! You just threatened the wrong guy. You're messing with a professional wrestler here." Sean said, imitating Dewey.
Sean: (Narrating) Dewey tries to call Sidney, but he gets a surprise when Sidney shows up. She has a little reunion with Gale and she meets Detective Kincaid and he lets them know that the killer called her. Okay, since we've got Sidney here, let's get the movie rules out of the way. As the three of them head down to Sunrise Studios, where they meet up with Martha Meeks, played by Heather Matarazzo. Martha is Randy's sister and she has a tape for them to see, a tape from someone from beyond the grave. Which is a tape that Randy made before he died.
"And for those of you who missed last year's Halloween Havoc, this is what happened to Randy in the last film." Sean said.
(A clip from Scream 2 is shown, featuring Randy's death scene while "Night At Bald Mountain" plays in the background)
Sidney Prescott: Oh, my God.
Randy Meeks (Played by Jamie Kennedy): (On video) Well, if you're watching this tape, it means, as I feared, I did not survive these killings here at Windsor College, and that giving up my virginity to Karen Kolchak at the video store was probably not a good idea.
Dewey Riley: Karen Kolchak?
Randy Meeks: Yes, Karen Kolchak.
Dewey Riley: "Creepy Karen"?
Randy Meeks: Shut up! She's a sweet person, okay? We were workin' late. We were putin' away some videos in the porno section, and, you know, shit happens.
"Damn, Randy broke the one rule that you should never do in a horror movie… he had sex. Jesus, Randy. How could you do something like this?" Sean asked.
Sean's phone starts ringing again as he picks it up from off of the coffee table to answer it.
"Hello?" Sean said.
"Hi, is this Sean?" A female caller asked.
"Yeah, who's this?" Sean asked.
"Hi, I'm Gabbie Carter." Gabbie replied.
"Gabbie Carter? The pornstar Gabbie Carter?" Sean asked.
"Yeah. Your friend Lucas told me about you and I wanted to surprise you with Taylor. I just love nerdy film buffs who are adorable and have hot girlfriends." Gabbie said.
"Oh, really? So, you're into nerdy film buffs like me, huh?" Sean asked.
"Oh, yeah. Film buff that I would just love to slit their fucking throats!" Gabbie's voice suddenly changed to Ghostface's voice.
"Goddamn it!" Sean yelled out as Ghostface laughs.
"That's right, Sean. I'm coming back to get you, buddy boy. You're not gonna hide from me this time. Welcome to the last review of your life." Ghostface said.
"Oh, shit." Sean said, looking at the camera in fear.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Randy gives out the rules on how to survive a trilogy, because true trilogies are about going back to the beginning and discovering something that wasn't true from the get-go. Get your pen and paper out, here are the rules of a trilogy.
Randy Meeks: One: You've got a killer who's gonna be superhuman. Stabbing him won't work. Shooting him won't work. Basically, in the third one, you've gotta cryogenically freeze his head, decapitate him, or blow him up.
Meta Moment #9
Randy Meeks: Number two: Anyone, including the main character, can die. This means you, Sid. I'm sorry. It's the final chapter. It could be fuckin' Reservoir Dogs by the time this thing is through.
Meta Moment #10
Randy Meeks: Number three: The past will come back to bite you in the ass. Whatever you think you know about the past, forget it. The past is not at rest! Any sins you think were committed in the past are about to break out and destroy you.
Meta Moment #11
"And there you go, there are your important safety tips on how to survive a trilogy." Sean said. "But then again in a trilogy, there are no rules."
Sean: (Narrating) After listening to some of Randy's rules to surviving a trilogy, Gale does a little investigation of her own when she heads down to the Sunrise Studio Archive building for some clues and…
(Someone taps Gale on her shoulder. Gale screams and turns around to see Jennifer)
"Dah! Son of a bitch!" Sean yelled out after being jumpscared.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, Jennifer shows up and with a killer stalking her, Gale and Jennifer team up, which means hijinks will ensue between the two of them. They manage to get inside the Archives building, where they come across…
Gale Weathers: Hey, are you?
Bianca Burnette (Played by Carrie Fisher): No.
Jennifer Jolie: But you look just…
Bianca Burnett: Like her? I've been hearing it all my life.
Meta Moment #12
"What? No. Not Carrie Fisher." Sean said with a shocked look on her face.
Bianca Burnett: I was up for Princess Leia. I was this close. So, who gets it? The one who sleeps with George Lucas.
"Oh, Carrie. How can I make fun of this? I can't. I have no jokes for this. I cannot make fun of Carrie Fisher. But then again, she did run a house with fifty crazy bitches." Sean said, referencing the line from the 2009 movie Sorority Row.
Sean: (Narrating) Wanting some more information on Maureen Prescott, Bianca goes through the archives, noting that they would never find any information on Maureen, as she was back then Roberts, but instead pulls a file on "Rina Reynolds", Maureen's stage name, which shows off more publicity stills and the list of movies she's appeared in.
Bianca Burnett: Horror pictures back in Milton's heyday.
Gale and Jennifer: (Both) Back in what?
Bianca Burnett: John Milton, the horror producer? Those were his movies.
"For those of you who forgot, because I know I have by this point, John Milton was last seen earlier in the movie. But more about him later, trust me." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And here we come to my favorite scene and sequence in this movie which features Sidney. And it is good. While Dewey waits for her, Sidney goes to the bathroom to compose herself. In a scene reminiscent to the first film, only this time she sees a pair of feet going up. She arms herself and kicks the door open, only to find Angelina Tyler, who drops a number of things she was carrying and claims she was taking some souvenirs from off of the set because this is Angelina's first film role and plus she gets a little starstruck at meeting the real Sidney.
"Wait, it gets really good." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sidney notices that Angelina dropped her brush and she heads out to find her. With Angelina gone, Sidney finds herself walking out onto the Stab 3 stage, where she comes across a recreation of her own house from Woodsboro.
(A clip from Pee-Wee's Big Adventure is shown)
Pee-Wee Herman (Played by Paul Reubens): Deja vu.
Sean: (Narrating) I just love the many callbacks to the first film. Like Sidney looking up at the bedroom where she lost her virginity to Billy, then when Sidney enters her room, we get another callback to the first film with the PG-13 relationship thing between her and Billy. Christ, it's a really put together scene and you see some nice touches to it like Stu's garage door with Tatum's blood smeared against it and then it gets creepy when Ghostface tries to kill her.
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) Surprise, Sidney! Time to…
(Sidney punches Ghostface and runs away)
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) Ow! Son of a whore!
Sean: (Narrating) Sidney runs from the killer and makes him act like a klutz once more and she almost falls down to the set of the bedroom. But then stupidity sets in for Ghostface when Sidney pulls him through and throws him to the set of her bedroom. The killer manages to get away, but then Sidney gets plagued by the memories of her mother when she enters the set of her mother's bedroom with blood splattered all over the room and a body lying on the ground. And we get another call back to Scream. Then Dewey, Wallace and the cops show up as well as Kincaid. Kincaid takes Sidney back to the station for protection as Gale and Jennifer arrive shortly to show Dewey another photo of Maureen, which brings them to John Milton as we see him talking to Roman.
Roman Bridger: Not only did they kill the film, but they killed my cast. Nobody's gonna want to work with me. Variety called me a pariah. I don't even know what a pariah is.
"It means you're an outcast, Roman. An outcast. Hell, it's also the name of the production company that did The Colbert Report and Zombieland." Sean said as the Pariah logo is shown with a mob of people chasing down a bearded man.
Sean: (Narrating) What's bad enough is that it's the poor guy's birthday.
Jennifer Jolie: Oh, God, I forgot. Your birthday. Happy birthday, Roman.
Roman Bridger: Yeah, as if life isn't tragic enough.
Sean: (Narrating) After Roman leaves Gale, Dewey and Jennifer question Milton about Sidney's mother and this is where we get an insight on his history with Maureen.
Gale Weathers: Just what did happen to Maureen when she was in Hollywood?
John Milton: It was in the '70s. Everything was different. I was well-known for my parties. Rina knew what they were. It was for girls like her to meet men. Men who could get them parts if they made the right impression. Nothing happened to her that she didn't invite in one way or another, no matter what she said afterwards.
Gale Weathers: Are you saying she…
John Milton: I'm saying things got out of hand. Maybe they did take advantage of her. Maybe the sad truth is, this is not the city for innocents. No charges were brought. And the bottom line is Rina Reynolds wouldn't play by the wanna get ahead in Hollywood? You gotta play the game, or go home.
"Hmm, taking advantage of aspiring young actresses. Now, who does that remind me of that's known for doing that type of thing?" Sean asked.
(A picture of Harvey Weinstein is shown)
"Yep. That's the monster right there." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, Milton tells them that Maureen was raped many times at his parties which she would go to get parts, which is why she became "The Loose Woman of Woodsboro". Hell, the dude doesn't even care and Gale, Dewey and Jennifer look disgusted by the guy. Yeah, that's Harvey Weinstein in a nutshell. Back at the station, Sidney and Detective McDreamy bond a little, which helps builds up Kincaid's character somewhat a little.
Sidney Prescott: You seem to like the movies, Detective.
Detective Mark Kincaid: Call me Mark, would you? 'Cause I'm gonna keep calling you Sidney.
"Or you can just call me Detective McDreamy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, I'm kinda suspicious about Detective Kincaid. What if he's the killer? Yeah, I'm sure that the ladies find him handsome and all, but come on. The dude has the makings of a killer? He even go so far as to question her about her mother. Back with Gale, Dewey and Jennifer, they drive back to the station to tell Kincaid and Sidney about what they found out, but Dewey gets a phone call from Sidney telling them to drive down to Milton's house. They arrive at Milton's house, only to find Roman, Angelina and Tyson.
Roman Bridger: Sidney Prescott? No, I'd never invite her here.
Gale Weathers: She's on her way.
Roman Bridger: Well, the more the merrier.
Angelina Tyler: God, this house is incredible. It's old Hollywood.
Tyson Fox: Yeah, could the dude have more money?
Roman Bridger: Supposedly, Milton has a secret screening room that was like the scene back in the '70s, you know. It was like drinks and drugs and girls and movies and shit.
Angelina Tyler: Wow! Wish I could've seen it.
"Oh, darling. You do not want to be a part of that wild scene. Trust me. It is not amazing and you will not like it." Sean said.
Tyson Fox: Whoa! Just one damn minute. There's a psycho killer on the loose. And you want to go traipsing around this gigantic mansion? Have you ever actually seen the Stab movies? Every time this dude enters a room, he ends up a goddamn shish kebab.
"Yeah. Listen to the responsible black man in the room. He knows his horror movies. Way to go, brother. You're gonna survive this thing." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Roman's drunk ass decides to go check out Milton's secret screening room with Jennifer, Angelina and Tyson tagging along while Dewey and Gale wait for Sidney to arrive at the mansion. With Roman and Jennifer heading down the basement, Tyson and Angelina head upstairs to check out some of his posters of different movies until…
(Cut to the shot of Ghostface)
"AAAAH! Ghostface!" Sean screamed.
(It turns out to be a Ghostface costume as Roman lifts the mask up from off of the mannequin)
"Seriously, movie. If you're gonna give me a good jumpscare, it better be from the actual Ghostface.
Sean: (Narrating) While waiting for Sidney, Dewey calls up the number that called him, only for him and Gale to hear the phone ringing from the closet. They head over there only to find the Ghostface costume, phone and voice changer device, which means the killer is in the house. Dewey and Gale split up, only for Dewey to bump into Tyson while Gale heads down to the basement, only to find Roman's corpse in the coffin.
(Gale closes the coffin and backs into Jennifer and they both scream)
Jennifer Jolie: Is he dead?
Gale Weathers: Yeah, very.
"Well, of course he's dead, you dumb bitch! The dude just had a knife plunged into his chest." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Gale and Jennifer search the mansion for Dewey, but they happen to bump into Angelina who pops out from the secret entrance and they tell her that Roman's dead. They tell her that she's not safe alone then Angelina drops this little bombshell.
Angelina Tyler: I did not fuck that pig Milton to get a leading role just to die here with second-rate celebrities like you two!
(Angelina runs off as Gale and Jennifer look at each other in shock)
"Wow, she was boinking Milton to get the role of Sidney." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Angelina tries to leave the mansion, but she runs into Ghostface and he stabs her in the heart, killing her. Gale and Jennifer reunite with Dewey and all is well.
Gale Weathers: He got Roman and Angelina too.
Jennifer Jolie: We'll be safer if we stick together, won't we?
Dewey Riley: Of course. Why…
(Ghostface appears)
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) Surprise, motherfuckers!
(Ghostface punches Dewey in the face. Gale and Jennifer both scream as they run into a bedroom)
Tyson Fox: What's going on?
(Ghostface enters)
Tyson Fox: Oh, shit!
Sean: (V/O as Ghostface) Get the fuck out of my way, Kenny from The Cosby Show.
(Ghostface pushes Tyson)
Dewey Riley: (Enters and grabs Ghostface) Hey!
Jennifer Jolie: Dewey!
(Ghostface slashes Dewey's arm and punches him)
Gale Weathers: Dewey!
"Christ. How many times have Dewey been stabbed. Well, he's been stabbed in the back twice and he gets slashed in the arm. I swear, when Scream come out next year, that next stab better kills him." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Tyson tackles the killer, but with him being the token black guy in the movie, Ghostface stabs him in the stomach. He then runs off while Jennifer locks herself in the closet. Then the movie decides to go all Scooby-Doo on our asses when she slips through a secret passage.
"Well, let's check in on Tyson to see how he's doing." Sean said.
(Tyson runs down a hallway as Ghostface pulls a rug from under him, causing him to flip to the floor)
"What the hell? That look like something that Kevin from Home Alone would do." Sean said.
(The scene where Ghostface pulls a rug from under Tyson and causes him to flip on the floor is shown once more)
(A clip from Home Alone plays)
Kevin McAllister (Played by Macaulay Culkin): You guys give up or you're thirsty for more?
(Ghostface and Tyson struggle a bit before Ghostface throws him off the balcony, sending him falling to his death)
"Well, so much for the token black guy to survive in a horror film." Sean said.
(A clip from Canadian Bacon is shown)
Kabral (Played by Bill Nunn): The black guy always dies first.
Sean: (Narrating) The killer then turns his attention to Jennifer. She runs down the hall as she discovers two-way mirrors, only to see Dewey in the next room. She bangs on the glass to get Dewey and Gale's attention. And here we get some terrible line delivery from David Arquette.
Dewey Riley: Look, Gale. The mirror's moving.
"Ugh!" Sean exclaimed, rolling his eyes in disgust.
Sean: (Narrating) Being the macho man that he is, Dewey starts shooting at the mirrors but he was not fast enough when Ghostface kills Jennifer and her body falls through the glass. Uh, where the hell did Ghostface go? We did see him stab Jennifer and then a second later, he vanishes like he's friggin' Mandrake.
"God, this movie is giving me a headache!" Sean exclaimed while rubbing his temples.
(After Jennifer falls out of the mirrors dead, Gale starts screaming)
"Boy, that was terrible." Sean chuckled a bit. "You know, Gale from Scream and Scream 2 would never scream like that for what she just seen. Hell, she's seen far worse. You just destroyed her character, damn writers."
Sean: (Narrating) Gale and Dewey do the super smart move by splitting up, but then Ghostface strikes and grapples with Gale as they fall down the basement stairs and knocks Ghostface out. Dewey heads outside to find Tyson's body. Gale calls Dewey to tell her that she's trapped in the basement. The killer wakes up to try to kill Gale but Dewey arrives to shoot Ghostface but he's out of bullets.
(Ghostface throws his knife at Dewey. The blunt end hits him on the forehead and he falls down the stairs)
"Boy, play some cartoony sound effects to go with that and it'll be pretty friggin' hilarious." Sean said.
(A cartoony sound effect plays when Dewey gets hit by the blunt end of the knife, followed by the cartoony dizzy bird sound effect after he gets hit before falling down the stairs)
(Ghostface stands over Gale and Dewey. Gale looks up, scared, as Ghostface pulls out a knife)
"Well, I guess it's always good to have a spare." Sean said.
(A clip from iCarly is shown)
Sam Puckett (Played by Jennette McCurdy): A good assassin always has a backup.
Sean: (Narrating) Back at the precinct, Sidney is alone in Kincaid's office as she finds that Kincaid has pulled a number of her files and before she could look any further, she gets a phone call from herself. But, it's just the killer screwing with her.
Sidney Prescott: Who is this?
Ghostface: (On the phone) The question isn't who I am. The question is: Who's with me?
Dewey Riley: Sidney, stay away!
Gale Weathers: Sidney!
Ghostface: Don't do it. If you do one thing to attract attention to yourself, one thing, I'll kill them both. Now, do you have somewhere we can be… alone?
"I'm feeling a bit lonely and I need someone to keep me company." Sean said, imitating Ghostface.
Sean: (Narrating) Sidney grabs a gun from out of the desk and heads down to Milton's mansion to save Dewey and Gale. As she arrives, Ghostface leaves a metal detector next to Tyson's body for Sidney to use for her to get rid of her weapon. After she's unarmed, she finds Dewey and Gale tied to a chair, only for Ghostface to get the drop on her. But Sidney has a little surprise up her sleeve.
(Sidney pulls out another gun from her ankle)
Sidney Prescott: Think again. It's your turn to scream, asshole.
(Sidney shoots the killer five times and he falls)
Dewey Riley: Yeah!
"Eh, I'm sure he'll be fine. Besides, we have the shocking reveal coming up next." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The killer vanishes and Detective McDreamy shows up suddenly. But then, the killer attacks him and stabs him in the shoulder. Ghostface turns his attention towards Sidney and chases her. She heads into a room and locks herself in before heading into a secret passage, which leads to Milton's screening room and playing right now is a recent movie of Sidney's mother until Ghostface shows up to reveal a shocking secret.
Sidney Prescott: Who the hell are you?
Ghostface: The other half of you. I searched for a mother too, an actress named Rina Reynolds. Tried to find her my whole life. And four years ago, I actually tracked her down. Knocked at her door, thinking she'd welcome me with open arms, but she had a new life and a new name: Maureen Prescott. You were the only child she claimed, Sidney. She shut me out in the cold forever. Her own son.
(Ghostface takes off his mask and he's revealed to be Roman Bridger)
Roman Bridger: Roman Bridger, director. (Electronically Altered Voice) And brother.
"What? What? What? WHAT?!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) Roman Bridger, the director. Uh, didn't Gale check his pulse earlier? Anyway, Roman, having faked his death, is revealed to be Sidney's half-brother and he's not happy about Maureen leaving him. So, Roman would film Maureen with all of the men that she had been sleeping with, including Billy Loomis' father. He showed Billy the footage, which motivated him to kill her.
Sidney Prescott: You. This is all because of you.
Roman Bridger: I'm a director, Sid. I direct.
Sidney Prescott: Oh.
Roman Bridger: I had no idea… they were gonna make a film of their own. What a film it turned out to be, huh? I mean, introducing Sidney, the victim. Sidney, the survivor. Sidney, the star!
"I wanted all of the fame! Not you! Waah, waah, waah! What a whiny little bitch." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Roman brings John Milton into the frame and then he kills him. He then tells her his plan to frame her for the murders and doesn't that guy ever shut up?
Sidney Prescott: Why don't you stop your whining and get on with it? I've heard this shit before!
Roman Bridger: Stop!
Sidney Prescott: You know why you kill people, Roman? Do you?
Roman Bridger: I don't wanna hear it!
Sidney Prescott: 'Cause you choose to! There is no one else to blame!
Roman Bridger: Stop! Fucking damn it!
Sidney Prescott: Why don't you take some fucking responsibility?
Roman Bridger: (Charges at Sidney) Fuck you!
Sidney Prescott: Fuck you!
(Sidney hits Roman with the ashtray and he falls)
"Well, we know what this scene needs. The appropriate music." Sean said as he picks up the remote and pressed play.
(The Mortal Kombat theme plays during the fight between Sidney and Roman. Roman hits Sidney. Sidney hits Roman. Roman swings, but Sidney ducks. The fight scene continues as Roman chokes Sidney until Dewey cuts the power by sticking the tweezers in the power outlet)
Sean: (Narrating) Detective McDreamy shows up and finds Sidney but ends up getting knocked out by Roman. He looks for his gun and he tries to grab his knife but he couldn't find it.
Sidney Prescott: Hey. (Hold the knife) Lose something?
Roman Bridger: Found something.
(Roman picks up the gun and points it at Sidney. He shoots Sidney in the stomach. Sidney gasps and falls. Roman walks over to her and shoots her again)
"Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine. Besides, we need Neve Campbell for two more Scream movies." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Roman finds that Sidney is gone and he searches the room for her. His phone starts ringing until this happens.
(Sidney jumps up screaming and stabs Roman in the back with an ice pick twice)
"Okay, remember in my Scream review when I mentioned that Neve Campbell hit Skeet Ulrich in the chest. Well, in this one, Neve Campbell missed the pad that she was supposed to plunge the ice pick into and actually hit flesh. And that scream from Scott Foley, that was a genuine scream right there." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Sidney reveals to Roman that she was wearing a bulletproof vest and she plunges the ice pick into his heart. And with that Roman is dead.
Dewey Riley: Be careful, Sid. Randy said the killer's always superhuman.
Sidney Prescott: Yeah, well, he wasn't superhuman, Dewey. He wasn't superhuman at all.
"Uh, you idiots do realize that this is the part where the killer comes back for one last scare, right?" Sean asked.
(Roman jumps up, screaming. Gale screams as Dewey turns around and starts shooting at Roman in the chest)
Roman Bridger: FUCKING KILL ME! YOU CAN'T FUCKING KILL ME!
Sidney Prescott: Head! Head! Head, Dewey!
Dewey Riley: What?
Sidney Prescott: Head. Shoot him in the head.
(Dewey shoots Roman in the head, killing him)
"Why couldn't you have done that before instead of wasting your shots on his chest while he was wearing a bulletproof vest? Dumbass." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! Roman is dead and Sidney's life is back to normal. Dewey proposes to Gale and she says yes. Sidney returns home to watch a movie with Dewey, Gale and Detective McDreamy and they all live happily ever after….
(The poster for Scream 4 is shown)
Sean: (Narrating) Ugh, until Scream 4.
"And that was Scream 3. It was… eh… it was alright." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, of course the film is a mess, but I happen to enjoy some of the moments from the movie. The film had some expendable one-note characters, devoid of fresh ideas, it has some funny moments that I like and some of the characters act like idiots. Also, the reveal was dumb. Originally, Stu Macher was going to return and he was going to be the killer. But no, that didn't happen. Anyway, it's an okay, movie but they've could've done better. Scream 3 comes in at 3 knives out of 5.
"Well, that's all the time we have for today. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and…" Sean said as he gets interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He picks it up and answers the call. "Hello?"
All of a sudden, Ghostface appears as he gets ready to kill Sean.
"Wait!" Sean yelled out as Ghostface stops.
"What? What now?" Ghostface asks.
"Do you really want to kill me?" Sean asked.
"Well, yeah. We have to do this every year." Ghostface said.
"Okay. Go ahead. Ready?" Sean asked.
Ghostface nods his head and charges at Sean, but stops dead in his tracks when the young critic pulls out an MP5 submachine gun with a suppressor attached to it.
"Boy, they never thought of this in the movies." Sean said.
Sean pulls the trigger, gunning down Ghostface until he is dead. After he finished shooting him, Sean gets up from off of the couch with his MP5 still in his hand as he walks over to Ghostface's lifeless body. With his gun pointed at his assailant, Sean pokes at his body for a bit, then reaches for his mask to reveal his identity.
The killer was revealed to be JonTron.
"What the? JonTron?" Sean asked.
"Hey, Sean. I just wanted to pull a prank on you." JonTron said.
"Wait, how can you be the killer? What did I ever do to piss you off?" Sean asked.
"You didn't. Somebody's trying to toy with you." JonTron said.
Sean's phone starts ringing once more as he answers it.
"Hello?" Sean asked.
"Just one question, Sean. Do you think it's over? Do you?" The real Ghostface says.
"Well… it seems so. Unless you want me to sit around until I review Scream 4 for next year." Sean said.
"I have a little request for a little review for you." Ghostface said.
"Oy, what do you want me to review?" Sean asked.
"Look next to JonTron." Ghostface said.
Sean looks over to JonTron's body to pick up a Blu-Ray of the movie Shocker as Ghostface laughs maniacally.
"Really? Another Wes Craven movie? What am I, the Nostalgia Critic here? Couldn't Ghostface go after him with a Stephen King movie? Unbelievable." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Look, Gale. The mirror's moving.
And that is all for the review of Scream 3 for Halloween Havoc IV. I hope that you all enjoyed it. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Halloween Havoc continues as Sean takes a look at another Wes Craven film, the 1989 movie Shocker as Sean asks if the film is an underrated gem or is it a forgotten gem. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.