The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, this is it… the big one… the queen mother of bad films… this is the ultimate bad movie that Sean is going to be reviewing. And that movie happens to be the horrors of Tommy Wiseau's The Room. The infamous bad movie ever made. Will Sean survive this movie or will it be the death of him? Well, let's sit back, relax and pray for the Mayhem Critic, this is the new chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights belong to their respective sources. The Room is owned by Wiseau Films.
Episode 145
The Room
(The episode starts with the intro to "The Mayhem Critic")
After the intro is shown, we open with our favorite residential critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his couch in his living room and this time he was not his usual cheery self. He sighs deeply, feeling angered about what he's going to review for today as he wishes that he could review a good movie.
"You know… throughout the years. I've spotlighted some very dumb films from the dreaded Bat-Credit Card to RoboCop getting hit with a PG-13 rating to Dana Carvey dressed as a fucking turtle to Bill Cosby slapping vegetarians with his meat. But this… ohhhhh… I don't know. This time… I think I may have gone too far." Sean said.
(The title screen to "The Room" is shown)
"OH GOD!" Sean screamed out.
(A clip from Soul Plane is shown)
Elvis Hunkee (Played by Tom Arnold): WE ARE SO FUCKED!
(Clips from the movie are shown)
Sean: (Narrating) I think we've all heard of this movie. So what is The Room, you ask? Oh, you poor soul. The movie was an independent film released in 2003 by the writer/director/producer/star Tommy Wiseau. Oh, dear. (Pictures of Tommy Wiseau are shown) Who is Tommy Wiseau? Well, he's the guy who's responsible for this turkey. Well, his personal life including his age, wealth and background is unknown. He claimed to have lived in France and he claimed that he grew up in New Orleans. Hell, let's say that he's Polish and he grew up in Poland. But you know what I think? I think he's some space vampire from the planet Kazorpazorp.
"Okay, that last part was made up but it should be true." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Room was a passion project that he fought hard for. Wiseau wrote it as a play in 2001 after seeing the movie The Talented Mr. Ripley, then he adapted the play into a 540-page book, which he was unable to get published. His funding for the movie was pretty unknown. Some say that he made some of the money by importing leather jackets from Korea. But according to Greg Sestero's book The Disaster Artist, which was based on the making of The Room, Wiseau was already independently wealthy at the time production began. Some also say that he claims to have a huge fortune through entrepreneurship and real estate development in Los Angeles and San Francisco. The movie was shot with a 35mm and a high definition camera side-by-side since Wiseau couldn't know the difference. The entire behind the scenes crew have been replaced twice, the actress playing Lisa was originally an understudy and based on the interviews with the other actors, I'm sure they hated working on the project.
"And the result turned out to be a hot mess. And you know what? People loved how bad this movie is." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, people loved that stupid movie because this is the best bad movie ever. Hell, this movie was supposed to be a serious drama but Wiseau advertised the film as a black comedy.
"I got the Blu-Ray in my hand and let me read what they say about the movie. "The Room is an electrifying black comedy about love, passion, betrayal and lies. It's what happens in real life. You could be with your loving woman and all of a sudden BOOM! She's in bed with your best friend or a family member. "The Room" depicts of friendships and relationships im one life and raises life's real and most asked question: "Can you ever really trust anyone?" …Are you ready to see reflection of your life?" Uh, don't you mean, "Are you ready to see the reflection of your life?" Grammatical errors much?" Sean asked. "Look, when dealing with a bad movie like The Room, you gotta be prepared for this movie and I mean really prepared. Because this movie, who knows how bad it's gonna be! I mean, we might find some vile shit here! So, you gotta have… ALL the necessities here! I got my trusty pistol, I have my second gun which is a revolver, I got my Uzi and my MP5 machine guns with me and when things start to go south… I got plenty of grenades because some shit might go down when I review this movie!" Sean exclaimed. "All right. Let's not waste any time. Let's take a look at Tommy Wiseau's The Room. Pray for me."
(The movie opens with the Wiseau Films logo and it's opening credits, with the name "Tommy Wiseau" being shown in several credits)
Sean: (Narrating) The Room, it's the only film in the world where the logo tells you exactly what you're going to see. Hell, it makes me laugh just looking at it, even for 2003. Looks like the logo is using Turbo Grafx-16 animation. We then cut to the opening credits, featuring lovely shots of San Francisco and we see that Tommy Wiseau is the star, the executive producer, the producer, the writer and director. Yeah, more like the father, the son and the holy ghost.
(Johnny walks through the door and greets his fiancee Lisa)
Johnny (Played by Tommy Wiseau): (Very blandly, like all of his dialogue) Hi, babe. I have something for you.
"Oh, God. Where did he get dialogue lessons from Dr. Nick Riviera?" Sean asked.
(A clip from The Simpsons is shown)
Dr. Nick (Voiced by Hank Azaria): Hi, everybody!
Sean: (Narrating) This is Johnny, played by Tommy Wiseau. Johnny is a successful banker who lives with his beautiful fiancee Lisa, played by Juliette Danielle, and he surprises her with a little gift, which is a red dress.
Lisa (Played by Juliette Danielle): Oh. Johnny, it's beautiful. Thank you. Can I try it on now?
Johnny: Sure. It's yours.
Lisa: (Grabs Johnny by his tie and kisses him) You wait right here.
Johnny: Mmm.
Lisa: I'm gonna try it on right now.
Johnny: Mm-hmm.
(The next scene shows Lisa walking down the stairs in her red dress)
Johnny: Wow. You look so sexy, Lisa.
(Lisa twirls around to show off her new dress)
Lisa: Isn't it fabulous?
Johnny: I would do anything for my girl.
(Another character named Denny, walks through the door and greets Johnny and Lisa)
Sean: (Narrating) We're also introduced to another character named Denny, played by Philip Haldiman. Denny is a young college student who lives in the same apartment as Johnny and I have to say that Denny is a little creepy.
(Denny sees Lisa in her red dress)
Denny (Played by Philip Haldiman): Wow. Look at you.
Lisa: It's from Johnny.
Johnny: Anything for my princess. (Laughs)
"Okay, just to make things interesting. I'm gonna play a little drinking game. Take a shot each time Johnny says "hi" or laughs or when somebody plays football. Since he said "hi" twice, I'm gonna take two shots. Oh, and he laughed, so that's three shots." Sean said as he pours three shot glasses with SKYY vodka before drinking them.
Hi Counter: 2
Laugh Counter: 1
Johnny: Nice to see you, Denny. I'm going to take a nap.
(Lisa smiles at Johnny)
Denny: Can I go upstairs too?
(Johnny laughs)
Laugh Counter: 2
"Well, that didn't last long." Sean said before taking another shot. "I'm gonna get drunk before this damn movie ends."
Lisa: Denny, I think I'm gonna join him.
(Johnny laughs)
Laugh Counter: 3
"Goddamn it." Sean said, taking another shot once more.
Sean: (Narrating) Johnny and Lisa head upstairs to have a little pillow fight on the bed until Denny shows up to join them.
"Yeah, I think I need a drink for this one." Sean said before drinking another glass of vodka.
Johnny: Denny, do you have something else to do?
Denny: I just like to watch you guys.
Cut back to Sean, who immediately does a spit take upon hearing what Denny have just said.
Johnny: Denny, two's great, but three is a crowd. (Laughs)
Laugh Counter: 4
"Dude, you're weirding me out. I mean, yeah. If you're into that kind of thing of watching two people having sex. Hell, I would like to have Taylor's friend Stacey watch me and Taylor having sex, then maybe have her join us. Also, let's take another shot because Johnny laughed." Sean said before taking another shot.
Sean: (Narrating) After Denny leaves, we get our first sex scene in the movie. Which it's raining now when it was clearly day. And it consists of them dancing, then taking their clothes off while pillow fighting. Man, this sex scene takes forever. It took them a while for them to make out and it's taking them long to have sex. What the hell were they doing? Look, all they're doing is kissing, play with their clothes, (Sees Lisa's hairstyle changing in-between the fade-ins) Lisa putting her hair down and she puts it back up again. And don't you just love R&B music in 2003?
(The song plays in the background during Johnny and Lisa's sex scene)
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, my God! Brazzers porn never took forever for pornstars to have sex but this… shit! This whole sex scene is very awkward. Look at them bumping uglies in a weird way.
(Johnny is seen having sex with Lisa and it looks like he's penetrating her belly button)
Sean: (Narrating) Dude! Are you fucking her belly button? Uh, wrong hole! You're supposed to go for her vagina! The belly button is not where your dick goes!
"Geez, sex between me and Taylor is much better than this one because I know which hole to put it in." Sean said.
(We cut to the next morning, with Johnny waking up and getting out of bed)
Sean: (Narrating) After that horrendous sex scene is over, if you want to call it "sex", Johnny gets up and…
(Johnny walks out of the room, showing his bare ass to the camera, which has an image of Gibby from iCarly, his head superimposed on. This disgusts Sean, in which he screams in horror and covers his eyes)
"MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL EYES! I CAN'T SEE!" Sean screamed out.
(A clip from SpongeBob SquarePants is shown)
Fish #4 (Voiced by Dee Bradley Baker): MY EYES! MY EYES!
"GODDAMN IT, MOVIE! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Sean screamed. "I'm having a difficult time from sitting through his bad acting and then I end up seeing his bare ass in HD Blu-Ray quality! JESUS!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Lisa's mother Claudette, played by Carolyn Minnott, drops by to visit and she senses there's something wrong going on with her.
Claudette (Played by Carolyn Minnott): What's wrong? Tell me.
Lisa: I'm not feeling good today.
Claudette: Well, why not?
Lisa: I don't love him anymore.
Claudette: Why don't you love him anymore? Tell me.
Lisa: He's so… boring.
"If you call getting fucked in your belly button exciting, then you need something boring in your life.
Claudette: You said you loved him. He supports you. He provides for you. And darling, you can't support yourself. He's a wonderful man, and he loves you very much. And his position is very secure. And he told me he plans to buy you a house.
Lisa: That's why he's so boring.
Sean: (V/O as Lisa) I need a real man who's not boring, unemployed and can treat me like crap.
Claudette: You should marry Johnny. He would be good for you.
Lisa: I guess you're right about that.
Claudette: Of course I'm right. I know men. I wasn't born yesterday. I'm glad you're listening to your mother. Nobody else listens to me.
Lisa: You're probably right about that, Mom.
"Well, of course she's right. She's your mother. Mothers are always right." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So after Lisa's mother leaves, Lisa decides to call up Johnny's best friend Mark, played by Greg Sestero, and invites him over the next day and she wrangles him in to a room of seduction.
(Lisa pours Mark a glass of wine and hands it to him)
Mark (Played by Greg Sestero): Thank you.
Lisa: It's hot in here. (She unbuttons the top of her blouse) Do you mind?
Mark: No.
"Oh, sweet gentle Jesus. Please tell me he gets it." Sean said.
(Lisa approaches Mark in her strapless black dress)
Mark: I mean, the candles… the music, the sexy dress. I mean, what's goin' on here?
Sean: (V/O as Mark) Lisa, are you trying to seduce me?
Lisa: I like you very much, lover boy.
Mark: What are you doin' this for?
Lisa: What's the matter? Don't you like me? I'm your girl.
Mark: Johnny's my best friend.
Lisa: Forget… about Johnny. This is between you… and me.
(The song "Bump n Grind" by R. Kelly plays in the background while Lisa seduces Mark)
Sean: (Narrating) Mark eventually gives in to Lisa's advances and we get some steamy stair sex because the stairs is the best place to hit the g-spot.
(Lisa and Mark have sex on the stairs while an R&B song plays in the background)
"Christ, I'm not getting aroused by these sex scenes." Sean said.
(We hear the "You are my rose" part in the song being played repeatedly)
Sean: (Narrating) Well, what do you know. The song skipped. Okay, this sex scene is not erotic, can we cut to the next scene? After that sex scene, we cut to Johnny as we see him buying some flowers for Lisa. Can you guys guess what's wrong with the scene?
Johnny: (Enters the flower shop) Hi.
Florist: Can I help you?
Johnny: (Removing sunglasses) Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Florist: Oh hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you. Here you go.
Johnny: That's me. How much is it?
Florist: It'll be eighteen dollars.
Johnny: (Gives the florist some money) Here you go. Keep the change. (Pets the dog on the counter) Hi, doggy.
Florist: You're my favorite customer.
Johnny: Thanks a lot. Bye.
Florist: Bye-bye.
"Okay, did you notice anything wrong with the dialogue here? If not, then let me explain it to you." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Alright, so the dialogue in this scene is spoken quickly. Also, some of the lines are out of order, here's what they should've said.
Taylor: (V/O as Florist) Can I help you
Sean: (V/O as Johnny) Hi.
Taylor: (as Florist) Oh hi, Johnny. I didn't know it was you.
Sean: (as Johnny) That's me. Can I have a dozen red roses, please?
Taylor: (as Florist) Here you go.
Sean: (as Johnny) Hi, doggy.
Taylor: (as Florist) Here you go.
Sean: (as Johnny) How much is it?
Taylor: (as Florist) It'll be $18.
Sean: (as Johnny) Here you go. Keep the change.
Taylor: (as Florist) You're my favorite customer.
Sean: (as Johnny) Thanks a lot. Bye.
Taylor: (as Florist) Bye-bye.
Sean: (Narrating) That's how it should've been written. Also, what's with the florist not knowing it was him? Really? You didn't recognize some five-foot French vampire with long hair wearing sunglasses and after he took off his sunglasses you recognized him? So what was up with not recognizing him? After that ridiculous scene, Denny drops by to visit so he can talk to Johnny, but instead he sees Lisa.
Denny: You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?
"Holy shit, Denny is a creepy bastard." Sean said.
Lisa: You are such a little brat.
Denny: I'm just kidding. I love you and Johnny.
"Holy shit, Denny is a creepy bastard!" Sean exclaimed while he stares in shock.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, what kind of person orders a pizza with these toppings on it?
Lisa: (On the phone) Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks.
"Is this a San Francisco thing that I don't know about because you people put the weirdest shit on pizzas like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." Sean said.
(Johnny returns home)
Johnny: Hi, babe. (Gives Lisa the roses) These are for you.
Hi Counter: 3
"Oy." Sean said before taking another shot.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Johnny returns home to tell Lisa that he didn't get the promotion.
Johnny: That son of a bitch told me that I would get it within three months. I saved them bundles. They're crazy. I don't think I will ever get it. They betrayed me. They didn't keep their promise. They tricked me and I don't care anymore.
"Wow, he sounded very distraught. Yawn!" Sean exclaimed. "Jesus, he reads lines he wrote like he doesn't understand them.
Sean: (Narrating) Lisa makes him a drink of scotch and vodka… a weird combination. And plus, he doesn't drink. Yeah, scotch and vodka is the best drink to give someone who doesn't drink.
Lisa: Don't worry about it. It's good for you.
(He sits his glass down on the table)
Johnny: You must be crazy. I can't drink this.
Lisa: If you love me, you'll drink this.
(Lisa raises the glass to his mouth and he drinks)
Johnny: You're right. It tastes good.
Laugh Counter: 5
"Okay, first of all: this is how the Jonestown Massacre started. And second: scotchka is not your mother's cooking. Come on, dude! You do not need to know about scotchka." Sean said.
(We cut to Johnny and Lisa having quite a bit to drink)
Johnny: (Drunk) I'm tired. I'm wasted. I love you, darling.
(We cut to a time card that reads "A Few Moments Later")
Narrator: A few moments later.
(Then we cut to the bedroom for a lovemaking sequence that seems to be recut from their previous lovemaking sequence, this time while "Bump N Grind" by plays in the background)
"Oh, for the love of God! Another sex scene?! Okay, screw the drinking game! Get rid of the counters, because I'm gonna need the whole damn bottle of vodka just to get through this torture!" Sean exclaimed. "Also, they cut and paste the same damn sex scene into the movie."
Sean: (Narrating) So after we're spared with that torture, Lisa's mother drops by to help Lisa organize for Johnny's birthday party and she drops this little bomb on her.
Claudette: Nobody wants to help me, and I'm dying.
Lisa: You're not dying, Mom.
Claudette: I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.
"Wow, she's taking that news pretty well. I wonder how Lisa is going to react." Sean said.
Lisa: Look, don't worry about it. Everything will be fine.
"Oy, and surprisingly she's taking the news pretty well. Wow, what a way to bury the lead about having breast cancer and this movie buries breast cancer. It's never brought up again. Why? So we need to deal with this shit again." Sean said.
Claudette: Well, at least you have a good man.
Lisa: You're wrong. Mom, he's not what you think he is. He didn't get his promotion, and he got drunk last night. And he hit me.
Claudette: (Looking shocked) Johnny doesn't drink.
"Bitch, it was your plan to get him drunk that he might hit you. The only thing he did was hit it in the belly button instead of hitting it in the back. Mwah! Goodnight, everybody!" Sean exclaimed. "Jesus, why are we talking about this? Oh, right. Because she doesn't love Johnny, she loves Mark. Tramp."
(We cut to another couple named Mike and Michelle walking into Johnny's apartment)
"Uh, what are these characters doing here?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) These are Lisa's friends Mike and Michelle, played by Mike Holmes, who's credited as Mike Scott, and Robyn Paris. So, what are they doing here? Well, to have sex of course! And are they important to the story?
"Let me give you just one answer…." Sean said.
(A clip from Austin Powers in Goldmember is shown)
Dr. Evil (Played by Mike Myers): How about no, you crazy Dutch bastard!
(Mike and Michelle sit on the couch and Mike opens a box of chocolates)
Mike (Played by Mike Holmes, credited as Mike Scott): Did you, uh, know… that chocolate is the symbol of love?
"Did you know that when you shoot yourself in the hand, you'll start bleeding? Here, let me demonstrate." Sean said as he pulls out his Smith & Wesson Model 29 magnum, pulling the trigger and shoots himself in the hand. He starts to laugh maniacally before screaming out in pain. "SON OF A BI…!"
(TV static transitions to: a photo of Sean wearing a strait jacket while the song "Chequered Love" by Kim Wilde plays in the background and the words "We'll Be Right Back" shown on the screen)
Michelle (Played by Robyn Paris): Chocolate is a symbol of love.
(Michelle places a piece of chocolate in Mike's mouth and then she makes out with him. She starts to go down on him, but he begins reacting with comically exaggerated orgasm faces before she's in position to do anything)
"Wow, he gets cross eyed before the blowjob." Sean said.
(We cut to Mike and Michelle getting startled by Lisa and Claudette entering the apartment)
Claudette: Hello? What are these characters doing here?
"I just asked that exact same question a few minutes ago. Hell, like I said, they serve no purpose to the story. Try asking Mr. Wiseau why they're in the movie." Sean said.
(Denny enters the apartment)
Denny: Hey, Lisa.
Lisa: Hey, Denny.
Claudette: How many people come in and out of this apartment every day?
"That's a good question. I begin to wonder that myself." Sean said.
Denny: I just need to borrow some sugar.
Lisa: Help yourself, Denny.
Denny: I also need a cup of flour and a half a stick of butter.
Claudette: Doesn't your home have a kitchen?
"Doesn't your breasts have cancer?" Sean asked as the audience boos at him. "What? What? What?!"
(We cut to Denny playing some ball on the apartment's rooftop and a criminal named Chris-R shows up)
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, we see that there's trouble brewing for Denny as we see a drug dealer by the name of Chris-R, played by Dan Janjigian, who's an actual actor and he's the only good actor in this movie. Anyway, Chris-R goes to see Denny and asks him for his money.
Denny: Chris-R. I've been lookin' for you.
Chris-R (Played by Dan Janjigian): Yeah, sure you have. You have my money, right?
Denny: Yeah. It's comin'. It'll be here in a few minutes.
Chris-R: What do you mean it's coming, Denny? Where's… my money?
"Um, is it up your ass and around the corner?" Sean asked.
Denny: Just give me five minutes. Just give me five.
Chris-R: Five minutes? You want five fuckin' minutes, Denny? You know what? I haven't got five fucking minutes! (He pulls a gun on Denny) I'm gonna ask you again, Denny. Where's my money?
"Isn't that how the money is financed?" Sean asked.
Chris-R: Where's my money, Denny?
(A sound clip from Family Guy plays)
Stewie Griffin (Voiced by Seth MacFarlane): Where's my money, man? You gonna give me my money? Where's my money, man?
Sean: (Narrating) But luckily Johnny and Mark arrive to save Denny and take Chris-R away and Lisa and her mother confront Denny.
Lisa: What did that man want from you?
Denny: Nothing.
Claudette: Oh, that was not nothing.
Lisa: Tell me everything.
Claudette: You have no idea what kind of trouble you're in here, do you?
Denny: I owe him some money.
Lisa: What kind of money?
Denny: I owe him some money.
Lisa: What kind of money?
"Drug money, duh!" Sean exclaimed.
Denny: I bought some drugs off of him. Things got mixed up. I didn't mean for this to happen.
Lisa: What kind of drugs, Denny?
Denny: It doesn't matter. I don't have them anymore.
Claudette: It doesn't matter? How in the hell did you get involved with drugs?
"Yeah, Denny. Haven't you learned from Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue?" Sean asked. "Play me off, Alan Menken."
(Sean gets off of his couch and starts singing to the song "Wonderful Ways to Say No")
Sean: (Sings) There's a million wild and wonderful ways to say no.
Brian: (Sneezes) Guess I'm allergic.
Dave: (Sings) And a good excuse is something you never outgrow.
Cheryl: It's bad for my complexion!
Taylor: (Sings) Go on, push eject, protect yourself, get up and goooo!
All: (Sings) There's a million zillion wonderful ways to say no!
(Cut back to the movie)
Claudette: Where in the hell did you meet that man?
Lisa: What kind of drugs do you take?
Denny: It's nothing like that.
Lisa: What the hell is wrong with you?
Denny: I just needed some money to pay off some stuff.
Claudette: This is not the way you make money.
Lisa: How much?!
Denny: Stop ganging up on me!
Claudette: Well, it is time somebody ganged up on you. For God's sake! A man like that! Where in the hell did you meet a man like that?
Denny: It doesn't matter.
Claudette: It matters a great deal. A man holds a gun on you. You almost got killed. You expext me to forget that?
Denny: You're not my fucking mother!
Claudette: You listen to me, boy! (Pulls Denny roughly towards her)
Lisa: No, no! No, don't!
(Lisa hugs and comforts Denny)
"Okay, take it easy Granny Goose. No need to beat up a college student." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, I think that old lady needs to lay off the Matlock reruns. Also, nice green screen there. So after this pointless subplot and… (Notices Johnny making a face while gripping Denny's hair) What's he doing with his face? Sorry about that. Let's move on to the next scene as Lisa calls up Mark to tell him how much she misses him and wants to jump his bones some more.
Lisa: (On the phone) I just wanted to hear your sexy voice. I keep thinking about your strong hands around my body. It excites me so much. I love you.
Mark: Is Johnny there?
Lisa: He's… in the shower.
Mark: I don't understand you. Why do you do things like this?
"Jesus, how oblivious is this guy? Okay, can we please move on to the next scene?" Sean asked.
Johnny: I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit. I did not hit her. I did NOT. (Throws his water bottle away and then notices something) Oh, hi, Mark.
We cut back to Sean as he looks on in horror as the scene begins to replay.
Johnny: I did not hit her. It's not true. It's bullshit. I did not hit her. I did NOT. (Throws his water bottle away and then notices something) Oh, hi, Mark.
"Holy… okay. I think I don't need to pour some of this vodka in a glass. I'm just gonna drink straight right out of the bottle. Because I have just witnessed the worst piece of acting in this film." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Also, I would just like to point out that it took like 32 takes for him to get it right and this was the best take. Man, just imagine what the previous 31 shots were like. It must've been a nightmare. So anyway, Johnny talks to Mark about Lisa and telling him about her saying that he hit her when he clearly didn't hit her and then they start talking about cheating girlfriends.
Mark: You think girls like to cheat like guys do?
Johnny: What makes you say that?
Mark: I don't know. I'm just… I'm just thinkin'.
Johnny: I don't have to worry about that, because Lisa's loyal to me.
Mark: Yeah, man, you never know.
"Says the guy who's boinking his best friend's fiancee." Sean said.
Mark: People are very strange these days. I used to know a girl. She had a dozen guys. One of 'em found out, beat her up so bad she ended up in a hospital on Guerrero Street.
Johnny: (Laughs) What a story, Mark.
"That's not funny. That's not even remotely funny. Why would you laugh about that, you sick weirdo?" Sean asked.
Johnny: I'm so happy I have you as my best friend, and I love Lisa so much.
Mark: Yeah, man. Yeah, you are very lucky.
Johnny: Well maybe you should have a girl, Mark.
Mark: Yeah. Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I have one already. I don't know yet.
"It's complicated. Maybe it's someone that we both know and that we're both sleeping with." Sean said, imitating Mark.
(Denny enters, passing Mark)
Denny: Hey, Johnny.
Johnny: Hi, Denny.
Denny: What's wrong with Mark?
Johnny: He's cranky today. (Laughs)
Sean: (Narrating) Would you stop laughing at stuff that isn't funny?!
"In the meantime, here's another episode of The Young and the Creepy." Sean said.
(The theme to "The Young and the Restless" plays in the background)
Denny: (While tossing the football around) It's about Lisa.
Johnny: Go on.
Denny: She's beautiful. She looks great in her red dress. I think I'm in love with her.
Johnny: Go on.
Denny: Sometimes when I'm around her… I feel like wantin' to kiss her and tell her that I love her.
Johnny: Lisa loves you too, as a person… as a human being, as a friend.
"Okay, so this man-child that you've adopted has just admitted to being in love with your fiancee and what you just throw around the football. How stupid are you?" Sean asked.
Johnny: You can love someone deep inside your heart and there is nothing wrong with it. If a lot of people loved each other, the world would be a better place to live.
"Well, thanks for those words of wisdom, Dr. Johnny. I think I'm gonna use that for the Quote of the Day." Sean said.
Denny: Thanks for paying my tuition.
Johnny: You're very welcome, Denny, and keep in mind if you have any problems, talk to me, and I will help you.
Denny: Awesome. Thanks, Johnny.
Johnny: Let's go eat, huh?
(Johnny leaves the rooftop with Denny)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, HUH sounds like a good place to eat. I wanna get the HUH burger with everything on it and some HUH fries. Maybe the HUH platter sounds good. Anyway, we cut to Lisa as we see her talking to her friend Michelle about Johnny and she tells her that he didn't get his promotion and then she lies about him.
Michelle: Oh. Is he disappointed?
Lisa; Quite a bit. He got drunk last night. (Sighs) And he hit me.
Michelle: He hit you?
"YOU WHORE! YOU LYING WHORE! YOU'RE SUCH A LYING WHORE! YOU'RE THE ONE THAT GOT HIM DRUNK, YOU FUCKING BITCH!" Sean screamed out in rage.
Michelle: Are you okay?
Lisa: Well, I don't wanna marry him anymore.
Michelle: What?!
Lisa: Johnny's… okay, but I found somebody else.
Michelle: (Chuckles) Lisa! This isn't right. You're living with one guy and you're sleeping with another guy.
Lisa: I'm doing what I want to do.
"You know, it's scheming bitches like you, I just want to shoot you. I'm oughta give you a taste of my Dirty Harry magnum." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Michelle tells Lisa to be honest with Johnny or else people are gonna get hurt. But Lisa loves Mark and blah, blah, blah! Moving on. So after her little girl talk with Michelle, Johnny returns home and confronts Lisa about not hitting her.
Johnny: I never hit you. You shouldn't have any secrets from me. I'm your future husband.
Lisa: You sure about that? Maybe I'll change my mind.
"Can I please hit this woman? Or better yet, how about I shoot the bitch? How's that sound?" Sean asked as he picks up his magnum.
Sean: (Narrating) Well, let's take a look at some of the worst acting ever.
Johnny: Why, Lisa? Why, Lisa? Please talk to me. Please! You're part of my life. You're everything. I could not go on without you, Lisa.
Lisa: You're scaring me.
Johnny: You are lying! I never hit you! You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
"Well, that performance was Oscar gold." Sean said in a sarcastic tone.
Lisa: Don't worry about it. Everything will be all right.
Johnny: You drive me crazy.
Lisa: Goodnight, Johnny.
Sean: (V/O) Don't slip on the semen on your way up the stairs, bitch.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Johnny sees Mike and they start talking.
Mike: Um, actually, Johnny. I…I got a little bit of a tragedy on my hands.
Johnny: Uh-huh.
Mike: Yeah. Me and Michelle, we were… we were makin' out. Uh, at your place.
(Johnny chuckles)
Mike: And, uh, Lisa and Claudette sort of, uh… walked in on us in the middle of it. That's not the end of the story.
Johnny: Go on. I'm listening.
Mike: We're goin' at it, and, um, I get out of there as fast as possible. You know? I get my pants, I get my shirt and I get outta there. And then about halfway down the stairs, I realize that I… I have misplaced… I've forgotten something.
Johnny: Mm-hmm.
Mike: Uh, my underwear.
(A clip from the movie Greedy is shown)
Frank (Played by Phil Hartman): No. Shitting a sailboat, that's a shock. This is a fucking catastrophe!
"Yeah, what Phil Hartman from the movie Greedy just said." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, Denny shows up to play some football… (Sees that Johnny, Mike and Denny are tossing the football around) or just toss the ball around. And Mark shows up to toss the ball around and he lightly taps Mike down to the ground and injures him. So much for that pointless, but hey we got another scene with Lisa and her mother.
"Oh, let me guess. Lisa is gonna say that she doesn't love Johnny anymore?" Sean asked.
Lisa: Mom, I don't love Johnny anymore.
"Holy shit! Didn't you have that exact same conversation before? She's like… (Imitates Claudette) "You should marry Johnny." (Imitates Lisa) "I don't love Johnny." (Imitates Claudette) "You're such a whore." (Imitates Lisa) "I know, Mom." (Normal voice, angry) CAN WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE BESIDES THIS POINTLESS SHIT?!" Sean yelled out.
(Cut to Johnny sitting on the stairs, overhearing Lisa and Claudette's conversation)
Sean: (Narrating) But Johnny overhears Lisa's conversation with her mother. So after they leave, Johnny comes up with a plan to record everything when he pulls out a tape recorder from out of his ass and hooks it up to the phone so he can discover who it is.
"Um, who uses tape recorders anymore? Who even has a tape recorder anymore? And why hooking it up now? It's not like he can record. Nice plan there, buddy. Nice plan." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The movie introduces us to another character named Peter, played by Kyle Vogt. Peter is Johnny's friend and he's also a psychologist. And if you guess that he's quickly introduced and then dropped again, then you're friggin correct.
Johnny: I have a serious problem with Lisa. Um, I don't think she's faithful to me. I fact, I know she isn't.
Peter (Played by Kyle Vogt): Lisa? Are you sure?
Johnny: Yeah, I'm sure. I overheard a conversation between Lisa and her mother. What should I do, Peter?
Peter: (Sighs) This is Lisa we're talking about?
Johnny: Yeah.
Peter: I don't know what to say.
Johnny: But you are a psychologist. Do you have some advice?
"Yeah, I have some advice for you. Um… dump the bitch." Sean said, imitating Peter.
Sean: (Narrating) Mark shows up and the three of them start talking about women and stuff and feelings, all that boring stuff. Can we talk about something interesting?
Mark: Hey, are you running Bay to Breakers this year?
Johnny: I am, sure.
Peter: No, I'm not doing it this year.
Johnny: (Laughs) Chicken, Peter! You're just a little chicken! Cheep! Cheep-cheep-cheep cheep! Cheeeeeeeeep!
"Wow, that was pointless." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So while Johnny's in the kitchen, Lisa shows up and Mark leaves. Then, Peter goes to talk to Mark up on the roof and Mark is in a dark path. And by dark path, I mean he's sitting on the roof while smoking a joint. Peter tries to warn Mark about the dangers of smoking weed, which causes suicidal tendencies and trying to kill a psychologist after he assumes that Mark is having an affair with Lisa.
Mark: What?
(Mark gets angry and ineffectively tries to push Peter off the roof.
Peter: What are you, nuts? Gahhh!
(Peter shoves Mark away)
Mark: Sorry.
Sean: (V/O as Mark) We all go a little mad sometimes.
Mark: Why do you want to know my secret, man? Well, you're right. It's Lisa. I don't know what to do, man. I'm so depressed. It's all her fault. She's such a manipulative bitch!
Peter: How the hell did you let this happen?
Mark: Fuck!
Peter: You know this is gonna ruin your friendship with Johnny. What were you thinking?
"He wasn't thinking. He just thought that Lisa was smoking hot and he wanted to tap that ass before she gets married to Johnny." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Peter gives Mark some professional advice, which is to stop seeing Lisa and not sleep with her and find another girl because Lisa is a crazy bitch. The next day, we see that Johnny is getting ready for some wedding pictures. Peter shows up one last time before we don't see him again and Mark shows up clean-shaven and wearing a tux because it's important to the movie.
Mark: You like it?
Peter: Yeah. It looks great.
Johnny: You look great. You look like a babyface now.
Denny: You guys wanna play some football?
Peter: In tuxes? No. You gotta be kidding.
Denny: Come on, Mark. Let's do it.
Mark: I'm up for it.
(Johnny laughs)
Denny: Johnny?
Johnny: Ask Peter.
Denny: Come on, Peter!
Peter: No, I don't think so.
Denny: Please?
Peter: Nope.
Sean: (V/O as Peter) I'm not getting my tux ruined. Nope.
All: Cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep-cheep!
(Cut to an alley where Johnny, Mark, Peter and Denny are throwing around the football in tuxedos)
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, my God! What is with you guys and football?! Is it a San Francisco thing? Also, this is the last time we see Peter in this movie because the actor who played him quit before the film was finished. We then get a couple of shots of San Francisco before cutting to a coffee shop, where the movie lets you know what the extras are going to be ordering.
Coffee Shop Customer #2 (Played by Nora DeMarcky) : I'll have a large peanut butter whip with extra whipped cream, please.
Barista #2 (Played by Daron Jennings): All right.
Coffee Shop Customer #1 (Played by Thomas E. Webster): And I'll take some cheesecake and a coffee.
Barista #2: Okay, why don't you guys have a seat? We'll have that right out for you.
(As the two customers take their seats, two more customers approach the counter to take their orders)
Susan (Played by Padma Moyer): Hi, how you doing? What would you like?
Coffee Shop Customer #4 (Played by Frank Willey): Can I get a bagel and an Americana?
Susan: Great, sure.
Coffee Shop Customer #3 (Played by Arelle Mitkowski): I'm gonna get a slice of cheesecake and a bottle of water.
Barista #2: Yeah, sounds good. Why don't you guys have a seat, we'll have that right out for you.
"What a way to add some realism to your film. That reminds me, I would like a slice of apple pie with ice cream and whipped cream on the side and a cup of coffee with French vanilla cream and two sugars." Sean said.
Mark: How was work today?
Johnny: Oh, pretty good. We got a new client, and the bank will make a lot of money.
Mark: What client?
Johnny: I cannot tell you. It's confidential.
Mark: Aw, come on. Why not?
Johnny: No, I can't. Anyway, how is your sex life.
Sean immediately falls off of the couch and faints after hearing that line being said by Johnny.
Mark: I can't talk about it.
Johnny: Why not?
"Why not? Why would you ask that question right out of the fucking blue?! How could you do this, you weird… space vampire alien!" Sean exclaimed.
(Cut to later at night when Lisa invites Mark over)
Sean: (Narrating) Later that night, Lisa invites Mark over for a little fun in the sack.
Mark: What's going on here?
Sean: (Narrating) Jesus Christ, dude! Can you be a fucking idiot?! She wants to make a spicy hormone sandwich with you. That's what happens every time she invites you over. Do you need landing lights and a giant fucking sign pointng to the bed?!
"Screw it, play the sex scene." Sean said.
(Mark and Lisa have sex while the song "Bump N Grind" plays in the background once more. After the scene ends, we cut to a shot of the Golden Gate Bridge while the song "Everywhere You Look" by Jesse Frederick plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we cut to Johnny meeting up with Mark at the park and (Sees Johnny and Mark playing football) JESUS TAP-DANCING CHRIST! Do you morons do anything else other than play football? I swear, I think that this is a San Francisco thing. They're not even playing football, they're just throwing it back and forth! Don't you clowns know the rules to football?! Why don't you get a new hobby? In fact, read a book! Paint a picture! Play video games! Review bad movies like me! Hell, Mark's found a new hobby which is giving his best friend's fiancee his Wunder Bonerand acting totally surprised about. Like what he's about to do right now!
(Lisa takes off her top in front of Mark)
Lisa: Come on.
Mark: Wait, what are you doing?
Lisa: Nothing.
Sean screams in anger in total annoyance as Mark and Lisa yet again prepare to make out.
Sean: (Narrating) But luckily, their sexy time is interrupted when someone knocks on the door and they quickly get dressed. Michelle enters to see Mark putting his shirt on and bringing some stuff for Johnny's party. After he leaves, Michelle and Lisa do some talking and stuff which bores the shit out of me.
Lisa: You know, I really loved Johnny at first. Everything's changed. I need more from life than what Johnny can give me. Suddenly, my eyes are wide open and I can see everything so clearly. I want it all.
"Look, babe. If want it all, then why don't you come on over to my house so you can get it all from me. Yeah, I oughta give you my rock hard big black… uh, yeah. If I want to keep this story to a T-rating, I better watch what I say." Sean said.
Lisa: Don't worry about me. I have everything covered.
Michelle: Your point of view is so different from mine.
Lisa: Look, I don't wanna talk about it.
"Scene where this reaction makes sense currently located near Jimmy Hoffa." Sean said.
Lisa: I don't see what the big deal is. Doesn't everybody look out for number one? Don't I deserve the best?
"Uh, nope." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) After more pointless stuff like Johnny and Mark doing some jogging while talking to each other, Claudette shows up to talk to Lisa, and they discuss the same goddamn thing that they've discussed about in the last three conversations. Here, let me say the lines for you: (Imitates Lisa) "I'm in love with Mark, not Johnny." (Imitates Claudette) "It's not right, Lisa." (Imitates Lisa) "But I'm not happy."
"SKIP IT!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) After that pointless scene, discount Charles Lee Ray returns home and we see a surprise party being thrown for him and Johnny and his friends drink and chat with each other.
(The scene cuts to a night shot of the city)
"What was that? The loading screen for the movie?" Sean asked.
(The city shot replays with a loading bar and the title of the scene "Happy Birthday, Johnny!" followed by the subtitle "How is your sex life?")
Sean: (Narrating) So while everybody is having a good time at the party, Lisa sends everybody outside for some fresh air, except for Mark because she wants to have some sex with him. Are you fucking kidding me?! At your fiance's birthday party?! How slutty are you, bitch?!
Mark: So, uh, what do you want to show me?
Lisa: It's a surprise.
(Lisa stars making out with Mark on the couch)
Sean: (Narrating) Right, just make out during your own fiance's birthday party. I'm sure that no one will catch you in the act.
Mark: What are you doing? Are you crazy? Everybody's here.
Lisa: No, they're not. They're all outside.
(They both laugh)
Mark: You devil. You planned this all along.
(They both start to kiss some more until a man named Steven catches them in the act)
Steven (Played by Greg Ellery): What's going on here?
"Who the fuck is this guy?" Sean asked.
Steven: Why are you doing this?
Lisa: I love him.
Steven: I don't believe it.
Mark: You don't understand anything. Leave your stupid comments in your pocket!
(Mark leaves)
Steven: Do you understand what you're doing? You're going to destroy Johnny. He's very sensitive.
"Again, who the fuck is this guy?" Sean asked.
Lisa: I don't care. I'm in love with Mark.
Steven: How can you do this? You make me sick.
"Thank you. See? I agree with… I'm sorry, who the hell are you, dude?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) During the party, Johnny makes announces to everyone that they're expecting, then Michelle talks to Lisa about being honest with Johnny. Aside from that, Lisa tells Michelle and that other guy that there is no baby because she told him that to make it interesting.
Steven: I feel like I'm sitting on an atomic bomb, waiting for it to go off.
Michelle: Me too. I mean, there's no simple solution to this.
Lisa: Don't worry. You guys worry entirely too much about me.
Michelle: Lisa, we're not worried about you. We're worried about Johnny.
"Yeah, he's very sensitive. You don't know what he's going to end up doing if you break his heart." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Later on at the party, Mark and Lisa start arguing with each other and Johnny steps in and ends up joining the argument, causing him and Mark to piss each other off.
Johnny: What's going on here?
Mark: You really don't know, do you?
Johnny: Maybe I know more than you think I do, Mark. (Shoves Mark)
Mark: Shit! All right?
Johnny: What do you want from me? Huh?
(Johnny shoves Mark into a table, then Mark attacks Johnny while cartoony cat noises plays in the background until everybody breaks them apart)
Johnny: All right. All right! Okay, folks everything is fine. The fight is over. I'm sorry, Mark.
(Johnny shakes Mark's hand)
Mark: Yeah. Me too.
"Well, at least this fight is all over. Now everybody can get on with their lives and have a great time at the party." Sean said.
(Johnny sees Lisa dancing with Mark, flaunting her affair with Mark in front of him)
Johnny: What are you doing?
Lisa: None of your business. You're my future wife. What are you doing, Lisa?
Mark: Leave her alone, man. She doesn't want to talk to you.
Johnny: Since when do you give me orders?
"Son of a bitch." Sean said.
Mark: Since Lisa changed her mind about you.
(Johnny scoffs)
Mark: Wake up, man! What planet are you on?
"Thank you for asking that question, buddy." Sean said.
Johnny: I think you should leave right now, Mark.
Lisa: Don't spoil it. We were just having fun.
Mark: Don't worry about it, man.
Johnny: (Pushes Mark away) Don't touch me, motherfucker. Get out.
(Mark and Johnny fight over cartoony cat noises as Lisa attempts to break it up)
Lisa: Stop it! Stop it!
Johnny: Leave my girl alone! (Pushes Mark)
Lisa: You two are acting like children.
Mark: Son of a bitch.
Lisa: You're going to ruin the party.
Mark: If you'd keep your girl satisfied, she wouldn't come to me.
Johnny: (Takes off his jacket) Get out of my house. I'll kill you.
(Johnny attacks Mark)
Sean: (Narrating and laughs) Okay, this is the silliest fight scene that I've ever seen in my life with some of the worst dialogue and bad acting ever. So after that fight, Johnny kicks everybody out and locks himself in the bathroom and Lisa tries to talk to Johnny.
Lisa: You can come out now, Johnny. She's gone.
Johnny: In a few minutes, bitch.
Lisa: Who are you calling a bitch?
Johnny: You and your stupid mother.
"Uh, leave the mother out of this. Lisa's the one that you should be calling a "bitch" to because she is a bitch." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Say, you know what would be a great time? Calling Mark.
Lisa: I need to talk to you.
Mark: (On the phone) What's going on?
Lisa: Don't worry about Johnny. He's just being a baby.
Sean: (V/O as Johnny) Oh, my God! Are you serious?!
Lisa: You know, I love you very much.
Sean: (V/O as Johnny) You lying bitch! I can't believe you would do this!
Lisa: I love you.
Sean: (V/O as Johnny) You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
(Johnny gets out of the bathroom)
Johnny: Who were you talking to?
Lisa: Nobody.
Johnny: We'll see about that.
Sean: (Narrating) Johnny returns with a tape. Okay, where did he get the tape from? Did he pull it from out of his ass?! Anyway, he plays the recorded message and he's livid.
Johnny: You little tramp. How could you do this to me?! I gave you seven years of my life and you betrayed me. We'll see what else we have on this tape.
Lisa: No! Stop. You little prick. I put up with you for seven years. You think you're an angel. You're just like everybody.
"And you're just like every women in the world. We treat you like a princess and yet you stab us in the back." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Johnny berates Lisa for betraying him, which prompts her to ditch his ass for Mark. Johnny kicks the lying bitch out of his apartment and we get one of the most over-the-top and yet hilarious temper tantrum ever)
Johnny: (Walks down the stairs while screaming) Why, Lisa? Why? Why?
(Flashback of Lisa laughing with Johnny's tie around her head. Then, we cut to another flashback of Johnny and Lisa kissing, followed by a flashback of Johnny and Lisa having sex)
Johnny: You bitch!
(Johnny knocks over a bowl of fake fruit, some furniture and everything on the mantle. He picks up the TV and hurls it out the window)
"Dude! You just destroyed the TV! Now how am I going to watch the new season of iCarly on Paramount Plus?" Sean asked.
Johnny: Screw the whole world! I don't need them!
(Johnny knocks some stuff out of the dresser, pulls out all the drawers and shoves it over)
Sean: (V/O as Johnny) WISEAU SMASH!
(Johnny sits on the floor and picks up Lisa's red dress. We get a flashback to Lisa trying on the dress. Then, he starts to dry-hump the dress)
Sean: (Narrating) What is he dry-humping the dress? I guess it's the closest thing to fucking Lisa. After that temper tantrum, Johnny picks up his gun and puts his performance to a complete stop.
Johnny: God, forgive me.
(Johnny puts the gun in his mouth. He fires the gun and falls backward in slow motion. The screen fades to black as Lisa and Mark come dashing into the bedroom to find Johnny's bloody corpse)
Mark: Wake up, Johnny, come on!
Sean: (Narrating) Wake up? The dude ate a bullet! He's not gonna wake up from that shit!
Lisa: Is he dead?
"Oh, no. I'm sure he's not dead. He's probably asleep and he drank too much Hawaiian Punch and spilled some all over himself and on the floor. You can just ignore the brain matter that's been splattered all over the wall. You stupid, dumb bitch. OF COURSE HE'S DEAD! HE'S A STIFF! BEREFT OF LIFE! HE RESTS IN PEACE! IF HE DIDN'T SHOOT HIMSELF, HE'D BE PUSHING UP DAISIES! HIS METABOLIC PROCESSES ARE NOW HISTORY! HE'S OFF THE TWIG! HE'S KICKED THE BUCKET! HE'S SHUFFLED OFF THE MORTAL COIL! RUN DOWN THE CURTAIN AND JOINED THE CHOIR INVISIBLE! THIS IS AN EX-PERSON!" Sean screamed out.
(A clip from Monty Python's Flying Circus is shown)
Pet Shop Owner (Played by Michael Palin): Well, I'd better replace it, then.
"GAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!" Sean screamed out.
Sean: (Narrating) Mark places a kiss on Johnny's forehead and Lisa figures that it's the right time to make a rebound by saying that she has Mark now. But Mark, now thinking with his brain instead of his dick, changes his mind about Lisa.
Mark: You don't have me. You'll never have me. You killed him.
Lisa: Mark, we're free to be together. I love you. I love you.
Mark: You tramp.
"Yeah, way to go Mark. Tell that bitch off." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Denny shows up and sees Johnny dead and he mourns. The three of them comfort each other over Johnny's dead body as the police arrive. And thus ends the tale of this dumbass bitch and her Wiseau.
"Whew! Thank God. I've made it through this movie. This has been The Room. Jesus Christ! That film was horrible!" Sean exclaimed.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) Never have I ever seen a movie so horrible. The acting is horrendous, the writing is horrible, there are too many plotlines and pointless characters that appear in the movie. And to be honest and fair with you, don't think I'm crazy but this movie is worth checking out. Yes, I know that this movie is bad, it's one of those movies that you will have to see to believe at how bad it is. You'll laugh your ass off from watching it. The poor deliver and execution makes this movie comedic gold. Is it worth watching? Hell, yes! Matter of fact, grab yourself some liquor and have some fun watching that movie and have a good laugh at it. Get it on DVD or Blu-Ray. The Room comes in at 1 football being tossed around out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and I'll see you guys next time." Sean said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- You are tearing me apart, Lisa!
Alright, I did it. I've reviewed The Room, the worst movie ever that gave me a big laugh from watching it. So, with that review out of the way, it's time for another review. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, it's time for another installment of Sean's Story Arc, when Sean reviews the two-part pilot episode of Darkwing Duck titled Darkly Dawns the Duck. After my Darkwing Duck review, I will also be reviewing the 1998 movie Godzilla, a film so bad that Sean happens to like. If you have any requests for me to review a movie or a TV show, let me know in the reviews. Feel free to review the new chapter, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates. Also, if you're new to reading The Mayhem Critic, feel free to read and review my reviews. Also, if you're interested in doing a co-review with me, feel free to PM me and I'll get back to you. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.