The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you yet another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, Halloween Havoc V is about to come to a close… or maybe I have yet another review to work on in November. Who knows but we'll see. Sean and Brian review the fourth and not-so-final entry in the Friday the 13th franchise, Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter, a film that includes a young Corey Feldman, a dancing Crispin Glover and a bunch of gruesome violence and tons of nudity. Sounds like the perfect Friday the 13th movie. Is it the best in the series or will it suck hard like Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan? We'll find out today. So sit back, relax and grab a cold one to drink. This is the last day of Halloween Havoc V. I present to you Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter is owned by Paramount Pictures.
Halloween Havoc V Part 4: Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter
(The Halloween Havoc V intro plays, featuring images and clips from Sean the MC's reviews of Psycho II, Halloween III: Season of the Witch, Hocus Pocus, Scream, The Return of the Living Dead and Child's Play, all set to "The X-Files" theme)
After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on the couch in his living room. And joining him is his friend Brian, who is busy drinking a glass of Pepsi right before Sean starts the introduction.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said.
"And I'm his friend Brian and I am here to co-review this movie with him." Brian said.
"Have I talked about Friday the 13th yet?" Sean asked.
(The caption "NO!" is seen on screen in big, bold red letters)
"Well, I think it's the right time to do so." Sean said.
(The title screen of Friday the 13th is shown, featuring clips from the movie)
Sean: (Narrating) I think everyone knows about this movie. And to the young ones who haven't heard of it, then let us horror movie experts tell you. Friday the 13th was a slasher horror film produced and directed by Sean S. Cunningham, who would go on to work on other films like the 1983 sex comedy Spring Break, another horror film called The New Kids in 1985, the Leviathan rip-off DeepStar Six in 1989 and he would also produce the House film series and the 1993 zombie comedy called My Boyfriend's Back.
Brian: (Narrating) So, what is the film about? Okay, so you all know the premise. A bunch of sex-crazed, pot smoking, alcohol-drinking teenage camp counselors are getting killed one-by-one by some unknown killer while attempting to re-open Camp Crystal Lake
Enos, The Truck Driver (Played by Rex Everhart): Camp Crystal Lake is jinxed.
Crazy Ralph (Played by Walt Gorney): It's got a death curse.
Sean: (Narrating) Spoiler alert for who hasn't seen Friday the 13th, it was Jason Voorhees' mother, Pamela Voorhees, the camp cook, who's taking revenge on the counselors for the death of her son Jason. So, what happened to Mrs. Voorhees? Well, she got her head cut off by the Final Girl. After the release of the movie, it was a major box office success. A year later, a sequel was made called Friday the 13th Part 2, where we get the debut of the iconic slasher villain Jason Voorhees…
(A picture of Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th Part 2 is shown. He is wearing a plaid shirt, overalls and a one-eyed sack)
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, that's when I couldn't take Jason seriously.
Brian: (Narrating) Like the first film, it's the same gist as before. Killer kills sex-crazed teens and the final girl survives. It has some pretty gruesome kills like the first film. Some good ones too. The film received some negative reviews from critics and it was less successful than the original. Then in 1982, a sequel was made. And it was Friday the 13th Part III in 3D. What's the film's gimmick? It's in 3D. That's the gimmick. That film was intended to end the series as a trilogy, but yet it did not. It also received some negative reviews from critics and yet it was the first film to remove E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial from the number-one box office.
"So what do you do when your movies isn't doing so great? Well, you decide to kill off the slasher villain. The result is Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter." Sean said.
(The title screen for "Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter" is shown, followed by clips from the movie)
Sean: (Narrating) While Friday the 13th made a shit ton of money, the film series was going downhill with Part III, so this movie was released in theaters on April 13th, 1984. Yeah, two years after the release of Part III, which was intended to be the final chapter. But I'm glad that they didn't make it the final chapter because Jason just got his iconic hockey mask and there's plenty of horny teens to kill.
Brian: (Narrating) So what's the gimmick for this one? Well, it's the final chapter in the series. Riiiiiiight. He still has eight more movies to do since this movie is clearly not the final chapter. Same with Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. That's not the final chapter until they made Jason X.
Sean: (Narrating) The movie was directed by Joseph Zito, who was known for directing the horror film called The Prowler and the Chuck Norris movies Missing in Action and Invasion U.S.A. for Cannon Films. Zito was going to write the screenplay for this movie, but instead he hired Barney Cohen to write the script, which the Writer's Guild of America wasn't very happy about it.
Brian: (Narrating) Since this movie was marketed as "The Final Chapter", make-up artist Tom Savini, who helped created Jason in the first film, returned because he wanted to help kill off Jason. If they were going out, they better go out in style.
"So,was it a respectful and well-made ending to this beloved franchise? Until Jason comes back to life in Jason Lives, which is the best one in the franchise. So, yeah. This one is considered to be the middle chapter. Let's end Halloween Havoc V on a high note, this is Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter." Sean said.
(The movie opens with various clips from the first three Friday the 13th films in a little recap. Starting with a clip from Friday the 13th Part II as Paul tells the story about Jason Voorhees)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie starts off with a quick little recap from the first three films, giving the backstory on Jason by showing clips from the first film that he isn't in and we get some of Jason's best moments and his finest kills. After the recap, we get the opening titles.
(A shot of Jason's hockey mask is shown. The title "Friday the 13th" is shown on his mask. His mask explodes after the subtitle "THE FINAL CHAPTER" comes flying right at it)
"That's one way of starting this off with a bang. Have Jason's mask exploding. Hey, since it's going to be the last film, have the opening titles be explosion filled and badass like the Nostalgia Critic's intro." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) As we watch the opening credits, we get some pretty familiar faces who are in this movie. You got Peter Barton from The Powers of Matthew Star, Corey Feldman from Gremlins, The Goonies, The Lost Boys and Bordello of Blood, E. Erich Anderson from NCIS, Crispin Glover from Back to the Future and Judie Aronson from Weird Science. (Sees Camilla and Carey More's names during the opening credits) Hey, you got twins playing twins in the movie. Damn, are we gonna get confused during this review.
Sean: (Narrating) After the opening credits, we open where Part III left off as police arrive at the scene. No wonder that they don't show up in this town, they suck at their jobs!
(Two police officers enter the barn and they come across Jason's body. One cop is holding a plastic bag while the other cop picks up the axe that he was killed with)
Sean: (V/O as Cop #1) Hey Barney, pick up this axe and put it in the bag.
Brian: (V/O as Cop #2) But Fred, shouldn't I wear gloves to pick up the murder weapon?
Sean: (V/O as Cop #1) Ah, who cares? There's already fingerprints on it anyway. Let's just take it to the evidence locker and grab a beer after work.
Brian: (Narrating) They pick up Jason's body and they take him to the set of Halloween II and drop him off at the morgue. Uh, quick question: what ever happened to Chris from Part III?
"I'm guessing that she got dropped off at the looney bin." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We meet the coroner named Axel, played by Bruce Mahler from Police Academy, who ends up placing a half-eaten sandwich on Jason's dead body.
"Oh, yeah. He's the first to die." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Even though he's an insufferable prick, he does manage to score a hot date with Nurse Robbie Morgan, played by Lisa Freeman, who meets him in the cold room just to watch the news, but Axel wants to get some action from her.
(Axel and Nurse Morgan starts making out in the cold room)
"Man, I don't remember this episode of Grey's Anatomy to be this steamy." Brian said.
(As they continue to make out, Nurse Morgan gets startled when Jason's hand falls off of the stretcher and hitting Morgan, she gets scared by this and Axel gets startled)
Axel (Played by Bruce Mahler): Jesus Christmas! Holy Jesus goddamn! Holy Jesus jumping Christmas shit!
"That's everybody's reaction after they saw Jason Goes to Hell." Sean said.
Nurse Robbie Morgan (Played by Lisa Freeman): You better get that sucker in the icebox! I must be nuts! I mean, I really… (Notices that her uniform is unzip and zips it back up) Goodnight, Axel.
Axel: Hey. Hey, where are you going?
Nurse Robbie Morgan: I'll tell you where I'm going, I'm going crazy!
"You must be crazy enough to have sex in a room filled with dead bodies!" Brian exclaimed, imitating Nurse Morgan.
Sean: (Narrating) After Nurse Morgan leaves and goes to another room to knock down some bottles, Axel spends the night not getting some action, so he's just gonna spend the night with Rosie Palm and her five sisters while watching female aerobics. Yeah, that's one way to get into the mood. Dude, come on. I know that this is the 80s, at least have an issue of Playboy or something…
(Jason comes up from behind Axel and amd slits his throat with a surgical hacksaw and snaps his neck)
(A clip from Police Academy 6: City Under Siege is shown)
Capt. Harris (Played by G.W. Bailey): Thackler… get a mop.
Brian: (Narrating) After brutally killing Axel, Jason goes after Nurse Morgan and take a page right out of Dwight Schrute's handbook by gutting her with a scalpel… yikes. Let's hope she's an organ donor. After those two brutal kills, we then jump to our new victims… I mean characters for the movie Trish Jarvis played by Kimberly Beck and her mother Tracy Jarvis played by Joan Freeman.
"Right, they're mother and daughter. Yeah, according to IMDB, Kimberly Beck was just 14 years younger than Joan Freeman." Brian said.
(Kimberly Beck's IMDB page is shown and we see the year that she was born: January 9th, 1956. Next to Beck's IMDB profile, we see Joan Freeman's IMDB page and we then see the year that she was born: January 8th, 1942)
"Yeah, I would believe that they're mother and daughter." Brian said in a sarcastic tone.
Sean: (Narrating) We're introduced to Trish's little brother Tommy, played by Corey Feldman, and I have to say that he's my favorite character in the movie. He's like the Dustin Henderson of this movie, he's loveable and funny. He's an odd kid in his very own special way and he's the type of kid who would grow up watching horror flicks. He's clearly an homage to Tom Savini, which explains him being a young make-up and prosthetic effects artist and you can see some of the masks that he created. It's a refreshing change of pace from the stereotypical teens.
Tracy Jarvis (Played by Joan Freeman): Where's Gordon?
Tommy Jarvis (Played by Corey Feldman): He went out.
Tracy Jarvis: Oh. Someone left the front door open.
Tommy Jarvis: We're in the country.
Tracy Jarvis: Well, what happens if the psycho wanders in?
"Well, he'll just kill the son of a bitch. That's what he'll do." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) But enough about the Jarvis Family, we cut to our next batch of victims, I mean, teenagers, who are driving to Crystal Lake for a weekend getaway because they rented a house. This group consists of Paul played by Alan Hayes, his girlfriend Samantha played by Judie Aronson, Doug played by Peter Barton, Sara played by Barbara Howard, a jokester name Ted played by Lawrence Monoson and his friend Jimmy played by Crispin Glover. Jimmy is going through a break-up his girlfriend and Ted just teases him about it.
Ted (Played by Lawrence Monoson): You should have treated her right. I mean, that girl wanted to be treated right.
Jimmy (Played by Crispin Glover): I did. I did. I treated her right. I treated her right, that's what's driving me so crazy. I mean, first I would call her and she would take my calls, but she would have something to do. And then she wouldn't even take my calls. I mean, can you figure that? What the fuck happened?
"Hello? Hello? Anybody home? Huh? Think, McFly. Think!" Brian exclaimed.
Ted: It says you're a dead fuck.
Jimmy: What? A dead fuck?
"Spoiler alert: you're all fucking dead." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Okay, that part is true. But what Ted was telling Jimmy that he's having trouble getting a girl because he sucks in bed. Well, that's simply disappointing because that dude hasn't had sex. They end up getting lost and they come across Pamela Voorhees' gravestone and it says that she died in 1979 and not 1980, even though the first film came out in 1980 and it was said to be set in present day and on June 13th which is supposed to be Friday the 13th, which it was in 1980. And in Friday the 13th Part 2, it takes place five years after the first film, which is 1984 and this one along with Part III, only takes place a couple of days after that. So, this movie that came out in 1984 is set in 1984.
"Oh, boy. So, I'm guessing that this takes place on Wednesday the 13th, and this movie was in theaters on Friday April 13th." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) They come across a hitchhiker, played by Bonnie Hellman, and they drive past her. Is she an important character in the movie? Nope. We just had to get her out of the way because…
(The hitchhiker eats her banana, but then Jason appears and impales her through the neck with a knife, causing her to squeeze the banana as she dies)
"Goddamn! Boy, Jason's not messing around anymore. He's clearly convinced that this is the last film." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Not only it has a pretty decent body count in this movie, but some of these deaths are pretty violent and we get some best kills from Jason and don't worry, we'll come to the best kill in the movie later on.
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, we then see the Jarvis' are about to have dinner until the group of teenagers arrive, so Trish and Tommy introduce themselves to them. Afterwards, we get a little girl talk from Samantha and Sara. So, what are they talking about exactly?
"Ooh, let me guess. Are they talking about sex?" Sean asked.
Sara (Played by Barbara Howard): I mean, you do it with everybody.
Samantha (Played by Judie Aronson): Oh, I do not! I do it with Paul.
Sara: Really?
Samantha: Come on, Sara! I mean, you know how guys are, they lie about that all the time. They say that about everybody.
"First up: winner, winner, chicken dinner. And second: that is not true. Okay, sometimes men do that but not all the time." Brian said.
Sara: They don't say anything about me. I mean, I don't have…
Samantha: (Chuckles) A reputation?
Sara: I didn't say that.
Samantha: Look, I got my reputation in sixth grade.
Sara: Well, what does Paul think?
Samantha: Paul thinks I'm great in bed, so that's where I keep him.
"Slut!" Sean fake coughs while Brian stares at him in shock.
"Dude, really?" Brian asked.
"I'm sorry. I had to. Hell, she shares the same name as Kim Catrall's character from Sex and the City. And you all know that I'm right. Samantha is a slut and she sleeps with every guy on the show. Is everybody gonna get on my back about that?" Sean asked.
Brian: (Narrating) But actions speak louder than words as Tommy wakes up to see Samantha stripping out of her clothes and watching her making out with Paul and he gets giddy about it. Then, he fakes going back to sleep when his mother comes in to check on him.
(Tracy checks on Tommy and tucks him in. She looks up and notices Paul and Samantha making out)
Sean: (V/O as Tracy) Damn, teenagers. Trying to corrupt my poor little angel with their sex and drugs and alcohol. Let me just close his window.
(Tracy closes Tommy's window)
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, the group of teens head out to the lake as Ted gives Jimmy some lessons on love.
Ted: Jimbo, calling Betty is definitely a dead-fuck thing to do. Look, first rule of love: Never get rejected by the same girl twice. I mean, that's useless. If you wanna make a fool out of yourself, always do it with someone new.
"Look who's talking? You got dumped by the girl who you were in love with and she left you for another guy. I don't think you should be giving out love lessons, Dr. Ted." Brian said as a picture of Karen and Rick from The Last American Virgin is shown.
Brian: (Narrating) And if this batch of teens isn't enough, then we've got more, in the form of twins Tina and Terri played by Camilla and Carey More. Hard to tell which one is which. God, why did it have to be twins? And yes, they are identical twins. And what do you know? They happen to be going to the lake too and they let them know that it's a long walk, so Sara goes back to get the car while the rest continues to move on. Well, since she's alone in the woods, it's time for Jason to get his next kill.
(Sara bumps into a tree, which startles her)
"AAAAAHHHHH! TREE!" Sean yelled out.
Sean: (Narrating) The teens start swimming in the lake with their new friends and I think you all know where this is going…
(Samantha takes off her shirt. Her breasts are covered by a black bar that has the words "No Way, Jose!" written on it. Tina and Terri dive underwater to remove their swimsuits. We cut back to Samantha, who takes her shorts off. Her bare butt is also covered by a black bar that reads "HELLOOOOOO, NURSE!")
"And what do you know? They pull out the big no-no's in a horror film." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Trish and Tommy arrive because they're in this movie too and Tommy happens to come across naked chicks swimming, but Trish censors him from the bad stuff because that will corrupt his fragile little mind, so they just leave. While they're driving back to the cabin, the car realizes that it's in a horror film, so it just stops on them.
Trish Jarvis: Can you fix it?
Tommy Jarvis: Uh, I need a screwdriver.
Trish Jarvis: Maybe there's one in the trunk.
(Tommy runs over to the trunk, then runs back to Trish)
Tommy Jarvis: I need the keys.
(Trish hands Tommy the keys)
Tommy Jarvis: Thanks.
"The kid is twelve years old and he knows how to fix a car and make masks. Did I mention that he's my favorite character?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Sam asks Sara to come skinny dipping with them, but Sara let's her know that she has a no-nudity clause for this movie. So Sam decides to fuck with her with a little prank.
(Sara sees that Sam isn't coming up to the surface)
Sara: Sam? Sam! Sam! God, Sam! God. Sam! (Moves to the other side of the dock) Sam! Sam! Sam! Sam!
(Samantha grabs Sara and pulls her in the water)
Brian: (V/O as Samantha) Dunk Sara!
Sara: Samantha, you bitch!
Brian: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Tommy is busy working on the car and tries to get it to work, until a stranger by the name of Rob Dyer, played by Erich Anderson, and he's doing some hunting while he's in the woods.
Tommy Jarvis: You can't be hunting for bear.
Rob (Played by Erich Anderson): How about kids? There any kids, vacationers, people like that?
Trish Jarvis: Yeah. A bunch of kids moved in yesterday. Right next door to us.
"Yeah, I have a feeling that this guy is sensing something. He's probably sensing that those teens are gonna die." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Trish takes Rob back to their place and Tommy shows him some of the neat stuff that Tom Savini helped create for this movie. But enough about them as we jump right into night and we see the teens partying. Complete with sex, drugs and alcohol. The big No-No's to a horror film. And then we get…
(Jimmy puts on some music. The song "Love Is A Lie" by Lion starts playing and Jimmy approaches Tina)
Jimmy: Would you care to dance?
Tina (Played by Camilla More): To this?
Jimmy: It's good.
(Tina gets up and dances with Jimmy. We then see Jimmy dancing badly like a maniac)
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Crispin! What the hell are you doing?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, this is the scene that we all remember Crispin Glover for this infamous dance scene. It's so laughably bad and cringeworthy. Hell, you can look this clip up on YouTube and get a good laugh from it. And fun fact: originally, Jimmy was supposed to dance to ACDC's "Back in Black".
"I wonder how it would look like if he danced to the song." Sean said.
(Jimmy's dance scene is shown, this time the song "Back in Black" by ACDC is playing)
"Or if you want to be silly and immature just like us, imagine Jimmy dancing to this music." Brian said.
(The track "Guitar Groove" from Ed, Edd n Eddy plays in the background, then we cut to a clip from Ed, Edd n Eddy)
Edd (Voiced by Samuel Vincent): Excuse me, Edd. This is my song.
(Cut back to the movie as we see Paul approaching the record player to turn the music off)
Jimmy: Hey, how come you turned that off?
Sean: (V/O as Paul) I'm just making sure you still have a career after this movie.
Brian: (Narrating) Ted is trying to have his luck with Terri, but she is put off by this, so she goes over to Paul and asks to dance with him.
Terri (Played by Carey More): You like slow dancing?
Paul (Played by Alan Hayes): I could learn to.
(Sam grabs Paul)
Samantha: Kiss me, you fool.
Paul: (Smirks) Certainly.
(Paul kisses Samantha)
"Oh, God. Where the hell is Jason? I was expecting to see some horny teens getting killed and he's taking too long." Brian said.
Paul: Maybe we could dance to this one.
"Oh, please do. Because we would love to see Crispin Glover dancing badly to a slow song." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with Trish, she is helping Rob on his quest to hunt for some bear by walking down the trail that leads to the lake. So, he leaves the movie for a while and then we cut back to the teens, which turns into a friggin' Soap Opera. And Samantha gets a little jealous when Tina hits on Paul. What am I watching here, One Life to Lose? What's with all the jealousy?
Samantha: Actually, I was thinking about taking a little swim. It seems to be getting a bit close in here for me.
"I don't need any of this shit. I was in Weird Science, goddamn it." Sean said, imitating Samantha while a picture of Judie Aronson as Hilly from Weird Science is shown.
Brian: (Narrating) And speaking of Soap Opera jealousy, we see that is getting ticked off from seeing Tina, or Terri or whichever twin he's dancing with all because he couldn't woo her with some of his jokes. Meanwhile, Samantha goes out for a little moonlight swim to wait for Paul. And I would just like to point out that because of the movie's low budget, you have several actors performing uncomfortable or dangerous stunts. And this is one of them right here, where it involves Judie Aronson, who was required to remain submerged in a lake in near-freezing temperatures. Jason's portrayer Ted White, advocated for several of the actors and he threatened to quit when director Joseph Zito refused to allow Aronson to get out of the lake between takes, which was so freezing cold and she was naked. And mind you that this was back in December of 1983 when they filmed this movie, she ended up getting hypothermia, which led to White and Zito not getting along with each other.
"So yeah, you can just say that Joseph Zito is an asshole." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Samantha waits for Paul to show up, but she's getting bored and Jason, who can surprisingly hold his breath underwater for a long time, remembers that this is a Friday the 13th movie, so he kills Samantha. Back with Paul, he realizes that he can't ditch Samantha for one of the twins. He's got some horny drunken teenage principals. So, he goes out to look for his ho and join her while Jimmy heads upstairs with Tina while Ted tries to get lucky with Terri.
Ted: That's a teddy bear. Wanna give Teddy bear a kiss?
(Terri just giggles at Ted and doesn't kiss him, in which Ted has no luck)
"Aw, man. You gotta feel bad for Lawrence Monoson. He doesn't have that much luck with women. Believe me, I have seen The Last American Virgin and the ending pissed me off." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Anyway, Paul heads out to join Samantha out at the lake…
"Seriously?! How the fuck could Karen go back to Rick?! That ending was such bullshit! I wanted to jump through the TV and disembowel that clown!" Sean yelled out.
"Dude, relax." Brian said, trying to calm Sean down.
"How could I not relax knowing that tramp had to go back to pretty boy? Cocksucking bitch." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) As I was saying before Sean interrupted me with his rant, Paul goes out to the lake to do a little moonlight swimming with Samantha, but he sees that his babe has been laid out. Well, it's time for Jason to claim another victim.
(Jason stabs Paul in the groin. He picks up Paul with the spear gun and pulls the trigger, making Paul scream loudly)
"Ooh!" Brian exclaimed.
"Jesus, fuck! Low blow, literally! Jason the Crotch Stabber!" Sean exclaimed.
(The scene where Jason stabs Paul in the groin is shown, his scream is replaced the Goofy Holler)
Sean: (Narrating) We cut back to Rob as he hears Paul's screams, so he goes to check it out, only to find nothing, then he heads back to his tent to see that somebody has smashed his gun. Back with the teens, we see that Jimmy is about to get laid by Tina, but Terri wants to leave.
Terri: Tina? We gotta go.
Tina: You go.
Terri: Tina, I'm gonna leave without you.
Tina: Take an umbrella.
"Okay, well at least I can tell which one is which." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Sick and tired of her sister slutting it up, Terri leaves house on this dark and stormy night and Jason keeps the body count going by killing her. And speaking of more teens getting horny, Sara decides to go upstairs to have a little action with Doug. Back at the Jarvis house, Mrs. Jarvis returns from her jog and sees that someone has cut off the power. So, she does something stupid like not checking the fuse box and calling out to her children. She then heads outside and…
(Tracy looks around outside for Trish and Tommy. She then sees Jason and the next scene cuts to Trish and Tommy, who are both driving back to the cabin)
"Well, that's a pretty sudden transition. I was shocked as well when I saw it." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) Trish and Tommy are driving back to the cabin after coming from, uh I don't know where. Maybe from his audition for Gremlins and they find that their mother isn't in the house and that the power is out, so Trish heads on out there to check it out.
Trish Jarvis: I'm going out on the path.
Tommy Jarvis: Me too.
Trish Jarvis: No, you stay here in case she comes back.
Tommy Jarvis: I'll go!
Trish Jarvis: Stay here and fix the lights.
"Yeah, dude. Your mother didn't send you to engineering preschool for nothing, so you best get to work." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Trish heads on out to the path to find her mother, but she doesn't find any sign of her but instead she comes across Rob's tent, only to find him gone as well, until she gets startled by the hitchhiker in question.
Rob: What the hell are you doing here?
Trish Jarvis: What are you trying to do, kill me?
(A clip from World's Dumbest Pranksters 4 is shown)
Gilbert Gottfried: Well… evidently.
Sean: (Narrating) Back with the teens, we find Jimmy after having sex with Tina amd it turns out that he's not so bad at.
(The Back to the Future theme by Alan Silvestri plays in the background)
(A clip from iCarly is shown)
Freddie Benson (Played by Nathan Kress): YES!
(A clip from World's Dumbest is shown)
Roger Lodge: It's a miracle!
(A clip from The Shawshank Redemption is show as we see Andy Dufresne raising his hands to the sky after he escapes Shawshank State Prison)
Sean: (Narrating) After banging Tina, Jimmy has evolved into a surly asshole and brags about his conquest to Ted. So he goes to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine so he can get even more drunk.
Jimmy: Ted! Hey, Ted, where the hell is the corkscrew?
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Found it!
(Jason stabs Jimmy in the hand with the corkscrew and kills him by striking him in the face with a meat cleaver)
"That's what happens for not being in Back to the Future Parts II and III." Brian said.
Brian: (Narrating) Tina gets up from out of bed and puts her clothes on, until Jason sweeps her off her feet by throwing her out the window. Back with Trish and Rob, Rob tells Trish that he's hunting Jason Voorhees because he killed his sister Sandra, one of Jason's victims from the second film.
Rob: (Shows Trish the newspaper clippings about Jason) Look. Jason as a child, right? Artist's conception of Jason as described by a would-be victim, right? And then the murders.
Trish Jarvis: But he's dead.
Rob: Jason's body has disappeared from the morgue.
Trish Jarvis: It was stolen.
Rob: It was not stolen. Two people at the hospital are missing. This is a coincidence?
(A clip from The Incredibles is shown)
Bernie Kroop (Voiced by Lou Romano): Coincidence? I think NOT!
Trish Jarvis: Oh, my God. Tommy's at the house.
"Oh, don't worry. I'm pretty sure that he's safe. As opposed to you running outside while a killer is running loose, now that's not safe." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) And speaking of not being safe, we cut back to the last remainder of teens who are busy smoking pot and getting drunk or having sex. Also, I would just like to point out that Lawrence Monoson was smoking pot for real in order to film his character's death scene.
"Yeah, I was surprised to read about it on IMDB's trivia about the movie. I'm even more surprised after learning that Omri Katz was high while filming Hocus Pocus." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Hell, you could tell that Lawrence Monoson is stoned. Just look at him talking to a projector.
Ted: (Talks to the projector while stoned) So you wanna give the old Teddy bear a kiss?
"See, kids? This is why you should never do drugs. Because this is what's going to happen to you." Brian said.
(Jason stabs Ted in the back of the head through the projector screen)
"Damn, at least we all know that Ted died being the last American virgin." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Doug and Sara finish their shower sex, so while she goes off to dry her hair, Doug stays behind to wash up, leading to Jason brutally killing him. So now Sara is the remaining survivor left, until she comes across Doug's dead body and she starts screaming and this happens.
(Jason throws an axe through the door, fatally striking Sara in the chest)
"Well, I guess she should've axed for help." Sean said as the sound of crickets chirping in the background is heard. "Yeah, whatever. It was a funny joke."
Brian: (Narrating) We cut back to Trish, Tommy and Rob since they're the three surviving ones left. Trish tries to call for help, but Jason cuts the phone line. Since that doesn't work, Trish and Rob head over to the teens' house to see if they're okay. Rob checks out the basement while Trish stays with the dog Gordon…
(The family dog Gordon jumps out the window and runs away after something frightens him)
"Well, I see the smartest character in this movie is the dog. He knows there's a psycho killer in the house, so he just books it on out of here." Brian said.
Brian: (V/O as Gordon) Ruck this rhit!
(Gordon jumps out the window)
Sean: (Narrating) Trish comes across Doug's dead body and starts screaming and runs back downstairs to Rob and as they head on upstairs, Rob makes the most stupidest mistake in the movie and one of the funniest deaths ever that I had to make fun of.
Rob: (After he leaves his knife) Gotta get the knife.
Trish Jarvis: No! No!
(The screen pauses and turns black and white right before Rob gets killed by Jason)
Announcer: (V/O) It was at that very moment that Rob knew… he fucked up.
(The scene starts playing as Rob gets into a scuffle with Jason. Jason grabs a garden claw and starts hacking Rob to death with it)
Rob: Oh, God, he's killing me! He's killing me! Run, Trish! Run! Trish!
Sean: (V/O as Rob) Jesus, God! He's killing me! He's killing me! Oh, God! It hurts so bad!
"Now here's another fun fact: this death scene is based on an article that Joseph Zito read in the New York Times about the real-life murder of Kitty Genovese, who was stabbed to death in the middle of the night while walking to her apartment and the article claimed that 38 neighbors heard her screaming out,"Oh my God! He's stabbing me! He's killing me!,". This scene was supposed to be gut-wrenching, but instead it made people laugh by making Rob a pathetic wimp. Nice job, Zito. Nice job." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) Trish runs for her life as she comes across more of Jason's handiwork. She runs back to the house and Tommy lets her in as they lock the windows and nail the door shut. Yeah, I'm sure that won't stop him as he throws Rob's dead body through the window and gives Jason actor Ted White to scare the living crap out of Corey Feldman for him being a little brat. And those screams that Corey Feldman made…
Tommy Jarvis: (Screams while Jason grabs him) Help me! Help me! Help me! Help me! Let me go! Help me! Put me down! Put me down!
"Yeah, those screams were legit." Brian said.
(Jason breaks through the door)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Surprise, motherfuckers!
(Jason throws a hammer at Trish, he misses her and hits the wall. He approaches Trish and Tommy as they both run upstairs)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Come back here! I want to talk to you! I just want to scare that little shit!
Sean: (Narrating) Trish and Tommy head into Tommy's room and they reinforce the door by moving the bookshelf in front of the door. Again, like that's gonna stop him because he breaks the door down with an axe. Trish goes all Dream Warriors on Jason's ass by breaking the computer monitor over his head. Then, Trish slowly passes him, until he wakes back up and chases her out of the house and over to the teens' house.
(Jason runs after Trish over to the teens' house)
Sean: (Narrating and laughs) Okay, how can you take Jason seriously just seeing him running after the final girl? It's too friggin' hilarious. You don't see Michael Myers running after people like that.
(Jason corners Trish as she jumps out of the rental home's second-story window)
"I give that landing a 9.5. Also, bonus points for panty shot." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) While Trish gets up after jumping out of a window and evades Jason, Tommy works on a clever plan with some magnificent manipulation and the old newspaper clippings by giving himself a speedy makeover to look like Jason from when he was a child.
(Tommy runs downstairs, he's now completely bald)
Tommy Jarvis: Jason! Jason!
(Jason looks over at Tommy and is transfixed)
Sean: (V/O as Jason) Hey, is that me?
Tommy Jarvis: Remember me, Jason? Jason, don't you remember? Remember, Jason?
"So, putting on his mother's sweater and pretending to be his mother in Part II works, and seeing himself as a kid works in this one. Boy, he's always falling for that shit." Brian said.
Sean: (Narrating) That plan works as it gives Trish the opportunity to swing the machete at Jason and cut his mask off, showing his deformed face. He approaches Trish as Tommy grabs the machete and delivers the final blow to Jason by driving the machete into his skull. Originally, Tommy was supposed to decapitate Jason with the machete, but the filmmakers decided against this in case they want to bring Jason back for another movie. And with that, Jason is finally dead… for good…
(Jason's hand starts to twitch. Tommy sees this and starts hacking at the body repeatedly)
Trish Jarvis: Tommy! Tommy!
Tommy Jarvis: Die! Die! Die!
(The screen flashes white)
Trish Jarvis: Tommy!
Tommy Jarvis: Die!
"Well, that's one way of taking your frustrations out on a director who's being an asshole towards people." Sean said.
Brian: (Narrating) And thus, Jason is finally dead. Trish is in the hospital recovering but she's very concerned about Tommy but the doctor assures her that Tommy is perfectly normal and the two of them reunite in a hug. The…
(The camera cuts to Tommy looking back with a cold stare)
"Setting us up for Tommy being the killer. Okay, well that didn't happen but we got another one in which some paramedic was dressed as Jason and that one sucked." Brian said.
"And that was Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter. And we enjoyed it." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) Despite negative reviews from critics, this one is considered to be one of the stronger entries in the series and I can see why. They wanted to end this one out with a bang.
Brian: (Narrating) It has some of the best kills in the series including Jimmy's death, Doug's death and even Paul's death which is still the most painful death ever. It has some memorable characters and the Jarvis Family are pretty damn good as well. You have some pretty good gore effects that they put a lot of effort into it. Also, props to the late Ted White playing Jason in this one. He gave an amazing performance and he's close to being my favorite actor who played Jason. But still, Kane Hodder is number one at playing Jason.
Sean: (Narrating) If there was a nitpick that have to complain about, it would have to be the off-screen deaths of Terri and Trish. I mean, at least show them getting killed. All in all, it's one of my favorite in the series. You have a great story, some great gory kills and even Crispin Glover dancing. Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter comes in at 4 machetes out of 5 because this movie is awesome.
"Well, that is all for Halloween Havoc V. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic." Sean said.
"And I'm Brian." Brian said.
"And I'll see you guys…" Sean said as he was interrupted by his phone ringing. "Excuse me for a minute. I've got to take this."
Sean gets up from off of the couch and leaves the living room as he heads to his office to take the call.
"Hello?" Sean answered.
"Good evening, Sean." A familiar voice said on the other line. "Have the horses stopped flying over you?"
Sean's eyes widened in surprise after hearing the familiar voice that he recognized.
"Dr. Lecter?" Sean asked.
"Don't bother with the trace I won't be on long enough." Dr. Lecter said.
"Where are you, Dr. Lecter?" Sean asked.
"I have no plans to calling you, Sean. The world's more interested with you in it and the movies you review. So you take care now to extend me the same courtesy." Dr. Lecter said.
"You know I can't make that promise, Dr. Lecter. I'll be doing another one for next year." Sean said.
"I do wish we could chat longer but I'm having an old friend for dinner. Bye." Dr. Lecter said as he ends the call.
"Dr. Lecter? Dr. Lecter? Dr. Lecter?" Sean kept calling as the camera zooms out.
We cut back to Dr. Lecter as we see him sitting at a table with Ghostface, who's busy having dinner with him.
"I'm glad that we've got a chance to have dinner." Dr. Lecter said.
"Hey, it's an honor. Besides, I had to give the kid a break from torturing him. I'll just wait till next year." Ghostface said.
"You're right. At least there's next year." Dr. Lecter said.
"Hey, how did you manage to escape anyway?" Ghostface said.
"I could tell you, but then I would have to feed you your thigh." Dr. Lecter said.
"Noted." Ghostface said.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- It says you're a dead fuck.
This review is dedicated to the memory of Ted White
And that is all for Halloween Havoc V. Well, all four movies finished and reviewed. And to some of the movies that I haven't gotten a chance to review, there's always next year or I can review them as their own review. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, here's a review of your choice and it's two movies that I really want to review but I'm torn between them. Here are the two movies:
Black Panther: Sean reviews one of the best films in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and see how well it holds up for nearly 5 years.
Ghostbusters: Afterlife: Sean reviews the movie that's better than Ghostbusters 2016, but does it deliver the same laughs as before and tries to re-capture that magic.
Which review should I work on next, Black Panther or Ghostbusters: Afterlife? After that review, the review for Aladdin will be up next, followed by Commercials IX. I'll have to pick out the commercials to add for Commercials IX. Don't forget to review this story, add it to your favorites and follow it for future updates, also please no rude comments, be respectful. If you want to co-review any of the movies with me, feel free to PM me if you're interested. Also, I will be working on a new Stranger Things story, which is a collection of Mileven one-shots. I'm calling it Eggos and Promises. Okay, that's a working title for the story. If anyone can help me come up with a title for it, then feel free to do so. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.