The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and I am here to bring you another great and hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Well, it's January and you know what that means? It's time for another theme month. So, what's it going to be? Well, it's going to be Star Trek Month. Throughout the month of January, Sean the Mayhem Critic will be taking a look at the Star Trek movies featuring the cast of the original series and as an added bonus, a review of the episode Spock's Brain from the original series. Today, Sean kicks off Star Trek Month by reviewing Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. Is this sequel worth searching for? We'll find out today. So sit back, relax and enjoy the hilarious new chapter of The Mayhem Critic.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock is owned by Paramount Pictures.
Star Trek Month Part I: Star Trek III: The Search for Spock
(The MC intro starts before we cut to our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on his red couch in his living room. This time, he is seen wearing his Kirk is Better Than Picard t-shirt, jeans and his white Adidas sneakers)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one and welcome to Star Trek Month. Engage review." Sean said, pointing to Cal.
"Yes, sir." Brian said, typing on his keyboard to start the intro.
(The intro to Star Trek Month plays while the theme music from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan composed by the late, great James Horner plays in the background. Then, clips from the Star Trek movies featuring the cast from the original series and the cast of The Next Generation are shown in a montage)
Sean: (Narrating) What can I say about Star Trek? Well, what else is there to say about Star Trek? It's one of the greatest works of Sci-Fi ever to be created by Gene Roddenberry. It's characters are timeless and memorable and it's shows are amazing as well as the movies. Well... some of the movies. And we all know the famous taboo of Star Trek movies, the even-numbered ones are known to be the best ones while the odd-numbered ones tend to piss off Trekkies.
"Or it could be a giant coincidence." Brian said.
"I was about to say that, dude." Sean said.
"Well, I beat you to the punch. So, ha!" Brian exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Throughout January, I will be reviewing the films featuring the cast from the original series. But the problem is, I've already reviewed Star Trek: The Motion Picture and Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan. So, I'm going to review four of the other sequels: The Search for Spock, The Voyage Home, The Final Frontier and The Undiscovered Country. And as an added bonus, I will review the episode Spock's Brain from the original series. Because I know that a lot of you want me to talk about that episode. And I mean a lot. I'm gonna have a lot of fun discussing these films, so let's not waste any time.
"Let's begin with Star Trek III: The Search for Spock." Sean said.
(The title screen for the movie is shown, followed by clips from the movie while the track "Stealing the Enterprise" by James Horner plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) Released in theaters on June 1st, 1984. Again, damn good year for movies. This one is odd-numbered, but to me it's very even-numbered. The film was directed by Spock himself, Leonard Nimoy, making this the first time a Star Trek cast member to direct a movie and it was written and produced by Harve Bennett. This film is a continuation of the "Genesis Trilogy", which began back in Star Trek II. I will admit, while it's a great Star Trek movie, it's hard to say that it's a good Star Trek movie, but there's some problems here and there, but you have some really good moments in this movie. And there's a lot of great moments to talk about, so let's dive right in.
"Let's join the search. This is Star Trek III." Sean said.
(The movie opens with the Paramount Pictures logo, followed by a recap from the last film where we see Spock dying)
Sean: (Narrating) The movie spoils what happens at the end of The Wrath of Khan for those who haven't seen it. And for those of you who have seen it, we all know what happens. And then we have our opening credits with the movie playing the previous film backwards. No, I'm not kidding. They're playing footage from the previous film backwards.
(The movie's opening credits are shown with footage from the previous film featuring the Genesis planet)
Sean: (Narrating) After the opening credits, we see that Kirk is still mourning the loss of his Vulcan friend.
Kirk (Played by William Shatner): (V/O) With most of our battle damage repaired, we're almost home. Yet I feel uneasy and I wonder why.
"Well, maybe it's because of the Italian sausage or the fact that your best friend died right in front of you! I don't know, maybe it's the Italian sausage!" Sean exclaimed.
Trainee Foster (Played by Phil Morris): Sir, ...I was wondering... are they planning a ceremony when we get in? ...I mean, a reception?
Kirk: A hero's welcome, son? Is that what you'd like? Well, God knows, there should be one.
Sean: (Narrating) Somewhere in space, we see a freighter with a female Klingon named Valkris, played by Cathie Shirriff, waiting for somebody, who happens to be her lover, a ruthless Klingon commander named Kruge and yes, he's played by Christopher Lloyd. And I hate to brag about it, but me and my girlfriend met Christopher Lloyd at the Cincinnati Comic Expo last year.
"Oh, yeah. I met Doc Brown and got my picture taken with him. I can cross that off of my bucket list." Sean said.
(Cut to Kruge petting his Klingon monster dog)
Sean: (Narrating) Look at this, he has a Klingon monster dog as a pet. Jeez, my cat Riley is much more adorable than this one. Anyway, we see that Valkris is meeting with Kruge to transmit data of Project Genesis to the Klingon Bird of Prey.
Valkris (Played by Cathie Shirriff): (in Klingonese) Transmission completed. You will find it useful.
Kruge (Played by Christopher Lloyd): (in Klingonese) Then you have seen it?
Valkris: (in Klingonese) I have, my lord.
Kruge: (in Klingonese) Unfortunate.
Valkris: (in Klingonese) Understood.
"From what I've heard from Rowan J. Coleman's retrospective on Star Trek III, the Romulans were going to be the bad guys for the movie. But then it was changed to the Klingons because a copy of Harve Bennett's storyline was leaked to fans. Hell, it would've been awesome just to see a feral Spock killing Romulans at night." Sean said.
Captain (Played by Paul Sorensen): What the hell's going on? When do I get paid off?
Valkris: Soon, Captain, quite soon./(in Klingonese) Success, my lord... and my love.
Kruge: (in Klingonese) You will be remembered with honor. (To his crew) Fire!
(The Bird of Prey fires at the Merchantman, destroying it)
"Wow, she took that very well. Hell, she didn't even have an escape plan. She just fully accepts it. I just wish that there were more people who were accepting death." Sean said as Taylor enters the living room.
(Suddenly, Khan's Theme from Star Trek II plays in the background)
"Captain, we've got an incoming cameo." Brian said.
"Oh, great. It's the moment we've all been waiting for. Put it on screen." Sean said.
(TV static transitions to: Up All Knight with Chad Knight)
"Hey, Sean." Chad said, waving to Sean.
"Chad? Oh, thank God." Sean said.
"Yeah. Uh, who were you expecting?" Chad asked.
"Oh, no one. I thought it was going to be Caleb the Sci-Fi Geek. He's been hounding me to do a co-review with me. Anyway, what's up?" Sean asked.
"Well, I was returning that copy of Star Trek V that you let me borrow." Chad said.
"Oh, right. I do need that for my review." Sean said.
"Yeah, because you own good movies and bad movies on DVD." Chad said.
"Don't push it, Knight." Sean said.
"Okay, okay. Do you still want you 4K Ultra blu-ray of the movie?" Chad asked.
"Sure. Just upload it to my computer." Sean said.
"Alright." Chad said as he types off-screen. "And done. Boy, your review of the movie is going to be just as funny as mine."
(Music from The Wrath of Khan starts playing)
"You're planning on reviewing that movie for your show?" Sean asked.
"Uh, yeah. Hey, it's my job to review cult classics and bad movies." Chad said.
"Unfortunate." Sean said as he glares a bit at Chad.
"Uh, what are you doing?" Chad asked before realizing what Sean is doing. "Oh, I see what you're doing. You know what, I'm totally cool with it."
"Indeed. Thrusters!" Sean exclaimed as he points off-screen.
"Hey, man. After all we've been through. I'm just glad that you're going to wipe me off the face of the Earth. Just zap me to oblivion." Chad said.
"You will be remembered with honor. FIRE!" Sean yelled out as he points off-screen once more.
"Wait, wait, wait." Chad said as he interrupts Sean. "Before you do that, I'm transferring all of the money in my account and giving it to you. I'm sure I'm not going to need it."
"Oh. Well, thank you. I'm gonna need it. FIRE!" Sean yelled out once more.
"Oh, and before I forget. You can have Hannah. In fact, you can date both Taylor and Hannah. Hannah is bi, she likes girls too. I'm sure she's always had a thing for Taylor. So do you need anything else, want me to take you out to dinner? We can go to Chandler's Burger Bistro, my treat. You can bring Brian and his fiancee with you. I hope she likes the Pub Platter." Chad said.
"That's very kind of you. Boy, your understanding of death is unbelievable." Sean said with a smile on his face.
"Well, I've lived a good life. And, hey, good luck to you." Chad said, giving Sean a thumbs up.
"You too, my friend. You..." Sean said.
"Fire!" Chad exclaimed as he points off-screen.
"...motherfu...!" Sean exclaimed as we cut to a shot of his house exploding.
"Ha! Schmuck." Chad said.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, the Enterprise reaches Earth and they arrive at spacedock, where they come across the newest starship called the USS Excelsior, also known as "The Great Experiment". Yeah, we'll see about that later on in the movie. Fun fact: the USS Excelsior was first mentioned in the script of Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan and Sulu was going to have command of the ship. As the ship is moored in spacedock, Chekov finds something weird going on.
Chekov (Played by Walter Koenig): Admiral, this is not possible.
Kirk: Mister Chekov?
Chekov: An energy reading from 'C' deck, from inside Mister Spock's quarters.
Kirk: I ordered Spock's quarters to be sealed!.
"Well, somebody did a horrible job at sealing the door." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Kirk heads down to Spock's quarters with a security team, so he heads inside and he hears Spock's voice, but it turns out to be McCoy, who is acting quite strangely.
Kirk: Bones, what the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind?
McCoy (Played by DeForest Kelley): Help me, Jim. Take me home.
Kirk: Bones, we are. We are home.
McCoy: Then perhaps it's not too late.
Sean: (V/O as McCoy) You can stop me from playing Sentinel Prime in Transformers: Dark of the Moon.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, turns out that Dr. McCoy is not himself because he is actually convinced that he's Spock. But we'll get back to him later as we see that Fleet Admiral Morrow, played by Robert Hooks, tells the crew of the Enterprise that they'll be receiving Starfleet's highest commendation, as well as extended shore leave. Except for Scotty, who's being promoted to Captain of Engineering aboard the Excelsior.
Scotty (Played by James Doohan): With all appreciation, sir, I'd prefer to supervise the refit of Enterprise.
Morrow (Played by Robert Hooks): I'm afraid that won't be necessary.
Scotty: But, sir...
Morrow: I'm sorry, Mister Scott, but there will be no refit.
"Oh, come on. Have you seen what happened to the ship? It suffered some battle damage." Sean said.
Kirk: Admiral, I don't understand. The Enterprise is not...
Morrow: Jim, the Enterprise is twenty years old. We feel her day is over.
Kirk: But we had requested. We'd hope to take her back to Genesis.
Morrow: That is out of the question.
Kirk: May I ask why?
Morrow: In your absence, Genesis has become a galactic controversy.
"Yet, they still can't create a good Sonic game in years." Sean said, imitating Admiral Morrow while the cover of Sonic Frontiers is shown. "Okay, except for that one. But still, it's become a galactic controversy."
Sean: (Narrating) So yeah, because of Genesis becoming a controversial topic for Starfleet, Morrow orders the Enterprise crew that they are not to discuss with anyone about their knowledge of Genesis. In other words, he's telling them to shut the fuck up about Genesis. And speaking of Genesis, we cut to the Klingons as we see Kruge and his officers Torg, played by Stephen Liska, and Maltz played by Dan Fielding himself, John Larroquette, as they watch the data on Project Genesis.
Kruge: Speak.
Torg (Played by Stephen Liska): Great power to control, dominate.
Kruge: Speak.
Maltz (Played by John Larroquette): Impressive. They can make planets.
"When I watched this movie when I was a kid, I did not know that it was John Larroquette playing a Klingon and when I showed this movie to my girlfriend, she didn't even recognize him. Yet, I cannot come up with a clever joke to make. Jeez, John Larroquette as a Klingon on Star Trek. Well, at least Night Court made a Star Trek joke." Sean said.
(A clip from the Night Court episode Yet Another Day in the Life is shown)
New Trekker (Played by Ken Sagoes): Admit it! The old Enterprise was a piece of junk!
Old Trekker (Played by Patrick Richwood): Oh, yeah? How would you like a Vulcan death grip? (Tries to do the Vulcan nerve pinch on the New Trekker)
(Bull does the nerve pinch on the two Trekkies)
Kruge: (To Torg) Share this with no one.
Torg: Understood, my lord.
Sean: (Narrating) We then cut to the Genesis planet, where we see Kirk's son David, once again played by the late Merritt Butrick and Lt. Saavik, who's not played by Kirstie Alley but is played by a different actress, Robin Curtis.
"Who you might recognize her in an episode of Night Court and..." Sean said as a poster for the Hulk Hogan movie Santa With Muscles is shown. "Oh Christ. Yeah, when you star in a movie with Hulk Hogan, your career is doomed."
Sean: (Narrating) Anyway, David and Lt. Saavik start scanning the surface of the planet until it's sensor scans discover Spock's photon tube on the surface, which is carrying a lifeform that they cannot identify, so they try to convince Captain J.T. Esteban, played by Phillip R. Allen, to beam them down to the surface.
Captain Esteban (Played by Phillip R. Allen): Oh, no you don't. Regulations specifically state, 'nothing shall be beamed aboard until danger of contamination has been eliminated.'
Lt. Saavik (Played by Robin Curtis): Captain, the logical alternative is obvious. Beaming down to the surface is permitted.
Captain Esteban: Yes, if the Captain decides that the mission is vital and reasonably free of danger.
David (Played by Merritt Butrick): Captain, please, we'll take the risk, but we've got to find out what it is.
Lt. Saavik: Or who.
"Maybe it's just Chuck Testa who's on the planet." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back on Earth, Kirk and the crew toast to "absent friends" in his apartment until he is visited by Spock's father Sarek, played by Mark Lenard, and he is not too happy about what Kirk did with his son.
Sarek (Played by Mark Lenard): Why did you leave him on Genesis? Spock trusted you, and you denied him his future.
Kirk: I saw no future.
"He wanted out of the franchise. He didn't want to keep playing Spock." Sean said, imitating Kirk.
Sarek: Only his body was in death, Kirk. And you were the last one to be with him.
Kirk: Yes, I was.
Sarek: Then you must know that you should have come with him to Vulcan.
Kirk: But why?
Sarek: Because he asked you to. He entrusted you with his very essence, with everything that was not of the body.
Sean: (Narrating) Sarek believes that Kirk is holding Spock's katra, his living spirit. So he does a mind meld with Kirk to find what's inside his mind.
Sarek: Kirk, I must have your thoughts. May I join your mind?
(During the mind meld, we get an overlaid clip of William Shatner singing "Rocket Man")
Sean: (V/O as Sarek) Oh, God! This is the worst singing I have ever heard in my life! Haven't you taken singing lessons? (V/O as Kirk) I'm an excellent singer.
Sarek: (Finishes the mind meld) Forgive me. It is not here.
"Well, if the mind of Spock isn't in Kirk, then where is it? Uh, maybe it's in the guy who thinks he's Spock. But come on, that would be too obvious." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But then Kirk looks at the security footage at the time of Spock's death and him and Sarek learn that Dr. McCoy received Spock's katra. So, Kirk promises to Sarek that he will get Spock's body back and return him and McCoy to Mount Seleya. Back on Genesis, we see that Lt. Saavik and David beam down to the surface, where they find Spock's casket and they see that his body is missing and the only thing left in there is his burial robe. Back with Kirk, he pleads to Admiral Morrow to give him back the Enterprise. But Morrow tells him to forget it.
Morrow: Out of the question, my friend. The Council has ordered that no one but the science team goes to Genesis. Jim, your life and your career stand for rationality, not intellectual chaos. Keep up this emotional behavior and you'll lose everything. You'll destroy yourself.
"Out of all the people in Starfleet, you got to have that one asshole who follows the rules. Hey, you do things by the book? Well..." Sean said as he throws the rulebook up in the air and vaporizes it with his phaser. "Bye, book."
Sean: (Narrating) I absolutely love this little moment with Kirk. You can see him considering Morrow's words for a moment and then you know, he's known for breaking the rules. This is why Kirk is the best captain ever.
(A picture of Jean-Luc Picard is shown)
Sean: (V/O as Picard) Bullshit!
Sulu (Played by George Takei): The word, sir?
Kirk: The word is no. I am therefore going anyway.
"Because really, who gives a shit about the rules?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) Meanwhile, Dr. McCoy heads down to a bar to get himself a drink. Maybe to get the voices from out of his head.
(McCoy sits at a booth, he looks over to two people playing a dual game with joysticks in which two animated bi-planes displayed in vector graphics attacking each other in mid-air)
Sean: (Narrating) And we see that the games of the future have taken Mega Man X2 wireframe graphics. Yeah, God of War: Ragnarok ain't got shit on them. Anyway, McCoy is meeting up with an unknown alien, played by Allan Miller, as he attempts to negotiate terms of the destination without revealing the exact details.
McCoy: How much and how soon?
Alien (Played by Allan Miller): How soon is now. How much is where?
McCoy: Somewhere in the Mutara Sector.
Alien: Oh. Mutara restricted. Take permits many. Money, more.
"Expect lawsuit you will." Sean said.
McCoy: All right, dammit. It's Genesis. The name of the place we're going is Genesis.
Alien: Genesis?!
"Oh, great. Now there's something that I have to deal with throughout this review. Every time I'm gonna say 'Genesis'..." Sean said.
Alien: Genesis?!
"...this guy is going to pop up." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) But McCoy's conversation with the guy is interrupted by Federation Security and he gets arrested. Also, I just love DeForest Kelley in this movie. He channels Spock but there's a little McCoy inside him. I get a chuckle every time when I see him try to nerve pinch the security officer.
(McCoy tries to Vulcan nerve pinch the security officer, unsuccessfully)
Civilian Agent (Played by Conroy Gedeon): You're going to have a nice, long rest doctor.
Sean: (Narrating) But Kirk and Sulu arrive to bust McCoy out of jail so they can get him to Genesis…
Alien: Genesis?!
"Shut up." Sean said.
(A prison guard yawns)
Sulu: Keeping you busy?
Prison Guard #2 (Played by Doug Shanklin): (Stands up) Don't get smart, Tiny.
(The first guard enters McCoy's cell)
Prison Guard #1 (Played by Gary Faga): Admiral, Starfleet is…
Kirk: This man is sick. Take a look.
(The guard approaches McCoy and Kirk knocks him out with a punch to the face. We then see Sulu pinning the second guard to the wall while Kirk and McCoy make their way to the turbolift)
Sulu: The side elevator. Agents on their way up.
(Sulu throws the second guard and destroys the communications console)
Sulu: Don't call me Tiny.
"Bitch." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Kirk and the rest of the gang make it to the Enterprise, except for Uhura, who will be meeting them on Vulcan. And then we get to one of the most powerhouse scenes and this is one of my favorites where Kirk and the crew steal the Enterprise. And this sequence is well executed by Industrial Light and Magic and if I haven't said his praises enough but James Horner's music score is amazing and the track "Stealing the Enterprise" is one of my favorite tracks of all time.
Chekov: Sir. Commander, Starfleet on emergency channel. He orders you to surrender this wessel ("vessel").
Sean: (Narrating) While they're trying to escape Spacedock, we see that the captain of the Excelsior, Lawrence H. Styles played by James B. Sikking, is informed that someone is stealing the Enterprise, and he is ordered to pursue them. And look at this, his crew consists of a young Bob Morton from RoboCop.
Captain Styles (Played by James B. Sikking): Status.
First Officer (Played by Miguel Ferrer): All automates ready and functioning. Automatic moorings retracted. All speeds available through transwarp drive.
"Oh, hey Miguel Ferrer. Looking forward to hating your character in Deepstar Six." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They manage to get the doors to spacedock open as the Enterprise makes their departure with Excelsior pursuing them.
Captain Styles: Kirk. If you do this, you'll never sit in the Captain's chair again.
"Well, technically he has three more movies in his contract. So in the words of Cyborg in Justice League Dark: Apokolips War…" Sean said.
(A clip from Justice League Dark: Apokolips War is shown)
Cyborg (Voiced by Shemar Moore): Suck it, bitches.
Kirk: Warp speed.
Sulu: Aye, sir. Warp speed.
(The Enterprise takes off at warp speed)
Captain Styles: Prepare for warp speed! Standby transwarp drive!
(The Excelsior prepares for warp speed)
First Officer: Transwarp at your command, sir.
Computer Voice: Full power available.
Captain Styles: Execute.
(The Excelsior prepares for warp speed, but it slows down to a halt, with a cartoony sound effect of a car engine stalling)
"Did the Excelsior make a goofy sound effect?" Sean chuckled a bit.
(The cartoony sound effect is heard once more)
"Well, that's one thing to add to the movie. A little bit of humor. Yeah, save the humor for the next film." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Back on Genesis…
Alien: Genesis?!
Sean: (Narrating) …ugh! Saavik and David come across a life form, which is a young Vulcan boy. Turns out that the boy is a younger version of Spock, played by Carl Steven. And here's the thing, he's been regenerated by the same process that created the Genesis…
Alien: Genesis?!
Sean: (Narrating) …planet. And he has no memories and no means of speech. As they relay the surprising information to Captain Esteban, the Klingons show up to take some prisoners.
(Kruge's Bird of Prey decloaks)
Captain Esteban: Oh, my God!
Kruge: (In Klingonese) Gunner! Target engine only.
Lt. Saavik: Captain, what is happening?
Captain Esteban: We're under attack! Standby for evasive…
Kruge: (To the gunner in Klingonese) Fire!
(The gunner fires at USS Grissom, unintentionally destroying it)
Kruge: (In Klingonese) I wanted prisoners!
Gunner #1 (Played by Bob K. Cummings): (In Klingonese) A lucky shot, sir.
(Kruge executes his gunner with his disruptor, vaporizing him)
Kruge: (In Klingonese) Animal!
Torg: Sir, may I suggest.
Kruge: Say the wrong thing, Torg!
"Give me a reason, Torg! Just give me a reason not to vaporize you!" Sean said, imitating Kruge.
Sean: (Narrating) Torg informs Kruge that if he wants prisoners, the very two scientists that he seeks are on the planet, so Kruge and two other Klingon officers beam on down to the planet. Uh, couldn't they beam to where they're at? And then Saavik learns the truth about Genesis and why the planet is changing so rapidly. Turns out that David used protomatter in the Genesis matrix, which is pretty dangerous and pretty reckless.
Lt. Saavik: So, like your father, you changed the rules.
David: If I hadn't, it might have been years, or never.
Lt. Saavik: How many have paid the price for your impatience? How many have died? How much damage have you done? And what is yet to come?
"Oh, don't worry. I'll be getting to that right now." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So here's the thing about Genesis…
Alien: Genesis?!
Sean: (Narrating) …KNOCK IT OFF! Here's the thing about the planet, because of David using protomatter, the planet is not likely to remain stable for very long, which is causing the rapid evolution. And it's also making Spock age rapidly. Yeah, he went from being a kid at age 9 to age 13, played by Vadia Potenza, and to age 17 played by Stephen Manley, how crazy is that? And to top it all off, he begins to experience pon farr. If you don't know what pon farr is, it's a Vulcan time of mating and Spock has to mate with someone in order to survive.
Lt. Saavik: (in Vulcan): Will you trust me?
Sean: (Narrating) Well, this could only lead to something steamy…
(Saavik and Young Spock join their hands together as Saavik rubs her index and middle fingers down the back of Young Spock's hand while sexy porno music plays in the background. The track played in the background is called "The Mood" by Insight Music)
"Whoa. This is getting pretty steamy, especially for Star Trek." Sean said.
(A clip from 3rd Rock From the Sun is shown)
George Takei: Oh, my!
"Yeah, that's right, Spock. Rub her fingers. She's getting pretty turned on." Sean said.
(Young Spock does the same thing to the back of Saavik's hand)
"Yeah, that's it. Keep rubbing her. Rub the inside of her wrist and… uh, this is not sexy." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, when a pretty woman asks you to finger her, that's not what she meant! You know what, forget it! Let's move on. The next day, the Klingons capture Saavik and Spock as well as David after they beat him.
Kruge: I've come a long way for the power of Genesis…
Alien: Gene…
"AH, AH, AH! SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Sean yelled out.
Kruge: And what do I find? A weakling human, a Vulcan boy and a woman.
"Oh, great. Now I've started a joke that you would say at the Comic Expo." Sean said, imitating Kruge.
Sean: (Narrating) But before Kruge interrogates them for the secret of Genesis, Torg informs Kruge that they have company, so he beams back to his ship and prepares to battle.
(On the Enterprise bridge, Kirk and Sulu notice a spatial distortion caused by the Bird of Prey)
Kirk: There. That distortion. See it?
Sulu: Yes sir. It's getting larger as we close in.
(Back to the Bird of Prey's bridge)
Maltz: Firing range, sir.
Kruge: (To the gunner in Klingonese) Gunner! Target engine only. Understood?
Gunner #2 (Played by Branscombe Richmond): (In Klingonese) Understood clearly, sir.
"Oh, hey! It's our favorite stuntman that I always recognize in movies, Branscombe Richmond. Who I did not recognize him in that Klingon makeup." Sean said.
(The Klingon Bird of Prey de-cloaks)
Sulu: Klingon Bird of Prey, sir! She's arming torpedoes!
Kirk: Fire, Mister Scott!
(The Enterprise fires two photon torpedoes, hitting the Bird of Prey's hull, causing explosions inside it's bridge)
Kirk: Precautionary, Mister Chekov. Shields up.
Chekov: Aye, sir./Sir, the shields non-responsive.
Kirk: Scotty?
Scotty: The automation system's overloaded. I didn't expect to take us into combat, ya know!
"Oh, right! Because stealing a starship and being hunted down by Starfleet and the Klingons would ever put you in a situation where you need to defend yourself. But when you get the shields up, they won't respond." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The Klingons shoot at the Enterprise and knocks out the automation system, which means they're unable to use their weapons. And on top of all that, Kruge's Klingon doggy dies in the process. Eh, it's an ugly thing anyway. I'm not gonna cry about it like the Nostalgia Critic. Anyway, Kirk hails the Bird of Prey and demands for Kruge and his crew to surrender since they're violating a treaty between the Federation and the Klingon Empire and that they'll be destroyed.
Kruge: Admiral Kirk, this is your opponent speaking. Do not lecture me about treaty violations. The Federation, in creating an ultimate weapon, has become a gang of intergalactic criminals. It is not I who will surrender, it is you!
"Ha! We'll see about that because we'll both star in the same movie years from now." Sean said, imitating Kirk while the poster for the 2021 comedy Senior Moment is shown right next to him.
Sean: (Narrating) Kruge reveals to Kirk that he has prisoners on the planet's surface and he allows him to speak to them. Oh, and also he's going to kill one of them. But when one of the Klingons try to kill Saavik, David fights the Klingon, but he ends up getting killed as a force of means for him to surrender. And we get some of Shatner's overdramatic acting for this scene.
(Kirk stumbles back and falls to the deck in front of his chair)
Kirk: You Klingon bastard, you've killed my son. (Whimpers) You Klingon bastard, you've killed my son! You Klingon bastard.
"That is going to be my new nickname for you and my reason not to trust Klingons in the sixth film." Sean said, imitating Kirk.
Sean: (Narrating) Kruge threatens to kill Saavik and Spock, and Kirk finally gives in and surrenders and he gives him two minutes to be boarded. While McCoy and Sulu go down to the transporter room, Kirk, Scott and Chekov activate the ship's auto-destruct sequence, giving them 60 seconds to run out of there. And I absolutely love this scene. This is another one of those big powerhouse scenes. With Kirk and the crew beaming down to the planet, Torg and the Klingons beam aboard the Enterprise and they find now crewmember. And I absolutely love the buildup when Kruge puts together what the self-destruct countdown means.
Torg: My Lord. The ship appears to be deserted.
Kruge: How can that be? They're hiding.
Torg: Yes, sir. But the bridge appears to be run by computer. It is the only thing speaking.
Kruge: Speaking? Let me hear.
Computer Voice: Nine, eight, seven, six, five…
"Hmm, let's see. Enterprise, plus 59 equals…" Sean said as an image of the Enterprise is shown followed by the number 59.
(A clip from Looney Tunes is shown)
Tweety Bird (Voiced by Mel Blanc): BOOM!
(Back to the movie)
Kruge: (Yells) GET OUT! GET OUT OF THERE! GET OUT!
(Explosions rip through the Enterprise. The bridge is engulfed with explosions that instantly kill the Klingon boarding party)
"Okay, the destruction of the Enterprise is a pretty epic and memorable scene." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) It has a lot of dramatic weight to it. And when I watched this movie when I was a kid, that was the scene that I remembered seeing, which was the Enterprise blowing up.
"Also, the final voyage of the starship Enterprise is no surprise when the friggin' trailer spoiled it for us." Sean said.
(A clip from the theatrical trailer for Star Trek III: The Search for Spock is shown, featuring a clip of the Enterprise exploding)
Announcer: Join us, on this. The final voyage of the starship Enterprise…
"Dude, spoilers!" Sean exclaimed.
(Back on Genesis, Kirk and the crew watch on as the fireball streak through the planet's atmosphere)
Kirk: My God, Bones. What have I done?
McCoy: What you had to do. What you always do. Turn death into a fighting chance to live.
"Isn't that what best described Shatner's career?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) So Kirk and the crew find Spock and Saavik and they save them. But they're without a ship and the planet is destroying itself. So Kirk makes a deal with Kruge to give him the secret of Genesis, so Kruge beams himself down and orders Maltz to beam up the crew to his ship, leaving him, Kirk and Spock.
Kruge: Genesis, I want it.
Kirk: Beam the Vulcan up and we'll talk.
Kruge: Give me what I want and I'll consider it
Kirk: You fool, look around you! The planet's destroying itself!
Kruge: Yes, exhilarating, isn't it?
Kirk: If we don't help each other, we'll die here.
Kruge: Perfect. Then that's the way it shall be.
(Suddenly, a huge rock erupts out of the ground and throws Kruge on to Kirk and they grapple)
Sean: (Narrating) Kirk and Kruge fight to the death and it's a pretty tense fight scene and a bit violent. Now, all that's left is some music playing in the background.
"Don't worry, I have an idea on how to make this scene excellent." Sean said as he pressed a button.
(The fight music from the Star Trek episode Amok Time is played during the fight scene between Kirk and Kruge)
Sean: (Narrating) Kruge hangs onto the edge of a cliff and Kirk tries to save him. But Kruge takes a cue from Andross, if he's going down then he's taking Kirk with him. But then Kirk has enough of this guy and we get my favorite line of the movie.
Kirk: (Repeatedly kicks Kruge in the face) I… have had… enough of you!
(Kirk kicks Kruge in the face, causing the Klingon commander to fall off the side of the cliff and plummets into the lava)
Sean: (Narrating) Kirk retrieves Spock and he beams aboard the Bird of Prey, in which him and his crew go all Grand Theft Auto: Genesis on Maltz's ass by taking control of the ship and take Spock home to Vulcan. They arrive on the planet and they make it to Mount Seleya, where a ceremony is officiated by the Vulcan priestess T'Lar, played by Dame Judith Anderson, and they talk about making the transition from McCoy's mind back into Spock's
Vulcan High Priestess (Played by Dame Judith Anderson): Sarek, child of Skon, child of Solkar, the body of your son breathes still. What is your wish?
Sarek: I ask for fal-tor-pan, the refusion.
Vulcan High Priestess: What you seek has not been done since ages past, and then, only in legend. Your request is not logical.
Sarek: Forgive me, T'Lar. My logic is uncertain where my son is concerned.
Vulcan High Priestess: Who is the Keeper of the katra?
"Uh, Kramer, Cosmo. Son of Babs. I'm kidding, he uses his katra to beat up little kids in his karate class." Sean said, chuckling a bit after he referenced an episode of Seinfeld.
Sean: (Narrating) No, actually McCoy steps up to tell them that he's the keeper of Spock's katra and they agree to perform the ceremony, but T'Lar warns him that there are risks involved. Well, screw risks, they just go through the ceremony to restore Spock's soul. After the ceremony ends, McCoy wakes up just fine and Spock wakes up just fine as well as he tries to remember his friends and Kirk.
Spock (Played by Leonard Nimoy): Why would you do this?
Kirk: Because the needs of the one, outweigh the needs of the many.
Spock: I have been, and ever shall be, your friend.
Kirk: Yes. Yes, Spock.
Spock: The ship. Out of danger?
Kirk: You saved the ship.
"I blew it up later on. Don't worry, I'll explain it to you later." Sean said.
Spock: Jim. Your name is Jim.
Kirk: Yes. (Smiles at Spock)
Sean: (Narrating) Therefore, happy ending! Spock gets his memory back, the crew of the Enterprise have their token Vulcan friend back and the movie lets us know that the adventure continues. The end.
"And that was Star Trek III: The Search for Spock and it's a great film." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) It's not as good as The Wrath of Khan. It tends to drag at times and the pacing just goes by quick, but the movie still has some pretty epic scenes and it feels operatic at times. The movie also needs a pretty strong rivalry between the hero and the villain, but I have to say Christopher Lloyd is a lot of fun playing the villain. You can tell that he's having a lot of fun. The effects hold up pretty well and James Horner's music score is amazing as always. It's still a pretty good film. It's not the best, but it still holds up well. Star Trek III: The Search for Spock comes in at 4 vaporized Klingons out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and Star Trek Month is just the beginning." Sean said as he beams himself out.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Genesis?!
And that was the review of The Mayhem Critic. Boy, I've finished this one real quick. LOL. And you know what, I'm glad that I've got the first part of Star Trek Month finished. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, Star Trek Month continues as Sean the Mayhem Critic checks out Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, it is the Star Trek movie that is a load of fun but also environmentally friendly. Don't forget to review this story (NO TROLLING OR YOU WILL BE REPORTED!), add it to your favorites and follow it to your favorites. If you would like to do a co-review or help me out with any of the Star Trek reviews for Star Trek Month, feel free to PM me if you're interested. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.