The Mayhem Critic
Aloha, my fellow readers. It is I, the great James Stryker and welcome back to another hilarious chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Last time on The Mayhem Critic, Sean reviewed the classic teen comedy Ferris Bueller's Day Off and gave his thoughts about it. Today, Sean the Mayhem Critic is going to review a film from 2009 that people seem to forget. And that movie is Law Abiding Citizen, a film about what happens when the justice system doesn't work and when one man takes the law into his own hands. Is this movie still good or is it forgotten. Let's sit back relax, grab a cold one and order yourself a 20oz Porterhouse steal from Del Frisco's. Here's the newest chapter of The Mayhem Critic. Enjoy.
P.S.: I do not own anything involved in this story. All rights and references belong to their respective sources. Law Abiding Citizen is owned by Overture Films and The Film Department.
Episode 185
Law Abiding Citizen
(We get the traditional Mayhem Critic intro. After the intro ends, we open with our favorite residential movie critic Sean J. Archer, a.k.a. the Mayhem Critic, sitting on the couch as he prepares to talk about today's topic)
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic, the critic that rips movies a new one." Sean said. "Um, does anyone remember the movie Law Abiding Citizen?"
(The title screen for "Law Abiding Citizen" is shown, followed by clips from the movie while Heavy Metal music plays in the background)
Sean: (Narrating) This was one of those films that dropped off the radar after it was released. You've watched it before, and then you forgot about it. I remember watching this movie when I was like 18 years old and I happen to enjoy that movie. Over the years as I got older, I forgot about that movie until I remembered a very specific scene from the movie.
(A clip from the movie is shown)
Clyde Shelton (Played by Gerard Butler): You ever been to Del Frisco's? They cater. So for lunch I would love a 20oz Porterhouse steak, medium maybe a little bit charred. With all the trimmings. Pomme frittes, asparagus, butter squash...
Nicholas "Nick" Rice (Played by Jamie Foxx): Fuck you and your pomme frittes.
Sean: (Narrating) And when I started watching the movie again, I forgot how awesome that movie was, but then I remembered how disappointing the ending was but we'll talk about that later. Released in theaters on October 16th, 2009, this film was directed by F. Gary Gray, who you might recognize him as the guy who directed Friday (a picture of director F. Gary Gray is shown followed by the Friday movie poster). It is also written by Kurt Wimmer, who should not be working on remakes of classic movies (a picture of Kurt Wimmer is shown followed by posters for the Total Recall, Point Break and Children of the Corn remakes are shown) and we've got ourselves a stellar cast of characters like Jamie Foxx, Gerard Butler, Bruce McGill, Colm Meaney, Reginal Hall, Leslie Bibb, Viola Davis, Gregory Itzin. Damn, people who I recognize for their work is in this movie. Hell, it seems like a damn good movie. The movie grossed about $127.9 million worldwide, but it got negative reviews from critics due to how brutal this movie is, again we'll talk about that in the review, but Roger Ebert gave the movie 3 out of 4 stars (a picture of Roger Ebert is shown). Yeah, this guy thought it was good. But the question remains: is this film still memorable or should it be forgotten? We've got a lot of film to cover, so let's dive right in.
"This is Law Abiding Citizen." Sean said.
(The movie opens in the home of Clyde Shelton, where we see him working on something while his daugher is making a necklace for her mother and a bracelet for him)
Sean: (Narrating) We open with engineer Clyde Shelton, played by Gerard Butler, who's busy doing some work while his daughter is making a necklace for her mom and a bracelet for him. Things seem to be peaceful, but when he goes to check on who's at the door...
(A sound clip from Child's Play plays in the background as someone hits Clyde in the face with a baseball bat)
Chucky: Batter up!
(Home invaders get inside the house while one of the home invaders, named Clarence Darby, beats Clyde up with a baseball bat. Afterwards, the second home invader, named Rupert Ames, ties up Clyde's wrists)
"And this movie goes all Death Wish remake on our asses." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The home invaders Clarence Darby, played by Christian Stolte, and Rupert Ames played by Josh Stewart, break into Clyde's home and tie him up. Clyde's wife walks in and sees this and Darby attacks her while Ames is stealing a couple of things. Darby stabs Clyde, then he goes to beat Clyde's wife and stabs her and he rapes her while Clyde watches helplessly and he also kills Clyde's daughter as well. Afterwards, we cut to prosecuting attorney Nick Rice, played by Jamie Foxx, who's working on the Shelton case when his boss Jonas Cantrell, played by Bruce McGill, talks to him about it.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Went sideways last night. Judge Burch.
Jonas Cantrell (Played by Bruce McGill): Bad news. What now?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Let's make the deal.
Jonas Cantrell: They killed a little girl, Nick.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: It's an imperfect system.
Jonas Cantrell: And we it's imperfect servants. However, you could win this case.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: No, can't take that chance. Some justice is better than no justice at all.
"Try explaining that to Charles Bronson in the Death Wish movies. The system doesn't work for him, and look what he does. He wastes every street scum known to man." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Cantrell tells Nick that Clyde is waiting for him to tell him the news. So he tells him that Darby has agreed to testify against Ames and with his testimony, Ames will go to death row. As for Darby, he'll plead guilty to murder in the third degree.
Clyde Shelton: He serves what, five years? At best? I don't understand. I'm sorry.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: We had a setback, Clyde. The judge ruled that the DNA was inadmissible.
Clyde Shelton: What?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Exclusionary rule. The opposing counsel maneuvered it.
Clyde Shelton: You said this part of the case was clear-cut. We had the blood on his shirt.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: It's covered under the same rule.
Clyde Shelton: What about the rest of the forensics evidence?
"Evidence? Who said anything about evidence? It went right out the window." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde pleads to Nick not to make a deal with Darby, but he tells him that he made a deal with Darby and Clyde doesn't take the news very well. So during the trial...
(Nick's phone starts ringing and he answers it)
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Yeah?
Judge Laura Burch (Played by Annie Corley): There's no cell phones in my courtroom, Mr. Rice. We've been over this-
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: I'm sorry.
Judge Laura Burch: And over this, over this.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: I had some exigent business. I was-
Judge Laura Burch: Next time, it's mine.
"Who does this bitch think she is, Judge Judy? What's next, she's gonna tell him to put the water down?" Sean asked.
Judge Laura Burch: (Her dialogue is replaced by Judge Judy's dialogue) PUT THE WATER DOWN!
Clarence Darby (Played by Christian Stolte): Aw. You married?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Excuse me?
Clarence Darby: Are you married?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Please fuck this up so I can destroy you.
"Real classy of you, dude. As the prosecutor if he's married. You don't do that shit." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) So Nick makes the deal with Darby and he goes free, but Clyde feels betrayed by Nick and system and seeing his family's killer go free. Afterwards, Nick returns home to see his wife Kelly, played by Regina Hall, but before he talk to his pregnant wife about his day, he's gotta talk to his daughter.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: (To his unborn daughter) First of all, this is your father speaking.
Kelly Rice (Played by Regina Hall): Yeah, she didn't know that.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: You never know. I want you to stay in there as long as you can because there's a lot of crazy-ass people out here.
Kelly Rice: Language.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Your mother's a hard-ass.
Sean: (V/O as Kelly) I said "language", you damn fool! (V/O as Nick) I should say the same to you, you're cursing too.
Sean: (Narrating) We cut to ten years later as we see that Nick's life is going great, aside from the fact that he's a workaholic and there's something important going on in his daughter's life.
Kelly Rice: You going to your daughter's recital this afternoon?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Um, I thought you were going to order the DVDs.
Kelly Rice: Video's not the same, Nick.
Denise Rice (Played by Emerald-Angel Young): Mom, it's okay. Dad's got to work. I know.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: See? It's all right. Dad's got to work. And what does Dad doing today?
Denise Rice: Lock up bad guys.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: And why does he do that?
Denise Rice: To keep us safe.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Yeah, because he wants us to be safe.
"Boy, you said it like you're Commissioner Gordon. Yeah, I could see Jamie Foxx playing Commissioner Gordon." Sean said.
Kelly Rice: You know she's ten years old, right? You know that?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: I know that.
Kelly Rice: She doesn't understand why you're never around.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Don't do this.
Kelly Rice: This good guy, bad guy stuff, that's just talk to her.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Don't do this. Come on. I can't come today.
Kelly Rice: You know you have not been to one recital.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: How many has she had?
Kelly Rice: Enough.
"And being the workaholic dad, he's going to have to miss out on his daughter's recital and his wife will hate him for that. Haven't we seen that enough in movies?" Sean asked.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Nick and his friend Sarah Lowell, played by Leslie Bibb, are on their way to see Rupert Ames' execution and it is intercut with Nick's daughter preparing for her recital.
"I would also like to point out that this lawyer is a perv." Sean said.
Bill Reynolds (Played by Richard Portnow): Sarah, your legs are looking real good in those heels.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: What are you doing, Reynolds? Why are you here? Your DVD player broken?
"Yeah, dude. There's a porn site out there now, it's called Brazzers." Sean said, imitating Nick.
Rupert Ames (Played by Josh Stewart) What I did, it was wrong. I should have never been there. But I swear to God, I didn't kill those people. Wrong man's dying here today. That's all.
"Okay, he said his last words. Now, let's execute this poor bastard." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They give Ames the lethal injection treatment, but it gets a little too lethal when he's in agonizing pain and he is killed due to a chemical alteration and we see that Detective Dunnigan, played by Colm Meaney, is on the case.
Detective Dunnigan (Played by Colm Meaney): So somebody kill the guy you were trying to kill? What are we calling this?
Detective Garza (Played by Michael Irby): Clear violation of his eighth amendment rights- cruel and unusual punishment.
Detective Dunnigan: Law school.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Yeah. The machine- How does it work on a good day?
Warden Iger (Played by Gregory Itzin): It's designed to be pain-free. There's three drugs administered in a specific order.
"Well, whatever drugs that you gave this guy, he definitely felt some pain." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The detectives show them the inscription that was on the machine that reads "Can't fight fate.", which is what Darby said to Clyde during the home invasion and what he said to Nick in the courtroom. And speaking of Darby, we see that he's getting high on cocaine and he has an underraged woman in his apartment. He gets a phone call from a mysterious caller, who tells him all the crimes that he's committed and the cops are out to get him.
(Darby leaves the apartment and shoots at the cops and continues to run to the next rooftop)
Detective Garza: He's heading north. Go! Go!
Sean: (V/O as Detective Garza) Quick! He's jumping from rooftop to rooftop like Batman! Let's drive our cars!
Sean: (Narrating) The mysterious caller tells Darby to wipe his prints and get rid of his gun and head down to an abandoned factory, where a police car is waiting for him.
Clarence Darby: (Grabs the cop's gun) Rise and fucking shine, bitch! (Hits the cop to wake him up) Wake the fuck up! Let's go. Start the fucking car!
Cop: Okay, okay. Take it easy!
Clarence Darby: Do it!
"Alright, I'll start the car. Just please don't kill me! I have a wife and a daughter." Sean said, imitating the cop.
Sean: (Narrating) Darby takes the cop to a deserted warehouse and he gets ready to kill the cop. But then the cop reveals himself to by Clyde and that he's also the caller and as Darby gets ready to shoot Clyde, the gun paralyzes him with tetrodotoxin-coated spikes. Man, how clever is that. Later, he takes him to an abandoned warehouse and straps him onto a table and he has a little fun with him.
Clyde Shelton: (Pulls out a box cutter) Now, this is for your penis, but we'l get to that later. (He then grabs a scalpel) Scalpel. For your eyelids, in case you insist on fucking shutting them. You see... I know what it feels like to be helpless, just like when I watched you slaughter my whole family. You know you can't fight fate. Right, Darby?
"Holy crap. They made Clyde into a psycho killer. Awesome!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde turns on the video camera to start filming and he begins to start torturing Darby to death.
"Now this is where I point out that this movie almost got an NC-17 rating for it's violence." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Yes, I am reviewing the theatrical version, in which the violence is edited down. But on the Unrated Blu-Ray version, the violent scenes are much more brutal.
"Now, I would show you the aftermath of Darby's death. But I do not want to get in trouble with YouTube's standards. But when you see it in the unrated version I would just like to say, yikes." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Detective Dunnigan calls Nick to tell them that they've found Darby, well, what's left of him, and him, Sarah and Cantrell try to figure out who's responsible for this gruesome death and they think of one man: Clyde Shelton.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Think motive. Who has one?
Jonas Cantrell: The husband, the father. What do we know about him?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: He owned the warehouse where they found Darby.
Jonas Cantrell: What else?
Sarah Lowell (Played by Leslie Bibb): He's a tinkerer. Uh, little inventions, gizmos. He holds two dozen patents that made him some money. He liquidated most of his wealth a few years ago to buy some industrial properties around airports, chemical plants, railyards.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: That doesn't add up.
Sarah Lowell: No. It's weird, right?
"No, what's weird is Gerard Butler playing the Phantom of the Opera. That's weird." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The cops and Nick head down to Shelton's place, where we see Clyde is getting ready for them to take him in. (Sees that Clyde is taking his clothes off) I mean really getting ready.
(The Philadelphia S.W.A.T. team enters the house to find Clyde, as he has his hands raised, he is seen completely naked and a censor bar is covering his behind)
S.W.A.T. Member #1: Police! Get down! Get down!
S.W.A.T. Member #2: On your knees!
(Clyde gets down on his knees as they prepare to arrest him)
"Oh, man. Can you imagine being that one guy in S.W.A.T. who has to deal with seeing that guy's junk? How would that even go down?" Sean asked.
(Cutaway Gag Starts)
(We open with Sean, Lucas, Dave and Brian as two members of S.W.A.T. as they get ready to arrest Oliver, who's playing Clyde Shelton. Sean opens the door and both him and Brian open the door and they see Oliver standing in the room naked)
Sean: (as S.W.A.T. Captain Runyon): Police! Get your hands up! (Sees Clyde naked) Oh, for the love of God!
Oliver: (as Clyde) I have come prepared for you guys to take me in.
Sean: Yeah, but we didn't expect you to be completely naked in front of us, dude! Reynolds, put the cuffs on him.
Brian: (as S.W.A.T. Officer Reynolds): No way, dude! I am not going near a naked man.
Sean: Bennett, just arrest the guy! It's not like his balls are going to touch you.
Brian: That's what I'm afraid of, Bob! If that touches me, I'm shooting it off.
Oliver: Uh, are you guys going to arrest me?
Sean: Yes, we'll arrest you. But for God's sake, put some pants on. We're not dragging you outside like that.
Oliver: Right, sorry. Just being theatrical.
(Cutaway Gag Ends)
(The police take Clyde into custody and Clyde and Nick both stare at each other)
Sean: (V/O as Clyde) Just for that, I'm gonna Sparta Kick your ass.
Sean: (Narrating) The cops arrest Clyde and they send him to prison as Detective Dunnigan tries to question him. While that's going on, Nick's family gets a package sent to them in the mail, which is a recording of the recital. Oh, that's good. At least they're getting some family entertainment.
(Denise plays the DVD and turns on the TV and we see it's footage of Clyde torturing Darby to death. Denise watches this and gets scared right when Clyde uses the power saw on Darby)
Denise Rice: Mommy!
"Jesus Christ, movie! Just be glad that it wasn't lesbian porn that Denise put in." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick goes to talk to Clyde and ask him some questions and he demands answers from him.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Did you murder Clarence Darby?
Clyde Shelton: I wanted him dead. He killed my wife and child.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Rupert Ames- Did you murder him as well?
Clyde Shelton: (Nods his head) Rupert Ames deserved to die. They both deserved to die.
"YES, THEY DESERVED TO DIE! AND I HOPE THEY BURN IN... oops, wrong movie." Sean said, referencing A Time to Kill.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde tells Nick that he will give him a confession. But Nick will have to give him something in return, which is a nice new bed for his cell. Nick tells him "No" because it is shit. But making demands with him will have to wait because Kelly calls him to tell her that Denise saw the video.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: This motherfucker sent a DVD to my house of him killing Darby.
Jonas Cantrell: What?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: My daughter saw it.
Jonas Cantrell: He recorded it? We've got him.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: No, no. He had on a mask. We need that confession.
Warden Iger: You still want to bargain with this man?
Jonas Cantrell: The art of the possible, warden. Make the deal.
"Get him a new bed and call Mike Lindell to get him one of those MyPillows." Sean said, imitating Jonas.
Sean: (Narrating) So they make the deal by giving Clyde a new bed due to his back problem and Warden Iger, played by the late Gregory Itzin, tells him that he's got bigger problems than a bad back, which is the inmates. And he's sharing a cell with this blonde haired version of Jason Momoa
Dwight Dixon (Played by Reno Laquintano): (Sees Clyde's bed) Nice bed.
Clyde Shelton: Thank you. It's a single.
"Well, looks like somebody's gonna get killed over a bed in their cell." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) The next day, Shelton goes to court to represent himself and he delivers a pretty damn good speech that would keep him out of jail.
Clyde Shelton: Your Honor, I am a law-abiding citizen. I'm just a regular guy. I am not a flight risk. This is my first alleged offense, and the prosecution has not presented one single piece of evidence against me. Now, in these circumstances, unless the state has obtained some new piece of information relating to my involvement in the matter in question, then I find it highly prejudicial, even Constitutionally offensive, to keep me detained without bail. It's a slippery slope, Your Honor. Haven't we seen the result of such violations, both internationally and domestically? Case in point would be Day v. McDonagh, docket number 041325.
"Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all. I think he might get out of this one. Hopefully, he doesn't screw this one up." Sean said.
Judge Laura Burch: Well, then, in my opinion, the state has failed to establish a compelling basis for its motion, and I will grant bail in the amount of-
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Your Honor, I would caution you not to do that.
(Clyde laughs and claps his hands)
Clyde Shelton: Thank you.
Judge Laura Burch: Excuse me?
Clyde Shelton: No, I don't think I will excuse you. You see, this is what I'm talking about. You were about to let me go. Are you kidding me? This is why we're here in the first place. You think I don't remember who you are, lady?
Judge Laura Burch: I would tread carefully, Mr. Shelton.
Clyde Shelton: Well, how carefully should I tread?
"Oh, you fucking idiot. They're gonna hold you in contempt because of your little outburst, buddy. For a genius killer, you sure are dumb." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde gets held in contempt of court and is denied bail and sent back to jail. Also, I couldn't help but laugh at this little line uttered by Gerard Butler.
Clyde Shelton: (To the Judge) And I bet you take it up the fucking ass! Bitch!.
Judge Laura Burch: Bailiff.
Clyde Shelton: Hey, see you later, Nick.
"You know Nick would've laughed if he wasn't so confused. If I was him, I would laugh my ass off." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde gets sent back to prison and he has a little chat about the videotape and he confesses to Nick that he killed Darby and he tells him every little gory detail on how he killed him.
Clyde Shelton: I took his fingers with bolt cutters, his toes with tin snips, his balls with a hacksaw and his penis with a box cutter. How's that for specifics?
"That's good to know. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go throw up." Sean said as he gets up from off of the couch and heads upstairs.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde tells Nick another confession. And another confession, means another deal. And Clyde has one thing he requests.
Clyde Shelton: You ever been to Del Frisco's? They cater. So for lunch, I would love a 20-ounce porterhouse steak- medium, maybe a little bit charred- with all the trimmings. Pommes frites. Asparagus. Butter squash.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Fuck you and your pommes frites.
"That sounds like an odd request. It's like a psycho killer requesting the Longhorn Porterhouse from Longhorn Steakhouse and wanting it well done with steakhouse mac & cheese and fresh steamed asparagus. Which reminds me, I have to order me and Taylor dinner from Longhorn." Sean said as he picked up his phone.
Sean: (Narrating) But before Nick leaves after he denies his request for some food and music, Clyde mentions Darby's lawyer Bill Reynolds, who's been missing for days and Clyde has done something with him. So, he demands a steak lunch from Del Frisco's and a music player delivered to his cell by 1:00, in exchange for Reynolds' location. Nick agrees and they deliver his meal, but the warden wants to screw with Clyde by keeping his meal waiting.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: It's 5 to 1.
Warden Iger: I don't take orders from him or you, and inmates don't have access to the time. We tell them what time it is.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: I don't care if he has a Rolex or not. We need to stick to the timeline that was agreed to.
Detective Dunnigan: Fuck him, Nick. Let him wait. Christ, he sawed a guy's dick off.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Whether you like it or not, we are on his time.
Warden Iger: Check it again.
"Boy, U.S. President Charles Logan can be such an asshole towards people and their food. But don't worry, he gets what's coming to him in season 8 of 24.
Sean: (Narrating) So they give Clyde his lunch right in front of the inmates and Clyde gets ready to enjoy his meal right in front of his cell mate.
"Oh, that son of a bitch! The prisoners get to eat some kind of slop with Jell-o with roaches inside while this motherfucker is eating a porterhouse steak from Del Frisco's! WHERE'S MY STEAK, GODDAMN IT?!" Sean yelled out.
Clyde Shelton: Hey, what time is it?
Warden Iger: It's 1:00.
Clyde Shelton: Is that right, Nick?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: (Looks at his watch) It's 1:08.
Clyde Shelton: Well, that's disappointing, Warden. I mean, how can you expect me not to fuck with you when you can't even be honest with me?
"Because Charles Logan is an asshole. That's why." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Hell, he's making me hungry just watching him eat that steamed asparagus and hearing how crunchy it is. He could probably do ASMR.
"Man, the biggest injustice is how crunchy that steamed asparagus is. Hell, his piss is gonna be smelly from the asparagus." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde stops messing around with them and gives them the location to where Reynolds is at, so while Nick and Detective Dunnigan fly down to the location in a helicopter, Clyde is busy eating his meal in front of his cell mate who's waiting to kick his ass.
Clyde Shelton: So I suppose if I don't share this with you, you're gonna-
Dwight Dixon: I'm gonna get the fuck up, I'm gonna conk back my right hand, and I'm gonna split your whole fucking skull in two. How about that?
Clyde Shelton: Come on over here. Join me. There's plenty to go around.
(Dixon joins Clyde at the table)
Clyde Shelton: Here. Enjoy. Have some pasta.
(Clyde hands Dixon a plate of macaroni and cheese. Dixon starts eating it with his hand)
Clyde Shelton: Good. What about some steak? You like steak?
Dwight Dixon: Yeah. Give me some steak.
Clyde Shelton: I got a big piece for you. (Gives a piece of steak to Dixon) Here you go. How's that?
(Dixon eats the piece of steak)
Clyde Shelton: Good, huh?
"Well, that's nice of him. He's being the good cell mate. And he's made a friend. He shared some of his food with him. He needed it." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) While Clyde is being buddy buddy with Dwight Dixon, played by Reno Laquintano respectively, Nick, Dunnigan and the rest of the Philadelphia police arrive at the scene and they find Reynolds' briefcase, but unfortunately, they're too late because Reynolds suffocated to death while being buried alive by time-mechanized materials.
"See? This never would've happened if Charles Logan didn't fuck with Clyde and his food." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Oh, yeah. Remember when I said that Clyde and Dixon are being friendly to each other?
(Clyde stabs Dixon in the neck repeatedly with the t-bone and the prisoners start shouting while heavy metal music starts playing)
Inmate: (Shouts) Oh, shit! Check this out!
"Jesus, that was pretty brutal!" Sean exclaimed.
Sean: (Narrating) Yeah, that part was one of the most brutal and surprising scenes of the film. Plus, the unrated version of the scene was much more brutal. And he definitely gave him his last meal. Not only that, I never thought that you could use a t-bone to shank a person with it.
"Boy, imagine if he used the bone of the ribeye steak, he would've bashed that dude's brains all over the wall." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde gets moved to solitary confinement where he can't touch anyone and Nick stops by to chat with him about Reynolds and his cell mate. But he did it just to teach Nick a lesson.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Well, what principle was it worth when your tortured and killed those people?
Clyde Shelton: That everyone must be held accountable for their actions.
"Like when you were cast as Electro in The Amazing Spider-Man 2 or when you played Ricardo Tubbs in that Miami Vice movie." Sean said, imitating Clyde.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: You think your wife and daughter would feel good about you killing in their name? (Shows Clyde the bracelet that his daughter made for him)
Clyde Shelton: (Takes the bracelet from out of Nick's hand and looks at it for a bit) My wife and daughter can't feel anything. They're dead.
Sean: (Narrating) Later, Nick and Jonas...
"Sorry, I couldn't resist." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) ...take a walk to talk for a bit as he tells Nick that Clyde's government contract payments were bothering him and that they're about to meet someone after pulling some strings. So they meet with some shady informer type from the CIA named Bray, played by Michael Kelly, and we learn a little something about Clyde.
Bray (Played by Michael Kelly): So Clyde finally lost it? Somebody must have really pissed him off.
Jonas Cantrell: You worked with Shelton. Is that right?
Bray: Okay, first of all, I was never here, and we never spoke.
Jonas Cantrell: Tell us what we're dealing with. Shelton was a spy or-
Bray: Look, spies are a dime a dozen. I'm a spy. Clyde is a brain. He's a think tank-type guy. His speciality was low-impact kinetic operations.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: That's a hell of a fancy way to say that he kills people.
Bray: We kill people. He figured out how to do it without ever being in the same room. It was his gift, and he was the best. One time, we're tasking this tricky target. We're using cruise missiles and predators. And we even had a B-2 bomber flying this guy's villa with J-DAM. We're burning up millions in ordinance, and we're getting nowhere with this guy. So we call Clyde, and we ask him to solve our problem. Clyde develops a kevlar thread with a high-tech ratchet made of carbon fiber. Put it in a necktie. Two days later, Mrs. Bad Guy comes home, and finds Mr. Bad Guy dead on the bathroom tile- choked to death.
"Holy shit, Clyde used to work for the CIA and he was this master assassin who has a very particular set of skills. Skills that made him a nightmare for people like Darby. Holy shit! This movie's getting good!" Sean exclaimed with a smile on his face.
Sean: (Narrating) Bray warns them that Clyde can kill anyone anytime he wishes. But hey, he's in prison, so he can't do shit. But Bray tells them that if anybody who had anything to do with the case, he's coming after them. Which means Nick better watch his back. Nick calls Sarah to tell her to set up a meeting with Judge Burch. The next day, Nick and Jonas meet with Judge Burch to keep him in prison. She agrees to it and...
(Judge Burch's phone starts ringing and she tries to answer it)
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Are you going to take that? After all the grief you've given me over cell phones?
Judge Laura Burch: Well, that's one of the benefits of being a judge, Mr. Rice. I can pretty much do whatever I want. (She answers her phone) Hello?
(Judge Burch gets killed by an explosive hidden in her cellphone as Nick and Cantrell see this)
Jonas Cantrell: Oh, my God.
"Suddenly, Clyde kills her the same way Michael DeSanta killed Jay Norris in Grand Theft Auto V." Sean said.
Judge Laura Burch: (Her dialogue is replaced by Jay Norris' dialogue) Huh? Hold on a second. I think someone's trying to dock with me. (Answers the phone) Hello?
(The explosive in the cell phone kills her)
Michael De Santa (Voiced by Ned Luke): Oh! Ach! Oh! Jesus! Whoa! Lest... Whoa.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick goes to see Clyde about Judge Burch's death and he mentions something about vengeance.
Clyde Shelton: Vengeance? That's what you think this is about? Vengeance?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: What else could it be?
(A clip from The Batman is shown)
Batman (Played by Robert Pattinson): Vengeance.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde is still angry with Nick about what he did and he's at war with the broken system and he gives him one last deal, which is to release him and drop all charges by 6 a.m. or he'll kill everyone. But Nick isn't going to buy that crap from him and he takes precautionary measures instead by moving his entire team into prison to work through the night. Well, at least it gives Nick some time to have a chat with Sarah.
Sarah Lowell: Hey, Nick, can I ask you something?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Mm?
Sarah Lowell: Would you do it the same way now? Would you still cut a deal for Darby?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: This is the job, Sarah. We have to make choices.
Sarah Lowell: But did you make the right choice?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: We made the right choice, right?
Sarah Lowell: I don't know.
"You might think that ABC made the right choice in cancelling American Housewife. We were robbed for a sixth season." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Clyde's deadline passes, but nothing happens. So, Nick sends his team on home. Oh, good. At least Clyde was bluffing about people dying...
(One of the cars start exploding, then another car explodes)
"Nevermind." Sean said.
(A couple more cars explode as Sarah tries to get out of her car. She's trapped and she looks at Nick)
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Sarah.
Sean: (V/O as Sarah) Remember me for starring in The WB show Popular.
(Sarah's car explodes, killing her)
Detective Dunnigan: Nick, I'm sorry to have to do this now, but we got something here.
Detective Garza: We found this right outside the wall. Radio beacon. He sent an arming signal to the car bombs when they went through the gate.
Detective Dunnigan: Security said they checked every car before anyone got in.
Detective Garza: They didn't check the gas tanks. Real precuse stuff, too.
"Again, how the hell did Clyde manage to pull that off when he was sitting in prison? He's gotta have someone working with him as well." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick and Jonas go see the Mayor, played by Viola Davis, to talk to her about the Clyde Shelton situation. Her response to this...
Mayor (Played by Viola Davis): You boys sure fucked this one up.
"That's my initial reaction to watching Suicide Squad. I'm talking about David Ayer's Suicide Squad, not James Gunn's The Suicide Squad." Sean said.
Mayor: The press is going to kill us. Can someone explain this to me?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: We can't yet.
(The Mayor looks at Nick for a bit before turning her attention to Jonas)
Mayor: How did this get away from you, Jonas?
Jonas Cantrell: It's complicated, April. He's very smart. He's very angry.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: We assume he has an accomplice helping him on the outside.
Mayor: I'm not having this conversation. I don't care how smart he is or who's helping him.
"I mean, I didn't get away with murder for nothing just to become Mayor of this city." Sean said, imitating the Mayor.
Sean: (Narrating) The Mayor assigns security to Nick and Jonas to make sure nothing happens to them. With the cops sending his family away to a safe place. We see that Nick and Dunnigan have a little private chat with Clyde outside of the prison.
Clyde Shelton: You should have taken my deal.
(Nick punches Clyde and starts beating him)
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Bitch! Six fucking innocent people! Is that how you want to play this? Huh? Huh?
Clyde Shelton: It's okay, Nick. I know you're angry. That's good. That's what it takes. That's how it has to be.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: What if I said you was right and I was wrong? What if I had said "Let's take him trial," huh?
Clyde Shelton: Then I would say you're making progress.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: And we might've lost! And Ames and Darby would both go free. Don't you get that?
"I guess it's necessary for a lawyer to beat up on a criminal. I thought it was a cop's job to do it. And immediately, Nick turned into friggin' Batman." Sean said.
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: I keep my head up. And you will end this.
(Clyde spits out blood)
Clyde Shelton: I'm just getting warmed up. This is von Clausewitz shit. Total fucking war. I'm going to pull the whole thing down. I'm going to bring the whole fucking diseased, corrupt temple down on your head. It's gonna be biblical.
"And I'm talkin' about real wrath of God-type stuff. Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies. Rivers and seas boiling!" Sean exclaimed, imitating Clyde.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick and Jonas mourn the loss of Sarah at her funeral and while they're leaving, we see that someone is controlling a weaponized bomb disposal robot that ends up shutting down Nick's car, but it shoots at Jonas' car in the process.
(Nick sees that Jonas' car has been shot up)
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Jonas! (He gets out of the car) Jonas! Jonas!
Detective Dunnigan: No, Nick. No.
(We cut to Jonas and we see that he's wounded badly. Then, the robot fires a rocket at Jonas' car, killing him)
"Okay, that guy used a bomb disposal robot and they weaponized it with a machine gun and a rocket launcher. That is the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life!" Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick goes the Mayor and she's pissed that he didn't handle the situation. So when Nick tells her that he's resigning, she's not going to allow that because she is promoting him to District Attorney. Afterwards, the Mayor puts the city on lockdown. Dunnigan calls Nick to tell him that Clyde is saving him for last and while he's talking to him, he gets an email from Sarah's boyfriend Chester, and the email regards to Clyde's expenses and he learns that Clyde owned an auto garage and him and Dunnigan check out the place.
(Dunnigan sees Nick pulling out a crowbar)
Detective Dunnigan: Uh, are you going to do what I think you're going to do? What about his civil rights?
Nicholas "Nick" Rice: Fuck his civil rights.
"I don't care if he's King Leonidas, I don't even care that this is Sparta." Sean said, imitating Nick.
Sean: (Narrating) Nick and Dunnigan enter the auto shop to do some investigating until Nick comes across a Cadillac, and underneath the Cadillac is a hole that leads to a tunnel and that tunnel leads to a secret room fillled with guns, bombs, disguises, all that good stuff. Also, he tunneled into every cell and they learn that he wanted to be in solitary confinement. Jesus, that dude is crafty!
"And this is when the movie gets really good." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) They find a secret door that leads to Clyde's cell and they don't find him there and we see that Clyde escaped his cell and we see him disguised at a janitor. Not only that, but Clyde has tapped into every camera and Nick and Dunnigan learn that Clyde is planning his next kill at City Hall, so they head down there and they find a suitcase with a bomb in it. A napalm bomb that's triggered by a cell phone. Clyde heads back to his cell to watch the Mayor's meeting and he gets ready to kill her and everyone in City Hall with the bomb. And just as he heads into his cell, he finds Nick waiting for him and Nick is armed with a gun so he can get ready to kill him. Nick tells him that Clyde was behind this the whole time.
"And remember when I said that this movie is getting really good? Well, this is where people have complaints about the ending." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) We see that Nick is trying to talk Clyde out of killing the Mayor, but as Clyde gets ready to activate the suitcase bomb, Nick leaves his cell and locks it behind him, which leads to Clyde's demise. And the movie ends with Nick attending his daughter's recital with his wife.
"Now, I know that a lot of people have a problem with the ending. But I'm gonna say this, I kinda enjoyed the ending." Sean said.
Sean: (Narrating) Now, I know what you'r thinking, "Sean, what have you been smoking?". Yes, I know that we want to see our villain succeeding in his plan by destroying the system. Yeah, we would all love to see that. Hell, if I wanted to make the ending better where the villain wins, you could have Clyde blowing up City Hall, then you have him kill Nick, Dunningan and Garza in the process. You have him go after Nick's wife and daughter and he kills them as well the same way Darby killed his wife and daughter. But it's a little much.
"But then again, Nick foiled Clyde's plan and killed him... and of course the other inmates in that prison. He's going to live with that for the rest of his life." Sean said.
(Clips from the movie are shown once more)
Sean: (Narrating) And that was Law Abiding Citizen, it's has it's ups and downs, it has some silly moments, but I happen to enjoy it. You got some great acting. The performances of Gerard Butler and Jamie Foxx were pretty good and Butler playing a badass villain. It's got some creative kills and the twist at the end, people like it, people don't like, I didn't mind the ending. I mean, it's pretty out there, but not enough to make the film suck. It's a great film that shows us the flaws in the system and it also shows us the consequences for challenging the system. If you haven't seen the or yet heard of it, then go check it out. Law Abding Citizen comes in at 4 t-bone shanks out of 5.
"I'm Sean the Mayhem Critic and all this talk about steak is making me hungry." Sean said before he leaves the room.
Mayhem Critic Tagline- Fuck you and your pommes frites.
And that was the review of Law Abiding Citizen. So what did you think of the review? Did you enjoy it? And what were your thought about the movie and the ending? Did you like the ending? Did you not like the ending? Was it a mixed bag? I would love to hear your thoughts about it. Next time on The Mayhem Critic, here are two films to choose from for me me to review:
1. Explorers: Sean the Mayhem Critic and Chad Knight review the 1985 Sci-Fi adventure comedy that gained a cult following.
2. Alien 3: Sean reviews the one Alien film that he hated, aside from Alien: Resurrection. Will he strike vengeance upon it?
Which movie would you like for me to review next? Make sure you leavea review for the chapter, follow this story for future updates and add it to your favorites. If you would like to do a co-review with me, feel free to PM me if you're intersted. I'll see you guys next time. Till next time, my fellow readers.