*October 10th, 1982

*Midnight

*Spencer Residence

I had trouble falling asleep tonight. Not because of my heart but because of a dream I had.

A dream about my mother.

I wasn't as sad as I expected to be. I think I was just happy to see her again, even though I knew she died 10 years ago.

She asked me how I had been lately and how dad was. I told her about how all the medical procedures and routines were all so exhausting, how dad had changed from the carefree man he once was, and then of course Dennis.

She sat there and listened to me vent and her smile faded when she saw how frustrated and melancholy I was. I think I even saw her tear up a bit when she heard me mention dad.

When it was the three of us my dad wanted me to do so many different things everyday. We had cookouts nearly every weekend, we visited parks after school, and of course traveled on winter and summer breaks. Then mom died and it was like she sucked all the joy out of our lives.

Dad rarely smiled after that and his grip on me tightened so suffocatingly. I was never allowed to do anything and the only reason I can excercise sometimes is because one of my doctors pulled dad aside and told him how important it was for me. But even with that I know deep down that I hardly have any freedom. I wish sometimes he understood that losing him has been harder on me than losing mom because at least back then we were happy.

Mom did her best to give me words of comfort and cheer me up like she always used to. Even though I was born with my heart she never treated me any different despite going through the same thing herself. She just wanted me to be a normal kid that she loved deeply.

Maybe one day that can be me too.

When the hard conversations were done she eventually asked me how my piano skills were being honed. But when I told her I haven't touched a piano in years, she looked at me like her heart had been stabbed.

Playing the piano had been our thing and dad never really took the time to find me a new teacher. She wanted piano playing to be passed down throughout the generations. I could understand why it hurt her that I haven't played in a long time.

She eagerly told me that I should just practice in my own free time and maybe I could slowly remember the few lessons she taught me. When I told her I would do my best she told me she was proud of me and the dream ended.

I had been so caught up in my current life that I practically forgot about my dreams. I once dreamed about becoming a famous pianist but I knew why I didn't pursue it. Now at 17 the dream felt nearly impossible without the one person who could have taught me how to play.

But then a desire grew inside me. A desire to change what I had gotten used to and start to live for myself for once. Maybe that's why I dreamed about mom so I could hear the one person who would have supported me with anything. So with my newfound determination I slipped out of bed, put on my slippers and tiptoed upstairs to the attic.

I sighed in annoyance that the attic light wasn't working so I went back downstairs to find the rechargeable flashlight in the kitchen. Once I made sure the battery was charged enough I headed back to the attic.

It was still as musty and dusted as I remember, probably even more than I had seen last time I was up here. I saw a lot of dad's old record tapes and a record player just stowed away neatly in a box. I cautiously stepped across the room being careful not to wake up my dad, who was sleeping soundly in his room downstairs.

It didn't take long before I found what I had been looking for. My mother's old piano.

Her 1970 Yamaha piano was leaning next to the small attic window that didn't let in much moonlight, with a bedsheet placed neatly over it. I eagerly yanked it off and I was greeted with a large cloud of dust. I coughed as quietly as possible to myself and paused to make sure I had not blown my cover. When I heard nothing but silence I sighed in relief and dusted off the piano stool before taking a seat.

This was the last piano she was able to buy before...well 2 years later. The last music sheets she touched was still where she last left it. Like it was placed here in her last moments in time and forgotten for the past decade. If I looked close enough I swear I could still see the fingerprints where she last touched it.

I opened the piano lid slowly and cautiously and was relieved to see the keys were still clean. I wanted to play a song that I could sort of remember but when I brought my hand to the keys I froze.

Tears started coming down my face and I started to doubt myself and my abilities to play. It's been so long what if I couldn't do it? I swallowed the lump in my throat and wiped the tears out of my eyes.

That's when I remembered the first lesson my mom taught me. I could still remember what she said word for word.

"It's okay if you're nervous sweetie. It took me a long time to learn how to play and sometimes I forget some of the songs I play nearly every day. You get better with practice trust me. Let's start with learning the notes and when you feel ready we can start playing some of the easier songs. Place your hand here. Very good honey. This note is G then A and B. Play GAB until you memorize the three keys. Okay? Ready? G-A-B!"

I placed my hand on the exact spot she said years ago and played G-A-B. Cheery notes rang through the room but not loud enough for anyone to hear. I smiled at how the notes made me relax and ring throughout the room while I played them over and over.

"Those three notes are just 3 notes of one my favorite songs; Mary Had a Little Lamb. When you feel more comfortable playing you can add the B note and eventually I can teach you how to play the song."

"Thanks mommy." I said like I was still talking to her and a single tear came down my cheek.

Almost like it was second nature I remembered which note was B and I played Mary Had a Little Lamb to myself.

I smiled as the notes filled me up with joy and the memories came flooding back of my mom teaching me and how proud she was that I slowly improving every day. I would smile back at her, grinning from ear to ear and say things like...

"Look mommy I'm doing it."

"Are you proud of me?"

"So proud. You are going to be the world's best pianist yet."

I laughed to myself even though tears were pouring down my face. I ignored them and played like I never forgot how. I was so caught up with the ivories that I didn't realize the song was over until it was.

When the song ended it was almost like I broke out of a trance and all my happiness was leaving with it.

"Great job Octavia. Next week we can play a bit of Beethoven's Fur Elise if you'd like."

"I'd love to mom."

"Great baby! I can't wait to teach you. This song is just so beautiful."

"I can't wait to learn."

"Do you want to show your father your piano skills?"

"Yes!"

"Okay sweetie let's go get him."

That was the last time I ever played this piano.

I couldn't take the memories anymore and I bursted out sobbing right in front of the piano. I didn't care how long I was sitting there I just cried and cried until I couldn't anymore. Even though the tears had stopped my throat still felt tight and I sniffled quietly to myself.

"Oh mom...I'm sorry I stopped playing. I promise to find some way to learn how to play again and one day I'll be really good at playing the piano. I promise."

I know I wasn't talking to anyone but I could just feel like a part of her was just there with me still. And she was telling me she knows I could do it like she always used to say.

~

I went back to school next week eager to keep my promise to learn how to play piano again. I joined a piano club without telling my dad because believe it or not he actually forbade me from playing ever again. His reason was so he wouldn't remember mother.

I just didn't care anymore and I shouldn't have to give up a dream just because mom loved to play and she always believed in me to learn. I lied to dad and told him I was taking more afterschool tutoring and he just believed me. Honestly I did feel bad for lying to him but one day I would come clean to him and make him understand why I wanted to do this so badly. Until then this has to be a secret too.

Besides I needed a elective anyways and since sports was out of the question and government was boring all that was left was music. I even made some friends with the other girls in my piano club and there was four of us in toral.

They had been practicing just around the same time I was learning about 12 years ago. So they had years of experience ahead of me while I was newly getting back into the saddle. They were still super patient with me and helped me learn by giving me some tips along the way.

The girls names were Josephine, Ida, and Jennifer. Like me they also liked books but found different genres interesting. For example, Josephine loved romance books, Ida loved auto-biography, and Jennifer loved mystery novels. While I loved fiction and fairytales, and my favorite book of all time was Alice in Wonderland.

I could relate to Alice in a way, how she felt lost and alone and stood out in a confusing world. Trying to find her way back home and maneuvering through all the confusion. While all the nonsensical elements intrigued me and left me wondering what a world like that would be like at least sometimes.

But then again it's only fantasy. At least she has something normal to return back to.

While I kept the piano club a secret from my dad, Dennis was over the moon and fully supported my desicion to play. The girls had boyfriends of their own but would admit to me they were a little envious of how Dennis was so supportive of me even though we weren't even officially dating yet.

Their boyfriends knew about their playing but weren't really all that invested in why they wanted to learn or even show a fraction of support. Meanwhile Dennis would sit next to me and move his head along to the rhythm.

I was playing a steady high note melody and smiled proudly as the notes sounded like a ballerina was tipping her toes fast to the floor like needles. Dennis was sat next to me and looked at me with an impressed look. I smiled at him and blushed slightly that he was here to support me.

"Nice scales Octavia."

"Wow you actually have been paying attention to how it works. Now I'm impressed."

"Of course. I know how important this is to you and I also know it makes you happy. So I'm just happy that you're able to do this. And even more that you want to share all this with me."

"Dennis your support is all that want. andit'swhatIneedtoo..."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Riiigggghhhtttt..."

Dennis said with a giggle as he sauntered closer to me and rubbed his knee against mine. I felt my cheeks burn hot and I tried to focus on the keys.

"You know you're even more beautiful when you're in your element like this."

"Dennis...Stahp!"

I laughed as I gave him a playful shove away.

"Hey!"

"Enough Dennis Kim. I'm trying to focus."

"Okay okay I'll stop now. But I demand full compensation later."

"Oh no. What do I have to do?" I said as I moved my hands along the keyboard to play a more somber yet dramatic song.

"Hehehhahahaha, Octavia it's not that serious. I just want to kiss you after you're done practicing."

I smiled smugly at him before leaning over and planting a sweet kiss on his lips.

"Should that tide you over for now?"

"Maybe..."

Dennis said as he placed his hand over mine on the keyboard. One look at him was more than enough for me to forget about playing and wanting nothing else but to kiss him.

We both leaned towards each other and planted passionate kisses on each other's lips. When we wrapped our arms around each other I caught a whiff of a new scent on his shoulders and I stopped kissing him to get a better smell of it.

"What are you doing?"

"Are you wearing cologne?"

"A little. Do you like it?"

"I do. It reminds me of a bundle of evergreen trees in the forrest."

"Well I do like a more nature kind of scent. Nothing too perfumey."

"Perfumey? Dennis that is not a word in the english dictionary."

"What? It totally is."

"No it isn't."

"Do you wanna make a bet on it?"

"Sure. If you win and it's in there I'll give you five bucks."

"And if you win?"

"You will grant me 15 uninterrupted minutes of piano practice. I really need to learn and no hand holding until after the time is up."

"Alright you're on."

We both laughed as went to school library to find a dictionary. I was full expecting to win the bet when I was surprised to see it really was on there. Dennis smiled smugly at me as I re-read the definition of it over and over again.

"Does it count if it's an adjective?"

"Octavia."

"Fine I give up. You were right, it is on here. Darn and I was really counting on winning that bet." I said as I begrudgingly handed Dennis 5 dollars.

"I'll be lenient and let you keep it and even let you have the uninterrupted minutes on the piano."

"Wait really?"

"Yes because I know you really want to learn."

"Aww Dennis..."

I pulled him in for a kiss and he laughed in his throat.

"Well maybe I should let you do more things more often. Just so you could kiss me like that again."

"Dennis!" I laughed as I swatted his arm.

"That wouldn't be fair to you."

Dennis smiled as he reached for my hand and pulled me in for a kiss. I instinctively put my hands on his cheeks and deepened the kiss. He placed his hands over mine and he laughed a bit like he could tell I was blushing hard. Eventually we pulled apart but we still held each other's hands.

"I just like doing things for you as long as they make you happy."

"You already do that and more."

Dennis chuckled at me and planted a kiss on my forehead. I giggled quietly before we headed back to the piano room hand in hand.