"Is water wet?"
"... What?"
"Is water wet?" Virgil restated.
"Well, no. The majority of scientists agree that wetness is a liquid's ability to maintain contact with a solid surface, so by that definition, water makes things wet, but water is not wet."
"So water can't make itself wet because water is a liquid, but it could make ice wet because ice is a solid."
"Correct."
"And what about other definitions?"
"Some people define wet as being 'liquid or made of moisture' but in that case nothing other than liquid or moisture would be wet and that definition wouldn't apply to what the liquid or moisture was touching which would make it a very hard word to use and obviously is not in the spirit of the meaning when someone says something else is wet."
"Yeah, that wouldn't make sense."
"Indeed."
"So if I put my hand in some water, I couldn't say that it's wet."
"Well you could say 'it's wet', but 'it' would be your hand and not the water."
"Well that was a lot more straightforward than I thought it would be."
"Indeed."
"... So is a hot dog a sandwich?"
"I'm not having this conversation with you."
"Do you believe in cube theory?"
"I'm walking away."
"Logan! It's important!" Virgil said oh so seriously with a shit eating grin and humorous lilt.
Logan turned around and hissed, very poorly, honestly.
"Did- Did you just hiss at me?"
"It seemed very effective when you did it."
"I- It could use some work."
"Really?"
"Yeah, you should hiss a bit farther forward in your mouth."
"Like this?" Logan tried again, sounding more like a cat and less like a cat whose voice was garbled because it was drowning.
"Just like that!"
"I see. Thank you for the invaluable information."
"Oh, uh, yeah." Virgil looked down and scratched the back of his neck, trying to hide the rising heat. "No problem." When he looked back up, Logan was no longer there. "Invaluable… I wonder what he'll use that for…"
-
"Oh, Logan! Virgil!" Roman called. "I have something I just absolutely need you two to look over! It's a personal project, but of utmost importance."
Virgil didn't move from where he was lounging with his feet on Logan's lap scrolling through Tumblr, but Logan looked up from his book. And hissed.
"I- Did… you just hiss at me?!"
Virgil quickly looked at Logan then back to Roman and did the same.
"I- I just can't with you right now. I'm telling Patton not to leave you two alone together anymore."
They both snickered as Roman briskly walked away, presumably to tell on them. Worth it.