Content Warning:

I've almost never had to do this before, so I'm going to put it here and now. This story contains harsh language, slurs, and talk about heavy sexual themes though I'll do my best to not SHOW any of such things in the story. I want this story to be an exploration of not only unlikely friendships and redemption, but also to try and plug up what I saw as some little holes in the show that I love...but still find very, VERY flawed.

If you feel trapped, uncertain, unhappy, depressed about who you are, it's VERY important you get help and talk to people you trust, or a professional, ideally.

It is NEVER to late to change for the better if you truly want to, and truly try to.

I believe that with all of my heart.

Take care of yourselves. And be good to one another.

He had never…EVER done this before. And now…now he was beginning to think it was a bad idea.

There were plenty of angels who had been asked by Adam the Asshole to take part in extermination of Hell's hordes…but it had all been on the down low. None of the higher-ups really knew about what Adam asked of people. Most would have been openly or at least privately disgusted with the idea.

Yes, they were terrified of Hell. Beyond anything else. YES, Hell had such high numbers already that if they got their shit together, Heaven would be fucked. But…even so…the eradication of demons in Hell on the level that was asked seemed very wrong.

"This seems Unchristian." Was the most common refrain from angels who objected, and the one who did this the most was one of the ONLY archangels that Adam had convinced to join in…the angel of Hope, and Dreams. He was one who guided souls right up into Heaven. It'd been incredibly difficult to get him to join. After all, Remiel preferred the gentle touch, to tenderly ferry souls up past those pearly gates, and beyond into Heaven where they could receive their just reward for a good life. He even walked among the humans on Earth as a charming young specimen named Staccato, named after his short, but sweet little laugh.

But Adam had kept talking about the clear, obvious danger of Hell in a world where you could damn yourself in a minute thanks to social media. Where isolation, cruelty and sin spread swiftly online. It was a cruel thing…but necessary. Come along with us. See what they're like down there, and you won't see any remorse or regret for their actions, Adam had kept insisting.

Thing was, at first…he believed Adam. He'd tried to actually offer some mercy to the first demons he saw, giving the regular pleading spiel. "Repent thee, of your sins. Repent for your wrongdoing, and I promise you will be spared." he had told a small assembly of demons who were hanging around what seemed like a deadly-looking pimp-like demon dressed up in a red top hat, a very big, fluffy, white-furred-at-the-end pimp suit. Ringed, gloved, clawed hands, a cane…ugggghhhh. What an ugly specimen. Nasty.

"...boys…kill him a LOT." The suit-wearing demon had said as he stepped back. Now, his fellow men nervously glanced at one another, obviously thinking "uh, we're probably gonna die". But instead of running, or begging for mercy, or anything like that…they'd all tore at Remiel with screaming, furious roars of-

"WE'LL TEACH YOU, FAGGOT!"

…needless to say, any sympathy Remiel had had went right out the window. He was about halfway through using the biggest, faintly shark-like demon as a saw to forcibly cut through the barely-still-living frame of a cockroach-like demon to make sure he was REALLY dead when he'd had the pimp-like demon leaping on him. He'd actually managed to get through his shiny silvery armor! It'd sort of been his fault. He was SO mad he had dropped the spear he'd had and was using his bare hands to do his work when it happened! He'd been stabbed in the back through the gut!

BUT…Remiel had gotten him back. He'd literally managed to whip around and do a classic "3 Stooges". POW! He'd poked the demon's eyes out. Or rather, almost had. The demon howled in agony, clutching at his eyes. They'd ALMOST been pulled out and now he was reeling back and shrieking in agony as Remiel took off at top speed through the back alleys of Hell, too weak to fly away…

The world had been getting dark and cold, when he'd collapsed, faintly aware of a blue, taloned foot approaching. He looked up from the alleyway he laid in, a faintly reptilian imp glancing down at him. Reddish horns and underbelly/chest, a bladed tail, scaly body, three-digited, orange-gloved hands with a little scarf to match as red eyes gazed quietly down at him…

He was dead for sure. Absolutely 100 percent…

He remembered nothing more.

…

…

…

…he awoke in a house, his body being wrapped in bandages as the imp sighed. "Don't move. You've got massive internal bleeding, I had to cauterize the wound but I think I did it just in time so your body can focus on healing." The imp said. Its voice sounded very youthful, and faintly annoying, with a slight reptilian undergrowl. It oozed a sense of cocksure attitude mixed with an oddly gentle softness that now was clearly shining from his eyes. He smiled softly with his fanged grin, patting Remiel on the shoulder as he stepped off, heading for the nearby kitchen.

Remiel was inside of an apartment, a rather big one too. Soft blue walls, a crystal chandelier up top. His closets were overflowing with a wide variety of clothing of many colors, mostly green and orange, and there were big stained glass windows on the walls that overlooked the streets below. The floors had soft carpeting, and a warm, delectable scent wafted from the kitchen as the imp brought in what was clearly a nice bit of garlic bread.

"Here, eat up." he offered, giving a plate of garlic bread, and a small glass of chocolate milk to go with it. Remiel examined the offering, then took it nervously.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Well, for one, you almost gouged Valentino's eyes out. He'll probably need glasses forever." The imp said with a VERY large grin. "Greatest day of my life. But more importantly…you needed it." he added as Remiel munched on the garlic bread, which was nice and buttery. "My name's Snizzi." he remarked as he held out his hand. Remiel shook it quietly, sipping from the chocolate milk. "Welcome to my place."

"It's a nice place." Remiel confessed. "Far swankier than a normal imp's home. How do you afford it? Or is there no, like, rent in Hell?"

"We got PLENTY of landlords!" The imp laughed. "Rent's as high as it gets but me, personally, I was GIVEN the place. I've got a very important job. I work at the gates of Hell. Call me the Demonic Saint Peter." Snizzi said. "I go by another title…The Emperor."

Remiel almost choked on his chocolate milk. Oh yes. He knew about the Emperor. He chose where you went to in the Circles of Hell. One of many judges like King Minos or Cerberus. Yes, Virginia. Not all dogs go to Heaven!

"It's a good gig. I think I'm a very fair ol' judge…I mean, by comparison to some of the kung fucker chickenshits on the board." Snizzi added with a shrug. "For one, Cerberus is waaaaay too into sentencing felines. King Minos also likes to put HIS victims on a rack when he can't quite decide. "Round and round you go, where you stop, nobody knows". It looks agonizing." He commented as he took the now-empty-glass from Remiel and brought it to his kitchen. "It's sad when having a spike shoved up your butt and out your mouth is the SECOND WORST thing to happen to you today…"

"Are you LIKE King Minos? A former human?"

"Well…" Snizzi slightly hesitated but then shook his head. "Well, no. No, I'm not." he remarked as Remiel stared in surprise at him. "You probably still need healing though. Look, hide here in my apartment until the next Extermination. You can sneak back to Heaven when they come back…" The blue-and-red Imp remarked. "Just don't leave the apartment and uh…" he looked at Remiel, clearly wanting to ask a question.

"Yes, go on. Ask."

"How'd you hide your wings?" He wanted to know. "And what does it feel like, having them?"

"I can hide them easily. It's a matter of mind over matter. And as for having them it feels like…" Remiel hesitated before he spoke up again. "It feels as natural as having your arms. Only I can feel them around my shoulder region instead. It takes focus to hide them but not TOO much." He added. "Is it like that for your tail?"

"Yes, I can't withdraw this, though." Snizzi held his tail up and tapped the bladed edge of his tail. "It means I need to be really careful when I walk through a crowd or the like." He added. "And it also doesn't help a lot when I play a game. My tail will get all twitchy and swish about and I'll scuff up the floor…" He confessed with a cringe coming over his reptilian-like face.

Remiel found a smile coming to his face. This demon wasn't so bad. He'd never thought a denizen of Hell could be so nice. Snizzi looked up at the clock on the wall, a rather old-fashioned one that looked like it'd been tossed out of a school. It was slightly cracked, but still functioning, and he gulped. "Crap! I'm going to be late for work if I don't leave right now. See you later!" He said, barreling out the door, slamming the door shut as he took off down the street.

The blue imp bounded through the air, bouncing off of street signs, soaring across the skies of Hell as he used awnings and umbrella'd tables outside of restaurants to aid him. He tucked and rolled, rolled, rolled, right down a long hill, finally sweeping up, and THWOOOOSH! Was launched through the air once more when he hit a manhole that a demon was opening up to peer out-

THAA-THWANK! The demon in the sewer got knocked back, angrily yelling at the blue imp as he shook his fist, crawling back up to the street. "You stupid prick!" He screeched as Snizzi landed, at last, at his destination…the palace of the one…the only…Lucifer. Mr Morningstar himself! Blonde, fancy, swirly hair under a big white top hat, a noseless face, skin smooth as a baby's bottom with rosy cheeks. He retained so much of his original beauty from when he was an angel, it was unmistakable to see, but…all of it was "off". His skin now a bit too pale. His eyes seemed to have an edge to them. His skin just a hint too pale, and…slightly sharper teeth.

He laid in his chair, leisurely draped over it as he was having an ADORABLE little long-haired kiddo peer over the top of said chair as she climbed on top. He swigged some wine from a cup, as what was clearly his daughter looked around at the assembled demons and devils before him at the round table, though NONE of them there had as fancy a chair as him, as plush and big and ornate in its trimmings.

"It's take your daughter to work day, so…meet my adorable lil' Charlie!" Lucifer remarked, as he noticed the many staring faces of the demons. Charlie noticed Snizzi approaching, sitting next to Lucifer since it was his usual seat…it even had his name on the back and everything, a nice little white placard made that clear.

"Bluuuuuue!" Charlie gazed at Snizzi in awe. Out of all the people there…he looked so much different than the others. His body was, after all, considerably more bulkier in design, his obvious animalistic traits more clear. And above all, NOBODY else at the table was blue like him.

King Minos was a cold grey color, his eyes brown, yet hollow as he wore a fancy golden crown that had faded. His body had nasty spider veins running through it, oozing around from his fingertips and glowing under the skin, with a tail sliding out above his butt. He never went without his thick toga, and he had a very large nose to boot. His skin appeared scaly, too, and he seemed to be always flaking! At the moment he was putting aloe vera on, grumbling in irritation.

Anubis had asked to switch seat positions with another, the jackal-headed god had waiting patiently for Charlie…having smelled her coming in. He'd been the first to arrive and she'd rewarded him with LOTS of pets atop his black-furred head. He had a black nose, sharp fangs in his maw, and a well-built body that was still lean and mean, with a very fancy Egyptian loincloth, a strap that held his walking stick onto his back, and deep golden eyes as he looked over at Snizzi. "Ah, you came just in time. Good. We can begin!"

Mictlāntēcutli giggled in a nasty way. His head was a skeletal one, with glowing reddish-pupil-having, overly large eyes in the sockets! He wore a headdress with owl feathers on that skull, paper banners streaming from it, and a necklace of human eyeballs. He had earspools embedded in his head as well…made of human bone. They KNEW it wasn't HIS bones because his bones were a charred, blackened color, his skin red to boot. Not an ounce of white could be found on him save for those bony earspools and his overly large eyes that gazed at Charlie hungrily…

Hel sat next to him, and she would have been pretty if not for her dead-looking, grey/blue skin. She had tribal armbands and leg bands, with Viking tattoos embedded on her arms. She wore a skimpy, sleeveless shirt and sandals, with a tribal covering atop her head, her ponytail tied off into multiple segments that slid down her back. Hel also had pure black fingernails, and yet her eyes were pink. "About time, you were almost late AGAIN…wanting to be fashionably late, imp?" She playfully intoned as Snizzi smiled back at her. He found her young, pepper voice very charming!

Chitragupta sat not far from her, looking over a large notebook. He scribbled down in it with a quill, having whitish/pink skin, with a charming mustache and big smile. He was tubby, very fat indeed, and wore baggy yellow pants and a pink vest, but otherwise didn't wear any clothing at all. His hair was so messy too, sliding down over his head, getting in his eyes. Sometimes he had to blow up to make the hair slide out of his vision. "Are we going to discuss the strange lack of sinners coming down lately at this month's meeting?" He inquired.

King Yama snorted, the enormously bulging-muscle-having, black-skinned demon putting his cigar out. PSSSSSSH. Right in his ashtray. He had a very spiky crown, and bulging, overly large red eyes behind a small pair of glasses, his body straining at the tight red suit he wore. He had an enormously thick beard too, so much so that you could SEE lice and fleas and other animals didn't just live there…they were THRIVING! It was creepy. They kept popping their heads out of his beard…a few even waved!

His half brother King Enma was red-skinned and just as bulky and big. His suit was black in color, and he had more hair up top than his brother. It was a large mane, thick and mighty, and he was drinking from a big wine flask. GLUG GLUG GLUG. "They don't make sinners like they used to. Pantywaists." He grumbled.

A harsh, sickening laugh rang out as they all cringed. Charlie gulped a bit, Camazotz the bat judge in the middle of munching on what HAD been some unfortunate. "Be right with you, pendejo! Would you like some? I've got some fries to go with these thighs. And best of all, they're low in trans fat!" He added, showing off his sharp-fanged jaws. He had skeletal wings, a red body with black, fiery eyes, sharp pointed nails, and wore next to nothing save a loincloth, and very beautifully-carved jewelry that hung from his neck and his large, pointed ears…and a belly button stud to boot, with…well…underneath the loincloth were two human skulls over his balls as decoration.

"Dude, put that away, there's a little kid here." Snizzi insisted as he adjusted himself in his seat. Charlie was now hiding nervously behind her father as Lucifer slowly put his glass down and gave Camazotz a dark look.

"I don't mind you…indulging. But NOT when my daughter's around." he commented. "Lose the thigh."

Camazotz tossed it out the window. "Cabron! You happy?" He grumbled. "Hostia puta…"

"You're so BLUE!" Charlie said as he looked Snizzi up and down, poking his scaly body as Lucifer looked over a notebook loaded up with the various sinners that had been sent to Hell that month.

"Yes, I'm…I'm very blue."

"Yeah, and so are all his friends the Emperor Imp takes home. He blue them!" Mictlāntēcutli laughed as quite a few others at the table began to guffaw and snort, Snizzi turning VERY red in the face. Lucifer raised an eyebrow up, but he ALMOST snorted as well, barely managing to suppress his laughter.

"What weak stock we have…and so little. Look at this. The sin of Insurance fraud is at the top of the list this month. INSURANCE FRAUD!" Lucifer sighed. "Where's the pizzazz? The spectacle? The creativity? It's so boring!"

"Like I said…" King Enma snorted. "They don't make sinners like they used to. Bunch of wimps."

"Back in MY day we had people who'd do fantastically dark ritual sacrifices to Satan…ohhh, what good times it was to torture them when they came down." Lucifer wistfully intoned.

"Yes, I remember sir. I got a lot of leeway out of the…um…the "You Know What Guillotine"." Snizzi added with a firm nod.

"You're lucky you got the job you did or you'd have been put INTO it!" Chitragupta said as he pushed his hair out of his vision once more as Snizzi covered his face with one gloved hand.

"I've NEVER once even TRIED to…" He mumbled under his breath. He was feeling VERY warm all of a sudden as Charlie gently patted his shoulder.

"You okay? You don't look so hot."

"I'm just…it's been a long week and I'm tired." He mumbled back at her. "It's very sweet of you to ask, Ms. Morningstar, your father clearly raised you very well."

"Well, I'm glad SOMEONE's kind enough to compliment my parenting skills, my wife sure isn't…" Lucifer sighed sadly as he looked over at Charlie and pointed at the VERY large bar which was set up at the far west side of the room, with a rather young, almost cute-looking dog-like bartender cleaning out a mug. "Sweetie, why don't you go to the "kiddie" section of the bar there? We've got Shirley Templeeeees!" His daughter beamed and trotted over to him as Lucifer sighed. "She's a really sweet thing. But she doesn't have my good sense. She feels too bad for the sinners."

"Sounds like she takes after her father." Anubis said quietly, gently as Lucifer slightly stiffened and then pinched the space between his eyes.

"...she'll learn one day that people will disappoint you." He commented. "If they DIDN'T, there wouldn't be a need for Hell, now would there?"

"Why do you think there's been such a low influx of sinners lately? And why such…weak sins?" King Yama inquired as they all looked around at one another. "What's happening up on Earth?"

"There must be SOMETHING we're missing…" Lucifer looked over the very large notebook filled with the list of current affairs, quickly swiping through the pages. FWIP FWIP FWIP FWIP! His eyes poured over it until they widened. "Wait. Wait, I think I see something." He murmured. "There's an outbreak of some kind of PLAGUE up there. It's not as fatal as others, but it IS very contagious. If I had to make a guess…these lowlifes are taking advantage of the plague to bilk people out of everything they're worth."

"How LAME!" Snizzi moaned. "I almost wish we'd go back to the folks doing ritual murders. At least when you stabbed them up their butts you felt good doing it."

"Yeah, I'm sure you'd love to get right up their culos!" Camaztoz guffawed as the table began to snicker and snigger, Snizzi frowning very deeply at him as he chuckled darkly in Spanish."Todo el mundo aquí sabe que te encantaría tener sexo con esa niña-"

"You wanna GO, bat?" He quietly asked. "Step outside. Let's see how tough you are when you can't fly."

"I can fly just fine, pendejo. Are you blind as well as dumb?" Camazotz snorted.

"You won't fly when I've eaten your wings off in barbeque sauce!" Snizzi hissed out, and before Camazotz knew it, Snizzi had tackled him right out of his chair. "PUTA MADRE!"

"Dios mio." Lucifer remarked with a raised eyebrow, as the others began to chant "FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT", Snizzi biting at Camazotz's wings, using his bladed tail to stab at him as Camazotz was rolling around, clawing at his back and at Snizzi's face with his clawed hands! He slammed the imp into the wall over and over, loud, hissing shrieks ringing out as Charlie cringed, hiding behind the bar as the bartender gave her drink an adorable pink umbrella…before reaching for the high-powered rifle below said bar.

"Sweetie, you might want to…cover your ears and eyes and sing VERY loudly while I handle this." He muttered.

"No, I…I'm a big girl. I can take it." Charlie nervously insisted as the bartender nodded and took aim with the rifle…

PA-POW POW POW POW!

"OW! OWWWW! OH DEAR LORD! OOOOOHH…"

"...HOW could you MISS?!"

"Oooooooh…you are SO fired, Husk!"

"...aw, damn."

…

…

…

…the next day, Remiel awoke to find Snizzi was in the shower and…singing. Singing Backstreet Boys. BACKSTREET BOYS.

"Everybooooody! Rock your body riiiight! Backstreet's back, alright!"

Remiel raised an eyebrow up as he laid on the couch, looking across the living room at the bathroom across the way. Even with the door closed, his singing rang loudly, echoing out through the apartment. He chuckled as he heard the imp's passionate but…frankly, oversinging…tune.

When the imp was finished he walked out of the bathroom and made his way towards the front door. "Got a long day of work! I'll see you later. I can order some Chinese food for us if you're up for it. Then maybe you'd like to play a little N64?" He added cheerily as Remiel shrugged.

"Yes, I…I would like that, yes." He confessed as the imp waved goodbye, then popped out the door, quickly closing and locking it behind him. It didn't take too long before a realization came to Remiel…he had the apartment to himself. He could look around…see what Snizzi's home life was like, get more clues about him.

So he got off the couch and went to the kitchen, fixing himself some more food from the cupboards, a nice, simple peanut butter sandwich and some more chocolate milk. In fact, Snizzi had quite a lot of chocolate milk, and string cheese, frozen food and pizzas, quite a BUNCH of candy in the cupboards and snack foods too…

Checking out the upstairs bedroom, it was LOADED with posters, all of famous acts from the 90's, ranging from Guns and Roses to Aerosmith to less "rock" ones like Oasis, Counting Crows, The Cranberries, a couple alternative rock bands too like Vertical Horizon, and some foreign acts like "Eurythmics" and "Icehouse" and "Great Big Sea". The bed had two big comforter blankets, big and blue and red respectively, and his desk had an enormous desktop PC on it with a few pictures on the side of…oh, how adorable! Sailor Moon! Cute. He was into anime girls, evidently.

Hmm. All things considered, as Remiel examined his book collection of "The Chronicles of Narnia" and "The Hardy Boys" and "Calvin and Hobbes" comics…his host was a childlike sort. Childlike and childISH.

That evening, Snizzi eventually came back, and had put in for an order for Chinese food as Remiel waited by the television, having helped to set up the Nintendo game system to play some classic "Super Mario Bros", the beloved NES platformer. He was having a real good time.

"Do you get to play this sort of thing up in Heaven?"

"We have the latest systems, sure. The Playstation, the Nintendo 64…we have plenty of amazing things up there." Remiel remarked. "Including rainbow sprinkles and…yes…sprinkles made out of rainbows for really special days like Christmas and the birthdays of the Seraphim."

"Wooooow. What does a rainbow taste like?" Snizzi asked, his eyes going wide as dinner plates as Remiel broadly grinned.

"Picture…an explosion of every wonderful flavor on your mouth. And it's not just that, it's a party where EVERYONE'S invited." Remiel confessed eagerly. "It's amazing!" He added. "You know I…" He hesitated. "...if…I could find a way to sneak some down here or…I dunno…sneak you up there for a little fun at MY place would you be up for it?" He sheepishly asked as Snizzi turned very red in the face.

"OH! Y-You'd do that for me?" He murmured. "Maybe we should find some place on Earth, it can be tricky to get there but it'd probably be safer overall, if you could find some way…"

"Sure. Let's pick a place on Earth to hide. I've got this little quaint town I like to go to in New England, hardly anyone knows about it."

And so, the days of good times ticked on. Remiel kept hidden in Snizzi's house, Snizzi brought in supplies, and they chatted, played, and hung out as the weeks went on. But then, three, four months after arriving in Hell, after watching a old, but hilariously bad 80's movie tossed out in someone's garbage that'd just gone RIGHT to Hell and both hungering for Dumpings, Remiel spoke up. "Hey…I wanted to ask…"

He took a deep breath…and found himself asking the question that kept popping up in his head.

"Why are you so…nice?"

Snizzi had just ended the call to the Chinese restaurant he was ordering from when he turned to look at Remiel, a slightly blank stare on his face.

"Huh?"

"You seem really, REALLY nice. Way too…innocent…to be a denizen of Hell. It goes beyond a sense of fairness, I can understand THAT mindset since you're supposed to be a judge, but…you're really, really kind to me. Why?" Remiel inquired.

"I…" Snizzi covered his face as he sat down in the couch across from Remiel, looking VERY red, flustered and…frankly, ashamed. "...I'm not…popular with…other demons and devils and denizens of Hell. I guess, part of me being nice to you was…I…I sort of…want a friend…" he murmured.

"Oh, I don't know why folks wouldn't like you. You seem pretty normal. Maybe a little childish but…" Remiel shrugged. "Considering the attitude of demons in Hell I don't see how liking human stuff that's nostalgic is that bad-"

"It's because I…I like girls." Snizzi mumbled out. "That's why they don't like me."

"What's wrong with being heterosexual? Is everyone in Hell gay or bisexual or-"

"No, no. I like…GIRLS."

"Anime girls?"

"No. As in…GIRLS. And…and BOYS. Not…not men and women." Snizzi groaned as he deeply, DEEPLY sank into the couch with a very aggravated, depressed moan as understanding finally sank into Remiel, who felt an icy shard pierce his heart.

"...wait…you…you're into…kids?" He asked, mouth agape.

"I'm not a former human, but…I was born on Earth. I'm the demonic embodiment of the elements of nature, but I needed a sort of host to be fully created. I was sprung off from a pre-teen boy, and…and that means my desires, my interests, they all reflect HIS!" Snizzi whimpered. "I'm into the same things he was! I like cute girls because he's 12 years old and MOST boys like cute girls like they see on TV, and playing Nintendo games and eating junk food and…with…um…a few…nice boys that…well, I wouldn't say "no" to if they wanted a date." He added with a deep, regretful groan.

Remiel didn't know what to say. What could he say? He just stood there, staring.

"It's so humiliating. I'm not a Sinner from Earth so the humans sent here don't trust me. But the demons and devils don't like me because I'm born FROM a human, and on top of that BOTH sides hate me because I'm attracted to pre-teens! So I just do my job and I stay away from everyone so I can't hurt nobody." he added as he kicked at the floor. "...I get it if you don't wanna be friends anymore."

"...I…I don't want THAT, I just…I don't know how to feel." Remiel murmured as he sat down next to Snizzi. Both laid on the couch, just looking across the room. It was dead quiet as they gripped their respective knees, slightly squeezing. The uncomfortable silence hung heavy in the air, so thick you could choke on it. What could EITHER of them say? Remiel wanted to say something comforting, words of hope, but…he found anything he could even halfway imagine dying in his throat. It all sounded so…hollow. He was, honestly, disgusted with Snizzi's tastes, and that was an absolutely reasonable thing to be!

But at the same time, it wasn't the demon's fault he was created that way. It was just an accident of nature. And he'd very clearly been trying to not act on it in any way.

"...I guess…there's no…shrinks down in Hell?"

"HA!" Snizzi laughed harshly. "Yeah, that'd be nice, but no. There's nobody down here to do head-shrinking."

"..." Remiel hesitated, he bit his lip. He chewed on it slowly. "...look, I…I'm not…good enough to help you fully get over the things you feel. I'm not smart enough or wise enough to…well…I can't say it's "fixing" you. It's not like you're broken, you're just born different." Remiel murmured. "And how you are is only hurting YOU right now. And I want to help you not hurt that way."

"There has to be some way I can not feel the way I feel about kids." Snizzi muttered.

"...look, there's…there's a few friends I know on Earth who might be able to help." Remiel confessed. "I mean, I'm the Archangel of Hope and Dreams, and dream analysis is a common psychological tack, so I know a FEW good psychologists who might be able to help." He remarked. "But we'd have to have you visit them in a way that nobody finds out that you're going to them." He added. "And…I think I might have a way we can do that…and a way we can chill out together." He realized. "Do demons dream?"

Snizzi beamed. "...tell me more…"

…

…

…

… "I'm sorry, but…what?"

"Could you give him a counseling session?"

Dr. Sidney Freeman adjusted his cap, looking up from the chair that he sat in. He couldn't believe she was staring at an angel…AND an imp.

"You want me to give a denizen of Hell…a counseling session…to deal with issues of sexual repression and attraction to minors."

"Sir, yes, sir." Remiel politely requested. "If you'd be so kind?"

"You want me counseling a demon...in my dreams." He commented dryly.

"...please?" Snizzi politely asked.

"...well, you know what? I've been through wars. I can handle a demonic counseling session.." Dr. Freeman remarked, his mustache twitching as Remiel nodded.

"Of course, because war is Hell, right?"

"War's not Hell." Snizzi spoke up as he vigorously shook his head. "You know who goes to Hell? Sinners. There's really no innocent bystanders in Hell. War…war's full of them. Children. Old people. Cripples. Except for some of the soldiers, and a lot of the top brass…almost everybody involved is war is innocent. War's worse." Snizzi said darkly.

"...with insights like that, you could have been a psychiatrist." Dr. Freeman gently intoned as the blue imp laughed darkly and laid down on a couch that manifested in front of Remiel and the human.

"Yeah, well…" He sighed. "...one of the first real books that my host read was Guns, Germs, and Steel, and after that. "In Dubious Battle". His first "grown up" movie was the SHINING, he saw that at age 7. Snuck down the stairs to watch. Big mistake!" He laughed. "That frozen Jack scene'll be in his head for years!"

"Do you think seeing and reading about such violence has shaped how you view the world?" Dr. Sidney freeman inquired of Snizzi as the imp hesitated, scratching his head before he spoke up.

"I think that if you get put through a lot of violence, you either grow up really kind, because you've had so much done to you, and it opens your heart, and it makes you want to keep others from hurting…or it makes you real mad at the world. Sometimes both." the imp said. "...I think I'm both. Can you help me, doc? Can you help me be better?"

"You can help you be better. I'm just here to help you help yourself." The doctor told him with a gentle nod. "People have the ability to be good in them from day one. They just need to keep that candle flickering. Some find it harder than others. But admitting you have a problem's the first real step. Now, we're practically halfway home!"

Snizzi smiled.