Chapter 5

Coming Home

Jack slammed the map he'd found in the glove compartment onto the dashboard. Unfortunately he wasn't very good at reading maps and he also wasn't exactly sure what he was looking for. He was hopelessly and utterly lost, and in more ways than one. To make matters worse, he'd almost run over an elderly woman while he'd attempted to read the thing and drive at the same time. She'd flipped him the bird and it made him feel bad. So, he'd decided to attempt to try his best to retrace the path he'd come from on his own.

At some point, when he was certain he was at least in the correct neighborhood, he pulled over to the side of the road for a breather. He hadn't exactly had any time to process everything that was happening, and what was happening sure as hell wasn't anything the human brain was necessarily prepared to deal with. But since he was stuck here, he supposed the least he could do was try.

For one, he knew under normal circumstances he'd be happy to see Janet. Thrilled, even. Even if he...kind of...had been prepared to blow her off after she'd sent that message to his office. Even if he had avoided her for years as some sort of pathetic defense mechanism.

But deep down he knew that what he really wanted was to simply see her again.

And now here she was and he felt like he couldn't do it. Not like this! Whatever this was. They were married, for crying out loud! With children! And he knew nothing about how any of it came to be in this warped, alternate universe he'd landed in. What was he going to do? What was he going to say?

How was it going to feel?

Before he could contemplate his situation any further, he heard a loud thud against the driver's side window. He let out a high-pitched shriek and jumped back, his hands pulled around his body to protect his vital organs, fully prepared to be murdered.

When he regained his composure, his eyes landed on Larry Dallas laughing his ass off on the other side of the window. He furiously cranked the window down, noting the squeaking sound the piece of junk made as he did so.

"Larry?! What the hell?!"

"You should've," Larry began, but he was laughing so hard he couldn't finish. "You should've seen your face," he laughed, heaving in between words. "Ahh!" he squealed, haphazardly mimicking Jack.

"Yeah, real funny, Larry! I haven't seen you in months and you're trying to scare me to death!"

"Oh, come on. I miss one poker night and you act like I'm never around. I see you more than I see my own mother."

Jack paused. In fact, the last time he'd personally seen Larry was when he'd brought a date with him to one of his restaurants. But Jack had been so busy trying to impress a critic that he hadn't been able to exchange more than a few pleasantries with him. A tinge of guilt fell over him as he realized that Janet wasn't the only part of his old life that he'd been avoiding. Maybe in whatever alternate, freak-show universe he'd been dumped into, he and Larry had stayed in better touch.

"You mean...we still hang out?"

"Uh, yeah. Too much, actually. I'm kind of getting sick of you," Larry joked. Then his face grew more serious. "Look, Janet called. She said you ran away this morning. Terri's over there as we speak trying to calm her down and help her figure out where you went. What's going on, pal? And it had better be good because if Janet doesn't kill you, Terri will finish the job. She almost ended my life just because I was standing too close to the door when she was trying to leave to get to your place."

Jack sat there trying to process what Larry was saying, but it was so much information out of context that all he was able to spit out was, "You live with Terri?"

It was weird to see Larry's face so concerned, but he was looking at Jack like he'd lost his mind – and that wasn't so far from the truth. "Jack, be honest with me, pal...is everything alright? You look terrible."

"Yeah, I just...uh...I'm kind of having a weird day."

"Hey, what could be so bad that you ran away on Christmas. Huh? Trouble at work?"

Jack didn't respond, but his winced as he realized that he didn't know where he worked in this version of his life.

"Is it Janet?"

He looked up at Larry, his eyes betraying a stunned and dazed expression. "Janet's my wife," he whispered, as if looking for confirmation, as if testing to see what it felt like to say the words out loud.

"Yeah. You got everything you ever dreamed of. Poor bastard," Larry said, playfully slugging Jack on the shoulder.

"Dreamed of?"

Larry laughed and finally opened Jack's door, gesturing for him to get out of the car. Jack did, glad to get out of that ugly thing. When Larry started walking, he followed, unsure of where he was leading him. "Yeah, yeah. I know you're in it now, but I remember the days when you'd come crying to me. 'Larry, what do I do? Larry, she's gonna leave. Larry, I can't let her marry that guy.'" He said, mimicking Jack in a whiney voice. "Drove me nuts. Thank god you finally said something."

"I told her how I felt," Jack said, more so to himself as he attempted to process this new version of events.

"Can you imagine if you hadn't? I'd probably still be hearing about it to this day. Either that or I'd cut ties with you altogether. There's only so much a guy can take."

Jack winced, well aware of what that alternative looked like.

"Yeah, but you bulldozed that wedding like a champ. And I didn't even have to go streaking or destroy anyone's dress to help you ruin it. You did that all by yourself, pal" Larry continued, giving Jack a pat on the back. He nearly fell over in dramatic Jack fashion, too stunned to put much focus on his own balance. Taking in all of this new information was overwhelming.

"I told her how I felt...and it changed everything..." Jack observed, the picture coming together for him a bit. Larry grinned and patted him on the head like a puppy who'd just learned a new trick.

"We all thought she was going to kill you. Opening your mouth to confess your undying love right in the middle of her wedding like that. But she didn't. She ran out and you ran after her and," Larry shrugged. "None of us saw either of you for the rest of the night." He turned to Jack. "You never did tell me what happened after that."

Jack noticed that they'd reached the house – the one he and Janet and their children lived in. He turned to Larry, then looked back at the house. "And I'm not going to tell you now, either," he said, considering he didn't have a clue.

"Ah, I'll get it out of you one of these days," Larry called after Jack as he made his way toward the house in a daze. "And tell Terri that I was the one who found you. I need the points for later!"

Jack had no idea why Larry would need points with Terri, and right now he didn't want to know. But he turned back to him and asked, "Are you coming with me?"

"Inside? There?" Larry laughed. "You couldn't pay me. Terri and Janet are both in there waiting to kill you. Good luck, pal!" He said and turned away.

"Yeah, thanks for nothing!" Jack grumbled after him and waved him off as he made his way toward the door. He hesitated as his hand hovered over the handle. What was he going to say to her? And how was he going to put on some act that everything was normal? He sighed and turned the knob.

It was quiet. He could hear Christmas cartoons playing in another room, the low murmur of voices. He took a step and the floor creaked, immediately prompting footsteps that grew louder as they made their way toward him. The first face he saw was Terri's – her hair slightly darker and straighter than the last time he'd seen her seven years ago – and her brief expression of relief turned to a scowl before she turned to the woman next to her.

"Jack!" Janet cried, pulling a cordless phone down away from her ear as she ran over to him and squeezed him tightly. She pulled away and put the phone back up to her ear. "No, he's here. He just walked in. Thank you." She turned the phone off and set it down before enveloping him in a hug once more. His hands lay stiff at his sides as if he were paralyzed. His eyes landed on Terri, who raised a judgmental eyebrow, and he finally wrapped his arms around Janet in turn.

As soon as he did, he found himself melting into her. It felt like coming home. Like being away at sea for seven years and finally reaching shore. Like holding your breath underwater and finally coming up for air. He allowed himself to let his guard down enough to pull her tighter. Her hair still smelled the same. She still felt the same. Soft and warm and –

Before his brain could process another thought, he felt a smack on his arm. He pulled away and saw Janet glaring at him but before he could respond, another whack landed on his other arm – Terri.

"Where on earth were you?! You had me worried sick!" Janet yelled, raising a tissue to her nose.

"Honestly, what is wrong with you, Jack? Running out like that on your wife and kids on Christmas morning?!" Terri added angrily. "You had me here consoling Janet all day while we called everyone we know, including the hospital!"

"It was cruel, Jack! And wrong! What could've possibly possessed you to do that?!" Janet added.

"I...I don't know," he stuttered, trying to fish for an excuse that would make sense to them. "I guess I just...needed to get away for a bit."

Janet and Terri exchanged glances and turned back to glare at him simultaneously.

"If you decide to murder him, Janet, I'll gladly help you hide the body," Terri said with mock pleasantry.

"Terri, why don't you go back into the living room with Jamie and Junior," Janet told her. "I'd like to be alone with my husband for a minute," she said through gritted teeth.

Terri glared at Jack again before turning away and Janet watched her go before slowly turning back toward Jack. She looked directly into his eyes, daring him to give her some sort of pathetic excuse. "Well? Explain yourself, Jack. And you'd better have something more impressive than wanting a little me time on Christmas morning."

It was hard for him to speak – he didn't know what to say because he knew that nothing he could tell her would make any sense. He was also trying to process the fact that the person standing before him was his wife. It was a fact that he'd run through his head over and over since that morning and yet he still had a hard time processing it. He broke their gaze, turning it toward the floor, the counter space, the walls...anywhere but at her.

"Jack?" she walked back over to him and placed her hand on his cheek, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "Jack, what is going on?"

Their faces were so close. It must've been the closest they'd been in 7 years, at least from his perspective. He noticed that his heart was pounding and it was terrifying. He closed his eyes and pulled away. "I don't belong here," he said.

"What?"

He didn't deserve to be here, he reasoned to himself. Her Jack had done the right thing seven years ago. Her Jack had taken a chance and made a stand. He wasn't him.

"I'm not your husband..." he said softly, regretfully.

Janet was growing visibly angrier. "I don't know what you're trying to pull here today, Jack, but it's not funny."

"Janet..."

"No! I'm speaking now. I think you've done enough for one day," she said, standing back again. "You have no idea what you put us through today, Jack! You leave first thing in the morning, you don't tell anyone where you're going or why, and you're gone for hours! We didn't know where you were. We had no way to contact you. You could've been dead, Jack!" She dabbed her eyes again. They were tears of relief but also, now, of anger. "And all you have to say for yourself is that you don't belong here and you're not my husband?!"

"I know, I know. I'm sorry, please," he winced, because it was clear that Janet was gearing up to whack him again.

She took in a deep breath to stifle herself then spoke again more calmly. "Where were you?"

"My apartment. Or at least, I tried to go to my apartment," he said, still wincing.

"What? At the bistro?" she said, brow furrowed.

"No. No, not at the bistro," he said, growing frustrated – not at her, but at reality, whatever it was now. "Downtown. And to the studio and..."

"The where? Jack, what on earth are you talking about?" she asked, clearly very irritated now.

"Okay...let's just back up for a second, okay?" he said, trying his best to placate her. "This is really very silly...and I swear you're gonna laugh but...Janet, I'm not the same guy you married." Janet rolled her eyes and threw up her hands before she began pacing the kitchen. Jack ignored it and continued, "That guy has two kids and a wife! I do not. I live in a very nice condominium downtown and I have my own cooking show. I own multiple restaurants and I boss people around. And this is all very funny! Because now here I am...here...and I'm not me. Do you understand? You know, this is all so crazy," he said matter of factly, forcing a laugh as if expecting her to suddenly jump in and laugh with him. "It's crazy, right? I mean, I've gotta be on candid camera, right? And you're all in on this together. Dr. Prescott, you, Terri and Larry, Jerry and Louise. Guy Frisco! Ah, Guy Frisco. He's crazy! And that's why you tried to get ahold of me yesterday! For this silly little...Christmas prank reunion. Right?"

Janet just glared at him.

"...right?" he trailed off, his last-ditch effort at making sense of it all quickly fading.

She rolled her eyes again and shook her head. "Honestly Jack? If you're going to have your midlife crisis, could you do us all a favor and not do it on Christmas? None of this is funny to me because I am angry. Really angry. I mean, you can't just –" she stopped, and noticed Jack pulling out what appeared to be a bell for a bicycle. He lifted it up in the air and rang it, looking around for something as he did so. "What the hell are you doing?!"

He ignored her and continued to ring it, but Dr. Prescott did not appear. Instead, the distant sound of another bell rang and grew closer until the little girl from that morning – his daughter – appeared on a pink bike with training wheels. "Daddy! You're home!" she said, riding up to him. She grabbed the bell out of his hand and rang it herself. "I like this bell! Thanks!" she said and hugged his leg before riding off with it.

"Hey, that's mine!" he called after her. "She took my bell!" he whined, looking at Janet who was clearly still not amused.

"You should've seen how excited she was when she first got on that bike, Jack. But you missed it. And after all the planning we did, and you having to find her the perfect bike, and having to order it from a catalogue and hoping it got here on time. And all the work it took to put it together. It was all so worth it just to see the look on her face and you missed it! You missed Christmas, Jack," she looked down, twisting the tissue in her hands until it was practically disintegrated.

He looked at her and sighed. The guilt began to gnaw at him, even though he knew that his reaction had been perfectly acceptable given the circumstances. But he supposed that she didn't know that, and that wasn't her fault. "I'm sorry," he relented. "I'm sorry."

She lifted her hands to wave him off, clearly too exhausted to press it any further. "Just forget it, Jack. I'm just...so relieved you're okay that I'm not even mad anymore."

"I am!" he heard Terri call from the other room and jumped.

"Besides," Janet continued. "There isn't even any time to talk about this right now. That was your parents on the phone. They're also not happy with you, by the way, and they're coming back over to watch the kids while we go to the party tonight."

He groaned internally. "Party?"

"Don't play games, Jack. I already told Jimmy Stevens we were going."

"The Stevens party?"

"Yes, the Stevens party. The very same one we only go to every year," she said, moving to make her way toward the other room, having had plenty enough of his antics.

"Janet! Janet, wait," he said, grabbing onto her shirt and dragging behind her.

She rolled her eyes and turned around. "What is it now, Jack?"

"It's just I...I don't know if going to a party is necessarily the best thing for my, you know, mental state right now."

"Your mental state?"

"Yeah, things aren't so...I don't think things are going so great up here right now," he said, knocking on his head before rotating his finger next to his ear.

Janet stared at him judgmentally for a moment before speaking. "You're right," she affirmed. "But you're still going."

"Janet!" he whined, grabbing her shirt again. It wasn't lost on him how natural and quickly his old behaviors around her felt. Regardless of how terrified he was feeling, he noticed that he was developing a bounce in his step.

"Unless you want to stay and watch the kids tonight instead of your parents?"

Their heads both turned at the sound of shrieking, followed by a baby crying and Terri's shouting, "Ow! My hair!"

Oh god, he wasn't ready for children. "What time should I be ready?"

"6'oclock," she said, trying but failing to hide the grin that was forming on her face with an eyeroll. She shook her head and gave him a peck on the cheek. "Honestly, Jack," she said, sighing with an undertone of amusement, "If I didn't love you so much, I swear I'd have killed you by now."

He took her words in for a moment as she disappeared around the corner to where Terri and the kids waited. Attempting to retrace his steps from earlier, he eventually made his way back up the staircase and into the room he'd inexplicably woken up in that morning. To his left there was a small closet fitted with rolling doors. He pulled it to the side and gazed upon...well, they were certainly clothes – if rows of unflattering sweaters and slacks were considered clothes. He liked to think his style had evolved since he'd begun making more money, but this other Jack had unfortunately regressed. He sighed and went to reach for an olive green and gold striped sweater but was stopped by the sound of small footsteps. He looked down to see the little girl staring at him from the doorway.

"H...hi...there," he said. Her eyes bore into him and he suddenly felt very uncomfortable, in a way that only children staring at you and analyzing you can make you feel. "How's it going...you?" He realized then that he didn't even know her name yet. Something wit a J. Jamie, did Janet say? Did everyone in this family have a J name? Had they gone that route?

The girl furrowed her brow, as though concerned about something. He stared back, managing to finally get a good look at her. Everything, from her dark hair to her short stature to her pursed lips screamed Janet. But those eyes; those blue eyes looking back at him were his own.

She said nothing, and instead stared at him for a moment longer before turning and running away.