Chapter 10

The Point of No Return

Jack held his breath, closed his eyes, and aimed straight for the bullseye, taking care not to step over the line below his feet. A yelp from the elderly man who'd been nursing a flat beer told him that he'd not only missed the bullseye, but the entire dartboard altogether. He sighed and threw his hands up.

"I'm just no good at this."

"Well, uh, yeah I'd try not closing your eyes for one," Larry quipped as Jack walked back over to their table. A few other guys he recognized from the Stevens party were with them, groaning and muttering under their breath at his failure. It was the Beagle's annual darts tournament and he was letting everyone down.

"You were our best man last year. What happened to you?" One of them, Dave, apparently, said.

"I guess I've just been out of practice?" He guessed.

"Pfft, you pulled an Alan Evans not three weeks ago," Larry said. "An Alan Evans!" The others oohed and ahhed.

"Who?!"

"Who, the man says. It's like you're a different person!"

Jack scoffed. Was Larry onto him? Over darts? And why was this Jack so good at darts? He'd never cared about darts before! And who the hell was Alan Evans? "Larry, look...I've just been – "

"Yeah, yeah. You've just been having a weird day. Again. And I'm all out of beer. What do we think, everyone? Another round on Jack?" The others cheered in unison.

"Fine. Okay. I'll be back with your stupid beers, you freeloaders!" he grumbled and turned toward the bar.

The Regal Beagle looked largely the same as it did the last time he'd been inside of it nearly eight years ago. The same décor, the same uniforms (although the barmaids were now a little more covered up, much to his disappointment). It had the same smell – a blend of cigarette smoke, fried food, and cheap beer. Mike the bartender seemed to have been replaced by a new, younger guy. In fact, a whole slew of younger people were making their way in as the night went on. He felt old, dull. Of course he played darts. That's what middle aged dads with boring jobs did – they put everything into a silly little hobby to help them forget that their uninteresting lives are passing them by.

Lost in thought, he rounded the corner of the hallway with the bathrooms and accidentally bumped shoulders with an auburn-haired woman. He turned to apologize, then stopped cold.

"Colleen!" he plastered on a fake smile.

"Jack!" Colleen Stevens said, collecting herself. She glanced down and smirked. "Is that a role of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?"

Jack looked down and reached into his pocket. "Actually yeah, it is a role of quarters. I always come prepared," he said, nodding toward the payphone. "Janet's home alone with the kids, so..." He added as a reminder to Colleen. And to himself.

"Mmhm, right," she cooed. "And you're not tired of that whole schtick yet?"

"Schtick?"

"Oh, come on, Jack. You used to be such a playboy. Are you telling me you don't ever...miss it?" she teased.

Now there was a question. Jack thought back to just a few weeks ago when he still very much was that playboy. And he couldn't help but think that, yeah, maybe he did miss it a little – the lack of responsibility, the silk sheets, the steady stream of women who were excited to sleep with someone they'd seen on TV...

"Don't we all miss our youth?" Jack shrugged, trying to brush her off, refusing to let what she was saying get to him.

Colleen shook her head. "Be honest, Jack. I can tell you've been getting tired of the whole family man thing."

Jack's face sobered at the accusation. "What are you trying to get at? W-what do you know?" A barrage of thoughts raced through his mind. What was the deal with Colleen Stevens? What was this Jack's relationship with her?

She moved closer toward him, her eyes lowering to his lips. "Are we finally being honest?"

"It would definitely help me out, yes."

She looked up at him through long lashes. "I've had my eye on you for years, Jack. I've wanted this for a long time." She pulled a piece of paper out of her purse and slipped it into his pocket with the role of quarters in it. "And I think you have, too."

"Have I?" he asked. Has he? Had this Jack fantasized about another life? A life where there was no dead-end job, no screaming children, no karaoke, or darts...

And for a moment he had to concede: the fact was, none of this was actually real, was it? Dr. Prescott had said it was all just a glimpse. But it wasn't real. In theory, he could do whatever he wanted and none of it would matter.

Colleen smirked. "I'm heading home now. You know where to find me," she glanced toward Larry and the guys, as if to indicate the perfect cover. "Your wife won't have to know a thing."

...No Janet. No coming home to warm hugs from his kids. No Larry or Terri or Mr. Furley with his hot wife. It all felt real. God, it felt real. Somehow that was enough.

And he knew. He knew that he wouldn't do this to Janet, not in this universe or in any other. Real or unreal. Colleen turned to walk away, glancing coyly over her shoulder, and he stopped her.

"Made up your mind already?" she teased.

"Yeah, I have." He pulled the slip of paper out of his pocket and stared down at the phone number that was written there. "I did years ago. And even though in one of those timelines I didn't do anything about it because I'm an idiot –" (Colleen muttered the word "timeline?" to herself in confusion). "it doesn't change the fact that I always knew one thing. I love Janet. And I would never do anything to hurt her or my family..."

"But – "

"And sure, Junior might smell a little funny. And Janet might squeak a little when she yells at me. And yeah, maybe my daughter thinks I'm possessed by the devil. But they're my family and I never had a clue how much I wanted all of that until right now. And that's the honest truth," he added as he crumpled the slip of paper and tossed it over his shoulder. For a second Colleen stood speechless, then she stammered out the door.

Jack stood there for a moment catching himself, almost out of breath from what somehow felt like a workout. Larry sidled up beside him and put his arm around him. "Proud of you, pal. I know it couldn't have been easy."

He pulled away and turned toward Larry. "Actually, it was really easy." Why had it been so easy? Was It because he knew that deep down, being with Janet really did feel right? That any discomfort he'd been feeling since this all began was because he was being forced to face a truth that before he'd only ever conveniently ignored?

"And I can tell you why it was so easy," Larry interrupted his thoughts, changing his tune.

Jack turned to him, dubious. "You can?"

"There comes a time in every married man's life when he realizes a very important yet very startling fact: that he's madly in love with his wife," he said confidently.

Jack made a gesture to indicate 'no shit.' "Uh, yeah I think that would be around the time he asks her to marry him."

"No, see, that's where you're wrong. You might think that you're madly in love, but until you start to pass some very tricky tests, you've never actually experienced what I like to call 'the point of no return.'"

"Which, again, I think would be around the time you ask a woman to marry you," Jack said, still internally reeling over the fact that this guy was married to Terri. "I still don't get how Terri got you of all people to settle down."

"What, hey, are we still on this? Where is all the interest about my relationship with Terri coming from lately? You don't think I have it in me?"

"No – I mean, of course I do but – "

"But I'm just Larry, the whore of Santa Monica, right?"

"No-ye...I mean...kinda?"

Larry shook his head. "That hurts, Jack. You know I always said I'd settle if it were the right girl. Turns out Terri was the right girl. One day I woke up and realized that no other woman would ever be as good as her. Beautiful woman after beautiful woman would cross my path and all I could think was...they're not Terri."

Jack relented. That was maybe the sweetest thing he'd ever heard his friend say. "Okay. You're right. I'm sorry. I won't tease you about it anymore."

"Besides," he added, a mischievous grin forming on his face, "that doesn't mean I don't still have fun."

Jack's heart sunk. "Wait...Larry, you don't fool around on her, do you?!" He geared up, mentally preparing himself to connect his fist with Larry's jaw.

"Oh, come on, Jack! Have a little more faith in me, will you?"

"The guy who needed a 'moment of no return' to realize he's in love with his wife?" he added sarcastically, adding air quotes. Larry glared at him. "Well then what do you mean by fun?"

He straightened his collar and puffed out his chest a bit. "We've tried sexual escapades with...other people. Together."

"You and Terri are swingers?!"

Larry rolled his eyes, growing impatient with Jack's corny judgement. "No! When I say other people, I mean...one...other people."

"A three way?"

"Don't look so jealous."

"I just can't imagine Janet ever being into it..."

"I guess Terri is a little bit more adventurous."

"I guess... So, who was she?" he said, looking around nervously to make sure Colleen hadn't returned. "Larry?" he asked again when Larry hadn't responded. "Who was the other girl?"

"...his name was Danny."

"What?! It was another guy?!"

Larry motioned for Jack to keep it down. "Scream it to the entire Beagle, why don't you! It was the only way I could get Terri to agree to a three way!"

"And you still went through with it?!"

"I wanted to have a three way!"

"But wasn't it...I mean...what was it like?"

Larry looked off wistfully and paused for a beat, biting his lip. "...I didn't hate it."

Jack winced.

"Don't judge me! Don't you judge me, Jack! It's the 90s, alright?!"

Jack raised both hands in surrender. "Okay I'm not – I won't judge you, okay? I'm happy for you. A little happier for Terri, but – " he muttered the last bit.

"Look, forget it. Okay? The point is – "

"Larry, I will never forget it, ever, in my entire life," Jack said.

"The POINT is," Larry continued, ignoring him. "Just because you're married, doesn't mean you can't have fun! Just...make sure it's with your own wife."

"I can have fun with my wife," Jack said casually, playing it cool.

"I know you can, pal." Larry patted his arm. "I know you can."

"I...I might go home and have fun with my wife right now!"

"That's the spirit, Jack!"

"You still have Danny's number?" he teased.

"Get outta here!" Larry laughed, pushing Jack out the door.

Jack smiled as he made his way toward the ugly, mint green Ford Windstar. Maybe it was stupid. But maybe Larry was right. There had been a time when Janet was just his roommate – just another girl. And then one day, seemingly overnight, she was the only girl. Denying it didn't work. Running off with Vicky didn't work. Living a life of confirmed bachelorhood hadn't been working, not really. It didn't matter where he went or what he did , she was always there in the back of his mind.

And now the universe was giving him no choice but to accept that he was deeply in love – had been for longer than he'd been able to accept it – even if it had to drag him kicking and screaming.

...

Chrissy greeted Jack at the door with winking eyes and a fuzzy slipper in her mouth. Jack gave her a pat and some scratches behind the ears, then called out for Janet.

"In here," she yelled from the living room. He found her snuggled up on the couch with a blanket, her eyes locked on the tv screen in front of her. "How was the darts tournament?"

"Terrible. I think. I guess I'm supposed to be good at it?"

"Aw, honey," she said, only half paying attention to him, still focusing on the screen.

"What are you watching?" he asked.

"Oh," she said, as if caught and noticing the clutter around her for the first time. "I saw that you had the box of old home movies out and so after I put the kids to sleep, I thought..." she shrugged.

He'd pulled them out of the closet at one point during the past couple of weeks, hoping for a crumb of context. Fortunately, he'd become one of those camcorder dads – the tapes helped give him an idea of what kind of person the Jack who'd had the nerve to tell Janet he loved her was. He'd found the tape from Jamie's first birthday, which had been Care Bears themed, where he'd dressed up as a giant bear, complete with rainbow emblazoned across the belly of his shirt. In another, they'd been in the hospital just after Janet had given birth to Junior. "Honey, I love you," an exhausted Janet had said, "but if you don't put the camera down soon, I will shove it down your throat." "I love you too, babe," he'd said back. In yet another, they were moving into their new house. Larry or somebody must've been filming while Jack carried Janet, who was carrying baby Jamie, over the threshold.

He sat down and scootched up beside her. "What's this one?"

She smiled. "Our trip to Disneyland a few years back. 1988. Jamie's only a toddler, see?"

Jack came into view with a two-year-old girl sat over his shoulders, mugging for the camera and dipping Jamie so she was level with the lens. She giggled in response.
"Jamie, who are we going to see today?" Jack heard Janet's voice off screen.

"Goofy!" she squealed.

"Goofy's her favorite," Jack stated, watching the Jack on the screen carry the little girl to a long line of other kids. Somehow he just knew that Goofy was her favorite.

"Can you believe it?" Janet said, turning toward him. "How fast she's grown?"

Jack smiled a sad smile.

"Pause it," she said, getting up and handing the remote to Jack. "I'll go make some popcorn."

Realizing she was planning to make a night of watching the home movies, he grew slightly panicked. It was one thing watching them on his own, but with Janet he'd have to put his best face forward while participating in a flash quiz of their last seven years together. Memory after memory and it was increasingly feeling like it was all real – like he really had been here this entire time – only he'd had the world's worst case of amnesia. And the worst part was realizing how much he was beginning to desperately want to remember, to have really been there.

He shuffled around in the box of tapes and pulled another one out at random. Janet's birthday, a year or two ago. It was one of the ones he'd already watched. He'd thrown a surprise party at the Bistro. All their friends were there – Furley, Terri and Larry, Cindy, a few girls from Janet's work, The Ropers, Chrissy (human) and her husband. Some of his coworkers had apparently helped him make the most gigantic cake he'd ever seen in his life, covered in flowers made of icing. He popped it back into the VCR, rewinding to the moment they'd wheeled it out and everyone began to sing.

"Janet?" he called, remembering another cake. "Do we still have any of that chocolate cake I made the other day?"

"You mean this cake?" she reentered the living room with a piece, having already taken a bite.

His face dropped. "That's the last piece, isn't it?"

"Mmhm," she said, her eyes teasing and her mouth full.

"Do you mind if I have some? Just a bite?" he pleaded.

"I don't know, Jack. It's really good."

"Give me some of that cake, Janet," he demanded now, jumping up and making to chase after her.

She giggled and dodged out of his reach, death grip on the plate of cake, and ran out of the room, through the kitchen and the hallway and toward the front door.

"Oh no you don't!" Jack ran after her, on her heels but she was just out of reach.

"I'm leaving and I'm taking my cake with me," she said, turning to face him with her hand on the doorknob.

But before she could make another move, he had her pinned. His hands were on the door behind her and his face was inches from hers. Her stared at her, hungry for something other than cake now, and she stared back, the teasing glint in her eyes fading to pure desire. They dove into each other, kissing like newlyweds – and for Jack, he truly was. She slid her back down alongside the door, and Jack followed suit, knocking the plate from Janet's hand and smooshing the cake between them. Much of it had wound up on Janet's chest, so when his kisses made their way down her neck and over her collarbone, he was finally able to get a taste.

"You're right," he panted. "It's really good."

That made her laugh, and she lifted his chin back up so his lips were back on hers.

In the living room, the tape continued to play.

Jack, filming, turned the camera in on himself. "Here she is, everybody. The woman of the hour. The birthday girl herself, Janet Tripper. Yay!" he turned the camera back on her and she blushed through a smile, camera shy. "Janet, has this day been everything you ever dreamed of?"

"It's wonderful, honey. You absolutely blew me away." She stood in the main dining area of the bistro surrounded by a large group of their friends. The camera panned to the right, where Chrissy(human) sat bouncing Jamie on her lap. She raised the little girl's hand in a wave. It moved to the Ropers, and Helen blew a kiss to the camera before tugging on Stanley's shirt to pay attention. He motioned to the cheese and cracker sandwich he'd been about to put in his mouth and Helen rolled her eyes. Mr. Furley poked his head out from the window to the kitchen, clearly on duty. He smiled at the camera bashfully before taking a swig of a bottle of sherry. To Janet's left, Terri looked busy fiddling with a stereo.

The camera landed back on Janet. "Now, don't get too comfortable because the night isn't over yet."

"It isn't?" she asked, nervously tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Larry, will you do me the honor?"

The video grew shaky as Jack handed the camera over to Larry. It blurred, then focused on Jack, who was now standing side by side with Janet. "Alright, Jack," came Larry's voice off camera. "Take it away."

Jack appeared a bit anxious. "Okay. Uh, right. Terri?"

Terri produced an "ok" sign with her thumb and forefinger, then pressed a button on the stereo. Mellow saxophone and drums played from the device on which Jack had recently spent nearly an entire paycheck.

"Jeanette, you'll recall our trip to Niagara Falls during our honeymoon. The car radio in the terrible rental we were using blew out and I had no choice but to improvise. And I was thinking, the song you had me sing, the one that you were just dying to hear because you couldn't get it out of your head..."

"Oh no," Janet laughed, putting her face in her hands in mock embarrassment, knowing now what was coming, even if nobody else (save maybe Terri or Larry) seemed to.

"And I thought, since you enjoyed it so much then..."

Janet looked back up at him, and the smile on her face reached the sparkle in her eyes.

"God, I hope you like this," Jack finished, before diving into the lyrics of "Let's Stay Together" by Al Green.

I, I'm I'm so in love with you Whatever you want to do is all right with me

Video Jack could be heard in the background as present-day Jack continued kissing Janet. He noted how in sync they were, how natural it felt. He'd almost forgotten that it had always felt that way. His hands explored her body, still so hesitant but growing more confident each time. It was really real.

'Cause you make me feel so brand new And I want to spend my life with you

But he'd found over the past few weeks that it hadn't been hard to accept, not at all. At least, it was a lot easier than he assumed it'd be. To have the woman he'd always loved right there in front of him without having had to do any of the work? Without having had to risk any of the fallout? He'd be crazy not to relish in it. None of his success in his other life mattered – not when he had her.

He gently pulled his lips off Janet's and looked at her – really looked at her.

"What?" she asked.

Let me say that since, baby, since we've been together Ooh, loving you forever is what I need

"Is this how it always is? Us together, day after day, like this?"

"I...I think so?" Janet said. She'd grown more used to Jack's random philosophical questions lately.

He nodded and smiled, but the sadness behind his eyes that crept up every time he remembered this was temporary remained. He'd feared so. He ran his thumb across her cheek and lifted her lips to his once more.

Let me, be the one you come running to I'll never be untrue

Oh baby Let's, let's stay together ('gether) Lovin' you whether, whether Times are good or bad, happy or sad

"Happy birthday, babe. I love you," Jack's muffled voice sounded from the TV after he finished the song. The video ended and the screen turned to static.

He'd reached the point of no return. There was no going back now. And nobody, not even Dr. Prescott, could make him.