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CHAPTER 3

They should not have let Chell drive. For one thing, she didn't really know how, but didn't want to be taught, and for another, she seemed determined to break the car by ramming it into rocks and small trees and driving it through brush. And GLaDOS wasn't helping.

"Warning: driving without current registration or proof of insurance will result in eventual arrest."

"Sados, Mados, whatever your name is, insurance is the least of our worries. The Combine will try to kill us on sight." Gordon said, exasperated.

"How could columbines kill us?" Chell wondered. "They're plants."

"Combine. The aliens." Gordon corrected.

And later: "Attention: driving recklessly at excessive speeds may result in apprehension, injury, or even death."

"Driving fast will make me anxious?" Chell joked.

"You're making me anxious," Gordon grumbled.

When they finally arrived, Gordon staggered out of the car and puked. Chell seemed to have no such issues. The "camp" was just a shed, a mobile home, and an outhouse. Alyx stormed out of the shed.

"Gordon…" she growled, before punching him in the mouth. Gordon moaned and clutched his jaw.

"Automatic medical systems engaged," his suit chirped.

"WHERE WERE YOU!" Alyx shouted. "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR THREE DAYS!"

"I went to go find the —" Gordon began.

"I don't care!"

"I found the —"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"I flattened the —"

"I. DON'T. CARE!" Alyx yelled, throwing soda cans at Gordon. Chell looked back and forth between the two of them, bewildered.

"Oooooookay… I don't know what's going on here, but I do know this," Chell said. "You," she told Alyx, "Need to chill. And you," she told Gordon, "Need to apologize."

"You're right," Alyx said. "Sorry."

"Now, Gordon?"

"I'm sorry I left without telling you," Gordon mumbled.

"Oh, I'm not mad about that," Alyx said, "Oh, wait, I TOTALLY AM." She walked over to the shed. "What I'm really mad about, is THIS MESS! "She threw open the doors of the shed, revealing an impressive mound of Ditch Bar wrappers and half-empty cans of Professor Salt soda, along with several issues of The Amazing Cockroach Boy! And enough dust bunnies to cover the greater part of Australia.

"Clean this up! Right now!" Alyx yelled.

"B-but it's my man cave!" Gordon protested.

"I don't care! Do it now!"

After Gordon finished cleaning up his "man cave", Chell asked, "Now what do we do?"

"Good point," Alyx remarked. She was somewhat calmer after her can-throwing rampage. She gasped. "Kleiner! We left him behind!"

"We've got to save him!" Chell cried, not knowing what was happening but wanting to seem involved. "Wait, who is this Kleiner person?"

"You'll find out." Alyx told her. "DOG!" she yelled over her shoulder.

"Who's dog?" Chell wondered.

Dog landed in front of her.

"That's Dog."

"Oh. OK. Anyway, let's go!" Chell exclaimed. Alyx and Gordon agreed. GLaDOS muttered something rude. Dog hooted in excitement.