Chapter 12
I Know I'm Not But Who Am I?

When I made it back to my room, I changed into some clean knickers and jeans. The ones from the pub were still damp and fragrant. I was tempted to take a shower but figured it could wait until I met Pansy in the Prefects' Bath.

Ron, Ginny, and several other of my housemates were talking in the common room. Harry was doing his detention. We were all concerned that Umbridge had no intention of teaching us how to actually defend ourselves. We had been spoiled over the previous two years by the amazing teaching of professors Lupin and Moody, even though Moody had turned out to be Barty Crouch Jr. If not for being a deranged Death Eater, Barty Jr. could have been an amazing professor. This left us very concerned about our future education in defending ourselves.

Later in the day, I finished a nice dinner. The events in The Three Broomsticks had left me with a hardy appetite. The elves had focused the meal on Mexican food. I ate too many flautas, tostadas, and barbacoa burritos dressed with guacamole along with rice and beans.

As I was eating, I was also thinking about my agreement to meet Pansy in the Prefects' Bath. " What have I gotten myself into?" I thought. "What does she want to talk about?"

I could see her across the tables. She was talking with members of her posse. She looked like her normal self. I could not get a read on her.

A short while later, I had put my bathing suit on under my clothes. It was easier to do it this way than in the dressing area. Everything else I would need was already in the dressing area.

I walked up the stairs and to the fourth door to the left of Boris the Bewildered. I took a deep breath and said "Sparkling Fountain". The door opened and I walked in.

As I disrobed, I could hear the rumble of the bath. I suspected Pansy was already here. I wondered if anyone else was with her.

I grabbed a fluffy robe and towel as I headed into the ornate room that was home to the bubbly, hot waters.

"You made it," said Pansy as she looked up from the pool. "I was starting to wonder."

"Sorry," I replied as I pulled off the robe and put it on a chair with the towel.

"You're kind of overdressed," said Pansy, eyeing my scarlet and gold suit. I noticed Pansy's sage green suit was on the deck to her right. "Is she naked!" My mind screeched. "What the hell?"

"Don't be shy," said Pansy. "Take off your suit. It's more relaxing this way."

"Uh—-what—-what if someone else comes—-uh—guys?" I said apprehensively.

Pansy laughed. "Don't worry about that. I put a charm on the door. It will announce anyone who wants to open it. You'll have plenty of time to get your suit back on."

"Oh. Nice," I replied, feeling the peer pressure and being disarmed by my excuse not to take off my suit and join her. After all, it was not going to be my first skinny dip in the bath.

A moment later, my reluctant suit was on the deck and I was stepping into the steaming waters. Of all the perks of being a prefect, this place was one of the very best.

"You're really fit," said Pansy as I settled into the bubbles.

"Uh—-thanks," I said, feeling a little embarrassed at having my bare body complimented. None of my roomies had ever said anything like that, not that I wanted or expected them to do so, on the rare occasion I found myself naked around them.

"I need to lose some weight," said Pansy.

"No. I think you're fine. Actually, I think I might need a couple of pounds," I countered as I started to relax into the situation.

"I would like my stomach to be flatter," she insisted as she stood up and squeezed the tiniest amount of excess around her waist.

At the same time, I noticed her boobs. They were twice as big as mine with large, dark brown, meaty areolae. Her nether region was hairless and shiny. Her puffy slit was looking proudly at me. She must have just used the Calvorio charm on herself down there.

I felt an uncomfortable tingling as I eyed her. I was glad when she slipped back into the water.

Pansy and I started talking. She told me about her childhood, what it was like feeling the need to suck up to Draco because of the pressure from her parents, and what it's like being in a Sacred Twenty-Eight pure-blood family. I had no idea of the weight she was under. Not making it into Slytherin, not being named a prefect, not getting enough O. or N.E. falling into disfavor of the Malfoys or a couple of other families—-any of these could get you disowned or booted from her family. And I thought I had it bad being a muggle-born. I gained an even higher level of higher respect for Sirius.

I talked about the issues I faced being a muggle-born witch. I talked about the learning curve I faced, the problems getting accepted as a peer, and my trouble with overcompensation. We were beginning to build a little mutual respect.

Even though I was not noticing it as we talked, Pansy was inching closer and closer to me. When our hips met, I was so engrossed in our conversation, that I did not flinch. I just kept talking. Before long, we were shoulder-to-shoulder, leaning on each other like old friends.

As we were talking about our problems with Professor Trelawney and Divination, Pansy wriggled out her right arm and stretched it. When she lowered it, her hand came down behind my head.

We continued talking as her arm slipped down behind me. Her hand ended up on my right shoulder.

Our conversation ceased. Our eyes met and I cannot explain it, but suddenly our lips were locked together. We kissed, squeezed, and caressed each other in the steaming, bubbly water. When her hands finally found my bristols, I felt like I was dissolving.

I started squeezing and kneading her breasts. They were so much larger and more supple than mine. Her nipples were hardened into rubbery nuggets that fascinated my curious fingers.

" What am I doing?" my mind cried out to me." I am not a lesbian. I know I am not a lesbian. Is this another act to make Ron notice me—-to make him finally come to the party?"

Pansy's and my hands continued to investigate each other's bodies. When her fingers started to pry between my legs, I willingly opened them instead of locking them together like I expected I would. As her fingers slipped inside my slit and touched the most sensitive parts of my peach, I started moaning and quivering.

A moment later, I was exploring her fiery treasure. Then, she recoiled and said "Stop. Stop."

"Why? No," I gasped. She was no longer Pansy Parkinson, the mean, petty Slytherin with her 'hard, pug-face' as Harry had characterized her on occasion. She was my guide on a quest to ultimate pleasure in a hitherto unknown place.

"Stand up. Sit on the edge of the pool," she said.

"Why?" I whined.

"Just do it," she insisted.

I hesitated for a moment. Then, I did as she asked. My entire body trembled as she put a hand on each of my knees and pushed them apart.

I found myself a curious student in search of a lesson from my new teacher. Suddenly, she buried her face in my fanny. Her nasty, pug nose was rubbing back and forth over my clitoris. She lashed her tongue in and around me. Then she guarded her teeth with her lips as she tugged and nibbled my inner labia. I was on a fast track to an epic orgasm.

"Ooooohooohohooooohohhh," I moaned. My hips were pumping, pushing against her face. My hands were clutching her head, desperate to prevent her from pulling away.

Suddenly, I was gasping, choking as a lightning bolt of ecstatic joy electrified me. "Ohhhh—yes, yes, yes. The universe collapsed around me as I disintegrated.

A moment later, I was trying to regain my grip on reality. My stomach was heaving up and down. My entire being was tingling with a warm afterglow.

After a couple of quiet minutes, I started to sit up. Pansy was standing between my legs in the steamy water. I did not say anything. She grabbed my legs and pulled mine toward her as she moved forward. Then I felt something strange touching my peach. What was it?

I managed to get up on my elbows. Pansy had something resembling a vibrator protruding from her hips. It was held on by some straps.

"What are you doing?" I said in a frightened voice. "What is that?"

"It's a dildo. I'm going to fuck you," she said.

"What! But I have never—" I started to say before she cut me off.

"—You've never been fucked before?" Pansy blurted with disbelief in her voice. "Are you trying to tell me you're a virgin? Surely you and Potter, or maybe Weasley have—"

"—No," I cut back in. "Never. I have only done it with my vibrator."

"Then you're going to have some real fun," she said with an evil little chuckle as I felt the dildo trying to stretch my hole and penetrate me.

"I—I—I—AIIIIEEE!" I screamed as the dildo pushed into my broken peach.

Pansy leaned forward and started pushing in and out, faster and faster until she fell into a steady rhythm. In—out—in—out—in—out—. "Oh, Pansy," I gasped. "Oh—oh, yessss." My mind was gone. I saw a vision of Ron. He was on top of me instead of Pansy. Then Ron was standing next to me watching Pansy doing me. He was laughing but I did not care. I was headed over the top with pleasure. Then I was cumming. My whole body shook. All I could do was gasp and spasm.

We separated and I lay on the deck for several moments. Finally, I stood up and stepped down into the water. Pansy had taken off the dildo and was sitting on the edge of the tub. I moved in front of her. We started kissing, our tongues were tangled like two snakes. Seconds later, my hands were reacquainting themselves with her slippery breasts. They were softer and more pliable than mine. A moment later, I was kissing them and nibbling on her hard nipples.

Pansy's hands were on my head as I started kissing my way down her abdomen. She leaned back and spread her legs as I prepared to do the unthinkable —something that was not even in my vernacular a short while ago.

Her fanny was hot and dripping wet as I pulled it open with my fingers. I had no idea how to do this. I had never read anything even remotely covering the subject. All I had to go on was trying to do the things she had done to me.

The first taste was interesting. It was hot, sweet, tangy, and mixed with the herb-infused pool water. Soon, Pansy was moaning and writhing like I was using the Cruciatus Curse on her as I licked and nibbled her most sensitive places. I was working to turn her inside out.

Her clitoris was much larger than mine. It looked a bit like a small, man's penis from the pictures in the anatomy book I read. When I started sucking on it, she went off in a powerful orgasm. After a violent moment of noisy thrashing, she abruptly collapsed. I think she may have actually fainted for a moment before managing to sit up.

Then, all of a sudden, her visitor alarm went off. I grabbed my suit and panic-swam across the tub to a spot near the faucets before practically jumping back into it. Pansy hurried to bury the dildo harness in her robe. She succeeded in getting her suit on just as all six Hufflepuff prefects entered the pool area.

The others gathered in an area between Pansy and me. As they started relaxing and talking, Pansy got up and exited. I waited a few minutes. Then I exited and headed back to the Gryffindor dormitories.

"Am I no longer a virgin," I thought as I headed up the stairs. "I don't think doing it to myself with my vibrator counts—but I am pretty sure this does."

My head was still buzzing with confusion as passed through the portrait of The Fat Lady. Was I a horrible failure? This was ten times worse than all of the other things I had done put together. It was not how I had pictured losing my virginity—my life in general. I was going to meet a nice guy. We were going to date and fall in love. We were going to kiss and maybe do a little touching but that was it. I was going to be a virtuous girl and not have sex until we got married. Even with the other failures of the past four years, I had still held onto that dream for my life until this happened.

I headed straight up to my room past the others in the common room. I was clutching my clothes while wearing a robe from the bath. My hair was wrapped in a towel. Thankfully, the room was empty once I got there. However, the peace did not last long. Samantha came in a moment later. After a moment, I noticed she was staring at me for some reason.

"What?' I asked, feeling self-conscious. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"You—you're all—uh—glowy."

"Glowy? What do you mean glowy?" I replied as I removed the towel and started using it to dry my hair.

"You know, glowy—like you look—uh—you look after—after—Merlin's beard! You—You Had Sex!"

My face nearly fell off and landed on the floor. "I do not know what you are talking about," I blurted out indignantly while trying not to turn red. How did she know?

"C'mon, Hermie. I thought you went up there to meet with Parkenpig. What really happened?"

"I did," I replied. "That is exactly what I did. I went up there. We talked, soaked, and tried to relax."

"But," pressed Samantha. "You—you—ended up having—Blimey—the two of you ended up having sex. But I thought you weren't a—a—I didn't know she's a lesbian."

"I am not a lesbian," I responded angrily. "And neither is she—not—not after the stuff she has done with Draco. If she was one, you probably would still be expelled."

"What has she done with Draco? Was he there, too" asked Samantha, getting a little sidetracked.

"No. He wasn't there—and nevermind what I said. It's a secret. Just be thankful that it was key to you and Daphne getting back to school."

"Okay," said Samantha in a disappointed way. "But the fact remains—you and Pansy did something together."

"We did not—" I started before getting interrupted.

"—Don't keep trying to deny it. It's all over your face. You two did stuff."

"Okay, Sam," I relented. "I do not know how but something happened. That is ALL I am going to say. And if you breathe a word of it to anyone, even Daphne, I will—well—you'll wish you were still at home."

"Don't worry. After what you did to get me back to school—you—you could kill someone and I wouldn't say a word."

"Thanks, Sam. Now, I need to be alone for a few minutes."

"Sure, Hermie. I'll go back downstairs."

The next morning, I went down to breakfast. I had no more than sat down at the Gryffindor tables when a note sailed up and deposited itself on my plate. I picked it up and opened it. It said: 'I hope you are smart enough to never tell anyone about last night. -Pansy'

I had no more than finished reading it when it crumpled itself up and disappeared in a puff of green smoke.

"What was that?" asked Ron, pausing from stuffing bacon in his mouth.

"Just a smartass remark from Pansy," I replied.

"Let me know if you want to get back at her. I got some awesome new things from Fred and George."

"No. We should not give her the satisfaction of letting her know she got to me."

Once Ron returned his focus to his food, I dashed off a quick note and sent it to her. It said: ' Did something happen last night? I must have missed it. -Hermione'

Pansy had a confused look as she read it before it vanished in a tiny explosion of red confetti. Then, she smiled as the meaning of my words must have registered in her mind. She looked across at me. We both grinned. And that was the end of that–at least I thought that at the time.

As the next few days went by, I continued getting more and more upset at the lack of teaching we were all receiving from Umbridge. It was a popular topic in the dining hall, in the courtyards, and in the common room.

Sirius appeared to Harry in the common room fire. He confirmed many of our suspicions about Umbridge. The next day, she was named High Inquisitor by the Minister and began harassing professors as well as students.

One evening, I came up with an idea. I shared it with Ron and Harry. Harry was a bit skeptical about it but finally gave it his okay. A few days later, Ron and I started organizing a secret meeting with a group of others. A week and a half later, twenty-eight of us met at the Hog's Head during the first Hogsmeade day of the year. It was a little disorganized and even contentious at first. Some of those in attendance were more interested in what happened to Cedric than in starting an organization teaching defensive skills.

At the end of the meeting, I asked everyone to sign a piece of parchment pledging to keep the organization secret. None of them knew I had placed a jinx on it.

A couple of days later, Umbridge was informed that a group of students were meeting in secret. She issued Educational Decree 24, one of her powers as High Inquisitor, to ban all student organizations, right down to the knitting and singing clubs. Now, we needed a secret place to meet.

Dobby told Harry of the place he used to hide Winky, who had become a drunk after losing her job as the Crouch Family house elf. It turned out to be the Room of Requirement. Once we knew how to summon it, We decided that the group would meet there.

During our first meeting, Ginny came up with the name for our group. Henceforth, we were Dumbledore's Army, and the resistance against Umbridge was afoot.

Our first meeting was in early October. We had to be careful. Umbridge was stalking our every step. She also allowed quidditch to restart. This divided up our time but gave me more time to attend to my other classes. They were proceeding normally, except for Divination. Umbridge was trying to oust Professor Trelawney.

We met as often as possible. I bewitched some coins with the Protean Charm. When Harry activated them, it would inform members of the time and date of our next meeting. Everything was going well, especially considering Umbridge and her minions were haunting our every step. We were learning a lot.

I got to stun Ron during practice with the Stunning Spell. I felt quite conflicted afterward. It seemed to hurt him more than just the tumble to the floor, and Fred and George's taunts did not help matters. However, it was a good feeling to know I won a duel, and maybe I felt good beyond that because I had wanted to kick Ron in the rear for not paying more attention to me.

I also noticed that Harry was paying more and more attention to Cho. I knew he always liked her. He had asked her to the Yule Ball but She had already said yes to Cedric. However, now his eyes were hinting at more. At the same time, I noticed Ginny was acting a little jealous of the way Harry was behaving around her. My suspicions of her being sweet on Harry were gaining traction.

Umbridge decided to reinstate Quidditch in late October. With quidditch back on, probably in hopes of distracting us from everything she was up to, it was time for the first Gryffindor versus Slytherin match-up on 2 November. This turned into a fiasco. We won, but Harry got into a fight with Malfoy after the match. This resulted in Harry, Fred, and George being banned for life from playing. No punishment was given to Draco—maybe because Umbridge was a Slytherin.

We continued meeting in secret despite to efforts of Umbridge to discover what we were doing and where. We learned a lot. Even the less confident people like Neville were making real progress. We practiced the Patronus charm. Many of us eventually mastered it and got our own. My patronus is an otter. That is so cool. Otters are playful, friendly, and clever.

We had our last meeting before the Christmas break on 19 December. We were all reveling in our progress. After the meeting ended, Cho stayed behind to talk with Harry. So I learned later, Harry and her shared their first kiss under some of the mistletoe Dobby had used to decorate the room along with hundreds of gold balls saying "Have a Harry Christmas". I was happy for him. " But where was my kiss?" I thought. " When is Ron going to finally kiss me? Tomorrow? Next week? Never? Why doesn't he want me? Maybe I should have gone to Bulgaria."

Later that night, all of the frivolity came crashing down. Harry had a violent dream that Mr. Weasley was under attack while he was doing a stint of guard duty protecting the prophecy in the Department of Mysteries when he was attacked by Nagini. If not for his being rushed to Dumbledore, Mr. Weasley might not have survived. Instead, Ministry people rescued him and he was rushed to St. Mungo's. It was touch and go for a while but we were finally informed by Mrs. Weasley at breakfast that he would survive. We all knew that we had to get doubly serious when we returned from break.

All of the Weasleys were sent back to the safety of Number 12 Grimmauld by portkey before Umbridge knew they were out of bed. I was supposed to be leaving on a skiing holiday with my parents over the break. However, I decided it was more important to stay with the Weasleys and Harry. Once the term ended two days later, I went to Number 12 to join them.

On Christmas Day, we got to see Mr. Weasley in small groups. He was in good spirits but weak. His recovery was going to take time. He was very thankful for the quick action following Harry's dream.

Harry, Ron, Ginny, and I also saw Professor Lockhart and Neville's parents. Professor Lockhart kept asking us who he was. We did not know what we were allowed or should say. So, we did not tell him anything beyond his name. We also met Neville while there. He was quite self-conscious about us, or anyone else knowing about his parents. His Gran told him he should be very proud of them and what they sacrificed in helping to win the war. We assured him that no one else would know about them.

Neville's parents were able to walk about but were mostly catatonic. The Death Eaters had permanently fried their brains. My heart was crying for Neville. As we were leaving, Neville's Mom offered him the wrapper from a piece of Drooble's Best Blowing Gum. He thanked her and put it in his pocket. I think it was almost worse than having them dead. No punishment would be too severe for those who did it to them. I had tears follow down my cheeks as we left the ward and headed back to Number 12 Grimmauld.

On the last day of winter break, Professor Snape arrived at Number 12. It was always unsettling knowing he was a member of the order. None of us had a clue as to how that worked and why the others seemed to trust him.

Harry was told to meet him in the kitchen. When we arrived there a few minutes later, Snape and Sirius were arguing. Harry was in between them. Snape turned to leave while telling Harry to meet him back at the school for his Occlumency lesson which he said should be referred to as Remedial Potions lessons to disguise them. Harry later explained that Snape had a letter from Dumbledore requesting that he start instructing Harry in Occlumency to help him prevent the Dark Lord from invading his mind. Sirius was concerned that Snape would use the lesson to harass Harry. None of us were certain whether or not Sirius's concerns were well founded or any over-reaction.

Once we were back at school, Harry started his lessons. He would not discuss them more than to say they were intense. We asked him if Snape was being fair. He said it was confusing. He said Snape was, as Snape always was, rude, abrasive, and strict, but he could not argue with the lesson because Snape made a point of saying "The Dark Lord isn't resting' anytime he wanted to stop.

Everything was deceptively calm. Then, on the morning of 13 January, the world changed overnight. We all found copies of The Daily Prophet on our tables as we arrived for breakfast. The headline screamed MASS ESCAPE FROM AZKABAN. During the night, an explosion had ripped open the high-security area of the prison. Ten of the worst of the worst being held there were free, Bellatrix Lestrange, Antonin Dolohov, Rabastan and Rodolphus Lestrange, Thorfinn Rowle, Augustus Rookwood, Dirk Gibbon, Garrulous Jugson, Vortis Mulciber, and Ulysses Travers.

Dumbledore spent an extended length of time lecturing the whole school about the seriousness of the situation. We were all warned to be on our guard for even the slightest suspicious activity.

The next day, Broderick Bode was assassinated according to the members of the Order. He had been captured trying to steal the prophecy after the earlier failure by the hexed Sturgis Podmore. It was believed that Bode had been injured at work. However, it was later suspected that he had been placed under the control of the Imperius Curse. As he was starting to recover, he was given a Christmas gift of a plant. The plane turned out to be Devil's Snare. When he touched it, it strangled him. This caused a monumental rise in the level of security. Voldemort was on the move. Tensions were high. Fear was rife throughout the school. Everyone was nervous and looking for ways to distract their minds.

Classes were keeping me busy as Harry continued his Occlumency lessons. He still would not talk about them. However, he said they were working. He could feel the Dark Lord probing his mind but was able to prevent him from entering it. This was something he had never been able to do in the past.