Hello, Everyone, I know it's been a while, life has been crazy busy. I apologize for the long wait, but working full time and going to school full time doesn't leave a lot of free time. However, I think this chapter will make everyone happy.
Thank you to my partner in crime, My-Bella, for always making sure all those dang commas go where they are supposed to, and for helping me keep my sanity when the plot bunnies get out of control. I couldn't do this without you. And for my very own Twinsie, Hope4More, for not telling me I am nuts, doing this again.
Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. I just like to play with their lives every once in a while.
And maybe someday
We'll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now, and
Maybe someday we'll live our lives out loud
We'll be better off somehow
Someday
Someday by Rob Thomas
July
~Edward~
I was exhausted. I'd been on the road for nearly two weeks, and I wanted nothing more than to take a hot shower and fall into bed.
"But will you sleep once you're there?" ran through my mind. Sleeping hadn't come easy at night when we'd not been out chasing down supercell thunderstorms. Lately my brain was having a horrible time shutting down, and instead remained preoccupied with Bella and the talk I'd had with Aunt Mae the day I'd found out Bella was staying in Checotah. Aunt Mae's words kept swirling in my head about getting to know who Bella was now, her getting to know me again, and her saying she didn't think there was any other option for either of us in this. About following what my heart wanted.
What my heart wanted.
Deep down inside I knew what that was. But could I really do it? Did she want that too? If her actions at lunch that same day were an indicator I'd say she did.
"Hey," Jasper called as he walked up to where I was unloading my truck from the latest chase I'd been on. "How'd the chase go? You were gone for a while this time."
It'd been a longer trip this time out since several weather systems had developed in the surrounding areas.
"Good. Didn't loose all the windows on the truck this time," I returned with a chuckle.
"Bet you're glad you don't have to take your own vehicle anymore."
"Very. Makes the likelihood of it lasting until I'm done paying for it pretty good."
He nodded in agreement.
"So, what's up?" I asked. "You and Alice visiting up at the house?"
"Yeah, Alice wanted to congratulate Bella, but I think she's really talking her ear off about stuff with the house. When I saw your truck go by I took the opportunity to save myself from it."
His eyes were full of laughter as he mentioned escaping my sister's never-ending ability to talk about anything and everything. When Alice and I were younger I used to tell her she just liked the sound of her own voice and that was why she talked so much.
"Congratulate, Bella?" I was curious what he meant.
"That's right, you've been gone so you wouldn't know."
"Wouldn't know what?"
"She got the job she applied for," he told me.
"Well that didn't take long," I supplied. "She's really gonna do this?"
"Appears to be. You had doubts?" He had his eyebrow raised in question, as if to say he was surprised I was still having doubts, as he grabbed my last duffle bag and followed me up to the loft.
"You wouldn't?" I threw back at him as I set my stuff down near the foot of my bed. He had to look at things from my point of view.
He shrugged and then said, "Not sure. I have to wonder if it's really that you don't believe she is going to stay or if you're afraid she will and you'll have to face your feelings for her."
He had a point, and this was the whole crux of my situation. Not only was it still hard to wrap my head around the fact she was really staying, but if she did, I couldn't hide behind the fact she'd run off any more. But I guess if she got a job, it was becoming increasing hard to ignore was pretty serious about staying.
"Do you think I shouldn't?" I asked.
When I glanced over at him I could see he was thinking about something. A minute later he replied. "I guess it makes sense you would. Given your history with her and all. But sooner or later you have to let it go."
I nodded. "I want to believe her, Jazz. I really do. I know Emmett has missed her, hell my whole family has missed her. I'm sure they'd love nothing more than for her to put down roots here again."
"What about you? Have you missed her? Be honest. Don't bullshit me," he asked sincerely.
"Honestly, Jazz. I don't really know," I answered, still thinking about it. "Yes, I've felt her absence over the years, but I think I've been too busy being pissed and hurt. I missed what we had, so I guess you could say I missed her."
"I could see that." He had a mix of a curiously skeptical look on his face, like he wanted to ask more, get me to say more, but he left it alone for now.
"What does her job entail? It's at the weather center, right?" I inquired, wanting to change the subject somewhat.
"I don't know all the particulars, you'd have to ask her, but I believe she'll be looking at data from storms and comparing that to the damage done to homes and buildings and then comparing that information to what the building codes are for that house. Then she can look for areas of improvement."
"Wow. That's great. Good for her." And I really meant that.
"Look I know you've talked to your aunt some, and I know this hasn't been easy for you, or Bella for that matter. But for what my two cents is worth, I think if it's what you both want you can start all over again. Just about everyone can see how you are both trying to hide and keep all your feelings inside, so maybe it's time to stop and just let things happen and see where they go. Get to know each other again."
"You sound like Aunt Mae."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. She told me to get to know Bella again, to be her friend and see where it goes because she didn't think I was ready to walk away."
"I don't believe you are either. And I'd never doubt your aunt so…" He had a cocky grin on his face, as if he was hot shit because he had the same opinion as my aunt.
"So?" I asked.
"So are you ready to walk away for good. Accept her as just a regular member of the family?" he pushed.
"Honestly?
He nodded his answer.
"No."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"When I figure that out, I'll let ya know," I told him.
"Well you know where I am if you need an ear to bend. I know you have your family, but they all have an emotional attachment to Bella too, and while I am family too, I've only just met her—,"
"Right, I get it. No need to get all girly on me, man." I interrupted him, knowing what he was getting at. I also knew Jack would listen if I needed a neutral sounding board.
He chuckled and gave me a light punch on the arm. I didn't have to tell him I appreciated him being there, he knew it.
"Okay then I'm gonna head back up to the house and see if I can pry my wife away so we can head home. You coming to the party tomorrow?"
"Party?"
"Emma's birthday party," he reminded me.
"Oh shit. Is that tomorrow?"
"Yeah," he said with a snort. "Did you forget?"
"No, not really, I knew it was soon, I've just lost track of time while being out on the road," I explained.
"I get it. Guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Later, man."
"Later," he returned before leaving.
After unpacking the rest of my stuff, I took a shower and grabbed something to eat. Once I'd cleaned up the dishes, I popped open a beer to watch some TV and relax on the couch. As I did my mind wandered back to what I'd learned about Bella this afternoon. I was truly happy things were working out for her and I wanted to be optimistic about her staying for good this time. However, I was still hesitant to really believe it would be for good. I wanted to, but it was going to take time to see if it happened or not.
Maybe if she did— I stopped myself mid thought, refusing to let my mind start traveling down the path it was headed on.
Friends first, I told myself.
The next day I watched how seamlessly Bella fit right back in with my family as she helped everyone get ready for Emma's birthday party. It was as if she'd never left. She instinctively knew where things were if my aunt asked for something, she talked and laughed with Rose as if nothing had ever happened.
I wished it could be that easy for me.
"Mommy, mommy, mommy," the tiny tornado known as Emma came running into the kitchen.
I caught her and scooped her up in my arms as she went to run past me.
Tickling her, I asked, "Hey, pretty girl, what are you doing?"
"Uncle Edward, is it time for my party yet?"
Technically I was her second cousin. However, since Rose and Alice and I had practically grown up together, especially once Alice and I had moved here permanently, we were more like siblings than cousins so Emma had taken to calling Alice and me her aunt and uncle.
"Almost," I told her, leaving a big smacking kiss on her cheek.
"Mommy, how much longer 'til my party?"
I glanced down up at the clock on the wall and saw there was still a good thirty minutes or so.
"Soon," Rose replied to her as she walked across the kitchen to where I was standing by the breakfast bar with Emma. "Edward, I'd love you forever if you could do me a huge favor?"
"You'll love me anyways," I quipped in a teasing tone with a big smile. "But because I love you, I might still be persuaded to do this favor you need."
"Smartass," she mumbled.
"Mommy said a bad word," Emma whispered in my ear with a giggle, like she was telling top secret information.
Rolling her eyes at her daughter, Rose told her, "Mommy is a grown up, you are not. So you better not repeat what mommy says."
"Okay," Emma chimed.
"What'd you need, Rose?" I asked getting back to her previous question.
"Can you take this one," she reached over and tapped Emma on the nose, "outside and entertain her for a bit? We are almost all set up."
"Sure, I think I can manage that."
Emma had wanted to swing, and Rose had asked that I keep her clean, so swinging seemed like a win to make them both happy.
We'd been outside about fifteen minutes when Emma exclaimed, "Auntie Bella!"
"Hey, short stuff," Bella called back to her, then looked up to me. "Rose wanted me to let you know you can bring her in, in about another five, ten minutes."
"Wanna see the trick I can do with Uncle Edward?" Emma asked, Bella.
"Sure," Bella said, sitting on the empty swing next to the one I was pushing Emma in.
"Remember, hold on until I tell you," I remined my niece.
"I will," she promised.
I pushed her until she was going at a steady pace and then I walked around to stand in front of her.
"Are you ready?"
She didn't answer with words but nodded her head vigorously.
"Okay," I called to her, "when I say three. One, two, three!"
As I said three Emma jumped from the swing into my arms.
"That was so fun, Uncle Edward!" she cheered. "Now it's Auntie Bella's turn."
"No, I don't think so," Bella said.
"But it's so fun. It's not scary, Uncle Edward will catch you too. Right, Uncle Edward?"
She looked up at me with such trust and innocence in her eyes, having no idea of the situation between Bella and me.
"Please, Auntie Bella, don't be scared. My daddy says it's good to be brave."
This kid was a master manipulator and she was only three years old. "Please, please, please," she begged, drawing the word out each time.
"Only if Uncle Edward really thinks he can catch me," Bella told Emma, glancing at me and shrugging her shoulders. "I'm a softie for my niece, what can I say."
"Yay," Emma yelled, jumping up and down clapping her hands.
I was stuck now. If I said no then I was the bad guy that disappointed the birthday girl.
"Does Auntie Bella need me to push her too or can she swing like a big girl," I asked, quirking an eyebrow at Bella.
"I think I can manage," she shot back.
Once Bella was swinging high enough, I told Emma to stand back some, not sure if I'd really catch Bella or if we'd land in a heap on the ground, and then told her count with me. Together the two of us counted to three and the next thing I knew, Bella smacked into my chest as my arms wrapped around her, closing tightly just above her rear end.
I could vaguely hear Emma clapping and cheering as I closed my eyes and pulled in a breath of air trying to quell the emotions of holding Bella in my arms. When I opened them, Bella was watching me with such an intensity that it took my breath away. I swallowed thickly in response to her soft body being pressed against mine. I could smell the coconut from her shampoo, it had always been her favorite, and her mouth was unbelievably close to mine. It would take nothing to lean in and kiss her pink pouty lips. Our close proximity caused sparks as hot as molten lava to erupt within me. With a will of its own my body responded and I knew the instant Bella felt it too. A shocked gasp escaped her lips and a blush colored her cheeks.
And just when I was ready to give in and say fuck it and kiss her, I heard Rose calling for Emma, effectively breaking the trance Bella and I had been frozen in.
I realized too late that loosening my hold on Bella had caused her to slide down the front of my body. I groaned and doubled over to catch my breath once she stepped away.
"Can you take her in please?" I choked out, as I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to regain control over my body.
"I…I'm sorry," she whispered.
I shook my head to clear it and then replied. "It's alright, not your fault, go on in. I'll be there in a minute."
"Okay," she returned in a shaky voice.
I opened my eyes in time to see her feet turn and her hand reach out for Emma. She cast another glance my way before turning towards the house. "Let's go, Short Stuff."
What the fuck was that? I screamed in my head.
After picturing being caught in the worst tornado ever in my head, I was finally able to pull myself together enough to head up to the house. By the time I reached the porch steps I had nearly regained my ability to breathe normally again.
I was very relieved that with everyone being so busy paying attention to the over excited birthday girl, no one noticed me slipping in the door.
Well no one but Bella that is. It looked as if she'd been watching the door for me. As soon as our eyes met, a light blush colored her cheeks and she instantly looked at the floor.
I thought again about the conversations I'd had with my aunt and Jasper. If I really wanted to give in to what I truly wanted, I had to start somewhere neutral. I had to get to know Bella again and see if we could even be friends before we considered anything more. That wasn't gonna happen if we didn't come to some sort of a truce over our past. Especially since the more I thought about it the more I realized that any lingering anger I had left was directed at her daddy.
Before Bella had come back, I hadn't ever thought I'd be able to forgive her no matter what her reason was. She had ripped my heart out, but somehow, she'd also taken it with her, leaving me unable to have a relationship with another woman the couple of times I'd tried. Because of that I had sentenced myself to only have a one-night stand here and there when out on the road, when the urge hit me.
Now having learned all that I had I could finally see that if I ever wanted to move forward with Bella, or any other woman for that matter, I had to put the past behind me where it belonged. Doing so would start with offering Bella my forgiveness and friendship.
Later that afternoon when things had settled down, I caught Bella glancing my way and I took the opportunity to nod my head for her to follow me outside. At first, she gave me a look of surprise and then one of confusion, but when I made the motion again and mouthed please to her, she nodded her head in agreement.
Once outside I sat on the porch swing and waited. A few moments later the screen door squeaked and I looked up and saw Bella coming out.
"Edward I'm so so—," she started apologizing.
I held my hand up to stop her. "It's okay. That's not why I wanted you to come out here."
"But—are you sure?"
"Yes, I promise. It wasn't your fault. Not really. We were both just trying to make Emma happy. It was just a freak incident. That's all."
She had an eyebrow raised at me as if she didn't really believe me. Most likely because she had felt my body react to being so close to her, but it still didn't mean it was really her fault.
"I just feel like I should have told Emma no," she told me.
"I could have said no just as easily as you. If anything we might both be partly to blame for caving to the tiny tornado's demands. But that's it," I assured her.
"If you say so."
"I do."
"So then what did you want?" she asked.
I patted the seat next to me on the swing in invitation for her to come sit down.
"I uh…I need to get a few things off my chest and I figured the sooner the better," I told her. She looked at me with surprise and skepticism. I couldn't blame her after how things had been going between us since she'd been back. To reassure her I added, "It's nothing bad, I promise."
"Okay," she replied hesitantly.
I blew out a long gust of air as I figured out where to start. So I began with, "First before I go any further, I have a question for you."
"What's that?" The shakiness of her voice gave away her nerves.
"Why didn't you ever come back? No Thanksgivings, not for Christmas and not even when Emma was born. Why?"
She sighed. "At first it was because I was so sick about what I'd done, I could barely function. I knew I'd ripped out your heart. That I had caused you that kind of pain. And I began drowning in my guilt over it. Even though I believed I'd had to do it for your own good, it still killed me knowing I'd hurt you like that. It had um gotten so bad that first summer in Miami that my roommate had called Emmett to come and get me because she was so worried about me."
"That must have been where Emmett went for that week in August that year," I mumbled, not realizing I'd said it out loud until she confirmed my suspicion.
"Yeah, it was. Of course at the time Emmett didn't have any idea of what had gone down between me and Daddy so his threat of renting a car and putting me in it and driving me back here was enough of a scare for me to pull my shit together."
"I see." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "Why didn't you ask me to go with you? You could have told me anything ya know. That you changed your mind about what school you wanted to go to, what you wanted to do with your life. Anything, and I'd have gone with you, Bella."
"I know," she whispered.
"You know? You know and yet you never asked? Damnit, Bella, why?"
I saw the flash of pain shoot across her face and then how quickly it turned to anger.
"I'm sorry," I quickly told her. "I promised you this wasn't going to be a bad talk, and I really meant that."
I stood and walked to the end of the porch and back to her to release some of the tension building in me.
"Can you please tell me why?" I asked.
She nodded and twisted her long hair around her hand before she started. "I wanted you to be able to have your dreams. I knew what you wanted to do with your life, we'd talked about it so many times, and I didn't want you to have to give that up for me. I didn't think I was worth it," she told me, the last part coming out so softly I barely heard it.
I stopped and kneeled in front of her. When she kept staring at the floor of the porch I gently lifted her chin. Softly I said, "You were my dream, Bella. The life we talked about sharing was just half of it, my dream was to share my future with you, wherever that was or whatever I was doing. As long as it was with you, that was all that mattered to me."
"I messed up so badly, Edward," she sobbed, tears now streaming down her face. "I was just so lost, and Daddy kept pushing me to go, so I did. I know it doesn't seem like much, but I truly am so sorry."
Without thinking I moved back up onto the swing next to her and pulled her into my arms. "I know," I whispered as I buried my face in her hair, overcome by my own emotions.
"You do?" she asked in between sniffles. She sat back and swiped away the tears on her cheeks.
"Yes, and that's why I wanted to talk to you tonight. I believe you're sorry, Bella, and I forgive you."
She gasped in shock as her eyes remained locked on mine, searching to see the truth behind my words. After a few moments she looked away but still didn't say anything. For a second I began to wonder if she'd heard me or not, but then she looked up again, her eyes filled with tears again and she said, "Thank you." She shivered and then went on to add, "I never wanted to hurt you, or anyone else for that matter. It will always be the biggest regret of my life. I was just so lost back then and—"
"I get it. At least now I do. Now that I know everything and I've had some time to consider how you must have felt, I can understand why you felt you had to leave. And….and in all honesty I still love you. I never stopped—"
"Oh, Edward. I—"
"Wait let me finish, please?" I begged her.
She nodded. I took her hand in mine and played with her fingers.
"The truth is that while I believe I still love you, and believe me I tried real hard not to. But while I do, the truth is that the girl I love is gone. You're not that girl any more than I'm the same guy you left behind,"
"You're right. So where does that leave us?" she asked.
"I, um… I don't know exactly. But what I do know is that I'd like to get to know who you are now. Where that takes us, I have no idea. But maybe someday we'll figure all this out, and I think being friends again would be a good place to start."
Bella's eyes had a hint of a sparkle in them as she replied, "Having your forgiveness is far more than I could have ever hoped for, Edward. I'd love the chance to get to know you and be your friend again and…and wherever else that might lead us."
The knot I'd had in my stomach when I'd come out here had finally begun to unravel. I smiled at her and held out my hand, "Friends?"
"Friends," she declared as she reached out to take my hand, but instead of shaking it, she pulled me into a hug and flung her arms around my neck. Unable to resist I hugged her back, enjoying being able to have her in my arms, even if it were just as a friend. When we heard some voices over by the door, I released her and said, "How about a piece of cake?"
Bella snorted. "You mean if there's any left. Have you forgotten how much my brother loves cake?"
"Shit, we may be too late," I agreed.
"Only one way to find out," Bella decided.
"True."
I pulled her off the swing and gave her a soft shove towards the door. When I did, she turned and stuck her tongue out at me and took off for the door.
I waited a few seconds so I wasn't right behind Bella going back in the house. While I was sure most everyone already knew we were out here together, I didn't want it to be so obvious that we were instantly slammed with question after question. However as soon as I was opening the door to enter it, Alice was standing in front of me, pushing me back out the door.
"Got a minute for your twinsie?" she asked.
"Always. What's up, Allie Cat?"
We both made our way over to the porch swing I had been sitting on with Bella.
"Well that's what I was hoping you were going to tell me," she said as we sat down. She pulled her legs up under her and turned to face me.
"What do you want to know, Alice?" It was easier to just flat out ask her what she wanted. My sister had a way of getting the answers she wanted regardless and I was not only tired, but mentally drained and really just wanted to go home at this point.
"Let's start with what was going on earlier down by the swings. I don't know what that was but it looked pretty intense, so what happened there?" she wanted to know.
"Long story short, Emma was jumping from the swing and I was catching her. She then decided that since it was her birthday I should catch Bella too, just because she wanted me too."
"So you did?"
"Yes. Bella and I both protested, but you know how Emma can be a force to be reckoned with when she wants something…"
"She played the birthday girl card?" Alice asked, already knowing my answer.
"Sure did."
"She got Emmett with it earlier. She convinced him that because it's her birthday she should get ice cream for dessert after every meal today."
I chuckled and shook my head in amazement over the power of persuasion Emma had over all of us.
"I know, right?" Alice asked, laughing with me. "Anyways," she added. "So Bella jumped off the swing and you caught her, what made that so intense?"
"Let's just say, I um, once she landed in my arms, I uh, reacted in unexpected ways."
"Huh?"
"My body, Alice, it reacted to Bella. You know, like a man reacts to a woman, Like Jasper might react to holding you." I shot her a look, begging her to get it without me having to say more.
"Huh?" she asked. "What did she knee you in the—"
"No, Mary Alice. Think," I insisted.
She was quite for a minute and then it hit her. I could see the moment of recognition as it became clear to her.
"Ooooh," she replied.
"Yeah. Now that's all I'm saying," I told her.
"That must have been really…awkward," she said. I was immensely grateful for her choice of words compared to what she could have chosen.
"I still love her, Alice. Maybe I shouldn't after everything, but God help me, I do."
"I know," she said softly. I got the feeling she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or bad thing that I'd just admitted to. She scooted over and hugged me.
"I have just one problem with that," she admitted, looking up at me, searching my eyes for whatever answer she was wanting.
"What's that?"
"Do you love her, who she is now? Or are you still in love with the girl she used to be?"
You've just figured out the billion-dollar question, sister.
"To be completely honest, Allie, I don't really know. But what I do know is that I am ready to find out."
"Really?" She had a hint of excitement in her voice. She'd once told me years ago that she'd felt Bella and me had always been meant to be, that one day it would all work out. Knowing how much she loved being right, it didn't surprise me one bit that she'd be excited by the prospect of any possibility of Bella and me reuniting.
"Really. That's actually what we were out here talking about."
I went on to tell her a bit about my and Bella's talk and how I'd forgiven her. She was happy that if nothing else it seemed like Bella and me were in a place where we could at least be friends.
"I need one more promise from you, twinsie," she requested.
"What?"
"Now that you and Bella have begun to iron things out and can stand being in the same room as each other, will you promise me to try and be around more often?"
"Al—"
"Wait," she said, holding her hand to stop me.
"I know I have been a bit MIA myself. And I know this time of the year your job keeps you away a lot. But what I am about to tell you, stays between us. Okay?"
"Okay," I promised.
"Jasper and I have been trying to get pregnant for a while now. It's not been going so well. And well…it's made it a little hard to be around Rose. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled for her and Emmett. But you know how fertile she is. If it's in the wind, she's knocked up," she said, laughing lightly.
"You know everyone would understand," I reminded her.
"Yeah, I do. But I am just not ready to share it with everyone yet."
"Well I won't say anything. But I am asking the same of you. Bella and me don't need everyone butting in or pressuring us about our relationship as we get to know each other again."
"That makes sense," she replied. "I love you, Edward, you know I'm here for you, right?"
"Yes, Allie, I do. I just don't want to interfere with you and Bella reconnecting."
"You won't. We're actually doing pretty good. I'm going to help her with re-designing her old house."
"That's good. Just remember, same goes for you, you can come to me too," I told her, my eyebrow raised, letting her know I was serious.
"I know. No more of this distance crap, I promise."
"Me too," I promised, getting up and pulling her with me. "I am gonna head inside and say goodnight. I am still pooped from my last chase.
"What are you gonna do if you and Bella work things out? Won't it be hard to be gone so much?" she asked.
"I hadn't really thought about it, I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it," I said honestly.
"Okay." She gave me a big hug and I was glad she accepted I didn't have all the answers right now.
Later that night as I laid on top a few bales of hay stacked behind the barn, staring at the stars, I thought about how glad I was to clear the air with Alice and talk things out with her, and of course Bella was always on my mind too. How we used to watch the stars from the bed of my truck down by the lake. The more I thought about it, I realized I didn't have the surge of ambivalent and painful feelings that used to come with memories of our past time together. It felt good, lighter. It occurred to me that finally being able to let go of the anger I'd held on to for all these years and forgive her, lifted a huge weight off of me. It felt good.
Real good.
I knew getting to know Bella again could take some time, but I also knew that I really wanted it, so it would be worth the time.
I ran my hand through my hair and tugged on it. I'd be lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was still warning me to be cautious. But I really did want to learn who she was now and see where things went.
Learning to communicate with each other again was going to be huge for us. There was a time when Bella and I could practically read each other's thoughts and finish each other's sentences.
Just go slow, I told myself.
Sighing I pulled myself up off the hay to head inside. Yawning I took one last look up at the stars and made my way upstairs.
I could do this. We could do this…be…friends.
Maybe more…Someday.
Well finally some good progress, Yes? I hope you all enjoyed it. I can't wait to see what you thought.
Thanks for reading,
~EA