Happy Monday, Everyone. I know last time I left you wondering what was up with Edward. This chapter should help clear that up. Thank you to My-Bella for all her help and for wielding her magic editing pen. Trust me, I work her hard. Who needs all those dang commas, anyways? LOL

Disclaimer: Obviously, I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. But I wish I did.

If you want love, you gon' have to go through the pain
If you want love, you gon' have to learn how to change
If you want trust, you gon' have to give some away
If you want love, if you want love

~by NF~

Late Thursday evening…

~Bella~

The knock on my bedroom door startled me awake. I'd been sitting in the window seat of my room watching it rain and I must have dozed off. The weather matched my mood as if the skies were crying for me.

"Bella, honey," Mae called softly from the other side of the door. "Can I talk to you for a minute please?"

"Um, sure. One minute." I stood and took a deep breath, wiping at my face with the end of the shirt sleeve I was wearing, like it was going to magically erase the fact I'd been crying. Even when sleep came, I still couldn't find peace from the heartache I was feeling.

I quickly gathered the wadded up tissues that had fallen on the floor when I'd stood up. I tossed them into the trash can, catching sight of the darkened sky. I must have been out for at least a couple of hours. Sleep hadn't come easy since my fallout with Edward and the lack of rest was wearing on me.

Opening my door, Esme stepped in. Shutting it behind her, she immediately pulled me into a big, warm, motherly hug.

"Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry." She tightened her arms around me.

Wrapped in the warmth and safety her hug provided the flood gates opened and tears were falling whether I wanted them to or not.

"Where did I go wrong? How did I misread him so horribly?" I sobbed.

"You didn't, sweetie," she said gently. Nudging me back she said, "I had a feeling you've been up here beating yourself up. Come on over here, lets sit down." She motioned to my bed before grabbing me a tissue and handing it to me.

I sat down next to her on my bed. She leaned over and hugged me again.

"Has Edward ever talked to you about his parents?" she asked.

I thought back to the time right after Edward and Alice had moved here. I couldn't recall him really telling me much about them. I remember him mourning them, but also seeming kinda relieved to be living here now.

"Not a whole lot," I told her. "He briefly talked about how they died, and also how they weren't the most affectionate parents. That his grandparents were much the same and that played a huge part of why him and Alice chose to come live with you and Carlisle and not stay in Chicago." I couldn't help wondering where she was going with this. Why she was bringing up Edward and Alice's parents now.

"Mmmmm," she hummed. "All those things are true, but it goes a bit deeper than that for Edward. I'm not even sure if Alice knows what I'm about to tell you."

"Are you sure you should tell me?" I'd never want her to betray Edward's trust. Even if it did help me understand what might be going on with him. "I don't want him to be mad at you."

"It's true he could be upset with me for telling you. But I think it's worth the risk for you to understand what might be going on with him. What may have caused his reaction."

"Have you seen him?" I asked unable to help myself.

"Not really." she replied. "Carl went down yesterday morning and Edward refused to open the door, yelled he was fine, to go away. Carl told him if he didn't see him at the house soon, he'd be back. I think Carl is going back in the mornin'."

I nodded. I'd been wondering if maybe Edward had gone out on another chase or if he was hiding out, being just as miserable as I was. Pretty sure Mae had just given me my answer. However, if he was as miserable as me, I didn't understand why he was being so damn stubborn about talking it out with me.

Unless he didn't want to.

"What was it you wanted to tell me?" I could admit to myself that even if I didn't want Edward to be mad at her for whatever it was, I still was really curious to know it.

"To say Ed Sr. and Liz weren't affectionate was right. In fact, Ed rarely showed any emotion at all. I didn't know either of them very well, but Carl had once told me that all Ed ever wanted was to get out of this God forsaken, Podunk, small, country town. There had been tension between Ed and his father. Earl wanted both his sons to take up the family ranching business and Ed couldn't get away from it fast enough. So as soon as he finished high school, he was off to Chicago and law school. That's where he met Liz."

So that was how Edward and Alice ended up being from Chicago. I'd never known how since I did know his father and Carl were brothers and this ranch had been in the family for many generations.

"Sounds like Carl and Ed were very different," I told her.

"Very," she agreed. "When Ed met and married Liz towards the end of his schooling, we all thought perhaps he was softening up a little, that love would do that for him. Unfortunately, we all later learned that his marriage to Liz was more of a contract of convivence than it was one made on emotion."

"What do you mean?" Was she saying they didn't love each other at all? I couldn't fathom marrying a man, any man, out of some sort of convenience.

"Apparently Liz's father was a very rich and successful lawyer up there and was also a very controlling father. Liz had an inheritance that she couldn't touch until she was married to a man approved of by her parents, and Ed wanted a job at a successful law firm where he'd have the opportunity to become partner."

"Wow," I murmured. "Guess they each had something to offer each other, but I just can't imagine marrying for that alone."

"I can't either, Sweetie."

"But what does that have to do with Edward and Alice?" I wanted to know. She hadn't brought them up in her story yet.

"To say that Ed and Liz were strict with their children was an understatement. We'd known they were strict to a degree, but didn't learn just how hard they were on them until the kids were living with us. They were treated more as wards, responsibilities, not children to love and cherish. But that wasn't what caused Edward so much grief." She cleared her throat and took a deep breath before continuing. "As you can imagine, the type of marriage Ed and Liz had was not a good example of caring or love."

"No, I suppose not," I agreed.

"They both wanted a certain lifestyle, money, power, glitz and high society. And things," she added, distaste filling her voice. "They were consumed with what they had and it being better than anyone they knew. Didn't want anything at all to get in their way. Nothing to slow them down or hold them back."

The more she told me the harder it was to believe these two horrible humans had created Edward and Alice. "Oh, God." I said clasping my hand over my mouth as a horrible realization hit me. "They didn't want kids, did they?"

"No, they didn't. Not even one, much less two. Liz was beside herself when she learned she was carrying twins."

"Sounds like they shouldn't have had any," I stated. "So why did they? And what does that have to do with Edward and me?"

"They tried not to, but apparently Liz had taken some medication that interfered with her birth control and the pressure by her parents to have them is all that kept her from ending the pregnancy. After all, if her father was happy it would benefit Ed in the law firm.

"In their younger more formable years, Edward and Alice never had a good example of what a loving, caring marriage was like. They both were sent to boarding school, and cared for by a nanny until they eventually started coming down here for the summers and such. It's my understanding that they were actually quite fond of the nanny. But her mother became ill and she was forced to go care for her. That is when Edward and Alice began spending more time down here. Carl and I had actually begged Liz and Ed to allow them to live with us much earlier, knowing they'd get the love and care they weren't getting in the private schools they were being shipped off to. Of course, they refused. But it was that last summer shortly before Ed and Liz died. Edward had been going to ask his mother something when he overheard his parents arguing about what a burden they were. How they never wanted children and wished they'd not caved to the pressure her mother had put on them. Why couldn't they just stay at boarding school all the time or be shipped off with his country bumpkin brother who wanted more kids but couldn't have them. But her father wouldn't hear of Edward and Alice going anywhere but to the most prestigious schools. They were the future of his lineage after all."

I gasped in shock. "My God, they were monsters."

"Yes. And a week later Ed and Liz died. And that brings me to the reason for telling you all of this." She took my hand in one of hers, and brushed my hair back from my face with her other. "Bella when you left it triggered something that had been festering in Edward for years. The Nanny, Sue, she had been the only one to have ever shown Edward and Alice any real affection and she had left. Yes, to care for her mother, but still she left them. Then not only did he overhear his father say he didn't want them, but they died."

"And then a couple years later I left," I added, my heart aching for Edward. Alice too.

"Yes. And he spiraled into a depression thinking no one wanted him, no one ever cared enough to stay."

I felt like the air had literally been knocked out of me. My chest ached with a crushing pain for Edward. "Jesus, no wonder he instantly jumped to the assumption that I was leaving again. He's never going to forgive me. I knew I should have just told him, but I was so damned determined to surprise him I—"

"Stop that right this instant," Mae demanded in a firm but still loving tone. "Now you listen to me, Isabella Marie, I did not come up here and tell you this for you to beat yourself up or to place blame on you. Yes, you leaving hurt him, but you were hurting too and did what you needed for yourself. What you needed to heal. There's nothing to be ashamed about."

"But—"

"No buts about it. What Charlie did to you was deplorable, even if it was his grief that drove him to it. Edward missed you something fierce when you were in Miami and I am sure you missed him too. He did go to therapy and got himself sorted out. But I do suspect his assumption that you were leaving again triggered some old wounds. Again, Sweetie, I am not here to lay blame on you. I am here to help you understand and to ask you to just give him some time. He can be a stubborn ass at times, but he loves you. The love the two of you have is as strong as mine and Carl's, Emmett and Rose's, and Alice and Jasper's. It would not have survived all this time if it weren't. I just wanted you to understand what I believe is going on and ask you to not make any rash decisions until he's had a little time to process. To pull his head out of his ass."

I sat there for a moment and let what she'd said sink in. Everything she'd said made sense. But I still had one problem with it all.

Sighing I promised her, "I can do that. I won't make any decisions. At least not yet, not until I've come back from Miami. I can't imagine how horrible it was for Edward to overhear what he'd heard and to suffer so many losses in his life. I just don't know if I can go to him or if I even should be the one to make the first move. I feel like it has to be him. I love him so much. I want to be with him. But I can't keep apologizing for the past. If our relationship is going to work, he's going to have to trust me. Believe in our relationship. What if I have to travel for work, or I just want to go visit my friends in Miami? I can't live in fear that he'll freak out every time that I'm not coming back."

"You're right. He is going to have to trust you. All I am asking is that you give him time and the opportunity to open up to you himself."

"I can do that," I assured her.

"Thank you. You know we love you as well and want you to be happy too." She pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. I hadn't realized just how badly I needed it until she had her arms wrapped around me and was stroking my hair as a mother would do.

"I love you guys too. So much."

"We know, honey. We know." She gave me one more squeeze then got up. "Try to get some sleep."

"I will. And Mae, thank you."

"You're welcome, Darlin."

She left the room, leaving me to my thoughts. Sleep was gonna be hard to come by tonight.

Friday late afternoon…

~Edward~

I was woken up by the pounding on my door.

"Edward?" Uncle Carl called. "Son, I know you're in there. Open up. I'm coming in whether you want me to or not."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. My back groaning and aching as I did. My couch was not meant to be slept on. But my bed smelled like her. A logical person would change the sheets, but I couldn't do that either.

"You gonna make me bust in the door?"

Sighing in resignation that he wouldn't leave me be this time, I stood to let him in. "I'm coming."

I opened the door and turned to go back to the couch. "I'm fine. I don't need you to check on me like I'm a child."

"I can see that," he retorted, looking around the space.

Following his gaze, I realized how much of an idiot I sounded like as I took in the mess of take-out containers and empty water and beer bottles.

"It smells like you're fine too. Guess I'm not needed after all. I thought maybe you were hurting and could use a shoulder to lean on. Clearly, I was wrong," he huffed, picking up the bottle of whiskey and two shot glasses I hadn't even noticed when he'd first come in. "I'll just leave you to it then. You know where to find me if you decide to pull your head out of that stubborn as hell ass of yours."

He'd just turned the door knob and was about to pull it open. "Wait. I'm sorry," I mumbled, ashamed of my behavior towards him. My uncle was the best man I knew. Most caring man I knew and more of a father to me in the last almost seven years of my life than my own father had ever been in the sixteen years of my life he'd been alive.

"What was that? Did you say something?" He cupped his hand around his ear as if he was trying to listen in on something.

I couldn't help the small smile that formed on my lips at his sarcastic gesture. "I'm sorry," I repeated louder, clearer this time.

He released a long sigh and started back towards me. "I know you are, son."

The next question shot out of my mouth before I'd had the thought to stop it. "Is she gone?"

"That depends on what you mean by gone. If you mean did she fly down to Miami to bring back the rest of her things, then yes. She left this morning. Your Aunt drove her to the airport."

I nodded, not sure if I had a right to ask how she was.

"Go ahead. Say whatever it is that has your gears spinning so hard. I can see them working overtime," he urged, a slight smirk on his face.

I scrubbed my hand over my face a few times before finally getting the words out. "How is she?"

"About the same as you. A mess. Her friend Jessica offered to pack her belongings up for her and ship them, but Bella refused to let her take that on."

My heart felt as if a fist was tightening around it, knowing she was hurting as much as I was.

"How is she getting it all back here anyways? Is she shipping it?" I wondered.

"Oh so now you're admitting you believe she's coming back," he prodded, quirking a questioning eyebrow at me while waiting for an answer.

"I hope she is."

"Why?" He sat the bottle of bourbon on the coffee table and proceeded to open it and pour us both a shot. Handing me one, he added, "To get you out of your own head so you can be honest. A little liquid courage."

I tossed back the shot, feeling the burn of its warmth as I thought about what he'd asked. I tapped my shot glass on the table for a refill. I knew if there was anyone in this world I could be completely honest with, it was my uncle. But yeah, a little liquid courage never hurt no one.

He picked up the bottle and started to pour but then sat it back down instead. "You going to be honest?" The question came out more as a warning than if he was asking me. But I knew he simply meant he wasn't going to tolerate me spouting off a bunch of bullshit excuses. Him and Aunt Mae knew what I'd gone through before so there was no reason to hide from him.

I nodded and then added, "Yeah," for good measure.

He gave us both a refill and we both downed them quickly.

"What's going on, Son?" It was how he'd always addressed me. How he'd always made me feel too.

"I…I panicked. I panicked and then froze."

"Why," he pushed.

"You know why," I told him.

"I think I do, but even so I want to hear it from you," he challenged, not really leaving me another option. Well other than to shut down on him, but that would likely go over like a snowball in hell.

I tugged on my hair as I swallowed a long breath and released it. Closing my eyes to center my thoughts I took another deep breath, opened my eyes, and started." I panicked because at first, I was taken back to when she left before. And because all I could think for that brief moment was not again."

"And…"

"And what? That's all it took for the damage to be done. And once it was, I was stuck in a funk and didn't know how to fix it. Didn't know what to say to her."

"You said you hoped she'd come back. Why?"

I should have known he'd come back around to that. When I hesitated, he asked another question.

"Do you love her? And I mean truly love her. Not who she was before, or what you two had before."

"Yes," I whispered. It was the first time I'd admitted it to anyone including myself, or voiced it out loud.

"You're scared."

I nodded.

"Do you want a future with Bella?" he asked. "Long term?"

I couldn't help the low chuckle that escaped at his line of questioning.

"When I'm with her all my fears disappear. I look in her eyes and I see everything. A future, marriage, kids, the whole damn thing."

"I thought so," he admitted. "I'd have been surprised if you'd said anything else."

He got up and came over to sit by me.

"How were you so sure?"

"Because when you admitted you love her just now, I noticed you rubbing your hand over your heart and you had this look on your face like you were in physical pain. I don't even think you realized you did it."

"I didn't."

"You know its okay to be scared. You've suffered a lot of loss in your life and unfortunately some of that loss came from Bella. My suggestion would be to give your old therapist a call."

"I'd been thinking about that," I confessed.

"Good. Because you are going to have to find a way to tell Bella why you had the reaction you did. Explain to her how its not just about her leaving before. If you want this relationship to work, to last, you have to be willing to go through the pain. It's not always going to be easy. You have to be able to weather the storms, as well as relish the good times. Learn to trust her. Trust that she isn't going to leave you permanently again. Trust in the love you have. And your therapist will be able to help you with that."

"I will," I promised him.

He leaned over and gave me a hug and held on to me for a few moments. There had been times in the past when I'd wished him and Aunt Mae had been my and Alice's parents our whole lives, and this was another one. But at least we had them now.

When Uncle Carl stood, he looked around and said, "Why don't you come on up to the house for some dinner? I know your aunt would like to see you. See that you're doing alright."

"Okay. I should probably clean up around here first."

He laughed. "You should take a shower too."

I stupidly raised my arm and sniffed my pit. Damn. "Uh yeah, I'll be sure to do that too."

He laughed again and patted me on the shoulder. "I love you, son."

"You too, Uncle Carl. And thank you."

He nodded and made his way to the door. Just as he turned the handle Dottie barked and whimpered from where she was lying across what looked to be Bella's pillow. From where I was standing it appeared she'd dragged it to the end of the bed and made it her spot. Guess my dog missed her too.

"Go on," I motioned for her to follow Uncle Carl out.

"Can you just let her run for a bit?" I asked him. "She's not been out much the last few days."

"Sure. I'll see you in a bit. I'll let your aunt know to set a place for you at the table," he said, letting me know there was no backing out. I'd best be there like I'd said. Then he was out the door, with Dottie hot on his heels.

So how are we feeling now? Drop me a review and let me know. If you still have any questions leave those too and I will try to answer them.

Thanks so much for still being here with me. You are very appreciated.

Until next time,

~EA