Shock shot through Connie's chest at the prince's appearance. So immersed in Jason's love, she'd totally forgotten they hadn't locked the door. She hadn't exactly expected to go this far…. But he was so wonderful she was drawn to him as if by a magnet, unable to keep away. She was a little fuzzy as to the reason why they needed to stop at all, except of course they couldn't exactly continue with someone else present. Hopefully the translucent canopy had shielded most details.
Remembering the state of her undress, she pulled the covers up over her shirt. Heat flooded over her face, chasing away the shock and replacing it with embarrassment. But they weren't doing something wrong, just—meant only for them.
"I—I'm sorry," said James. "I was just—this was Luna's room. I wanted to see if…there were any clues. But I…don't want to interrupt." He blushed. "I—sorry," he muttered and turned away.
"Wait," said Jason, stepping off the bed. "It's your palace. We're just here by invitation." He glanced back at Connie as if asking permission; she nodded. "Besides, if there are clues, we don't want to keep you from them."
The prince turned around, looking hesitant. "I can come back later."
"Maybe it would be better if we don't use her room. Since she's still lost."
"It's not really her room. She…was just the last one here. It's been cleaned since." Despair haunted his face. He'd probably scrounged up a semblance of hope, only for it to dissipate.
"Maybe there's something the cleaners missed. I could help you look."
"Well…if you wouldn't mind. You know what to look for."
"I want to do anything I can to help Luna."
Connie slid off the bed. She couldn't help but feel disappointed—what Jason had been doing to her had been driving her crazy—in a good way. And she wanted to see where it was going. But now—well, she couldn't exactly reassemble her clothes while James was there. She looked through the wardrobe and found an elegant mauve robe, which she tugged over her shoulders.
"I don't know if I know what I'm looking for either," she said, "but… if an extra set of eyes can help…."
"That'd be great," said James, looking at her gratefully but his face still a little flushed, not quite meeting her eyes. Embarrassment swept through her, but it wasn't as if she'd actually been undressed or anything… She didn't want to think of how awkward it would have been if it had gone much further.
She searched the room, but didn't exactly know what she was doing, so she felt her eyes straying to Jason instead. His strong back, his sculpted bicep, muscles rippling along his side as he leaned over…. Ah! Her heartbeat thudded hard in her chest. Longing racing through her. If James wasn't there, she'd tackle him, smother him in kisses…
He and James looked together by the window; Connie couldn't help but compare them, how they looked like they could be father and son. A twinge shot through her heart at this…. Jason could have had a little boy or even a teenager by now. Or… Jeremiah could have looked like that… a prince in his own right.
A keen, piercing joy swept through her—almost at the edge of pain, but it was more happiness for a glimpse into what could have been than sorrow for what was lost. Perhaps she could finally let go of the pain she'd been holding onto because it was all she had left of him. And the memories… of knowing he was growing inside her and of loving that tiny baby so, so much…. Of imagining who he would be before those images had been poisoned by grief…. But now. She was willing to imagine whatever version of him was in heaven, and know he was happy, and know he was forever beyond all pain or sorrow. He wouldn't want her to hold onto grief. To miss out on something wonderful just because of what she'd lost. To not move forward into a future that was beautiful beyond imagining…. To cling to the past, to mere shadows, when he had moved into a place of joy and was not suffering. He was with the source of love now and so she didn't have to keep mourning. She had lost, but he was not lost. Not forever. And there was so much more life for her to live…. She'd been treading forward cautiously, but maybe now was time to embrace it fully, not linger partly in shadow, partly in sunshine…. To not forget, to never forget, all he mean to her, but that meant knowing what she'd lost and remembering him, fully appreciating the blessings she still had, the blessings God had for her in her future if she'd only be open to them. She'd had to feel the pain, perhaps… but now was no longer the time to mourn. Now was the time to be fully present and adore what she had, because you never knew how long you had it….
Fresh tears spilled from her eyes; she hadn't even realized she'd been crying. She turned away, toward the window, so Jason and James wouldn't see. But she could feel the presence of the one she loved behind her, his being thrumming, as if she could sense his soul, the soul she was bound to intricately…. The one she hadn't given all her love to in a long time. The one who deserved so, so much for sticking by her faithfully, walking with her patiently through shadow. Waiting for her to emerge into the sunshine.
Oh, my Jason… I'm sorry. I love you so, so much. I need you…. I need you now. All of that glorious love I shut myself off from…. You're more amazing than anything I could imagine, each time I'm with you blows the last time away. How could I keep myself cut off from you…. from all that we are.
Yet… she gave herself the grace to grieve. It was okay to be sad for what you lost. She'd just gone a little too far…. Gone away from Jason, for an incomprehensible reason. Because his touch reminded her of her son…. My son. Her heart ached anew. But it had been wrong to punish Jason… wrong to fear having another child so much that she kept herself from all he deserved—and all she longed for.
I probably would have healed faster if I hadn't cut myself off from him….. I needed some space but… it went too far. Now… I'm trying to get rid of the guilt. To just be us again. Can we shed the past, forget it completely, embrace our love? We were doing a pretty good job of it about half an hour ago… almost to the point of forgetting what happened between us. If only we hadn't been interrupted….
She glanced at James, earnestly searching behind the dresser. Jason helped pull the dresser away from the wall, and Connie's heart soared as she reveled in the beauty of his muscles.
The game had helped shed most residual guilt, although she still felt she had to make up for lost time. For lost touches, for the pain she'd put him through. Smother it forever, drown it in torrents of love. She found it hard to discover any objections… What reason did she have to keep herself from him again?
To keep herself from conceiving a potential baby. Now, that objection seemed flimsy, too. Not to replace the one she'd lost but to give her another focus of love. Fill that empty space where her arms longed to cradle a newborn. Adopt some older kids because they needed it—and have a baby at the same time. God would help her, if it was his will they have a flood of kids at once. She delighted in this prospect rather than dreaded it. Being with the kids today and being with Nika had helped. She realized she had a much larger space in her heart than she'd thought. Not just one, but many, it could encompass. Love didn't diminish with more objects; it only increased.
There was one object of love, though, that she loved with such burning fire she didn't know if she could contain it…. Soft, gentle touches and passionate kisses were wonderful, but were just the appetizers. She wanted the main course.
Yearning burst through her and she had to grasp the window sill so she didn't collapse, her knees weak because of the love surging through her.
Get ahold of yourself, Connie. Someone else is in here… you don't want to fall apart completely. It wouldn't be seemly.
Ha. I'm thinking in medieval words again. Not like I haven't read my fair share of romances…. But I have my living, breathing knight right here.
She forced herself to move, look around the room, going back over places she'd looked before. Sincerely looking, though her movements became mechanical and her vision blurred when her mind swept back to the sensations raging through her as he kissed her…. The light stubble scratching slightly but she didn't mind; it only provided a new dimension…
"What's this?" said James. He picked up a piece of crumpled paper from under the dresser, swiped off the cobwebs, smoothed it out. "Oh! It's from Luna." He sat down on the bed, looking faint. She didn't blame him; she'd probably feel the same if she'd lost the one she loved.
Lost. I could lose him.
No. That's not going to happen.
But if it did… and you hadn't given him all of your love after how much we've been apart… after I could've been loving him all along…
You never know how long you have.
A spear hit her heart and she sat down beside James.
He read the letter, his lips moving, following the lines with his finger. He seemed to go over it several times, as if looking for clues. Then he looked up, tears shining in his eyes. "I think…it's a draft of a letter she never gave me… I don't think there are any clues, though. She was snatched without warning. So… no one knew beforehand. It's only—" He stopped, looked down. He pursed his lips, his brow furrowed.
"What is it?"
James shook his head. "I better get back. I'm sorry."
"No, don't be sorry. It was worth it. You found something from her."
"Yeah…" He pressed his hands to the paper, as if he could feel her through it; pressed it to his chest. "Thank you." He looked at Jason then Connie.
She laid a hand on his shoulder. "I know…how I would feel if the one I love was gone." She looked at Jason; his eyes gleamed with love, sparking through the space between them.
"I just wish…" said James. "Well… she won't be the same even if she's found. They…they probably hurt her."
Connie thought of the young agent Jason had just witnessed on the video and shuddered. "Maybe…." She didn't want to give him false hope. But there still was hope. "We'll find her in time."
"It might already be too late…" His voice was broken. "Even if it's not, she's been through so much. I don't know how I'll comfort her… maybe she won't even want to be with me anymore."
"She loves you. Like you love her."
"But—I didn't do all I could to protect her! I should've been with her…. I should go look for her…."
"You'd better not do that," said Jason. "If you went off on your own and they were able to kidnap you…it would be a matter of national security. You don't just represent yourself."
"I wish…Dad would just abdicate then I would be a regular citizen."
"That probably wouldn't help either. You'd have to be a trained agent to do any good, and even then…." His eyes shadowed. "They hurt agents too."
"What is the point then? They're going to win! They're better than all of us. Maybe it is better I'm valuable…maybe I could exchange myself…."
"I would do that in a heartbeat," said Jason, "if it were Connie…. But they might not honor the deal. It would compromise your father. No way out unless he paid them a ransom or something. Or agents found you eventually… They wouldn't give up a high value target easily, even if they did honor the deal and let Luna go."
"But…what can I do?"
"I hate to say this, but there isn't much you can do. Just…stay out of the way. See if you can think of any clues."
"Maybe I could go to a hypnotist, see if I remembered something."
"It's true you might have seen someone suspicious that is buried in your memory."
"I feel so helpless…."
"We found some kids today. There's still hope. There's still time."
"She doesn't have time."
"Then there's your father's task force. They're elite, perhaps even extrajudicial. I wouldn't put it past Roderick to use his regal powers to go as far as he could to find her."
James nodded, looking a little mollified. He slid off the bed and stood, clutching the letter. "Well….I better get going. I—" He hurried out of the room. The door slid shut behind him.
"Well…" said Jason, "do you want to keep going or—"
"Oh, keep going," she said, almost without thinking. Her heart of hearts had decided for her beforehand.
Jason stepped over to the door. She was wrung out from her clash of thoughts and feelings. On the verge of a sort of peace, in tandem with a raging inferno of love, burning just under her skin.
The lock clicked.
Her heart thumped hard, skipping a beat, making her head spin.
He sauntered back over, his muscles gilded with brushstrokes of golden sunlight.
"So, where were we?" he said.
She tugged the robe tighter over her chest. "I don't know…this is so pretty I don't want to take it off."
He sat down on the bed beside her. "Well, there's always this…." He swept a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Kissed her cheek. A thrill erupted at his touch.
"And this." She faced him, grasped the back of his neck and kissed his lips. She was gratified to see him close his eyes in bliss. She continued the kiss, meeting his rhythm, slow and luscious. He lifted her onto his lap, their lips never parting, and she wrapped one arm around his back and one around the back of his neck, her hand buried in his hair.
His lips drowned her in wonder. Lifted her to heights beyond imagining. Each nuance of his touch infused her with love. His hands pressed her closer. Oh but to feel him more thoroughly, without this thin veneer of fabric! She wanted to take more than just tastes. If he was up for it…. After all this time, she doubted he wasn't, but it had been a long day….
She pulled away from him a little, slid off of his lap. She couldn't help but be gratified at the disappointment flitting across his face.
"I think…this robe is getting a little hot," she said. "You wouldn't mind taking it off for me, would you?"
His eyes flickered downward, then met her eyes again. "Um…sure."
He hesitated, then, his fingers trembling a little, he reached toward her as she knelt on the bed facing him. Tugged the robe off of her shoulders, slid it away from her chest. His fingertips brushed her shirt a little and sparks of delight danced through her.
His eyes took her in, awe spreading over his face. "Connie…you are so…. So beautiful."
"You too." She touched his chest reverently, swept her fingers down over his stomach. Leaned over and kissed the fading bruise from when she'd fallen into him. Her hand resting on his shoulder, caressing it softly, she asked, "How does it feel?"
"It's—better. I barely feel it anymore and your kisses—any memory of pain fades away."
"I just wish I hadn't been the one to hurt you. I…" She couldn't help the vestige of regret still clinging to her. It always would, in a way, because she'd caused this gap between them that didn't have to be there… Over a month, she'd denied herself the incomparable wonder of his love. She could hardly stand it… Now that she'd decided to let go of the pain, to see her son in a place devoid of suffering, there was really no obstacle of substance between them at all.
He slid his hand across her cheek. "I understand why you…felt like that."
"It was one thing to mourn him. It was another thing to…deny myself something so beautiful. Cut you off, keep from being ourselves together. I only caused more pain!"
"It hit you particularly hard. Because… you were carrying him inside you. Cradling him with your own body. I get why you'd blame yourself. Even though—it totally wasn't your fault."
"Then I projected my guilt onto you because I couldn't handle it. But it wasn't your fault either … to punish you, to… not be with you… after we just were getting to know each other… to not want something so wonderful… now I don't know how I could be so—crazy."
"Grief does that sometimes."
She nodded, flashing back to when she'd lost her mom. And of course Jason had lost his brother and his mom…. He knew more than anyone what it was like. And Jeremiah had been his baby as much as hers. She should have been there for him. Comforted him. Cried with him. She'd missed out on that, too. To mourn alone was…to fade into darkness. He'd been alone in it, and tried to take care of her besides, when she'd been so difficult.
She wrapped her arms gently around him, pressed her cheek to his. Tears trickled down her face. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I was so selfish…."
He stroked the back of her head, fingered her hair gently. "That's okay."
"He was yours too. You lost him."
His chest heaved and warm tears met hers. "I did. I lost him…" A sob shook him and she held him as they cried.
She sat down on the bed beside him, her hand around his back, his around hers. They sat there silently for a moment. Tears damp on her cheeks, clinging to her eyelashes. An ache in her heart, her throat sore. She felt hollowed, worn out, but she felt good. To be with him.
Never again. Never so selfish…. We're a team. We're us, not just "I" anymore. We're one flesh.
She kissed his cheek, tasting the salt of his tears. Slid her finger along his jaw, reveling in the sandpapery feel.
"Maybe I should've shaved," he said, his voice still thick from crying.
"I don't know, it's growing on me." She laughed. "Well, I'm glad it's not actually growing on me."
He laughed. "Yes, you'd look funny with a beard… but you'd still be beautiful."
"I don't know about that."
"I'd still kiss you." He kissed her lightly on the lips.
Her fingers lingered in the stubble on his jaw, sliding her thumb along it. She kissed it for good measure. "I love anything that's a part of you."
"Me too. I mean—"
She laughed, a weight lifting from her chest. One more thing to let him know… she could let it be a surprise but she didn't want to keep him in the dark about something so important. When in doubt, share. That should be my pledge from now on.
First, she wanted to make sure she was taking his feelings into consideration. "How are you feeling? Do you want to head to bed? It was a long day." She rubbed his shoulder absently, not wanting to stop touching him at least in one way.
He glanced at the window. "It was a long day. I got to bed late."
"So you're tired."
He ran his hand through his hair. "I should be. But I've lost all track of time. I feel like I could run a marathon…not that I want to do that." His eyes tracked over her rather covertly.
She laughed again, knowing it was more likely he'd want to be with her than go to bed. But she had to make sure. Always put him first. "Well… we could keep going. Keep up with the game. Or—end it." She looked at him meaningfully.
His eyes sparked. "End it? You mean… you don't want to play it anymore? It is kind of…arbitrary."
"It's fun that way. But it'd be even more fun to…not have any more boundaries."
"Connie—" He stopped, breathless.
She nodded. "I mean it. I want you. All of you."
"So…you don't want to wait for the birth control to kick in? A few more days?"
"I've waited long enough. I've made you wait long enough. When we're married—we should be all that we are together. Nothing held back. Especially not for those reasons."
"There are…other methods of birth control. I have some in case—"
"I don't want them. I mean—if you do it's fine but I…don't want anything at all between us. Not guilt, not shame, not fear—just love. Only love." She pressed her hand to his chest and his heart thumped hard against her palm.
"If you're sure—not just doing it for my sake. I want you to be happy. If we adopted and had a baby at the same time, it might be too much—"
"That's just an excuse. I think we could swing it. We're a team, stronger together. And it's not like we don't have experience with kids."
"It'd be different raising them."
"I know. But we'd have help, too. If it's God's will… We might have a baby, we might not. I don't want to deny that chance. I don't want to deny you…anything. What if this was our only chance, for some reason? And I missed out on a beautiful little baby…." Her voice caught a little. She could almost imagine him or her…. Now she couldn't envision the gender clearly, but it didn't matter. Just that it was happy and healthy. "I already missed out on so many blessings because… I fell into darkness. But now—I'm ready for them. I let darkness creep in and taint our joy… when I should never associate anything bad with you, with our love." She cradled his chin. Slid her thumb over his lower lip. He inhaled shakily.
"I want you…more than I can say," he said. "And I want our baby… I know it'll be hard. After…"
"But that's the thing. I think it'll help me. I'll always love Jeremiah but…. I need to hold a little one in my arms. I don't want to risk missing out on anything again. Just for the sake of clinging to pain and fear… I think I did because it connected me to him. But he's not in darkness. He's in light. That's where I want to be. I want to give this love—aching in my heart—to someone new. If it's adopting or a new baby or both. I want to fill our house with joy." She smiled a little, tears shimmering at the edge of her vision.
"I think…you have so much love to give."
"And so do you. I don't want you to miss the chance to be a dad. You'd be so great at it! Our kids need a dad like you."
"Kids?"
"Three, maybe four." Her heart leaped. "Maybe more, who knows. We'll…have to pray about it."
He nodded. Guarded eagerness in his eyes. "Do you want to pray together now?"
She nodded. "Let's."
He grasped her hands and she threaded her fingers through his. Close together, they prayed for their future. For the children they'd have. She prayed she'd never give in to selfishness if…the worst happened, but she hoped desperately such sorrow would never touch her heart again. If it did though…. she'd go through the storm with the one she loved.
She kept her hands in his as they opened their eyes. "So…"
"So…."
"We'll play the game until… we can't stand it any longer."
"I'm…almost to that point now. But if you change your mind about…all of this, let me know. I don't want to do something if you're not comfortable with it."
"Anything with you."
She stood and sauntered to the bathroom; he followed her. Inside was a large bath tub. It was peach colored with darker swirls and embedded with sparkles. There was also a flexible, detachable shower head above it.
"This suite really goes all out," said Jason.
"It's fantastic!" She leaned over and turned on the faucet. Made sure it was the right temperature, then picked a lavender bubble bath bottle from the side. She poured some in and bubbles sprouted from beneath the stream of water and floated off into the tub.
She sat on the smooth ledge along the side and found the button for the massagers. The water swirled to life, spouting in a soft rumble against her back.
They washed each other, and she lingered lovingly at each curve, each plane, each scar. His kisses covered her, at least the skin that wasn't underwater. The fragrance of the lavender intoxicated her. But not more than he did. His soft hair, such a beautiful shade of chestnut… She swirled her hand in his damp locks, kissed his lips, his chin, his neck…
They slid out of the water and, hands interlocked, they treaded back to the bed room. He lay down on the bed, and she climbed up beside him, then covered him with kisses. He returned the favor. Yearning for all of him, she embraced him, allowing him to flood her with his love. Ecstasy burst through her, nuances of pleasure she didn't even know existed. The world faded—she sank into the incredible beauty of his love and euphoria seized her, drowning her in its everlasting embrace.
He lay beside her, the last rays of sunlight glistening on his skin. His blue eyes, more infinite than any sky. Her fingers fluttered over his cheekbone, swept delicately over the hair at his temple. She rubbed his temple softly and he drew in a breath. Love, more wonderful than she'd ever imagined, shone into her eyes, burned in her own heart.
Living half in shadow, she'd forgotten. To give him everything he deserved. To feel—ah to feel! Him in his complete glory, nothing whatsoever between them. She hadn't known how much she'd needed this, even in the depths of her longing.
"Connie…" he said softly. She thrilled to hear her name on his lips.
"Jason." She smiled.
"That was incredible."
"Yeah."
He slid his hand into her hair, lingered in it adoringly. "Even sweeter than I remembered…."
"You're just—oh Jason. Nothing like you." She kissed his chest. Feeling shaky and worn out, slick with sweat, her hair damp with it. But her whole body tingled with joy, of experiencing him, his love. The joy he gave—there was nothing that even came close. And it was because it was him, because he knew her, loved her intimately, that it was even better… and more intense because of the absence. Not that the shadows were a good thing, but it was wonderful that a good thing could come of them…
"I didn't even know how much I needed you…." His chest heaved. She pressed her hand to his heart, feeling the lovely thump-thump, thump-thump. She kissed his chest and embraced him, and they lay tangled up on the wide, luxurious bed, until they fell asleep.
A buzzing sound dragged her out of deep sleep. In the darkness, a blue light. She fumbled toward it, grabbed Jason's phone. She looked at him; he was still sleeping, snoring. Affection swarmed through her. Brilliant flashes of him, his love, blazed across her mind. She was a little disoriented, felt heavy, weighed down, as if she'd run miles. But wonder and tendrils of pleasure still hummed through her.
The name on the screen said "Sierra". She figured he'd better answer it. If she was calling in the middle of the night, it had to be urgent.
She shook his shoulder. He moved and groaned. She laughed—he was so beautiful in whatever he did. She longed to kiss him but just let that desire burn in her as he blearily sat up and took the phone.
"Hello? Sierra?" he said. "What is it?"
An indistinct murmur on the other end.
"Oh. Of course. If you're calling at this hour, it must be urgent."
Jason turned on speaker phone.
"I'm sorry to wake you both. But I want to let you know. Maybe you can sleep in after this. It's done! I've found Ben."
Connie's heart dropped. She couldn't believe it.
"What?" said Jason.
"I've been up all night, hunting traffickers. The ones who stole Mai. I took one down. Dragged him to my lair, beat him up a bit. Don't shed any tears for him. It's my method—you know that, Jason. In the end, I let him live with his misery. Missing something…vital. It was an incisive strike—you should be proud. I didn't go ballistic on them; it was methodical, precise.
"His tips led me to a particularly heinous trafficking den. Children sold over and over online. A shop for people with the taste for the exotic—in this case, Westerners. Thankfully, it looks like he's been shuttled from one place to the other so much they haven't had much time to….do the worst. I've got him. What's more, I've got over twenty other children. It was a big op—once I had my fun, I invited the police, did it legal. They weren't too upset that I'd done most of their job for them. And they were happy to take the credit once the media arrived. I'm happy to stay in the shadows. It's where I belong. But I'm staying in connection, making sure they do right by Ben. I've already contacted his father. Ben will be going home soon."
"Wow—Sierra, that's—"
"The best news we could hope for. Short of saving Mai. But
I'm not stopping till I find her. So—just wanted to let you know that. So you can relax—your job is done."
"There are still trafficked kids here."
"Your original job, I mean. So you're free from your obligation."
"I'm glad I was able to look for him—although I wish I could've helped more."
"All a matter of serendipity. He was taken to Southeast Asia, not Eastern Europe. That's why we split up in the first place—to cover more ground simultaneously. You gave me peace of mind to do my job here. And you've rescued kids yourself."
"I…don't know if I'll ever be satisfied until the last kid is rescued."
"I'll dedicate my life to it. The problem is—there are too many creeps who buy children. We whack one mole—another pops up in its place. More like a virus. Always the same source, ever mutating. It would be nice if we could come up with a vaccine to eradicate them like we've eradicated smallpox…. Or at least some way to protect kids from their perversity. If I could come up with a way… but then, that's not my skill set. My destiny is to hunt them down without mercy. Burn each virus like a white blood cell. That's what I am." She laughed. "Don't mind me, I'm running a bit on a high of the rescue. I was right—I shouldn't have held back before. Cut myself off from my calling. Just because I was—afraid of facing my past. But it's worth it to save them. It's almost like drinking deep from the draft of revenge. Now that I've tasted a trafficker's blood—I'm addicted. I'll never stop. They'll have to stop me first—and I won't let them have that luxury."
"Just so you don't go overboard."
"I've tasted it, Jason—so now I've got an idea how to move forward. Temper my bloodlust with practicality. It's not a normal addiction; it's one I can control, one that I can direct. My passion is more than I ever realized—but I want to save the children, and so I won't do anything to jeopardize that. I have enough experience under my belt so I know how to control myself. And I have the motivation. It's probably best I did it this way, after all. If I'd started when younger, I would have let revenge take over. Now, it's both a passion and a job, a perfect balance. I'm a honed weapon. Optimized for taking traffickers down and freeing slaves."
"I'm glad you're on my side."
She laughed. "I am a bit much sometimes, aren't I. But there is something special between us. Don't worry, Connie, I don't wish to steal him from you. It's just that my present self was reborn in that house with you. A bond was forged there… and now it's being forged with your father. I'm inextricably bound to the Whittakers… when I didn't want to be bound to anyone. But the new me isn't going to complain. Some attachments are a good thing. All this has led me to my purpose and rescued innocents."
"How is Dad, by the way?"
"Oh, I didn't trouble him with this. He just knows I'm out. He has enough to deal with with your nephew. I hope you don't mind if I stay here until I find Mai, then look for Luna."
"With the way it's going, you'll probably find her soon. Hopefully I'll at least find some clues to give you if we don't find her beforehand."
"You're not going into the worst danger. You shouldn't have to. As good as it is to have attachments…it's not like I'm married, so I can take the risks to keep you safe. Family is precious. As I'm being reminded, with that…well. I'm not too pleased with your nephew, let's just say that. He let his treasure fall into the hands of evil. I don't know if I can forgive him."
"I get why you'd see it that way. But…he didn't mean to sell her."
"Doesn't absolve him. He shouldn't have gotten so compromised in the first place. Drugs addle your brain. If I had a daughter…well. I would let them do anything to me rather than let them take her. I'd let them—take me. Enslave me again. Tear out my eyes, my heart. Anything than let her fall into…that life. Of course, I wouldn't go down without a fight. And I wouldn't take drugs in the first place. So…we're so disparate I can hardly empathize with him. He's a coward—that's an epithet I can use."
"Maybe so. But he's still her father. He regrets it. He has a chance to improve."
"That's what your father says. I'm not holding out much hope. She's better off not counting on him at all and going back with you."
"That's what I want to do."
"She'll have family that's worthy of her. She's sure had it rough. Her mother leaving her, now her father... She deserves a break."
"We'll go all out for her," said Jason.
"I know you will. Still…. She'll have some trauma. I'll be there for her, if I can. I…know what it's like. I'll try to take a break after we find Luna. So I can…be in her life some. If you don't mind."
"That would be great."
"I'd like to be there for Ben too. He was…so scared. They'd beaten him. Starved him. Gone to town on the psychological conditioning. That's how they start it… and just to be in that situation, torn from your home. I can already tell he's got some guilt—thinks he deserves it for running away. I'll try to assuage those fears—no one deserves this. Least of all a fifteen-year-old kid.
"It could be worse, though, all things considered. He's been brutalized and terrorized, but he's not broken. After the initial shock, he was able to speak to me quite coherently. He knew he was rescued. Some of these kids are so traumatized every movement startles them, and they hide in the corner shaking. From what I could piece together in this small amount of time, with the documents we've seized, they wanted to keep him 'pristine' until they got their money's worth from him, then sold him to the highest bidder. They were just in the…earlier stages of his online career."
"You mean—" Horror threaded through Jason's voice.
"He wasn't spared all of it. Conditioning comes with punishment and reward for certain behaviors. I wish I could have gotten there in time… but it's been over a month. From what I could gather, he just started at this particular venue. Before that, he'd been dragged from one place to another while a 'handler' conditioned him. I'm afraid I'll have to look at the videos we've seized if I want to help him, know how far it's gone…. I'm hoping to spare his father any inkling of that. He only need know the barest details; it's enough to know he went through something horrific. To be there for him. To know it'll be a long road and he won't always be rational. Sexual abuse…may be a matter of degrees, but no matter what it is, it affects you intricately. For a child like him—it'll imprint deeply on his psyche. Even if it wasn't rape, per se… doesn't mean it wasn't horribly dehumanizing to be forced to perform certain things in front of…. Ah, I don't want to go into this. I do want to help in whatever way I can, while also looking for Mai. I wish there were a hundred of me, so I could be everywhere needed.
"I just thought I'd let you know. Truthfully, I couldn't keep all this to myself, and you're the closest thing I have to a friend besides your father."
"I'm glad you told me."
"Have a good night." She hung up.
Connie lay back on the pillows, exhaustion and yet excitement threading through her. Along with a generous dose of sorrow for what Ben had had to go through. But at least he was safe! He'd never be enslaved again. Although it would probably haunt his mind for years to come….
"Well…" said Jason, settling back on the pillows beside her.
"He's safe." She breathed a sigh of relief.
"He's safe." Jason shut off his phone screen and set it on the table beside him. "We could go home…."
"Except for Luna. We promised to look for her."
"It could take some time."
"Well, hopefully Sierra will find Mai soon, then she'll come here."
"Yeah…." Jason took a breath, looking rather unsettled. "She's a good agent. One of the best. The best I can hope for is to…find clues."
"You're a great agent, too."
"Past my prime, I'm afraid. If I ever was that good. Besides…we don't want to go too far. It's best for everyone involved if I stay in the background."
"We are helping this way. And this way we don't have to go into danger." Something nagged at the edge of her mind… Markov had mentioned it. There is no case connected with Yavesh where you were out of danger. Even in the relative fortress of the palace. Could Yavesh get to them here? A shiver ran through her. She didn't want to find out. This was the best plan, really…. Though she didn't want Jason to think he was less, it was best they stay further back, give Sierra any clues, then let her take over. I can't—I won't—give him up for any reason.
She snuggled up close to him, savoring his scent, the firm muscles beneath her fingertips. He wrapped his arm around her, kissed her forehead. She drifted to dreams in his arms.
Soft golden light flickered over her eyelids. Dappled shadows danced across the bedspread. Outside, a large oak tree waved its branches in the breeze. Sunlight glazed the gentle hills. A bird sang a muffled trill. She felt like leaping up and heading outside to hear it fully.
Still, her muscles felt leaden, as if filled with sand. She couldn't make herself move…only turn over luxuriously to see Jason still asleep, his chest rising and falling evenly, a faint smile on his face. She hoped he was dreaming of her. She'd dreamed of him…though the images had been blurry. But last night—oh! She remembered that. Thrills raced through her to reminisce his tender touches, his fiery passion. She belonged with him, wholly and completely. He was the other piece of her that she missed when they were apart. No more separation! Never again. Never any further than this.
She slid an errant lock back from his forehead. Marveled at the beauty of his face. She longed to kiss him but figured she should wait until he was awake so he could enjoy it.
It sang pleasure through her that she could please him, too. That she could give such a gorgeous being something he delighted in. She wasn't lesser. She was part of him. They were whole only together. Whole completely when they ministered to each other generously, with things each of them liked….
He stirred, and his eyes opened, revealing a dazzling blue. Then they focused on her. A lightning bolt struck her heart. She caressed his shoulder, letting him know how happy she was to see him awake.
"Hey, Connie," he said. A smile spread across his face, brilliant in its welcome.
"Hey." She traced his chest.
"How are you doing?"
"Oh… I'm… enthralled," she said, startling herself with that word.
"Me too." He traced her shoulder, slid his finger lower. Fiery frost spread through her, etching delicate, prickling lace across her skin.
She kissed his chest. "Let me know what you want." She slid her hand beneath the covers and he drew in a sharp breath. "Are you okay with…?"
"Are you kidding me? After last night—"
"Maybe we should get up." She slid her hand away.
"No! I—I think we have time… if it's not too long."
"Not like last night."
His hand lingered in her hair. "I want to celebrate this. Us being back together. It's like…nothing else."
"I know." She smiled. "We should celebrate all day. We'll look for Luna but… doesn't mean we can't take breaks."
"And we'll be together the whole time. Since I'm not going into danger."
She was glad to hear him say that but wasn't entirely sure it would last… and part of her wondered if it should. If there should be any caveats to rescuing children. If there should be any part of her she denied God to work with…..
"So…we'll be able to—ah, steal kisses."
"Nothing between us."
"Nothing at all." She kissed his cheek, ended up kissing his lips. Pulled away a little in order to slide her fingers downward.
"Oh, Connie." He gasped, grasped her shoulder, kissed it lusciously.
She kissed his forehead, whispered next to his ear. "I want all of you."
"I'm—not arguing that."
She gathered him to her, and he obliged. Pleasure blazed across her mind—white-hot—beauty beyond imagining—splitting her open, letting in blinding light. Love shattered her and she crashed over him, melded to him.
She traced circles over his chest, marveling that he belonged to her. No one else had ever touched him like this. She belonged to him. Forever.
They helped each other dress. She hated the idea of his body disappearing beneath fabric—but he was still gorgeous, she could still be with him and touch him, and later…there was nothing between them so nothing would stop them from more. How could this be? Every night—even more often—she could experience all his passion. She would never take it for granted.
It was 9:30 when they stepped out of the suite. Heat spread over her face; she felt like she couldn't pretend they'd been doing anything else. Everyone would know. She wasn't ashamed! It was just…meant only for them. Still… so what if someone knew. It was better to know they were fully in love than to sense there was some distance between them. She silently thanked Roderick for lending them this room, for instigating the romantic dinner. It was as if he knew. She wondered if he and Darya had had their own problems…. Darya had admitted as much to her. She hoped the king and queen were now just as close as they were.
They ate breakfast—fed each other pancakes shaped like rabbits, birds, deer, and bears. Then they headed out for a walk. She held his hand as they roamed over the hills, into the birch grove, sunlight coating the white trunks, spilling a glowing reflection onto his face. She leaned against his shoulder and wrapped her arms around him, never wanting to let him go.
But finally they admitted they had to return and look for Luna. There would be time enough to be together later; Luna didn't have time.
They walked back into the palace; Darya was pacing in the foyer, her shoes clacking on the white marble. Her hair was slightly disheveled; a golden lock fell haphazardly over her forehead. Harried eyes caught theirs, darted away.
"Are you all right?" said Connie, stepping closer tentatively.
Darya ran a hand through her hair. "I've sent for the doctor. He should be here by now. I want him to check up on James. He told me he's okay, not to fuss over him…but he looks sick. I can't lose him."
Connie recalled she'd almost lost him as a baby, and a knife pierced her heart. "Is there anything I can do?"
"I'm not sure. It's probably just because of Luna…. We have to find her." Her eyes flashed. "I'll spare no expense. Leave no stone unturned. I'll tear this country apart if it means—well. It's not the country that needs tearing apart, but Yavesh. If it means getting my boy back—no method is too extreme." A fanatic gleam glinted in her eyes.
"Our attention isn't divided anymore," said Jason. "We learned last night that Ben's been rescued. So we'll be able to focus on finding Luna."
She grasped Jason's shirt. He looked taken aback. "Will you do whatever it takes?"
"Well…"
"You need to sacrifice your body and soul to get her back. But she's not your flesh and blood, so of course you won't go that far. She's not mine either…. But James is. And she is his, apparently…. I cannot break that bond, even if I'd want to. Such love…. It's worth the pain." Anguish burned deep in her eyes. She turned away. A single tear slid down her cheek.
A car pulled up in front of the palace, dark and sleek and shiny. Darya turned back toward them. "Oh! That's the doctor." She raced toward the door and the servants opened it for her.
A little shaken, Connie headed back to their original room. She hoped James was okay…. You couldn't die from despair, could you? Although she felt she would die if Jason was taken from her…. She wouldn't, because she knew he'd want her to keep on living. Even though it would be torture to be sliced apart like that.
Jason showed her the video of Elliot, which made her feel more disturbed. It didn't help that something about Elliot reminded her of Jason. Their eyes and hair were different; he didn't have that strong resemblance to Jason that the king did. But there was something in the set of their jaws, in the chiseled beauty of their faces…even in the eyes, though Elliot's were deeply wounded. She could hardly stand to look into those startling dark blue eyes. She couldn't help but imagine Jason in the same situation—as he had been, to a point. She shuddered. Didn't want to think about it. But the afterimage lingered. And she couldn't shake the feeling of those haunted eyes following her, pleading for rescue.
A noble young man, ripped apart by someone evil. He'd been doing something good, but that didn't give him the armor to fight the army of darkness. Sometimes darkness was stronger…. And he was paying the price. Still… a light not quite snuffed out…. Time was running out. There had to be a way to take out Yavesh from the inside. Burn it to nothing. Otherwise, their job would never be done…. More innocent people would be taken. Tortured… unimaginable things done to them. She didn't want to imagine them, anyway, but fragments of images flickered at the corner of her mind, making her stomach churn. She didn't know how much more of this she could take—but she had to stand it. Because they were in a much worse situation than she was. She couldn't leave them there if she could help it.
If there's anything I can do…. I'm extremely limited. But I'll do what I can.
It seemed impossible. They didn't even know where Elliot was. Where Yavesh headquarters was. If they could take that out… perhaps Roderick could make a precision strike.
They scoured the video for clues; they wrote down possible tidbits. Nothing definitive or very substantial, just guesses. Ephemeral puzzle pieces that might melt away if they tried to fit them together. Connie thought that it would get easier to watch each time, but it didn't. She focused on the background, but she couldn't help but sense what was going on in the foreground. Especially when the masked man started on his innuendo. They silenced the video but somehow that amplified things; she could sense Elliot's discomfort emanating across space and time. And the waves of evil shedding from the masked man every moment, directing his brutality and malicious intent toward the fallen agent. They could have used Eugene's program to cut out the foreground completely, but there was no overt abuse going on so Jason thought they could handle it. If Jason could, she could. Besides, there could be clues from the people, too. Elliot could be sending them a signal, although they couldn't find anything so far. If he were sending a message, it was extremely subtle. Like Jason said, he was probably too distressed to come up with something. She tried to put herself in his place—unsettled to even consider it—and knew she wouldn't have the presence of mind to do much of anything. Even if it meant her potential rescue.
Just to imagine it was extremely disturbing. To actually be…used by someone against your will—for them to take something that should be beautiful and twist it beyond all recognition… grief blazed across her heart. They didn't just have Luna to rescue. They had to rescue Elliot, if possible. She couldn't stand the thought of leaving him to the mercy of those monsters.
Whatever it takes. If we have to stay here much longer. Anything short of…sacrificing myself or Jason. What would that accomplish? Just exchange one agony for another. We need to stop it, once and for all.
"We need to take it down," she said, beside Jason in the large green chair. "Get the leader somehow."
"Yeah…decapitating it would at least throw it into disarray. I wonder…. Ali couldn't be the leader. If we could just find out who it is… but they keep themselves hidden for a reason. Perhaps they don't even have a conventional headquarters. A network of small, disparate cells…keeps it anonymous, almost untraceable." He frowned. Rubbed his chin, now cleanshaven. "There has to be a clean, swift solution. There probably is a central cell—we just have to find it. This video might be in the central cell. The torturer is a knowing member of Yavesh, at least…. If we could find him. I wouldn't be averse to some…more extreme methods myself." He looked troubled at this. "Well…. I just. I'm forgetting myself. Perhaps I need a break." He stood. "Can't keep taking this many breaks…. Won't get anywhere. But I can't be in that world for long…. I'll collapse if I simmer in it for hours."
"It's probably because it…reminds you of…" She hated to even bring it up, let some of the torturous images and feelings rise from his memory.
"I can't shake the…horrible feeling. Not even prayers shut it off entirely. Or…your presence. It helps, though." He took her hand. She embraced him, willing love to pour from her heart to his, assuaging his pain.
Jason consulted his notes about the video. They didn't have much to go on. But they'd written down their thoughts:
What sort of place looks like that?
- Could be any basement
Is there a way to narrow it down?
- Type of concrete
- Age determined by the cracks on the wall
The torturer
- Identifying marks?
- Eye color—blue
- Skin –pale
- Demeanor – fanatic and at the same time sadistic (? Am I reading too much into this? How much is a façade?)
Elliot
- Did he leave us any intentional clues?
"Maybe we'll find something after we take a break," said Jason. "If we can find any clues at all, even ones that will only connect later, we have to try. It's one of our only direct links to Yavesh. The other one is Ali. Unless we're mistaken about him."
"I don't think we are."
"Me either. But we don't really have concrete evidence. Saul and Leila didn't have much, or they'd have brought him in."
"What about Nika?"
"Her testimony will be powerful in court. But we need more than just an eyewitness account. They could say she was drugged and didn't know what she overheard. Besides, she may not even want to testify. I don't want to subject her to reliving that. We've got to follow Ali's trail. Without getting caught." He paced over to the window; the late morning light gilded his form. He sighed. "When he caught me… I told him we were staying at his hotel. I hope he bought it. If not…he'd be extra careful, and he could go on the offensive. Maybe it's best not to study him directly so we stay out of the line of fire. His business associates could be another angle…. And we could go back and talk to the kids, see if they've seen anything suspicious. Everything seemed above board but…that doesn't mean it is."
"I really want to see them again." She joined him in front of the window.
"The most direct route would be to follow him on one of his business trips… see if we can pin anything on him. I'm not even sure how to approach that. How we could catch such a slippery character. But he's not infallible…. If we're serious about taking Yavesh down—we can't rule that angle out. I just… don't know if I'm up to it. He caught me before—and if he didn't buy it…it could be dangerous. It might be better to pass off that task to Sierra when she gets here." He looked troubled. "We also need to focus on finding Luna. We probably can't take down Yavesh singlehandedly—especially without going into danger. It would be nice to find something more concrete someone else can follow up…. But we need to at least make some headway in finding Luna."
She nodded. "And Elliot."
"If at all possible. We don't even know for sure if Luna was taken by Yavesh. She could just be held for ransom and they're taking a long time figuring out their demands. But we do know the exact danger Elliot's in. It's just so frustrating the video doesn't hold many clues…. But of course Yavesh would be meticulous. If they've missed something, it's very subtle.
"I wonder…Roderick's special task force for finding Luna. It might have found something by now."
"Do you think they'd share with us?"
"Roderick could order them to. Unless it's classified…. We could ask, at least."
"We do live in the palace. It's not just for…this." She spread out one arm, indicating their luxurious room. Which still paled in comparison to their new bed room.
Part of her was disappointed they couldn't vacation full time… but she had to sacrifice her delight for others' freedom. A small price to pay, really; it wasn't like she would be separated from Jason for long. Perhaps now they were getting the hang of where the edges of danger were so they knew what to avoid…that way she could stay with him all the time and not worry he'd be risking his life, or worse.
They shared a swift kiss then headed to lunch. Again, James was absent and Darya was distracted, somber. It would've been awkward if Roderick hadn't been a courteous host, although he was obviously worried about his son too.
"Did the doctor find anything?" Connie asked.
"He's slightly anemic," said Darya in a subdued tone. "Which makes sense since he's not eating. The doctor didn't seem worried about that… it's only been several days. But if this keeps up I might take him in to get an IV. If he doesn't eat soon—that's what I'll threaten."
"I'm sorry."
"I have a feeling he'd bounce right back if we found her," said Roderick. "I've never seen him so… distraught. The doctor didn't find anything else physically wrong except mild dehydration. He suggested that James visit a therapist. Who'd probably prescribe anti-depressants. I doubt that would help much… James isn't usually like this. It's like… he's wasting away. I … can guess how he feels. I was never torn from the one I love, but…when James was born, I almost lost both of them." He looked at Darya, concerned; she didn't act like she noticed him. "And… with James like this…. I fear Dar might…." He took a deep breath, pain in his eyes.
"If there's anything we can do—" said Jason.
"I'm not sure…."
"Has the task force found anything?"
"A few tenuous leads. It's all so ephemeral. It's like she disappeared into thin air. Which probably means Yavesh. Which means…" His voice caught. Anguish shadowed his eyes. "She's already like the daughter I never had…. Her becoming a daughter-in-law is such a natural thing. Tying our families together officially. I can see the bright future ahead…. But if she's caught in their web…she might never recover…" He leaned his head in his hand, looking sick.
Connie set down her fork; she didn't feel much like eating anymore either. The steak lay cold on her plate, half of half of it chopped up.
A moment later the king looked up again, his jaw set, as if steeled against despair. "I try not to think of it directly or I couldn't do my job. I don't have that luxury." He glanced at Darya. "I have to do what I can to help her…. Which so far isn't much." His fist clenched, knuckles white. "If only I could lead an army in, guns blazing… But there's no castle to storm. Just shifting shadows." Anger flashed across his face. "I would turn myself in if there were no other way. But I can do more good like this…. In authority. It's authority that matters, not my heritage… which won't mean anything in a few years. I just have to find some sort of…inroad…. Something concrete. A path to their lair so I can burn it down."
"I want to burn it down too," said Jason. "Is there anything your task force could give me?"
"I can have them send you over what they do have."
"That would be great."
Roderick plowed his spoon into his potatoes and ate absently. Connie toyed with her food, took a few bites. Jason seemed to still have an appetite so she followed his lead. He had the right idea; she had to keep her strength up if she were to do any good.
"So," said Roderick, "how did you like the luxury suite?" His eyes twinkled.
"Oh very much," said Connie. "I liked the view and the bed and the bathtub…" Her cheeks burned when she realized what that implied.
He gave no indication he sensed her discomfiture. "I'm glad. You deserve it; you're the guests of honor, after all. And you're doing our family a great service."
Jason leaned forward slightly, one elbow on the table. "So, was that your doing?"
"What?" said the king, hinting at a knowing look.
"The flowers, the candlelight…."
The king smiled, dispelling some of the shadows. "Since you had the place to yourselves…why not take advantage of it? You two are newly married, after all. I know what that's like…."
"Thank you. It was exquisite."
"You're welcome. I'm happy to be of service."
"We did take full advantage of it." Jason grasped Connie's hand, gazing into her eyes. Heat cascaded over her face.
Jason, what are you doing?
He blushed too, perhaps when he realized fully what he was saying. Some of her embarrassment swept away in the tide of love. She longed to kiss him, gather him into her arms…
"I wanted to give you some space, some time to yourselves…. If I were a newlywed in a palace… well. This place was new to me, too. Our honeymoon was here, since I had to go to work right away, keep our country together and on track those first few years. We did get a proper honeymoon later… But together in the palace was…intoxicating." His eyes strayed to Darya, unabashed love in them, although sorrow clouded them when he saw she was pensively toying with her food, her eyes distant.
Connie's heart went out to them. Their family would be broken until Luna returned. So would Luna's own family….
Roderick slid his chair backwards. Darya looked up, startled. Then a mask of composure gradually gathered across her face.
"I need to get ready," said the king. "I'm having guests soon."
"Guests?" said Jason.
"Karima is coming to pick up her daughters. They'll be staying here for a few days; I'm not sure how long, but they're welcome as long as they like. More of my—their family may come as well. At least we've been able to rescue some of them…thanks to you."
"Do you know when they're coming?"
"I would guess Karima would be at the orphanage any time now. They had to go through an intake process, make sure it's the right person picking them up, but now that she's cleared, she won't want to be away from them any longer."
"Do they know their mom's coming?"
"I'm not sure. I would hope the employees would let them know."
"If not, we can tell them."
"You're heading over there?"
"We want to see how the kids are doing. Maybe ask them some things."
"Knowing them, they'd probably volunteer some info… depending on how much it affected them."
"Well, I know they didn't…go through the worst, but that doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic."
"Just to be abducted like that… hurt… trapped… I can't imagine what it was like for two little girls."
"At least the orphanage is safe. It'd probably seem like heaven after where they came from."
"It would seem like a refuge. But it's nothing compared to the palace. I want to spare no expense. Make up for the time they lost. Help them forget…."
Darya pushed her chair back and stood. Smoothed her pearlescent pink dress. "I suppose I'd better prepare for our guests…" She drifted away down the hallway.
"I hope…." Roderick stopped. "Perhaps our guests will help her keep her mind off things."
"Maybe it'll help James too."
"Maybe…. If he'd come out of his room…. Dwelling on it day and night—I get it. But… it's crushing him."
"I wish…I could help," said Connie.
"Looking for Luna—is helping. It's what'll get her back home. Then he'll be himself again. And with her family here… well, I doubt he'll shut himself off from them. The kids'll be good for him. If he can ignore anyone else, he can't ignore them. Especially after…what they've been through. Their rescue might give him hope, too, that Luna can be found."
"I hope so."
"Perhaps he can help me prepare… I can give him some tasks to do. Like picking out gifts for them."
"Oh!" said Connie. "That reminds me. We said we'd give gifts to some of the kids. Tanya wanted another horse. Lexi wanted an amethyst. But—we can't leave the other kids out."
"I've got just the thing."
The king took them to the store room, where they kept antiques, gifts, treasures, and just things they hadn't gotten around to getting rid of. First they stopped at James' room, and Roderick persuaded James to help pick out some gifts for Vera and Rani. Then they headed to the basement, where a guard let them in to a vast cavernous room filled to the brim with boxes, all of them categorized.
Jason's eyes lit up. "Hey—is the Lost Ark in here?" He stepped forward, looking around as if he might actually spot it somewhere among all the items.
"It may be," said Roderick. "It would take years to go through all of this. Though some of it was despoiled during the dictatorship, we recovered a lot of precious items scattered throughout the realm. And some Von Warberg didn't deem important… he might not have even been able to get to the end of it. More focused on ruining a country. It was his fault, in a way, Yavesh was able to rise; he fostered a criminal kleptocracy, and when the regime was gone, they had nowhere to go but underground."
Roderick led them to an area of old toys, most of them James', though some of them were antique. And some of them were gifts James had never even gotten to play with. James had been hanging back, looking rather sullen, but now he lurched forward and grabbed a stuffed panda. "It's Kandy! I was wondering where he went."
"Well, you weren't playing with him anymore, so…"
James hugged the bear, looking ecstatic.
"You could take him back…."
"No—I want to give it to the girls. I'm…too old for it. They need it more than me."
Connie's stomach flipped over. She felt that he might get some comfort from it, if only because he needed extra comfort these days. She wondered if there was something she could give him… he had everything, though…. everything but the most precious thing.
Connie picked out some stuffed animals for each of the kids, hoping they'd like them. They probably hadn't had much in their lives and would appreciate anything. At least she knew what one of them liked; she picked out a stuffed horse for Tanya, complete with a golden bridle.
Roderick opened a large safe along the wall, rummaged around, and drew out an amethyst necklace. "It was my mother's," he said reverently. "It's not even worth that much—I don't want to make the kids targets because of their wealth. I'll have to wait until they're in stable homes to give them something more substantial." He handed her the necklace.
Connie took it; it glittered in the flickering fluorescent light. "Are you sure?" Connie asked.
"Mom would…want that. None of these things are doing any good down here."
James picked out some little tiaras for Vera and Rani, which had been meant for future princesses that never were born. Then he picked out something for Luna. He cradled a sapphire in his hands, tears gleaming in his eyes then splashing onto the jewel. "It's… it's her favorite," he said, his voice on the verge of a hoarse whisper.
Her heart heavy for the prince, she searched among the jewels and picked out one for each of the newly rescued kids and some for the other trafficked kids. She wanted to be able to give presents to everyone but it wasn't practical to lug that many around. Roderick said he'd send over some more to the orphanage later.
James climbed the stairs, clutching the sapphire in his hands. The haunted look returned to his face; desperation dragged at his young body.
James and his father said goodbye and headed down the hallway to Vera and Rani's rooms with their presents. Servants helped Jason and Connie bundle the gifts into the car and they headed to the orphanage.
At the orphanage, Jason asked the receptionist if they could give the kids presents. The receptionist said she'd have to ask the manager. Connie's heart sank, thinking she meant Ali, but she referred them to Annika Jansson. She was the manager, not the director. They met in her office behind the receptionists' station.
"What can I do for you?" said a woman with blond hair gathered into a loose bun who looked up from her desk. She wore glasses and had a pencil in her hand poised over some papers. The computer glowed the hint of a word processor onto her glasses.
"We have some presents in the car we'd like to give to some of the kids," said Jason.
Annika sat back, letting go of the mouse, her desk chair swiveling slightly. She tapped absently on the paper with her pencil. "Well, Ali vouches for you, so…. Without his approval, you'd probably be denied. We must be careful here, you understand. These kids are in an extremely vulnerable state."
"I understand."
"So you only have presents for some of the kids?"
Jason nodded. "For the ones who've been trafficked."
Annika pursed her lips. "It's true they need extra comfort. The others'll be jealous, but they'll just have to deal with it. It's not like they haven't just gotten new presents." She peered over her glasses. "Will there be anything else?"
"We'd just like to know—" Jason glanced at Connie. "If we could start the adoption process."
"Who do you want to adopt?"
"We're not sure. It depends which kids would like to go home with us."
"I'll have to let you know the adoption process is very strict. With some of the debacles in recent years, we're wary of adopting out kids to foreigners. And we usually go through the foster system first. However, you do have a leg up with Ali's recommendation. I can send you the necessary documentation."
"Thank you."
"Don't pin your hopes too high. The process is long and arduous."
"We're willing to take that journey."
"We'll do anything we need to," said Connie fervently. A deep ache wrenched Connie's heart. She'd been disappointed already. But—if there was any chance she could help these kids, she had to try. It wouldn't be easy waiting— wondering, if she might lose someone all over again. And to pour out her love… it was still hard to think about, after…losing her baby. But it was better to love. Not shut herself off from it… even if it hurt. These kids were worth it.
And she didn't know how she could choose… she wanted to take them all. Save them, help them have the best life possible.
Am I up to that? she wondered. Can I really give a kid all she needs? Am I really a good mom? I'll make so many mistakes, I'll ruin the kids' lives…. Maybe they're better off here. With someone who can take care of their needs. Who knows what they're doing.
At least… it was probably better to adopt one or two at a time. To not get overwhelmed, especially with the special needs the trafficked kids would have. And she didn't want to get the kids' hopes up only to dash them…. Somehow she'd have to find out which kids would want to go with her. Which needed her the most.
Annika called an assistant, and she and a teen volunteer helped bring the toys into one of the lounges. They set the bags on the powder blue couch then left to gather the kids. Connie helped Jason arrange the toys, and they set the jewelry on the craft table. Then they sat in the lavender chairs to wait for the kids.
A gurgling stream played on the TV screen on the wall; a bird warbled a clear trill while frogs chirped. Toys and craft supplies sat on shelves. Windows looked out onto green shrubbery, which concealed the rather drab neighborhood.
"So…" said Connie, "it sounds like it might be a while until we can take someone home."
"Yeah… we might have to come back to pick them up later. But that's why it's better to apply now."
"I don't know how I can choose…"
"Maybe… the ones who need us the most."
She nodded. "The older kids."
"They're probably… less likely to be adopted."
She thought for a moment. Looked out the window, catching a glimpse of a car passing by. "Tanya…she already said she wanted us to take her home."
"It might be hard to deal with how she's in denial of her parents' deaths."
"That's why she needs someone to take care of her… help her know she'll be loved even though…she lost her first mom and dad."
"We couldn't leave her sister behind."
"Yeah—I wouldn't dream of separating them." Warmth spread through her heart. The thought of adopting—having these kids to love—shed all trepidation from her. But she supposed she shouldn't get her hopes up too much…. She had to hope, though. That was the whole point of this.
"Then there's Hannah," she said. "How brave she was… how kind, taking care of the other kids. But she needs someone to take care of her. And Daniel… the boy who was so scared…" Her heart broke for him.
"And then there's Tatiana."
"Oh—the girl you rescued."
"It'll be even harder to find someone to adopt a teenager…. If she doesn't have a stable home she might…get into drugs or even…re-trafficked." Alarm sparked in his eyes.
The door opened and kids poured in, herded by the assistant and volunteer, Karma and Abbi. Some of the kids were hesitant but other kids bounced right over to the toy-filled couch.
The twins, Livi and Sari, each grabbed a stuffed dinosaur—a triceratops and a T-rex. They hugged them close. Then gazed at Connie and Jason, their eyes wide. "Can we have them?"
"Yes, they're all yours," said Jason.
"Me too?" said Tanya, gazing at the toys in awe, her fingers resting on the edge of the couch.
"Yes, you can pick one!" said Connie. "And you can pick one of the jewels." She pointed to the jewelry on the craft table.
"Really? Wow!" She looked at the stuffed animals solemnly, while her older sister Mina hung back a little, holding Lexi's hand.
Connie watched Tanya with delight as she went down the row of stuffed animals then her eyes fell on the stuffed horse. "Oh, a friend for Brownie!" She grabbed the gray horse and hugged it, her eyes shut in pure joy.
Tears sprang to Connie's eyes. She barely noticed the tear streaking down her cheek as the younger kids, Rick, Jon, and Eva, each picked out a toy. Connie noticed that Daniel and Hannah weren't there. Perhaps they didn't want toys, since they were older.
"Where are Hannah and Daniel?" she asked.
Karma, sitting in a chair by the door, said, "They've already gone to foster homes."
"Really?"
"Yes, some spaces recently opened up. It's a good thing, too, because they need extra care."
"Do you need help picking something out?" said Connie, looking at Mina and Lexi. The stack of toys was dwindling.
Mina shook her head. Her dark brown eyes were somber. "The other kids can have them."
"There's enough for everyone."
"I'll help Lexi pick one."
"That'll be nice." Connie didn't want to discourage her in any way.
Mina and Lexi sauntered up to the couch and Mina arranged the toys in an orderly manner. Lexi pointed to the koala and Mina handed it to her. Then Lexi slid her hand out of Mina's grasp and ran over to Tanya, who was at the jewelry table. "Look what I got!"
"She's so cute!" said Tanya. "We can play together." She tapped the koala gently with the horse's nose. Then she picked up the amethyst. "Ooh, this is so pretty!" She admired it in the light.
Connie was just about to tell her it was Lexi's, when Tanya slid the amethyst around Lexi's neck. "That's for you. I know you like athemysts."
"Amethysts," corrected Lexi, beaming. She picked up the jewel and gazed at it, purple light spilling across her face.
Connie's heart flipped over. A strong feeling prodded her.
Is this it? Is this what You want?
It makes so much sense…
But I don't want to jump to conclusions.
Plus I have to see what the kids want.
The three knew each other. They already got along. They wouldn't want to be separated. This way, she could make sure they stayed together.
Three was a lot to take in at once. But God would be there for her. And—she had Jason.
Three beautiful little girls. Not to take the place of the one she lost, but to fill her heart with love, to give her someone to take care of after missing out on it…
Her heart ached desperately. She longed to take them home, take care of them—but she dared not even tell them, in case the adoption fell through. She dared to hope… while also dreading the possible negative reply. What if the girls didn't even want to go with her. Her heart was filled almost to bursting—and at the same time, felt infinitely hollow. She didn't quite know what to do with this feeling. Everything was so new—it was so much.
But at the same time… she wondered if she could adopt one more, a little boy perhaps… David had touched her heart, too…
The youngest, Rick, crawled onto her lap and she cuddled him. He's so cute… I could adopt him… but he'll have more of a chance…. We'll just have to see what works out. I hope I'm not mistaken about Lexi, Tanya, and Mina… Her heart was already attached to them. To sever it would cause an amputation.
"So—do Vera and Rani know their mom is coming?" said Jason.
The assistant shook her head. "We wanted to keep it a surprise."
"Mama's coming?" said Vera. She ran over to Jason. Rani joined her, looking at him eagerly.
"She'll be here very soon. Then you'll go to the palace."
Vera grabbed her sister's hand and they jumped up and down. "Mama's coming! Mama's coming!" They tore around the room, nearly barreling into other kids. The volunteer, Abbi, had to calm them. They pounced onto the couch, hugging their stuffed bears.
"James has another one for you at the palace," said Jason. "An even bigger one."
"Bigger!" exclaimed Rani.
"I love the palace!" said Vera. "So many pretty things." She fingered her ruby necklace.
"We're staying there too, so we'll see you there."
"The best day ever!"
Livi and Sari sat on the couch, little Eva and Jon between the twins and the other girls. "We're going home soon, too," said Livi. Or was it Sari? It was hard to tell the twins apart.
"That's wonderful," said Jason. "Your mom's coming to pick you up?"
Livi nodded. "She's mad that my aunt let us run away. It was our fault, though. We won't do it again."
Sari shook her head vigorously, her brown hair swaying.
"So many people are leaving," said Mina, fingering her emerald necklace as she stood a little to the side of the room. "Hannah and Daniel left already."
"It's hard to say goodbye," said Connie. "But they're going to good homes."
"I hope so." She frowned. "That's what they said before…"
It had to be hard for her to trust adults. Connie didn't want to add to dashed hopes. But she also wanted to let Mina know she wouldn't be left here, alone. Never, ever go back to the horrific circumstances she'd been rescued from.
"Well…" Connie said, "I happen to know some really good people are applying to adopt you."
Jason glanced at her, surprised, then a smile tugged at his lips.
"Really?"
Connie nodded. "The adoption process will take a while."
"It's better than just going to a foster home. But…" She looked troubled. Turned to glance at Lexi and Tanya, who were playing on the floor by the craft table, jouncing the stuffed animals on the carpet. "I'm not getting separated from my sister again." Her dark brown eyes were fierce.
"We— They'd never let that happen."
"And— Lexi is like my sister now. We all need to go together."
"They want to adopt all of you."
Mina looked at her searchingly. "What kind of place do they live in?"
"A nice big house. Lots of room."
"Not a farm?"
"No."
"That's okay. I was just wondering in case. Tanya really wants a horse."
"Well…." She looked at Jason, an idea coming to her. "That doesn't mean they'll never move to a farm."
"That would be wonderful." She looked lovingly at her sister.
Connie wished more than anything she could fulfil their dreams. But so much was uncertain right now….
"So," said Jason, "do you all have a lot of fun here?"
"Yes!" said Livi. "We wouldn't want to leave except our mommy's coming."
"What's your favorite thing to do?"
"I like playing on the playground," said Rani.
Vera nudged her with her elbow. "I like hopscotch."
"I like snacks," said Rick in Connie's arms. He slid off and jumped over to the table and took off the last jewel necklace then slid it around his neck.
"I like the park," said Eva.
"Do you get to go to the park?" said Connie.
"Well I didn't in this town yet. My town has white trees in the park."
"What town do you live in?"
"Kontah."
"I never heard of that."
"She means Konterr," said Livi. "That's where we're from. It's really far away."
"Do you get really good food here?"
"Yes!" said Sari. "Better than at home. All we get there is sketti. But I still wanna go home."
Jon crawled off the couch and looked at Connie with earnest brown eyes. "I like sketti o's."
"Those are good," said Connie.
"I like cake!" said Eva.
Then it became a free-for-all of every kid saying their favorite foods. Karma finally had to tell them to quiet down. "Just a couple more minutes in the play room, then it's snack time."
"Aw!" chorused most of the kids.
"I want to stay here," said Mina, looking at Connie. "I…I feel safe with you."
Connie held out her hand. Mina hesitated then stepped closer. She grasped Connie's hand lightly, then leaned into her embrace. Connie held her gently and kissed her black curls, braided with brightly colored bands.
Tanya joined her sister, holding Lexi's hand. "Thank you for rescuing my sister." She held out her other hand to Jason, and Jason shook it.
"You're welcome. It was because of Lexi we found her. And the other kids."
"Because of me?" said Lexi, her green eyes wide.
"You gave us the tip about the bad man. We caught him. He's in jail where he can't ever hurt anyone again."
"Oh…." She smiled, although pain burned deep in her eyes.
"You're safe now," said Jason, apparently sensing Lexi's distress. He'll be such a good foster parent… or father…
Lexi came closer. She shook her head. "Not everyone is safe," she whispered. "Some kids…."
"What is it?" Alarm shaded his voice.
"Some…disappear. They get adopted but…they don't really. I'm scared. I don't want to go back to…that place."
"It's all right. We—we won't let you go there." He looked at Connie. "Not if we can help it."
Connie took Lexi's hand. "We'll watch out and make sure you're safe every day until you can come home. Maybe…" She didn't want to say something that wasn't possible but knowing Roderick…. "Maybe you can come to the palace while you're waiting."
"Really?"
"At least… he can watch out for you. And the others." Now that he knows… now that we know. Could there be something suspicious going on here after all? If there is—we have to keep the kids safe. And get Ali away from them.
As if on cue, the door opened.
And who should walk in but Ali Dogan.