Connie sat on the balcony looking out at the mist retreating from the sunlight into the crevices of the hills.
She'd just spoken with Jason, his glorious voice flowing through the phone, thrumming into her heart. She longed to see the man who belonged to the voice, kiss him, never let him go.
But at least she knew he was okay. He was on a stakeout, just watching, not charging into the action for once. He had called backup, making sure they were trustworthy.
Maybe we've finally figured out the right formula. Help from the background—with support we know wouldn't betray us.
Connie wished she could be with him, but it was still a risky mission. It was probably best she stay further in the background than he was, at least during missions that were at the edge of danger. She'd still help with investigation as much as she could—and help the trafficked kids. She didn't want to leave Aurora, Arina and Avara alone. Although they'd been distracted with the beauty of the palace, they were still very fragile.
Jason had told her that he'd found Gray, but that Tasha had been captured. He was watching Ali's company to see if he left to another location, then they'd follow him. And call in backup if the next place looked suspicious. Connie felt a spark of gratification that she had helped with that particular piece of the puzzle. Realized Ali might be going to Konterr because of the shootout, not just for his company. Jason would have realized it if he hadn't been so tired… but she was glad she had noticed it at all.
Maybe I am learning. Maybe if I keep learning, I won't be half bad at this.
I'll never take Jason's place rushing into burning buildings, though. A wry smile tilted her lips, though worry clouded her vision.
He might not be in the most dangerous place, undercover amid enemies (he'd had enough of that yesterday) but he was still in danger. Ali was Yavesh. Who knew what he would do if he were found out.
I need to be with Jason. Nothing to interrupt…. Seems there's always something…. Even last time, in the glade. James came down the hill… otherwise…we could have lingered in the dream….
We should steal every moment we can get. Never enough. I've missed too much time with him already… I'll never get it back. I don't ever want to be more than a few feet away from him unless it's dangerous. Even then…. I'd rather spend all the time I can with him, be with him in case… it ends up being our last moments together.
A fiery dart stabbed her heart.
He'll be okay. God will protect him.
The only reason I'm not with him is because… I don't want to get in the way. Don't want to risk…making my nightmares come true.
When he gets back, I'll flood him with love. At least we have two rooms, and the girls can sleep in the office.
He'll probably need a few days' rest. Then…maybe we'll go back out to the glade…
She leaned against the lacy white balcony, looking down at the roses crawling up the wall. Mauve, white, blood-red…. So beautiful yet spiked with pain. You had to risk bloodshed to touch them.
Well… the only bloodshed will be mine. I'll take on any discomfort for his sake. I'll do what he wants—he's the one already bearing so much pain.
Where is the beauty from his anguish? When will glory rise from all of these ashes….
At least I can give Jason something wonderful. It can't make up for his torture, but…maybe make him forget…for a little while. Just be us together. Nothing else.
I'd better get back inside, she thought. Distract myself till he returns. As much as the girls have taken to Roderick and Darya, I'm more familiar to them. Even then…this whole thing is new to them. I'm so happy they got so much rest. It's this palace…. Their sumptuous rooms, so unlike what they must've gone through… They're in awe of it. That's chasing away some of their fear…. But eventually, we'll have to deal with it.
It startled her a little she was thinking in terms of 'we' and 'eventually'. It was too early to tell if they'd adopt the triplets. Could they really adopt 6 girls at once? She wanted to adopt all of the trafficked kids, but the kids' mental health was what mattered. Connie and Jason couldn't emotionally support so many at once….
But how do I choose? How can I leave Mina, Lexi, and Tanya here alone? What about Hannah and Daniel and Tatiana?
Maybe part of it is that I want to fill my heart…. Dull the empty ache until I can't feel it anymore… It's not selfish because I would also be helping someone else.
But. It has to be what's best for the kids. If I'm really the best mom for them. Or someone else could help them more.
What will I do if I can't adopt? What if…for some reason… I'll never be able to have any kids?
She swept those horrible doubts away and stepped back in into the grand living room.
The girls were kneeling on the rug in front of the fireplace, which was flickering with a warm glow. They were playing with some of James' old toys; for that matter, they were wearing some of his old clothes. Darya had apologized she didn't have clothes for little girls, but Connie had said that these would be just fine until they could get some more. Darya promptly ordered a servant to buy them some new clothes of their own. It was true that James' leftover clothes were a little baggy. But the girls didn't seem to mind. They looked a lot more comfortable out of those horrible dresses. Clothes that had been made for enslaving. For showing off little girls as if they were adults. Connie cringed just thinking of them. She'd asked they be burned as soon as the girls had changed.
Roderick and Darya sat on the sofa, holding hands. They looked up as Connie entered, a soft gleam in their eyes, mirroring each other. Almost as if she were intruding on something private…. A little tableau of a complete family. (Except for James.)
Connie slid onto the couch beside Darya, not wanting to disturb the triplets. She was glad they were in nonmatching clothes so she could tell them apart. Their auburn hair blazed in the glow of the fireplace, each done up in identical braids they'd braided themselves. They'd also asked for makeup, but Connie hadn't given it to them, feeling a little taken aback they'd even feel the need for it at age ten.
"How are they doing?" said Connie softly.
"They've been playing away the whole hour," said Darya. "Hardly seem to realize we're here."
"What are they playing?"
"Some sort of imaginary game. Princesses in a castle."
Darya and Roderick exchanged a glance. They both still held hands, the rings on their fingers glittering, the firelight dancing in the iridescent facets.
"It's so far removed from the place they were…it must seem like a dream," said Roderick. Sorrow gleamed in his eyes, weighed down his face as if he wore a crown too heavy to bear.
"They're safe now," said Darya, rubbing his hand gently. "They'll always be safe with us."
Connie's heart thumped hard. What was it they were implying, discussing partly with words but more with glances and touches, as if she'd stumbled on someone just reviving their ancient language.
She didn't know if she wanted to know.
Still—it was a good thing. Best.
Sharp shards jagged into her heart.
The room receded, the fire into a dull glow, the girls misty ghosts around it.
"Are you okay?" said Darya.
Connie nodded, dragging herself back into the present, forcing herself not to face the implications.
"Have you seen James yet?" Connie asked.
She almost regretted it; Darya's eyes shadowed. "Not yet. I sent a servant to check in on him a half hour ago. He was just lying in bed… I don't know what to do. He won't even come out and meet the girls."
"Maybe Jason will find something."
"I pray he will," said Darya.
"Maybe… if we tell him the news, it'll lift his spirits," said Roderick.
"News?" said Connie, dread filling her veins.
Just then, two servants strode into the room with several bags of clothes. They set them down on the divan and left.
At the intrusion, the girls huddled back close to the fireplace. Avara tucked her head into Aurora's shoulder, clutching her tightly.
Connie knelt and crept closer to them, giving them a lot of space, leaving gaps so they didn't feel trapped. "Hey," she said, holding out one hand, palm up. "They just brought your new clothes. Do you want to see?"
Avara turned around and looked at her, then nodded slowly. She crawled forward and, tentatively, took Connie's hand.
Warmth thrilled through her. She's starting to trust me! She ignored that nagging voice that said it doesn't matter. She won't be yours.
Connie stood and guided Avara over to the bags of clothes. Carefully she lifted some out and laid them on the divan.
Avara slid her hand away from Connie's and clapped. "Ooh that's so pretty!" She lifted a floral yellow and pink shirt.
"It's very pretty," said Aurora, looking cautiously interested.
"Do you want to find what you like?"
Aurora shook her head and turned to Arina, stroking her hair.
Arina was trembling. Her little action figure, a superhero of some kind, had fallen to the bricks of the fireplace. Arina faced the fire, her face pale in the reflection of the glass.
"I… I don't think she can," said Aurora. "We better look at them in our room."
"Okay," said Connie. The girls had been doing well, considering; she hadn't expected them to emerge from their room yet but the urge to explore the palace must've been too great.
"This one looks good for you, Rora," said Avara. She lifted up a purple shirt with a butterfly on it.
Aurora nodded. "I like it."
"There are some dresses too," said Darya. "Someday if you want to come to church with us, you can wear them."
"Or go to a ball," said Avara.
Darya smiled. "Or a ball." She looked at Roderick. "We'll have to have one sometime."
"A grand ball," he said, "fit for a princess."
"We'll be just like princesses!" said Avara.
"Well… if you really want to, you can be princesses for real."
"Really?"
He nodded. "You can live in the palace with us. Unless you'd rather not…"
"Are you kidding! I'd love to live here!" She twirled around, her new frilly shirt flying.
"I'd have to talk it over with Arina," said Aurora.
Arina turned toward her, grasping Aurora's hand. She looked cautiously out at the room, her green eyes gleaming with fear, but with a glint of curiosity. Then she tucked her head back against Arina's shoulder. Aurora rubbed her back in a slow, soothing motion. She looked out at Connie and the king and queen, gaze serious, brimming with suspicion. "What do we have to do to earn these gifts? What will we have to do for you if we stay in the palace?"
"You won't have to do anything. We want to adopt you. If that's what you want. You would just live here and have fun….and heal."
Aurora drew Arina closer, as if to shield her. Arina pressed her cheek to her sister's, as if trying to hide in the shadows. "I mean…" Her eyes sharpened. "What would you expect of us. How would we have to…perform for you."
Roderick's eyes closed, a crease in his brow. He looked at Aurora earnestly. "You won't have to do any of what you used to do. What was done to you was wrong. They forced you to do things…no child should have to even know of. I'm sorry. I bear some of the responsibility since I am king and…it was under my rule. But I want to make it up to you. I want to serve you, not the other way around."
Aurora looked horrified. She shook her head. "I…don't really like that kind of thing. If you really want to… maybe…"
He shook his head. "No—I would never—" He rubbed his jaw, looking down. "Such things are not meant for ten-year-olds at all. It should only be for grown-ups. Never grownups with kids. Just thinking of it is sickening."
Avara planted a hand on her hip. "I thought all grownups wanted that. Especially men."
"Some of them do. I know it's hard for you to understand because…you've been in that. It seems normal. But it's not. Myself—I've…only ever been with one woman, and I only ever want to be." He squeezed Darya's hand.
"Only one?" said Avara, looking astonished.
He nodded, a hint of a smile tilting his lips, then he said, "What was done to you was not your fault. If you stay here, you can try to forget. Focus on this beautiful palace. You can run on the green grass. You can play in the gardens. You can play with all the toys you want, you can eat the kinds of foods you want. You'll always have enough of everything, and you won't have to earn it. It's my gift to you."
Aurora narrowed her eyes. "But…how will we pay you back?"
"It's a gift. A real gift means—you don't have to pay for it."
Her brow furrowed as if she couldn't comprehend it.
"You don't have to make the decision now. Talk it over with each other. I want you to know what you're getting into. There will be some public scrutiny, but I'll try to shield you from that as much as possible. I'll try to get the best counseling in the country. And—you'll have a big brother."
"A big brother?" said Avara.
"He's in his room now."
"Oh. He sleeps in."
Roderick smiled with a shadow of sorrow. "Sometimes. He…misses his fiancé. She was taken by some of the same kinds of people who hurt you."
"Ohh." She turned away.
"But when she's rescued, she'll come to live with us, and then you'll have a big sister!"
"I've always wanted a big sister!" Her face lit up. "Well, technically Aurora is my big sister, but she's like two minutes older."
"Unless any of your relatives come to claim you, you can stay at the palace as long as you want. We'll never let anyone who doesn't love you take you away again."
"This is the best place I've ever seen. Especially…if…we really don't have to…." She swallowed, looked down at the floor.
"Never."
"We'll take care of you as long as you need us to," said Darya. "You can stay here even after you're all grown up." Undisguised affection suffused her face.
Avara rushed over to her sisters and knelt in front of them. "We can really be princesses!"
Aurora nodded solemnly, looking guardedly hopeful. They shared a hug, Arina still looking shaken.
Connie helped them back to their room with the new clothes and Roderick had their lunch sent in (or rather, set outside the door so they wouldn't be disturbed).
After helping the girls bring in their lunch, Connie joined the king and queen at the table. Her first burst of disappointment had vanished, replaced by joy. They deserved to be princesses. A little sorrow remained—but Connie and Jason were already adopting Lexi, Tanya, and Mina. Maybe one more. It wouldn't be fair to them to add any more than that at the same time.
To her surprise, James arrived a few minutes into lunch. He looked pale and drawn, but there was a gleam of expectation, if not hope, in his eye that hadn't been there before.
Darya leaned forward from her place at the end of the table. "Are you all right?"
James nodded, glancing at his parents tentatively.
"We've missed you," said Roderick.
He pursed his lips, looked down at his plate, pensive.
"You'll need to meet the triplets," said Darya. "Of course, meeting a lot of people is overwhelming for them. But if you're going to be their brother…"
"Their brother?" He looked uncomprehending.
"We're thinking of adopting them," said Roderick. "If that's what they want."
"Oh."
"I hope you'll welcome them a little more enthusiastically than that," said Darya, frowning.
"It'll be wonderful to have sisters after all this time. But… it's just. A lot."
"I know," said Roderick.
"It's not just… I mean— you don't know about—"
"What is it?" said Darya, concerned.
"I…don't know if I should say it here." His voice dropped to a whisper.
"It's perfectly secure. And you don't have to worry about Connie."
"It's not that. It—"
"He told me already," Connie said then wondered if she should have.
"He told you?" said Darya, eyes flashing.
"He—just stumbled on me. Watching a video for clues. It…" She stopped, since it was up to James to tell.
"They've…" His voice was hoarse, distressed. "They've…been sending me videos."
"Who?" said Darya.
"Yavesh."
"And you haven't told me?" said Roderick.
He shook his head. "Because they told me not to. Or they'd hurt her."
"Ohhhh. James. I… had no idea."
"We just thought…you were missing Luna. But they've been— No wonder." Darya sat back in her chair, looking incredulous.
"Did they demand anything?" said Roderick.
"Just…told me not to tell. But then I told Connie and she said she'd look for clues… and then I thought, how can they know in the palace… as long as I don't say anything over the internet. Right?"
"I'd trust all my servants with my life."
"Did they hurt her?" said Darya.
"Not…at first. But the last time… they sent last night… she was—" His voice caught and he leaned his head in his hands. He shook with silent sobs and Darya got up to wrap her arms around him. Roderick joined them; Connie felt rather awkward but none of this was about her, anyway. She'd only triggered his revelation.
"Now that we know it's Yavesh…" said Roderick, his eyes fiery, "we know who to target. And we have the videos for clues. I'll do everything I can to get her back."
James sniffed. "They might find out."
"I'll go through unofficial channels. Only use the people I trust the most. The elite of the elite." He glanced at Connie. "Some of them are on the mission with Jason. Ready to take Ali down—and question him."
"Perhaps use less conventional methods?" said Darya.
"Perhaps," said Roderick reluctantly.
James asked Connie if she'd found anything yet; she said she hadn't. She didn't tell him she hadn't had time to watch the videos, taking care of the girls and talking to Jason.
After lunch, Roderick went to the orphanage to get an idea of how to create a program to make sure no children fell through the cracks ever again. To make sure the most vulnerable were taken care of, long before he abdicated. And make sure the trafficked kids received special attention. He was also meeting some of his Romani family there so they could search and see if any of their lost ones had ended up there.
Connie longed to see Mina, Tanya, and Lexi, but it was too soon to leave the triplets. She checked on them; she heard them laughing and talking beyond the closed door and didn't want to intrude. So with a heavy heart she stepped into her room and began watching the videos of Luna.
When Connie had met her, she'd been so full of life. Now, she was scared to death, her face tinged with gray, her black hair disheveled. She backed up to the back of the bed, huddling in the corner, trying to hide her face from the harsh lights. But the cameraman grabbed her chin and forced her to face them while he spewed his threats.
Connie felt sick. She took a drink of water, paced the room, looked out on the bright afternoon.
I can't take this. But—I have to.
Hm. Maybe I can ask Eugene to help me… He would probably know a way to block any eavesdroppers on the internet… problem is, I'd have to tell him first and risk the same eavesdroppers. But I wouldn't have to tell him any details… just ask if there's a way. I won't do anything without James' permission, though.
She watched the second video which was worse. Luna shivered on the bare bed; she wore a plain linen dress, smudged. Bruises marred her tearstained face.
The man advanced; she cried out, "Please, don't!"
He chuckled. "Don't worry, I won't. Yet." He turned the camera to show his face, just his eyes showing, which were blueish gray. "But if you tell, let's just say she'll be a little…worse for wear." A smirk lifted his lips.
Then, it stopped.
Connie shut the laptop and laid her head on her arms. Darkness weighed down on her. She couldn't move, could hardly think…. Didn't even feel sick, but instead, an alarming numbness. Or more like a blank barrier beyond which she didn't want to feel.
More darkness than she could bear.
Then she remembered. The source of light.
Dear God. Please… please protect Luna… please let us find her.
And please protect my Jason. Bring him back to me, without any injuries this time. Heal him from all he's gone through. Don't let him get hurt, ever again.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.