A beeping sound. Steady and even. Then it beeped slightly faster; light glowed against his eyelids.
Jason opened his eyes. Light filtered through blue curtains with tiny suns embroidered on them.
Why am I here?
Images splashed through his mind, along with sharp feelings—
Cold rain
A lake
Mist
A silhouette gradually materializing….
Gray fading into the mist, surrounded by ghostly figures….
What felt more real was the cold cliff, watching…
Horrors unfolding below. Unable to do anything.
The diversion…. An avalanche of stones….
Before that, stark images of blood, agents twisted in death.
Standing under harsh lights in an auction, displayed for an audience.
Before that—bound by fear, someone carving into him—
A young girl, tortured in the labyrinthine basement…
The strange house, Ali admiring the dark objects….
Prison with Connie…
A broken down house, a woman aiming her gun at him…
It all seemed like a dream. At which point did the dream peel away from reality…. When exactly had he been injured. Why was he here in a hospital. Was he in Muldavia… or had that all been unreal as well… had he been knocked unconscious in Paraguay…
Do I really have a nephew and grand-niece?
Connie. He knew she was real, although that time in the glade seemed too dreamlike to be true…
He tried to move; pain shot through his head. He lay back on the pillow and took stock of his body. Pain—that was always too real. Not a constant companion, but a dictator who tried messing up his life as much as possible.
His nose ached. Along with his stomach, side, shoulder…. Actually, his whole head ached. But thankfully it was dulled by the morphine dripping into his veins.
He resisted the urge to rip out the IV like people always did in movies. He didn't like being trapped here, but he supposed it was for his own good. At least he was safe. Most likely, unless this was some private hospital in Paraguay that belonged to Ramon. He probably needed to heal a little more before he got up. Which was maddening.
His heart ached. He longed to see Connie. He almost felt the ghost of her hand in his…. Perhaps she'd been here when he was unconscious. Where was she now?
Probably getting some well-deserved rest….
He looked to the left; there was an empty bed. In a way, it was a relief to be alone, not bombarded with sensation as he tried to figure things out, but he also felt desolate. He could hear voices and footsteps beyond the door, but they seemed vague and far away.
Panic built in his chest; he had to fight the powerful urge to yank out the IV and go walking about the halls. Or take the IV with him.
He shoved down those feelings. I'm not trapped.
The memories nagged at his mind, but he thrashed about for anything else—avoiding the images and feelings pressing in on him.
Still, the images flashed across his mind almost as if he was there again.
Meeting Ali—unable to react fast enough to take him down.
Striking him down in anger.
Sudden blows of pain everywhere he ached now.
Unable to move.
They could have taken him.
Instead, Ali had honored his promise and left…
With Gray.
He hadn't followed through on his mission and captured Ali. Tasha and Saul were doomed—caught up in the meatgrinder…
My fault.
Yavesh is evil. Nothing I can do—when they decimated a whole contingent of agents.
Except—
Gray had found the solution.
Had Ali accepted him instead?
He had floated away into the distance…consumed by darkness….
Heading voluntarily into the horrors he'd suffered before.
For Tasha.
For love. How could it be anything else?
Pure, sacrificial love—from one Jason had once thought irredeemable.
Would I have done the same for Connie.
Of course.
Offered yourself up to endless pain—for her?
I wouldn't leave her to such horrors.
Do the others deserve rescue less? Just because you don't love them like you love her? They're just a man you really don't know very well—and Tasha, your ex. Not worth much to you.
Stop it!
In endless pain, because of you.
He doubted Yavesh would have actually held up their end of the deal. He wasn't going to sacrifice his life for nothing.
Voices fluttered into his mind, all garbled at first. Then they materialized into words.
Rustling sounds beside him.
A sharp indrawn breath.
"It's okay, Mr. Amir," said a female voice. "No more moving for a while."
"Doctor's orders," said a male voice.
Jason turned to see a doctor and a nurse, a man in bed beside them.
Saul!
He was heavily bandaged—his temple, jaw, arms, wrists, legs, ankles—and more bandages hinted beneath his blue hospital gown. There was a sling on his shoulder, keeping his arm close to his body. The nurse set up his IV and he settled in, breathing deeply, his eyes closed. Before the doctor left, he said softly, "Thank you."
After finishing with Saul, the nurse bustled over to Jason. "Ah, looks like you're awake, Mr. Whittaker. How are you feeling?"
"A little fuzzy."
"That's to be expected. You had quite the ordeal. How's your pain level?"
"Manageable."
The nurse smiled, tucked her short dark hair behind her ear. "Spoken like someone used to dealing with doctors." Her face grew more serious. "And someone used to dealing with unmanageable pain." She pursed her lips. "Examining you when you came in… checking your chart from before… You've gone through a lot. Just in the past week. Shot several times, beaten up—not to mention the scars that are healed over. The trauma you experienced right before you were brought in wasn't that bad actually—the mild concussion is the worst. But your body was telling you it was going beyond its limits."
"That's why I passed out?"
"I know the signs of sheer exhaustion. When is the last time you slept?"
"A couple hours yesterday…"
"Let me put it this way. How long since you got a good night's sleep."
"Two days ago…"
"There you go."
"But—that shouldn't be enough to get knocked unconscious."
"Well, getting hit hard several places on your head didn't help. But it's cumulative. You should have gotten several weeks of recuperation—not just physically—after being tortured the day before yesterday. But you just kept going, pushing yourself." She shook her head.
"I had to find Tasha and Saul."
"That's commendable. And it looks like you accomplished your goal." She glanced at Saul. "But now—it really is time to rest."
"What about Tasha? Is she okay?"
The nurse nodded. "She had to go into surgery to extract the bullet in her stomach and then get a transfusion—it didn't look good for a while. But she's going to pull through."
So Yavesh really had held up their end of the bargain! Unless Leila had gotten them back… He needed to find out the details. Wasn't sure if Saul would be up to telling him. He hated to just have to lie here—but in a way he was glad, because he got to keep Saul company, be there for him. Since what he'd done hadn't done any good. Or maybe it had. Interrupted Yavesh… bought Saul some time by arranging the "trade"… He looked in rough shape, but he could have been much worse, considering who he'd been captured by.
"When can I get out of here?" said Jason.
"We'll need to keep you for observation a little longer…you just woke up, so you need a bit more recovery time. But after that, your wife can take you home."
"Where is she?"
"I'm not sure. She's been here all day."
"What time is it?"
"Fourteen-thirty."
"Can I have my phone?"
"Sure." She opened the drawer beside his bed and handed it to him.
"Thank you." He saw there were messages and unlocked the phone to see them. Many texts from Connie from last night… a few from Leila and Dana… all from earlier. They must all know where he was now—that he was safe but had been unconscious.
The nurse went over to check on Saul and then stepped out and shut the door. Jason wasn't sure if Saul was resting or asleep, so he kept scrolling on his phone. He resisted the urge to message Connie. She probably needed some rest too. And the triplets needed her.
To see Connie—be near her again— thrills raced through him at the possibility. He felt like bouncing off the walls.
Jason looked over at Saul; he was staring at the ceiling. Then he looked at Jason. "How are you doing?" he said softly.
"I should be asking you that. According to the nurse, my injuries hardly warranted coming in for."
"That's not what I heard."
"What happened to me is nothing compared to what happened to you."
He winced. "What do you know about it?"
"I found you at the mansion. I saw what they were doing—so I had to engineer a diversion."
A smile tugged at his lips. "So that was you! I…was lying there…heard some crash… they went off looking for the source. But they must not've found you. I don't know much about what happened. I've been in the ICU."
"I… thought it might not have been enough to get them away from you. So I called Ali. I wanted to catch him. But he…got the better of me."
"How did you escape?"
"I…didn't. He offered me a choice." Guilt hit him—though at the same time, he didn't know how he could have made any other choice. I couldn't offer myself when I didn't know if they'd honor any promise… turns out my word is worth less than Yavesh's…. "I…chose to—not exchange myself for you. Ali left. I'm sorry—I couldn't."
"You found me—you caused two diversions. You're not to blame for what they did. It all ended well."
"Because of Gray."
"The freelance agent?"
"I think it was for Tasha he did it. They have a strong bond. But—for some reason, Gray is worth both of you to Yavesh."
"I will be forever in his debt. Even if it wasn't his main goal to release me. I'm safe because of him." His voice faltered. He closed his eyes.
"If they hadn't let you go—I would have done everything in my power to get you out."
"Thank you, Jason. If it hadn't been for your diversion…." He shuddered, trembling, fists clenching the sheets.
"What they were doing—I couldn't let it just happen."
"I wish you hadn't seen it." A blush suffused his cheeks. "But if you hadn't… I wouldn't have had a break...and it would have gone even further…"
"So—they didn't stop after the landslide?" Come to think of it, Ali had mentioned further "degradation" … Jason didn't want to know what that meant. But he had heard Saul scream in the background of the phone call….
"Before they took me for the exchange. They took me into the ballroom. They…"
"You don't have to tell me."
"I…might not have the strength later… I'll want to put it behind me… you know what that's like."
Jason nodded. He wanted to use his trauma to empathize, so at least it could do some good, but at the same time, he didn't want to hear this…However, Saul not having experienced torture before, he didn't know how it hurt to hear even secondhand….
"It was a relief when they untied my arms and legs… they didn't tie me again, but I couldn't move anyway because of my leg and my arm… the knives still in my shoulders…"
"What happened to your leg?"
"Shot when they captured me. They started out in the basement with some knives—kept on when I was on the table. In the ballroom they… started living up to their name as traffickers. Well. You saw Samar, right? It's all hazy what happened when…."
"The kiss?"
Saul nodded. "In a way… it was worse than anything else—so tender. A mockery. I'm not even calling it a kiss, because there was no love in it. Not close to what I get from Leila. But still, it… violates what we have… I… feel like I don't deserve Leila's kisses anymore even though I know it wasn't my fault in any way."
"Someone…did that to me."
"Elena."
Jason nodded, although Marisa's was more recent. "It does… cut into your mind in weird ways…twist things… just a kiss… I can't imagine what it's like with…." What Gray experienced. Jason's heart lurched—Gray going into the unspeakable after he'd escaped… Jason couldn't get over his sacrifice—could hardly comprehend it and didn't want to look directly at what Gray was in for with Yavesh.
"I kind of… well. Now I empathize more with victims of human trafficking. I always escaped the worst danger even during the communists… my uncle was disappeared, but I stayed safe until the revolution, and as an agent, I only experienced mild violence. Now. I can't say this was mild, though it could have been…much worse." He took a deep breath, looked down. Jason wasn't sure if he was going to continue; didn't blame him. Then, his jaw set with determination, Saul forged forward. "They let the guests cut into me…like a game, or some twisted art studio. I lost a lot of blood. The floor was—slippery with it… I…" He smiled a little, through the horror. "It was good in a way. Because… at least I had something to cover me."
"You mean—"
"They undressed me. Knives, you know. Not caring about what was beneath…"
Jason's heart thumped hard. Each torturous word cut into him, but at the same time he wasn't going to let on that it affected him. He wanted to be there for Saul. Who deserved all the support he could get.
I should have gone in after all….
Then Leila would have gotten there soon after and Gray wouldn't have had to sacrifice himself—
The realization stabbed him, leaving him breathless. He forced himself to focus on what Saul was saying.
"There was…nothing they left alone. Except my face, after the first session…. They were all saying complimentary things, I suppose, but that was just a mockery. I was just a thing to do with as they saw fit. I…don't think I would be able to talk about this at all if it had gone much further. They…started cutting… mm… places that were the most vulnerable. I… couldn't help but scream. They started debating whether to sell me or…share me, when Samar got a call and then ordered them to bind my wounds… after that, I was in and out of consciousness I think…. Or in shock…. I saw Tasha at some point… despite her wounds, she tried to comfort me. I think I might've panicked… but she stayed with me when they dropped us off on the side of the road. Kept me warm in the rain. Some kid found us… I feel bad about that, but I suppose there was nothing I could do. An ambulance came, apparently, but by then I was too far gone to notice…" He took a deep breath. "So… I'm safe now. I just have to keep telling myself that."
"That feeling…kind of hangs around." Jason felt vaguely nauseous after the story, his wounds throbbing. "If there's anything I can do…"
"Just listening helps. Beyond what you've already done."
Not enough, he almost said. I vowed to put others before myself… I should have at least prayed about it. Instead, I took matters into my own hands. Followed my desires and fears…
Gray is gone.
I should have protected him.
I should have taken Ali down—what was wrong with me. I had the chance and I just let it slip away…. Exhaustion, I suppose.
Too weak to deal with something not nearly as horrible as what Saul had to.
As horrible as what Gray had done was, he hadn't focused on…all of him, and he hadn't cut him until he lost significant amounts of blood. Probably because he needed to keep him alert, but the effect was better for Jason. It also showed what twisted people were in Yavesh. And that they didn't care as much for keeping Saul lucid for interrogation as they did humiliating him…perhaps it wasn't about information at all, but about crushing agents. Like with Elliot.
To think it could have been worse….
To think I could have felt such things… been cut off from Connie the rest of my life…
"I can't really give advice about how to deal with some of it," said Jason, "just secondhand. From what Gr—from what people have told me."
"I don't feel like I have the right to compare myself with…people who have gone through worse. Like the things…they were planning. But I suppose I am… a sexual assault victim in a way." He grimaced. "I can't pretend to know what people who have really experienced it feel. But maybe I have a better idea… I really want to pretend it didn't happen. I was actually thinking about staying in the field, helping human trafficking victims firsthand. Now… I don't know if I can…. It should make me more desirous to help. And it does. But—I can't stop the feeling that if it happened once, it could happen again. Especially heading straight into the sights of the traffickers. It might not be the best for me to be in the field anyway… keeping within my limits. Depends on if I get over this… I should because it's not really that much. Comparably."
"Give yourself a break. You're still in the hospital. Besides. It will take a while to get over this. Even if it wasn't the worst. It was still…horrific. You need—you deserve—to heal."
So do I.
But. Mine wasn't as bad. And—it's been years, at least a year since most of it. I should be over it. I shouldn't be ruled by fear anymore…
"I suppose," said Saul, "it is too early to be thinking about what to do later anyway. I need time…space…. Now that I've told you, I don't need to tell anyone else. Well—the doctors already know. Maybe a therapist. And—Leila, of course." He frowned, dismay flashing across his eyes. "I…don't want her to know. If I could tell the doctors not to tell…. But she'll find out eventually…." He closed his eyes, brow creased with anguish.
"It's up to you. She might want to know how you're hurt. To help you."
"I don't want to keep myself from her. But I don't know how I can….be with her. After this. I feel… tainted from their touch…."
It broke his heart. It wasn't Saul's fault at all, but he still felt ashamed… to not want to be touched by the one he loved… Jason didn't want to imagine what that was like. Sometimes he didn't feel worthy, but to avoid Connie's touch because of it…. Somehow, Jason hadn't considered that particularly awful dimension.
"She loves you," said Jason, wanting to comfort him—make him see it was their shame, not his. "She won't be disgusted by you."
"I just… feel their hands on me…. Her beautiful hands shouldn't touch someone they touched."
"Hers will heal you. They can't be corrupted by them. Your love can't be darkened by what they are."
His eyes sparked as if with realization. "I can't let them win—can't let them crush what we have. Have to—shut all that darkness out. Deal with it. With Leila beside me…." Tears streamed down his cheeks.
Tears threatened Jason's eyes as well. At the heartbreaking horror of what Saul had gone through—and the beauty of their love.
Like his love for Connie, and hers for him.
Something so beautiful and pure—nothing could tear it apart.
He was glad Saul had someone like Leila. They shared a wonderful love together, too.
It would take time to get over what happened. Perhaps you never got over all of it… some piece of you stayed in that past. And you lost it and never got it back. You diverged from what you were… you changed. If you let it…some for the better.
A few moments later, the door opened, and Connie stepped through.
The ray of sunshine burst into his arms and he embraced her, the minor aches nothing compared to her love.
Connie sat in the chair beside Jason, his face serene in sleep. Love glowed through her, although the desperate fear of yesterday lingered, along with concern for his injuries. But he was here, and he was safe. And he had vowed to rest. For several days at least. And implied that he would take it easier from now on.
She admired him for his astonishing skills as an agent, for what he'd done to rescue the kids and Tasha and Saul, but she also hoped he would stay out of danger from now on. They could do things more behind the scenes… like they were going to… and she could stay with him every moment… Besides, the NSA agents were here, and they could take over the more dangerous tasks. Now that Yavesh had killed agents, they wanted more than ever to take them down.
They'd captured some of them. Maybe some important ones. Maybe this would lead to a breakthrough….
And Connie and Jason could go home and bring their kids.
My little girls. Lexi, Tanya, and Mina. Love filled her at each of their names.
Finally—some beauty arising from all the pain. Jason was safe… in a few days he'd be almost back to normal…. She'd help him through it, and eventually…
She wanted to touch him—be as close as possible. But she didn't want to wake him—he needed as much rest as he could get.
A twinge hit her when she looked at the bandages on his face. He'd broken his nose. Jason had said it'd give him a roguish look. She would love him no matter what… but still. She hated any part of him to be broken.
He stirred but didn't wake. Saul stirred, glancing toward the waning sunlight filtering through the blinds. He squinted—she went toward the blinds turner to close them, but he shook his head. "I want the light," he said softly.
Her stomach turned over at the evil of Yavesh—not "just" seeing it on a video but its immediate aftermath. At least he'd gotten away. She'd seen Leila in the hall, seen her ferocity when it came to protecting her husband, and assumed it had been through her actions.
She was pricked by a twinge of jealousy—If only I had the power to protect Jason!
I almost lost you.
Many times.
Don't leave me again.
The song her mother used to sing to her at bedtime filtered into her mind and she sang softly before realizing she was doing it, "…You'll never know dear, how much I love you. Please don't take my sunshine away." Tears spilled onto her cheeks. She leaned her head in her hands. Hot tears seeped through her fingers.
"Connie," came his voice.
Wonder raced through her, and she slid her chair over beside him and clasped his hand, kissed his cheek. He pressed his hand to the back of her head, drawing her close. And she lay down in the bed beside him and kissed him.
The door opened and several people tumbled inside.
Leila and her kids. The kids ran over to Saul and began hugging him; Leila pulled them back, admonishing them. Leila kissed him gently and a brilliant smile lit up his face.
A nurse came in and gave him some supper; she asked Jason if he wanted some, but he said he'd rather have it outside of the hospital.
"You can check out now if you want," she said.
Jason struggled to sit up; Connie helped him. Stiffly, he shuffled to the bathroom, and she helped him change into the clean clothes she'd brought for him. As she did, she glimpsed the deep purple bruises on his side, shoulder, and knee, not to mention slightly lighter bruises from the day before yesterday. The deep cut in his shoulder didn't look good. The one on his face seemed a little better today.
They said goodbye to Saul, Leila and the kids; little Katrina rushed up and hugged her. Everyone looked rather worn out but relieved; Leila's eyes were haunted with nearly losing her husband.
Connie knew what that was like. She'd barely slept last night, even after she knew Jason was safe.
On the way out, they met Dana and Markov. Dana was helping Markov, holding his arm. He held a cane in his other hand, but otherwise looked as fit as ever except for hints of pain on his face. His eyes burned with an inner determination. Dana looked protective but at the same time a little distracted.
"Should you be getting out yet?" said Markov, shuffling toward them.
"I should ask you that," said Jason.
"It's high time I escape this prison." He swore. "I should've been out there with them. Instead—everything went to hell."
"It might have anyway," said Jason.
His eyes flashed, but then he said, "You daren't underestimate Yavesh. It's showing its true colors. But still… if the Service had had a good showing— instead of Andronova not taking it seriously—" He swore savagely. "Sorry. Hospitals set me on edge."
"We just came from visiting Sam," said Dana.
"How is he?" asked Jason.
"Better than yesterday. They say he'll pull through." She took a deep, shaky breath. Her face was pale, weariness etching lines Connie hadn't noticed before. "He told me to get some rest. I suppose…I won't be any good like this…."
"Have you slept?"
She shook her head. "I thought I'd—" Her voice caught. "Lose him." It was startling to see someone normally strong and in good spirits upset.
"I should have been at his side," said Markov.
"You couldn't have done anything," said Dana. "You're still not in any shape to do anything strenuous."
"I'll make sure to get in on the interrogations of the ones they caught."
"Some were caught?" said Jason.
"Samar. Several others. We think some escaped before they blew up the house."
"They blew up the house?"
"Here I thought I was out of the loop."
"No one's told me anything."
"They probably didn't want to distress you."
"I'm not that fragile."
He shrugged. "That's what they do here. Try to suppress you. That just adds more stress if you ask me." He tapped his cane on the floor. "Let's get out of here." He took a few steps forward, avoiding Dana's attempts to help.
"Are you coming?" said Markov, looking back.
"We still have to check out," said Connie.
"See you on the outside." Dana waved and guided him through the revolving door.
At the front desk, Jason asked if he could see Tasha.
"I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "but she is in a medically induced coma. She's not taking visitors at this time."
"What about tomorrow?"
"Maybe," said the receptionist, looking doubtful. She returned to her computer screen.
They walked toward the door. "A coma," said Jason. "I knew it was bad, but…"
"She'll be okay."
"I hope so."
Once they got past the tricky revolving door, Jason insisted on walking on his own, although she stayed close to him in case he needed help. He reached the car fine, but once he got there, he leaned against it, his face weary.
She grasped his arm and helped him into the passenger seat.
"I just…need some food I think…." He leaned his head in his palm.
"What do you want?"
"Anything sounds good. How about something Muldavian."
She googled the best restaurant nearby and they headed off to supper.
It was very good; she almost forgot the worries of the day before. Some color sprang back into his cheeks, and he spoke and laughed almost as if he were back to normal. But he was still pale, and his hands shook slightly.
He'd been through so much in the past few days. It was a miracle he was back with her.
Tears filled her eyes, blurring the bright lights in the restaurant.
He grasped her hand, squeezed it. Then she slid over beside him and wrapped her arms around him. He kissed her head, caressed her; they sat that way for a long time, giving each other gentle touches. She was careful not to go near his injuries.
She didn't even mind when the waiter came with their check. It wasn't like they were going too far in public, just cuddling.
When they got back to the palace, it was dark. Jason twirled around in the foyer, nearly knocking over one of the statues. She grasped his arm before he fell.
"I guess I'm still a little off-balance," he said. "It's just so good to be back. I thought I might…never…" He looked at her, longing in his eyes. Pressed his hand gently to her cheek. "Shall we—"
"What?" she said, though she knew what he meant.
"I need you, my love. After all that…"
"You need to take it easy."
"That doesn't count. Your love will help me get better. Besides, it's not that bad…"
"Just because it's not as bad as the others doesn't mean you don't need to rest."
He hesitated, then nodded. "You probably need your rest, too."
"We can both get some sleep…then tomorrow, maybe…"
"Maybe?"
She smiled, kissed his uninjured cheek. With his broken nose, it was hard to kiss him on the lips. She had to be very careful.
She helped him to their bedroom. Then she checked on the triplets. They were sleeping soundly. She was happy they were settling in so well to their new home. They deserved no less than the best—to be princesses in a palace. She headed back into her bedroom. Jason was in his pajamas.
He sat down on the bed, breathing hard. "Just that amount…. You're right. Meanwhile… just being with you. I'm…" He took a sharp breath. "I never want to be away from you again."
She sat down beside him. "You never have to. Now that the NSA is here… we can go back to the way things were."
"The real agents can take it from here. I'll keep behind the scenes…maybe some remote viewing, but that's it. Tasha's safe. Gray—" His voice caught. He looked out the window, into the darkness. Then turned to look at her. He kissed the bridge of her nose. Clasped her hand, his other hand sliding to the back of her neck, swept her close. Slid his hand down her arm, caressed her fingers, her palm. "Connie…"
She slid back a little. "Jason…." She kissed his forehead. "I love you."
"I dreamed of being with you. It kept me going."
She helped him lie down against the pillows and traced gentle swirls on his arm until he fell asleep. Then she watched him, her heart desperate with love, until she drifted off into dreams.
She woke up to screaming.
A little girl's scream, filled with terror.
She leaped to her feet and dashed through the hallway to the triplets' room. Pushed the door open.
Aurora was holding Arina, stroking her hair. Arina was sobbing against her shoulder. Avara was huddled on the pillows, holding her ears. As soon as they saw Connie, they scrambled away from her, Aurora and Arina to the furthest point on the bed, and Avara jumping off the other side.
Connie held out her hands, trying to look nonthreatening. "Are you okay?"
Aurora stared at her, then nodded slowly. "She just has nightmares, sometimes," she said in a soft voice.
It broke her heart a little girl would have such nightmares. "Do you need anything?"
"Nightmares can't hurt us." Avara glanced at Arina, who was huddled on the pillows, her head buried in the covers.
"You're safe now. No one will ever hurt you again."
"You can't promise that."
"The king and queen will protect you. You're in the safest place in the country."
Avara shrugged. "You never know…."
"Anyone can have bad dreams."
"You?" She looked incredulous.
"Yeah."
"What could you have bad dreams about."
Connie resisted telling, but she was here to help the girls. "I…lost my baby this year."
Avara's eyes widened. "Your baby died?"
Connie nodded, her throat tightening. "And I almost lost Jason. A couple times. I keep having dreams I'll lose him for good."
"Did he come back from the hospital yet?"
"Last night."
"Is he okay?" said Aurora.
Connie's throat burned. "He…just has some bad bruises. He almost got caught, though."
"Was he rescuing more kids?" said Aurora.
Connie nodded. "He was trying to take down the whole organization, so no one ever gets kidnapped again. They captured his friends, so he had to rescue them."
"Did he get them out?" said Avara.
"Yeah. They got very injured though."
"Sometimes they hurt us a lot. If we didn't do…what we were supposed to…." Avara's voice trailed off and she meandered over to the window, her back to Connie.
"I had that dream," said Aurora, so quietly Connie almost couldn't hear her. She resisted the urge to step closer.
"What dream?" Connie crouched close to the floor.
"Th-they were…punishing me. I tried to stop them from hurting the others so—" She shuddered, looked down. "I woke up when Arina had her nightmare. It must've been worse than mine. Sometimes I don't ever…want to go back to sleep…" A silent sob shook her.
"Hey—it's okay," said Connie, longing to go to her, but not knowing if she'd mind. They were safe, but the trauma would last. How could she comfort them knowing that. "If you keep having nightmares—maybe we can find a way for them to stop."
"Really?"
"The doctor might help."
Her face fell. "Oh."
"They might have some medicine for you. And—you're going to stay here and make good memories to chase the nightmares away."
"I hope so!" She laid her hand gently on Arina's back, leaned down and whispered something to her. Arina turned her head to face her sister.
"Since I'm back from the hospital, maybe we can do something fun today."
Aurora's face brightened. "Can we go outside?"
Connie nodded. Looked out the window; the sun was glowing at the edge of the horizon. "It looks like it's going to be a beautiful day."
Jason was up when she got back to her room. She helped him into the shower, then helped him get dressed, because his ribs were too bruised for him to lean over. His movements were stiff and slow. He slid several painkillers into his mouth, closing his eyes in relief as he swallowed them.
When they got into the hall, James was there, looking tired but in better spirits than he had lately. He wondered if the girls were okay, since the screaming had woken him up, but he hadn't wanted to startle the girls by checking on them. Yesterday he'd met them, and they'd helped get his mind off of Luna's captivity.
Connie gathered the girls; Avara led the way while Aurora coaxed Arina forward. She still looked dazed, half in her nightmare. They all ate breakfast together in the main room; servants brought in thick buttered toast and eggs and strawberry muffins. The king and queen didn't join them because they were arranging a funeral of one of the men killed in the firefight. James chatted with the girls, and they gradually seemed to become more comfortable with him, Arina even venturing a soft reply a few times.
After breakfast, they went out into the garden, the sun glistening on the iridescent dew. The girls played around the gazebo while Jason and Connie sat on the bench and James meandered among the flowers, absently picking a few. He cradled them in his hands, smelled them, picked some apart, then let the flowers and petals fall through his fingers.
Little Arina dashed over and picked up a rose. She looked up at James and froze. James crouched down and picked up the rest of the flowers then held them out to her. She hesitated, then made a basket with her arms and he let the beautiful colors flow down into them. She buried her face in them.
Connie's heart ached with joy. Arina…who had gone through so many nightmares…was finally living in a dream you would never want to wake up from.
Connie gave Jason a gentle kiss, careful to avoid bumping his nose. To do so, she grasped his chin, which was scratchy with two days' growth of a beard.
When she lifted away, he rubbed his jaw. "Maybe I should shave…."
"I kind of like this look."
"I don't know, I think a beard should either decide one way or the other—to be or not to be."
She laughed. "This way, we get the best of both worlds. Besides—it goes with your roguish look."
"Maybe I'll keep it. For now. But don't be surprised if I shave it all off."
"I love you no matter what you look like. I'm not really a fan of you looking beat up, though…" Her heart flipped whenever she looked at the bruises on his face, the stitches on his reinjured scar.
"That'll go away soon." He set his jaw, looked out over the garden, his eyes pinched with sorrow, a sort of distant longing in them for a place she couldn't follow. She took his hand, but it was cold. He leaned his head against hers, and together they watched the kids play then flop down among the scattered flowers.
They headed inside to rest, and Connie worked with Jason for a while watching the videos of Luna. He could only stand it for so long. Then he got up, stepped toward the window. "I should be able to find something," he said, his fists clenched at his sides.
"We need a lot of breaks from this."
"We'll compare them with Elliot's videos next time."
She caressed his cheek and he turned to face her, kissed her forehead, his hand lingering in her hair.
He took her hand and they headed to lunch. This time, the queen joined them, but the king was absent. She explained he wasn't feeling very well. He had lost several friends in the firefight. James asked about any progress with Luna's videos; Connie had to tell him they hadn't found anything yet. He tried to look optimistic, but she could tell he was disappointed.
After lunch, Connie played hide and seek with the triplets. Mostly with Avara, because Arina was too afraid to hide, and Aurora stayed with her. Running around the palace, Avara hit a table and a pot fell and broke.
Avara cringed away as if she thought Connie might hit her.
Connie knelt and picked up the pieces. "It's okay."
Tears streamed down Avara's cheeks. "They'll hate me now—they'll throw me out and then—" A sob caught her throat. Connie held out her hand and Avara fell into her arms, and she held her and soothed her as she cried. When they came back to the living room, Connie explained what had happened and Darya assured her they'd never give her up, especially not for something so trivial.
"You're worth infinitely more than some old pot," said Darya. Avara climbed up on the couch beside her, wonder on her face. Darya unhooked her pearl necklace and let it fall into Avara's hands.
Connie clasped the necklace around her neck, and she went to join her sisters by the fireplace. Darya left and returned with two more necklaces, which she gave to Arina and Aurora. Then she sat on the bricks near the fireplace and Avara handed her a doll to play with. They played together for several minutes and then Aurora leaned up against her. Darya looked a little surprised then she smiled, unfiltered love gleaming in her eyes.
Connie turned away, her heart aching.
This is what I want. But…will I ever have it…
Tears spilled from her eyes, and she got up, trying to be unobtrusive, then left in search of Jason. She met the king in the hall; he looked infinitely weary.
"Are you okay?" she said.
He looked a little lost. "I'm not sure. What I do know is—I don't want to immerse in darkness when my family is right here." His eyes narrowed. "Are you alright?"
She nodded. "I need to check on my family."
He smiled and headed to the living room to be with his family.
I have Jason. I can't complain.
And my baby…. Somewhere far away I can't reach….
A shuddering breath hit her, and she leaned against the wall.
My beautiful little baby boy…. Mine and Jason's…. what he would have been…
Footsteps. She stood up straight and wiped her face, slid stray strands of hair back. A servant walked past with a tray of food. She looked away to hide her sorrow and headed to their room.
Jason was on the phone. He motioned her over and put it on speaker.
"—and that could be an option," said Whit's voice.
Her heart leaped; tears sprang to her eyes again. She'd missed him.
"So…" said Jason, "she might not come stay with us after all?"
"Well… we still have to find her. We'll have to ask her what she wants. She might want to stay where it's familiar."
"But she would have more opportunities in the United States. And she hasn't met either side of the family."
"Eventually, her father might be up to taking her back. That'd be best…as long as he stays clean. If he'd move to the States…we could get him that support."
"Dad—Connie's here."
"Connie!" said Whit. "How are you doing?"
"Okay." Her voice felt a little shaky, so she didn't know how convinced he was. "How are you?"
"Just a little tired. It's Tam I'm worried about. We were able to get him out on bail, and he was grateful. I've gotten him out of the horrible apartment he was in, surrounded by drug dealers. He lives about five blocks away from this hotel now. He's been trying to help look for Mai and helping us find out more about the people who took her. I keep telling him he can do more for Mai if he's involved in her life, but after he finds her, he doesn't want to see her. If he stays out of trouble and if he's able to get out of jail, he'll be a good influence because he loves her. But he can't get over the fact that he sold her to them."
"It's hard not to blame him for that," said Jason.
"He was under the influence of drugs. They can make you do some horrible things—without even remembering. I tell him about Jesus' love, but he won't hear it. He says he's beyond redemption—you don't sell your child for a few drugs. It wasn't exactly like that, but—"
"He sold her to save himself."
"You could say that. He was in a desperate situation. I don't excuse what he did. But he is infinitely sorry. If he didn't have her to look for, I think he might…do something drastic. He still might after we find her…so we'll have to be vigilant."
"Have you found any clues?" Connie asked.
"Sierra is going all out looking for Mai. I barely see her. I'm afraid she's not sleeping much. I tell her she can't do any good if she collapses, but she says she can live on thoughts of revenge. It's after that she might collapse."
"Are you sleeping, Dad?"
"About five to six hours. Not bad."
"Dad—"
"I'm still not used to this time zone. We haven't found much. After the first trace of the traffickers—it's like she disappeared into thin air."
"That's how it often is. But…I'd think Sierra would have found something by now."
"She says that often she tracks people for months. There's something about it, though…. It reminds her of trying to find Ben. The pattern—or lack of pattern."
"You mean—"
"It could be Yavesh."
Connie's head spun. Little Mai—caught up in its web— a girl even younger than the triplets—
"Well, considering how big they've gotten—even more than we thought—"
"I'll never stop thanking God you weren't in the path of the bullets."
"And didn't get beaten up too badly," said Connie. "I hate that it happened at all, but it could've been a lot worse."
"What do you mean—beaten up?" said Whit.
"Didn't he tell you? He was in the hospital overnight."
"What! Jason—"
"It's not that bad," said Jason.
"You were in the hospital."
"I didn't want to worry you."
"You're my son. I want to be there for you."
"Just a few bruises, nothing to write home about."
"Is that true, Connie?"
"Well…" said Connie. "He broke his nose, too. And they aren't small bruises. But compared to what happened before…"
"There wasn't anything you could have done," said Jason. "You have enough on your plate. You don't have to worry anymore, anyway. I'm pulling back. For good now. Everything's getting coordinated at the highest level, even more after the massacre. We'll probably be home soon."
"If you weren't, I might find a way to visit you there. I…don't know how much more I can do here."
"Maybe you can come next time, when the adoption's finalized."
"I'd love to see Muldavia again and meet my granddaughters."
Connie's heart felt like it would burst. She longed to see her daughters again.
Not mine yet. But soon.
And I'll be going home soon, too… Homesickness gripped her. As wonderful as Muldavia was, it wasn't Odyssey. And…it had turned out to be more stressful than she'd expected. If only they were here just for their honeymoon!
"Do you mean it?" she asked Jason when the phone call was over. "Are we going home?"
"We've done our job. It'll take months to finalize the adoption. Maybe just tie up some loose ends. Take a day or two to see Tasha, get debriefed by the NSA, say goodbye…. Maybe go to the glade one more time…."
"Oh, can we!"
A smile lit up his face. He nodded.
"We should probably wait until tomorrow," she said. "Make sure you're healed some more…so every movement doesn't hurt you."
He shrugged. "I'll take painkillers."
"Just so you're sure…"
"It's not enough to keep me from you."
She slid her hand to his face, swept it to the back of his neck and kissed him. He caressed her cheek.
"Would you like to go see the girls?"
Her heart jumped. "I'd love to!"
After lunch, they left to visit the orphanage. At the front desk, a woman with a young boy was filling out paperwork. The boy was about five, with dark curly hair, large brown eyes, and a tear-streaked face. Connie longed to comfort him. Maybe we can adopt one more…
After a volunteer led the little boy away, Connie asked if she could visit Lexi, Mina, and Tanya. "You can, but you will have to wait," said the receptionist. "They already have visitors."
Connie's heart fell. Someone else here to adopt them…. Perhaps someone from Muldavia—they'll probably get priority just like with Nika!
She sat with Jason in the lobby. After about half an hour, Jason got up to ask about Hannah, Daniel, and Tatiana. Like last time, the receptionist would only say they'd gone to good foster homes. It only made sense they'd hide the children's location to protect them. But Connie wondered if they were really safe. The investigators were supposed to follow up with every child, but she hadn't heard anything yet….
A woman walked into the room. She looked familiar, her long wavy black hair streaked with gray. Behind her walked a young man and young woman—Stefan and Zara!
Jason leaped up to greet them. Connie joined them.
Jason embraced Marija and asked them how they were all holding up.
"We're…surviving," she said. She had dark circles under her eyes, as if she hadn't slept for days. Connie's heart went out to her. "I can't rest until I find Luna. I have to rest sometimes in order to keep going, but…." Her gaze trailed off.
"We found something else," said Stefan.
Zara nodded. "Someone we didn't even know we lost."
Marija's eyes brightened. "We were looking for Luna in Zelise. Because that's where… a lot of human trafficking is. We asked some of our people there; one mentioned my cousin, Tiara. I asked how she was—we hadn't heard from her in a while. Her friend said she'd died about a year ago. I knew she had a daughter, so I asked where she was. She said she'd disappeared. She'd tried to find her, but she only found out she'd been stolen the day after her mother died, when she was out on the street looking for help. We looked through all the orphanages for someone matching her description—and we finally found her! She's been through a lot. After we fill out some paperwork, we can bring her home."
"That's wonderful!" said Jason.
Marija nodded. "It won't dull the pain… but at least I can help my cousin's daughter."
"What's her name?"
"Alexandra. Lexi for short."
Connie's heart freefell.
My beautiful little daughter.
Not mine after all.