The doctor leaned over Connie, listening intently, a stethoscope in her ears. Strands of short dark hair fell past her temples.
"You have a strong heart," she said, smiling. She draped the stethoscope back around her neck.
"Thanks." I don't feel like it much these days… it's all I can do to keep moving… "Do you think… you could do an ultrasound?"
"It's a bit early to hear the baby's heart. It's usually done at twelve weeks. That way we can be sure to get a good reading."
She remembered getting an ultrasound of Jeremiah at eight weeks, just before—but she'd wanted to know and the doctor had obliged. This time the baby was "technically" eight weeks along but not really, because of…the timing.
"Is this your first pregnancy?"
"No. I just don't remember when we're supposed to get all the checkups." Because—we didn't get to most of them. I made an appointment for the twelve week checkup but—he was gone by then.
Her heart felt like it was freefalling. She struggled against the tears.
"We could try an ultrasound at this point—but I want to warn you, there's no guarantee we'd hear anything. I wouldn't want you to be alarmed. It all depends on when the actual conception happened. There's no way to know when it was exactly—could've been earlier, could've been later. In the latter case the baby wouldn't be developed enough to hear a heartbeat. But we can go ahead if you'd really like to. It can be hard to wait." She gave Connie a smile.
"I just want to know if my baby is healthy."
"Let's go ahead then." The doctor headed toward the door.
"Wait—I… it is probably too early." Her heart sank. She wanted to know. But she didn't want to do this if it was too early. The baby couldn't be more than four weeks along, five at the most.
Armeen sauntered back and sat in the chair at her desk. "Just so you're sure. I want to give you the best possible start."
Connie swept a strand of hair back. Her hand was trembling. She hadn't realized how much this would remind her of visiting the doctor when she was pregnant with Jeremiah. "I said it was eight weeks… but the baby probably isn't that old. It couldn't be."
Armeen's brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"
"Well…. It doesn't really make sense to count back to two months ago even though I know that's what you usually do. Because…." She hesitated. But this was a doctor; she dealt with this kind of thing all the time. "We didn't… you know. We…" She realized she didn't like speaking about this because it was all tangled up with—her loss, and with shutting Jason out, and all the guilt that came with it, back with a vengeance now that Jason was gone. How could she have left him. If she would've known how little time she had left with him…. "We… weren't… together. I um…" Tears pricked her eyes but she supposed she should tell the doctor everything in case she was staying in Muldavia for a while yet. "I had a miscarriage. Two months ago. No—three months ago now. I… kept myself from him." Her voice tightened.
"That happens a lot, actually. You don't have to feel ashamed."
"Well—we were back together by…the 9th I think." In the hotel in DC. The bittersweet beauty of it swept her away for a moment.
"So—perhaps we could count that as the beginning of the pregnancy." She made a note on her clipboard.
"I was taking birth control pills then, though."
"There is a small chance of pregnancy even then."
"It was more likely later… I forgot my pills in DC and then I got some more and started taking them again—but not long enough for them to kick in before—" Her face heated. At the same time, delightful reminiscence swept through her. He'd erased all guilt—they'd immersed in something wonderful. It could've been any time after that….
"So, your last period was July 17, right?"
Connie nodded.
"And you stopped taking the pills on the—"
"Tenth." The day they left for Muldavia.
"So you started taking birth control pills again—"
"August fifteenth." She remembered the day clearly. Sitting in the parking lot, scared to death of losing a baby. She was scared now but couldn't imagine not wanting to be pregnant.
"And you stopped taking them again—"
"August eighteenth. It's weird because I was overdue…. But I didn't notice because I was… doing other things, and then—" Her voice caught. A few days later he was gone and any other concerns vanished. Until she realized she might have a part of him with her… his parting gift…
"So it could've been the eighteenth. It might be more likely, since you weren't taking the pills then. Your period could've been late—sometimes it gets messed up after a miscarriage."
"Really?"
She nodded. "All that turmoil inside your body…. It's a traumatic event, not to be taken lightly. But since your last period was the 17th of July, and the first time you were with him since the loss was August 9th, even if you were taking birth control, there's a slight chance. So we'll still count from the 9th. If that's okay."
Connie nodded, her throat tight.
"Either way, your little one beat the odds. You had that small window of time, and he or she grabbed that chance to live. Your next period could've happened the next day—but instead, a little life emerged. He or she is an amazing little person already."
Tears stung Connie's eyes. "They are." She sniffed. "I want to—do all I can to keep them safe."
"That's only natural." She looked at Connie sympathetically.
"What about—what happened? My doctor in the States said I was fine but—am I fine? What if the baby—what if I—" Her chest tightened, and it felt like she couldn't breathe. "What if I—lose him." She gasped a shaky breath.
"We're going to do all we can to make sure that doesn't happen. Let's finish the exam, but so far, you seem the picture of perfect health." She gave Connie a reassuring smile.
She drew some blood, then took her blood pressure.
"Hm," said Armeen, elbow on her desk.
Connie's heart thumped hard. "What is it?"
"Your blood pressure is a little high."
"It is?" Alarm shot through her. "What is it?"
"One-thirty over eighty. Just on the verge of high. If the cause is stress, we could prescribe you an anti-anxiety medication—"
"I don't know if that'll work." Her heart felt like it was freezing. "I mean—" Her vision wavered as if she were on the edge of a high tower. The room faded. "I um… I don't know if you heard on the news… Jason Whittaker…" Her heart thrashed. He should be here—she should be able to conjure him with his name.
He should be by her side as she got checkups for the baby.
Instead—
Nightmares flashed before her eyes, as real as if she were standing at a window, and he was being tortured in another room, and the glass was one way visual and soundproof so he couldn't hear her screaming for him—
"Connie—" came a distant voice. "Breathe." She leaned down over her knees. The vertigo faded a little. She took a breath. Then another. The world came back into shape.
I can't let this happen… have to be careful… my baby… Jason's little one…
She leaned her head in her arm, taking deep breaths, until she felt she could sit up again.
"I'm sorry," said Armeen, sorrow in her dark eyes. "I didn't know."
"Not your fault."
"I should've put two and two together—your name—"
"I should've told you… but I couldn't…"
"It's good to know this going forward. It'll be hard to avoid stress… but I can give you some techniques. And the anti-anxiety medicine if you want."
"Will it hurt the baby?"
"Not the ones I'd prescribe."
"Okay," she said in a small voice.
"They can't take away the source. But it will help you be able be calmer, give you more moments you can relax, which will be better for the baby."
"Thank you."
"I'll also prescribe you some prenatal vitamins. If you like, we can make an appointment for the ultrasound in seven weeks. You might not be here by then, but you'll have it scheduled for your peace of mind."
"Um… sure."
"At twelve weeks, we'll find out your due date, we'll find out the gender if you want, and we'll see if there's more than one baby."
"More than one?" Her head spun, some of the vertigo returning.
"Don't worry, it's unlikely. It's essential to find out as early as you can, though."
"It'd be riskier, right?"
"Yes. But it doesn't have to alarm you. If it's multiples, it's usually twins, and twins are usually delivered with no problem. A C-section is safer in that case."
"Okay." She couldn't wrap her mind around the possibility of more babies… and right now she supposed she didn't have to. There was no way to know yet.
"At twenty weeks, they'll check for health issues. I doubt you'll be here by then." She squeezed Connie's arm comfortingly.
"I hope so." Her voice was hoarse.
"In the meantime, take your vitamins, eat healthily—you know the foods to avoid right?"
Connie nodded. "I've been through this before." Her heart ached with the echoes of pain.
"With the added stress, try to have a lot of rest. You're entitled to it. Don't worry if you can't get as much as you want either—it'll probably not affect the baby if everything else is going well. Don't forget to get some light physical activity. At this point it's healthier to get a normal amount of exercise, since there are no sign of any problems."
"My…history?"
"Looking at your file, it probably won't affect things. You weren't damaged internally, so there's no reason to worry unduly about it. I know it's hard not to worry…. Just keep up with my recommendations and let me know if there are any irregularities, alright?"
Connie nodded, feeling a little better. "Thank you. I'm glad you're my doctor."
She smiled, brown eyes alight. "I'm glad I am too. I'll make sure to give you and your baby the best care for as long as you're here."
Armeen helped her up and to the door.
"I think I can make it back," said Connie.
"I'll be praying for you—and your husband's safe return."
"Thank you." The world blurred again and she unsteadily made her way to the checkout. Mumbled her way through it then ambled to the waiting room.
Whit rose when he saw her. "Connie!" He held helped her to a mauve chair beside him. "How'd it go?"
"Fine." She wiped her eyes.
"Is everything okay?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I'm just… you know. After the m-mis….. And—J—Jason—" Fresh tears spilled from her eyes, and she collapsed onto Whit's shoulder and he held her as sobs shook her. Pain ripped through her heart; she tried to suppress it. Didn't want to make a scene.
"It'll be okay," he said, rubbing her back. "We'll find him."
"We are getting closer." She sat up, not bothering to wipe her tears in case they started falling again.
"After Chayana found more records—we have so much more to work with. We might get enough clues to find Yavesh's base."
"I hope it's not very far away. Jason could be anywhere—"
"With everyone focused on it now, we'll get a lot more clues. I can only pray they turn into something soon."
They headed down the elevator and out into the parking lot. It was a dreary, windy day and the wind blew her hair around her face, making her hair stick to her tears.
On the way back, Connie told him about the checkup, treading carefully so she wouldn't start crying again. His joy was infectious and helped her remember her initial joy before it had been clouded with worry.
It'll be okay, she told herself.
Even if she didn't quite believe it, she had to. For her baby's sake.
Whit treated her to a restaurant for lunch and for a while she forgot—not quite forgot but put to the back of her mind. And she immersed in a beautiful future, a fantasy that may never come true—but for a little while, she wanted to exist in a reality that wasn't trying to crush her.
The illusion began to melt when she started thinking of baby names, and realized she didn't want to think of names at all yet. She had to wait for Jason.
What name had he mentioned—Jessica. He'd mentioned what the baby might look like, too. There was no way he could know—but she decided to think of the baby that way. Like in her dream. A beautiful little girl with fiery red hair….
She wasn't going to rule out a sweet little boy, either. I'll just call them 'them' until I find out… I have to focus on their health first and foremost, anyway. What the baby looks like doesn't matter. I'll love them no matter what.
On the way back, she resolved to do as well as she possibly could for her little one. Reduce stress… anything I can control, anyway. Read up on all I can.
She longed to help the investigation but it had progressed into the danger zone again. And now that she was pregnant, she had to be extra careful.
It's best to leave it to the professionals anyway. I wish I could actually help find him…. but if I did something and lost our baby….
Being a mom is my main job now. I can do some things to investigate, just not too stressful or dangerous.
Back at the palace, the maid, Krista, who had recently been upgraded to nanny, had left a note in the kitchen with some leftovers. She'd taken the triplets out to a movie, a princess one they'd been begging to see.
A pang struck Connie's heart—unfairly, it felt like Krista was replacing her. But the girls couldn't very well be left alone when she was out. And Roderick was usually down at the government buildings, and Darya was involved with creating the new human trafficking task force. Not the official one that the parliament was voting on, but the semi-secret one which had borderline legal powers.
James was absent as usual…. That Connie felt she was justified in being angry about. He wasn't helping or doing anything but moping around. She knew he felt awful after Luna left him, but he couldn't exactly be entitled to her presence, especially after what she'd been through. It wasn't as if she was still enslaved.
He had new little sisters. He should be spending time with them, getting to know them. Instead he was acting like a spoiled little prince, not the king he had been intended to be.
But I do know what love is, she thought as she headed to her room. How it can make you crazy.
She flopped down onto her bed. If not for her baby, she might have collapsed again, since she was barely in a background role anymore. The leads she'd tried to follow in Konterr, speaking to Livi and Sari, speaking to Hannah's foster parents, had been dead ends. Little Eva's mother hadn't wanted to talk with her at all. The official agencies' investigations—of the NSA, Muldavian National Security, Muldavian Security Service— were in full swing now; they didn't need her. And why would they. She wasn't an agent. Her success in any of this had been marginal at best. The more unofficial agents were going undercover, even Whit. She would need to find some other way to help, to at least feel like she was doing something. She couldn't live with herself if she didn't do all she could—which was limited. But if there was a small chance she could find a puzzle piece that helped everyone see the larger picture….
She flipped onto her side and brought up images of Jason. They made her cry, but eventually they merged into a beautiful present that had never happened, but she wanted it so much that it felt real and she walked with him into the dream.
She jolted awake. Her phone was vibrating.
"Hello?" she said.
"Hi," said Ana. "How are you?"
"Okay. Just had a checkup for my baby."
"You're pregnant?"
She realized she hadn't told her; half-asleep, she hadn't been thinking. "Yeah."
"I guess you said you might be last time—but you found out? This is amazing!"
Light glowed through Connie's heart. "I still… it's still hard to believe it myself. With everything that's happened, it's hard to know what to feel."
"How is the baby?"
"Too early to tell. The doctor doesn't see any problems—except I'm a bit stressed."
"That's…understandable. I um… maybe I shouldn't ask, then—"
"Go ahead."
"It's just that—I was going to go to see Nika and Natasha, but my ride fell through and now—"
"I can take you!"
"Are you sure? I know you mentioned it but that was before—"
"Actually it'll be a nice break. I…need something to focus on. And it'll be wonderful to see you and see how Nika and Natasha and Dima are doing at the farm."
"Thank you!"
"Don't mention it."
"I was just wondering… I'm not sure because I haven't called yet… but I was wondering if you could pick up Viktor too?"
"He's doing better?"
"I'm not sure. Now that his sister's working and Amber's out a lot, he's alone all the time. He's afraid to go out but… I know what it's like. You can't shut yourself in all the time. It'll do him good to see Natasha and the baby. It might be too early and I don't want to push him… but I want him to be happy. I was going to try to convince him before, then Sofia had to take Dahlia to the hospital—"
"Is she okay?"
"She was…self-harming. Sofia said she'll be okay, but she can't afford to leave Dahl's side now."
"I definitely can pick up Viktor if he wants to come."
"Thank you, Connie!"
They agreed to meet in about an hour then she hung up and went out to find Whit. He was in the living room reading a book; he looked up as she approached. She was struck by how his slightly shorter hair revealed the missing top of his right ear. In prepping for his mafia role, he'd had it cut like that to make him look tougher. Soon he'd be leaving and completing his transformation. He already had the beginnings of a shadowy beard, and she'd seen him practicing his voice and manner. It was a bit shocking; she could now actually imagine him as a crime lord. And she glimpsed part of him she rarely ever had seen—his agent self. How good he was at that role, despite his current misgivings.
He was going to an Austrian town; he wouldn't even be in the same country anymore. She wouldn't know what town it was for security reasons. She tried to ignore the desolation she already felt. He'd be going into danger; she couldn't stand the thought of it. Didn't know how she'd be able to deal with it. But at the same time—hope filled her that he'd be able to find something. His determination to find his son might bridge the gap between his perceived rustiness and doing what was necessary to find Jason.
"How was your nap?" he asked.
"Pretty good. I got a call from Ana—I'm going to take her to see her friends in the country. Do you want to come?"
He shook his head. "I'll probably be gone when you get back."
Her stomach lurched. "You're leaving already?"
He nodded. "I've done all the prep I can here. The rest will be at the—secret location."
"I… I'm just realizing you're actually leaving." She sank down into the couch beside him.
"I wish it didn't mean I had to leave you."
"If it means you might find him—nothing else matters."
He wrapped his arm around her. "I'm going to do everything I can. As long as it isn't actually embracing the darkness I'll appear to be. At the very least—I hope I'll be able to rescue some trafficked people."
"Like Monisha."
He nodded. "Hopefully next time I see you, Jason will be with me."
"That would be wonderful."
He squeezed her shoulder. "I hate leaving you just when you found out you're having a baby…. Now there's hardly anyone around, too…."
"I'll be okay. The kids are usually here. And I'll keep myself busy."
"I'll be with you in spirit."
"Me too." She leaned her forehead against his and hugged him tightly, wishing in a way she could go with him, be his secretary like they'd mentioned. But all the ops were better off compartmentalized. It had been hard enough convincing the NSA to let a former agent go undercover. The NSA was overseeing every op now, although the Muldavian agencies mostly had autonomy.
Whit prayed with her and then after a final hug, tears stinging her eyes, she headed to the women's shelter; she didn't want to leave Ana waiting.
When she picked up Ana, Ana told her that Viktor had decided to come, so Connie headed to Amber's house. It was a beautiful modern house at the outskirts of Rakima with a large fenced in yard.
Ana rang the doorbell. There was no answer.
"He's okay, right?" said Ana, turning to Connie with a worried expression.
"He probably doesn't know who we are. Maybe we better text him."
Ana took her phone from her back pocket and texted Viktor. They waited a few minutes, then Connie noticed some movement in the house. A cautious figure approached. Then the door slowly opened and Viktor peered out.
"Hi," he said shakily.
"Are you okay?" said Ana. "Do you still want to do this?"
Viktor hesitated, then nodded. "I…can't stay in the house all the time. Besides, I don't know what I'll do now that Adela is gone all day." He gave a short laugh. "I'm too old for a babysitter. So…. At least today… this seems like a good solution. I really want to see how Natasha is doing."
"Me too," said Ana.
"I just hope… I don't make it hard for you. If it gets too much for me… Maybe I better not risk it. I haven't even stepped out the door since I got here."
"Have you gone out in the yard?" Connie asked.
"I—couldn't bring myself to."
"It is a big step."
"It might help you take that step," said Ana. "At least this way, you're with people you know won't hurt you. And Natasha and Nika's foster family won't either. There aren't even many people at all out in the country."
"That's why I think I can go. It's just in the car… then at their farm…. It's the city where…." His breath caught. "Too many people," he said in a small voice. "At least we're at the edge of town here and not in that apartment where I could hardly breathe. And I'm so happy for Del."
"I'm saving up for a car. When I get one…maybe I can visit you more often."
"I would like that. I mean… maybe you shouldn't …."
"Maybe I can bring someone else along."
"I'll…try to be okay with that." He darted back in; in a moment he came back out and they headed into the country. Ana sat beside Connie while Viktor sat in the back. He looked around nervously at first but then he seemed to feel better as he chatted with Ana. Connie told them about the case, what she could anyway.
"I wish I could help more," said Ana. "After the hotel… I just couldn't. Being in the field… it's too much. It might always be too much." Sorrow crossed her face.
"I can't even imagine doing anything like that," said Viktor. "You were brave to try."
"Just going to my job a few blocks away…. I still get mild panic attacks sometimes."
"It's amazing how far you've come," said Connie.
"I want to help Jason but…. It's still too soon for me.. Sometimes I can forget a little…"
"I wish I could forget…" said Viktor. "I… can't bear sleeping in a bed, or even looking at one. I can't take a shower. I can't…see myself without clothes— it's just…" He swallowed hard and looked away, out at the rolling hills.
"I had that," said Ana softly. "For like six months I could hardly do anything. I'd never have been able to go this far then. You're so brave."
"I don't feel brave," said Viktor. "I think I'm going to be sick."
"Do you need me to pull over?" said Connie. But the moment she glanced back at him, his face told her everything so she stopped the car in time for him to jump out and lean over the ditch.
He sat down by the back of the car, hunched over, taking hard breaths. Ana crouched carefully beside him as the wind blew through the grass across the field. Connie sat down against the hood, not wanting to intrude.
She drew her phone from her pocket to look at it then jumped as it buzzed in her hand. It was a number she didn't recognize, but it could be news about Jason. She always picked up the phone now, even though it was a telemarketer half the time.
"Hello?" she said.
"H-hi," said a quiet young voice. At first she couldn't place it. Then she realized.
"David?"
"I—I'm sorry I didn't call before and I'm sorry I ran away last time. I just…"
"That's okay."
"It was stupid. Maybe you could've helped but I was afraid and now—"
"What's happened?"
A deep breath. "It's…" His voice faltered. "Esther."
"Who's Esther?"
"My best friend. But now she's gone."
"What happened?"
"They say she ran away. But she wouldn't run away. I think…" His voice fell to a whisper. "They took her."
"Yavesh?"
"Yeah." He drew in a shaky breath. "I hope not but I don't know why she'd leave. We were having so much fun and—" A quiet sob shook his voice.
"Maybe I can come over and I can look around and see if I can find something?"
"Really?"
"I'm not that far away right now. Maybe I can even come over this afternoon."
"Really?"
"I want to help you. Jason…would too."
"Thank you," he said breathlessly, and then the phone went silent.
Connie sauntered over to Ana and Viktor. "How are you feeling?" she asked.
"A little better."
"I have some medicine for carsickness in my purse. I…know it's not that, but maybe it'll help."
Viktor nodded, looking rather sheepish.
"If you're not feeling up to this, we can go back."
"I—I said I'd do this. I'll make myself do it."
"You don't have to."
"I can't just stay in the house all the time. Ana's right—I have to step outside eventually. This is a lot, but I don't want to let fear stop me from going to see Natasha. We went through the same things, and she's doing so well, and I'm—such a burden—"
"You're not a burden. It'll take a long time to recover. It's their fault, not yours."
"I don't want to let them affect me! I don't want to think about them at all—I don't want them to stop me from doing things—" His breath caught. Ana wrapped her arm around him and he huddled down, taking deep breaths.
Now might not be the time to go to see David… I won't be able to do much anyway. Just relay information to someone who can do something. We're so close… it's something I can do… I wanted to see him. But I can go later. I'll ask just in case though.
Ana helped Viktor into the back seat and climbed in beside him.
Connie dug in her purse for the medicine and handed it back to Viktor then started up the car. In that moment she decided. "I'm going to drop you off instead of staying. I'll come back and pick you up later—I hope you don't mind."
"Someone called?" said Ana.
"David. He was trafficked like a couple months ago. He lives at a teen center not too far away from here, and he said that his friend is missing. I—can't leave him like that if I can help it. If I can get there soon—I have to."
"Oh," said Ana, her blue eyes shadowed. "Yes— I don't want to keep you from helping him."
"Maybe…we should go too," said Viktor, his voice soft but determined. "He might know something that's… like what happened to us, and we can help."
"If you hear things that happened…" said Ana. "It might be….too much."
"If anything good can come of this at all, I want to do it. I might not be able to… but if there's a chance I can do anything to help bring them down—" His jaw was set. He looked into the rear view mirror fiercely.
Connie was struck by his determination. "If that's what you would like to do… We can call the Jankowsky's and tell them we'll be late."
"I'll call," said Ana. "First I'll text Nika. It won't be suppertime for a couple hours anyway."
Turning down the next road was familiar, and it hit her that last time she'd been here, she'd been with Jason. Now, her baby was with her, but Jason was gone. She didn't know where he was, but she knew he was with evil people who were probably doing horrific things to him—unless her best hopes were true and they were just stashing him for later exchange…or maybe for blackmail, threats they wouldn't carry out…. Even then, she knew how horrible he felt when he was trapped, how much it reminded him of his former imprisonment and torture….
Tears spilled from her eyes, blurring the road. Thankfully she had the presence of mind to realize that could be dangerous and ripped herself away from thoughts of Jason to the only thing that could distract her—beautiful hopes for her baby.
Even then… worry dragged at her.
Dear God, please help me.
Help my baby be okay.
And Jason—
Tears threatened again and she almost missed the turn. She swerved just in time; thankfully this was a back road without much traffic.
Filled with desperate anticipation, she drove slowly down the gravel driveway and the dogs met them, barking. The German shepherd, hound, and black lab leaped excitedly around the car.
A few kids were playing soccer in the yard. Some of them stared at them as they approached. She parked the car at the edge of the round gravel driveway.
Some of the kids walked closer, peering into the windows. A girl with long black hair and a boy with spiky blond hair stopped at the edge of the driveway, looking curious, wary.
A few moments later, the door of the house opened and a woman with short dark hair stepped out—Tina, who ran the farm with her husband. She looked rather bewildered.
Connie wondered if David had told her she was coming. She hadn't thought of asking since she assumed David had.
"Maybe I better make sure we're not intruding," said Connie. She rolled down her window as Tina came up, shushing the dogs. The German Shepherd trotted up to the window, sniffing, while the lab pounced joyfully on the hound, who waggled away onto the lawn.
"Korzha, off," said Tina, and the shepherd trotted around the back of the car to peer into the window on the other side.
"It's nice to see you again!" said Tina. "What brings you here?"
"Well—" said Connie. "David must not have told you."
"David called?"
She nodded. "I assumed…."
Tina slid her hand into her hair. "I did tell him he should call if he needed to tell you something…." Immense sorrow shaded her eyes. "One of the kids is missing. She was such a good friend to David. And she just got here earlier this month. David was doing better since we built the room in the barn loft for him, but Esther was… just hiding out in her room and David was the only person she'd speak to. But even that was amazing after what she's been through. Now…" She looked around, her face full of anguish. "Such a sweet girl …. Lost in the woods, on the streets, or worse…. I'm glad he called you." She glanced in the back. "You've brought others? Isn't Jason—?"
A sword cut Connie's heart. "He—he was taken."
"I—Connie, I'm sorry. I didn't know. We're a bit isolated out here…"
"David didn't tell you?"
"He's still really reserved with us."
"Are police looking for her?"
"We had them out this morning when we found out she was gone. They looked around, said something about runaways, then left. I hope they're taking this seriously…. Gives me peace of mind to know you're here."
"I probably can't do much myself."
"You found David last time."
"Jason was here then."
"The way he talks about you—you did help him." Her eyes shone earnestly into Connie's.
Connie's heart lurched at the fact that maybe she made a difference after all….
"I was actually on the way here already," Connie said. "Taking these guys to visit some friends. I'll be able to bring what David tells me to the agents, and they'll do the rest. Everyone is focusing on human trafficking now. Even the NSA is on the case."
"I'm glad it's a focus… it might be too late for us, though."
"Why?"
"We might get shut down. Ali was funding us. The government took over, but they're investigating us. We'd never hurt kids. But I'm devastated that we were in any way connected with him… I don't know what it means… and now someone's missing. We've had a few runaways over the years…. And they were never found…. We hoped, but the police often dropped the case not long after…. They acted like they were kids not worth anything… while we know how precious they are…" Her voice faltered.
Connie slid out of the car and offered her hand. Tina took it, eyes gleaming, and Connie wrapped her in a gentle hug.
Something struck her. Something familiar.
When she'd been in Konterr, speaking to Hannah's foster parents…. What she'd learned about the other foster homes … How both Hannah and Tatiana were listed as runaways. But maybe it was part of a pattern…
Jason did say to trust my intuition…. I do have that in common with spies… Don't discount anything at this point.
The other disappearances made her feel sick. She especially thought of Hannah, who she'd felt a connection to, the little girl who helped the little kids—the ones trafficked by Leon…. Who was now dead…
Killed in prison. Before he could tell anything. Or perhaps punishment for being caught. Or both….
Ana and Viktor emerged cautiously.
"If you'd like," said Tina, "you can play soccer with the other kids."
Viktor shrank back, looking terrified at the prospect.
"That might be too much for him right now," said Connie. "He was just rescued."
"Oh. Let me know if there's anything you need. I'm peeling potatoes for supper, but if you'd like a snack…."
"Thank you," said Ana. "Maybe not right now." She glanced at Viktor. "We need… space."
Tina nodded empathetically. "We have lots of space here. You can go look at the animals if you like. But you'd better not go into the pasture by yourselves. Zeb's out in the barn, he can show you around. David is out there too." She looked at Connie. "There's a ladder that leads up to the loft. There are two rooms. The other one… was Esther's actually."
Connie headed to the barn, Ana and Viktor following her. Déjà vu hit her as she saw the white painted fence running from the edge of the barn around the large field. Horses looked up as she approached, including a familiar one—the gray horse she'd ridden out to find David. Almost a month ago now.
Exactly a month ago.
Her heart plummeted. She leaned against the fence. A blur of black danced in front of her. Viola—David's horse. She snorted dramatically, her mane flying in the wind. Beside her flowed a black shadow. A foal.
That was strange; she hadn't had a foal last time. And this one was probably five months old. It had a wary light in its eyes and there was a startling patch of skin without fur on its face, and its nose looked slightly dented…
A pang struck her. The foal must've had a halter on its face— while it had been growing.
She recalled a lot of the animals here had been abused before being rescued. So much pain….
Fighting tears, she headed into the barn, which overwhelmed her with the smell of hay and leather. Stalls lined this end of the barn, some occupied, some not. A man crouched at the end of the hallway, hammering a board onto a stall.
He looked up, startled. "Oh, hi." He stood, holding the hammer.
She introduced Viktor and Ana, who hung back in the shadows.
"You are here to see David?"
Connie nodded.
"He called you about Esther?"
"Yeah."
"They were so close…." His eyes burned with sorrow. "She's all alone out there. I went to look for her but I didn't even find any footprints."
"Do you think… someone could've taken her?"
"Maybe. I know she felt safe here. She loved Bramble. She wouldn't have left her."
"Is that—the new foal?"
Zeb nodded. "We got her last month. She was hurt. They—didn't change her halter when she grew. And they hit her. She was so scared when she came here. We had to help her, but we couldn't get near her, then she attached to Viola like a mama. And then Bramble got close to David. Then Esther came and she has a way with horses. She never was by horses before but she is like David that way. David couldn't pet the foal yet but Esther could. And then she helped him get closer to her and they were…like a little family. They only trusted each other, but it was enough. We were happy. Now…" He turned away, his shoulders sagging.
"I—I'm so sorry." Sorrow dragged at her, an almost unbearable weight.
"I am afraid David might go after her." He looked back at her, tears shining in his eyes.
"I will try to help. I can't do as much as Jason but—" She couldn't explain about his loss again, even as Zeb looked at her questioningly.
"You can go up," said Zeb, pointing to the ladder along the middle of the wall. "Be careful. Not all go in his room yet. Just one at a time unless he says so."
"Should they… stay down here?" She didn't want to leave them with a man they didn't know.
"It is okay either way," said Zeb.
Connie climbed the ladder, and Ana and Viktor followed cautiously, Ana holding Viktor's arm tightly.
At the top, there was a hallway in the middle and two doors on each side. The walls were bare planks and it smelled like sawdust. Exposed wires ran along the edge of the floor.
"Are you guys okay staying out here?" she asked.
"I don't want to scare him," said Viktor solemnly.
Connie knocked on the door on the left, the one with a paper sign that read "David" in block letters colored blue.
"Who is it?" he said in a startled voice.
"It's me. Connie."
"Oh!" The sound of footsteps clomped closer. Then the door opened.
He looked like he'd grown. A little taller, his face more grown-up. There was immense suffering in his large brown eyes, but also more determination and less fear. He ran his hand through his dark curls. "Hi," he said.
"How are you doing?" she asked softly.
He shrugged. "I was just looking online." He gestured to the computer on his bed in the middle of the room. There was a desk along the left wall which was piled with books and pieces of paper. There was a dresser in the back of the room, some stuffed animals along the walls and a table and chairs and a couch and coffee table to the right. None of the things was by a window.
He picked up his laptop and slid it on the table. He sat down on the chair in front of it and Connie cautiously sat down opposite him.
"Her parents were the ones that sold her before. I think they might've taken her back. They sold her online again and again." He looked at her, eyes blazing with anger. She almost flinched at the sharpness of it, but she couldn't blame him. It burned in her heart too. "I'm looking at their Facebook pages to see if they posted anything. They got arrested, but the case is still going, so they have some freedom. The woman got out—her bail wasn't very high because they couldn't prove anything but false imprisonment. Esther told me she was the worst, but Es couldn't testify, so the case wasn't very strong. I couldn't blame her. What they did to her…." He trembled, his eyes burning with hatred. "It was…even worse than what they did to me," he said, voice soft, faltering. He huddled down, looking as small and vulnerable as when she'd found him. The scars on his face had faded a little, but she knew there were a lot more scars beneath his oversized blue sweatshirt.
"Where do they live?"
"In Movitz. It's a small town. They got away with it for years. Now they're in Rakima. The court ordered them not to leave. But they might've…. I mean, the woman, Liksha. She might've come here in the middle of the night and—" He closed his eyes.
"Zeb said there were no footprints."
"Esther couldn't have just vanished. It's almost always muddy by the barn, and the only way to get here from the other side is through the pasture. In the front there's a big bright light. There's an alarm system, too."
"Is Liksha smart enough to get past something like that?"
"Maybe. She's cunning but not that smart. Like my…dad." The last word was barely a whisper.
"Could she have had help?"
"Maybe she hired someone. They had a lot of money from selling Esther." Disgust crossed his face. "But they used a lot of it on bail and lawyers…. That's why they might get out of it. Es didn't want to know about it, but she sometimes asked me to look up the case— she was so scared they might come and get her." He sighed. "At least I don't have to worry about my dad coming to get me… and—they—haven't come looking for me so I…felt a little better. But now…. I have to not let myself get scared so I can find her."
"You—wouldn't go looking for her yourself?"
"I did. I went out in the woods. I told her about my hideout and we…went there sometimes."
"You did?"
"I know it's dangerous but we needed a refuge. Sometimes the horses weren't even enough and she was going out of her mind…" His brow creased, lines of agony on his face making him look years older.
"You helped her. You made her feel safe."
He looked at her, eyes shining. "I was right here and they took her and I didn't hear anything—I was still scared. I have to have my sleep sounds on or I can't sleep. And—" Guilt pierced his eyes. "She asked if I could go sleep with her… I mean—you know, in her bed—and I said no because…. It wouldn't look right, they'd find out…. But it was really because… of what they made me do. I can't sleep in bed with another person and I have to have things just right or—" He shivered, hunching down, tears spilling from his eyes. He looked ashamed at the same time.
"Hey." She reached out for him, letting him know she was there if he needed it.
He grasped her hand and slid his chair closer, and she gently wrapped her arm around him, and he pressed down against her shoulder and cried.
Aside from quiet sniffles she wouldn't have known he was crying except her shirt was getting wet, and he shook with silent sobs. It broke her heart to realize that he'd probably learned to cry quietly. Perhaps couldn't unlearn it. She wanted him to let out all his feelings without reservation; she yearned to help him beyond giving him comfort that wouldn't last.
Esther torn away… into slavery again… it was a thing that should not be.
Evil done to children…. Crushing their souls, causing them unbearable pain that lasted years and years—
I have to do something. Everything. Anything.
She dug deep, trying to figure out what she should do next. What would Jason do.
It was the same dilemma…. She didn't really have the abilities that Jason had.
What do I have?
Dear God, please give me the answer… I have to help, but I don't know how!
Maybe I need to bring in someone else….
Something prickled at the back of her mind, but she couldn't quite pry it loose…
David sat back and fiddled with his computer, his face flushed, curls in disarray. He stared at the screen; it glowed on his face and she wasn't sure if he was seeing it or not.
"I brought someone with," she said quietly. "It's okay if you don't want to see them, but maybe they can help. Maybe there's something they've seen—something that sparks a connection."
"Who?" He looked rather alarmed.
"They were trafficked too."
"Are they men?"
"Well… one is. He was just rescued."
"I know he wouldn't hurt me but I don't know. You know?"
She nodded. "I can just bring Ana in."
"'Kay."
Connie peeked out to see Ana leaning against the wall and Viktor sitting on the floor. "You can come in if you like, Ana."
"Really? What about Viktor?"
"It… might be too much for David."
Ana squeezed Viktor's hand and he looked forlorn as she left him, vulnerable, like he'd looked in the hotel when Jason had carried him out of the bathroom, his arms slashed and bloody.
Ana approached carefully and introduced herself. She meandered over to the desk and picked up one of the papers on it. "This is amazing!" she said.
It was a horse in pencil, drawn in marvelous detail. He apparently shared the eye for art that Ana had.
Ana sat at the table and David poured out everything he knew about the case. Connie realized it might be good to write things down and David gave them both a pencil and paper. She wrote down the suspects – Esther's parents, someone they might've hired, perhaps someone totally unconnected.
The other foster homes. Perhaps it was just a coincidence they were also 'runaways'. Or could there be a connection to this somehow? Could Yavesh be taking them? If Yavesh controlled the foster homes as well as this place and the orphanage, why would they go to all that trouble when they could just snatch them off the street? She doubted Tina and Zeb were deliberately funneling kids out. Tina did mention others had run away over the years…. Ali had funded this place and the orphanage. What if there was a larger network…? Unwitting (or witting) foster homes collecting kids and… what?
What Sierra had said—follow the money.
Auctions. Or…. something less formal.
Kids that people wanted… what Jason had said about the auction of kids—
They wanted unique.
What Jason had said last time driving away from this farm—
They wanted exotic.
Like David. He was Jewish. He was scarred.
"What race is Esther?" she asked.
David looked taken aback. "Um, well… she's Jewish. Like me." Shame crossed his eyes and he tugged his sleeves down a little further. "What's that got to do with anything?"
"It could…. It could mean…. What they want." She hated speaking of this.
David looked sick. "That's… what they did to me. I mean—that's why they hurt me, because…they hated what I am…."
"It might be that, or someone who…likes…" She couldn't finish the sentence.
"And they're doing that to Esther…." He leaned over, head buried in his arms.
"So—why would they filter kids through orphanages and foster homes?" Connie posed her question.
"It gathers them all in one place," said Ana. "They pick out specific ones…"
"'Then what?"
"People pay for them."
"What would be worth the effort is—the traffickers get a lot of money. Who has that money?"
"Rich people."
"Where are they?"
"All over. I mean the richest people there are…."
"They might pay a lot. Maybe even more than those other auctions…. They might be even more secret…"
"This could be the tip of the iceberg."
Connie nodded. "We don't have proof. It's just… a possibility."
"It might be worth following," said Ana. "Little connections, Amber said, can lead to big ones. They're usually little at first—especially when there's something really big, really secret."
"Yavesh is that. And the elite don't want us to find it…. It'd ruin their careers." Hatred spilled through her. Hiding behind their money and power to abuse kids. There was nothing more disturbing. And with impunity, they probably thought they could do anything…. Take as many kids as they wanted and hurt them as much as they wanted…. even…kill them…. The buyers at the teen auction had hinted as much.
The evil man who had bought Viktor. Implied he'd use him and then…discard him…
That man had been caught, but there were more out there… not just in Muldavia but all over the world….
And I'm just me. Alone here, without Jason… Whit undercover… She felt vulnerable, exposed, the feeling enhanced by her pregnancy, needing to protect her little one at all costs.
David sat upright. "Esther… did say that they sold her to nobility sometimes. They paid the most."
"Do you know who they were?" Connie asked.
He shook his head. "She…tried to block it all out…"
"Viktor was sold to nobility," said Ana.
"Maybe we should speak to him," said Connie. She looked at David. "If—"
A knock on the door. "Please—can I come in?" said Viktor desperately.
"Okay," said David.
Viktor darted inside, pressed flat against the wall. "I—thought I heard something."
"Really?" said David, standing, looking alarmed.
Viktor looked toward the door, his body tense. Then he took a sharp breath. "I—I'm sorry. I think it was just… maybe the wind or something. It's like this at home too." He sank to his knees.
David sidled over to him. "I thought they'd come for me, too. When did they rescue you?"
"A—a couple weeks ago." Viktor ran his hand through his golden curls.
David leaned against the wall then slid down beside Viktor. "I was scared to death til…" He looked at Connie. "Connie found me."
"She rescued you?"
"Well, I was just out in my refuge but everyone was worried about me. I learned that people would actually look for me, protect me, and care about me. And then they built this nice place, and it almost feels like a fortress… I mean it did, until…."
It struck Connie's heart. "Who built this?"
"Zeb did. Well—he had some people out to build it."
"What if…?"
"Oh. OH!" he leaned up as if the wall had shocked him. "They did something to it—" Horror crossed his face.
"We don't know that yet. But it's worth checking out."
"I can't stay here—" He raced to the side of the room and picked up his stuffed animals.
"Wait!" Maybe she shouldn't have said that. "I don't want you to feel unsafe!"
"They took her from here. They installed the security system."
"And it…didn't alert anyone. Maybe…" She looked up, déjà vu hitting her at the possibility of a hidden camera.
She didn't see one but that didn't mean they weren't there.
Perhaps they were in other places too….
She hated the fact he wouldn't feel safe here, but his safety mattered most. She wished she could do something to help him feel better….
"Hey," she said. "I could get some agents over here."
He stopped in his tracks, a stuffed panda in his arm. "Really?"
"I'll call right now." She stepped over to the window and called the NSA.
To her relief, they agreed to send over some agents. She'd done her best to convince them and thankfully they'd seen what she'd seen: possible connections.
Maybe I do have a fragment of what it takes to be an agent, she thought, adoring the idea she could have something in common with Jason. Despite what she knew was the reality—she could never be a fraction of what he was.
David didn't feel safe in the barn anymore, even though the agents were coming. To her chagrin she realized they'd probably scare the other kids, too. But there were worse things.
Out in the pasture, David introduced Viktor and Ana to Viola and her adopted foal. Vi pranced and snorted at first but then calmed down when David gave them each a piece of carrot to give her. Bramble hung back, looking longingly at the carrots but too scared to come closer.
Ana approached Bramble, her hand held out, but the foal dashed away, her tail held high, her eyes wild.
"It is a lot of people at once," said David. "It's usually just me and…" His voice caught.
Viktor walked out into the pasture slowly, the foal facing him, her head high, nostrils flared. He crouched down, holding out his hand.
Bramble stepped toward him cautiously. She stopped, snorting; he knelt, lowering himself further, not looking at her.
The foal crept up to about a foot away, sniffed the carrot, then snatched it and dashed away, floofy black tail blowing in the wind.
Viktor didn't move; Bramble stopped and looked back at him, dark eyes startled yet curious. She crunched the carrot and sauntered away.
"Wow," said David. "It's like with Esther."
Ana patted Vi's neck, ran her hand down her glossy black coat. Vi turned toward her and snuffled into her copper-gold hair. Ana laughed and leaned lightly against her, her arm slung over her withers.
"Vi really doesn't take to people like this either," said David.
Connie pet Vi's nose lightly but she tossed her head and sidestepped. "I guess I'm not one of her people."
"I know you're nice, and she will eventually." He set one hand on his hip, looking at Viktor and Ana and the horses, his expression anguished. "I… think they sense we're like them. The ones who were…damaged. It's like our wounds bleed into theirs and…" He shook his head. "I mean…."
"That makes sense. Horses are very sensitive. That's one of the only good things about suffering. It helps you help other people who've gone through the same thing."
"Like me and Esther were the only ones who understood each other here."
"We'll find her," she said, wishing she could really promise that. "I mean—I'll do all I can to help." Even if that isn't much…. But I can't leave him like this. And it might help me get closer to Jason…. it all might be a way to him…
If only we could find her before she's hurt again! It might be too late for Jason, but… maybe not for Esther…
Viktor walked back and stood on the other side of Vi. Twined his hand in her mane. "It… feels good to be with horses again."
"You have been around horses?" said Connie.
"My uncle had them. I used to ride. I…forgot about…everything…for a second…." His eyes shone with wonder.
David nodded. "It's the only way I can forget, too."
"They're usually crowding in on my mind all the time… but out here…" A tear slipped down his cheek. He leaned against Viola's neck, his face eclipsed by it.
After a few moments, he looked up again. "You mentioned a security system?"
David nodded.
"I—just remembered something. One day they put in a security system in Locke's house…. And… they came to my room. They…knew about me and didn't care I was a slave."
"Can you describe the people who came here?" Connie asked David.
"One had brown hair, one was pretty tall… he always wore a cap…."
"What were they called?"
"Enhanced Security."
"Hm…" Something about security systems…. "Karl had a security company. But he's in jail."
"Maybe there are more," said Ana.
"We'll have to look into this." A security company could go all over the country…. Could be spying on a lot of people… "Tasha was going to interrogate Karl. I could ask her to ask him about that."
"Who is Tasha?" said David.
"She's in the NSA."
His eyes lit up. "You sure know a lot of agents."
"Well, they're Jason's contacts." She turned to David. "I'm going to ask everyone I can about this. And I'll be looking for clues too."
"Thank you." He smiled gratefully, sadness in his eyes, yet a glimmer of hope.
The cars rolled up, their black shiny surfaces glinting in the golden sunlight of early evening. Men and women in suits jumped out as the dogs barked, running around wildly. Ana and Viktor cringed back, pressed against Vi for protection. Bramble, who had been creeping closer, dashed away into the shadows of the trees.
Connie went up to greet the agents and told them what she'd found out. David hung back, curious, but not quite up to being among a swarm of agents.
"We'll take it from here," said the head agent, Jeanne, a young woman with short auburn hair.
"You'll do all you can?"
She nodded. "Every thread could be important. We don't want Yavesh to unravel the fabric of this small but stable nation. Don't worry. Rebecca is our top priority."
"Esther."
"Right. Esther. And your husband, as well." She nodded in farewell and strode off toward the house to meet with Zeb and Tina, who were standing on the porch.
Connie drove up close to the barn so Ana and Viktor could get in without getting into the thick of things. Ana kissed Vi's nose. Viktor rubbed her forehead. They both said goodbye to David, then climbed into the back of the car.
David stepped up to her window. "This is amazing." Tears gleamed in his eyes. "All of these agents…."
"I'll be praying for you."
David narrowed his eyes, then nodded. He turned away amid the growing shadows and headed back to the pasture, his silhouette blending with the large vigilant shape of his horse.