Chapter 53 - Essence

Hours passed. The sun tilted into its downward descent on the horizon over the small hut, casting long shadows of the foliage and trees across the ground. Sesshomaru had not yet been able to give himself over to rest. Something he very much needed, to be able to absorb the energy necessary to battle again soon. He couldn't quite bring himself to close his eyes. It was as if each moment he looked away, the thought that Rin may not be there when he opened his eyes. The thought again loomed in his mind. Yet, every time he did, she still lay there, curled on the mat beside where he sat. She slept peacefully, with no indications of nightmares, wrapped in his fur with her fingers curled deep in the plushness of his mokomoko.

Despite the looming threat that Sesshomaru felt, more in his mind than in reality, eventually he slipped into a light sleep. Still leaning against the wall, his eyes closed, head resting against the solid wood behind his shoulders.

"Son."

Sesshomaru's eyes opened to darkness. This time, he didn't question where he was. He knew. The Tenseiga has brought me back. Slowly the yokai stood, still unable to see his surroundings amidst the darkness that enveloped him.

"Father." He swept the darkness with his gold eyes, trying to ascertain any shapes around him. "Why have you brought me here again?" From the shadows, the image of Toga stepped forward. He looked just as he ever had, a smile on his handsome face.

"I thought you may want some guidance."

Sesshomaru looked at his father with hard intensity for a moment. "I don't know what you mean."

Toga chuckled, shaking his head slightly. "You know son... I will not always be here. My memories will not live on in Tenseiga forever. You should take advantage of the opportunity while you can." His father's eyes were kind, much as they always had been when he still lived. He looked at Sesshomaru with compassion, as if his son did not yet understand life.

Sesshomaru bristled with contempt for the compassion. Why would I, Sesshomaru need compassion? I am a great lord. I have everything I need in life. "There is nothing more in life that I want, except to walk the Path of Supreme Conquest." ... except Rin. A small voice whispered in the back of his mind. Sesshomaru smothered it into silence. When his eyes lifted to his father's face again, he found the smile was gone, and the compassion had melted into pity.

"Sesshomaru. I kept my promise to you. I have always loved you. I will remain here for you as long as Tenseiga is able to hold my essence. But it will not be forever." Stepping forward, Toga gently placed his hand on his son's shoulder. "Please. Do not wait until it is too late."

For a single tremulous heartbeat, Sesshomaru considered telling his father about his internal struggles, about... Rin. About the longing that had seemed to take over his soul. Quickly he thrashed the thoughts into silence. I will not appear weak in anyone's eyes.

"If there was something you wanted me to know, father, you should have sought me out while you still lived." Sesshomaru shifted his shoulder, casting off Toga's hand. "Perhaps if you had spent more time with your son, instead of chasing a human woman, you would still be alive today."

The words clearly stung Toga, who dropped his hand to his side, eyes so much like Sesshomaru's cast to the ground. "You have right to be angry with me." Toga admitted. "I failed you, and InuYasha as a father. I failed Inkimi as a mate she felt was appropriate. I failed Izayoi, and should have been there to help her raise our child." Toga's words only served to irritate Sesshomaru further. "But." Toga conitnued. "I did everything in my power, to ensure that both of my sons were protected after my death. I made sure that my essence would be saved within the Tenseiga, so that you would not be alone."

Sesshomaru huffed with distain. "You think I care about being alone?"

Toga's eyes lifted to look at his son, this time, they were intense. "Son. I don't know what ideals Inkimi taught you. But the greatest warriors are not alone soldiers. They are those who have someone to fight for."

Darkness swirled before Sesshomaru's eyes, overtaking Toga's face and hurling him back into consciousness. He blinked, realizing that he was back to himself, sitting against the wall in the hut. What he didn't expect, was to see Rin's wide brown eyes peering closely into his own. So closely in face, that he felt the heat of her breath on his face.

"Lord Sesshomaru!" She gasped, pulling abruptly back, as if she had been caught doing something. A flush crept across the bridge of her tiny nose. "Um... thank you my Lord." She offered him a folded piece of cloth in her hands, with a respectful bow.

Reaching out, he took it and instantly recognized the fabric of his hankimono. He lifted his gaze to inspect her face again, curious by the heightened color, but found that she had turned herself completely away from him and was busy exploring the food basket.

Is she well? Rin never turns away from me. Sesshomaru placed the cloth next to him, until he could restore it to its proper wearing later, and focused on the girl. "Did you sleep well, Rin?"

"Oh yes! I dreamt that I was floating on the clouds. It was warm and safe." She still did not turn to look at him. On the floor before her, she had laid out her small blanket and was organizing the food into separate categories upon it.

"Rin." He couldn't understand her current reluctance to look at his face, his eyebrows drew together.

She didn't turn, and instead inspected some dried meats very closely. "Yes, my Lord?"

"Is something wrong?"

"Oh look! Lord Sesshomaru! Jaken brought a beautiful melon!"

Whatever it is, she clearly doesn't want to speak of it. With a faint sound of irritation he leaned back against the wall, and lapsed into silence as Rin sorted through the food with a constant running commentary. She will tell me when she's ready.