Friends and Lovers
Ssj_hotaru
Chapter Four
Sora lay awake in bed tossing and turning as she waited for the sweet oblivion of sleep to claim her. Why did she always do the wrong thing? She groaned and pressed her face deeper into the pillow.
It was obvious she shouldn't have run away from Matt all those years ago and she definitely shouldn't have run away from him tonight. She groaned again and punched the pillow, wishing it could be his face. She couldn't believe she'd stupidly allowed him to prey on her insecurities and guilt, and then instead of standing her ground she'd fled like the little coward she was to the sanctuary of her borrowed bedroom. Her throat ached and her eyes burned from crying herself out long after the others had come to check on her. She'd been forced to claim a sudden headache, which of course had only made Joe worry it was related to the car accident. He'd refused to leave her alone until she agreed to let him examine her for any signs of injury. An intensely uncomfortable situation that now served to fuel her frustration.
Matt had effectively ruined her night and quite possibly her whole weekend.
But why? It was obvious from their concern that the others still cared about her and wanted her around, so what was Matt's problem! Agitated, she flopped onto her back and contemplated the ceiling.
He couldn't really hold the last six years against her... Sure she'd ran off to hide at her father's house, but he hadn't tried to stop her. In fact, she thought, frowning at the shadows that crisscrossed her walls in the moonlight, he hadn't come after her at all. Joe had been with her only because he came to school with his brother, who worked closely with her father, but the others had contacted her one after another and at the end of that first year she'd returned to help her mom with the flower shop. She transferred to the local university, got a job as a trainer at the gym, sponsored and co-coached a children's soccer team... Matt could have found her at any time, if he had looked.
But he never did. She'd tried so hard to avoid him that she never stopped to realize how easy it had been.
Could he have suspected the real reason behind her disappearance? Anxiety and resentment coiled in her stomach. Did he know? Was that why he had never sought her out the way the others had? But that didn't explain his animosity towards her... She shook her head in denial. It just didn't make sense.
Feeling uncomfortably overheated, she finally gave up the fight for sleep and slipped from beneath the blankets. The floor was cool against her bare feet as she retrieved her robe from the dresser and wrapped it around herself, tying it at the waist. The material was silky and barely reached her knees, making it virtually useless against the mountain cold, but it offered a level of modesty over the barely there nightgown she wore.
She sighed in disgust as she recalled packing her suitcase earlier that day. She'd been so excited to show off how mature and fashionable she'd become, nothing like the comfortable tomboy they'd known in school. She'd selected her most daring and provocative designs, outfits she otherwise never would have worn. She shook her head at her own pathetic reasoning. All these years later she was still making a fool out of herself over Matt, and all it had gotten her was another sleepless night and a bag full of ridiculously impractical clothes.
She paused at the door to listen, straining to hear any noise from the house below.
Her emotions were still too raw, too confused. She needed to clear her head before she felt anywhere close to facing her friends. In short, she needed to pull herself together. Save the crazy for when you get home.
Satisfied with the quiet she stepped out into the hallway, happy to note the silent hinges as she carefully closed the door behind herself.
The hard knot of anxiety and resentment continued to twist inside her as she padded softly towards the stairs, the shadows stretching across the floor like the bars of a prison cell.
Damn Matt anyways! She thought angrily, her throat tightening with tears she refused to shed, she had cried enough tonight. Damn him to hell. She couldn't say if she was even angry at him, or just disappointed in her own weakness as she snuck passed her friends' bedrooms like a fugitive.
She'd had high hopes for the weekend- unrealistic hopes. Hopes that she hadn't even admitted to herself until they'd shattered against the reality of Matt Ishida. She hated to admit it to herself even now and she grimaced painfully as she forced herself to acknowledge the truth.
The tiny dress, the sky high heels, even the skimpy black nightgown she wore under the impractical robe had all been with the intention of catching Matt's attention. She'd wanted to prove that she had changed- that she was a different person than the girl he'd known in school, but all she'd done was repeat the same futile attempt which caused her to flee in the first place.
Had she even changed at all?
Descending the stairs she glanced down to assure herself that she was, indeed, alone. The full moon hung low over the lake and streamed in through the large windows, bathing the open space below in its pale glow. Quickly she crossed the room and slipped through the door, relishing the cool night air as it brushed against her overheated skin.
The lake looked incredible in the full force of the moonlight, taking her breath away; like liquid silver, rippling and shimmering against the darkness of the trees. The sound of the waves lapping at the shore pulled her, whispering... promising to cool her skin as well as her thoughts. She paused, torn.
When she rose she'd only intended to walk along the shore until her anxiety eased or the cold drove her back to bed. The water beckoned, however, and she couldn't help but cast a longing glance back at the dark cabin and the swim suit she'd left neatly folded on her borrowed dresser.
She hesitated only a moment longer before she decided not to return to her room and continued instead across the smooth wooden boards of the deck. Everyone was asleep anyhow and going back would only risk waking them.
She stepped down off the deck and followed the trail that bordered the lake, moving away from the house and anyone that could chance to look out onto the water. The mud near the shore squelched between her toes and she smiled at the soft feel of it against her bare feet. She walked until she could no longer see the deck hanging over the shore behind her before she approached the water's edge, letting the waves splash up and over her feet.
The lake really was beautiful. She paused and took it in, the surface shimmering like a mirror against the night sky. Impetuously she pulled at the belt tied around her waist and shrugged out of the robe, savoring the feel of the warm silk as it slipped over her skin and pooled around her ankles. She waded in, catching her breath at the shocking cold, delicious against her skin as it momentarily drove everything else from her mind.
She stopped when the water reached her hips, remembering too late the flimsy night gown. What the hell she thought, and gripped the hem. She arched her back, preparing to pull the damp garment over her head.
"You might not want to do that."
She nearly jumped out of the water. She swallowed her startled scream before it could claw it's way free of her throat and jerked around to find the source, even as her traitorous heart leapt with joy at the too familiar voice. It took her eyes a moment to pick him out among the boulders jutting into the lake, but when she did her heart stuttered and skipped. Her blood pulsed frantically, heating her despite the cold until her muscles turned to jell-o and her knees felt weak.
Had there ever been anything as tempting as Matt lounging amidst the stones by moonlight? She didn't think so. He looked like a black and white ad from a magazine and she longed to go to him- to touch him- to make him real.
Her first instinct was to flee again, but she was sick to death of running away. She was better than that. She screwed up her courage and faced him instead.
"Why not?" She asked, impressed with her own false bravado. She saw him shrug in the pale light of the moon.
"Just thought you should know you had an audience." He said, his tone mocking her. "By all means, don't let me stop you." He gestured for her to proceed.
Sora realized she was still grasping the hem of her nightgown to her chest, baring herself from the midriff down and exposing the lacey panties she wore beneath. She was grateful the silver light hid the blush that heated her cheeks.
An idea occurred to her, bold and impulsive. Excitement set the butterflies fluttering in her stomach. Did she dare? What did she have to lose?
"Join me?" She invited, before she could lose her nerve. She held herself very still, afraid she would shake apart with fear. She contemplated tossing him her nightgown and diving in, to show she didn't care either way, but she hesitated too long.
"No thanks." He said, and his tone was flat... disgusted?
Devastated, Sora looked down, seeing herself the way she imagined he was seeing her. Her heart sank. She released the nightgown and watched as the fabric trailed on the water's surface. She no longer felt excited and adventurous. Instead she felt foolish and ashamed. She was pathetic.
How many times was she going to throw herself at him?
How many times would she face rejection before she learned?
She only realized she was crying when the hot tears poured over the cold skin of her face. She struggled to regain control of herself, but the tears only came harder. With a strangled cry she gave up and ran for shore, splashing up onto the bank with her fist in her mouth to stifle the sobs.
She didn't stop to retrieve her robe in her desperate flight, the need to escape the only thing that filled her mind. Her feet flew over the trail and crushed the leaves on the other side as she crossed it, running up the hill, away from the lake- away from Matt. Away from everything.
His strong arms caught her just as she entered the forest, pulling her back. She whipped around and fought him like a cornered animal. She struck out mindlessly, her hands curled into claws, her bare feet bruised as she kicked him. She felt him recoil and she yanked away, struggling to break free. With a curse he fell on her, tumbling them both to the ground and crushing her beneath him. He trapped her hands in his own and pinned them on either side of her head, his legs twisting with hers until her efforts resulted in no more than squirming and she was forced to admit defeat.
She ceased her efforts to buck him off, useless as they were, and instead focused on sucking in shallow gasps of air in an attempt to get her emotions under control. She could feel his hot breath on her as he lifted his head and she searched his face in the shadows. He lay on her, his body pressing hers into the bed of leaves which coated the forest floor, branding her bare skin everywhere they touched. She was intensely aware of him in a way she had never been before. She could feel his heart as it beat a rhythm against her chest and her own heart pounding out of sync. The roughness of his jeans against her bare thighs and the intimacy of his hands interlaced with hers set her pulse to throbbing.
It was only seconds, but they lasted a lifetime as she met his eyes, shiny and intent on her, and lifted her face to his, barely daring to hope.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" He demanded, and she burst into fresh tears.