Friends and Lovers
Chapter Ten
"Penny for your thoughts?"
Sora turned her head at the sound of Kari's soft voice and smiled at the younger woman settled into the lounge chair beside her.
This morning she had been uncertain how the day would play out with the previous night fresh in her mind. The dynamic between her and Matt had changed, but as the morning drew on she grew anxious about that change in the light of day. Surrounded by their friends she struggled with how to handle their expectations.
If she greeted him warmly their friends would know immediately something had happened and the last thing she wanted to do was try to explain this to their friends. How could she when she barely understood it herself.
No, she decided, last night was better kept a secret between them.
Neither could she pretend to be as cold and bitter towards him anymore, however. Last night had so unsettled her that she lacked any faith in her ability to play the part and what if her pretending damaged whatever might be happening between them? Fear gripped her heart.
No, she couldn't risk that.
She'd been so anxious all morning, both dreading and anticipating his presence that her friends noticed. Joe was, of course concerned that her unfocused state was related to the fake headache she'd used to excuse her self the previous night. She'd seized on that explanation with relief, lacking any of her own, and her friends respectfully accepted it, though she'd been unable to hold Taichi's probing gaze.
Did he know something? She felt the blood rush to her cheeks, flushing furiously. Could Matt have confided in him during the night? They did share a room after all.
Her anxiety had skyrocketed.
Luckily for her, Matt had chosen not to come down until after lunch. Whether he did so because he understood her predicament or because he was struggling with the same uncertainties himself she could only speculate, but his late appearance saved her from needing to greet him in front of their friends. In fact, it had saved her from having to speak with him at all as Kari wanted to go over the flower placement at her wedding and they'd excused themselves to the patio.
Where she still sat watching the early afternoon light sparkle on the water.
"Just enjoying the sunshine." She answered easily. In all honesty she'd give more than a penny herself to collect her thoughts.
"It is beautiful" Kari agreed. She reached out suddenly and squeezed Sora's hand, giving her an earnest smile "I'm so happy to have you here."
Sora flinched at her words, withdrawing her hand even as she knew the words weren't meant to hurt her. Kari let her go, watching her with concerned eyes, She shifted her own gaze across the shore to where the guys were climbing the rocks jutting into the water. It was easier not to look at her.
"I'm happy to be here," She replied with more emotion than she intended, tears making her throat feel tight. "It's been too long."
She watched Matt and Taichi scramble over the boulders with Joe and TK following more carefully behind. Taichi had challenged them to race to the end and as always Matt had risen to challenge him. She smiled sadly watching them, feeling again the pang that she was looking at the boys inside the men. Had they really grown so much?
Her smile faltered as she thought of the wasted time between them, what would it have been like to see Matt grow from the lanky teenager she remembered.
"We care about you," Kari said beside her. "We want you to be happy. With that in mind…You know he has a thing for you right?" The words startled her and she looked to find the younger woman's perceptive gaze had followed hers and she was watching the guys scrambling over the rocks.
"Wh-what?" She stammered around the sudden fist in her gut. What did Kari know?
"He has a thing for you." She repeated easily, meeting Sora's eyes as if she was discussing common knowledge. "He has for years."
Sora's eyes slid back to Matt across the water and she watched him grab the back of Taichi's shorts and yank him down from the rock so he could pull himself up first. Last night he'd kissed her… but that didn't mean… this was something new wasn't it? Did she dare to believe…
Could she have been so blind all this time?
"How do you know?" She asked, her voice shaky. She took a deep breath in a vain attempt to control her wild thoughts and forced herself to look Kari in the eye. "How do you know?" She repeated.
While they may have been friends for years she'd never been close enough to Taichi's little sister to confide in her. She knew the younger woman had a talent for empathy, but that had never played a part in their relationship.
Kari smiled gently and uncurled from her seat on the lounge. She raised a hand to shield her eyes against the sun and watched as her brother and Matt reached the furthest rock together, shoving at each other to claim victory while Joe and TK moved more cautiously.
"It's obvious to anyone paying attention." She said, her voice was kind, but Sora heard the rebuke in her words. Of course she had made it a point to know as little about Matt as possible.
"He's sacrificed so much just to stay close to you." Kari continued, her smile falling as she lowered her hand and she looked back at Sora, meeting her eyes directly. Sora's throat constricted even as she frowned, confused. Had Matt tried to stay close to her somehow? "I think…" Kari paused as she seemed to rethink what she was about to say and collect her thoughts. She spoke more slowly, weighing her words as she spoke them."I think you are hurting him more than you realize by not accepting the past. It hurts all of us, but it hurts him the most."
Sora felt the tears prick her eyes and looked away, unable to hold her gaze. Across the water she heard Taichi shout in triumph and saw him jumping up and down alone on the rock. Matt's head broke the surface of the water and he shouted back, laughing before swimming for shore.
Kari hadn't said anything she didn't already know, but hearing the words spoken by someone she trusted hit like a fist to her gut, knocking the breath out of her. She knew she wasn't acting rationally, she'd always known. From her initial flight to her self imposed exile, she knew it wasn't reasonable, but she thought she was only hurting herself. She'd just never stopped to realize that her absence could be hurting her friends.
Or maybe that's exactly what she wanted all along, she painfully admitted to herself. She wanted to hurt Matt.
She'd naively hoped he would realize his true feelings and show up at her door ready to fall to his knees with the force of his devotion. She released a long, shaky breath, disappointed in herself yet again. Was that all this was? A childish attempt to act out her very own fairy tale that she was still taking too far.
"I'm so sorry" She choked, wiping the tears from her eyes before they could fall. "I never considered… how anyone else felt." It sounded so selfish uttered out loud and the shame suffused her. Before she could sink too deep however she felt the younger woman's fingers touch her shoulder.
With effort she forced herself to meet her eyes.
"We've already forgiven you." Kari said, smiling warmly. "The only reason I'm saying anything now is because… well to be honest he's been saying this weekend is his last chance."
"He talks to you?" Sora asked, floored by the revelation that Matt would confide to any of their friends, much less Kari. She never would have guessed reconciling with her meant so much to him that he considered this his last chance! She couldn't help touching her lips in wonder. Last night made so much more sense now.
"He talks to TK," Kari corrected, bemused. "and TK doesn't think I should talk to you, but I don't want any of my friends to be hurt again."
"I don't want to hurt him." Sora said emphatically.
"Good. Now while I'm sure he's willing to wait forever for some kind of sign," Kari chuckled and patted her shoulder. "try not to make him wait too much longer." With a wink she turned and jogged toward the rocks where TK was waving for her to join him, Joe, and her brother.
Sora watched her go, emotions roiling. She needed time to process everything she'd just been told, but as she looked over the water she saw the figure swimming towards her and her heart skipped.
Her mouth went dry as Matt hoisted himself easily onto the dock in front of her.
She knew she was being obvious, but she couldn't help following the rivulets of water dripping from his bare chest down to the trunks he wore, blushing at the way they molded to his thighs with each step he took.
"It's rude to stare." He told her, coming to a stop when he reached her chair. She swallowed and forced herself to look up, meeting his knowing eyes where he stood smirking. Heat cascaded through her and her heart did it's now familiar jig at the sound of his voice.
He has a thing for you Kari had said and the words echoed in her head, drowning out any witty response she may have had.
"Sorry" she said dumbly.
His smirk stretched wide and he laughed. Watching him she couldn't help laughing herself.
Gasping he sank into the chair recently vacated by Kari and wiped at his eyes, "Apology accepted" He managed. Sora covered her mouth to contain her own mirth.
Matt looked at her with the easy smile that made her heart melt and for the first time in what felt like forever she didn't feel uncertain. Kari said he had a thing for her and that he'd confided his hope for the weekend in TK. They were finally on this path together and her heart overflowed for him.
"You know," He said, resting his elbows on his knees. "It's nice to hear you laugh again." He tilted his head into his hand to brush the wet hair out of his face and Sora watched it fall back across his impossibly blue eyes. "I've missed it."
I missed you, Sora was sure that's what he meant, he just didn't know how to say it outright.
"It's nice to hear your laugh again as well" She said, but hoped he understood. I've missed you too she wanted to say. It took everything inside her not to throw herself at him in front of every one.
Now that she knew he had feelings for her it made everything clearer. She didn't have to play games trying to tease out his intentions. She didn't need to be wracked with uncertainty. He wanted another chance just like she did. She reached out and touched his arm, she just couldn't help herself. Despite her new certainty her heart still leapt into her throat at the feel of his skin beneath her fingertips.
Matt visibly started, but made no move to shift away. Emboldened she flatted her palm and watched her hand slide slowly upward, feeling the hard muscle beneath his skin as she moved. She remembered the previous night and how it had felt to be crushed beneath him, shoving at him, resting against him… the kiss that had barely been a kiss. This was different. The fire that had burned out of control last night was still raging, but she didn't feel as battered by it. It still consumed her, but now she welcomed the heat.
Matt caught her hand at the base of his throat and she met his eyes, the intensity in his gaze matching hers.
"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice low and deep. Sora looked from her hand he held in his and back. What she'd meant to be a reassuring touch had turned into something… intoxicating. How did he do this to her so easily?
"I don't know." She whispered, weak with the desire to keep touching him. His eyes darkened and she nearly choked when he brought her hand to his lips. Holding her gaze he pressed a kiss to her skin and smiled his familiar half smile.
"You better figure it out," He said, releasing her. "We have an audience."
Sora looked back to see Joe making his way across the rocks toward shore. Her heart sank.
"Oh dear," she said aloud, he probably thought she was about to run away into the woods again.
Matt gestured over his should with his thumb, indicating the house behind them. "When you get rid of Prince Charming meet me inside. " He gave her a look that made her blush and she resisted covering her cheeks with her hands to cool them. "Maybe we can pick up where we left off."
Sora twisted to watch him as he strode into the house, appreciating the lines of his back in the light of day and remembering how it had felt when he'd carried her up the stairs. The wet trunks clung as nicely to the back of him as they had to the front and it was a good thing the door closed behind him when it did or she may have caught the lounge on fire.
Damn he looked so good! Matt had always been attractive, but he'd grown into the promise of his youth. He was genuine calendar worthy hotness. Everything inside her hummed with anticipation and she turned back around to wave at Joe jogging up to the house. If only they'd been alone instead of surrounded by all their friends, she pouted.
"Is everything ok?" Joe panted, He rested his hands on his knees to catch his breath when he reached the porch. Sora smiled at him warmly, despite her frustration. Even though she knew there was no need, it was very sweet of him to look out for her.
"I'm fine." She assured him, oh she hoped he would trust her and not try to linger.
"Are you sure?" He pushed his glasses up higher on his nose and looked around as if he expected someone to be hiding behind the outdoor furniture. Sora widened her eyes in exaggerated innocence.
"Is something the matter Joe?" Sucking in a deep breath he straightened and stepped up to join her.
"I guess not." Drat! Sora watched as he slouched into the chair vacated by Matt only a minute before. He was definitely lingering. "How are you feeling?" He asked, slanting a look in her direction.
"I'm fine" She repeated, struggling not to snap at him. Wasn't he having fun playing on the rocks- why was he bothering her? She inhaled through her nose to calm her irritation. Joe was one of her dearest friends and he'd stayed close to her even when she was pushing everyone away. He was there for her when she was falling apart the last few years and he stepped up to help her run the flower shop when she was failing. He only worried about her because of her own actions and she could damn well blame herself for that.
"You don't have to babysit me." She told him more gently, "I'm really fine."
"But what about…" Joe trailed off, obviously realizing he almost said Matt's name. Was this how everyone was around her? How had she not realized they purposefully avoided talking about him with her to the point that Joe couldn't even say his name out loud to her when the man himself was just inside.
"Matt?" She finished for him, satisfied at his guilty flinch. She forced what she hoped was a reassuring smile, reassuring enough to send him back to Taichi and TK? She wouldn't bet on it."I'm working on accepting the past Joe, I think you should too." She stood up from her seat, not willing to get any deeper into the conversation.
"Where are you going?" Joe asked, scrambling back to his feet beside her. Holy Goodness was he going to follow her? She waved him away.
"I'm just getting out of the sun." An idea came to her and she wanted to smack herself for not using it sooner. "And using the bathroom. If you'll excuse me." She slipped around him and made for the door.
"Sora." She froze, something in the tone of his voice halting her. She turned, surprised to see he looked nervous and unease stirred in the pit of her stomach. What could he be nervous about? He shuffled briefly, running a hand through his hair before finally flashing her a nervous smile. "Can we talk later?"
Why did the request feel so significant? She knew their friends would have questions and concerns, considering the past, but she wanted the chance to figure this out between her and Matt before trying to explain it to anyone else. Be that as it may, Joe was obviously concerned about her and he deserved a real conversation. She forced a smile despite her misgivings.
"Sure Joe, we can talk later." She pulled the door open and stepped inside, already dismissing him from her mind as excitement coursed through her like electricity.
Right now she needed to finish a very different kind of conversation.