Friends and Lovers
Chapter Twelve
Matt leaned back against the office door, thankful none of their friends were lingering nearby. He needed time to gain a level of composure before he risked rejoining their group. He raked a hand through his hair in frustration and cursed his self control. He'd only been half joking when he said he hated himself. Jesus she made him reckless.
He readjusted the swim trunks that did nothing to hide how difficult it had been to leave her. He felt the sting where her nails dug into the skin of his back and a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He really was going to need a shirt. The voices coming from deeper in the house told him his friends were gathered inside and unless he was planning on walking backward up the stairs, there would definitely be some explaining to do. He winced at the thought of how that might go. Getting a new shirt from his room was definitely not an option.
Instead he turned and slipped out the front, taking care to be as quiet as he could be.
He hoped no one heard the door close behind him as he made his way to the rocks along the shore and the shirt he'd discarded there. His long strides set a quick pace to put as much distance between himself and the bad choices he wanted to keep making. Even as he walked he could still see her the way she'd been when he pulled away. He clenched his fists and strode faster. It would be too easy to turn back when it had already taken everything in him just to leave.
He needed to slow things down. This is the second chance he was never suppose to have and he wasn't going to let his lust ruin it. Not this time. He should have learned that lesson. He should have learned it a dozen times over by now.
This was different.
This was Sora.
Warmth flooded his chest and he couldn't keep himself from smiling. She'd always mattered to him, but he never allowed himself to indulge these feelings. He had a habit of driving away the people who mattered.
When he made up his mind last night he didn't expect the strength it would take not to make up for wasted years. He nearly tripped as his thoughts returned to the office and what would be waiting for him if he turned back. It had felt so good to hold her, touch her, taste her. Another encounter like that would be the end of his good intentions. His heart raced in anticipation. What if they could be alone again, truly alone like they'd been last night. His mind played out an entirely different tussle in the leaves. He wanted her, wanted her more than he'd wanted anyone in a long time, but he also wanted to keep her.
Keeping her was the hard part.
If he didn't get himself under control he'd lose her for good this time. He felt certain of that. He needed to slow this down, find a way to get to know each other again and rebuild what they'd lost.
He scanned the shore and came to a halt when he saw a figure sit up. Shit. Taichi was perched on a rock directly under the tree where he'd left his shirt.
He considered turning back and taking his chances on the stairs after all.
They had their differences -and their often public disagreements - but if any of their friends were going to see through him it would be Taichi.
But it was too late. Matt failed to stifle his scowl as Taichi spotted him and hopped to the ground. He shoved his hands in his pockets and prepared to face his friend. If he played it cool maybe Taichi wouldn't notice anything was amiss.
"What are you doing?" Taichi demanded. Matt was shocked by his tone, but he shrugged and made a show of scanning the rocks.
"Just looking for my shirt, I think I left it around here." He couldn't quite bring himself to make eye contact, but if he was lucky Taichi might help him look for the shirt as well.
"I mean with Sora." Double Shit.
Surely he didn't know- couldn't know…?
"What do you mean?" He forced himself to meet his friend's gaze directly and was shocked at the anger flashing in his brown eyes. What the hell?
"You know what I mean." Taichi's voice shook and Matt suspected he was very near to shouting. "What are you doing Matt?"
Dropping any attempt to act casual, he felt his own anger spark. The feelings he'd indulged only minutes earlier twisted into something else inside him, something more familiar. Shame. That he was doing something wrong. That he wanted something wrong.
"What we're doing is none of your business." He refused to be the only one to blame.
"Are you stupid?" Taichi asked, "why do you have to ruin things again!" Matt clenched his fists, prepared to fight, but the sheen in his friend's eyes stopped him. Damn it, why did he always have to be such an ass.
"Tai…" He took a step toward him, but his friend shoved him hard, sending him stumbling.
"She has a whole life without you in it!" Taichi spat, wiping his eyes with the back of his fist. "We finally got everyone together again, and you're ruining everything." Matt flinched at the look on his face and dropped his eyes. Taichi made a noise of disgust and pushed past him to leave. "Just keep it in your God Damn pants for once."
He almost let him go. But… He grabbed Taichi above the elbow.
"I want her." He whispered, as if to himself, then again with more conviction. Taichi turned and Matt forced himself to meet his friend's eyes again. "I want her."
Taichi's shoulders slumped in defeat. "You're a selfish asshole." He said, but there was less heat than the words implied. Matt offered a rueful smile in agreement and Taichi just shook his head. "Do you mean it this time?"
He thought of the way he felt when he first saw her again after all these years. Was that only yesterday? How it had taken the breath out of him to see her on the back of her sun dappled car. Unbidden, came the image of her beneath in him the moonlight, the fire in her eyes when she was angry at him, the fire between them when she wasn't. He didn't try to keep the smile from his face.
"Yeah." He answered, his throat tight. "I mean it this time."
Taichi watched him, his eyes serious. The silence stretched between them before his friend finally sighed. "You better figure this shit out." He warned before turning away.
Matt watched him until he disappeared into the house, then he sank to the sandy soil of the lake shore and dropped his head into his heads.
Yeah he'd better figure this shit out real fast.
Sora peeked out of the office and, after confirming the coast was clear, hurried across the hall to the laundry room.
Thank God there was a bathroom so close because it sounded like all of their friends had followed them inside. She needed to put herself back together and no way would she have made it to her bedroom without attracting attention. While her tousled hair and rumpled dress might have an explanation, her flushed skin and swollen lips would give her away immediately.
She was sure she had never looked so obviously kissed.
The stupid smile on her face was not helping. She patted at her cheeks in a worthless attempt to relax the muscles, but instead stood with her palms pressed against the hot skin staring at her reflection in disbelief. Was this really happening?
Matt had kissed her. Not a quick, chaste kiss like last night, but really kissed her. Her skin flushed a new shade of red as she relived their moment together. No, it was not at all like last night. He'd meant it this time. She couldn't help the girlish squeal that escaped her, unable to contain it. How was she suppose to face her friends and pretend everything was normal when she felt like this? Her whole body hummed like she was ready to burst out of her skin. She felt tight and hot under her clothes.
Unbidden came the memory of cool water lapping against her thighs. Heat shot though her and her breath caught as she watched her flush deepen in the mirror. She needed to do something - anything- to ease the rising temperature inside. She noticed the small shower stall behind her in the reflection and lowered her hands from her cheeks to her neck.
If she couldn't dive into the lake to cool herself, maybe a cold shower would do.
She slipped the straps of the sun dress from her shoulders and it fell to her elbows, revealing the top of her black bikini. She watched in the mirror, transfixed as she imagined Matt seeing her the way she was right now and her heartbeat stuttered. With a feather light touch she traced the line where the fabric met her skin, her fingers dipping under to pull it to the side. Her pulse beat faster as her exposed flesh puckered.
Every nerve ending felt raw and exposed, even the air on her bare skin was almost too much, temping her to keep going. She met her own gaze in the mirror and her gut clenched at the sight of herself. Dear God she was too far gone.
A knock at the bathroom door shattered the fantasy. She jumped, slipping on the tile floor and fell against the counter to keep from going down.
"Just a minute!" She panicked, fumbling with herself to put her dress back in order.
What was she thinking! Had she even locked the bathroom door? The realization that anyone might have walked in cooled her faster than any shower could have. What was wrong with her!
"Sora are you okay?" Joe's concerned voice shot fresh panic through her and she scrambled to smooth her dress in place..
"Yes I'm fine." She answered, hoping he couldn't hear how shrill she sounded. She splashed herself with cold water, trying to shock away the blush that covered her face.
"You've been gone for a while." He said, his worry palpable through the door. She would have thought him sweet any other time, but right now she just wished he would go away. Why was he always where she didn't want him to be? She gritted her teeth and forced down her irritation.
"I'm fine." she repeated with more snap than she intended. This wasn't his fault, she reminded herself. She understood why he was worried, but damn what she'd give to be alone without someone dispatching the search party. She took several deep breaths to calm herself. She knew very well why they sent a search party and she had only herself to blame. She tugged at her flowing dress, smoothing her hands down the front one last time. It would have to be good enough.
She opened the bathroom door and Joe shuffled backward, clearly shocked at her appearance. A pang of guilt squeezed her heart and she softened.
"I'm sorry I worried you." She offered, stepping in to the laundry room and closing the door behind her.
Joe flushed and waved her apology away. "We were just worried, Kari's been waiting for you"
Waiting? Had she been gone so long? She thought it had only been a few minutes, but truly all sense of time had escaped her.
"I'm sorry," she repeated, automatically apologizing before the rest of what he'd said sunk in. Oh yes- The Wedding. What she was actually here for. She nearly smacked herself in front of Joe. "Of course, the flowers!"
Just this morning Kari said she wanted to go over the wedding plans. Sora's gift for the wedding were the flowers from her mother's flower shop -her flower shop, she reminded herself- and she'd promised to over see the delivery. She'd barely been paying attention at the time and with Matt around she was proving to be easily distracted.
She hurried to go around him, thinking only that she needed to escape upstairs to calm down before anyone else saw her, but Joe blocked the door.
"Please," he said, his hands raised "just wait." Her heart slammed painfully in her chest. Oh no.
"Is something wrong?" She couldn't hide the squeak of panic in her voice. Did he know? Had she missed something?
"No-no, nothing is wrong." He waved his hands, rushing to reassure her before stepping closer. "It's just…" He reached a hand toward her, his fingers brushing the hair beside her ear. She stumbled back without thinking, coming up against the bathroom door behind her. She flushed hot all over again, still too fresh from her kiss with Matt. A different type of panic set her pulse to racing and she quickly dropped her eyes.
She cursed her reaction when she watched his hand drop back to his side. He cleared his throat, "I'm just worried about you." The hurt in his voice was like a knife in her heart and she peeked up at him through her lashes. His eyes behind the glasses were intent on her face and she dropped hers back to his chest, unable to hold his gaze. Her guts were roiling with emotions she couldn't even begin to decipher.
This was Joe - her dearest friend. He'd been there at her worst and never asked questions. Guilt squeezed her chest like a vice. He was only worried about her because she always gave him reasons to be worried.
Before she could second guess herself she closed the distance between them and wrapped her arms around him, laying her face against his chest.
After a brief hesitation he returned the hug, pulling her in nearly as tight as Matt had earlier. Raw as she felt from everything that came before, she couldn't help comparing the feel of him in her arms.
Joe's embrace was familiar and warm. She'd sought safety in these arms many times and cried many tears on this very shoulder. Her pulse slowed and her heart beat gradually ceased it's thundering as she relaxed. It was so natural to simply lean in to him and allow herself to be held.
"I'm okay." She whispered after a moment, not daring to look at him. "I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm okay." She felt his chuckle rumble against her cheek.
"What else is new." He pulled back first and she tilted her face to look up at him. For a wild second she thought he meant to kiss her, but he searched her face too long, looking for something he couldn't find. "You'd tell me, right?" He finally asked.
Sora hesitated, she knew she would never confide this to him, but she nodded. He didn't believe her. He squeezed his arms around her, pulling her tight again. "I'm always here if you need me." He whispered into her hair. She squeezed him back.
"I can't get rid of you even if I wanted to." She said, only half teasing.
"Don't even try." He teased back.
Sora pulled away to offer him a reassuring smile, but it died when she saw the figure frozen in the open doorway behind him.
The look of horror on Taichi's face had her jumping away from Joe as if burned. Too late she realized how much worse that looked and she wished she could smack her palm against her own face. If she kept acting suspicious her friends would realize she was up to something.
Joe spared her a confused glance, acknowledging her odd behavior before he turned to face Taichi who held up his hands in obvious embarrassment.
"I didn't mean to interrupt." He apologized, gesturing back toward the front door he'd clearly just entered through. "I didn't know you were here."
"No worries." Joe said.
"You didn't interrupt-" Sora rushed at the same time.
The look Taichi shot her was unreadable and she couldn't help feeling like a guilty teenager. How much did he know, she wondered, trying to puzzle the meaning in his expression.
"We were just about to join Hikari." Joe explained reaching for her hand. It was a familiar gesture that Taichi did not miss. To avoid further suspicion Sora tucked her tousled hair behind her ear and stepped from behind Joe, dodging his seeking hand.
She realized her mistake immediately as Taichi took in her appearance, his eyes widening before they snapped to Joe in what she swore was accusation. She could see him making the connection.
Shit.
The last thing she wanted was her friends to think she was sneaking around with Joe. Especially not when she was actually sneaking around with Matt. The sheer level of absurdity would be comical if she wasn't actively living it.
"I feel sick" She announced and tried to slip by Taichi before he came to any more of his own conclusions. If she could just get up to her room fast enough maybe she could still avoid everyone else seeing her.
"Wait." She cringed, pausing just beyond the doorway at Taichi's request. "There's something in your hair." She felt his fingers brush the back of her head as he plucked it from her. Her stomach plummeted when she turned to see he was holding up a paper clip. She really was going to be sick.
Joe and Taichi were both looking at her and she did her best to hide just how much she wished a hole would open at her feet and swallow her up.
"That's weird." She said and rushed toward the stairs.
She could feel her friends watching her, but if she tried to explain she felt she would only make it much worse. Best to flee and hope they just never brought it up again.