Chapter 7
One Month Later
June
Everyone sings "Happy Birthday!" to me as Susannah sets my birthday cake in front of me.
I memorize it all under my pink glasses. There was nowhere else I'd rather be on my birthday than at Cousins with these people. It was something I hoped would never ever change.
"Make a wish, Belly." Conrad whispers to me once the singing dies down and I smile at him.
Little did he know I had been wishing for him on every birthday, every shooting star, and on every penny in a fountain for as long as I could remember. Conrad had his ball cap turned backwards with long hair falling out and it did something to my heart. He smiles back at me and I memorize him as he is in this moment. Fourteen. Tan skin. Glasses. A smirky mouth. Happy.
When it's time to make a wish, I close my eyes and blow out all of the candles. I wish that I can spend every birthday with the Fishers and of course I also wish for Conrad. When I open my eyes again, I'm no longer inside of the beach house. I'm in the backyard on a lounge chair.
Conrad appears above me and we're both our current ages now – no longer the teens we were at my birthday dinner. He shakes his head and water droplets fall onto my face.
I close my eyes and laugh at him, shielding my face with my hand.
"Happy Birthday." Conrad smirks down at me with the sun glowing behind him. "Make a wish."
I admire him for a moment. "What if you're my wish?" I smile up at him.
Conrad leans down to touch the infinity necklace around my neck. He admires it for a moment then looks at me. "You already have me."
He leans down to kiss me and he tastes like the ocean. Cold, salty, and wet. And I wouldn't have it any other way because kissing him and being with him like this was a wish come true.
"I wish this was real." I whisper against his lips.
I had dreamt about him for the past month. It was too good to be true.
"Who says it can't be?" Conrad smiles, kissing me softly and I laugh under his spell. Under his kiss. He pulls away to stroke the ends of my hair like a windchime then he looks into my eyes.
"You and I are meant to be." He strokes my hair and I want nothing more than to believe him.
Then I wake up.
I wake up in my bedroom in the suburbs of Philadelphia. I'm not with Conrad and I'm not in Cousins. I'm back in reality.
I sit up in my bed and check the time on my phone. At least I had slept in. I get ready for the day then I follow my nose downstairs and the first thing I see is my mother taking cinnamon rolls out of the oven. She always tried to make birthdays special especially after we lost Susannah. She smiles when she sees me and sets the cinnamon rolls on a cooling rack.
"Happy Birthday, Bean!" Laurel hugs me.
"Thanks, mom." I hug her back.
"Sleep well?" She smiles.
It had been one month. One month since we last saw each other and he was still invading my dreams. As pleasant as most of the dreams were, they made me sad because they weren't real. And that was the worst part of it all: having to wake up to the reality that Conrad and I weren't good. We weren't bad. We weren't anything. But I wasn't about to tell my mother all of this. Besides, it's my birthday. I wasn't going to spend it feeling this way. I wouldn't.
"Yup." I lie and answer her.
"Surprise!!" I hear two voices jump out from behind me.
I turn around to find Taylor and Steven holding balloons, presents, and a yellow birthday cake — my favorite flavor. Steven accidentally explodes a party popper near Taylor's face.
"Oh my god, Steven!" Taylor groans at him. Laurel laughs at the two of them.
My jaw drops. "What are you doing here?!"
"What does it look like?" Taylor giggles as she sets everything down then throws her arms around me. "Did you really think we'd miss your birthday, Cinderbelly?"
I hug her back and laugh. "I thought you said you couldn't get work off."
"Nope, you're just gullible." She taps my nose.
"That she is." Steven laughs, handing me an iced coffee. "Happy Birthday."
"For me?" I look up at him as I take it.
"Yup. Sugary as hell. Just the way you like it." He flicks me as he walks past and I laugh.
"You're too sweet!" I reply, no pun intended.
"Alright, let's eat!" Laurel says, setting birthday plates down on the table.
I hadn't been looking forward to my birthday this year but it was already off to a great start. It was the perfect birthday breakfast: Iced coffees with warm cinnamon rolls and frosting. A graduation from previous birthday breakfasts which always consisted of mickey mouse pancakes. Steven tries to light a candle on my cinnamon roll but the wax melts into the frosting. Laurel yells at him and replaces my cinnamon roll with a new one as Taylor and I burst into laughter. I had missed them. I hadn't seen them much since that night. The night of the hospital.
The roads were slick and wet as Conrad rushed us to the hospital that night. We'd later learn the rain was the cause of the car accident. A car from another lane had hydroplaned and lost control forcing Steven and Taylor's car into a ditch. The impact had knocked Taylor unconscious and landed her in the hospital which is the worst kind of news you can get over the phone. Taylor would eventually be released with only minor stitches and whiplash. Nothing life-threatening but it was still a scary night nonetheless. When we finally arrived to the hospital that night, my mother was furious. I knew I'd get a lecture from her later about not answering my phone but having Conrad there seemed to ease the tension. My mother's eyes were tired and red as she hugged him. I could tell she needed rest. She had driven through the night too. As soon as Steven saw us, he hugged us. What I wasn't expecting though was for him to cry to Conrad. He was shaken up, blaming himself for the accident even though it wasn't his fault. It was hard to see my brother like that. Steven wasn't a crier. Conrad didn't leave his side for the rest of the night and it warmed my heart. Conrad had always been good to my family but I don't think it hit me until that moment how good.
Once the doctor confirms Taylor will be okay, Conrad had to leave to make it to the airport on time. The airport was hours away and it was already early into the next day. He had spent all night driving me to the hospital as well as waiting with us until early morning to make sure Taylor was going to be okay. He didn't have to but he did and we all loved him for it. I could tell he was exhausted but he never complained. It was something I found endearing about him – his way of putting others needs before his own. It would make him an exceptional doctor someday.
We walked him out that dark and cold morning. It was before dawn – pitch black. Steven and Laurel hugged him and thanked him for being there then they talked about the Fourth of July weekend – the next time we'd all be together again. I wasn't listening though. All I could focus on was Conrad in those final moments.
Then when it was my turn, he turned to me and held out his arms. It had been too dark to see his full expression but I could feel the mutual sadness between us. The realization that this was it. Our weekend together was over. I wrapped my arms around him without saying a word and he reacted by hugging me tighter. I was worried I wouldn't be able to let go of him — that I would cling to him like a barnacle the way I had done all of these years. Hours ago I had begged him to let me go and now all I wanted was for him to stay. But it was too late for that. It was time for everyone to go home. It was time to say goodbye.
I'd never been good at goodbyes – especially when it came to Conrad Fisher.
"Get home safe, okay?" He whispered into my hair as we hugged each other that morning.
"You too." I whispered back.
I felt my heart physically tear away from his when we let go of each other. We shared an unspoken moment in the darkness. Both of us too afraid to say it first. Goodbye. The worst word in the history of words.
"See you in July?" was the last thing he said to me. He couldn't bare to say it either.
"See you in July."
And just like the ghost of Cousins' past, he turned around and faded into the darkness. Letting him go that night felt wrong in my heart but I knew it was the right thing to do. He had a life to get back to. A flight to catch. Before I stepped back inside the hospital with Laurel and Steven, I took one final look over my shoulder hoping to see him just one last time. But it was too dark. Just like that, he was gone and a familiar emptiness crept it's way back into my heart.
"Hello?!" Taylor laughs, snapping her fingers in my face. "Anyone home?"
I snap myself out of it. "Sorry. Did you say something?"
"Ready to head out?" Taylor laughs, finishing her cinnamon roll.
I smile and nod. We were spending my birthday in Cousins. As if there was any other place in the entire world I'd rather spend my birthday. But this year felt different. As excited as I was to be there, there was also a sadness underneath it all. The last time I had been there had been with him on that rainy night. A night that was not only invading my dreams, but also my heart.
One Week Earlier
Conrad:
It started off just like any ordinary afternoon. I got home from the research lab and I was in the middle of making dinner when Laurel's name and picture lights up my phone.
I hadn't returned most of her calls lately. I wouldn't say I was actively trying to avoid her. I was busy and working in a new research lab for the summer. But it was also hard to talk to her now that Belly was living under her roof. We still hadn't talked since her graduation weekend. It had been a lot for her: Jeremiah's engagement. Taylor's accident. Us. The last thing I wanted to do was pressure her or overwhelm her to make any decisions so I gave her time and space to process it all. I knew it was the right thing to do. I held on to the hope that once everything settled down in her life her name would light up my phone in a matter of time. But as weeks passed, the call never came.
It didn't stop me from missing her though. I had been so sure she had felt the same way that night in the rain as I laid myself bare to her. I knew it innately in the way she looked at me. I knew it in the way we kissed and the way we looked at eachother with fire burning in our eyes. I'd be lying if I said I didn't lie awake at night replaying it all in my head and wondering where it all went wrong. I was trying to come to terms with the fact that maybe she she had changed her mind. Maybe she would never call.
I finally answer Laurel's call in the kitchen. She immediately asks me how my summer is going. I tell her about my work in the lab and when I ask her what she has been up to she tells me about the new book she is writing. She mentions Belly is working at a cafe to save up as she job hunts and I smile. I could see it. Belly in a barista apron with her hair pulled back. As we catch up on each other's lives, I hear a door open and a familiar voice greet Laurel.
"Is that who I think it is?" I laugh.
Laurel doesn't say anything.
"Conrad." Cleveland greets me. "How are you, man?"
"Cleveland." I say. "It's been awhile."
"It has. It has." Cleveland agrees. "I hear you're almost a doctor."
"Almost." I laugh. "And I hear you wrote a series about sailing, Mr. New York Times Bestseller."
Cleveland laughs.
"Yup and he never lets me forget it." Laurel adds.
"Are you coming down for Belly's birthday?" Cleveland asks. "I'd love to catch up."
Laurel takes the phone and whispers to Cleveland, "I haven't asked him yet."
"Asked me what?" I say.
Laurel pauses.
"Steven and Taylor are planning on coming down to surprise Belly for her birthday weekend. I was going to ask if you wanted to join us. You're always invited, Connie." She offers.
I open and close my mouth. Of course I wanted to see everyone. I just wasn't sure if Belly wanted to see me.
"I'll look at flights" Laurel says when I don't say anything.
"You don't have to fly me out, Laurel."
"It's my treat, Connie." I can hear the smile in her voice. "So is that a yes? You'll come?"
"I don't know if I can get the time off of work." I lie.
Laurel sighs and pauses.
"If it means anything to you I catch her staring at your contact picture on her phone all the time." She laughs. "I think she really misses you, kid. We all do. Come visit your Laur."
I take a deep breath. It was difficult saying no the charming Conklin women. Impossible.
"Alright. I'll come." I say with closed eyes.
"That's my Connie." Laurel laughs. "When can you get here? I'll fly you out."
"Early Friday morning?"
"Consider it done. I'll book it right now." I can hear the excitement in Laurel's voice. "Keep it a surprise, will you? I think it'll be more fun for her that way."
"You have my word." I say.
"I'll fly you out to Cousins." Laurel smiles. "We're spending the weekend there."
"I guess I'll be seeing you all soon then." I smile.
"See you soon, Connie."
I count down the days until Friday. I go into a few stores after work to shop for her birthday present. I wanted it to be special — more special than any gift I had ever given to her. Something that showed her how much I cared about her and how well I knew her. But I come out of every store empty handed.
As I pack my travel bag that Thursday night, something catches my eye in my closet. I lift the box from the shelf and set it on my bed to take a look inside. I open the box to find all of my handwritten letters I had never sent to her. There was a small stack of letters she had written to me from Spain. The box had been collecting dust for years as I moved from apartment to apartment in medical school yet I never could bring myself to let it go. And that's when it hits me. Maybe this was the very reason. It was the perfect gift in itself: a compilation of feelings, memories, and our story all in one box. All for her.
If that night in the rain hadn't changed things, maybe these letters would. It would surely take her time to go through them all but she deserved to see them after all this time. Maybe they never belonged to me in the first place. Maybe they had always belonged to her and it was time to give them to their rightful owner.
"Where do you want to go tonight for dinner, Bean?" Laurel asks me as we carry bags inside the beach house. The sun was high in the sky and felt good on my skin.
I shrug. "Umm, I'm not sure."
It was times like these I'd randomly miss Susannah. I missed the lobster bake birthday dinners. The party favors. The house decorate before I even woke up. She made everything better.
"How about The Country Club?" Laurel offers.
I could tell she really wanted to go. She hadn't been there yet this summer to honor Susannah and I didn't have the heart to tell her no. Besides, maybe making new memories there to replace the memory with Conrad didn't seem like such a bad idea.
"Okay, sure." I smile.
Laurel smiles and takes out her phone to make the reservation, walking into the kitchen to set down some bags. I head upstairs to my bedroom. It looked exactly as I had left it a month ago. I fall back onto my bed with closed eyes as I take a moment for myself. When I open my eyes I sit up and look at Junior Mint. He was facing Junior Mint's new friend – the one Conrad had won and given to me. I sigh. He was everywhere here.
"Belly!" Laurel calls out from the stairs. "Come down, let's open presents!"
It was just what I needed. A distraction. I walk downstairs and Steven follows. He teases me about being in my upper twenties now and I laugh. I had missed our sibling banter. The house was too quiet without him around.
"Alright, it's all booked." Laurel says referring to our dinner reservation but she doesn't look up from her phone. It looks like she is texting someone as she smiles, tapping her screen.
"Open mine first!" Taylor says, dragging me to the living room.
I sit on the couch and laugh as Taylor hands me a colorful gift bag with tissue paper. She had never been much of a gift wrapper. The bag was heavier than it looked. I shake it and look at her funny.
"Just open it, Belly." She laughs.
I smile and take out the tissue papers to uncover the large gift. It was a large square frame with a collage of photos. A million memories from the past four years of our lives spanning all the way from our freshmen year to our senior year and graduation day. There were even a few photos of me in Spain when I had studied abroad. It was one of the nicest things she had ever done for me. My senior quote was engraved on the bottom. It was timeless.
"Wow, Taylor! This is amazing!" I smile as I admire all the memories we've made together.
"I know right?" She smiles. "I did it myself."
I laugh and hug her. "Thank you, Tay Tay."
"There is something else at the bottom." She nods at the bag. "It's from Anika."
"Since when do you keep in touch with Anika?" I laugh. She rolls her eyes.
I carefully set the large frame next to me on the couch and I look inside the bottom of the gift bag to see a small box. When I open it, two bracelets with matching charms are inside.
"They're friendship bracelets." Taylor laughs. "I told Anika it's totally elementary but she insisted since we're miles apart and everything. She wears hers almost every day."
Anika was on a cruise somewhere tropical so I wasn't expecting a gift but it was sweet she had thought of me. Taylor and I both put on our new charm bracelets, dangling them in the air.
"Here." Taylor snaps a photo of the friendship bracelets on our wrists and sends the photo to our girls group chat with Anika.
"Think fast, Belly!" Steven says, launching a gift at me. I laugh and catch it in my hands.
When I open it, I see a gift card to our favorite muffin spot in Cousins.
I laugh, nodding. "You know me well."
Steven and Taylor smile at each other then he looks back at me. "There's more."
I lift the gift card to find a folded up ticket underneath it. I unfold it to read it. It was a plane ticket.
"You guys never did a senior trip." Steven smiles. "So Taylor and I planned one. For all of us."
I put a hand up to my mouth in complete shock. Taylor and Steven laugh.
"Are you ready to show us around Spain, Cinderbelly?!" Taylor smiles at me.
"No way!" I laugh, looking at the ticket then back up at them. "I don't even know what to say!"
"Just be available at the end of the summer. August." Steven smiles. "Flights and hotels are already booked so there is no backing out."
"Did you know about this?" I look at my mother.
"It was hard to keep it from you, Bean, but it was worth it to see your reaction." Laurel laughs.
"Wow, I don't know what to say." The excitement grows as it sinks in and I get up to hug both of them, squealing. "Thank you. Thank you! Oh my god."
Laurel laughs. "Well, I'm not sure I'll be able to follow that one up but here you go."
She hands me her gift and I unwrap it to find a few baby tees from Susannah (they still smelled like her too), a post-grad book she had been telling me to read, and a golden key.
I pick up the key and look at her confused.
"You got her a car?" Steven looks at Laurel with jealousy. Taylor laughs at him.
"Nope." Laurel says. "It's a key to the beach house. It was Susannah's, actually."
I look down at the golden key to see "Beck's House" engraved on it. I smile.
"I figured you might need them more than me this summer." Laurel clears her throat. "Not that I'm kicking you out. You're welcome to come and go but I figured you may want your own place. I just wanted to let you all know since you are here that Cleveland and I have been seeing each other… And he's asked to move in."
The three of us look at her as she casually drops a bombshell on us.
"No way." Taylor laughs. "Go, Laurel."
"Wow. That's great news, mom." I smile. "And thank you. This is perfect."
"The key does come with responsibilities, Isabel." She looks at me with a serious expression. "No parties. No messes. You break it, you fix it. You have to promise to take care of this place. Just like Beck did."
I smile and nod. "I promise, mom."
"I didn't know you and Cleveland stayed in touch." Steven looks at her amused.
Laurel shrugs. "He heard about the accident and called me a month ago. He asked how we were doing and we got talking…"
"Wait, is that why you keep sneaking away at night? And running all of your random errands?" I scrunch my nose, putting all of the pieces together.
My mother shoots me a look and we all laugh at her.
"It's nothing serious." Laurel laughs.
"He's moving in, mom. I'd say that's pretty serious." Steven teases her.
"It's companionship." Laurel shrugs. "We're both just getting old and lonely."
My mother was funny about relationships. She never let anyone get too close especially after losing Susannah. I feared she would never find someone that could make her smile or laugh as hard as Susannah did. She had left quite the void in my mother's life and I knew she was lonely. It took a special kind of person to understand the amount of grief my mother carried with her and Cleveland was the guy to do it. My mom seemed happy and that's all that mattered to me.
"Two writers under one roof." Taylor jokes. "Now that's a love story waiting to be written."
I feel my phone buzz in my pocket as Steven and Taylor continue to ask her about Cleveland. I take it out expecting it to be Anika replying to our girls group chat but it's not. His contact picture lights up my screen and I forget everything around me in that moment. I forget how to breathe.
I think fast, jumping to my feet quickly. "Anika's calling. BRB."
I walk to my bedroom as fast as possible then shut my door. I put the phone up to my ear with my eyes closed and unsteady breathing.
"Hi." I answer, breathlessly.
"Hey, birthday girl." I can hear the smirk in his voice.
I couldn't believe it was him. I couldn't believe he had finally called.
"Is it okay that I'm calling?" He asks suddenly. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?"
He sounds nervous and out of breath. It makes me feel better because I sound nervous too.
"No, you're fine." I laugh. "We just finished with gifts."
"Speaking of gifts…" Conrad says on the other end. "I have one for you."
He sounds nervous again.
"You didn't have to get me anything." I can't help but smile.
"Check the front door."
I blush then remember where I am. "Oh, I'm at Cousins. I'm not home. Sorry."
"Check the front door, Belly."
I walk downstairs with him still on the line and before I open the front door, I pause and take a deep breath. I wasn't sure what I'd find behind it. Or who I'd find behind it. When I finally open it, I look down to see a package on the doorstep with his handwriting on it. And for a flickering moment, I feel sad. A small tinge of disappointment that he wasn't the gift on my doorstep.
"What is it?" I laugh into the phone as I pick up the package and close the door behind me.
"You'll see."
I turn around with the gift in my hands to see someone standing in the hallway. I nearly drop the gift from my hands when I see it's him leaning against the wall with his phone up to his ear. Was I still dreaming?
"Happy Birthday, Isabel." Conrad Fisher smirks into the phone, looking right at me.
He holds out his arms like a dare and I run over to him, nearly knocking him over in the process. I couldn't believe he was here. Another surprise visit. He sweeps me off my feet in the hallway and we both laugh. I feel giddy. It had been a whole month since we last saw each other but in that moment it felt like no time had passed. When you've known each other your whole lives, time moves like that.
Laurel, Steven, and Taylor watch the whole thing from the living room and join us in the hallway.
"Any more surprises I should know about?!" I laugh at them, releasing him.
"I didn't even know about this one." Steven jokes looking at Conrad. "It's good to see you, man. Glad you could make it."
I look at Conrad. He had come all this way without saying anything to anyone?
"Actually, I invited him." Laurel nods. "Surprise, Bean."
I look at her then back to Conrad who I still couldn't believe was here.
"How- how was your flight?" I ask him.
"Good." Conrad smiles down at me. "Better now that I'm here."
I smile back up at him. I was definitely dreaming.
Laurel motions for all of us to go in the backyard. "Let's get a picture! It's tradition."
Everyone stands on the pier with the beach house in the background as Laurel snaps a few photos of us four. We take a few smiling ones then a few goofy ones. Conrad's arm doesn't leave me as we pose and it was hard to not focus on it. I wasn't expecting there to be so much tension between us. Sexual tension. Undeniable chemistry.
Steven smiles once we're done. "Well. Now that the gang's back together I say we have some fun! Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" He looks to Conrad.
They bump knuckles. "A Great Boardwalk Showdown!" They say at the same time.
Taylor and I exchange looks, crossing our arms. Here we go again.
Steven turns to look at us with a pitiful expression. "I mean, unless you girls aren't game. I'd understand. I know we whooped your ass last time." He laughs.
Taylor laughs at Steven. "Oh, whatever! Belly and I are so game. Right, Belly?"
I shrug and laugh at them. "You're on!"
The way Conrad was looking at me makes me forget where I am until Taylor grabs my hand.
"Before we leave I have one more gift for you." She winks and drags me back inside the house.
She lays out the most beautiful summer dress on my bed. It reminds me of something Susannah would wear at my age. I tell her it's perfect and hug her then I decide to save it for dinner later. Taylor and I change into more casual outfits for the boardwalk and have some girl time as we touch up our makeup and hair. It was just like high school and college all over again. Where did all the time go?
"I missed this." I smile at her once she's done curling my hair. "Thanks for coming down."
"Me too." Taylor smiles, setting down the curling iron. "We're going to kick their ass! Team Belly!"
We both laugh.
"So, how's Anika?" She asks minutes later out of the blue.
"She's good. Yeah." I try to sound convincing.
"Okay. You're the worst liar ever." Taylor snickers. "Anika hasn't responded to our group chat all day. I don't even think she has cell phone reception wherever she's at."
I press my lips together and look away. She got me there.
"You never told me, you know…" Taylor sighs, brushing out my curls. "What happened between you and 'Conbad' after we left."
I had almost forgotten about her old nickname for him. I laugh at her and shrug casually.
"There's nothing to tell. We're friends."
"I think your version of friends is a lot different than mine." Taylor rolls her eyes at me in the mirror.
"Really?" I laugh at her. "You hooked up with my brother when you were 'just friends'."
"It's not my fault your brother is my soulmate." Taylor laughs.
I laugh and reapply my favorite lip mask. It tastes like strawberries.
"I know you spent your last day together here. Conrad told Steven at the hospital." Taylor admits.
"We just went to a few places we used to go as kids." I shrug. "It was really fun actually."
"You mean all the places you first fell in love with him?" Taylor tilts her head with sarcasm.
"Relax, Taylor." I laugh as I apply some blush. "It was just a last-minute decision."
"Is that why you didn't answer your phone for hours?" She laughs, taking the blush from me to apply it too. "I wasn't born yesterday, Belly. Come on, there is more to the story. I know there is."
"I would tell you if there was." I sigh. "We actually… haven't seen each other until today."
Taylor looks at me confused. "So Laurel just invited him out of the blue?"
I nod.
"Are you going to be okay this weekend?" Taylor turns to face me.
"It's my birthday weekend. Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"Maybe because you're about to spend the weekend together in the same house and you haven't spoken to him in over a month." She raises her brows. "Just a guess."
I roll my eyes. "You really don't have much faith in me, do you?"
"Nope." Taylor laughs, turning back to look into the mirror. "Not when it comes to 'Conbad'."
"Enough." I laugh. "What's new with you? Tell me everything!"
Taylor tells me all about her new job and I just listen. I had missed my best friend.
"Also, your brother has been acting really weird lately." Taylor remarks.
"Really? He seems fine to me."
"I don't know. Ever since the accident he has been so attentive and we've had all of these serious talks." Taylor shrugs to herself. "It just feels like something's up."
"You mean my brother is obsessed with you?" I laugh at Taylor, shaking my head. "That's the way it should be, Tay Tay. He is supposed to be all over you. Your relationship is just growing."
"I know, I know." Taylor laughs, topping off some lipstick on her lips. "Forget I said anything."
We finish touching up our hair and makeup for the day. I don't apply much because I know it will all melt off in the summer heat anyways.
"All jokes aside…" Taylor smiles. "It's nice to see you happy babe. Happy looks good on you."
"What can I say? I have the best friend in the entire world who spoils me."
I hug her and she hugs me back. She pulls away, squinting.
"Are you sure it's not because of 'Conbad'? You've had a big fat smile on your face ever since he got here." She says in the most sarcastic way possible and I throw a pillow at her.
Taylor laughs. "Just admit it. You have a lady boner for him."
"Ew, Taylor!" I burst into laughter. "Never say that again!"
"No promises." She laughs.
When we get to the Cousins Boardwalk, they ask me what I want to do first and I immediately walk us to Go Kart Racing. Conrad and the boys had won us in Go Kart Racing the last time we had been here together and never let us forget it. But today, I was determined to win and I knew Taylor was too. We get our tickets and split into two teams: boys versus girls.
Taylor and I climb into our two-seater Go Kart as Steven and Conrad climb into theirs.
"Let's kick their asses!" Taylor high-fives me as soon as we're buckled. I was the driver.
"I think you mean kiss our asses!" Steven teases her as they buckle up.
As they bicker back and forth I quickly glance at Conrad. He was already looking at me. He flashes a slight ironic kind of smile with one hand on the wheel. Our inner summer kids were coming out and we couldn't help it. When the race begins, we both laugh and slam down on the gas pedal at the same time.
It was game on.
The two-seater Go Karts were a mistake. They were much slower than the singles. Painfully slower. It did make everything more funny though. I hadn't seen Conrad laugh like this in a long time and I find myself sneaking looks at him. But that's when I made our second mistake because they win the first lap. Steven flips off Taylor and Conrad just shrugs with a playful smirk. I was determined to wipe that smirk off of his face. On the second lap, we win by a second. Taylor flips off Steven and I give Conrad the same playful smirk he gave me with a sassy hair flip. Conrad laughs and Steven rolls his eyes like a sore loser.
We race for the finish line on our third and final lap. The pressure was on. As we approach the finish line, I refuse to look at him. We had been in this exact same situation before and I wasn't going to let him win. Not today. Not on my birthday. I let off of the gas just enough to let them think they might win and they zoom past us. Then I slam down on the gas pedal to launch us forward and it works because we cross the finish line coming out ahead of them. Their faces were priceless as Taylor and I both flip them off as we claimed our victory and crossed that line.
"Sorry, what was that about kissing ass?" Taylor teases Steven as we walk away from the Go Karts.
"Oh, please. We let you win." Steven flicks her and walks past her.
Taylor laughs, catching up with him. "You've always been a sore loser."
Conrad and I laugh at them then exchange shy smiles as we follow.
"It's nice to see things haven't changed between them." Conrad laughs.
"Yeah." I laugh as we walk. "They're pretty inseparable."
"Nice win by the way." Conrad says, surprising me. "I liked your technique."
"Thanks." I laugh "So how did Laurel rope you into coming?" I laugh.
Conrad shrugs. "It's your birthday. I wanted to come."
I smile as we continue to walk.
"I just wasn't sure if you wanted me to."
"I'm glad you did." I smile at him, trying to clear the air. "It was a nice surprise."
"That was the goal." He smiles back.
There it was – that tension again as we held each other's gaze. We both look away.
"How have you been?" I make conversation as we walk. "Laurel says you're working at a new research lab this summer. Do you like it?"
"Most days." He laughs. "What about you? I hear you're working at a cafe."
"Temporarily." I laugh, feeling stupid. "I don't want to be a barista forever."
"Sounds more fun than working at a lab." He smiles, encouragingly.
I look at him. He made it so hard not to love him when he was sweet like this.
"Sorry." Conrad says, misinterpreting my lingering stare. "We don't have to talk about work if you don't want to. It's your birthday. We're supposed to have fun. Let's have fun."
"No, no. It's fine." I laugh. Then I take a deep breath before I ruin the fun. "It's just… Can we… Can we talk about the elephant in the room?"
Conrad nods. We walk next to each other, slowing our pace.
"Why… didn't you call me?" I look at him.
He takes a moment to answer. "I called you today."
"You know what I mean."
"I guess… I was waiting for you." Conrad looks at me then looks away. "I didn't want to pressure you or overwhelm you. I know that weekend was a lot for you, Belly."
I nod, his words sinking in. Then I look at him. "I wish you had."
We look in each other's eyes again – the tension was palpable.
"The phone works both ways, Belly. Why didn't you… call me?"
I didn't have an answer. He gave me one. Why couldn't I give him one? Maybe calling him would have made that weekend more real. Unlike the dreams I'd been having about him for a month straight, him standing in front of me right now was real. Maybe I was afraid of what it all meant.
Conrad:
The girls (Team Belly) win after several games of Shoot Your Shot, Laser Tag, Rock Climbing, and arcade games. Steven and I have to ride the Tower of Terror as punishment for losing. They practically force us there, Taylor pushing Steven and Belly pushing me. Steven and I lean all the way back, making it even harder for them to shove us as we all laugh. The playfulness of it all makes it feel like we're on a double date. And for a split second, I let myself pretend it is. I could see it. A life with Belly where we'd go on double dates with Steven and Taylor. A life where we'd never be too old for Great Boardwalk Showdowns. A life where I could hold her hand and be the summer kids we were at heart. Forever.
After they force us to ride The Tower of Terror, Taylor yawns and stretches out her arms dramatically.
"You good?" Belly laughs.
"Yeah, just tired." Taylor sighs. "Steven and I woke up at the ass crack of dawn to get here."
Steven nods. "Thank god for iced coffee or she would have never gotten out of bed."
Taylor rolls her eyes. "Oh, whatever. I did most of the driving."
"Most?" Steven eyes her. Taylor flips him off and they both laugh. They were cute in that way.
Steven pulls out her phone to check the time. "We should head back for dinner anyways."
Steven turns to me. "You hungry? We're going to the Country Club for Belly's birthday dinner."
The Country Club? I look at Belly and wonder if it had been her choice. Our last memory there hadn't been a great one. She avoids my eyes and I look back to Steven.
"Sure." I say.
"Alright, let's head out." Steven says, putting arm around Taylor. She rests her head against his shoulder as they walk. "You can nap in the car, sleepyhead." He kisses her forehead.
Belly and I follow closely behind. I don't feel great about the way we left things with our last conversation so I initiate a conversation with her. I look at the stuffed animal she won and smile. Ironically, they had been out of both giraffes and polar bears so her prize was a puppy instead.
"Have a name yet?" I smile, gesturing towards the stuffed animal.
"Um, I'm thinking Lucky." She says.
I can't help but laugh. "Lucky?"
It gets a laugh out of her too and I'm grateful. "I mean we did kick your ass today so I'd say I'm feeling pretty lucky." She laughs.
"I like it." I smile at her. "It's a good name."
She smiles at me then looks away.
"Although I would argue you don't need luck." I smile. "You're pretty magical on your own."
As we drive back to the house, Taylor turns up the volume on a song on the radio: "Never Really Over" by Katy Perry:
I'm losing my self control
Yeah, you're starting to trickle back in
But I don't wanna fall down the rabbit hole
Cross my heart, I won't do it again
I tell myself, tell myself, tell myself, "Draw the line"
And I do, I do
But once in a while I trip up, and I cross the line
And I think of you
Two years, and just like that, my head still takes me back
Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over
Oh, we were such a mess, but wasn't it the best?
Thought it was done, but I guess it's never really over
When we arrive at the Country Club for Belly's birthday dinner, the hostess walks us over to our reserved table. Cleveland is waiting for us and stands up from the table with a smile. He greets Laurel first.
He kisses her on the cheek. "You look nice."
Laurel smiles, "You clean up nice yourself."
Cleveland turns to Belly. "Happy Birthday! Thanks for letting me crash the party."
"It's no problem. You're part of the family." Belly smiles at the two of them.
"Conrad!" Cleveland greets me next and we pat each other's backs. It had been years since I had seen him. "The men in black." He laughs, gripping my shoulder. We both were dressed in black dress up shirts.
"It's good to see you." I laugh. Steven and Taylor greet him next before we find our seats.
I sit across the table from Belly which wasn't a great decision on my part considering I couldn't keep my eyes off of her. She was wearing a blue summer dress. It hugged her like a glove. God, that dress was doing things to me and I wasn't alone. I had caught a few guys checking her out as we had walked in and I had given them dirty looks. It took everything in me to not grab her hand and claim her as mine as we had walked past them to enter The Country Club.
The waiter comes to take our drink orders and we all order cocktails from the Susannah Specials menu to honor of my mom. When our cocktails arrive, Cleveland makes a toast.
"Cheers to another year wiser!" He says as everyone clinks their glasses.
"Cheers!" We all say.
I watch Belly take the first sip of her drink and she makes a face. Same old Belly.
When the waiter returns, Cleveland orders a little bit of everything for everyone to share.
Laurel turns to him. "That's a lot of food."
"I got it." Cleveland puts a hand on her leg. "Just enjoy tonight."
Cleveland was good for Laurel. I had always thought that. She deserved someone like him.
"Well, it's been quite the summer for you. Congratulations on your graduation." Cleveland turns to Belly after sipping more of his drink. "I'm sure Susannah would be proud."
Belly smiles to be polite but I can tell the mention of Susannah makes her sad. My mother had always gone all out for her birthdays. Even years later, birthdays and holidays just weren't the same without her.
"She would be." Laurel smiles to herself then laughs. "But honestly, I was always the one who pushed Belly to finish her degree. Susannah pushed her to go to parties and kiss dumb boys. Don't even get me started on Debutante Balls."
Everyone laughs at her sarcastic commentary. That was Laurel for you.
Steven scoffs on my left, "Mom, Conrad is sitting right here."
"Oh, Connie." Laurel laughs, looking at me. "You're the exception. You're not dumb." She swirls her drink in her hand, laughing harder. "In fact, you're the smartest boy she ever dated."
I try to hide smile. How many shots were in her drink?
"Mom." Belly laughs under her breath. "Stop. You're so not funny."
"Then why are you laughing?" Steven laughs at Belly and everyone laughs again.
"So what are your plans post-graduation?" Cleveland changes the subject. "Looking at any graduate schools?"
"Uh, no." Belly shakes her head. "I'm working at a cafe while I job hunt. I'll probably quit soon though. I'm planning on spending the summer in Cousins."
I look at her. This was news to me.
"I hope you don't feel like we're kicking you out." Cleveland chuckles nervously, looking at Laurel.
"That goes without saying." Laurel says then smiles at Belly. "It'll be good for Belly to be on her own. She needs to spread her wings and fly. She's no longer our feral little alley cat." She brushes hair behind Belly's shoulder and Belly shrinks away, embarrassed.
Steven bursts into laughter over her comment. Belly and Taylor roll their eyes at him.
"What?" Steven looks at Taylor. "It's funny."
Belly turns her attention back to Cleveland. "Actually, you couldn't have picked a better time to move in. I could really use a fresh start. It'll help me figure everything out…" She trails off.
Our eyes meet then she looks away. I keep my eyes on her.
Cleveland sighs. "I remember post-grad. It's the most confusing time of your life. Everyone keeps asking you what's next." He laughs, taking another sip of his drink. "But it's also the best time of your life. An empty chapter. A blank canvas." He smiles. "Enjoy the ride."
"You sound like a writer." Taylor laughs, sipping her drink.
"Maybe because he is." Steven teases.
Belly smiles at Cleveland. "Thanks, Cleveland. I plan to."
The food arrives and we rotate the dishes so everyone gets a fair share of everything. I push the bread and butter towards her as well as the pulled pork. I knew they were her favorites from the last time we were here. She mouths a "thank you". Taylor picks Cleveland's brain about all the places he's traveled to for his novels as we enjoy our food. He was quite the world traveler. Taylor asks him to list his top five favorite places he's ever been to and it takes him some time to answer.
"Well, let's see…" Cleveland clicks his tongue.
"Have you ever been to Spain? We're all going there in August." Taylor smiles.
This was also news to me but I was happy for them.
"Oh, Spain is lovely." Cleveland says. "I'll write down a few places that will blow your mind."
"Did you know Belly studied abroad in Spain?" Laurel mentions.
"That's right. I remember you mentioning that." He looks at Belly. "Which part?"
Belly and Cleveland talk about Spain and I find myself admiring her in a new way. The little girl I once knew was now a woman sitting in front of me. Isabel Conklin was all grown up. She had seen more of the world. She had opinions. She was educated. And more than anything, she was beautiful. The way her eyes would light up as she shared stories of her time in Spain was something I could never get tired of looking at. It made the past month without her worth it.
She was happy which made me happy.
That night as we are leaving The Country Club, I walk behind her and watch her talk with everyone. I had missed everything about her and I was taking pictures with memory every chance I got.
I feel a hand on my shoulder. It was Steven. He notices me admiring her.
"You good, man?" He smiles.
"Yeah." I force my eyes away from her and nod at him. "Today was fun."
Steven looks at me. "Yeah, it was. I hope the rest of our summers look like this."
I nod and exhale as I watch her from afar. "Me too."
"Listen… I was thinking." Steven says as we walk. "You should come with us."
I look at him. "What?"
"Our trip in August." Steven grins at me. "Come. It'll be the trip of a lifetime."
I blink. Did he just invite me on their family trip?
"Relax." Steven laughs. "It's just an invitation. It's not like you have anything better going on."
"I'm in medical school, Steven. I do have a life." I laugh.
"Just think about it is all I'm saying. But don't take too long because we have to book and everything." He laughs. "But hey, you have time to save up and request time off. It could work. You know you want to!"
I sigh and watch Belly laugh about something with Taylor and Laurel. "I'll think about it." I exhale.
"That's the Con I know!" Steven smiles, gripping my shoulder.
"I never said I'll do it." I laugh.
"You better do it." Steven laughs. "I have something special planned and I'm going to need my wingman to pull it off."
There was something behind his voice that makes me look over at him. He stops walking and he waits until everyone else is a few feet away from us in the parking lot. It took me a moment to realize he was making sure they were out of ear shot.
"I can't hold it in anymore." Steven says and I study his face. He had a serious expression. It was the most serious I'd ever seen him.
"We've known each other since we were kids. You're one of my best friends, Conrad. I want you to be the first to know." He smiles, his eyes filling with tears.
Whatever was about to come out of his mouth, I could tell it was important. Possibly even life-changing. I give him time to speak. So many emotions were hitting him all at once as he tried to find his breath and I wasn't sure why.
"I'm really doing it, Con." He looks me in the eyes and sucks in a huge breath, smiling. "I'm proposing."
Author's Note:
Thank you so much for waiting so patiently for this chapter. This story is a slow burn but I promise it's going somewhere beautiful. Bonrad only deserves the best.
Thank you for all of the support! I love you guys.