Chapter 11
Conrad:
I was going out of my mind as I sat there that morning. I knew they needed to talk. It was time. But after seeing Belly break down like that last night, it made me angry with my brother all over again. Angry about everything he had ever put her through. I felt a strong need to protect her but I knew this was something Belly and Jere had to figure out on their own. And Belly was strong. It takes a strong person to forgive what my brother had put her through and I admired her for it. I wasn't going to be able to forgive him that easily. How could I forgive my brother for doing the very thing our father had done to our mother while she was sick?
When they finally come back inside, my eyes immediately dart to her face to make sure she is okay. She doesn't smile, but she gives me a reassuring nod. My shoulders drop with relief.
"Um, I'm going upstairs." Belly says, walking past both of us. "You two should talk."
She was removing herself on purpose. When Jere's eyes meet mine, I walk past him and our shoulders brush. We weren't going to do this inside, not if Belly was around.
He follows me down to the beach and once we get there we stand in silence. I hadn't been alone with my brother in years, not since the wedding when he accidentally read mom's letter that was meant for me. We'd wasted so much time being mad at each other over the years.
"I know you hate me." Jeremiah speaks first, looking out at the water with crossed arms.
He says it in a deadpan way like he truly believed I could hate my own brother. My own blood.
"I don't hate you." I'm blunt as I look out at the water. "I hate what you did."
He looks at me then looks back out at the water. He was silent for awhile.
"Remember mom's senior quote?" Jere asks, keeping his eyes ahead.
Of course I did. Her yearbook was here in the beach house. I made sure to save things like that before Adam had sold our Boston home.
"Adventure is worthwhile in itself." Jere recites mom's senior quote out loud. He then shakes his head and laughs like it's funny. For some reason, it makes me laugh too.
"Mom always was a sucker for good quotes." I smirk.
"Mom told me about it the day you took Belly to prom." He shakes his head with crossed arms. "Here I was pissed at you for forgetting Belly's corsage and mom was reciting inspirational quotes."
I look down. It was a painful memory. Belly's prom night. The sight of our first break up.
"I kept thinking that if I would have taken her, I would have done it right. I would have given Belly the perfect prom night." Jeremiah continues, sighing. "But even when I had her to myself, I fucked things up worse than you ever did."
He takes a moment then I can feel his eyes on me. "I never understood why mom wasn't mad at you about prom. And a lot of things... But I think she knew. Mom always knew…"
I take in his words then look at him. "Knew what?"
"That you were it for Belly." His eyes meet mine and I can tell he means every word.
I look away. I was surprised he had mentioned Belly. It was a topic we often avoided.
"We both read what was in mom's letter to you, Con." Jere sighs. "Don't even try to deny it."
I look at him then look back down and we share a painful moment of silence.
"I've always been jealous of you, you know." Jere continues with a deep sigh. "You were always faster. Smarter. Better. The older brother who could do no wrong. Maybe I needed that. Someone to look up to…"
"I'm not someone to look up to." I shake my head, looking down.
"Bullshit." Jere says, making eye contact then we both look away this time.
"There are a lot of things I regret, Con." Jeremiah sucks in a breath. "One of them is not being there for you these past few years. You've always protected me. Looked out for me. You tried to save the house, protect me from dad… And I've never thanked you properly for all of that."
I look at him again when he says, "I'm sorry for being such a shitty brother."
I wasn't expecting Jere to apologize. He was similar to Adam in the way – they never liked to admit when they were wrong and when they did apologize, they were never the first to say it. But he was trying and that was something Adam had never done.
"It's not like I've been a perfect brother to you, Jere." I shrug. "I wouldn't blame you if you hated me. I'm sorry too."
"Why are you sorry?" Jeremiah scoffs. "Both engagements were doomed from the start and you know it. We both know it."
We share another moment of silence.
"Can I ask you something?" He looks at me and I nod slowly.
"Why did you come after me?" He looks me in the eye. "On the day of the wedding."
I take a moment to collect my thoughts. "You're my brother." I say. "I'll always come get you."
"Yeah, but I was marrying your girl." He says and I look away. I don't say anything else. What could I say to that? He was right.
Jeremiah sighs. "Well, everything worked out the way it was supposed to I guess. Although I will punch you if you ever try to steal my bride again."
I laugh. "That won't be a problem."
Jeremiah is quiet and as I look at him, I recognize my baby brother again. It was nice to make amends after all these years. I had genuinely missed him.
"You were always the better brother, Jere." I nod, looking at him. "Mom and dad both knew that."
Jere looks at me with tears in his eyes. I could tell it meant a lot to him to hear it from me. He had always thought I was the golden child when I was the furthest thing from it.
"Speaking of mom…" Jere wipes his eyes and clears his throat. He starts to take something out of his pocket. "This is for you."
He opens his palm and in the center lies our mother's wedding ring.
"I didn't come down to ruin the Fourth of July and create drama." Jere makes eye contact with me. "I came down to apologize to both of you and to give mom's ring back. Take it."
I felt nothing as I looked down at our mother's wedding ring. It felt like a bad omen to take it. Like I had told Belly, it was a product of a failed marriage. A broken promise. A curse. My mother had stopped wearing it for a reason at the end of her life. It meant nothing to me now.
I close his palm and make eye contact with him. "Keep it."
"I'm trying to do the right thing here, Conrad." His eyes search mine. "You're not making this easy. I'm trying to give you mom's ring back and apologize-."
"I accept your apology." I nod. "But keep it. You're getting married. You need it more than I do."
Jeremiah lowers his hand and looks down at the ring with defeat.
"Actually… I'm not." He says, turning the ring in his fingers. He puts the ring back into his pocket and it's the first time I notice his own ring finger is empty.
"I called off the engagement." Jere takes a moment to compose himself as he looks out at the water. "It's ironic really. How you get them is how you lose them… Lacie and I are done."
Lacie cheated? I wasn't expecting that. I take a moment to process the news. I wasn't expecting to feel so sorry for him. Karma was teaching him one hell of a lesson. I put my hand on his shoulder, trying to comfort him and be the good brother our mom raised me to be.
"Are you going to be okay?" I ask him after awhile as we watch the waves lap on the shore.
Jeremiah sighs heavily like someone hadn't asked him that in a long time. He starts to nod slowly. After a moment he says, "I care more about if we're going to be okay."
He was really hurting. I could see it in his eyes. I grip and massage his shoulder like Adam used to do when we were kids.
"We'll always be brothers." I make direct eye contact with him. "Nothing will ever change that."
He looks away, holding back tears. It was hard to see my brother in so much pain. We rarely confided in each other like this. Maybe today that could change. We watch the waves and I think about all of the time we spent apart mad at each other then I think about all of our good times. All of our golden summer spent here with mom. In that moment, I forgave him. I knew it was the right thing to do. It was mom would have wanted. It was time to leave the past in the past.
"You know, mom always said you were the worst at saying sorry." I laugh, shaking my head. "Today you proved her wrong. I'm glad you came. Mom would be proud of you, Jere."
"Yeah, I'd like to think so." Jeremiah looks up at the sky, sniffling then he laughs, wiping his eyes. "You know, Belly said the same thing to me."
I smirk. It was nice to hear they had made up too.
Jeremiah looks at me. "And for the record, it's nice to see you and Belly happy again."
I look at him and open my mouth to say we're not a couple but Jere rolls his eyes at me.
"I swear to God, Conrad, if you say you're friends then I really will punch you in the face."
I swallow. "We're not friends… But we're not a couple either."
"Why the hell not?"
I didn't have an answer to that question. I suppose I was waiting on Belly. I was the one always making the first move, calling her every Sunday afternoon, kissing her first. She was still holding back a part of herself and I guess I was waiting for her to be ready. It terrified me because I knew I would wait forever to have her if I had to.
"Things are different now." I let go of his shoulder and shrug, looking away. "We have a past."
"I'm sorry but that's bullshit." Jere laughs and faces me. "You're my brother. I know you better than anyone. And I know Belly. You two are meant to be, Conrad. How long is it going to take for you two to admit that to yourselves?"
"It's not that easy." I look at him. "We live far away. We have different lives-"
"Yeah, I'm sure it's not easy but it has to be a hell of a lot harder to live without her." He interrupts, looking at me. "Believe me, I know."
His words were hard to hear. We both quickly look away.
"Yeah. It's pretty much killing me." I say, looking down at the sand. "But Belly is right. We can't keep going like this. We're all we have, Jere. I don't want to let anything come-"
"She won't come in between us if that's what you're worried about." Jeremiah looks at me, interrupting. "If anything, I was the one always coming in between you two…"
I look at him and shake my head, unsure what to say to that.
"It's the truth." Jere shrugs. "Mom knew it and you know it. You've always loved her, Con."
"But we're brothers." I shake my head at him. "I don't want to repeat history."
"We won't." Jeremiah grips my shoulder like I had done to his. "I won't get in the way of you two. I just won't. I promised you that if she chose you I wouldn't come in between you that night in that shitty motel and I intend to keep my promise… even if it is years late."
I look at him, remembering that dreadful talk between us in the rain outside of that shitty motel. It was years ago but it also felt like yesterday. Sometimes memories and feelings never leave.
"This can't be easy for you." I look down at the sand. "I know you loved her."
He lets go of my shoulder and takes a moment.
"Yeah, I did." Jere says, looking straight ahead.
We don't look at each other in that moment. It was just as painful for him as it was for me to have this conversation but we both knew it had been a long time coming. It needed to be had.
"But that was a long time ago." Jere nods. "And it's pretty clear it's always been your love story, not mine."
He takes a moment before he speaks again. He wanted to get his words right.
"I'll always care about her." Jere nods. "But in a different way now. I just want her to be happy. And as your brother who cares about you, I just want you to be happy too."
"You too." I look at him. "You deserve to be happy too, Jere."
"I know." Jeremiah looks at me. "I just haven't found my Belly yet…"
"You will." I look at him and he looks at me. It was the most real moment we'd ever shared.
"I mean, who can resist these curls?" I tease him as I reach out to tug on one and he smacks my hand away, laughing. In that moment, I knew he was going to be okay. We were okay.
Jeremiah laughs. "Mom always said the fun in life is figuring out where-"
"-Where the rest of the story goes." I smirk, finishing his sentence with him.
"Well, I'm ready to find my happy ending." He looks at me and punches my shoulder. "And you two deserve to finally get your happy ending too."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was giving me his blessing and this time it felt real.
"Happy endings aren't reall." I laugh, rolling my eyes.
"I don't know." Jeremiah teases me. "Cousins has always felt pretty magical to me."
We both laugh as we watch the waves then I look at him from the corner of my eyes. I gained so much respect for my brother in that moment. He was all grown up. He was a man now. A man who righted his wrongs and I liked the Jeremiah that he was becoming. I had my brother back.
"You're definitely the better brother." I say, watching the waves then I turn to face him. "Thank you, Jere. I'm glad you came."
I hold out my arms. We never really hugged. Jere accepts it and we embrace.
"Love you, Con." Jere says in my ear as we pat each other's backs in a brotherly hug.
"Love you too." I say before I let him go.
It was the first time we had said we loved each other in years. The first time we had hugged in years. It was cathartic and healing. I knew Jere was emotional too without having to look at him. It was the closest we had felt to mom in years. I felt her there with us as we had hugged. I look to the sky and think of her. She would be proud of us for how far we'd come.
Mom was right when she had told Belly we'd all find our way back to each other eventually. All the things she had written in my letter were coming true. It was this house. It was this beach. This place. The magic of Cousins. It had never left. It had always been here. Some things just take time. I had resented time for most of my life but right now, I was grateful for it. For all of the lessons. All of the memories. It was all part of the journey. Like Cleveland said, you have to use time wisely. You only get one life.
"Alright, come on." Jeremiah throws his arm over my shoulder. "Enough brotherly bonding. I'm starving."
I watch the boys walk down to the beach through my bedroom window. Conrad led the way with Jeremiah following closely behind. When they stop at a place in the sand, I force myself to look away. It felt like an invasion of privacy. Conrad had given us time and privacy, I would give them the same.
I decide to pick up my room and make my bed to pass the time. As I fix my bed, I accidentally kick the box underneath my bed again. Conrad's birthday gift to me. I had forgotten about it until now. I stop what I'm doing and sit on the floor to bring the box all the way out. I stare at it then finally decide to open it. I figured it was time. When I take off the lid, I'm surprised at what's inside. It was full of blank envelopes with no name or anything. My fingers trace their ragged edges.
The first envelope I pick up is pale with worn corners. It had to have been a few years old. My fingers shake as I open it, careful to not rip it or ruin it. I unfold the letter to read it. It was handwritten, addressed to me from Conrad.
Dear Belly
I've resorted to writing you letters now. Is that pathetic? I just can't help but wonder where you are right now. Who you are with. If you're happy. If you ever think about that night in that shitty motel. I really hope you're happy. Really, I do. I wish I could tell you that to your face. I wish I could have told you a lot of things that night but I didn't and here we are. You're somewhere having the time of your life and I'm sitting here in my dorm room writing letters you'll never see.
Conrad
My hand covers my mouth as I take a moment after reading his letter to me. My hands shake as I reach for another envelope and open it. How many letters had he written to me over the years?
Dear Belly
Agnes and I are over. We broke up because I wasn't in love with her. It was for the best. Really. I'm not sad. Does that make me an asshole? For breaking someone's heart because I'm still stuck on you? Maybe. But that's the thing. You never told me how to live without you, Isabel. You never told me. Maybe one day I'll learn how.
Conrad
I gasp. He had been telling the truth about Agnes this whole time. I suddenly feel like a knot in my stomach for picking a fight with him last night. I stare at the box of envelopes in shock. He had given years worth of letters he had never sent to me. I reach for another and open it. I was going out of order but I didn't care. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't stop.
Dear Belly
Remember that one summer when Steven and Jeremiah spoiled Santa for you? You were crushed. You were maybe 8 or 9. You cried until Jere made up with you and gave you Starburst Candy Canes… I'll let you in on a little secret. It was my idea to get you those candy canes. I begged my mom to help us find them because I knew they were your favorite. I knew it would make you feel better. My mom told Jere he had to be the one to give them to you or he'd get grounded. You were so happy. It worked.
I'm actually have a box next to me right now. They're way too sugary but that's why you like them, huh? I hope Santa brings you everything you want this year. I would mail them to you but I don't have your new address. Merry Christmas, Isabel.
Love,
Conrad
Tears fall on the page. It was hard to read his letters. It was hard to think about all the times he had sat up late, writing letters to me while I had been under the impression he didn't care after that night in the motel. I allow myself to open up one more letter. One more was all my heart could take. Just one more.
Dear Isabel
It's been awhile since I've sat down and wrote you. Ever since Jere broke the news at the restaurant, it's been hard. I don't think I should be writing letters to an engaged woman. These letters will never see the light of day so I guess it doesn't matter right? None of it matters. I really thought we could do it. Make it to the end. But I guess we'll never know because you chose him.
I hope my brother treats you right. You deserve nothing less. You deserve the moon and the stars. Do you know that? I hope you do. I wish you knew how much I wanted to be the one to give all of that to you. It's killing me… But somehow I still don't hate you. Why can't you do something that will make me hate you? It would make all of this so much easier. It would force me to finally let you go. How do I say goodbye to infinite memories in the blink of an eye?
Love,
Conrad
I hold his letter to my heart. I squeeze my eyes shut and I let myself cry. I let myself feel all of it. I reminisce on our love story. It was all so much to take in. It was overwhelming. It was painful. It was thrilling. It was sad. But above all, his letters were beautiful. They touched me.
He had taken a risk giving me this box. He knew I could have thrown it in the ocean, burned the letters, thrown them back in his face, or never talked to him again. But how could I? These letters were living proof of the invisible string that had tied us together for all these years. It was his side of the story. Confirmation of what he had felt for me all these years. And I was afraid of what his letters were doing to my heart.
Conrad:
The Next Day
The Fourth of July
When Steven and Taylor arrive for the Fourth of July weekend, Belly and I greet them alone. We help them carry in the fireworks and booze as we all catch up. Belly and I weren't sure how they were going to react to Jeremiah so we told him it would be best if he came back later. We wanted to talk to them first. We told him to give us about an hour.
Cleveland and Laurel arrive an hour earlier than they had told us. Jeremiah's car pulls into the driveway not long after. Belly and I look through the windows then look at each other.
Shit.
"Jeremiah!" Laurel calls out with open arms as Jeremiah walks up to her. "You came!"
Belly and I make our way outside. Jeremiah and Laurel embrace in a hug then Laurel hugs him one more time.
"I've missed you, kid." She smiles at Jere then gestures towards Cleveland. "Remember Cleveland? He was at the Debutante Ball."
"How could I forget?" Jeremiah hugs Cleveland next.
Cleveland plays along then looks at Belly and I over Jere's shoulder with a funny look. We had forgotten he knew about Jere's engagement. He had overheard it during Belly's birthday weekend on the yacht. Belly and I look at him with an uneasiness. This was already a shitshow.
Steven and Taylor come down the stairs and make their way outside. When they see Jeremiah, their faces drop. Everyone greets each other. Steven and Taylor ignore Jeremiah but Cleveland keeps Laurel busy. She doesn't notice as they carry their belongings inside. As soon as they carry in the last of their things inside, Steven shuts the front door behind them.
"I didn't know Jeremiah was invited." Steven says, tight-lipped. Taylor glares at Jeremiah too.
"Before you say anything, I came here to-" Jeremiah starts but Taylor cuts him off first.
"Save it, Jeremy." Taylor shakes her head. "You've caused enough drama. Don't ruin this weekend too."
Jeremiah shuts his mouth. I think it hurt him more to hear it from Taylor as they used to be close.
Belly sighs. "Taylor. Steven. Give him a chance."
Steven looks at Belly with narrow eyes. "What? Why are you defending him?"
Taylor looks at me. "Did you invite him?"
Jeremiah speaks up. "No, Conrad didn't invite me. I didn't come down for the Fourth of July. I came here to apologize."
"For what?" Steven crosses his arms. "For getting engaged to the girl you cheated on my sister with? Or to uninviting us to your wedding?"
Taylor looks at Steven then looks at Jeremiah. Steven was not the type to hold grudges like this.
"Laurel's here." I step in. "We should do this somewhere else."
Steven nods, agreeing. "Yeah, how about the beach?" He glares at Jeremiah.
He does it on purpose. To make Jeremiah remember their last encounter on the beach. Jeremiah winces and looks down at the ground.
"Take what to the beach?"
Everyone turns around to see Laurel standing near the garage. She had something in her hands that she sets down. She walks up to use and everyone stares at her in shock. How much had she overheard?
"Mom." Belly breathes in shock.
Laurel looks at everyone's faces then looks at Belly. "What the hell is going on here, Isabel?"
Belly opens then closes her mouth.
Jeremiah looks at Laurel. "I fucked up."
Everyone looks at Jeremiah. He was brave to face Laurel's wrath. I could tell Steven and Taylor were impressed.
"Can I talk to you?" Jere asks Laurel.
Laurel wears a stone cold face. She looks at all of us then nods at Jere. He follows her and they walk away together. Everyone stands there frozen in shock. When Belly and I turn back around to face Steven and Taylor, their faces relax but I can tell they are still pissed about everything.
"What is going on?" Steven looks at us. "Why is he here?"
"He came to apologize." Belly looks at him.
"And you forgave him just like that?" Steven shakes his head.
"He gave Susannah's ring back to Conrad." Belly says.
Steven looks at her then at me. "Is that true?"
I nod. "Yeah, it's true."
Taylor purses her lips. "But he's marrying Lacie."
Belly takes a deep breath. "They're not getting married."
Steven and Taylor's eyes flicker between our faces.
"I need a second." Steven says and leaves us in the driveway. I could tell he felt left out and upset but I knew he wouldn't want us to come after him either. He was like Belly in that way.
Taylor watches Steven go back inside then walks up to Belly. She reachers for her hand and holds it.
"Are you okay, Cinderbelly?" She asks, holding her hand.
Belly sighs. "As okay as I can be."
"Don't worry. He'll get over it." Taylor says, looking at both of us. "But I have to say… I'm kind of hurt too. Why didn't you tell us? You could have said something."
"Jere just showed up yesterday." Belly shrugs. "It all happened so fast. We were planning on telling you today-"
"We wanted to talk to you both in person." I defend Belly. "And Jere wanted to apologize to both of you in person."
Taylor nods slowly. "Well, I guess I forgive you then."
Belly smiles and they both hug. When they let go, Taylor comes over to me and gives me a side hug. Belly laughs at the sight of it. It was no secret Taylor and I had never been close.
"Thank you." Taylor whispers before letting me go. I nod. I wasn't sure what she was thanking me for but I knew it took a lot for Taylor to say anything remotely nice to me. Maybe Steven was right. Taylor didn't hate me anymore.
Eventually, Jeremiah and my mother come back inside. Steven looks at Jeremiah then walks away, shaking his head. Laurel gathers everyone in the main living room and sits down next to Cleveland. No one makes eye contact with her as we all sit down too.
"You okay?" Cleveland whispers as he reaches for her leg and squeezes it. Laurel just nods.
My mother takes a moment before she speaks. I could feel one of her lectures coming. I could feel the tension in the room. The room is silent as we wait for her to say something.
"Well, I have to say I'm disappointed in all of you for lying to my face for months. I knew something was up." Laurel starts. "Beck and I raised you better than that."
Everyone is quiet as we take in her words.
"And I… I know life has been hard ever since we lost Beck." Her voice catches at the word Beck and Cleveland rubs her back. Laurel looks down. "Sometimes it feels like it was just yesterday."
I look at Conrad and Jeremiah's face. I could feel the pain on their faces and have to look away.
"But we're a family." Laurel sits up. "Families talk. Families work it out. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to talk." Laurel looks at each of us one by one.
"Mom, we're not kids. We're not going to have a therapy circle." Steven says in a low voice.
"What would Beck want?" Laurel shoots him a look and Steven shuts up.
"Who wants to go first?" Laurel sighs. "We're doing this whether you want to or not."
"I'll- I'll go first." Jeremiah swallows. Laurel nods at Jeremiah and he starts.
Jeremiah apologizes to everyone. He does the hard and right thing. I watch everyone's faces soften as he apologizes for everything over the years. He even apologizes to my mother for how he handled our engagement and her face softens for him. For once, he wasn't being glib, he was being mature. He was owning up to all of his mistakes and it was genuine. I watch everyone's faces soften for him. No one could stay mad at Jere forever. He was charming. He was our Jerebear.
Everyone gets a turn. Cleveland offers sound advice to Steven and Jeremiah. Jeremiah makes up with Steven and they hug. I can see how much it means to my brother because he was teary-eyed then they both look away. Taylor and Jeremiah make up. He asks her if she is always going to call him Jeremy and she says duh. Everyone laughs. Conrad and Jeremiah had already forgiven each other but they apologize to each other again and it was nice to see them hug. As awkward as family fights can be, it wasn't awkward. We were turning a new leaf and it felt good. It was what Beck would have wanted. We were a family again. It felt right. It felt whole again.
Cleveland looks at me next. "What about you, Belly? Anything you want to share?"
My mom looks at Cleveland then at me. I could feel everyone's eyes turn to me. I feel a lump in my throat.
"I'm sorry too." I nod. "But most of all, I'm just really happy we're here. I'm glad we're all together for Susannah's favorite holiday."
My mom smiles and mouths "proud of you, Bean" and I smile back at her.
"And we're all here because of you." Conrad looks at me.
"Con's right." Jeremiah adds. "Thank you, Bells."
I smile at both of them. Susannah was right. We'd all make our way back to each other eventually. Something broken inside my heart feels whole again. It brings tears to my eyes.
"Who's hungry?" Cleveland smiles. "Laurel and I stopped by the store. We got some good stuff-"
Steven laughs. "Nah, Taylor and I got the good stuff." He motions towards the alcohol on the kitchen counter.
"Tequila?" Jeremiah looks at Steven and he nods.
Jeremiah leans forward to give him a fist bump. It was nice to see them get along again. My brother wasn't the type to hold on to grudges.
My mom laughs. "If you make those damn pomegranate margaritas, you're cleaning it up. All of you."
Every Fourth of July in Cousin's was about traditions and today I planned to keep it that way. Mom and Cleveland prepared the barbeque. Steven, Taylor, Jeremiah, and I all played volleyball in the pool. It was Taylor and I versus Steven and Jeremiah. Things were back to normal again. For a moment, it felt like no time had passed like we were still the same old summer kids and Susannah would walk through the door any moment with snacks.
"You guys are going down!" Jeremiah laughs as he serves the volleyball over the net.
"In your dreams!" Taylor giggles. When she hits the volleyball, it goes over the fence.
"Tay!" Steven laughs, making fun of her. "You have got to stop doing that."
"But I like watching you get out of the pool." Taylor winks at Steven.
They swim closer and she ducks under the volleybal net to kiss him. I look away. As much as I loved them together, it didn't mean I had to watch them make out.
Jeremiah laughs. "I'll get the ball this time." He gets out of the pool to go find the volleyball.
I take the time to quickly run inside for a cold beverage but I end up running straight into Conrad. He had his swimming shorts on and it makes me laugh.
"You're playing?" I raise a brow.
Conrad smirks. "Maybe."
"This is for you." He offers me the pomegranate margarita in his hands. It sounded so good right now. It was hot today. I take the drink from him and our fingers brush. We both look at each other.
My mom walks in past us, startling our moment.
She laughs, eyeing the drink. "I hope you know what you're getting yourself into, Connie." She laughs. "Belly should be banned from those."
"Mom!" I laugh at her as she walks back outside with a plate then I look back at Conrad.
"Cheers." Conrad clinks his drink to mine. "To kicking their ass."
I laugh. "You're on my team?"
"Always." He winks.
Conrad serves everyone pomegranate margaritas and they tasted even better than last time. The drinks were sweating from the sun faster than we could down them.
Taylor groans. "Why is it so hot today?"
Steven laughs. "Told you you needed sunscreen."
Taylor flips him off and we both laugh at Steven's face.
"Here. I'll make some more drinks to cool us down." Jeremiah says, climbing out of the pool.
"Thanks, Jeremy!" Taylor giggles.
"Hey, what about the game?" Steven asks him.
"Con can sub!" Jeremiah says, drying off with a towel. "I need a break."
Conrad was helping Cleveland at the barbeque. He turns around and nods.
Steven turns to Taylor with an evil smile. "Oh, you're both going down now!"
"In your dreams!" Taylor giggles. "Wait." She looks at me. "I have a better idea. Why don't we play chicken?"
I press my lips together then look at Conrad. He was taking off his shirt and I force myself to look away. "Um, sure."
"What are you? Twelve?" Steven laughs at Taylor. "You're just scared that we're going to kick your ass in volleyball!"
Taylor rolls her eyes. "Come on. It's tradition. We always play chicken."
Steven sighs. "Fine. Just a few rounds. My arms are tired."
"Maybe if you worked out your weak arms more, you wouldn't be so tired." I tease Steven and Taylor laughs.
Conrad gets into the pool and swims over to me.
"Ready?" He smirks with romantic wet hair.
I blush and nod. He lowers himself into the water and lifts me onto his shoulders. Conrad had always been strong but he was even stronger now. His body was taller and more muscular. He lifted me like I was as light as a feather – as light as a doll. I had never felt insecure around him and I loved him for it. His shoulders were solid and sturdy as I sat on them. It was surreal to be close to him like this. He wraps his arms around my legs once I'm in position and it sends electric jolts through me.
"Ready?" He asks me from below.
"Ready." I laugh. "Just don't let go."
"Never." Conrad's thumb circles my leg.
It was the same thing we had said to each other the weekend of my birthday when we had jumped off Cleveland's yacht into the open ocean. The day he had kissed me. I can't help but smile as we makes our way over to Steven and Taylor.
"Let the games begin!" Steven grins at us.
As we play, the song blasting on the radio is Swimming Pools by Francis On My Mind:
Everyday is summer, summer
We're still burning up when the sun goes down
Oh, you make me wonder, wonder
How I'm gonna live when you're not around
But here I am floating like it's a blue dream
And I've always loved the smell of chlorine
Holding my breath, I hope you don't leave
This might be just what I need
'Cause baby
You got eyes like swimming pools
I could dive right into you
I don't know how deep they go
But if I don't try then I'll never know
So I'm diving, right into you
Diving into your swimming pools
After a few rounds of playing chicken, Conrad and I are the winners. I lean down to high five him but I end up falling into the water, sliding off of his shoulders. Conrad helps me stand back up on my feet and we share a moment with our faces inches apart. We were both laughing so hard and it occurs to me that it was the happiest I had been in a long time. We were having fun.
"Kids! Food's ready!" Laurel calls out from the back door. "Let's eat inside. It's too hot today."
Steven and Taylor get out of the pool, holding hands and kissing. Steven wraps a towel around Taylor and they walk inside.
"Ready?" Conrad holds a hand out for me underwater.
He was making so many moves today. It was hard to resist him. I blush and take his hand as he helps me get out of the pool. I feel self-conscious as I climb out and walk in front of him to find my towel. I was regretting wearing this bikini Taylor had surprised me with. I search for my towel and can't find it.
Conrad notices and holds up his towel, offering it to me. I smile and he wraps his towel around my shoulders. He gently untucks my wet hair so it doesn't get pulled by the towel. It was sweet gestures like this that made me hold my breath. Little moments like this with him that made me want to dive right into the deep end with him.
"There." Conrad winks. "Perfect."
The way he is looking at me makes me feel self-conscious like he is admiring me. I wrap his towel around my body to hide myself from him and it smells just like him.
"You don't have to hide from me." Conrad whispers, stepping away. "I've seen all of you. You're beautiful."
Conrad:
It was the best Fourth of July I'd had since my mom passed. The Conklins just made it feel like home. They were my home. Jere and I's true family. And Belly had put in so much effort to make it special. She baked a cake, decked out the whole house in Fourth of July decor, and helped with the whole Jeremiah thing. I hope she knew what I had said earlier was how I truly felt. We all wouldn't be here without her.
As I snuck looks at her throughout the dinner, I found myself wondering how I was going to be able to leave. When I held her in the pool, I had a hard time keeping my thoughts to myself. I just wanted to be around her always. She made everything better. Belly was the magic of Cousin's. The light of my life.
After dinner, we enjoy Belly's cake for dessert.
Cleveland smiles. "Belly, this is amazing. You have to give your mom the recipe so she can make it for me… Every single night."
Belly laughs. "Thanks. But this is nothing compared to Susannah's cakes. Hers were the best."
Jeremiah nods in agreement. "They really were."
"You baked this?" Taylor laughs. "Damn, I thought it was from the store."
"Yeah, I guess it's nice." Steven teases Belly as he downs his drink. We had all lost count on how many drinks we'd had but it was the Fourth of July. There was no such thing as too much around here.
Belly laughs. "Coming from the one who used salt instead of sugar."
"She got you there!" Jeremiah bursts into laughter.
After dessert, Jeremiah forces everyone to go down to the beach and do fireworks. He always liked to show off. Steven, Jeremiah, and I launch the bigger ones while Taylor and Belly do sparklers and smaller fireworks. I look over at Belly as she sends each one off with a smile. Her cheeks were sunburnt, popping with freckles, as were her shoulders. I had always loved her freckles.
Eventually, I make my way back inside to grab a drink and to my surprise Taylor is there. We were alone and it was awkward to say the least. I nod at her then grab a beer. When I shut the refrigerator, Taylor looks at me with crossed arms. She looked like she had something to say.
"What are your intentions with my best friend?" Taylor eyes me.
Her question catches me off guard. I choose my words carefully as I open my beer.
"What has she told you?"
"Nothing." Taylor says. "That's how I know something is up. We tell each other everything."
I nod. "If I knew what we were I would tell you."
"Really? What kind of answer is that?" She rolls her eyes as I sip my beer.
"The truth."
"Steven says you love her." Taylor tilts her head. "Are you still trying to deny that?"
"No." I look her in the eyes. "But it's not just about what I want. It's what Belly wants too."
Taylor watches me for a moment. I knew she wasn't expecting that kind of answer.
"Steven's right." Taylor uncrosses her arms, sipping her drink. "You're not always an asshole."
"Most of the time I am." I take another swig of beer and she laughs.
"Yeah, you kind of are." Taylor laughs then downs the rest of her drink. I could tell she had something else on her mind. Something was eating away at her. She sighs.
"You know, I thought I was protecting my best friend in the entire world." Taylor looks down. "But really I was pushing her to be with someone who was hurting her. Hurting her more than you ever did. I was wrong about you."
Was she apologizing to me? I wasn't expecting that.
Taylor looks at me. "I guess I had the wrong brother… I'm sorry."
"You were being a good friend, Taylor." I shrug. "And I did things that were out of line-"
"Were you out of line though?" Taylor tilts her head again. "Stop trying to be the good guy for once, Conrad. Sure we've all forgiven Jere but I'll never forget what he did to my best friend."
I think about her words and take another sip of my beer to fill the empty silence. Taylor sighs.
"Can I just ask you something?" She cups her drink in her hand.
I look back up at her.
"Do you really want to be with her?" Her eyes search mine. "Because I can't take all of this back and forth with you two. It's exhausting. You either love my best friend or you don't."
"Of course I do."
"Then promise me something."
"Taylor, we don't have to do this right now-"
"Promise me you won't break my best friend's heart, Conrad." Taylor looks at me. "Losing Jeremiah was hard but losing you would crush her. Promise me you'll take care of Belly. I just need to hear you say it."
I let out a deep breath then nod. "I promise."
We hold eye contact then we both look away, taking another sip of our drinks.
"Did you know Belly and I made a pact to never go back to our first love?" Taylor laughs, looking down.
I look at her again.
"I broke the pact first. Obviously." Taylor laughs, shaking her head. "But it's different with Steven. I guess it's true what they say…" She looks at me. "You never get over your first love."
I knew what she was getting at. I look away and take another sip of my beer.
Taylor sighs. "This is probably all the margaritas talking but I just want my best friend happy. If you're what makes Belly happy then I give her permission to break the pact too. Just don't make me regret this."
I look at her. Taylor had always been a good friend to Belly, even if she did hate me. I could see that now.
"Thank you for being good to her." I say. "Belly's been through a lot and you've always been loyal to her."
"Oh, please." Taylor snorts. "I didn't do it for you."
"I know." I say. "But thank you."
"You've been loyal too. Steven tells me you never date anyone." Taylor grins, waving her drink in the air. "I hate to say it but you've always been whipped for our girl."
"Yeah, I guess so." I laugh.
"See you out there?" Taylor smiles.
I nod. "See you out there."
Before she walks back outside, she turns back around. "Oh and let's keep this between us, okay? I don't need Steven knowing that I like you now. He'll make us go on cheesy double dates and shit."
I laugh. "You have my word."
"And thank you for being good to Steven." She nods. "Thank you for being there for him the night of our accident. He told me how you drove Belly all that way and stayed up all night to make sure I was okay... Thank you."
"You guys are family." I say. "I'll always be there for family."
Everyone starts to crash and we weren't even halfway through the fireworks yet. Everyone was sunburnt and exhausted.
"Time for bed?" Steven kisses Taylor and she nods. They knew each other well. Connected at the hip.
"I think I'm going to head in too." Jere yawns. "I'm wiped."
We all say goodnight. Steven and Taylor leave with Jeremiah following them taking all of the fireworks away. My mom and Cleveland stay with me. My mom surprises me when she wraps her arms around me.
"I'm proud of you, Bean." She smiles. "You're all grown up."
"Thanks, mom." I rest my head on her shoulder as we watch other houses' fireworks. Cleveland gives us some space.
"Jeremiah told me what you did today." She looks at me. "Beck would be proud of who you're becoming. I'm proud of you and the boys. You're all so grown up."
My mom didn't let her guard down much and it was nice to hear those words come from her. I smile at her.
"I know I'm hard on you and your brother." She sighs. "But just know I just want what's best for you. I just want all of you kids to be happy. I'm always here for you."
"I know." I say and she kisses me on the forehead.
"Happy Fourth, Bean." She says as she pulls me in for a hug. "I love you. So does Beck..."
"Happy Fourth, mom." I squeeze her tight. "Love you too."
My mom lets me go then tucks my hair behind my ears. "Don't stay up too late. It's bad for your health."
I laugh. "Go to bed, mom."
Cleveland nods as Laurel joins him. "Goodnight, Belly."
"Goodnight." I say to both of them. I watch them walk away together, holding hands then turn back to the sky.
I watch the fireworks alone on the beach for awhile then I decide to walk back when it starts to get chilly. Most of the lights in the house were off by now. It was pitch black outside. As I walk back to the beach house, I notice someone standing at the pier. I wasn't sure if he could see me in the darkness but I feel compelled to go to him.
I walk down the pier under a sky lit up by fireworks. Reds. Whites. Blues. Yellows. Greens. I could hear families and kids shouting at all of the other houses. People went all out in Cousin's. It was the best time of year and Cousin's always had the best views. It was a magical time of year.
His back is to me as I approach him at the end of the pier. I come up behind him on his left and I stand beside him. The exact spot we had stood on that one Fourth of July where we had almost kissed.
"Well, that went well." I say and he looks at me.
"Yeah, I think so." Conrad smirks, looking at the sky then he looks back at me. "Thank you for everything you did today, Belly. I meant what I said earlier. Thank you."
I smile. "It's Susannah's favorite holiday." Then I look at him. "It was the least I could do. I miss her."
"Me too." Conrad says, looking back at the sky.
I admire him from the corner of my eye. He was still the same little boy, just all grown up now. And he was sunburnt. His golden tan and dark locks were luring me in. In that moment, I make a rash decision to bring up the letters. I was ready to confront him. Talk to him about them. Drunk or not, it was now or never.
"Can I ask you something?" I whisper and he turns to look at me.
"Anything." He looks me in the eyes.
"Why didn't you send me your letters?" I look at him.
I watch his face. He knows I had opened his birthday gift. Conrad looks back to the sky and he takes a moment to collect himself. He closes his eyes then opens them again. It was killing me that he wasn't saying anything.
"Were you embarrassed?" I whisper. "Like with the infinity necklace?"
"No." He whispers back.
"Then why didn't you send them to me?" I look at him with sad eyes and he finally looks at me.
He swallows. "I wasn't embarrassed. I just didn't think you wanted anything to do with me… I started writing you those letters a long time ago, Belly."
"After the night of the shitty motel." I say and he nods without looking at me.
His face and words break my heart. If only he knew.
"Well, you're wrong." I say as I turn to face the sky.
He looks at me and I look at him.
"I never stopped caring about you." I whisper. "Or wondering about you."
"I know." Conrad shakes his head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have given them to you. I just-"
"So you regret it?" I look at him, feeling hurt.
This wasn't something he could just take back and he knew it. His letters were so much deeper than that.
Conrad looks at me and lets out a breath. "No… I don't regret giving them to you, Belly. Or writing them."
Conrad and I look at each other for a moment, his eyes locked on mine. He steps closer to me.
"Do you?" His eyes search mine. "Do you regret reading them?"
"No." I whisper. "I don't. I just wish you would have sent them. Maybe it would have... changed things."
Conrad and I look at each other in a familiar way. He inches closer to me, his eyes asking for permission. His face is just inches away from mine and I begin to panic. As his body gets closer to mine, I feel like I can't breathe. What was I doing? What were we doing? My heart races.
"Conrad, what are you-" I whisper in panic.
"Something I should have done a long time ago." Conrad shakes his head, looking at me.
He was referring to the night we almost shared our first kiss. It had been the Fourth of July too. Conrad tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and cups my face. His eyes flash to my lips then my eyes. I watch the fireworks dance in his eyes and it hits me. He was going to do it. He was going to kiss me. And not only was I going to let him but I was going to kiss him back. I couldn't hold back anymore, not after reading his letters.
Conrad leans in slowly and presses his lips to mine. It was a sweet reunion. A firework of a kiss. Electric jolts. He kisses me then pulls away to look at me with our foreheads touching. We both smile at each other, feeling the same feeling, before he kisses me again. And I melt for him on that pier like a popsicle on the Fourth of July.
Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! It had a lot of nods to Season One's Fourth of July episode. Love you guys! Thank you for reading along.