Chapter 19

October

One Month Later

I wait for him outside of the hospital under the fall foliage.

My mind takes a trip down memory lane to the October where he had shown up unannounced on my doorstep. It was a night my heart would never forget. The electric jolts I felt when I opened the door to find the Conrad Fisher on my doorstep after months of phone calls. His nervous smile. The candy he had bought just for me in his hand. The words he had spoken and finally the long awaited kiss sealing our fate. We could finally be together. I smile as memory plays in my mind like it was just yesterday because in a lot of ways it felt like it was.

This fall it was my turn to finally surprise him.

Conrad had been pretty busy wrapping up his final year of medical school and his subinternship. Weekends were the only time we got to see each other in person. I knew it wasn't fair to always make him drive to come see me so this Halloween weekend I took a few days off of work to come visit him instead. He had no idea I was coming and I couldn't wait to see the look on his face. We had been planning on going on a fall date for awhile but we both knew his schedule wouldn't allow it. Conrad never made me feel like he was too busy for me though. He called me every single night without fail and somehow we never ran out of things to talk about. We had even fallen asleep on facetime a couple of times. The last month with Conrad had been effortless. Things between us had never felt so right. Two hearts finally finding their way back home to each other. And it was crazy to think that in a few months we would be coming home to each other every night. Well, if everything worked out with him matching to a residency program near Cousins. I tried not to think too far ahead. I tried to just enjoy the now with him because that was all we had control over.

It starts to get dark and I keep checking my phone as I wait for them outside of the hospital. I had texted Nate letting him know I was coming down to surprise Conrad for the weekend and because I had no idea what time they would be done tonight. Their hospital hours were all over the place but I knew they carpooled to save money so I told him to text me when they were leaving. It's not long until I hear Nate's voice as they walk out and my phone lights up.

"Man, what a day." Nate sighs loud enough for me to hear. "Oh by the way you don't have to give me a ride. Agnes is on her way. I'll probably just crash at her place tonight."

"Cool." Conrad replies and just the sound of his voice lights me up inside.

As they continue to walk Nate starts to tell Conrad about the Halloween party Agnes is throwing this weekend and Conrad pretends to act interested. Nate was likely just trying to buy me time. I keep myself hidden as I sneak over to the corner of the hospital building to surprise him. Their voices get closer and my heart races with built up anticipation. I felt giddy. I felt alive. My body starts to hum just from his presence alone. Conrad had always had that effect on me.

"What about you? Do you have any plans this weekend?" Nate grins even though he already knows the answer.

Conrad shrugs, holding onto his backpack strap with one hand. "Not really."

When they reach the corner I'm hidden behind, I jump out to surprise Conrad but his back is to me. He doesn't see or hear me at first but Nate does. Nate just laughs at me.

"Actually, I think you do." He looks past him, nodding in my direction to get him to look at me.

When Conrad turns around, our eyes meet and it's like time stands still. It had been about two weeks since we had last seen each other and he looked even better than I had remembered. I had never seen Conrad in scrubs in person. Sometimes when we would facetime I would catch glimpses but I had never seen him in scrubs up close like this before. They flattered him. He was wearing a brown winter coat on top and his hair was long. Almost as long and dark as that first summer where we became something more. My heart does somersaults in my chest as I admire him. My Conrad. My boyfriend. I had missed everything about him that there is to miss about a person.

Conrad just blinks like he can't believe that it's actually me standing there in front of him.

"Belly?" The corners of his mouth turn up out of surprise.

"Surprise!" I laugh, feeling shy and nervous all of a sudden. "Happy Halloween!"

Then Conrad drops everything including his backpack to close the distance in between us. He lifts me into the air to spin me around and it feels like no time has passed as we reunite.

"What are you doing here?" He laughs as he spins me and I can't help but laugh too.

When he sets me back down on my feet he takes my face in his hands and he kisses me. It's the kind of kiss that takes your breath away. He smiles as we kiss and I think to myself whatever version of Conrad this was I wanted to remember him exactly as he was right now. I wanted to make him this happy forever. We were the best versions of ourselves tonight.

"And that's my cue." Nate laughs awkwardly from behind us.

Conrad and I both turn around to face him. We had almost forgotten he was still there.

"It's really nice to finally meet you, Belly Bell Bells." Nate laughs. "It's about time you come visit Con. He's really cranky when he doesn't get to see you."

Conrad just rolls his eyes at Nate, shaking his head in response.

"It's nice to meet you too." I laugh. "Thanks for helping me surprise him."

"Anytime." Nate winks then he looks back at the car that just pulled up. "I better go." He starts to walk backwards. "But hey! You're both invited to the party this weekend! See you there?!"

I smile at Conrad then I smile back at Nate. "We'll definitely make an effort to stop by."

"Please do." Nate jokes. "Conrad never wants to go anywhere but to Cousins to see you." Then he waves. "Alright, I'll catch you two later!" He gets into the car and they drive away.

I look up at Conrad and he is already looking down at me. His hair falls into his eyes and his eyes twinkle with love. I can feel it in the air between us. I can feel it in the silence. Just one look from him was all it took for my entire body to hum for him and for my heart to swell for him.

"Come here." He smirks then he picks me up and lifts me in the air to kiss me again.

It was crazy how much more in love we had fallen over the past month. How easy it was for us to fall back into that rhythm whenever we saw each other. You can know someone your whole life yet still rediscover new and old things to love about each other. We were as giddy as little kids and I think that was one of my favorite parts about our relationship. We could bring out the best in each other. Bring out each other's inner child. He sets me back down on my feet.

"I can't believe you're here." He can't stop smiling as he says it as he fixes my windswept hair.

"Neither can I." I blush. "Did I do good? Are you surprised?"

"Are you serious?" He laughs as he leans in closer to me. "This is already the best Halloween I've ever had." He whispers against my lips before he gives me another kiss.

We couldn't keep our hands off of each other. One of the best parts about long distance is how it feels to finally reunite with your person. I guess distance does make the heart grow fonder.

"Happy Halloween, Dr. Fisher." I say after I kiss him back then I take his hand and walk him over to the bench. We both sit down and I set a box in his lap. "Okay, one more surprise."

I knew Conrad wasn't a big candy guy but I had to do something nice for him. It was Halloween! I couldn't show up empty handed on Halloween. Besides, he was always bringing me gifts whenever he came to visit so I wanted to return the favor. Inside of the box were two caramel apples. The reviews said they were the best in town and nothing screamed fall more than caramel apples. Plus it was paying homage to our first date as kids. A nod to when he had bought me a candy apple on the boardwalk the day he won me Junior Mint. I could tell he had made the same connection in his head when he looks back up at me with a huge smirk.

"I have to say I'm surprised they're not coated with Sour Patch Kids." He teases me.

I laugh and tease him back. "Sorry, they were all sold out of those."

Conrad just laughs at me then he smiles. "Thank you, Belly. This is really cute."

"Oh yeah?" I raise a brow. "How cute?"

His eyes flash to my lips and it makes my heart beat faster. "Pretty damn cute."

"Cute enough to take me on a fall date?" I wink.

"Well, you're always cute enough for that." He laughs. "What did you have in mind?"

"Well." I exhale, looking at the night sky above us as I stand up and he stands up with me. "I was planning on having our date be tonight since it's Halloween and all but I know it's getting late and you're probably exhausted. So how about we go on a date when you get off of work tomorrow?" I pick up the box of candy apples. "And tonight we can just eat our candy apples and have a scary movie marathon or something?"

"Scary movie marathon, huh?" Conrad smirks, holding my hand.

"You heard me." I laugh.

"Okay." He leans in closer. "But I have one requirement."

"Okay."

"You have to cuddle me during all of the scary parts." He stares at my lips. "Or else."

The tension grows between us. "Or else what?"

"Or else I get to have my way with you." His eyes flash back to mine. "That's the deal. Take it or leave it."

"Hmm." I step closer, maintaining eye contact. "Careful. I might just have to take you up on that. It is Halloween after all."

Conrad just laughs and shakes his head. "Same old Belly."

Then he leans down to kiss me and he sighs, tracing my cheek. "I've missed you."

We make pasta for dinner that night in his apartment and we watch scary movie reruns that are playing on TV. And I have to admit it was strange to finally see where he had been living for so long. It almost felt foreign to me. He had a whole other life here. I found my eyes wandering from the TV screen to the walls and to the kitchen. I could tell Nate had done most of the decorating and had picked out the furniture because it didn't feel like Conrad's style. We cuddle under a large blanket and enjoy our caramel apples as the movies progressively get more intense. Although I wasn't a huge scary movie person I didn't care because spending time with him was all I cared about. We end up talking and kissing through most of the movies anyways.

After I use the bathroom during a commercial break, I see an open bedroom door across the hall and I find myself gravitating towards it. I could just tell it was his room. I recognized the wallpaper from our facetimes. I step inside to take a closer look. It was more mature from his bedroom in Cousins but it still felt like him. It even smelled like him, like the ocean and a warm musky cologne mixed together. Everything had a place in Conrad's bedroom. His medical textbooks were tucked away neatly on a bookshelf. His school notebooks were labeled and stacked in a corner on his deck right next to his laptop. He had art on the wall above his bed spaced evenly apart. Even his bed was neatly made. It was like getting a glimpse into his own private world. Inside of his mind. On his nightstand there is a picture of him, Susannah, and Jere from Thanksgiving a few years ago. And right next to that is a framed picture he had taken of me. I had never seen the picture before but I remembered the exact moment he had taken the picture with his phone. It was during our rooftop tour of the Cathedral in Spain. I smile as I pick it up to admire it. He had gotten it framed?

"I love that picture of you."

I turn around startled to find Conrad leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed.

"Sorry." I set it down, feeling intrusive. "I just-" I look around. "I just found myself in here."

"Don't be." Conrad smiles as he walks in. "I mean, it's not much but this is it. This is my room."

I nod as I look around then I point to the art above his bed. "Is that you surfing?"

"No." Conrad laughs as he sits down on his bed. "But it reminds me of Cousins. I try to keep little things in here that make me happy." He nods to himself. "You have to keep yourself sane somehow when you're spending hours of your life studying inside of a room."

"I like what you've done with this place." I sit down next to him on the bed. "It feels very-" I pause, looking for the right word. "Very you." I smile at him. "A home away from home."

Conrad smiles back at me then he stands up. "Wait here."

He walks out of the bedroom then he comes back in with a cardboard box. It was stacked full of random momentos and pictures. He walks over to the bed and sits down with it at his feet.

"I found this box in the garage before Adam sold the house in Boston." He explains then he laughs as he reaches for a picture and he hands it to me. "Remember this?"

I start to die of laughter. It was the year he and Jere had dressed up as superheroes as kids. Jeremiah was spiderman and Conrad was batman. They are both holding trick or treat bags and doing the classic superhero poses. I remembered my mom showing Steven and I the pictures.

"How could I forget?" I laugh. "Steven was so jealous of your costumes that year."

"Do you want to know what you were that year?" He smirks, poking fun at me.

"A princess?" I try to think fast but he shakes his head no.

"A pumpkin." He says flat and we laugh even harder.

"Hey!" I defend myself as the memory comes back to me. My homemade pumpkin costume. "Steven and I made our own costumes that year. I would say they turned out pretty great given the small budget my mom gave us." I laugh, rolling my eyes.

Conrad just holds his hands up in defense. "I never said that they weren't." He laughs.

"Right." I shake my head as I look back down at the picture then I sigh with a smile. "Have you heard much from Jere lately? How is he doing after everything with Adam?"

"Yeah. Actually, we've texted almost every other week." Conrad nods and I'm surprised to hear it. "He's doing okay." Conrad pauses as he looks at me. "He, uh, he met someone."

I blink, looking back up at him. "Really?"

"Yeah." He nods. "I've wanted to say something but I wasn't sure if it would be weird or not."

"Not at all. I'm happy to hear that actually. I think Susannah would be happy to hear that too."

I look back at the picture of the three of them on his nightstand and his eyes follow mine. I pick up the picture and we are both silent as we look at it. It had been our last Thanksgiving with her.

"I remember this like it was yesterday." I laugh. "Susannah was so happy that day. Steven even got her to say motherfucker over Thanksgiving dinner." Conrad laughs with me too.

"Yeah." He nods. "I'm glad we got to experience one last holiday together as a family."

I look up at him. It was sweet how he always said my family was his family. I guess it had always felt that way but it was still nice to hear him say it out loud. I look back down at the picture with a bittersweet feeling in my heart. Sometimes the grief just hits you out of nowhere.

"No matter how much time passes." I whisper, admiring her smile in the picture. "Holidays just never feel the same without her, do they?" I trace the photo with my fingertips longingly.

"No." Conrad says in a small voice. "They don't."

It was the smile in the photo that killed me the most. It was Susannah's genuine happy smile. A smile we both knew well. The smile we had both grown up with. The smile that had greeted me every summer in Cousins with open arms. If only we knew then what we knew now.

"God, she made every holiday so magical. I miss that." I take a moment as I sigh. "I miss her."

"Me too." Conrad whispers.

The room is silent as we look down at the photo with the same reverence. The same grief.

Then Conrad says. "Today we had a patient come in for her yearly check up. She had beaten breast cancer before so she was hopeful she could beat it again."

His voice is somber as he says it and I look up from the picture to give him my full attention.

"But the mammogram was just-" He shakes his head as he keeps his eyes on the picture. "It was bad, Belly. The cancer was everywhere. It had metastasized to the point of no return. She came in thinking she was in the clear and the attending physician had to sit her and her husband down to tell her the cancer had progressed to stage four. There was nothing we could do." He looks at me. "And the worst part was they have two little boys at home."

Conrad rarely opened up to me about the things he saw during his subinternship. I figured it was mostly because of HIPPA and telling me things about patients would get him fired but I think there was also another layer to it. Some cases were harder on him than others and this specific patient hit a little too close to home for him. Those two little boys had been Conrad and Jeremiah at one point in time. I could see the pain written on his face and I reach out to comfort him.

"I'm sorry." I place my hand on his. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you."

"All I could think about was at least Jere and I had time with our mom before she passed." He swallows, shaking his head then he looks back at me. "Her kids were five and nine, Belly. They haven't even begun life yet. They haven't even-" He looks down as his voice trails off.

I set the picture back down on the nightstand and I turn back towards him to give him a hug. Conrad hadn't let on how hard of a time he had been having and I wanted to be there for him. Of course I knew it was hard on him working in oncology. I knew it reminded him of Susannah but I don't think it hit me how hard of a time he had been having until that moment. Until he opened up to me about that patient. I just couldn't imagine the things he was seeing on a daily basis then having to carry on afterwards. It made me sad for him but it also made me admire him even more. Conrad had a lot of inner strength. Not many people who had been through what he had been through could work in such a field. It wasn't for the faint of heart. Conrad had a good heart and that was something I had always known about him. He had even cried over that stray dog, Rosie, he had found at the beach when we were kids. He was everything good.

"I'm sorry." He says out of guilt as I hug him. "I didn't mean to bring down the mood."

"Hey, don't be." I pull away to look at him. "You can talk to me about anything, Conrad. Especially this. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been. You're really strong."

"Not as strong as she was." He shakes his head, looking down. "She reminded me so much of her."

"Your mom?"

"Yeah." He keeps his head down.

I reach out to move some of the hair that was falling into his eyes and he looks up at me with tears in his eyes. I knew he had been talking about Susannah and it hurts my heart.

"I hope you know how proud of you she is." I look into his eyes as I lower my hand. "You are going to make one incredible doctor, Conrad Fisher."

Conrad lets out a deep breath then he rests his forehead against mine and we both close our eyes as we hold each other. It was tender moments like this one that had brought us even closer over the past month. Sometimes it felt like we were the only two people in the world who could understand each other's grief. Who could understand what the other was feeling or thinking without needing words. And I loved being there for him in this way. It was a privilege to be able to sit with him and to take care of him. It was like he had finally let me in after all of this time and I guess I understood his pain because my grief for Susannah had always been there too. The pain of losing her was something I had learned to live with that never went away. Although we had mourned for Susannah apart, we had loved her in the exact same way and that alone would always connect us. She had always been the common thread to our invisible string.

"Sometimes." Conrad starts then he takes a moment. "Sometimes I feel like you're the only person who understands." He whispers with his eyes closed and I keep mine closed too.

I search for the right words to comfort him as I rub his back.

"And I will always be here for you." I say as we keep our foreheads pressed together. "Always."

We stay holding each other like that for a while.

Conrad eventually pulls away first. "I should take a shower. It's been a long day. Do you mind?"

There was a certain sadness and edge to his voice that I recognized so I give him his space.

"Not at all." I say as I remove myself from his lap. "Take your time. I'll be here."

Conrad kisses my forehead then he leaves me alone in his bedroom.

I look through the pictures from the box Conrad had left behind to pass the time. Some of them were of Susannah and Adam's happiest years of marriage. Some of them were Conrad's football games. Some of them were birthday parties. Some of them were from our summers in Cousins. But I don't get very far because when I hear the shower turn on I find my attention elsewhere. I look up to see the bathroom door across the hall is cracked open and I wrestle with myself on what to do. All I can think about is the fact that we are alone in his apartment together and that he is hurting. The look on his face had said it all. I could feel his pain. I slowly rise from the bed and I find myself walking towards the bathroom door.

The first thing I see when I step inside are his clothes on the floor and his towel hanging on the towel rack. I look at myself in the mirror and I make a quick decision at that moment. All I knew was that I just wanted to be there for him when he needed me the most. He was always there for me and I had missed him so much over the past two weeks I just wanted to feel close to him. I just wanted to reach out and let him know I was there. That I was always here for him just like I had told him in the bedroom. I guess I had one more surprise left in me tonight. I drop my clothes and I quietly join him in the shower.

Conrad has his back to me when I step inside and I'm grateful for it because it almost seems like he is crying. His head is under the stream of water as he rinses his hair and as I watch the water trickle down his back muscles I notice his back is quivering. I think about how to approach him and how to comfort him then I wonder if this was a mistake. Was I intruding on a private moment? But then I think no, he shouldn't have to go through this alone. He had gone through enough alone and I wanted to be there for him. And that's when the idea comes to me.

I step forward and I wrap my arms around his torso to hug him from behind. Even under the stream of water, his skin is so warm against mine. His body stops shaking as I plant kisses all along his back to comfort him and his skin burns under my lips. When he turns around to face me his hair is dripping into his eyes and his eyes hold so much emotion. It takes me back in time to our first kiss on the beach where I had wondered if it was possible to take someone's pain away with a kiss. I maintain eye contact as I close the space between us and I wrap my arms around his neck to bring his lips to mine.

Our kisses start hesitant and slow then they increase with passion and neediness. And without saying a word, he lifts me into his arms and he presses my back against the shower wall so effortlessly I gasp into his mouth. And all I can think about is this is exactly what we both wanted to do in Spain when we shared that little moment inside of the shower. Only now we were finally alone and there were no interruptions. There were no more secrets. No more walls up. No more holding back. No more pushing each other away. Nothing could break our concentration. No one could take this moment or night away from us. There was just me, Conrad, and the steam of the shower enveloping us.

Conrad:

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of my alarm.

I turn it off with my eyes closed then I reach for her to pull her soft body to mine. I'm disappointed when I find the spot next to me is empty and I open my eyes to find myself alone.

Had it all been a dream?

As I sit up, I hear music coming from the kitchen and a smirk speads across my face as I scratch my neck. No, it hadn't been a dream. This was real. She was here. Of course she was.

I find my girl in the kitchen, humming to a song that is playing on her phone. It was a classic. Something my mom would have surely loved. Her back is to me as she is hovering over the stove. She is wearing one of my shirts that drowns her like a dress and I can't help but smile as I lean against the wall to commit this small moment to memory. It was the little things like this that could bring a man to his knees. And boy was I hopelessly and out of my mind in love with her. It amazed me that after all of these years I was still finding new things to love about her. Today it was her messy morning hair. Her cute humming. The way she stood as she cooked.

She was truly the girl of my dreams. Who was I kidding? She had always been.

I sneak up on her from behind and I trail kisses down her neck to her shoulder, wanting to make the most out of our time together before I had to leave for the day. It was becoming one of my favorite spots on her to kiss. Well, I had a lot of favorite spots but this was one of them.

"Good morning." She laughs as I continue to trail kisses on her shoulder.

She turns around to face me and I give her a long good morning kiss as I grip her waist tightly. One day I would get to kiss her like this every single morning. Whenever I wanted. One day.

"Good morning." I say after our kiss. "What are you up to?"

"I made you breakfast." She points at the pans on the stove with the spatula.

I look down to see eggs and bacon sizzling in pans. It smelled amazing. It warmed my heart that she had woken up early just to do this for me. I knew she wasn't an early bird like I was.

"I also packed you some leftover pasta for lunch." She nods at the counter. "Just in case your hours go over like yesterday."

I wasn't used to this. I had gotten pretty damn good at living on my own. Providing for myself. Cooking my own meals. Being independent and not having to rely on anyone. I was the one who had always looked after others, not the other way around. It comes with the territory of being the oldest sibling I guess but it felt nice to have someone take care of me for once.

"Thank you." I can't help but smile at her. "Seriously, thank you."

"Oh, don't act so surprised." She laughs. "I can cook too."

"I've never doubted that." I laugh.

"Good." She taps my nose. "Because you better get used to all of this."

"All of this?" I tease her.

"Mhm." She laughs. "You better get used to someone spoiling you and by someone I mean me."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." She laughs as she turns around, flipping the bacon. "Because this is what a healthy relationship looks like. Two people showing each other how much they love each other."

I find myself finding even more reasons to fall deeper in love as she says it.

Belly and I had truly come so far over the past few weeks. It felt like we had lived an entire year in one summer. We had learned lessons of a lifetime over the past month. But I was grateful for all of it because it had brought us here. We were the healthiest we had ever been. The most open and expressive and loving we'd ever been together. And we had earned it. When you have known each other your whole lives and have made the same mistakes we have I guess time moves differently. You don't want to make the same mistakes. You just want to do better and be better for that one person. Belly made me want to be the best version of myself and I loved her for it. I had always loved her for it. It makes me reflect on my conversation with Laurel from a month ago and I try to hide my smile as I attempt to help her with breakfast. Let's just say I had a few surprises for her that were in the works.

"Hey!" She laughs, swatting my hand away. "I got this. You go get ready for the day, okay?"

I obey her when I see what time it is on the stove and I kiss her on the cheek. "Okay."

After I take a quick shower and I change into my scrubs for the day, I sit in one of the barstools. I watch her as she spoons some eggs and bacon on a plate then she pours some black coffee into a mug for me. As she pours the coffee, I stare at her bare ring finger and I have this wild thought. It was a crazy thought even I knew. I find myself wanting to scrap all of my plans. To just get down on one knee with a napkin or paper ring and to ask her right here right now to be mine forever. To have her promise me that every morning will look like this. To never spend another day apart. But even I knew Belly deserved a sweeter and more romantic gesture than that. She deserved a beautiful ring to compliment that finger and I would give that to her. I would give my girl everything and anything she wants because she deserved it. I would have to practice patience. There was still so much to talk about. So much to do. So much to plan.

Good things come to those who wait, Connie my mom's wise words remind my heart.

"Hello?" Belly looks at me funny as she serves me my plate. "Are you listening?"

"Sorry." I smirk, snapping myself out of it. "What were you saying?"

She laughs as she sets down my mug. "Do you know what time you are getting off?"

"It just depends but I'll call you as soon as I know." I say before I sip my coffee.

"Okay." She smiles as she sits next to me with her food and coffee. "Works for me."

We eat breakfast together then she walks with me to the door to say goodbye.

"Are you sure you're going to be okay here?" I ask her as I toss my backpack over my shoulder.

"It's not like I'm a prisoner." Belly laughs. "I did drive my own car down here, you know."

"I know." I laugh. "I just care."

"Don't worry about me." She smiles. "I'll be fine."

"Nate texted me. He is going to stop by at some point to pack a bag. He'll be staying with Agnes all weekend." I let her know before I forget. "But other than that, you should have the entire place to yourself today. Make yourself at home, okay?"

"Okay." She smiles then she gets on her tippy toes to kiss me. "I'll see you later?"

I smile as I lean down to kiss her. "See you later, beautiful."

It was going to be a long day. I would spend every single second of it missing her. Counting down the minutes until I get to see my girl again. After we kiss, I hug her to me and I close my eyes to savor the moment. If I was already feeling this way after one day, how in the world was I supposed to let her go after this weekend? No other morning would top this one. All I wanted was to start and end my days with Isabel Conklin. Was that too much to ask for?

What kept me going was knowing we only had a few more months apart then we would be living together in Cousins. I had been working hard to make that dream a reality. To set us up for success. I had been working tirelessly to prove myself at my subinternship and at school to make myself a great match for the residency programs in Cousins. It made all of those long hours of studying and time spent at the hospital worth it to know I was building the blocks to our future. I was doing it for us. For her. She was my greatest motivation without knowing it. My motivation to get up early everyday. To finish medical school strong. To never give up and I was confident it would all work out in our favor. It had to. My future was set. It was set in Cousins with my girl. There was no back up plan. I knew what I wanted and I wouldn't rest until I got it.

I wanted to be that kind of provider for Belly. To give her the life her and I always dreamed of. A life of endless boardwalk dates, sunsets on the beach, and her hand in mine. I had given our future a lot of thought over the past month and I had already started making plans in my head. For the first time in my life, marriage was at the forefront of every single one of them. I found myself thinking about it all of the time. Dreaming about it. I found myself wanting to ask her true feelings about it during our facetimes and phone calls but I knew it was a conversation we would need to have in person and it wasn't a casual conversation to have. It was one that would come with time. It would require patience and strategic planning on my part but it was all worth it. She was worth the wait. She had always been worth the wait.

If we were going to take that next step together I had to get it right. It was important to me to do things the right way. I wanted to do right by her and by Laurel. Because the reality was Belly had been engaged before and I wanted to be respectful of that. I wanted to eliminate any fears or doubts she had first. There were a lot of talks to be had first and I was nervous to have them. I knew how we felt about each other. I knew she loved me and that I loved her. I mean, marriage had to have crossed her mind at least once now that we were planning on living together in a few months. But I was worried that she would feel pressured or it would bring up a lot of feelings from the past. I just wanted to make sure she felt truly comfortable and ready for that next step. That she wanted to marry me as bad as I wanted to marry her. Because boy, did I want to marry her. There was no doubt in my mind about that. No doubt in my heart that she was the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Hell, I had been having dreams of her dressed in all white for months if that tells you where my heart is. And after my conversation with Laurel a month ago, I felt even more confident about asking for her hand in marriage. I think deep down I had always known it was Belly. Perhaps we had always known it was each other and it was exciting to think about our future but the fear was still there. Besides, these next few months would give me just enough time to map it all out in my head. To continue building our future. To ask her about all of these things. To plan for that special moment. To save up for the ring.

Later that morning, Nate walks in the door as I'm watching TV in the front room. He has his backpack on.

"Belly Bell Bells." He greets me with a grin. "Good morning."

I laugh from the couch. "Hey Nate."

"I'm assuming Conrad already left?" He asks me as he walks into the kitchen. He starts to chug a chocolate protein shake from the fridge.

"Yeah, he left a few hours ago."

"Well, now that we're alone." Nate leans against the counter with a cheeky expression. "Do you want to hear all the dirt on your boy toy?"

"I don't know." I laugh as I turn around on the couch to face him. "Do I?"

"I guess there isn't a lot of dirt." Nate shrugs as he downs the rest of the protein shake. "But I can tell you all of the things I know for a fact he wouldn't want you to know." Nate teases.

"Like what?" I shoot him a funny look.

"Well, for starters." He laughs. "He totally has a Spotify playlist for you."

"No way." I laugh.

"Oh, he does." Nate snorts. "He only plays it when he thinks I'm not listening. He thinks he is so sneaky but I hear him play it in the mornings. Sometimes late at night driving home from the hospital. Hell, he probably even studies listening to it." He laughs, shaking his head. "But you didn't hear it from me."

I blush. "You're just saying that."

Nate just laughs as he takes out his phone and he walks over to me. "Believe me now?"

He shows me what looks like Conrad's Spotify profile then he clicks on a playlist that isn't named. It just has the infinity symbol for the name and it makes my heart swell for him.

I just shake my head and laugh, not sure what to say. I was just as surprised as him.

"When you guys get married." Nate jokes as he walks back to the kitchen. "I can be your DJ."

His comment about marriage makes me blush even more. Had Conrad talked to Nate about us getting married or was this just Nate's forward humor?

"Noted." I turn back around to face the TV with a fat smile on my face.

Nate starts to pack a lunch into his backpack and refills his water bottle. "Do you want to know another dirty secret?"

I laugh as I turn back around to nod. "Sure."

"Remember the time he drove down to surprise you for the Fourth of July?" Nate grins proudly. "Yeah, I'm the reason he went after you. I talked some sense into him. You're welcome." Nate winks.

I laugh. "Well, thank you."

"Oh and he stares at your pictures all the time. He's such a hopeless romantic at heart."

"Wow. You're very observant." I tease him.

"Nah. Conrad is just whipped for you." Nate snorts. "Anyone with eyes can see that. After Spain, he was pretty depressed. I've never seen him like that before. I was trying to get him to go to parties but he is a hard egg to crack. He spent all of his time either at the hospital or in his room studying." Nate pauses. "And by studying I mean staring at your pictures on his phone."

His words make me sad and I turn back around to face the TV with guilt.

"I'm sorry you had to see him like that." I swallow. "Those weren't our proudest moments."

Nate is quiet for a moment. "He never did tell me why you guys broke up in the first place."

It was a bold question to ask but I guess that was just Nate's style.

"It's a long story." I sigh. "But rest assured Spain will never happen again-"

"No, I mean when you guys were younger." Nate interrupts. "The first time around. I mean, the way I saw you guys interact last night makes me wonder how you guys ever spent years apart."

"Oh." I lean back into the couch. "That's also a long story. Susannah had just passed and we-"

"What?" Nate blinks as he walks into the living room.

I look up at Nate to read his face and it hits me. Had Conrad not told him about Susannah?

Nate sits down slowly. "Oh my god, I had no idea."

"He-he never said anything?" I whisper.

"No." Nate just shakes his head. "I mean, I guess it never came up. How-how long ago did she-?" He doesn't finish the sentence.

"A few years ago from breast cancer." I nod. "He doesn't talk about it much."

"Well, shit." Nate strokes the stubble on his chin. "That makes sense why he is so damn good with patients."

"Yeah, I bet he is." I offer up a smile.

"He really is." Nate smiles too. "I've heard a few of the attending physicians say he is one of the best interns. But don't tell him I said that." He winks and we both share a much needed laugh.

Then Nate sighs as he checks the time on his watch. "Damn, I gotta go."

"Well, it was nice to talk with you." I smile then I laugh. "And don't worry your secrets are safe with me."

Nate laughs as he stands up. "Yeah, I think the only secret Conrad has left is when he is going to propose to you." He winks as he walks past the couch to his bedroom. "I'm going to pack my backpack then take off. See you later, Bells."

His comment catches me off guard again and it lingers in my mind for the rest of the day. I find myself smiling about it all afternoon. Maybe it was just a coincidence that Nate was teasing me about it. Conrad probably told him we were moving in together after they graduate. But then again what if it wasn't a coincidence?

Conrad:

One Month Prior

I can practically see the lightbulb turn on in Cleveland's head as he registers what is happening. He looks between Laurel and I then he puts a hand on Laurel's leg with a knowing smile.

"Why don't I give you two a moment?" He pats her leg.

Laurel breaks eye contact with me to look at him. She nods in her own knowing way and he kisses her on the cheek before he stands up to leave. He shoots me a quick look that says "good luck" and I nod at him before he walks out of the front door. His car leaves shortly after. Although I didn't mind having Cleveland in the room for this conversation I think it was important to have it alone with Laurel. He understood how serious the tone of this conversation was and I respected him for that. It reminds me of why I'm here and I take a deep breath as I look at her. Laurel and I were alone now. And all of my nerves were rising to the surface.

We both take another sip of our coffees to fill the silence and it buys me time to think before I speak. But where were my words? I had practiced a whole speech on the drive over and now it seemed like there were no words in the dictionary that could come close to what I wanted to say to Laurel. There were no words worthy to capture how I felt about her daughter.

"Your hands are shaking." Laurel notes with a smile so quick I could have missed it as she sets down her coffee mug. I look down at my hands to see she is right. She knew me too damn well.

"You don't miss a thing." I say as I set my mug down too.

And Laurel almost smiles. She knew where this was going. There is that almost smile again. She leans back into the couch, crossing her arms as her eyes flicker to the coffee table. "I should have known this day was coming. You did bring me muffins after all." She winks.

We both laugh and I appreciated her trying to keep the mood light. I was sure I looked like a nervous wreck. Sweaty palms and all. Was she trying to ease my nerves? It was working.

"Well, it is a special occasion." I smirk as the words start to come to me.

"It must be." Her eyes land on the flowers on the coffee table that I had bought just for her and she raises a brow. "Because if I'm not mistaken those are peonies. Beck's favorite."

We both knew my mother had shared a love for Peonies. I guess I had not only brought them for Laurel but I had also wanted a piece of my mom to be in the room for this conversation as well. Laurel's eyes flash back to mine as she awaits my answer. She waits for me to say what I had come here to say.

"Nothing but the best." I nod as I hold her gaze. "Nothing but the best for my future mother in law."

Laurel's face softens and she studies me for a long time. It was like our eyes were having their own conversation. It was like she could see right through me just like my own mother could have. It felt years before she spoke again. She looks out the window at the sky and I wonder if she is thinking about my mom. What my mom would say about all of this. Laurel smiles.

"It's a beautiful day." She looks back at me. "Take a walk with me?"

We find ourselves walking along a path that circled a park in Laurel's neighborhood. It was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining. The birds were singing. We walked under the shadows of green trees. There was a cool breeze and a certain quietness that day. A few bikers pass us by on the path but other than that we have the entire path to ourselves. We walk side by side.

"You know, Beck always said that it would be you two." Laurel smiles as she looks up at the sky as we walk. "At first, I thought your mom was crazy. You two were tiny tots." She laughs. "But the more time that passes, the more I realize she was right about a lot of things." She looks at me. "She was right about you two."

I smile back at her then Laurel takes a moment as we continue to walk. We find a park bench and she sits down first. I sit down too. Then what she says next surprises me.

"Do you want to know why I didn't let Jeremiah marry my daughter?" She doesn't look at me when she says it.

I look at her and she sighs as she looks back at me.

"Because I knew she belonged with you." She smiles sadly. "Of course there were other factors. He didn't have a job. They were far too young." She shakes her head. "But in the end, Connie. A mother's intuition is always right and I just knew it was always supposed to be you. Beck might have figured it out first but that doesn't mean I didn't see it too." She looks at me. "You were always so good to her. You've always been her prince charming. Spain didn't make me forget that. We all make mistakes."

Laurel had no idea what her words meant to me at that moment. They gave me the courage to say what I had come here to say. And I don't say the words that I had practiced in the car. No, I don't give her some elaborate and polished speech. I say the words that are on my heart. The words that had been there since the very beginning.

"Laura." I address her. "I won't delay this any longer. I think you know why I'm here and why I need to have this conversation in person."

Laurel's eyes are gentle on mine as she lets me continue. She smiles warmly, anticipating what is about to happen.

"I'm in love with your daughter." I suck in a breath. "I think you said it best. I always have been. And I always will be."

Laurel starts to tear up and I look up at the sky to find my strength. I could feel the tears coming from behind my eyes and I wanted to get through at least some of it without crying. I close my eyes as the cool breeze hugs me. I feel my mom with us and I look back at Laurel. We both have tears in our eyes now. Could she feel her here with us too?

"I'm not a perfect man and I will never pretend to be." I shake my head. "But when I am with your daughter, I'm the best version of myself. I would do anything and be anything for her. She is the most beautiful and perfect person I've ever known. I don't think anyone is worthy of her including myself but I love her so much it physically hurts to be away from her. So I'm really hoping you can be open to what I'm about to ask you." My voice starts to shake with emotion.

Laurel starts to cry. The day had finally come. The moment was here and the intensity of the moment heightens. This was it. This was the first step to forever. Now or never.

Shoot your shot.

"I'm here today to ask for your blessing to marry your daughter." Tears continue to fill my eyes but this time I don't break eye contact. "And if you will let me, I will take care of her until my last breath. I will love her as much as you and my mom have, which is pretty damn hard to beat." We both share a laugh as she cries. "There are no words to describe what I feel for your daughter. She has brought so much joy and happiness into my life. She is my light. I can't." I look down as my tears start to fall and Laurel reaches out to hold my hand. She smiles at me to encourage me to keep going and I look back up at her as I cry to her. "I can't picture a life without Belly in it, Laura. I've tried to live without her and I can't. She is my life. She is my entire world. She is my everything." Laurel squeezes my hand as we both cry. "I am so in love with your daughter and I would be the luckiest man on earth to spend the rest of my life with her."

I let go of her hand to reach for the envelope in my pocket as I wipe my tears. The one with Adam's check inside of it that they had tried to give to me this morning. My hands shake.

"And if I have your blessing." I breathe. "I would like to put this check towards our wedding and honeymoon. I would like to put some of it towards her ring. That is the only way I will accept this check is if I can spend it on her." I say to her and she wipes her tears as she looks down at it.

Laurel looks back up at me and she reaches out to cup my cheek like she and my mom had done since I was a kid. My heart races as I wait for her to say something.

"Where does the time go?" She laughs through the tears. "One day you and Belly are building sandcastles on the beach. Now, you're asking to marry her. Oh Connie."

We both cry as we take this moment in. It was a big one. I was sure we would never forget it.

"You've always been my special guy." Laurel exhales. "And you're right. Belly is one special girl." She nods. "But you're wrong. You do deserve my daughter and you do deserve this money. Use it to start your life together. I can't think of a better way to spend it. So the answer is yes." Her face softens as more tears fall. "You can marry my daughter, Conrad Fisher. Yes."

We stand up from the bench at the same time to hug each other and it was a hug I would never forget. It was a moment with Laurel I would forever treasure. It meant the world to me to have her blessing. To have her support and approval. She was my Laura. We were family. We had always been family but I couldn't wait to make it official. We were one step closer to that.

"Thank you, Laura." I say as we let go of each other.

"I sure love you, Connie." She smiles. "I only wish Beck was here to see this."

"She is."

I look up at the sky to see a Goldfinch soaring above us. It carries a familiar tune. A song from a musical my mom used to watch with Laurel and Belly. The same musical my mom had been watching with Jere when I had come to visit her unknowingly for the last time. It sets off an old memory inside of my head. A very young Belly starts singing We Love You Conrad by Bye Bye Birdie in my mind and it makes me smile. I had heard her sing the song through the walls for years and I had almost forgotten about it altogether. The Goldfinch carries the tune.

We love you Conrad

Oh yes we do

We love you Conrad

And we'll be true

When you're not near us

We're blue

Later that afternoon, we finally get to have our fall date.

After Conrad takes a quick shower, he walks into the living room wearing a winter coat styled with a flannel underneath, jeans, and brown boots. His hair is still wet and it takes me back to the Christmas we had spent in Cousins. Conrad was one of those guys who looked good in everything. He looked good without even having to try. I admire him with my whole heart feeling the luckiest girl in the whole word to have him all to myself.

"What?" He catches me staring as he stuffs his wallet in his back pocket.

"Nothing. You just." I smile. "You just look really nice."

"That's all you." His eyes match his smile as he looks me up and down. "Shall we?"

We went to one of his favorite restaurants in town. They serve us complimentary bread baskets and we catch up on his work day then the conversation turns to Steven and Taylor after I get a text from Taylor asking me if I can drive up next weekend.

"Taylor's wanting me to come up next weekend." I sigh. "How do I tell her that's the only time I get to see you?"

"Don't worry. We'll figure it out." Conrad shrugs. "You should go have some fun. I'm sure she misses you."

"And I'm sure my brother misses you." I laugh as I put my phone away. I would reply to her later. "Speaking of that are you getting roped into planning Steven's bachelor party, Mr. Best Man?"

Conrad laughs. "I think I might just leave that up to Jere. I'm already busy enough as it is."

"You know Taylor will never forgive you if you do." I snort. "Jere is a party animal. Taylor will have a heartache if you leave it all up to him."

"Maybe." Conrad laughs. "Maybe not. But isn't Taylor a party animal too?"

"That's fair." I just laugh as I stuff some more bread into my mouth.

"What about you?" He asks me as he takes a drink. "Are you planning her bachelorette party?"

"Yeah and honestly it's going well. The best part about Taylor is she knows exactly what she wants so all you have to do is get it for her. She was nothing like me." I trail off, laughing.

"Nothing like you?"

"You know." I shrug. "I didn't have a clue what I was doing or how weddings work for that matter. I was the worst bride ever." I laugh. "Complete bridezilla."

"You were not a bridezilla." Conrad chuckles. "You were just in a situation you didn't feel comfortable in. Trust me there is a difference."

"Sure. I guess you're right." I sigh. "I will say it's nice they aren't fighting like Jere and I had. The only thing they are fighting about is their hashtag for the wedding: Hashtag Staylor."

"Hashtag Staylor?" Conrad tries not to laugh.

"Yeah, sometimes people use a hashtag for their wedding so they can see all the photos people take on their big day. Like a social media scrapbook." I scrunch my nose. "Steven isn't really in love with that name though."

"That must be Taylor's thing." Conrad laughs. "Making up names for couples. She has called us Bonrad on multiple occasions when I've been on the phone with Steve."

"Oh I know." I laugh. "We'll have to come up with something better for our wedding."

I say it without even thinking about it. Without even realizing it. And I'm embarrassed as I look up at him to see his reaction but his expression puts me at ease. His reaction isn't awkward or negative at all. He looks pleasantly surprised. He reaches across the table to hold my hand in his. One of his fingers lingers on my ring finger and traces it. I wonder if he realized he was doing that. Everything in the restaurant fades out around us as we look at each other.

"Yeah." He looks me in the eyes with a little smile. "We will."

And those three little words give me a buzz. We share a serious moment as we smile at each other then it's interrupted by the server bringing us our entrees.

After dinner, Conrad takes me on the fall date. He drives us to a haunted house and a corn maze. We end up being one of the five twenty something couples that are there amongst a bunch of high schoolers.

"Are we too old for this?" I joke.

"Hey, we'll never be too old to have fun." Conrad smirks, putting my frozen hands in his warm coat pockets as we wait in line.

After we scream our way through the haunted house, the end of it drops us off at the entrance of the corn maze. I give Conrad a look as we tease each other about who jumped the most in the haunted house then I take off running away in the opposite direction from him. I don't even have to look back to know he is chasing after me and we get lost in the corn maze together. It felt good to get our blood pumping. It was chilly outside.

"You've always been too slow for me!" I laugh out loud.

Conrad somehow ends up in front of me in the corn maze and he throws me over his shoulder. "Who is too slow now?"

"Hey, that's cheating!" I try to wiggle my way out. "And your legs are way longer than mine so that's not fair!"

Conrad just laughs as he carries me. "So I am faster."

"Nope! Put me down!" I laugh. "I demand a rematch!"

"And if I don't?" He challenges me.

"If you don't put me down then I will." I think about it." I will scream."

"It's a haunted corn maze, Belly." He just laughs at me. "I don't think anyone will care if you scream. You'll fit right in."

"Damnit." I say in defeat and he finally sets me down laughing at me.

I shiver from the chill in the air and he takes off his winter coat to wrap it around me. One thing I loved about Conrad was he wasn't the type of guy who had to ask me if I was cold. He was the type of guy who would give me his winter coat anyways because he paid attention to me. It smells just like him and I memorize his cologne with my eyes closed. When I open them, Conrad takes my hands and puts them into his coat pockets like he had done in line. Like he had first done that one Christmas night in Cousins.

"On a scale of one to ten, how cold are you?" He laughs and we can see both of our breath in the air.

"Five minutes ago, I was at a ten." I laugh. "But now? I'm negative zero degrees."

He laughs. "I don't think that means what you think it means. Negative zero degrees means you're freezing."

"Oh." I purse my lips. "Well, whatever is the opposite of that then. The point is you're warming me up." I wink.

Conrad leans down to kiss me and his lips are so warm. "Happy to help."

We continue to kiss in the corn maze and we get a little carried away but it was too cold to strip down here. And there was too many people around. Not our style. We just end up kissing then we start to walk back the way we came.

"This has been a really good date." I smile at him as we hold hands. "Thank you."

"Thank you." He says. "For driving up here and making this otherwise boring weekend a lot less boring."

I smile at him. "Anytime."

"Now come on." He kisses my frozen cheek. "Let's get out of here before our fingers and toes fall off." He laughs.

"Yeah, we might need those." I laugh.

On the way back to the apartment, he makes a quick stop in town and he tells me to stay warm in the car. He comes back with two hot chocolates and I admire him as he walks back to the car. I had the best boyfriend in the entire world. When he gets inside he gives me a kiss then he hands it to me. I take one sip and I'm amazed at how creamy and good it is.

"Wow." I lick my lips as I take another sip. "This is the best hot chocolate I've ever had! Thank you!"

"It's the best in the city or so they say." Conrad says as he reverses the car then he starts to drive straight ahead. He looks at me and winks. "But personally I've had better."

His comment leaves me speechless. Hot chocolate held a deeper meaning for us.

"I don't know about that." I laugh.

"I do." He smiles with his eyes on the road. "Cocoa is your specialty, remember?" He reaches over to grip my leg and from there the tension in the car is palpable.

He had never really done that before and now I never wanted him to stop. On the entire drive, I steal looks at him. I can't help but stare at his lips whenever he takes a sip of his hot chocolate. He catches me looking a few times and there is a hunger in his eyes I had never seen before. He knew exactly what he was doing. Or maybe he didn't. Either way, it was driving me insane. The way he was looking at me. The way his hand was burning into my leg. I felt like I needed to fan myself. The tension between us was hotter than the temperature of our hot chocolates.

We barely make it through the front door. As soon as we step inside, our lips are crashing into each others like the waves on Cousins beach. We are shedding layers before we even reach his bedroom. We both laugh when my sweater gets caught as he tries to lift it over my head. We struggle then he finally sets it free. We just laugh together as we kiss each other, our mouths tasting like chocolate and it becomes one of my new top moments with him.

One of my favorite things about our relationship was how we could always laugh together during these passionate moments. How we would always smile during our kisses. How even in moments of pure lust he still made me feel like I was the most special person in his entire world. And I hoped he knew the feeling was mutual because he was the most special person in mine. Things were different tonight. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Maybe we were getting more comfortable. Maybe we were just in love. But every touch and every kiss tonight felt like an affirmation of our feelings. It had more fire than the last. A fire that would never burn out and it was a true testament to the burning love we had for each other. In the back of my mind, I think about how this will be us in a few months. It was impossible to pull away. Was this where we were heading? How could I ever want anything else?

Afterwards, we stay warm together under the covers. He spoons me and he holds my hand over the covers. I close my eyes as his thumb draws little infinities on my hand as we cuddle. It was so comforting when he would do this. I didn't dare move or breathe. I didn't want to ruin the moment. I could stay with him like this forever. We don't say anything for the rest of the night. We didn't need to. Our bodies had said it all. I start to drift off to sleep and I thought he had fallen asleep too until he says my name.

"Belly?" Conrad whispers.

"Mhm?" I say with my eyes closed.

"Can I ask you something?" His voice almost sounds nervous.

"Anything."

He takes a moment as his hand continues to trace mine. His skin was so warm. He seems lost in thought.

"I've been thinking a lot lately." He plants a kiss on my shoulder.

"About what?" I smile, leaning into his touch.

"About you." He kisses my neck. "About us." He breathes against my neck. "About everything."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." His hand squeezes mine as he holds it.

"Me too." I smile. "I'm really happy with where we're at, Conrad."

"Me too." He agrees with me. "And that's why it's important to me that I make sure you are comfortable with where we are." He hesitates. "And where we might be heading."

I open my eyes and I turn my face to look at him. I can only see half of his face from this angle, illuminated by the light coming from outside of the window.

"I just- I just want to know how you are feeling about everything." He whispers as he kisses my neck. "How are you feeling about it all?"

I turn around to face him completely, both of us lying on our sides as we face each other. It didn't get more intimate than this. It didn't get more vulnerable than this. There was no hiding. Our eyes hold each other's gaze as we rest our heads on his pillow. His fingers trace my arm.

"Are you asking me what I think you're asking me?" I whisper.

"I don't want to rush anything." He reaches out to smooth away some of my hair. "But I would eventually like to discuss our future and what the next step looks like to you."

"Next step as in moving in together?" I blink. "Or next step as in marriage?"

Conrad's eyes said it all as his eyes look deep into mine. I felt frozen under his gaze. Just one look from him was all it took to unravel me.

"All of the above." He answers me.

And my heart feels like it's about to burst out of its chest.

"Don't get me wrong. I love where we are right now." He shakes his head, smiling. "But I would be lying to you if I said I didn't think about the our future together. I just want to start having these conversations. I want to make sure we are on the same page."

Was he kidding? Of course we were on the same page. My whole life I had only ever seen a future with one boy. Him.

"We are on the same page." I reassure him. "And I'm an open book."

Conrad's face changes as if my words had breathed new life and hope into him. Then he cups my jaw and he leans forward to kiss me. There was something about this kiss that was different. It was more serious and intense. It was the most intimate kiss I'd ever shared with him. It's like we are the only two people in the world at that moment. Everything around us fades into black as we look at each other. I had never felt this way about anyone before.

"Okay, if you're an open book." His eyes look down and I wonder what he is looking at. "I have another question for you."

"Okay." I nod. "What is it?"

Conrad looks nervous and it's sweet how nervous he is.

"In a perfect world." His eyes flash back up to mine. "What would your ideal ring look like?"

I blink. It was a question I had never been asked before. Sure, I had been engaged but it had been a whirlwind engagement. Nothing planned or romantic like this. I open and close my mouth, asking myself the same question but unable to come up with a good answer.

"Can I get back to you on that?" I blush, feeling embarrassed that I didn't even know what I wanted.

"Of course." Conrad laughs with me. "But doesn't every girl have a Pinterest board with their ideal diamond ring on it? You said Taylor does."

I laugh then I look at him, surprised he had remembered me telling him that from one of our late night phone calls. How long had he been thinking about this? Were Nate's comments about him proposing to me a sign? How long had Conrad Fisher been thinking about marrying me? I had never felt so in love. My heart melts for him as I realize he is being completely serious.

I reach out to trace his cheek and he closes his eyes for a moment then he opens them back up to look at me. And I have an epiphany as I'm looking into those ocean eyes. I didn't care. Marriage isn't about the ring. It's about the person who is giving it to you and the kind of promises they are making when they give it to you. It's so much more than just a ring. I had learned that the hard way.

"In a perfect world." I whisper, tracing his cheek. "It doesn't matter what the ring is as long as you're the one giving it to me."

Conrad takes in my words and he looks surprised that I wasn't being picky. But it was the truth. He was worth more to me than any diamond ring would ever be.

"Come on." Conrad pulls me on top of him to lay on him. "You can be selfish with this, Belly. If you could have any ring in the entire world, what would you want it to be?"

I rest my chin on his chest as we look at each other. I try to think but my mind draws a blank.

"I don't know the first thing about rings, Conrad." I laugh. "I don't even know what to ask for." I admit out loud.

"That's okay." Conrad smiles. "We can figure it out. Together."

His smile makes me smile and I just laugh. "I can't believe we're having this conversation right now." I shake my head, looking at him. "Can you?"

Conrad just smiles then he studies me for a moment. "How about a custom ring?" He asks me as he reaches to play with my hair.

I press my lips together. "That sounds expensive."

"You're worth it." He shrugs, looking into my eyes.

I blush as I look down. "I guess- I guess that could work."

"You guess?" Conrad lifts my chin with a finger forcing me to look at him and we both laugh.

"Like I said, I have to think about this." I admit. "I don't know what is really out there or what I would want."

"Then let me help you out." He winks. "Do you want gold? Silver? Blue?" His eyes tease me. "Purple?"

"Definitely purple." I laugh with him as I lay my head down on his chest.

I still couldn't believe we were having this conversation. I feel our hearts beating against each other's chest in unison. It felt too good to be true. Was I dreaming?

"What about the cut of the diamond?" Conrad whispers into my hair as he hugs me to him. "Do you like oval? Square? Emerald? Heart?"

"How about I just send you a Pinterest board?" I laugh. "How about that?"

Conrad laughs as he buries his face in my hair. "Deal."

Then an idea comes to me.

"Actually." I smile against his chest. "What if it had something to do with infinity?" I blink.

Conrad is quiet for a moment.

"I love that." I can hear the smile in his voice and it melts me as he hugs me closer. "I can see it."

"Is that even possible?" I laugh, shaking my head. "I'm having a hard time seeing that actually."

"I'm not having a hard time seeing it at all." He kisses my hair and I close my eyes.

Somehow I felt even closer to him now after this conversation than I did five minutes ago. Just when I thought we couldn't fall deeper in love we were proving ourselves wrong. It was at that moment I allowed my heart to be open to the idea all of it and to discard all of my past feelings about engagements and marriage. This was Conrad Fisher who was telling me he loved me and asking me about my dream diamond ring. This was the boy I had loved since I was twelve years old. This was something that had crossed my mind throughout my entire life.

And when I had seen him at my graduation, I just knew. My heart just knew. This summer would be different. We were both different. Yet one thing that had stayed the same. Our hearts had never wavered. We had never stopped loving each other and I think I had always known deep down it was going to be him at the end of the altar. I could pinch myself. Maybe dreams really do come true.

"We don't have to talk about everything right now. We can sleep." Conrad whispers into my hair as his hand traces up and down my back. "We have plenty of time to talk and I only want to do this at a pace that feels right for you. Whenever you're ready to talk more about our future I'll be here ready to listen." His arms wrap around me to pull me closer to him. I could fall asleep like this in his arms. "I just want to make you happy." He kisses my hair. "Forever. I love you, Isabel."

"Not as much as I love you." I whisper, repeating what he had said to me a month ago.

And we fall asleep holding onto each other with the hope for the future that lies ahead of us.

Steal My Girl by One Direction fades out in the background:

She's been my queen

Since we were sixteen

We want the same things

We dream the same dreams

Alright, Alright

I got it all

Cause she is the one

Her mum calls me love

Her dad calls me son

Alright, Alright

I know, I know, I know for sure

Everybody wanna steal my girl

Everybody wanna take her heart away

Couple billion in the whole wide world

Find another one cause she belongs to me

Author's Note: Buckle up ;) The next few chapters are coming and they are super special. As always, I appreciate all of your kind words and thank you for reading!!