Good grief, that kiss was intense. She had no idea what came over her; all she knew was that she felt an all-consuming hunger for him and his affection. If it was a lie; then she'd lie to herself forever just to capture that feeling. All of her previous attempts at physical intimacy were quiet, careful, and chaste; but when he was defenseless, her true colors emerged. Her mind was spinning out of control, caught up in a torrent of butterflies, desire, and embarrassment, culminating in thoughts that were definitely not appropriate for a perfect pretty girl. Maybe she and Saiki-kun were much more alike than she was willing to admit; denial was only delaying the inevitable feelings that had become too heavy to bear. How embarrassing; Aiura's reverse psychology had not worked on Saiki-kun; but it absolutely tore her up inside. She prayed to god that the master of unrequited love had some experience with it.
"Please come over as soon as you can," she messaged Chiyo, tacking on an embarrassed emoji to the end of her message.
Chiyo sent an ambulance sticker within 5 seconds of receiving the message. Girlfriends were one of the best gifts god had given her.
"So, what's on your mind, Kokomi?" Chiyo said, grinning coyly as she flopped down on the bed next to her friend. If it wasn't obvious enough from her message, Kokomi's bright red face and bashful posture conveyed that her feelings were ones Chiyo would be elated to stoke.
"Lately I've been having these feelings…" Kokomi stopped short, opening and closing her mouth, her lips trembling indecisively.
Chiyo leaned in, her face stretched into a wide, expectant grin. "Come on, Kokomi, it's ok. You can tell me," Chiyo gently urged, though Kokomi knew Chiyo's thoughts were awash with love-brained panting.
"Uh, well…," Kokomi whispered shyly, fidgeting with her hair, "I guess I should tell you that Saiki-kun and I are official now…"
Chiyo squealed with joy, wrapped Kokomi in a big hug, and squished her cheek into her friend's. "You are just so cute I could die! I'm so happy for you, Kokomi! You have to tell me how it happened; did he scoop you up like a princess and confess his undying love for you? Did you waltz in the sunset and end the night with a passionate kiss?" Chiyo unstuck herself from Kokomi's face; Chiyo's eyes shone brightly, staring straight into Kokomi's soul.
"No, it wasn't anything like that; we haven't kissed yet," Kokomi said, her fidgeting becoming more nervous. "Besides, I have something else to talk to you about…"
"Nope, you're not getting anything out of me until you spill," Chiyo said, turning her nose up with a defiant grin.
"Chiyo, please…"
"This is non-negotiable."
Kokomi sighed heavily. "Ok, you win. It was on New Year's Day while everyone was at the shrine…"
"Who confessed?" Chiyo's face suddenly stopped centimeters before hers. Straightforward as ever.
"It was him, actually…" Kokomi's face still burned red, but a comfortable smile started to embrace her face. It really was a great day.
"Even the unattainable Saiki succumbed…" Chiyo marveled, but her awe quickly devolved into a smug grin. "Told you so. I don't know which of you is better at denial."
"Ok, ok, I get it. I'm trying my best," Kokomi said shakily and hid her face in her hands.
"I'm sorry, Kokomi, I pushed too hard," Chiyo said, her voice shrinking.
"No, it's ok, really. I need to be better at opening up."
"You don't need to be better at anything with me, just be yourself," Chiyo said soothingly. Kokomi looked up at her to see a warm smile.
Kokomi swallowed and nodded. "…I'm not perfect," she whispered. Kokomi could tell by Chiyo's troubled expression that she wanted nothing more than to shower her perfect pretty friend with compliments and tell her everything was going to be ok, but thought it better to tone down her usual boisterousness to allow Kokomi the room to speak.
"Not just in the sense of 'nobody's perfect', but something much darker. I know exactly how pretty I am; most of the work I've done is to make everyone like me and keep myself at the top of the food chain. I've always thought of myself as better than other women, yet I still cut them down and push them out. These were things I came to accept about myself; but now that I've been overcome by certain feelings, I can't help feeling like I'm drowning and it's all my fault. I'm jealous and nasty and…"
Chiyo pulled Kokomi into a hug and gently rubbed her back while Kokomi shook and stained Chiyo's top with tears.
"It's ok, Kokomi. We girls compete with each other much more often than we should; we know exactly how a jealous girl feels because we've felt it ourselves yet still feel the need to inflict it on others. I guarantee if the situation were reversed, I would have done the same. If I had known you were attracted to Saiki, I would not have hesitated to compete with you even if I knew deep down I had no chance."
"You were attracted to Saiki-kun?" Kokomi perked up.
"A long time ago, I was. Then again, my feelings are as fickle as the wind; it'd have been weird if I wasn't attracted to him at some point," Chiyo said with a shrug.
"When did it stop?"
"During the school trip when Kaidou defended me and saved you from those guys. At that point, I thought you were attracted to Nendou."
That brat definitely had something to do with this; I'm going to give him a piece of my mind later, Kokomi fumed.
Kokomi paused, then shook her head. "High school boys are stupid, Chiyo. Being blessed with good genes doesn't make me better than you."
"It's not just good genes, Kokomi; you work much harder than I do. It's even tougher for you because you can never tell who's in it for your beauty."
"Well, when you're as experienced as I am, you learn to figure it out quickly," Kokomi said bitterly.
Chiyo flinched. "I'm sorry, Kokomi."
"Don't be. It's my fault, really."
"Kokomi!" Chiyo scolded her, "I know you're having a rough time, but I'm not going to let you say mean things about yourself."
Kokomi sniffled and rubbed her red-rimmed eyes. "Okay, okay, I understand."
"Speaking of experience, though, how's it going with your boyfriend?" Chiyo said, grinning and fluttering her eyebrows mischievously.
Kokomi's face exploded red, her glassy eyes the only indication that she had been crying. "That's what I came to talk about…" she stuttered, pressing her fingertips together and ducking her head. "He hasn't initiated anything yet, not even holding hands; we actually still haven't held hands."
"Kokomi, I swear, if he's a vegetarian…" she said, tightly balling her fist in front of her face, ready to punch Saiki for his sins against Kokomi.
"I'm not sure if he is; if I thought he was cryptic about his emotions, he's somehow worse about his physicality. He's nice enough to let me hang off of him, at least."
"But you're frustrated because you want more."
Kokomi shivered and nodded in assent. "I can't stop it; it makes me feel so dirty because he hasn't rejected me, but I don't want to push him."
"And he also doesn't want your relationship public?" Chiyo said, rolling her eyes.
"Yes," Kokomi whispered sheepishly.
"Figures," Chiyo scoffed. "That guy needs to compromise more."
"What? He already lets me do whatever I want to him; I don't want to force him to reciprocate… I just don't like it because the urges keep getting stronger and I don't know what I'm going to do eventually…" she trailed off, trying to swallow the weight of her words.
"It's really normal for a girl to want to jump her boyfriend…"
"Don't say it!" Kokomi squeaked, burying her face in her hands.
"I'm shocked he hasn't tried to rip your clothes off yet, to be honest. I can't believe that you managed to find the one guy that's a bigger prude than your façade," Chiyo said, eyeing Kokomi sympathetically.
"Do you have experience with feelings like this?"
Chiyo blew a raspberry. "Of course! My heart wouldn't flutter so easily if I was only infatuated with the idea of a relationship. I dieted for months to get people interested, made up fantasies of being dominated by Kaidou, and told him to punish me in broad daylight," she said with a shameless shrug.
Chiyo was definitely the right person to come to. For some reason she had a feeling the brat was involved somewhere in there, too.
"So, what are your symptoms?" Chiyo asked, a hungry look spread across her face.
"Butterflies, heart pounding, uh, kissing him while he was sleeping…" Kokomi whispered, wincing at the last part.
"You haven't kissed him while he was awake, but you're sleeping together?! What is this progression?" Chiyo squealed.
"It's not like that!"
"Then what is it?"
"He… He wasn't feeling well; I wanted to let him sleep; but I couldn't help myself."
Chiyo nodded sagely, but her thoughtful expression only lasted for a moment before it reverted back to love-brained chaos.
"And a kiss?!"
"It was only on the cheek!"
"I don't know how you haven't cracked; I nearly did for guys that I didn't even like all that much!"
"What would you do, then?"
Chiyo crossed her arms and shook her head. "That needs to come from you. All I know is that any good boyfriend wants to take care of his partner. You got this, Kokomi." Chiyo gave her friend a confident smile.
"Thanks, Chiyo. I'm glad I called you. Thanks especially for letting me open up to you," Kokomi said, returning a soft smile.
"I wouldn't have forgiven you if you stayed quiet," Chiyo laughed.
Kokomi bowed her head, considering briefly; lie or not, she wanted what she wanted; going after it was, in a way, its own truth. Teruhashi Kokomi was a jealous, nasty, and willful girl; pretending otherwise would be out of character. They were in a relationship, so he needed to own up to it. She wanted him all to herself; she needed to start acting like it. It was time for her to go on the attack. She looked up to Chiyo and gave her a determined nod.
"I won't tell you how to take your man; but I will tell you that you need to take care of yourself if you haven't been already."
"What do you mean? What are you talking about?" Kokomi said, her eyes shifting and her face heating up.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about. You have needs; he's not meeting them. Simple as that," Chiyo grinned mischievously.
"N-n-no, I can't do that! That's something I could never do! Why, I'd never!" Kokomi stammered, despite being perfectly content with prurient printed media. Her thoughts came to a screeching halt; her face blanched. Had he been truly lost in thought during the ear cleaning?
Did he hear me thinking about Ero… God, do something about this! she pleaded desperately, but the pit growing in her stomach suggested that god was out of office. Was she worse than Toritsuka? Nononono… Hot pinpricks stung the corners of her eyes; she felt tears form despite her attempts to force them back.
"Kokomi?" Chiyo's voice rang in her head; Kokomi felt an arm on her back. "It's perfectly normal to keep things from people."
Kokomi wiped her tears. As much as she wanted to deny it, the truth refused to stay silent. She and Saiki-kun knew the other's secret, he long before her; and the world hadn't ended. Chiyo and Kokomi shared secrets, and nothing had gone wrong. The only person she hurt by shutting the truth away was herself.
"I'm sorry… I didn't know it meant that much to you," Chiyo apologized softly.
"No, it's fine-" Kokomi shook her head- "I needed to hear it. I don't want to pretend anymore."
Everything she did to deviate from expectation was profane: her relationship, her thoughts, her desires, all of it. While her veneer had been stripped off long ago, revealing a grotesque visage of conceit, need for validation, and need for control, there was a fourth aspect that had been so ingrained, she didn't even notice it: denial. Denial was the glue that held her persona together; the only way she ever could have made it this far was to deny herself enough until she truly believed she was perfect.
She sat up and locked eyes with Chiyo, her puffy, red rimmed eyelids in full view. Chiyo gave her a soft, reassuring smile.
"You're amazing, Kokomi."
"I know."
Saiki found himself thinking about her even more recently. He wasn't sure why; and it rankled him; it was difficult enough to control himself as it was. Any slip-up could cause his powers to surge; so any change to his mental state he couldn't understand vexed him greatly.
You don't need to be a hero.
These words echoed in his mind more frequently as well. Was this another consequence of his lack of emotional depth?
He jumped at the sound of a buzzing noise. Oh, she was here.
"Pardon the intrusion!" she chirped, slipping past him to take off her shoes and enter the Saikis' living area. He felt a chill as she glided by; the winter breeze that followed her glanced off of her body, causing him to shiver. But there was something else that came with it, pinpricks of static that spread through his body wherever he felt the wind contact. It was unsettling, but not entirely unpleasant.
We're in a relationship now, no need for formalities, he said flatly.
Her eyes widened. "Sorry, sorry. Force of habit," she said, her gaze darkening.
He felt a pang of regret in his heart, chastising himself for being short with her. What was going on?
No, I'm sorry, he muttered, furrowing his brow seriously.
"Are you alright?" she asked. She quickly glanced over him, tilting her body to explore every area she couldn't see directly.
His furrowed brow deepened when he caught her gaze. He needed to tell her, no matter how tightly his stomach knotted from the prospect of it.
I'm alright. Let's just sit on the couch.
Her eyes shifted as if trying to decide on being concerned or determined. She nodded in approval. When they got to the couch, she observed him closely, catching the weight in his tone.
I… I've been having a lot of feelings and thoughts I can't understand recently… he trailed off. He felt a slug of guilt drop into his stomach. He couldn't continue this thought; rather, he didn't want to. The only thing he could understand was that he disliked how much trouble forcing her to be dragged along by his inadequacies gave her.
"It's ok, really. I have plenty, too. You're not alone," she whispered, showing him a warm, kind smile. It would be an insult to tell her how much his powers could hurt her if he lost control; she shouldered that same responsibility. At the same time, it didn't feel right to recklessly welcome the risk of accidentally karate chopping her body in half or sending her to a burn unit.
I don't like it when I can't control my thoughts. It clouds my decision making and makes my powers much more volatile, he said, grimacing. He felt her lean closer to him and her fingers approach his hand planted firmly on the couch.
Too close! he wanted to say, but found the words unable to form. Looking into her face was a huge mistake; it had become a manic, spinning kaleidoscope of muscles, bones, and her perfect skin, constantly switching between the 3 at erratic intervals. He glanced down to see her hand resting close to his; the shutters of his x-ray vision spared no mercy to the hand despite its proximity to his. Terror gripped him. He wanted to run; but his chest squeezed and a weight dropped into it, anchoring him in place. She could send his powers out of control in an instant, yet another reminder of the cruel reality he faced. In under a second, he could become consumed by fear and turn the person he trusted the most into something that he wanted to run from. How could he live the rest of his life like this?
I can't.
He looked back up to her face for reassurance but nearly recoiled at the now accelerated shuttering of anatomical horror. However, like a flickering old projector, an expression emerged, a calm, kind, and inviting smile. That was all he needed.
Their palms interlocked. His x-ray vision fell silent; her face became the kind, charming, and otherworldly pretty one he had come to cherish. Despite the dull static in his head, he felt incredibly relieved and refreshed. They typically ignored the romance laws governing the order, timeline, and intimacy of physical contact, hand holding perhaps the most egregious of their violations; now that he experienced it, he realized that it was likely better that way. Legs felt nice to lay on and hugs comfortable to receive, but hands had an articulate quality to them that the others could never hope to match. Teruhashi's awful rom coms always made a drawn-out show of first hand holding scenes intended to milk out some cliché love catharsis, a trope so tired that some shows of that ilk even tried to satirize it.
Despite all the times he had rolled his eyes at the obvious setups, he found himself agreeing with them a little bit, albeit extremely begrudgingly. He could feel every single muscle movement in her small, soft hand. Even if was suddenly stricken with blindness, he could still feel her emotions from the way it tightened, pulled, and pushed. Hugs traded intimacy for clothes; hands had no such issue.
"S-Saiki-kun?" Teruhashi perked up, her expression a mix of emotions he was not nearly qualified to understand. She shifted her gaze between their hands and his face until settling staring into his eyes. Her blue eyes shone and her face creased in a manner he hadn't seen before.
What's the big deal? It's just hand holding.
It seemed like she didn't hear him. Did he project that out? He had to have, right?
"Are you ok?" she said softly, her eyes adding concern to her incomprehensible expression. This is why he hated art.
I'm fine, he said, but refused to let go of her hand.
Her brow furrowed slightly. She looked confused, and for some reason he felt the same. Why?
"Saiki-kun, are you ok?" she repeated.
Now he understood why he was confused.
Confused people tend to have thoughts.
"You look like you can hear me, but you're not responding."
What is this, a phone call?
He shook his head briefly.
I'm fine. I promise.
She seemed to have heard him, nodding slowly and casting her eyes elsewhere to consider, but not before insistently pulling herself into him, resting on his shoulder with his arm across her chest. She let out a satisfied giggle, wrapped her free arm around his, and nestled further into his shoulder. Maybe this new mutation of love brain could eliminate all thoughts, essentially making the sufferer into a Nendou. Terrifying.
"So, Saiki-kun, we're home alone, right? I hope your parents don't get back soon…" she trailed off, looking up at him with pleading eyes. Definitely love brain.
Are you going to ignore everything that just happened? Saiki said, raising his eyebrow.
She giggled and shook her head. "I'm not, I'm just really happy."
I don't understand girls, he grumbled.
"Hey, Saiki-kun."
Hmm? Only until he looked into her eyes did he realize this move was calculated, and he had made a huge mistake falling for it.
"Made you look," she said, giggling more. Her look was a complicated mixture of enticing, innocent, and needy. Her giddiness made her eyes more smiley, but they had a focus to them similar to Toritsuka's playboy spirit. Her face, especially her lips, had become more pouty. He didn't hate her pouting face, but there was no way she knew that, right? She shimmied herself further into him, hugged his arm closer, and squeezed her shoulders together, her chest closing on his arm as if to keep him from getting away.
What are you doing?
"Oh, nothing. Just getting comfortable," she said innocuously.
What do you want?
"You can read my mind, can't you?"
What?
"Although I guess if you could, you would have reacted by now…" She puffed out her lips and touched it with her finger as if in consideration.
He recoiled at the thoughts that flooded back into his mind; she and the pest were a lot more similar than he thought. Good grief, how long had that been going on? His arm started to warm, but an inexplicable shiver ran down his spine. 3 sudden tremors shook the house, causing her to squeak and let go of his arm, but a knot and a burn still turned in his stomach.
"W-what happened?"
He pressed his lips into a tight line and furrowed his brow, but stayed silent. Unfortunately, distraction and silence would not stop her from putting it together this time.
"The last time this happened, Kurumi-san immediately turned to Saiki-kun; so they must be linked! So, why now?"
Please don't think about it too much…
"But it matters to me! Is this what you meant when you said that your powers become more volatile?"
He nodded seriously. It could have turned out much worse.
Her expression turned sullen. "I should have known better. I'm sorry," she said, her voice wavering.
Don't be. I wish I didn't have these powers; I've caused you so much trouble because of them.
Her expression snapped from sullen to serious in an instant. "It'll be even more trouble if you keep feeling sorry for yourself. If you want to make it up to me, then learn to accept them, because I'm not going anywhere." She considered for a moment, and then pushed her hair aside to reveal the nape of her neck. "Touch here, without your glove."
His eyes shifted; his hand stayed. The unknown unnerved him, but he wasn't going to run. He carefully pulled off the glove and slowly reached toward her. A small current pulsed through his hand as laid his fingers on her neck. Her skin was cool and delicate to the touch but strong, as the muscles and bones of her neck pushed back against the light pressure. She shivered under his fingers, but showed him a memory of a recent conversation with Yumehara. His mind wavered at the topic; it was uncomfortable, to put it lightly; and her memory seemed to agree. Denial was a coping mechanism he was very familiar with. Could he feel these things for her? Did he feel them already?
Dude is jealous with a capital J.
Was he lying to himself? She belonged to herself, so who was he to try and possess her? If he were to do that, he would be forcing his will on her, to take on the risk of his powers misfiring and hurting her; if he wasn't careful, she could be killed. The world would plunge into chaos because he made a mistake, because he dared to cross the line, because he selfishly wanted to be normal. His breath caught.
She would be gone forever.
But what did she want?
Teruhashi-san.
"Saiki-kun?" she said, looking over her shoulder.
You could be killed, he said gravely.
"I understand and accept that. When I first discovered your powers, I realized that in pursuing you I could have made you into a love slave, no matter how obstinate you were. I don't know what I would have done if I did, but I decided to push forward anyway because I was, am, and always will be a selfish, nasty, and jealous girl. If it's you, it's ok; I don't want to live half of a life anymore; and I won't take anyone else. I want to be a normal girl. I trust you."
…I can't resist god's scenario any longer. You win once again, Teruhashi-san.
His pulse quickened, his breath shallowed, and his fingers fell from her neck. He doubled over, and his body shook. Noises echoed in his head, growing louder with each passing moment. As they grew louder, he realized these sounds did not originate in his mind; they were voices, growing in both volume and density, overlapping each other as if he were on a busy street. His telepathy was growing stronger, yet he felt a heady burn in his chest and blood pumping through his veins, invigorated but at the same time, anxious. He felt powerful. Was this… a thrill? It wasn't all consuming in the way that others seemed to experience it, but it still felt unmistakably potent.
"Saiki-kun?" he heard. Her voice seemed so far away, yet her face was right next to his.
Saiki cleared his throat. His tongue and his vocal cords were a bit unsure, but he was still able to move it as he needed. Teruhashi jumped at the noise, but still eyed him inquisitively.
"Thank you, Teruhashi-san."
Her eyes lit up. "Your voice! It…"
"Doesn't sound right."
"No! It sounds, uh, good!" she stammered, blushing beet red.
"Ugh, he sounds so manly, I can't stand it!" she thought, referring to the more gravelly tone than she was accustomed to, owing to his throat's lack of use.
"Don't get used to it. Once my body adjusts, it'll sound like telepathy," he said, grinning mischievously. He wasn't actually sure about that, but he wasn't going to pass up a chance to tease her.
"You're no fun," she pouted, crossing her arms and blowing a lock of hair out of her face. "So, why suddenly use your voice?"
"You could call it a 'show of good faith'."
"Ugh, why won't you just tell me?" she whined, punching his arm playfully.
"I can't give you all of my secrets, can I?"
"Says the psychic brat. I don't appreciate you meddling with Chiyo and I's relationships, by the way."
"Says the girl who kisses guys while they're asleep," he taunted her. It was her fault for letting him see that.
Her eyes spun out of control, her arms flailed, and her face flushed a deep scarlet. "H-h-hey! It was a private and embarrassing memory even without that! Please d-d-don't make me regret it!" she stammered nearly incoherently; he still had to fill in some of the blanks with her thoughts.
She had a point. Telepathy had only caused judgment and jealousy; and he couldn't let it hurt her any longer, especially when she made herself so vulnerable; he had seen it surge and recede enough to start testing how to control it. It was time to make himself normal.
He let out a low chuckle. "You're right. I'm sorry, Teruhashi-san."