Kim stared at the blank screen, trying to comprehend what she had seen. One more set of powers. Multiple times they'd been called in. Babies. Engagement. Marriage. Sure, this video covered the Power Ranger history, but it also covered her history with Tommy. Huge portions of it that she could barely believe had happened. How was this her life?
"I…I think I should start with when I met Tommy again," Kim whispered as she pulled Tommy's sweater closer to her and caught a whiff of his scent. Calm washed over her as she buried her face in the sweater and she suddenly remembered Trini was there. Trini gave her a knowing look as she nodded for her to follow her back upstairs, apparently burying her face in Tommy's clothing was still common. "This is my life?"
"Yeah and I can see why he didn't show you this, because you're now really freaked out," Trini said as Kim slowly nodded. "What part is freaking you out most?"
"All of it Trini. It's better than anything I've been able to imagine and I…I don't know how I live up to that to who I was before I got hurt. I don't want to let them down," Kim said as they emerged back into the house proper and she headed straight for her bedroom. She rummaged through the journals until she found one from around the time she would have moved back out here and flipped through, searching for Tommy's name. She noticed that her entries from Miami were short, with a bit of detail here and there about something that Ollie had done. She then flipped to a page and she realized she had written for pages.
Ollie asked about his father again and I don't know what I'm supposed to tell him. It was easier when he was younger, but he's put together that kids have mommies and daddies and he just has me. How do I tell him that I never told his father about him? How do I tell him that I pushed the man away that I know, in my gut, would be the best father to him? That I pushed Tommy away to protect him from the life and responsibilities that Tommy had. That I pushed him away so that Tommy would not have to make the hard choice to abandon the world for us. I can't even tell him the life that Tommy and I…the life that we had before we made him. The life that Tommy offered to me after Murianthius and that I ran again, because Tommy was…is still in too deep.
I want Ollie to know him, but I don't know if I can face him. I don't know if I can tell him that he has a son, a son that is so much like him and that I've hidden him away. That I took a choice from him that wasn't mine to take. But even with that, with how mad I know he'll be, I miss him. I miss having Tommy in my life. I miss his laugh. I miss his hugs. I miss his voice. I don't know that I can get over a man that I miss so much…
Kim continued reading as she walked back out to the deck, thankful when Trini put a cup of coffee next to her and a handful of additional journals. She was hit with how alone she had felt, how much she had craved a chance to just get to tell Tommy about his son. She had craved another chance with him and it was obvious she had taken it. She looked over at the stack and came to the realization that so many of the journals must have been written since they'd come back to each other.
"I think you have some sort of code, but I don't know what it means," Trini said as she opened one of the journals and Kim saw a star and a happy face scribbled on the page. "This happens to be the day Tommy asked you to marry him, but you've got a lot to catch up on before you should get to that."
"Oh c'mon, who says I need to go in order?" Kim joked as she tried to snatch the journal from Trini but she jumped out of her reach. "Triniiiii."
"You don't get to skip over the hard stuff Kim, but from what I've seen there are a lot more star smiley faces going forward," Trini said as she deposited more journals between them and Kim stared at them. "I tried to put them in order, I may have missed some. I didn't realize you had this many."
Jason sent me two plane tickets. He sent me two fucking plane tickets. What the hell was he thinking? He's been insistent in the past that I should come back to Angel Grove, that I should come see everyone, but he's never done this. And I know. I know that this time, this time he is going to make me see Tommy. Why does he have to do this? Why does he have to push me into something that I'm not ready for? Why is he ambushing Tommy with not only his ex-girlfriend, but a son that he has never met? A son that he doesn't know about. I get that Jason just wants what is best for me, but shouldn't I get to decide….
I made it to California and I saw Tommy. Saw is a bit of an understatement actually. He picked us up at the airport and I promptly had a panic attack at seeing the boy that had turned into a man that still holds part of my heart. And Tommy was…is…I could see in his eyes that he'd never stopped caring about me. Just like I'd never stopped caring about him. But Ollie, Ollie is so mad. I get why he'd be mad and I think even if I hadn't gotten powers, I would have moved back to California. I would have moved back for them…
We closed on the dojo today. On me buying into half of the place that Tommy has created, so that we have a chance to actually be us again. I've been slowly losing my mind with the struggle to stay purely professional with him. I didn't think he would ever really want to try again and took the job when he offered it. If I had known then what I know now- I would have found another job and given us…given us a chance to try to do this earlier. Ollie is struggling being between houses, I am struggling with not going to Tommy with my day to day life. I want him here. I want him back in my life, really back in my life. I don't know how we're going to do that. I don't know if we can do that…
Tommy is here now. We're living together. It's not the way I ever thought it would happen, but I can't help but be glad to have him here. It's the only way that I can feel even remotely sure that both of my boys are safe. I never thought Hayley would do this. I knew she didn't like me, but I didn't think that it had crossed this line into hatred. Hatred that could have hurt Ollie or any of the other ranger children. All because Tommy and I have decided to give it a second go. All because I came back to California and told him that he had a son. All because we still loved each other and he tried to date someone else…
"Trini- who's Hayley?" Kim asked as Trini looked up from her book and she waited. She saw the pain cross Trini's face and she let out a sigh. So Hayley was someone that had meant something to all of them. "Tri?"
"She's part of how you got to where you are right now. Tommy dated her for a little bit at the beginning of college and then it seemed like she was fine being his friend when he broke up with her. We all met her and hung out with her for years, but when you came back…there were a couple of instances where she nearly got you and Tommy killed. Tommy put his foot down about her accepting you and she never did. We don't know what pushed her to turn the way she did, but she…you're not there yet, but she kidnapped Ollie and then faked her own death," Trini said as Kim stared at her, the disbelief washing over her. Someone hated her enough to try to kill her? And she wasn't evil or a monster? She was just a normal human who had been hurt? "Tommy could tell you more."
"I…did I push him to do that?" Kim asked and Trini shook her head no. "Then why would he…"
"It put all of you in danger and he thought it would be best to protect all of you. You agreed with him," Trini said and Kim nodded. She looked at her hands and noticed they were shaking before Trini slid her a protein bar and she let out a sigh. Why couldn't she remember even the basics of caring for herself? "Kim- don't. You've been reading for a few hours and didn't even budge when I went to make food earlier. We're all here for you and I honestly think reading as much of those as you can tonight and tomorrow is what you should do."
"And Sunday?" Kim asked and Trini shrugged. She knew that Tommy was on the fence about coming back home early that morning to have some time with Kim. She could guess that Tommy wanted Kim to ask him to come home, but she just didn't know if Kim would think that she could do that. "Okay, the silences aren't comforting."
"I just want you to do what you want, Kim. But we've all seen how this is affecting your family too and I…" Trini trailed off and Kim stared at her, trying to decipher what she meant. Kim looked back at her journal and then over at Trini. What came next?
I woke up to a letter on my side of the vanity this morning, I never thought Tommy would be one for letters. Letters haven't done him kindly in the past, but I guess he thought this was safer than talking after last night. I blew up. I didn't mean to, but I need things from him that he just hasn't done and instead of talking to him, I blew up. I'm done with this pregnancy and morning sickness all day long and my body aching and I just, I need more from Tommy. And in the most Tommy way ever, he let me know that he heard me and then he just did the things. I thought I might have to repeat it over and over and I'm still not sure if this will continue, but at least for today there wasn't a single 'should I do this' or 'what about this' when it came to Ollie. I hope this lasts…
Well, I feel like an asshole. The reason Tommy has been so disconnected over the last couple of weeks was because he was planning a surprise for me and Ollie, a trip before this baby comes along that can be just the three of us. Something that we haven't done even though Tommy and I have gone on multiple weekend getaways. Instead of blowing his secret, he looked at what I said he wasn't doing and just did those things. When I told him that I was sorry for the other stuff though, he told me that I had a point. It didn't matter that he was planning something great when he was failing me on the everyday stuff. The stuff that I needed him for more than I needed three days in the mountains. I love that man and I'm so grateful he meets me where I am…
Landon is four months old and nothing fucking fits. I've been exercising. I'm breastfeeding. I'm running after a nine year old and a four month old while still pulling my hours at the dojo and I cannot get back to my pre-baby body. It was so easy with Ollie. It was so easy to just go grab my old clothes and they fit. I don't even feel good in my leggings- which should have all the stretch to accommodate my new body. Trini suggested that I just keep wearing my maternity stuff, but I don't feel like myself in that and I want to feel like myself. I want to feel pretty again…
Landon turned six months old today and Tommy nearly broke me. He came in with flowers and groceries tonight, both of which are normal for us. What I didn't expect was for Kira to show up ten minutes later and say that she was babysitting for the night. She's just finished up her first year of college and is back for the summer. Tommy and I rode out to the lab on the backside of the property and he just held me and waited. I don't know how he knew that I've been so down the last couple of months, but he did. I lost it. I lost it in a way I haven't let myself lose it in a long time and instead of getting mad- he apologized. He apologized for not noticing sooner and taking time to sit down with me to figure out what was going on. He apologized for assuming that I was okay until it was very obvious that I was not okay. I didn't have this with Ollie, I didn't have this support system, so I sank away from most of the help that he could offer me. But tonight, today…that's going to change, no more trying to go it alone. As Tommy reminded me- I've got him now…
We had to cancel our wedding. Not because we're having problems, but because Tommy and I were pulled into a battle earlier this week and we're both so bruised that there is no way we are going to be able to walk down the aisle. At first I insisted we push through and just have the wedding, but Tommy saw how much it upset me that it wasn't going to be exactly what we wanted. That we would have to hide the pictures off to the side because our bodies are so bruised that no amount of make up would hide it. That we would not be able to look back at this day and be happy about it. I'm so glad he spoke up when I couldn't. I'm glad he saw me.
"Trini…how many times…" Kim trailed off as she realized the other chair was empty and slowly uncurled her body and gave it a stretch. She glanced down at her watch and realized it had been hours since she had last looked up. She grabbed her journals and walked back into the house, content to be in for the night as the cool air started to descend on their home. She could see the thick banks of fog rolling towards the house and shook as she locked the door. She hadn't found nights like this creepy over the last couple of weeks, but Tommy had been here. Even though she had kept her space from him, he was here and she knew she was safe with him. "Trini?"
"Hey- I was just making us some tea…what's up?" Trini asked as Kim walked into the kitchen and spread out her journals on the counter. She hopped onto a barstool and gave Trini a small smile when she took a sip. "Kim…"
"How many times have we been called back in?" Kim asked and Trini let out a sigh. She needed this answer, but she didn't have the patience to read through her journals to figure it out. "Look- I can't read through eight more years of stuff to figure it out. I need to know."
"I don't know. Tommy and you didn't tell us about a lot of it and we didn't ask. It kept everyone safer that way. I do know about a couple of times when Jason was also called in, but…" Trini trailed off as Kim grabbed her phone and started looking for Tommy's number. She scrolled and scrolled and suddenly realized that she must not have put him in under his name. While she had answered texts and calls from him, she didn't pay attention to what she had named him.
"What the hell would I have called Tommy?" Kim muttered to herself as she scrolled past the T's and he was not there.
"Seriously?" Trini said as she leaned over her shoulder and Kim offered her phone to her. The both of them scrolled and scrolled and scrolled, even looking at her call history wasn't super helpful as it seemed almost everyone had a nickname.
"Handsome," Kim whispered as she saw the nickname slide by and she stopped. Of course that is what he'd be in her phone as. She also realized how much he had called her in the last several weeks and how she had just automatically picked up without bringing together this association. "Will he even have service?"
"Out at the cabin? I don't know, but it's worth a try," Trini said as Kim looked up at the clock and realized how late it was. "Kim, he won't care if it's late. He's never cared if it was late- call."
Kim felt nervous and she realized it must have been the first time in years that she had felt this way when calling Tommy. It felt unfamiliar in her body, but so familiar in her mind. This was what she had lived day after day when she was in Miami. When she had called and hoped that he would be there to answer at all. She found herself calling now and hoping that he would answer again.
"Hello," Tommy croaked and she let out a sigh of relief. She heard him scrambling on the other end of the phone, obviously recognizing who it was and suddenly wide awake. "Baby? You okay?"
"Yeah, you were asleep," Kim stated and she saw Trini motion that she was going to head back to the guest room. She moved over to the couch that Tommy had slept on for so many nights and looked around for the blankets he had used. She saw them piled in the corner, hidden from the kids, and she grabbed them before burrowing under them. His scent surrounded her again and she inhaled deeply. "I…I'm sorry."
"Don't be- what's going on?" Tommy asked and she heard the calm return to his voice. She tried to see him in her mind, like she always did, but it just didn't feel quite right. She didn't have him memorized the way she once did.
"I wish I could see you," Kim whispered and her phone started ringing in a different way and she stared at an image of herself before clicking the green button. Tommy's face appeared and she saw the relief flood his features. "Hi, Handsome."
"Hey, Beautiful. Why are you on the couch?" Tommy asked and she watched him sit up and turn on a couple more lights. She stared at him as she tried to figure out what to say. She knew what she had called for, but suddenly she just wanted him here.
"I…I was calling because I'm reading my journals and I got to the point where we pushed back our wedding because we got pulled in and I wanted to know how many more times something like that happened and Trini didn't know…but now I…I just want you home," Kim whispered as she gripped the blanket extra tight to her. "I don't want you to feel bad, I just…"
"How about this…I'll be home early Sunday and we can have the morning to ourselves," Tommy said and she hastily nodded. She went silent as she curled up in the blanket and felt her eyes getting heavy.
"I get it, Tommy. I get why it hurt you so much when I said all of that. I'm so sorry that I…" Kim trailed off as the sobs overtook her and she tried to calm herself. She heard him saying something to her, soothing her, and the next thing she realized Trini was standing in front of her. She wrapped her up and the sobs continued. She had finally broken and as much as she hated it, she knew that this was going to help her move forward.