The next morning Eiji entered Ash's room. It was still early so Ash was still sleeping. Eiji sat on the chair next to his bed and waited for him to wake up. The blinds had only been raised a bit upward so that the bright daylight wouldn't wake him up. Since the blinds, as well as the majority of the medical equipment in this hospital, had been shipped from Europe, they were of a dark grey color but had tiny oval holes in it. So the daylight was breaking through them and different patterns drawn by the sunlight danced on Ash's face and hair, giving him a partially golden glow.
Usually Ash had a pained expression on his face, no matter if he was sleeping or unconscious.
But this time he looked really peaceful sleeping like that, his features relaxed for once, some strands of his messy blonde hair having fallen above his eyes. Eiji wanted to move them away from his face, to touch him, hold his hand, just show him he was there but he was too afraid to wake him up. So he just leaned over the right side of his bed. He placed his elbow on the side of his bed, his head resting in his right hand and just watched him sleep. Eiji was so relieved Ash still had a heartbeat he could actually hear. That he could still hear him breathing ... Just hearing these sounds nearly brought tears to his eyes...
Eiji had spent most of last night reflecting for the millionth time on Ash's drastic final decision and his motives for possibly having reacted like that. In part he understood his reasoning and he had always known he was having some suicidal thoughts at times but he was still shocked and sad that he had really given up on his life that easily. That he hadn't valued his life and hadn't gotten help or had even cared what would happen to him. It hurt to realize that Ash had apparently never thought about the people he would leave behind. Like him or Max. But most of all he couldn't forget Ash's relaxed expression when bleeding out, nearly smiling and totally at peace with the world for once. That had shocked him even more than the fact he bled out lying on his farewell letter, Ash's tears mixing in with his messy handwriting, as if that damn letter was his most valuable possession...
Max didn't have to tell him that he was the only one who could convince Ash to come to Japan with him and start a new life there. That he was the only one Ash was actually trusting (even though he was too stubborn to admit that) and really listening to. But Eiji wondered how to approach such a sensitive topic. He was never good at hiding his emotions, especially in front of Ash. He was afraid they would overwhelm him. But Max and Ibe had both convinced him to let his feelings run free because Ash needed to comprehend the gravity of his decision and that he hurt people close to him, even though not intentionally. Even Sing agreed and told him to let it all out, so that idiot would finally understand why Eiji had risked his life to save him. That he needed someone to yell at him what an idiot he really had been. That he really deserved a second chance and a better life with him. That now was his once-in-a-lifetime chance to grasp it. Most of all he had to convince Ash that he wanted to spend his life with Ash as well. With Ash's head-strong personality that wouldn't be easy, that was for sure... So Eiji spent most of last night thinking about that conversation. He worried how he could make that stubborn idiot believe that he deserved a fresh start in life and to come to Japan with him. To a country where he was safe and didn't need a gun to survive. Where he could find the freedom he had always been looking for.
While Eiji tried to come up with a way to start this emotionally loaded conversation his tiredness finally caught up to him. His eyes felt heavier with every minute that passed while sitting there until the elbow supporting his head finally became limp, unable to support his weight any longer and his head slowly descended onto Ash's chest, his right arm falling limply onto Ash's shoulder, his other arm resting at the side of the bed on Ash's pale arm. Since he was still on medication Ash was dead to the world so he didn't notice Eiji's movement at all. He just shifted slightly and slept through all of that.
When Ash finally woke up several hours later the sun was already high up in the sky. He woke up slowly, drowsy from sleep and wondered where the hell he was again and why he was here. He slowly remembered that this was a private hospital Max had taken him to. Those damn painkillers still clouded his mind although according to Max the dosage had apparently been reduced considerably. He eventually wondered why his chest felt so heavy and his breathing felt more difficult than usual ... until he noticed there was someone lying on ... his chest? Why? Who? It took him a moment to realize it was... Eiji? What the hell ...?
"Eiji?", Ash asked in confusion, waiting for a reaction, a hint of a blush running over his face. But why? The first thing that came to his mind was that Eiji must be hurt. While panic surged through him and he tried to check if Eiji was alright, Eiji shifted slightly from Ash's sudden movement, rubbed at his eyes sleepily and looked up at Ash in a daze. "Ash?, he asked in a voice still hoarse from sleep. Relief flooded Ash's pale face and he finally relaxed. When Eiji realized where he was and what or rather who he had been lying on the whole time he quickly shot back, an intense blush suddenly creeping over his face as well.
"I'm so sorry, Ash, are you alright? I must have dozed off. I didn't really get much sleep last night.", he babbled nervously, his cheeks still faintly red while his words were pouring out so lightning fast that even Ash could barely keep up. Ash nearly had to smile but then he realized what Eiji had just told him. "Why?", he asked, worry clouding his green eyes.
"Because we need to talk about what happened, Ash. And I had no idea how to broach such a ... difficult ... topic.", sadness reflected in his downcast brown eyes.
Ash froze up when hearing Eiji's voice falter, bracing himself for what was to come. Bracing himself for the rejection that would undeniably follow. Eiji would surely tell him now that he had hurt him so much that Eiji couldn't take it any longer. That he would leave for Japan and never wanted to see him again after finding him bleeding out. That he had suffered enough while by his side. That he deserved someone better than Ash who didn't permanently endanger his life and put him through so many hardships... And he was right. But why was that still so hard to accept for him? He wanted Eiji to leave him, to be safe, to return home, didn't he...? But still, when Ash only imagined Eiji leaving him, panic rose up inside of him, gripping his blanket so tightly his arms were trembling and his knuckles turned white as a sheet.
When Eiji noticed Ash's inner turmoil he sat on the side of his bed and just placed one hand over Ash's, tentatively so he could pull back if he wanted to. He didn't. But he relaxed slightly, the grip on the blanket loosening. "But honestly, Ash, there's no way I'm leaving you. Even if you tell me to. I know you don't really mean it and I wouldn't listen anyway. Especially after that stunt you've just pulled.", he told him reassuringly, his eyes overflowing with compassion while looking into his. Relief flushed through Ash. Not that he would ever admit that... But Eiji saw the light returning to his eyes anyway.
Ash hesitated for a moment. "But...why would you do that? After finding me like that...Just look at the state you're in...you're still in pain... That's all on me..." Shadows of guilt had clouded Ash's eyes again, the brightness sparkling there only seconds ago quickly fading away. "You can't stay here with me, Eiji! I'll only bring you trouble. Just like now!", he called out, suddenly pulling his hand back from Eiji's, crossing his arms in defiance and turning his face away from him towards the window. But Eiji didn't fall for it at all because he had already seen the worry filling his eyes. Why did that idiot always have to be this stubborn? Why couldn't he just be honest for once? At least to himself? Or around him? Ash and his tough-guy act really drove him mad sometimes! He suddenly got up from the bed, turning away from Ash while trying to control his emotions. And failing miserably. His anger finally won out. Sighing, he finally turned back to him, no longer trying to hide his emotions.
"Is that really all you have to say to me? After all we've been through? he shouted at him with unhidden anger displayed on his face.
Ash just stared at him, astonished by his sudden outburst. Eiji was standing in front of him, hands on his hips, his eyes burning golden with anger. Ash had never seen Eiji so furious. But it was so like him, all of his feelings were clearly visible on his face, straight up and honest. Eiji's gaze penetrated his obstinate attitude easily and could see right through his poor tough-guy act. Hell, he was the only one who even dared to speak to him like that. Never scared at all. That was so refreshing that Ash was completely stunned and had no idea how to react at all.
"What do you want me to say?", Ash finally asked bewildered, unsure how to respond to his sudden outburst.
"Oh, I don't know...", Eiji shoved his hands into his pockets while answering in an exasperated voice. "What about thanking me first for saving your damn life? Or for risking my own life for you? Asking if I'm alright? That would be a really good start, Ash." Even if he hid his hands in his hoody's pockets Eiji knew that Ash had noticed them trembling. He had always been really bad at hiding his emotions, especially in front of Ash. So in the end he just gave up trying and just let them run free. Maybe when seeing his agitation Ash would finally give up trying to push him away.
"Oh...", Ash was momentarily taken aback by Eiji's angry attitude, so unlike his normally calm personality. "You're right, Eiji. Sorry." He looked up at him. "Thank you for doing that. Really. It's just that you were the last person I wanted to find me...to see me like that..."He looked down as his trembling hands clenched into fists again, "I thought you'd hate me ... After what I've done this time... So when I woke up the last time and you were gone ... I thought you'd have finally left me for good..." Staring directly at him, Ash added in frustration "Damn, Eiji, I just want you to be safe. But you'll never be safe in New York. Or by my side. And in my pathetic condition I can't even protect you. It's just a matter of time before my enemies will find me here!", Ash tried to explain desperately, swimming in shame at his vulnerable state.
Eiji heaved a sigh in resignation."I know all of that, Ash. But you're not the only one who's worried, you know? I worry about you, too. That's why I've been talking to Ibe, Max and Sing while you were resting. About what we are going to do now. What our next steps are.", Eiji replied honestly, warmth returning to his brown eyes. "And I could never hate you. Even if you are a stubborn idiot." Ash relaxed instantly, Eiji's warmth was contagious and flooded right through him. But then the truth about what he had just told him sank in.
"So you really return home, huh? I understand...after everything I put you through...", Ash turned his downhearted gaze away from Eiji, knowing he would see the sorrow in his eyes. He told him to leave, yeah, but...
Eiji walked over and sat at the side of his bed again, putting a hand on Ash's shoulder, looking directly into his eyes. "No, Ash, I don't think you do. Because with 'what WE are going to do now' I meant 'me and you'. Together.", he explained.
Ash stared at him, wide-eyed, complete confusion rolling over his face. "Huh? What are you saying?"
Eiji couldn't believe it, with his superior intelligence he could outwit even the most dangerous opponents easily but when it came to him he was totally clueless. It made him smile for a second.
"I'm saying that I haven't gone through all the trouble of saving you only to lose you again." Eiji seemed to grow more agitated again, gripping Ash's upper arm tightly while raising his voice with each word. "Ash, you've just practically killed yourself, for God's sake. You didn't even call for help and didn't care what would happen to you at all. But I do care." Ash had to look away from Eiji's penetrating gaze. Again. He just couldn't bear to see his grieving expression. "I won't leave you alone again.", Eiji insisted, forcing Ash to look into his eyes by turning Ash's face in his direction again, a resolute look on his face. Ash's mouth fell open, complete surprise dominating his features.
"Why...?", was all he could manage, at a loss for words.
"Because you're too self-destructive and I worry, ok? Who knows what you'll do the next time I leave you?" Although still shivering a little himself after recalling the memory of finding Ash bleeding out, he took his still pale hand in his. "You don't value your life. You won't outright kill yourself but at this point you wouldn't put up much of a fight either if someone attacked you.", Eiji answered honestly, pain overpowering his voice. "I've told you I'll protect you, even from yourself if necessary.", he finished with an expression radiating pure confidence.
Before Ash even had time to reply anything, Eiji continued, pointing straight at him. "So don't you dare try to make me leave again. That won't work no matter what you say. I'm too stubborn. You should know that by now, Ash.", Eiji finished, a smirk playing on his face, trying to lighten up the mood.
"Eiji, you ...", Ash tried, but was interrupted. Again. Normally Eiji wouldn't be this rude and cut short what other people were saying. Especially not him. But this time Ash would listen to him for once. Without interrupting him. Or that idiot would never understand why he was so mad. So worried. So scared.
"And we both know you don't really mean it.", he continued. "You want me to stay but are just too stubborn to admit that, even to yourself. You're too afraid to long for happiness or a second chance because you think you don't deserve it. But you're still mistaken. After all you went through you deserve a happier life the most. And you should know one other thing: I chose to stay by your side because I wanted to. And I still do. I don't care how dangerous it is. I don't care if I'm hurt either. But I don't want to lose you. Not after barely saving you. This is my decision. And you can't change my mind." In a warmer tone he explained "It's ok to be selfish sometimes, you know? To wish for a better life or to wish to spend your life with someone who cares for you. Who makes you feel safe." Ash gaped at him. Eiji scared him sometimes. Occasionally he forgot that his perfect pokerface didn't work on Eiji at all, that he could just read his thoughts and see his emotions easily, like an open book.
Eiji's brown eyes bored directly into his green ones while stating honestly "Just look into my eyes and tell me straight to my face that you really want me to leave. Then I will." Determination flared up in Eiji's eyes, turning them golden brown. Ash had temporarily forgotten how speech worked. He wanted to tell Eiji to leave, to be safe, to keep his distance from him ... but he just couldn't do it. Not while staring directly into his eyes radiating so much empathy and comfort. His mind went completely blank while drowning in his kind and warm eyes. His compassionate eyes were like a cure for his injured soul, the only ray of light in his cruel world of eternal darkness. He just couldn't give up the only person who made his life worth living. Maybe he could be selfish only once...?
Eiji saw him hesitating and smiled. "That's the answer I wanted to hear."