"It's nothing much. Compared to our hideout in New York...", Eiji said timidly while opening the door to their apartment. Eiji was still standing in the doorway, a trace of worry crossing his face when they entered their apartment for the first time. Following him inside, Ash smiled to himself. That was so typical Eiji. He had probably spent a lot of time looking for an apartment. Which couldn't have been easy from the US. And the only thing that mattered to him was if Ash liked it.
Ash walked around, taking a quick glance at every room. Compared the their fancy hideout in New York their apartment here wasn't exactly big, but it had a room for each of them, a living room, a kitchen and one of these typical Japanese bath rooms he had read about where the toilet and the shower were in different rooms. And they even had a balcony. One he wouldn't get shot at. Probably.
Ash came back, putting an arm around Eiji's shoulder. "It's perfect, Eiji.", his eyes lighting up with joy. "We definitely need more furniture, but the apartment is great. Thanks for arranging that. That must have been hard from New York." Ash frowned barely noticeably, his smile fading. "Sorry I wasn't any help."
Eiji smiled back at him, visibly relieved, the tension instantly leaving his body."It was nothing. Ibe and my mom helped me a lot." Ash just couldn't hide his smirk. Eiji was always too modest. He was sure those two had helped with the formalities or the paperwork, but most of the work had probably been done by Eiji himself. Knowing Eiji, he'd carefully choose an apartment for them, bearing in mind that Ash had never had a real home. So he had probably chosen their apartment with great care before renting it. That's why it was so important to Eiji that Ash liked it as well. But downplaying it as if he hadn't helped at all was totally Eiji.
"You worry too much, Eiji.", he said, ruffling his hair. "You know I didn't buy an 8 million dollar condo because I love luxury. Besides, I like this apartment much more. It's smaller, but it looks much more comfy. And if we've really moved in here, it will look even better." Eiji relaxed, his eyes shining with happiness. "Yeah, you're right, I'm sure it will."
When Eiji woke Ash up the next morning, he was blinking a few times at the sunlight streaming through the window. Since he was a heavy sleeper, Ash wasn't able to remember where he was right away. The unfamiliar room wasn't helping. Panic shot through him, making him suddenly shoot up, nearly colliding with Eiji's head in the process. Until he heard Eiji's voice.
"Ash, calm down, you're in Japan. You're safe, ok?", Eiji calmly reminded him, gripping his shoulder softly. Ash immediately relaxed when seeing Eiji.
"Sorry, I didn't know where I was for a moment.", he apologized, slowly sitting up on the edge of the makeshift bed, a hand covering his face.
"It's ok. You're safe here, I promise. I'm really glad that you're finally here, in Japan, with me.", Eiji reassured him while sitting next to him.
Complete surprise ran over Ash's face while looking at him, then his eyes flashed with relief for a second. "Yeah, me, too…", Ash said hesitantly, still half-asleep, letting himself fall onto the bed again.
Ash, don't go to sleep again.", Eiji scolded him softly. But Ash still saw the trace of a smile hushing over his face."Get up. We have to organize some things.", he said while trying to pull him back up again. And miserably failing.
"Like what?", Ash asked, yawning, but not getting up again. So Eiji lay down next to him.
"Like cleaning the apartment and buying some furniture. And don't you want to see the area where we'll be living from now on? I wanted to show you around Izumo.", Eiji explained patiently.
"Yeah, that sounds great.", Ash agreed, finally sitting up again. "But it's still so damn early, Eiji!", he whined.
Eiji looked at him intensely, shaking his head in disbelief. "Sometimes I wonder how you have survived this long in New York. All your enemies would have had to do was to attack you at 8 am and you'd be completely defenseless. Even I could attack you and succeed.", he said, smirking at him.
"Gangs operate at night, not in broad daylight. We operate from the shadows, using the darkness as cover. The day is for normal people like you.", Ash defended himself.
Eiji leaned closer. "You're a normal and ordinary person like me from now on. Rule number one: Normal people live during the day and sleep during the night."
"Normal life sucks then.", Ash sighed dramatically, then reluctantly drank from the cup Eiji had just handed him. "Shit! That's fucking disgusting! What the hell is that? Tastes as if Yut-Lung has poisoned it!", Ash exclaimed, suddenly wide awake. "Wow, it really worked. You're really awake. And here I always thought my mother was joking when she told me strong green tea would wake anyone up.", Eiji just sneered at him. Ash sighed dramatically and ran a hand through his messy blond hair. "If I get up and shower without dozing off again, will I at least get a strong coffee at a nearby café as a reward?, he groaned sleepily. And I insist on buying a damn coffee machine."
After they had some breakfast at a nearby café, they began walking through Izumo. It was relatively warm, much warmer than in New York at this time of year, with a fresh breeze in the air. Ash had always worried that a small town by the sea would remind him too much of Cape Cod, but Izumo had absolutely nothing in common with that American vacation spot. He was secretly relieved that Izumo looked, felt and smelled differently. Not only their surroundings, the whole area painted a quite contrasting image compared to the supposedly perfect world of white houses that was Cape Cod. Even the wind felt softer. It didn't feel nearly as harsh and strong as in Cape Cod. It was more like a relaxing breeze that actually felt good with these warm temperatures. When realizing that, Ash slowly relaxed and could finally concentrate on all the things Eiji showed him with a gleam of pride in his eyes.
Eiji showed him the surroundings of their apartment, the city center, the college and some of his favorite shops and cafés. Izumo was really like a completely new world to Ash. Exotic and strange, yet somehow beautiful and mysterious. Things were going a bit more slowly in Izumo. The atmosphere was calmer and not as hectic and intense as in New York. People here weren't rushing from one place to the other at lightning speed, but took their time to do their daily routine. The streets were nearly empty at this time of day, probably because it was a normal work day for most people. He really could imagine staying here. People looked at him a bit strangely, but with his blonde hair and green eyes that was to be expected. It was just as Eiji had described it to him. Quiet and peaceful. Safe. He was still on guard, looking around nervously at the beginning. But there was really nothing suspicious or slightly dangerous that drew his attention. Eventually he relaxed more and more.
While they were walking through Izumo, Eiji also showed him the street were his parents were still living.
"Eiji, why didn't your parents come pick you up at the airport? I thought your parents have worried a lot about you? It's not because of me, is it? You didn't want them to see – "
"Ash, stop it.", Eiji said angrily, interrupting him. "I would never ever be ashamed of you, ok?"
I just thought we would need a few days to get used to the time difference and to unpack and organize some things before seeing them.", he explained in a calmer voice. "And you would have been even more nervous if my whole family would have greeted us at the airport.", Eiji continued, smiling, pulling him instantly out of his dark thoughts. Well, Eiji had a point, Ash had to admit at least to himself.
Of course Eiji had only done if for his sake. He felt guilty for even doubting Eiji's pure motives. Again. But it was still a surprise to him that Eiji knew him so well. Just by looking at him. No explanation necessary. Eiji somehow always knew what was going on in his smart mind. Which he was extremely grateful for. Admitting emotions to himself and accept them was hard enough when you had suppressed them for so long. Admitting emotions to someone else was a nearly impossible task for him. It made him feel vulnerable and defenseless. Even if it was Eiji.
The thought of people like Eiji or Max just doing something for him just because they cared was a new concept he still had to get used to. For someone as paranoid and suspicious as him, it would probably take some time to get over his trust issues, he realized sadly.
While Eiji was talking, they had reached his school and Eiji showed him the field and the gym where he had trained. Ash looked at Eiji intensely, a worried look dawning on his face. Because Eiji's eyes had suddenly darkened slightly and there was a trace of pain in his eyes.
"You don't have to show me that, Eiji. Because it's obvious you don't like talking about it.", Ash said honestly.
"Yeah, you're right.", Eiji admitted, but then looked directly into his eyes. "But I don't want to hide things from you either. And if I stop now I'll probably never get the courage to tell you the whole story again." Ash nodded at him, understanding his reasoning.
"You don't know that, but my father has been lying in hospital for a long time. My mom started working because she had to support us. That's why I was really glad that I was a more or less talented pole-vaulter because it kept my mind off other things and I got a scholarship for college because of it. So I could go to college without getting my family into more financial trouble. Pole-vaulting was my way of escaping from the real world. When I pole-vaulted I was happy and forgot all my problems. Maybe it's true what you said. That I knew how to fly. When I was several meters up in the air I felt so happy and absolutely free and invincible. It lasted only a few seconds, but the feeling was still amazing. Absolutely unforgettable." A sad smile had appeared on Eiji's face while remembering that.
Unforgettable, huh? Ash smiled more to himself, remembering his jump in New York. That had been quite unforgettable as well. At least to him. A fact Eiji probably hadn't realized yet. "I've never told you that, Eiji, but the moment in New York where you jumped over that wall, I thought that's how pure freedom looked like. Being able to fly anywhere without any limits. You have no idea how much hope you gave me by jumping over that wall. You often told me I was strong and you admired my willpower and strength. But I think you have never realized that when you did that, you've also showed me what real courage is. Because in that moment I had practically given up, but you just refused to do the same, took immediate action and risked your life with that reckless jump to save some complete strangers you didn't even know. No one had ever done something so incredible for me before. I'll never ever forget how breathtaking it was seeing you jump like that."
When Ash finished he saw his hunch confirmed on Eiji's features which revealed pure surprise. As Ash had assumed, Eiji had never realized how much that jump had stunned him. That was the moment where he had begun to admire Eiji, to see that there was more to him than meets the eye…
"I – I really didn't know that meant so much to you. I didn't – ", Eiji stammered, completely flustered while his cheeks flushed with embarrassment. It was really cute when he looked like that.
"I just wanted you to know that.", he added quietly while looking away from him while pushing some blond strands out of his face.
"Thank you for telling me that. I guess I've never realized that it was such a big deal for you.", Eiji admitted honestly.
"It was the most dangerous, reckless and stupid thing anyone had ever done for me.
Thank you, Eiji. Your jump gave me hope I could free myself from my destiny and fly like you did, free from all the shackles that bound my life to my dark past, to Dino, that city and the syndicate. Eiji just smiled at him softly, holding onto his arm. "You can fly now as well, you know? You just convinced yourself that you can't for too long. Try again. Maybe you'll stumble at first, maybe you'll make a crash-landing, but in the end you'll make it." Ash's eyes lit up with hope for a moment. "Maybe you're right…"
Ash was really surprised about himself. He had probably never been so open and honest with anyone before. But Eiji had never hidden anything from him, had always been telling him the truth, even if he didn't want to hear it. When Eiji began to tell him the story that had probably hurt him the most, the first thought that had occurred to him was to stop him. But he could see in Eiji's sad eyes that he needed someone who would listen, someone who he could tell the whole story to. He had probably never told anyone before. Not all of it at least. He knew exactly how that felt like. Because when he had told Eiji the story about the events in Cape Cod and how he shot his abuser, Eiji hadn't judged him or reacted with disgust, as he had expected. Instead he had stayed and had comforted him, showing him that he wasn't alone. Ash had felt utterly relieved after telling Eiji the truth, especially when Eiji had reacted with compassion and worry instead of disgust and horror. And had stayed by his side even though he knew about his past. Maybe he could do the same for Eiji as well somehow? Or at least try?
They walked on along the school grounds in comfortable silence. Ash didn't want to push Eiji to continue his story. He knew from personal experience that some things were harder to say than others. So he wanted to give him the time he needed to tell him the rest. After a while Eiji finally continued with the worst part of his story.
"After my injury the doctor told me that it would be impossible to continue pole-vaulting on a professional level. Hearing that, my life just shattered into countless little pieces. I got really depressed because I had lost the only thing in my life that was really important to me at the time. That made me feel happy. Alive. That gave my life a meaning. Nothing in my life mattered anymore after that. I couldn't continue college either because I'd loose my scholarship the following semester at the latest. So why bother trying? So I just gave up. I had no perspective what to do with my life anymore. I felt completely useless and empty inside, like a complete failure. I just lost interest in all the things I used to care about. I also broke up all contact to my friends and just kept to myself. I just hated myself and my life.", Eiji explained sadly. "That's when Ibe saw me and told me that I couldn't continue like that. He told me that maybe a change of scenery would be good for me. And if I wanted to come to New York with him for a while.", he finally finished, looking up at him.
"Eiji, thank you for telling me that. Really." Ash touched his shoulder gently while giving him a grateful look. "I'm sorry I've never asked you about your life before coming to New York.", Ash said quietly, looking guiltily at him. "And I'm really sorry you had to go through all of that. That must have been hard for you. But I'm not sorry you came to New York.", Ash admitted honestly.
Eiji's eyes brightened instantly. "Neither am I. I've met you after all. And many other great people."
"But what do you want to do now that you're here again? Doesn't all of this remind you of… what happened? Before you came to New York?", Ash asked, a frown emerging on his forehead. "What if you get depressed again after coming back here?"
"That won't be happening.", Eiji told him with steadfast determination echoing in his voice. "I'm happy now. Because you are here with me. I'm not alone anymore."
Ash could practically feel the faint blush spreading across his cheeks, but he couldn't look away from him now. He still wasn't fully convinced that Eiji would be fine.
"But what if…?", Ash started, his green eyes darkening again with worry.
"I have you.", Eiji said with complete confidence. Ash had to smile despite himself, his eyes brightening again. It sounded so simple. But he saw in Eiji's warm eyes that he truly believed that.
"But what can I even do?", Ash asked sadly.
You are always there to help me. But I never do anything for you in return. With all my emotional baggage and traumatic experiences, how can I ever help or support you…?
"Just stay by my side. That's enough. I know you don't fully understand that yet, Ash, but I need you as well.", Eiji clarified, taking his hand. Ash just stared at him wide-eyed, surprise all over his face. But he didn't pull back. At first he wanted to, but that small gesture felt … he didn't even know how to describe it. It somehow just felt… right? As if they belonged together, inseparable. It was such a small gesture, but Ash realized in that moment that he really wasn't alone anymore. That Eiji really wanted him to stay. Forever. That simple touch of their hands sent a new warmth spreading through his body. He had no idea what that feeling was, but it felt great. It made him feel special. Especially when Eiji was smiling at him like that, a smile reflecting pure happiness as if he was the only person who mattered to him… So he finally gripped Eiji's hand as well, smiling shyly back at him.
With Eiji he felt as if he had found a real home for the first time, a place where he belonged and was accepted just as he was, even with all his emotional scars, his traumatic experiences, his nightmares and his suffering. A comfortable place that was safe and warm where he could always return to. Even if that place was in another, completely foreign world where he couldn't even understand the language. Yet. Maybe Eiji was right and everything would work out as long as they were together? He tightened the hold on his hand.
Sometimes home is not a place, but a person.
Max had told him that once in New York, but at the time he hadn't understood what he had meant by that. Until now.
"So what are you going to do now?", Ash asked after they were heading back to their apartment again.
"I want to finish college and my parents agree with that. But I probably won't get financial aid after taking a break for more than one year and a scholarship it out of the question. And I don't want to be a burden on my family.", Eiji explained sadly.
"Then don't.", Ash simply said. "I'll pay for it. I still have Dino's money."
"No, Ash, you can't! I can't accept that! Do you know how much college fees are until I'm finished?", Eiji exclaimed, his eyes drowning in worry and guilt.
Eiji knew exactly how he felt about Dino's money. That he didn't want to rely on dirty money that had been gained by abusing and killing people. Especially kids like him. He had stolen it in order to hurt and weaken Dino and his syndicate, not because he intended to spend that money. He had no problems spending it for a hideout, weapons and other things helping him destroying Dino and Foxx. But he didn't want to use it for his personal use. Using that bloodstained money would make him feel dirty and disgusting. It would make him feel ashamed of himself. Because of that money he had suffered through unimaginable pain and agony half of his life. Only because Dino wanted to make even more money by using, destroying and killing kids like him. Using that filthy money tainted with blood of innocent kids was a kick in the face of all those victims who had died because of Dino. He had just kept the money as a last resort. He didn't know what to do with it yet. Maybe he'd just donate it anonymously to organizations that were helping kids like him…
But it was something different if it was helping Eiji and his family.
"Probably not more than 80 million US dollars?", Ash grinned at him. "Because that's how much money we have left. So why not spend it on something useful? Besides, you saved my life. More than once. After everything you've done for me that's the least I can do. I've understood by now that Japanese people aren't exactly good at accepting help from others, but make an exception this time, ok? For me?", Ash asked, winking at him. A faint blush spread across Eiji's face before the wrinkles on his forehead appeared again.
"But can you even access the money from Japan?"
He grinned wickedly. "I'm an evil mastermind, remember? The money's naturally under a fake name and the off shore account is well-hidden. But I can access it online anytime. It's dirty money, so I don't want to rely on it for my daily living expenses. But if it's helping you, I don't mind using it.", Ash explained rationally.
"I hate it when you come up with reasonable arguments I can't argue against.", Eiji admitted reluctantly, crossing his arms. "Are you really sure?"
Ash just nodded. "I take that as a yes then.", Ash smirked at him.
Eiji sighed, apparently finally giving up. "You have that stubborn look on your face that tells me you won't accept no for an answer."After a moment, he asked "But what about you? What do you want to do?"
"I guess I'll have to learn Japanese first. And maybe find a part-time job or something like that at the beginning. It would help keep me busy, get money and improve my Japanese skills."
"The college offers Japanese courses, that's easy. But a part-time job will be more difficult. But we'll find a way.", Eiji assured him.
In the afternoon they were busy setting up their apartment, cleaning it, taking the measurements of all the rooms and buying furniture. Ash had actually fun doing that because it kept his smart mind busy. Ash was surprised how easy everything worked out between them. Despite their bickering and their sarcastic remarks that Ash silently loved, they mostly agreed on the most important things. Being with Eiji was just so easy. He loved how Eiji's face always betrayed him when they were discussing something. How he always beamed at him when they were thinking the same thing or agreeing on something. And how his forehead got that tiny frown and his eyes darkened slightly to a chestnut brown when they didn't. How his eyes widened with unhidden surprise when he had told Eiji he didn't take notes of the measurements because he naturally remembered them all perfectly.
After returning Eiji cleaned the kitchen and all the things they had bought, put them away in different shelves or cupboards and installed the coffee machine, Ash put up a table and a few shelves for their living room without breaking a sweat before cleaning the living room as well. Luckily the kitchen was one of the few things they were able to purchase from the previous owner.
A few days later the rest of their furniture was delivered, so their apartment finally felt comfortable and cozy. Ash and Eiji celebrated by enjoying a rather warm spring evening on their balcony with a few beers, enjoying the soft evening breeze. Ash was a bit worried at first, still remembering the scene in New York where Eiji got shot through a window, but slowly relaxed when Eiji took his hand. Living in a peaceful word was what he had wished for, but he still had to get used to the deafening silence and the calm and relaxing atmosphere surrounding him. To someone like him who had been taught always to assume the worst, it felt like the calm before a storm. As if something terrible would happen later when he least expected it. The mere thought scared him to death.
For the first time in his life he was truly happy. So much that it hurt. Because he was so fucking afraid that it wouldn't last. There were moments where he just wanted to escape. To run away from it all. To make sure he couldn't hurt Eiji anymore. His greatest fear was that he somehow put Eiji in danger or that his enemies would find him eventually.
But his fears just dissolved into nothingness every time he looked into Eiji's warm eyes, full of compassion, honesty and comfort. They always pulled him out of his dark thoughts. He could just drown in these eyes. They were like a ray of sunshine at the end of a pitch black tunnel that gave him a glimmer of hope to escape the eternal darkness surrounding him. Maybe he really deserved a happy life as Eiji has already told him so many times? He really wanted to believe that. But it was still hard for him to accept that. But at least he was trying, Eiji always reminded him. Maybe that was enough for now…
After a while, it got chilly on their balcony, so Ash sat on the sofa reading one of his books while Eiji looked through the mountain of photos he had printed out. After a while he walked over to him and sat beside him. "Did you really have to print all of them? You could have just saved them to a SD card or something.", Ash asked curiously. "How many photos did you take? 3000?"
"Probably more. Of course I have saved them all to a SD card as well. Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer to have physical copies of my photos. And those are just the best ones, only 200 or so. I need to hand in a photo project to enroll at college again. I also wanted to use some of these for it.
Eiji looked through the rest together with Ash who was impressed how many photos Eiji had taken of all the places they'd been to. But especially from him and his gang. Unlike the photos of his abusers, Eiji's photos were full of life and mirrored Eiji's pure and innocent look of the world. It made them look special and gave them a unique feeling.
Suddenly, he saw a photo that had piqued his interest. He picked it up. "When did you take that? I can't even remember when that was…", Ash wondered, more speaking to himself while staring at the photo in amazement. It was a photo where were both of them were sitting on a sofa. Eiji sat on the right edge of the sofa while Ash leaned on him, sleeping soundly. His head was resting on Eiji's shoulder, a smile playing on his lips, some strands of his blond hair having fallen over his eyes. Eiji had put an arm protectively around his shoulder, smiling at the camera.
"Oh, that one must have been shortly after we escaped from Dino's mansion. That was one of the evenings when we enjoyed a quiet evening alone for once and watched some movie. After 15 minutes of watching it your head dropped on my shoulder sleeping soundly. Ash stared at the photo for a long time, a deep frown emerging on his face. Apparently Eiji thought Ash was annoyed because he said "I'm sorry, Ash, I probably should have asked you… But I didn't want to wake you up."
Why?", Ash asked him while still staring at the photo intensely.
"Your face looked so peaceful. I just couldn't do it. At that moment I promised myself to protect you. Always."
"I can protect m – ", Ash began, glaring at him.
"I know that.", Eiji said, taking his hand again. "But that doesn't mean I want to protect you any less.", Eiji tried to explain while looking at the photo as well. "I took that photo because I loved that relaxed expression on your face. I wanted that moment of peace to last forever. Frozen in time. Especially for you. That's why I took that picture. Are you angry?", he asked, his voice resonating with a hint of worry.
"No, why would you think that?", Ash exclaimed slightly irritated, looking directly at him.
"Your face looked kind of weird. You haven't stopped staring at the picture. You were burning holes into it.", Eiji clarified.
"Oh. I just … didn't know I could look like that…" He hesitated for a moment. "So … at ease, so, I don't know, happy? Vulnerable? I wasn't sure that's really me in the photo. I look like a completely different person. Not like a ruthless gang leader or a killer devoid of any emotions. I … I look like a teenager, so small and fragile. I'm still not sure that's me…", he tried to explain.", still staring at the photo in disbelief.
Eiji's eyes filling with sadness while boring into his hurt more than any stab wound ever could. "Ash, you are a teenager. But never a killer. Please stop saying that about yourself. It makes me angry and sad. Because it's not true." He pointed at the picture again. "You see that smile on your lips and your head resting on my shoulder? Leaning on me? That's who you really are. Someone who's kind and always caring for those around him. Who just needs a shoulder to lean on sometimes. Someone he can trust. A place or a person where he can rest peacefully, where he feels safe and protected. Ash smiled at him. "Yeah, maybe you're right. It's just hard for me to forget what people have said about me all my life. If you hear that long enough you start believing it eventually."
"Maybe you should keep that photo. It will remind you of the kind person you really are. Look at it when you doubt yourself again.", Eiji suggested, handing him back the photo.
"Ok. Thank you. I'll keep it."
Eiji kept looking at the rest of the photos for a while longer sorting them into different piles.
Ash watched him, but lost interest after a while. He was so damn tired because Eiji always forced him to get up early, telling him he had to get up for language courses or work as well and he should get used to it. He could be really relentless as well…
Ash let his head drop on Eiji's shoulder, leaning closer. Eiji looked up in surprise, then a smile spread across his face. "You shouldn't sleep that way, it can't be comfortable."
"It looked really comfortable in the photo. I just wondered if it's really so relaxing to sleep on your shoulder.", Ash told him, yawning.
"And?", Eiji asked curiously, putting a hand around his shoulder exactly like in the photo. "Is it?", Eiji asked curiously.
But Ash was already sleeping soundly, a small smile lingering on his face. Eiji just grinned, shaking his head slightly, grabbed his phone and took a photo. He'd written a title beneath it.
おかえり – Welcome home.