I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while. But the good thing is that my next chapter is nearly finished and I'll upload it in the next few days.
"That's the temple gate? That looks...amazing..."
He hadn't exactly been thrilled to visit temple grounds or a gate. As far as he was concerned, religion was a waste of time. As a child, when he had still been defenseless, he had often prayed or begged god to save him. After a while, he had learned the hard way that God didn't exist. He could only rely on himself, his wits, his efforts, and his strength.
Despite all of that, when seeing the gate, Ash had stopped in his tracks and had stared at the entrance to the temple in awe, speechless for once. He had only seen the shrine in Izumo before, so that was the only religious place he could compare it with. Even if he had learned that temples and shrines differed, he had expected them to look similar. So, he had assumed the gate would be held in natural, wooden colors as the shrine had. The Izumo shrine possessed some beautiful ornaments but was primarily held in plain colors.
This gate, however, wasn't held in such modest colors. It was held in bright red and grass green with a typical Japanese flat black roof and two statues on each side. In the middle, a lantern was hanging from the top, also in bright red, with some huge kanji printed on it. Even if you weren't visiting the temple grounds, it stood out and demanded attention, and you couldn't help but appreciate the construction and admire the vivid colors. It was impossible to pass by without stopping for a moment. Even if it was only the entrance, you were instinctively drawn to it and had to take a closer look.
Ash only noticed Eiji and Hana again when they victoriously clapped their hands together and grinned at each other. Then, Eiji quickly took some photos of him and smirked at him. It wasn't the soft smile he usually wore but a smug and wicked grin that said, 'I told you so'.
"Why do you have that annoying, self-satisfying grin on your face?" he asked, a bit irritated.
"I loved what I saw," Eiji simply said, putting both arms around his neck and giving him his most radiant smile. Ash immediately felt how his cheeks heated up. Still, seeing Eiji's bright and happy smile, he immediately forgot his irritation and finally returned the smile.
"And what was it you saw?" he asked curiously. Ash knew it was easy to make Eiji happy, but he had no clue what he had done to deserve his angelic smile just now. All he had done was stare at a temple gate which, he reluctantly had to admit, was impressive.
Eiji chuckled, probably amused again because he had realized he was clueless about what could be the reason for his happiness. Eiji always loved when he didn't know how to read between the lines, applying logic to social cues and therefore incapable of seeing how his own behavior or reaction had led to a pure but knowing smile from Eiji. In that regard, Eiji was way more intelligent than him.
Thankfully, Hana mercifully put him out of his misery, grinning at him. She had fallen a bit behind while chatting to her friends on her phone and had just joined them. She had kept within sight, though, so they wouldn't lose each other.
"I saw your first impression, too. You looked so happy and amazed when seeing the gate," Hana simply said, smiling. "And your stoic face instantly vanished as soon as you saw the gate. I loved the expression on your face. You were seriously impressed."
"That's - " Ash instantly tried to counterargue, but Eiji put a hand over his mouth to stop him.
"Please don't deny it, ok? I really loved that look on your face as well." Eiji replied sincerely while meeting his eyes. "Has anyone ever told you that you have no poker face?" he asked with a provoking grin, his eyes glowing playfully while he obviously enjoyed himself.
All he could do was stare at him for a moment. Eiji grinned at his stunned expression, hooked their arms, and pulled him closer. "Sorry, I always wanted to say that back to you."
"Not funny!" he declared defiantly, staring ahead to the temple gate instead of facing him.
"Then, why are you smiling?" Eiji asked, intertwining their fingers instead before he could walk away. "Don't think I haven't seen it."
"I'm not! You're imagining things!"He stubbornly looked away, which Eiji answered with a light chuckle.
Then, Eiji tightened the grip on his hand. Ash had learned what that meant over time. Eiji usually did so if he was being stubborn. If Eiji wanted him to pay attention to something he had missed. Something meaningful and noteworthy to Eiji that he tried to direct his attention to. It usually involved social cues or cultural differences he wasn't aware of. Ash had noticed the firm touch and turned around, facing him again, curious what that was about.
"What? You want to tell me something, right?" Eiji nodded and gently stroked the back of his hand with his thumb. Then, he was rewarded with his pure smile; the one Eiji always got when his lessons had been successful.
"So, my stubborn boyfriend can understand gestures if he wants to," Eiji commented, throwing him a knowing side glance.
"At least I'm trying," Ash said, shrugging his shoulders. "So?"
"So, Hana's right, you know? That look on your face was exactly the expression I was hoping for from you, my atheistic American. A first impression can't be faked, not even by headstrong bad boys or smug smartasses like you. It's always genuine and reveals your true emotions. I loved how you stopped in your tracks. Your green eyes widened and lit up in surprise, shining in an emerald green. Do you want to see a photo I took of you?"
Ash nodded and leaned closer to get a good look at the camera display.
"Hey, not fair! Let me see it as well!" Hana said, leaning closer on the opposite side of Eiji, where he wasn't standing.
Eiji was still overjoyed and proud that he had caught his stunned expression perfectly on camera. Ash immediately noticed it while Eiji looked at the photo on his camera's display with shining eyes, zooming in and out, then smiled at him curiously to see his reaction.
He was surprised. Eiji took many photos of him, but it always surprised him how different he looked from the pictures Eiji had taken back in NYC. Sometimes he wasn't sure that was even him because he looked like a completely other person now. His features looked softer now and revealed more emotions. His eyes looked livelier and brighter. The darkness in them was gone, and he could make out a brighter shade of green he had only started to notice here in Japan...
"That's me? I look so normal. Like..."
"A tourist?" Hana intervened with an amused smile, looking at him. Ash just nodded at her in agreement.
"I love that expression you wear—the mix of pure wonder and amazement. You look like a kid seeing the world for the first time. And maybe you are. Many things in Japan are new to you, after all. I want to see that pure and innocent expression more often."
"I didn't know I could look like that. I mean, I've seen it before, and I realized that my expression has changed since coming here. Even so, I still can't believe that's me."
Eiji looked at her curiously. "What do you think?"
"It's a perfect shot of a dumbfounded Ash. Just look at his face and his widened eyes. It's a masterpiece."
Then, Hana's face turned into a naughty grin. "Maybe you do have some talent as a photographer after all," Hana replied, a mocking undertone echoing in her voice while Eiji cast her a death glare.
Ash chuckled next to him, and Hana grinned wickedly while Eiji gave both of them a dirty look. Ash couldn't hide his smile, though. Eiji looked cute when he was angry. His eyes tightened, and the color dimmed a little, turning his eyes dark chocolate brown while his face heated up and his cheeks flushed bright red.
After a moment, Eiji messed up Hana's hair, knowing perfectly well that she hated that. She was a teenager, after all, and cared about her looks. Hana's reaction confirmed that.
"Hey, stop that! I needed half an hour to fix my hair this morning! We can't all look as perfect as Ash does."
Eiji started laughing when hearing that remark. "Don't worry, you look great. You deserved that, though, for making fun of me. Revenge is sweet."
"And we could never compete with Ash anyway. He even looks great with a bedhead in the mornings. No idea how he does that."
"You can't learn that. It's called innate talent," Ash answered smugly, a devilish grin on his face.
"Smartass," he and Hana said in unison.
~ ~ ~
They walked together towards the gate. Hana took photos and selfies with her phone while she walked along the gate and inspected it from all sides.
"See that, Ash?" he asked, pointing to his sister. "You looked similar to Hana just now when you saw the gate. I know you aren't interested in religion. However, you wouldn't stare at the gate for so long if you weren't fascinated. Someone with your superior intellect would appreciate the gate and the temple grounds for its construction and history. You're impressed in your own way."
"Well, yeah, I guess you could say that..."
"And I was only teasing you earlier. You know that, right? I like seeing more emotions and honest reactions on your face. That your poker face is dissolving. It's a sign you feel safe in Japan and also that you're healing. Thank you for coming here with me, Ash. I appreciate it. Even if you weren't thrilled about it."
"I can't just leave you on your own in a big city like Tokyo... who knows what would happen if I did..." Ash stated matter-of-factly while looking around, in any direction but Eiji's.
"But...?" Eiji asked in such a cheerful yet expectant intonation that Ash finally faced him again. When he did, he looked into Eiji's face— raised eyebrows, and a questioning gaze, looking up at him with a knowing smile. It felt as if Eiji had just read his mind and knew that wasn't the only reason, he had agreed to come here despite his rejection of anything religious.
He had tagged along because of Eiji and Hana, of course, because they had decided to do everything together, even if that meant some compromises. However, he could see in Eiji's eyes and how he looked at him with open curiosity that Eiji knew he had another reason to join them.
"But I was also curious why you love this place so much. This temple was your only request for places in Tokyo you'd like to visit, except for fixed plans like Ibe's exhibition and the camera equipment you wanted to buy. I just wondered why this place was so special to you. I bet Tokyo has many other temples..."
"Thank you, my religion reject."
Eiji got on his tiptoes, hugged him, then kissed him on his cheek. Ash returned the hug and smiled at him. Eiji's kisses were always soft and gentle. They reminded him that he wasn't alone anymore, and a warm, fuzzy feeling spread through his body.
He felt through the hug that Eiji was happy to be here, and that was enough for him. Eiji had done so much for him these last few months. If all it took to see his smile was visiting a temple with him, he'd do it. He lived for that sunny smile that lit up his life every time he saw it. He'd give anything to see it again.
Then, Eiji slowly pulled out of the hug and met his eyes. Eiji's brown eyes had darkened a little. Maybe it was because he had been so quiet on the way here... Perhaps he should explain his reasons to Eiji...
"I was a bit worried. You didn't say anything on the way here. At first, I thought it was because you were mad..." Eiji started to say.
Shit.
"No, that's not..." Ash started to correct him, but Eiji softly interrupted him.
"I know. I realized after a moment that you were spacing out. You were lost in thought about something. I've learned that it's better to give you some private time to process everything with that superior mind of yours. You usually don't notice me when your mind is preoccupied with something. So, I talked to Hana on the way here and gave you time to figure things out."
"Thank you. But, Eiji, how do you do that? How can you always notice the smallest details about me? That's impressive and scary at the same time, you know? And I'm sorry. My behavior was selfish and rude because I completely ignored you two. I'm sorry I worried you. I really tried to think about something."
"It's fine. Hana wondered why you were suddenly so quiet, but I explained it to her. Will you tell me what you were thinking about? At first, I thought it was about your panic attack. But that didn't feel right because you wore a mysterious, dreamy smile."
"I... what?" Eiji grinned at him. "You look cute if you're embarrassed. Your cheeks flush bright red if you do. It makes you look even paler but highlights your green eyes."
Ash immediately looked away, avoiding his gaze. Eiji laughed wholeheartedly and placed a hand loosely around his waist.
"Can I take a guess?" he asked him. Ash immediately turned around, staring at him in horror. Eiji had even figured out what he had been thinking about? Then again, this was Eiji's most outstanding talent, so why was he so surprised? So, after a moment, he relaxed again, smiled at him, and nodded. Eiji moved a bit closer and whispered into his ear,
"You were thinking about that marriage talk, right? I saw in your eyes earlier that it shocked you."
All Ash could do was nod. "Can we talk about that later? In private?" he whispered back.
Eiji just nodded and smiled softly at him. "Sure. I'm just relieved you've cheered up again. In moments where you space out, I can't really help you. I can only ensure you talk to me after doing so and that your smart mind doesn't overthink matters again."
"Thanks for looking out for me. I wasn't thrilled about going to a temple. However, I realized that you were happy, and I should stop acting stubbornly and see you as a much better example."
"Huh? Me? What did I do?" Eiji asked in that innocent way he had. Ash just shook his head in disbelief but couldn't help smiling at that.
"You were just being you."
Eiji stared at him with a blank face, utterly lost. Ash secretly loved that Eiji could be clueless about certain things, too. Eiji didn't even notice that he always put other people first. For him, it was as natural as breathing.
"You fulfilled my wish first because that's how you are. You always place the feelings and wishes of others first, and only then; you think of your own. The temple is roughly the same distance as the Sky Tree, even if the Sky Tree is on the other side of the river. You and Hana probably decided on that order to cheer me up after my... panic attack, right?"
"Yes, I saw that your breakdown still haunted you. It was still too fresh on your mind, and you probably still felt the aftereffects on your body. I noticed it in your stiff posture, and you still looked pale. But it was the look in your eyes I didn't like. There was still darkness overshadowing them. You still felt guilty, and like a burden to us, so we both wanted to distract you and make you forget what happened earlier."
"See? I wanted to do the same for you. I mean, to place your wishes first and join you quietly without any nasty or sarcastic comments about religion. You taught me that love means that someone else's happiness is more important than your own. To put their wishes first."
Eiji stared at him, momentarily speechless, while his eyes widened in surprise. Then, he got this dazzling smile that turned his eyes golden brown, gently touched his cheek, and kissed him.
"Ash, that's so sweet, and I loved that you just tagged along without complaining this time. I appreciate that. Thank you," he replied gratefully after ending the kiss.
"And you know you're never a burden to me, Ash, right? No matter what happens. People linked by fate will always find each other. But for them to stay together and find happiness, fate alone is insufficient. Something much more powerful is needed. A special bond of trust, respect, and mutual understanding. And love, of course. And we've found it. So, lean on me if you're suffering. Share your pain with me. We'll overcome anything together."
Ash smiled sadly and leaned on his shoulder. "That sounds nice. Thank you."
"What? No sarcastic comment about soulmates or fate? Do you have a fever?" he asked jokingly, touching his forehead with one hand.
Ash had closed his eyes but was still smiling at Eiji's remark. "No, not today. I'm saving that up for later. For now, I'm just happy to visit Tokyo with you."
~ ~ ~
Hana grew impatient after a while, came back for them, and pulled Eiji and Ash closer to her and into the photo. She took some selfies and apparently had fun.
Eiji didn't say anything for Hana's sake, but he would never understand why selfies were so popular. As a photographer, he despised them. The photos were too close, of poor quality, often blurry, the angle was totally wrong, and half of your hand was usually messing up the image. And walking around with a selfie stick was just plain stupid. Why not just ask someone to take a photo of you? You'd get a much better picture and maybe get to know some interesting new people and create new memories together. He called that a win-win situation.
"We have to work on your poker face. It's so obvious you hate selfies," Ash teased him while messing up his hair.
"Well, I prefer professional photos," Eiji defended himself, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. Ash let go and instead placed an arm around his shoulder. He pointed to his professional camera dangling around his neck.
"You'd be a weird photographer if you didn't. But Hana's a teenager. She just wants to brag about her trip with us to her friends. For her, Tokyo is an exciting new world. And I bet you didn't care much about photos before you met Ibe."
"That's true. Ibe's photos awoke my fascination for photography. Especially when I saw how I looked in those photos. I've never known what kind of expression I wore while pole vaulting," Eiji admitted dreamily, thinking back to the day he met Ibe.
Meeting him changed his life. Just like meeting Ash did. Ibe had been there for him when his dad couldn't. He'd always looked up to him like an older brother. To him, he was family. And he was the reason he met his soulmate, for which he would be forever grateful.
"See? And personally, I'm glad that most people use smartphones to take photos these days. I always get uneasy when I see a camera or hear a camera's clicking sound. However, I don't have that sensation with smartphones. So, that makes it easier for me."
"That's good. Actually, I was a bit worried about that," Eiji admitted honestly.
"I was more worried about the photo exhibition. With so many photographers around..."
"Oh, you don't have to. Photos aren't allowed there. They sell the exhibition's contents as books and other merchandise like postcards, posters, and autographed photos to support the university and the photographers participating. And Ibe will give us a tour when it's less crowded. He did that with you in mind."
"I'm relieved to hear that, and I appreciate Ibe's thoughtfulness. I'll thank him for doing that. Now, I'm looking forward to seeing your photos even more."
"I hope you'll like them. I'm curious what you think about them." He smiled at him, then changed the topic and dragged him closer to the gate.
"So, what do you think of the gate?"
"Well, I have to admit it looks impressive. For an entrance to a boring temple, I mean," he added with a smirk in his direction.
Eiji shook his head in defeat. Ash just couldn't stop bringing up sarcastic comments now and then. Well, Ash had been patient and friendly until now, so he should be grateful. He couldn't expect miracles. They just loved bickering and teasing each other, after all. This was a little revenge because he had dragged him here. He saw the confirmation in Ash's green eyes, the emerald green turning into a darker shade of jade mixed with a challenging and slightly dangerous spark in his eyes that had narrowed a little. Secretly, he loved that bad boy smirk, but he'd never tell Ash that. Although he suspected that he already knew...
"Aaaasssh..." Eiji began, pretending to be annoyed and probably failing miserably. He stretched out his name longer than necessary, with a little warning lingering in the background. Then, he glared at him for a moment before moving closer.
"You can't stop doing that, can you? You're impossible sometimes, you know? Why did I have to fall for some stubborn American of all places? And an atheist to top it off?" he complained, feigning annoyance. However, the amused look Ash gave him signaled that he had seen through him.
"It was fate that we met," Ash simply said. Eiji would have given anything to hear that phrase from him if he hadn't done so as a provocation, his tone of voice dripping with sarcasm and a devil's smile. Eiji flicked his forehead and rolled his eyes.
"Americans don't have any sense of respect for other countries' cultures and beliefs. Or maybe it's just you."
"Ouch!" Ash complained, rubbing his forehead before giving him a death glare, his eyes glowing menacingly in a poisonous green. He wasn't fazed by that at all, though, because Ash had the shadow of a smile on his lips. He tried to hide it quickly, but he hadn't been fast enough.
"I just quoted your own words," he defended himself with a defiant undertone. "What's wrong with that?"
"You know why you deserved that. Next time, put in more effort and quote it sincerely, without any mocking undertone," he shot back, pinching his cheek.
Their eyes locked, and they held their gaze, none of them budging, blinking, or looking away. Finally, Ash averted his gaze and sighed deeply, followed by a shrug of his shoulders and a stubborn,
"Whatever."
Hana chuckled, having watched their bickering with some amusement. Eiji assumed she was used to it by now.
"Eiji, I don't think your love for temples, fate, and soulmates has rubbed off on Ash yet."
"You don't say..."