Randvi was happy to see Eivor feel useful again after spending all morning with Azar finalizing trade routes and shipping logistics before coming back to the longhouse for lunch. She could see the light starting to come back to her eyes as the work she was doing was coming to fruition. Late nights over the last few days had kept them apart, but it was well worth the change she was starting to see. Eivor's darkest of days seemed to be behind her as she transformed back into the Jarl they had all missed.
She was doing her best to be attentive as Eivor finally started coming back around. She had feared for their relationship when she started avoiding her and everyone else she held dear and had even mourned it as the Eivor she knew locked herself away. Her lover was not one to talk about how she felt, which made it even more difficult for Randvi to comfort her during her time of grieving. It was a long and brutal test, but it seemed as though the storm had finally passed.
During their lunch, they shared in small conversation with their hands clasped loosely together on the table. It was obvious Eivor had something on her mind as she grazed her fingers over Randvi's hand and their conversation slowed. They talked of simple things, like the recent string of bad weather that downed trees in their walking paths and the potential expansions of Ravensthorpe that Randvi was considering. She believed it would be advantageous for them to form acquaintances with certain diplomats as well, and went over potential timelines for Eivor to leave and make their clan name known further into the vast expanse of England.
As the conversation flowed, she noticed Eivor's body language change. Her mind had wavered from her lunch as her free hand roamed her plate, indifferent to anything that lay upon it. Her responses grew shorter, her body more relaxed and her eyes bore into her like she were prey. She did not want to push, not again, but she knew that look. Their throes of passion after she and Sigurd had made their split official were nothing short of burned into her mind.
Eivor seemed to enjoy playing a cat hanging a piece of cheese in front of a starving mouse. Her mouth ran dry as she avoided the hungry eyes that threatened to lure her to her death and tried not to concentrate on the firming grip on her hand and the little circles that were being traced onto her skin. Her heart raced and her words faltered as the gravely voiced she had almost begged the gods to hear again settled into her ears. She could not recall how long it had been since Eivor had spoken with her this way nor how long had it been since they had shared even a tender moment; all she knew was that she could not take much more.
Without a word, Eivor pulled her hand free and pushed herself from the table. The sudden move caused Randvi to jump and the smirk that replaced the frown that Eivor had been carrying caught her breath in her throat. There was no denying what they both wanted.
Eivor slid a hand under her chin and placed a kiss on her lips akin to the first one they had shared; slow but passionate and laced with primal desire. It had been months since they had last shared a tender moment. Every touch was electric and Randvi could not bring herself to stop her, even in a place as public as this.
Randvi sunk into her chair as Eivor pushed further. The heat that grew was turning into a raging fire shrouded in darkness. Eivor explored her mouth and worked her fingers into her hair and laid a path of heated passion along the pale flesh that was exposed as she pulled back on her braid. She sighed at every small gasp and moan that escaped Randvi's throat, feeding off of her own desires. Every button she pushed caused Randvi to melt further into her chair, sending her into a frenzy.
"Eivor." Randvi sighed, almost helplessly. "You should go back to Azar soon. She will be expecting you."
Eivor eyed Randvi as she spoke. She knew she was only trying to respect her boundaries, but this was not the time nor the place for it. Normally, they would not hesitate to be late to satisfy their bodily urges when the need arose; why was today to be any different?
"And if I stay?" She huffed out. Randvi's eyes all but rolled back as her body gave way to the thought. She was not one who could easily hide her desire. This reaction brought a smirk to Eivor's lips, resulting in the dissipation of any willpower Randvi had left. "It seems like Azar will just have to wait."
"Eivor! Take a long lunch I see?" Azar smirked as she eyed a mildly disheveled viking drunkenly sauntering her way.
"Aye, something came up." She mulled over what she wanted to say, although with Azar's smirk, she was sure no excuse would do.
"I see. Unfortunately, this break will have to last longer still. I was informed just before you arrived that one of my scouts came across some valuable information that could help us seal this trade deal. I am going to need some time to decipher their message. Don't wander too far."
"Understood. I will remain near the docks. Just come find me when you're ready."
"Thank you, Eivor. If this holds the information I think it does, we will be setting sail back to Ireland quicker than anticipated."
Eivor nodded as Azar shut herself away in the cabin to decipher the letter. It had only been two weeks since Azar had arrived and while she was only here on business; it pained Eivor to think she would leave so soon. Randvi was going to be less than pleased to hear that the preparations for the feast were going to have to be expedited if Eivor were to keep her promise of giving Azar and her crew and proper Viking send off.
Eivor could feel that Azar was not being entirely truthful. A deciphered message and quick send off were not normal in a trade deal, but Azar had been there to help her, she was not going to start to question anything she needed, especially since they had gone this far into the planning. She let the thought of deception fall from her shoulder as she rounded the corner to the docks, leaving it in the dirt behind her.
The docks were a bustling place during the summer and fall months. Fish were caught by the basketful and hung to dry along the sunny shores in preparation for the winter months, and ships came and went as they explored and traded. The sun was setting sooner, the leaves a paler shade of green and the air smelled of sweet earth; autumn was approaching and so was change.
It was like she had never left, never stopped being the Jarl she always was, never suffered the losses that weighed down her heart as she walked the docks and chatted idly with her comrades. Maybe there were no plans that needed reviewing or secret informants. Maybe Azar and Randvi were plotting to get her to move around, to see to her people. Maybe letters were exchanged and Azar never needed her help. Maybe they planned this whole elaborate charade to get her out of her stuffy room and next to the waters she loved; or maybe the smell of fish and water logged wood that flooded her nostrils as she stood by her longship and confirmed upgrades reminded her how much she loved the outdoors and interacting with those around her.
Swanburrow, the ever strong Dane who had caught Hunwald's eye, catered to her small home along the shore as Eivor approached. It had been some time since Hunwald's death, and while Eivor felt responsible, Swanburrow had made it clear that she did not harbor any hard feelings. During her disappearance, Eivor did everything in her power to ensure Swanburrow felt at home and had friends to lean on while she grieved her husband's death; it was the least she could do. She had always wavered after the initial talk with her, but with renewed confidence, she was able to share in a meaningful conversation, passing the time naturally until she needed to move on so Swanburrow could continue with her daily activities undisturbed.
As she left, she noticed the baskets were filling at the docks and offered to take them up to the fishing hut for cleaning, or at least what she could manage in the free time she had. For the first time in as long as she could remember, she broke a sweat carrying something of that weight. She had started to regret her decision about halfway up the hill as her fingers screamed for relief and her muscles stiffened around her spine; it had been too long since she had done anything this strenuous, and it was showing.
She dropped the basket on the ground, sloshing the slimy creatures and sending the scent of the river bottom flooding into her nostrils. The muscles in her face screamed as much as her spine as she turned away from the aroma. She stretched and crack her fingers to relieve the tension that had built up in her hands and twisted left and right in an attempt to relieve the crushing feeling on her spine. As she stretched, she took a look down the way to observe the docks from afar. To her surprise and dismay, the door to Azar's cabin was solidly shut. There was no way she was going to risk her reputation further by attempting to carry another stinking basket of fish up the hill, so she found her way back to her longship in an attempt to find something else to occupy her time; her ship caught her eye.
In the months she could not bring herself to leave her self-made prison, she sent only her most trusted to take down local military camps and loot them for all they had. She could not remember the last time she had sailed nor when she had last tended to her ship, but to her surprise, they had kept her polished. Save for a few holes from some arrows that needed patching, her ship looked as good as new.
"Hm." she ran her hand across her ship as she walked its length, feeling the weathered wood's smoothness under her palm. "The waters seem to call me once more." Her eyes fell to the river. The sunlight glistened off of the ripples and waves of the dark water where fish jumped after water bugs and flies and herons dipped their beaks in between the rocks to find their prey. The water used to be second nature to her, but now it seemed so foreign. She missed so much as she processed her grief; it was time to get back to her roots, to get back to the old Eivor.
"Meow."
"Oh," Eivor looked down at the white ball of fur figure-eighting her legs. "Nali, it's been some time since I last saw you. How are you little one?" She knelt down to greet the sweet purrs and mews at her feet. "You've missed me." She chuckled as the small white cat rubbed all over her, depositing clumps of fur everywhere she touched. "I shall have to sail soon. I am sure you miss the water as much as I." She combed her fingers through the soft, white fur, sending it floating through the air.
"Find yourself a friend?" Azar stood down the deck from Eivor with her arms loosely crossed and a small smile on her face as she watched the two interact.
"Yes, it seems I have neglected more than just myself."
"You look much better than when I arrived two weeks ago. I am glad to see you coming back around. I was worried that you were going to waste away if you continued on like that too much longer."
"Heh," Eivor stood with Nali in her arms. "You aren't the only one who thought that, I am sure."
Nali crawled onto Eivor's shoulder and jumped across to the Longship, leaving the two to their conversation.
"I would be lying if I didn't hear some worried talks around your settlement. You mean a lot to your people. You had them worried that they would lose their Jarl yet again."
Eivor sighed deeply and let her eyes rest on the green grasses across the river. "I have been selfish. They did not deserve to be abandoned, no matter the pain I felt in my heart."
"You suffered a great deal. You deserved the chance to grieve, Eivor. Do not beat yourself up, but I do agree that it is time for you to concentrate on your people again. They need you."
"Yes, you are right." her tone was soft and understanding. She had a job to do, people to take care of; her presence was necessary to keep Ravensthorpe and her people afloat.
"If you would like, I am ready to discuss what my informant brought." Azar moved on quickly. Emotions were not her strong suit.
"Yes, let us discuss what you have found." Eivor pushed past the conversation with ease and gave Nali one more pat before turning back to the cabin. Her smile faded as she caught a glimpse of red out of the corner of her eye and turned her attention to the edge of the boathouse, where she heard footsteps fade away. She stopped herself from chasing. She could not allow herself to fall deeper into her mind's insanity.
"So soon?" Randvi asked as she fiddled with the scrolls in the war room. She was always busy with something when Eivor came back from her meetings with Azar.
"Yes." Eivor's mind was not entirely with her after her conversation with Azar, but she did her best to keep herself in the moment so as to not raise any more suspicion from Randvi. "We should make haste to prepare the feast tomorrow before she leaves."
"It will be a struggle to reallocate that much food so quickly.." She hummed to herself as she placed a few more scrolls in their homes before turning to face Eivor. "I will make sure it happens."
"Thank you. If you need anything of me, I will be finalizing some papers before her departure."
Randvi nodded and turned back to her work, leaving Eivor to her own devices. Eivor watched Randvi work for a few more moments before turning and heading to her room. The breath that she didn't know she was holding escaped her when the doors closed solidly behind her.
"I do not recall any by that name on my ships logs, Eivor. It is to my benefit to know everyone coming and going when I travel. I am no stranger to enemies."
"And there is no possibility that she could have snuck aboard?"
"She would have to be very good at hiding under plain sight if that were the case, but based on how you described her, she would be hard to miss."
Her conversation with Azar solidified any and all suspicions she had that Ciara could have arrived on the ship with her; she was not on the logs and not a single crew member recalled a feisty, red headed Irish woman. It was all in her head and when Azar left, all visions of her lover would disappear along with her. Once again, she would have to grieve her loss, even if she was never within arm's reach.
Eivor walked to her letterbox and ran her hands over the finely sanded wood. The worn paint and missing shards from its edges showed its age, and the old hinges that squeaked as her heart willed her to open it told her it was in need of some grease. The box was much fuller than the last time she had opened in to stow away her letters. Messages of condolences of her friends' deaths, responses from their lovers as she sent her condolences to them, Kings wanting to see her after her long hiatus; they all stacked up to cover the letters she wished to hide.
Her eyes lingered on the various shades of white and smudges of black. It did not help anything to look back on what was never going to be, to drag herself back down to her worst for a hallucination, but not all of the logic in the world could stop her hand from sinking into the sea of letters. She gritted her teeth as her fingers sought out the familiar parchment, heart frozen as the memories it held filled her mind like a spring storm; sudden and volatile. A familiar ache rose from her belly and wrapped around her heart as she stood in her sunlit room, hunched over her desk, hand unmoving from what it gripped.
"Why must you torment me so?" her voice was barely a squeak as she pulled her hand from the box, leaving the letter behind, buried in memories that she rather not revisit. She closed the lid as slowly as she had opened it and sat down at her desk. "I will not let you take me back to that place." Eivor took a moment to calm her heart with meditation, pushing the feelings that crept into her chest far away.