CHAPTER 4:

Equestrian Lessons Needed

"The Road goes ever on and on,

Down from the door where it began.

Now far ahead the Road has gone-"

"Would you stop singing? You sound like a drowning coyote being eaten alive by ravenous crocodiles" Altaïr sighed exasperatedly in irritation as he tried to refrain from covering his ears to the awful pitch in her voice. He pitied the woman's poor steed who had to bear the wretched sound at close range.

Vivian blew a raspberry towards his rude opinion (even though she knew her voice was bad) and snorted out dramatically, "Well, it's better than listening to hoof beats. Besides, people talk when they're on the road to prevent boredom. In my time, people tend to crash because they can't put their damn cell phones down or stop texting while driving instead of listening to music which is hands free."

The master assassin was pretty much boggled by the last sentence and bluntly stated with a scowl, "Your world confuses me."

"Yeah, well, it confuses me too" she snickered to his direct approach to things because humankind was all over the place nowadays and patted her mare's hair absentmindedly.

Malik spoke up to keep the peace between them and asked curiously, "Does your world look like this or has it changed?"

"It has changed dramatically, buildings of metal can touch the sky, machines fly through the air to transport people across the sea to their destinations, land is rarely open like this and homes litter practically every area as the population of the world keeps growing" she explained in simple layman terms as the dai tried to picture it in his mind but to no avail while the assassin was wary of the strange woman altogether. He'd seen similar things in his views of the Apple and wondered what they meant. Is that what her world was like? Or was she tricking them with visions of grandeur?

It is still my world, only many centuries ahead, he thought matter-of-factly as his eyes practically bore holes into the woman's back as she and Malik took the front. And it doesn't mean I won't be watching her in case she's a fraud.

"How much do you know of our year 1192?" he asked carefully as she played with the horse's hair as the mare trotted slowly over the indented path of dirt. If she was trying to appear friendly and docile, the part was going splendid but Altaïr was watching every flicker of movement for betrayal.

She tapped her chin thoughtfully before honestly replying, "That's the thing. I'm wondering if everything that should happen will since by all logic, you shouldn't be. In my world, you're nonexistent so frankly, I don't know. Just about anything could be possible."

Curiously, she quirked an arched eyebrow and asked amusingly, "Why? You're not going to try and wipe out all the Templars, are you? Because I can tell you now, it ain't gonna happen."

"Why?" he demanded defensively to what he himself thought was a great idea because Templars were nothing but a vile disease that only held their own interests at heart rather than seeking balance like the Brotherhood of Assassins. He grit his teeth in annoyance when she had the gall to grin at him as if he were joking.

"Because they still exist in the future timeline of this game- er, I mean, your life" Vivian explained and bit her tongue before she ended up wrecking the past with future knowledge. It was pretty hard considering this was now her reality and didn't want the fabric of time to accidentally collapse on itself because of her mistake. She sighed exasperatedly before blurting, "You see? There's a different timeline for this dimension you live in compared to mine. You're supposed to have a descendant in 2012 who gets kidnapped by Templars and escapes to who knows where. I wasn't really paying attention since Avatar came out and I got hooked. . ." she cleared her throat as she stopped rambling, "The point is my future has none of that. No Assassins, no Templars, nada. All we have is crazy terrorists, gangs, sea pirates, burglars, and other messed up folk. Pretty much the same except they have more technology to nab money with."

"Then how do you know of our Order?" Malik asked curiously as he rode up alongside the woman while Vivian began to bat away bothersome bugs. For all she knew, they could be ridden with disease like yellow fever, dengue fever, encephalitis, and who knows what else. At this stage in time, medicine was incredibly archaic so keeping healthy was a crucial must to survive which didn't settle well in her stomach (the heat didn't make it better either).

Nonetheless, she smiled cheerfully for finally knowing a good answer and responded, "You're a game. In my time, we have these round discs and we insert them in a box that can produce moving pictures and we play a game. You're both characters in the game which revolves around your lives in the Brotherhood, mainly Altaïr, and thus, us players are given all the information. Malik's good at making maps, Altaïr can't swim worth a damn-"

"I can swim!" he retorted defensively to the claim everyone seemed to make about him and she rolled her eyes with skepticism. Sure, and she was Mary Poppins.

"Yeah, I'll have to see that myself because in the game, you sunk like a rock- frankly, I'm surprised you didn't drown in a shallow water basin" she joked dryly, mostly in effect to those annoying and disastrous jumps that had her restarting a mission because the man was fatally allergic to water. Malik laughed aloud to the jest since he'd never seen the other man swim at all for as long as he'd known him (he didn't count walking through water as swimming) while Altaïr's lips thinned to being the center of ridicule. He was a Grand Master, not a jester!

As he bristled with gritting teeth, Vivian let out a humorous disappointed sigh from her dry lips, "You'll probably debunk a bunch of fanfics if you actually manage a decent backstroke."

"Tell me of your city" Altaïr demanded briskly to dodge more questions on that damnable subject and she shook her head to his constant brusque tone. You would think going on a quest for redemption would have had him looking twice at his harsh attitude and paranoid personality. . .but no. Vivian began to wish she would've been dropped in AC II because at least there, she could kick Ezio in the family jewels if he tried anything funny. With Altaïr, she was afraid to even ask for a drink of water.

"Would you stop going all Darth Vader on me? I'm not going to kill or withhold information when I've no idea how to get home!" she stated angrily to get the man to chill for a minute and wanted to throw her boot at him but didn't want to lose it along with her life. Jabbing a warning finger at him, she narrowed her green eyes and pointed out matter-of-factly, "You're already dragging me to Syria without my say-so and my navigation is very limited since my country is practically an ocean over. I don't even know in what direction we're traveling right now! Where are the Vikings when you need them?"

"Vi-kings?" Malik asked uncertainly as his lips tried to pronounce the strange words with his tongue and Vivian sulked for feeling so out of place in this world, realm, dimension, whatever you called it!

The master assassin spoke up as he tried a different approach to grab answers from the irksome woman and calmly asked, "Do those land masses truly exist in your time? Are they discovered just as you named them?"

She nodded quickly and explained, "Altaïr, those lands exist here too. The only thing holding back our people is the large gap of ocean and lack of technology but sturdy ships will be built around the 15th century to chart the New World after they originally planned on finding the Indies and later on, paths will be found to cross the entire world instead of sailing underneath South America and Africa. Even now, native people inhabit those lands as their own but the era on conquering all of the land in the name of Europe will do away with them. That is what this world has yet to face but all of that is history in my time already, there is no more discovery. . .well, now we're trying to conquer the stars but-"

"The heavens?" he asked sarcastically and pointed to the clear blue sky overhead which gave the traveling trio no wind but plenty of scorching sun. Altaïr couldn't help but laugh aloud at such a ridiculous idea and Malik quirked an eyebrow of surprise at hearing the man actually laugh. True, it wasn't a friendly laugh in the slightest but kept his comments to himself; he was there as a neutral party. Vivian rolled her eyes under the hood protecting her face from the burning sun and before the assassin resembled a laughing hyena, pointed out haughtily, "There is no way you can pierce the sky."

Vivian couldn't help but chuckle at his skepticism and held her sides before she fell off the horse. Altaïr didn't seem too pleased with her outburst because he wanted to be the one laughing in superiority and she calmed down to say with a friendly smile, "I wasn't laughing at you but your concept. It's just so rare to hear such a thing in real life. . .well, back home. . .but yes, we have already traveled past this orb we call our world. Earth is just a planet in an eight planet solar system, it had another but it turned out to be a little dwarf planet but anyway, thousands lie out there in the heavens. We've already built ships to travel to the moon and smaller machines to hover over nearby planets and to give us signals for our technologically advanced culture. There's just so much I could tell you really."

Both men remained in stunned silence to her claims and she hung her head to sigh miserably, "This isn't where you call me 'witch' and burn me on a stake, do you? That actually occurs later on in the centuries though, mostly in my country, and in vain because people are too naïve to look at scientific evidence and follow ideological beliefs instead."

"What do you know about the pieces of Eden?" Altaïr questioned simply, dodging her crazy ramblings which contained nothing of value to him. She shrugged noncommittally as she slowed the speed of her mare to ward off heatstroke since she wanted to take good care of her temporary horse but the assassin sighed under his breath at her coddling. Altaïr's horse definitely wouldn't have minded a bit of spoiling himself after all the crazy missions he went on with his master and nickered under its breath too.

"They're scattered everywhere and the people that made them apparently weren't of this world which is making me believe they could be aliens that highly resembled us" she offered with a peppy voice over all the theories circulating online and added in helpfully, "Oh, I meant aliens as in visitors from the stars, not people from foreign lands. Yeah, we believe in that too in our time. Plus, the fact that they make it sound that all religions are false kind of screws up my belief system here."

She tilted her head to the side as she remembered his Codex from all the other games after the first and wasn't certain where exactly this timeline fell into. Was it after the first? During? It would've been really helpful if the tight lipped jerk gave away any indication but no. Instead, she'd pry it out of him with subtlety and innocent naivety as Vivian piped up curiously, "Have you begun writing your private journal, Altaïr?"

His brown horse jolted as he pulled tightly on the reigns to halt the steed and cautiously, Altaïr demanded with a sharp hiss, "How do you know of that?"

"Your Codex writings will help your descendants figure out your opinions regarding many things the Apple shows you. . .hmm, maybe I should write a journal too so people don't think I'm crazy" she pondered aloud with a goofy grin filled with zest at finally having something to do and patted the sides of her horse with her feet to quicken her pace. The mare listened with a flick of her ears and Vivian declared with a happy voice that filled the empty desert path they were following, "You'll be the first page, Shadowfax. Day 2 of. . .whatever day this is. . .I'm on my way to Masyaf with two assassins to. . .actually I don't know that either. Mr. Grumpy doesn't really tell me anything, just bosses us around like he owns the world. Malik let me borrow my first horse ever, she's white and gentle, and hasn't tried to throw me off at all. The dai's pretty friendly despite his witty remarks in the game and I think we'll be good friends. . ."

Altaïr gave Malik a flat expression as they fell behind the chatty woman having her one sided conversation and he stated bluntly, "Am I supposed to trust a woman that talks to herself?"

Vivian, meanwhile, continued rambling on her day's adventure to nobody in particular, "I named her Shadowfax because Gandalf totally rocks and this is practically my first adventure in unknown times and wilderness. If I'm trapped in time, I'm not going to run around looking stupid like Kagome from Inuyasha. . .although Altaïr would fit the role of Inuyasha with his pushy brusque attitude but he has all that white so maybe Sesshomaru would fit him best. Hmm, why wasn't I blasted there instead? At least the century gap wouldn't be too wide. And why couldn't I bring stuff from my time here? Sure, it'll defy time and archaeologists will scratch their heads at finding food wrappers from the past so why does Kagome get to do it and I don't?. . .Well, at least I have Shadowfax."

Once again, the assassin demanded of his friend with a bewildered expression, "Are you hearing this? She's clearly bizarre."

"She is from another century, maybe her people act that way regularly" Malik pointed out on behalf of the woman as he tried not to laugh over her echoing voice. He wasn't bothered by their new companion and didn't sense any hostility from her so he would give the poor confused Vivian the benefit of the doubt.

"Altaïr's a pain in the butt, more so than in the game" she remarked with a wrinkled nose in regards to the man as she talked to the horse, who snorted at the air. Her fingers skimmed through the white mane as she remained oblivious to the eavesdropping assassin behind her and wiped beads of sweat off her warm forehead before continuing, "He pissed me off in the mission at Solomon's temple because of poor Malik's outcome and his smartass remarks afterwards that it wasn't his fault when it so obviously was. The man was practically foaming at the mouth with testosterone to kill something-"

Malik burst out laughing to her critique on the assassin's character because he was in need of a good laugh and Vivian turned around with surprise to give them an innocent smile that had him cackling louder. He was pretty sure he was louder than any birds flying by with their calls. Meanwhile, Altaïr grit his teeth at the audacity of that woman and wrongful analyzation of his character; he was not arrogant. If she couldn't see that his skills and intelligence far surpassed hers, then she was blind. Women of this era were meant to be courteous, respectful, and- what the hell was she doing now?

"Come, Shadowfax, we shall explore the land like real adventurers by being piss poor but somehow managing good wardrobes" Vivian declared giddily as she tried to keep a good mood throughout the scorching heat of travel (or maybe it was a mixture of both that and delirious heatstroke) and let her mare hasten her steps down the flat span of desert land. Malik and Altaïr ordered their stallions to follow the woman in close distance before she escaped their sight and did something disastrous.

Two hours later of nonstop riding, the trio stopped before a small eatery that roadside residents created at the front of their residences to make a decent income and Malik ordered kibbeh (fried bulgur stuffed with meat) and shish taouk (marinated chicken shish kebabs) for the group to fill their stomachs for the afternoon. Vivian's clothes were drenched in sweat from the searing heat and the fact they had to travel more than 140 miles from Jerusalem to Masyaf but were barely halfway there. God, it looked so easy in the game and she was more than ready to collapse onto her horse at the midway stop. Everything in her body ached so badly and she wanted to nab a good nap but doubted the taskmaster known as Altaïr would allow it.

"Oh god, I can't feel my ass" she groaned pathetically as she rested her left hand over the bottom of her aching back and her horse neighed as she stopped. Her hooves tapped against the hot dirt and the movements stung poor Vivian's coccyx causing her to whimper pitifully towards the blue sky, "It's not fair, Altaïr made this look like a breeze in the game and Lord of the Rings made it appear fun. How do equestrians do this?"

The assassin tied the reigns of his horse on a nearby wooden pole and raised his eyebrows when his and Malik's horses were the only ones there. Where was. . .? His line of sight spotted the white horse trotting away as Vivian rested against the mare's neck and Altaïr ran over hurriedly to grab the reigns to pull her into a stop. His mind filled with gratifying confirmation that she'd been trying to get away and was about to boast it to Malik but pushed it aside when he heard weak groaning from the slumped figure.

Damn, did she die?, he thought puzzled and decided to poke her side roughly like a piece of meat, earning him a weak punch towards the head that he easily avoided. Disappointed, his face formed into a frown, Nope, still alive. Luck isn't with me today.

"I can't get off the horse" she groaned exhaustingly and managed to sit upright as her lower spine ached the second it touched the saddle. Her green eyes closed as she wanted the whole trip to end already and slip into a warm bath to work out the sore knots in her muscles. Oh, even the feeling of warm water cascading down her dry skin tasted wonderful. She couldn't remember her last sip of water itself during the trip.

She batted away wandering bugs venturing too close to her face and mumbled with slurred words, "If you simply throw me off, will I suffer a concussion?"

"Malik! Get the wench" Altaïr called over his shoulder in his 'I'm far too important' voice to poor Malik who was already getting their plates of food and Vivian growled at his cold demeanor.

"I don't need your help, queen bee" she snapped curtly to return the same sentiments and tried to make her legs work but they only responded with a bothersome a charley horse. Great, even her nervous system was asleep. Her hands massaged the worst tingling areas instantly as she cursed at whatever part of the brain did that to muscle cramps and yipped aloud when she felt a yank on the back of her robes.

Most people would believe Altaïr to be a knight in shining armor for the ladies (or so most fanfics lead the reader to believe) but Vivian saw the spawn of the devil when she hit the hot ground on her ass. She sputtered loud curses at the man as her painful butt was awakened out of its numbed dreams by searing hot pain to the harsh impact and wanted to beat the man with her boot. The assassin said nothing in apology and simply walked back to Malik without even asking if she was all right.

Asshole.

"When I get back home, I'm going to write such a bad fanfic involving you, Robert de Sable, a raccoon, pig lard, and forceps. . .crap, I just traumatized myself" Vivian muttered irritably with a disgusted shudder at the horrible pairing but it was for rightful justice. Like the saying went 'the pen is mightier than the sword'.

She managed to stand after three tries because those legs of hers were practically jello after the long hours of riding. Vivian gave herself a victory when she made it the makeshift bench without crawling like a dying dog to where the men were fixing the food.

Unlike the cold assassin, Malik was ten times kinder in her book when he handed her a cup of water with a genial smile and she chugged it thirstily. Forget the possible contamination of bacteria. She burped loudly enough to make a drunk football fan proud the second she finished, setting the cup down on the wooden bench, and Altaïr glared at her awful feminine mannerisms in which she scoffed, "Oh, keep your socks on."

Her eyes scanned the dishes of hot food as the freshly made scents of spicy aromas filled her nose, watering her hungry salivary glands instantly, and Malik asked amusingly to her eager face, "Have you eaten food like this before?"

"Well, not really- hot damn, they have baba ganoush- finally, a food I've actually eaten before" Vivian cheered gleefully with a lick of her lips to the yummy dip she loved to eat with tortilla chips back home and grabbed the plate of dip to herself to dip pieces of falafel inside hungrily. Altaïr, however, nabbed the dip back before she could take out the pieces and she protested defensively, "Hey, I called dibs!"

"You will wait until we all have equal portions, wench" he scolded firmly to her greedy manners and whatever 'dibs' were but she wasn't having any of that either. Vivian stuck out her tongue to his tone since he apparently took on the role of dictator over what she did and responded with attitude befitting such a person.

"Yes, 'father', I'll be a good wittle gurl" she mocked dryly with a tight smile and paced for a bit to get the feeling back in her legs while Emperor Altaïr fixed the food. Screw horse riding, she'd rather go on foot from now on if it meant saving her butt from numbing dreams. Lord of the Rings did it. . .okay, it took them a year to complete the mission but still!

This is not a fun adventure, she thought miserably and batted a nearby fly that wanted to land on her face. And the bugs. Ugh, where's some eucalyptus or lemon to use as natural repellent?

The robe was suffocating her (the fact that it was dark brown and wouldn't reflect light like pastel colors didn't help either) and she threw off the hood and piece of cloth that covered her mouth onto the ground. She'd done it for natural sunscreen purposes but hoped she wouldn't have tan lines on her beige skin by the time she arrived at Masyaf. Her hands lifted the skirt to knee length to let in a cooling breeze that caused wonderful shivers on her hot skin and Vivian grinned like that infamous Marilyn Monroe picture with the floating dress except she looked more like a goofy dark-haired drunk instead of a sex symbol.

"Woman, stop bringing shame to yourself!" Altaïr snapped sharply to what she was doing in public without a care and she shot him a heated glare for the reprimand. Really, this wench was more trouble than she was worth! He jabbed a finger in her direction to sternly order, "Have some sense of decency!"

"I'd have you know that women are allowed to show their legs publicly along with their arms and anything else that doesn't include their private parts in my time" she stated stubbornly as his teachings clashed with hers but she remained undeterred by the assassin. Her feet kicked a few random rocks around to give her legs exercise and fresh air as she quickly corrected herself haughtily, "Well, in most countries, but I'm Catholic so nyeh!"

He gave up the fight before she caught the attention of people gathered at the small resting stop and placed her portions at the end of the bench (he wanted to be as far from her as possible) before people started staring at the woman for showing her legs in public. Vivian quickly ran up to grab her plate before hungry flies landed on it, shooting him a scathing glare for his rude behavior. Sitting down to eat a good meal after barely eating breakfast before dawn, she heard him mumble quietly to Malik, "She'd be dead if it wasn't for us. . .can't even act modestly in public. She looks more like a harlot-"

Vivian slapped the back of his hooded head without warning and retorted before he could turn to admonish her, "Says the man that couldn't distinguish an impostor of Robert de Sable with breasts from the real thing."

"She said breasts" Malik laughed hysterically at her unabashed words in public (he really wondered how her world was at this point) while Altaïr bristled at the comment for the strike at his pride. Anyone could've made that mistake. The dai took a bite from a falafel crisp with a delicious 'mmm' before smiling up at both of them giddily, "This is going to be the best intercontinental adventure."

Vivian choked on a piece of juicy chicken and sputtered with a cough, "Wait. What?"

A/N: Ha, Altair is such a jerk and poor Vivian just wants her butt to stop having dreams while Malik, well, I think he's enjoying all the new entertainment. The trio will continue the journey in the next chapter as Vivian tries to find out more about her new existence in the world of AC while Altair keeps interrogating her. Here's a few quotes from the next chapter where Altair and Vivian share a fire at camp:

"I'm hitting the hay-"

"We have no hay."

She gave him a deadpan expression and hung her head to groan, "It's a 21st century saying. It means I'm going to sleep."

Vivian crawled away to her spot in the camp and he heard her mumble, "Like a baby."

Altair grabbed a small pebble nearby that barely weighed anything and flung it at her rear for a direct hit. "Ow!"

Thank you to all of your story alerts/fav's because the more I see, the more I keep clacking away. Right now, this story is around rank 3 or 4 against my other fanfics with Avatar being first but feedback keeps the story alive. Thanks to my past chapter reviewers:

Pseudo British kid- I'm glad you and another reader that reviewed loved that line. If you're sprawled over the floor while Altair looms over you, I'm sure it would turn awkward at having to talk to his crotch, haha. Malik's the calm and peacemaker in this since he needs more screen time than the game gave him.

Laundrylint- Ha, horizontal monkey tango. Priceless. Thanks for liking the story since I'm trying to keep it humorous but logically believable because there's no way a time traveler into the AC world would be fitting in happily without a mental breakdown in between. Some stories leave out that reality and go straight into repeating the AC game all over with a peppy smile but poor Vivian's taking the stress off her mind by chatting to a horse.

TheSpaceButler- I'm glad you love the humor in this story! I plan to keep it full of it since Vivian will be smack in the center of it as the poor soul tries to adjust to the harsh change of time.

NaruVamp- I bow graciously at making you laugh and yes, Altair will remain an annoyance to Vivian with his suspicious attitude but he'll get his just desserts when he unknowingly sleeps next to a crocodile in Egypt.