Walk Like an Egyptian

"All the assassins at Masyaf say
Ay oh whey oh, ay oh whey oh
Walk like an Egyptian
Walk like an Egyptian- ow!"

A resounding wet splat echoed the strike of Altaїr's paddle on Vivian's behind but the hit held no real strength, just a warning thump to tell her to be quiet before he really did spank her like he'd done the first time. He'd repeatedly hit her every time she grinded his nerves with her chirpy tone (especially her rhythmic tunes) and from his spot at the bow of the canoe, he justified with an irritated voice, "You've been singing that song nonstop for the last. . ."

Briefly glancing at the clear blue sky overhead, he pinpointed the sun's location to estimate the time by its present angle and flatly stated with contempt in his brown eyes, "Two hours. You need to stop before I drown you and grant the Egyptian people a favor."

Her green eyes narrowed as she hated having her rear end wet because of his short fuse and hoped it would dry before reaching the city of Cairo. Who would want to enter the capital with a wet butt for all to see during their first visit? It was the equivalence of visiting Disneyland with flashy Marvel costumes; you'd be an obvious eyesore. The group was on the second day of the journey toward the city after receiving correct coordinates from a fishing village yesterday since Altaїr insisted they know exactly where to go rather than row blindly and hope to strike gold. With the rapid pace they'd set (again, at the insistence of a certain aquaphobic assassin), they were confident they would arrive before the afternoon came.

The day, as always, was bathed in humidity due to the jungle-like environment surrounding northern Egypt as drier conditions had yet to arrive but a cool breeze flowed in once in a while to offer sweet relief as they traveled. Altaїr's neck was sweating profusely underneath his hood as he refused to take it down as an assassin never would in public, even over the water as small boats randomly passed them throughout their trip. Malik suffered less heat than his companion as he doused himself with river water every once in a while to keep cool as he felt every inch of his skin was sweating and the lack of a nearby bathhouse disappointed him straight into heat-induced depression. Altaїr knew he'd have to write about the different temperatures of the foreign land to Ilias to update their encyclopedic knowledge of the world for future assassins venturing south. He couldn't have his assassins boiling alive in their robes as they traveled down the Nile and would suggest land travel if they weren't in a hurry since it offered shade unlike the exposed river.

"You know, a simple 'Vivian, would you kindly stop singing?' would've done wonders, Robin Hood" she said sarcastically as her fingers touched the large brown wet spot on the back of her robes and her lips twisted into a frown at the blotch. Great, now people would think she peed herself again. If she wasn't so afraid he'd butcher her on his hidden blade, she would've beat him over the head with a paddle to knock some humility into him.

She'd been mortified when they arrived at the fishing village yesterday and Altaїr forced her to join them (the man had serious trust issues that would've paid for a psychiatrist's vacation home), leading to her walking backwards so people wouldn't see the dark blotch. Of course, grabbing Altaїr to cover her from the other side with his own body hadn't gone very well since he wasn't keen on physical contact either and that led towards more attention to her wet butt when he shoved her aside. She would never show her face in that village again after what she endured with the residents long stares and hushed whispers, especially when Altaїr prolonged her suffering further by stating she had issues since birth. His precise words had been 'despite the pretty face, you wouldn't want to be married to her. She pees herself. . .constantly'.

Grumbling inaudibly under her breath, she vowed she wouldn't have that problem again in Cairo and literally took off the outer layer of her robes that suffered the most water damage to save the other two layers underneath. Malik yelped aloud to seeing his new friend cast aside clothing since women covered themselves modestly in their time and one rarely saw anything above the ankles, under the neck, or past the wrists. Vivian merely sighed gratefully at cooling her boiling skin since one less layer meant less chance of heatstroke and she smoothed out her wet layer to drape it across her spot on the bench to let it airdry with the sun's heat. Happy that she was now in a sleeveless dress that reached down to the middle of her legs, she laid back to grin joyfully but her friend's sudden yell caused her to turn around. Seeing his wide eyes, she became alarmed to possible danger and asked worriedly with haste, "What's wrong? Crocodile? Ah, damn it, don't tell me it's a hippo!"

She was on alert instantly and charged forward to grasp Altaїr's arms as they rowed forward, surprising the assassin to the sudden physical touch as she tried to ward off any predatory attention by stopping further ripples in the water. Malik was almost tempted to lie about why he yelped when he saw his friend fall back from his struggle with the frantic woman and both of them crashed onto the floor of the canoe, paddles thumping against the hard wooden floor. The dai could only slap a hand to his forehead in dismay to what he'd inadvertently caused when Vivian's bare legs dangled in the air while Altaїr tried to free himself from their tangled limbs, yelling aloud with irritation written across his hooded face, "What is wrong in that mind of yours?"

Vivian quickly recovered from the fall, which was embarrassing enough in its compromising position as she pushed him away with blushing cheeks that she tried to cover with her hands. In an era that was overly modest, she still carried her propriety from hers as any sophisticated woman did. Coughing awkwardly as she turned to lower the skirt of her brown dress as it hiked over her knees, she justified her actions with a firm expression, "But Malik saw-"

"Woman, have you no shame?" Altaїr roared furiously with his hawk-like glare as she once again broke the stoic mask of the assassin and Vivian winced as she stared down a furious bear. He couldn't believe he was seeing her dressed in a state befitting paid harlots on the streets as her lean arms were visible, faint hints of muscle contours on her upper arms from the daily carrying of supplies and rowing. Her bare feet wiggling over the floorboard added the last touch as she scowled at him for his harsh critique of her outfit since she was simply wearing a sleeveless dress. A dress! True, it was a little thin in fabric but with the unbearable heat, she couldn't tolerate wearing thick garments under her robes and it wasn't transparent in the slightest so she couldn't see his disagreement. She wore another similar layer underneath in black to cover any kind of transparency while her old-fashioned undergarments were all in check (she tightened her chest in cloth anyway so what in the world could she give a view of?).

"In my time, this is beyond normal" she justified because she wasn't looking to fry under the sun like an egg on a scorching sidewalk and pinched the hem of her brown dress. It had the appearance of a simple dress that anyone could buy to wear for the summertime and she sighed with exasperation to the archaic times, "If you think this is bad, you should see what women my age wear at night to dance. That would give you five simultaneous heart attacks in a row!"

He was about to blurt that he didn't care what women from whatever-year-she-was-from wore because she was in his time where garb like that was considered scandalous and she should heed their norms. Vivian clamped her right hand over his mouth to silence the next barrage of insults ready to fling forth and tried to reach a compromise by requesting calmly, "Look, I'm not used to such humid conditions and my insides are literally boiling in their own juices at this point. There's nobody around and I'm only putting it to dry since you wanted to use your handy paddle to exert your assassin authority. . .so if anything, this is your fault."

Malik groaned miserably into his hand as she said the four words that automatically set Altaїr to detonate into full blown hostility. He took cover in the back of the canoe as the assassin's brown eyes narrowed into dangerous slits that would've had killing power on their own if he willed it and Altaїr hissed dangerously between thinned lips, "How dare you-"

Vivian hiked up the hem of her dress to bare her leg up to the thigh in the classic pin up girl style of the 20th century in a last effort to render him silent and it worked marvelously as his eyes widened instantly. The social norms of this time were lost on the poor woman as she struggled adjusting to the culture shock as well but she didn't feel ashamed of what normal women her age saw as natural in her era. It was the equivalence of wearing shorts! Frankly, she was profusely embarrassed because she'd yet to find a decent razor that wouldn't cut her skin and not risk giving her tetanus but Altaїr didn't seem to care about her shaving problem. His eyes finally managed to snap away from their glued position on her bare leg and he clenched his fists to admonish her appalling tactics with a heated scowl, "Vivian!"

"What? It was the only way to get you to calm down before you exploded right out of that white hood" she rationalized before she was declared an evil seductress and stabbed to death by a hidden blade to be dumped in the Nile as crocodile food. Smoothing out her dress into its full length as she made it wrinkle free, she avoided eye contact to reduce the kindling burning in his eyes that wanted her to burn in a river of lava. The man was a serious typhoon to be trifled with and Vivian didn't see why wearing the hood made him more ominous because if anything, the murderous gleam in his eyes would've killed off enemies like Medusa's gaze. Looking at the top of his hood to simultaneously speak to him directly and avoid his gaze, she requested calmly, "All I'm asking is a moment to cool down."

"You're distracting Malik" he pointed out directly to shift focus onto the dai, who's face reddened to being placed in the spotlight since he was an innocent bystander. Vivian rolled her eyes with disgruntlement as he tried to find reasons to oppress her behavior and felt like a rebellious teenager arguing with her father. Heaven forbid what he'd do with his own future children should they disobey him. Oh, the joy she would feel if Altaїr could ever meet Ezio and see the vast difference between them despite being of the same bloodline.

Malik sat up instantly as he was called to attention and his brown eyes darted between the exasperated Vivian and the enraged Altaїr, both who were looking to him to decide what side he would choose. His friend looked ready to murder anyone who dared question his Grand Master authority while Vivian seemed more likely to pass out from heat exhaustion. He couldn't blame Vivian for her forgetfulness on their customs since she'd barely been with them for a month and he'd begun to see her as a younger sister to guide throughout her new world. The ex-assassin decided to mark his neutral corner and risk Altaїr's wrath as he stated simply with a hint of amusement in his voice, "No, she's not. Besides, I'm not the one who was shown a woman's bare legs so if anything, I'd say you were trying to mask your own distraction by the sight."

His words immediately caused Altaїr's left eye to twitch madly with restrained fury that would've brought a cataclysmic apocalypse throughout the world if he'd been a super volcano ready to burst.

"Trust me, these are not the legs of the 21st century" Vivian sighed pathetically to what her legs had become during the travel and would raid every shop owned by a woman in Cairo to pick up beauty secrets as their honey/milk secret came in handy. She'd rarely had time to buy anything since leaving Masyaf as Altaїr was adamant they cross the Nile as quickly as possible and denied her pleas unless it was for food (even then, he'd told her to go hunt something down). Wiggling her bare toes to let them nab some air in between the gaps, she explained the average legs of her world with a sheepish smile, "Lean, toned, and hairless is the style."

This caught the attention of both men since they'd never heard of such a thing and their puzzled expressions carried into their voices as they declared in unison, "Hairless?"

Her green eyes blinked with bewilderment since even Altaїr's piercing stare of confusion itself was unnerving and wondered if all of his emotional expressions carried underlying threat. He was just like Palpatine from Star Wars, playing nice with a frail old man smile while his eyes carved out your face into a jack-o-lantern. . .okay, maybe not to that extreme but the assassin's features were set on 'intimidating' all the time. Tearing her eyes away toward the more mild mannered Malik, she asked meekly as if being overheard would bring about the world's end, "You mean no woman shaves in this era?"

She took their chirping cricket worthy silence as a spot on positive and tilted her head to the side to ponder about that fact. The freedom of ditching a razor for life was overwhelming but a woman of her time needed the thing just as badly as deodorant (which this era also failed to supply) which told her the search continued. Her nose wrinkled for a second as she mused aloud with her newfound knowledge, "First of all, ew. And second. . ."

"Hallelujah to casting aside modern norms!" she cheered gratefully to how low she could sink her hygiene without drawing attention (it was pretty low) as she grabbed both assassins by the neck to pull them into a tight hug that had both men cheek-to-cheek with her. Her legs kicked happily as her bad day began to turn merrier with the news while both men began to wonder where her sudden strength had come from as she held them in her iron grip.

Altaїr tried to wrench himself free from her clutches since her ways were rather strange, not to mention bold, and he wasn't the type to initiate physical contact unless forced to do so. His feet kicked the air furiously as he found himself struggling in her grip, wriggling like a trapped eel as he snapped sternly with a scowl, "The boat is going to float off-course, you crazy wench!"

"All right, I-," she paused her happy moment when she spotted people walking near the shores of the fertile land to farm it and as luck would have it, she'd caught their attention in her state of dress. This time, blush crept onto her cheeks for being caught like a deer in headlights but refused to let it twist her facial features into coyness because she wasn't letting Altaїr have another win. Adults turned a curious eye to the wandering trio in the canoe as Vivian appeared cheerful, Malik was embarrassedly flustered, and Altaїr was downright furious, as the men hung limply from her arms at being discovered in such unsightly behavior.

Vivian widened her smile to the point that it was seen across the Nile itself to maintain a peaceful ambience (despite Mt. Altaїr bubbling behind her) and she declared perkily with cheer, "Don't mind me, kind people, I'm just traveling with my husbands. I'm a Mosuo traveling from the east and they're in my walking marriage so it's totally okay!"

"Husbands?" Altaїr hissed irately to what she'd just declared to complete strangers and she released him instantly so he could paddle in the right direction before the current altered their path. He was seriously considering leaving her alone for a few days so she could understand how the world work and appreciate his generosity for allowing her to tag along. Really, what kind of relationships formed in her world? He was an honorable monogamous man, even under a fake identity.

"Shut up and row, now!" she ordered briskly before anyone decided she was a heretic and had to be jailed in accordance to Egyptian laws. She gave the farmers a friendly wave of the hand that rivaled any Miss Universe contestant, but still horrible enough to fail at judging, and kept her eyes on the shoreline as she kept Malik in a one-armed hug to show off as her boy toy. The dai could only hang off her arm helplessly since his only arm was on the opposite side and watched the people on the shoreline. His eyes silently pleaded that they stop their awkward staring but knew that this was only the beginning to the crazy identities he'd have to play for more than a year.

Vivian smiled at him as the internal embarrassment faded away since her diversions came ever so handy and as any actress in training, she'd have to perfect her mediocre acting skills. She'd never been one for theater which was the ironic part, choosing to take art classes in drawing instead. Despite she'd tweaked the truth a little about the eastern culture, she reassured both of them for a sense of peace, "We'll be fine. Besides, they don't even know half the stuff I said."

"I don't even know what you said" Malik sighed miserably to Vivian's cunning mind and hoped he wouldn't leave Africa with crazy farfetched identities attached to his name. The last thing he wanted to see was a wanted poster hanging throughout cities, already imagining his pouting face on the drawing as well as Vivian's grinning smile that bordered on hysteria and Altaїr's enraged scowl that leapt towards the artist that rendered it.

Even now, their faces mirrored those exact expressions.

"Row, row, row, our boat,
Gently down the Nile
Merrily, merrily, merrily, mer-"

"You say merrily one more time-" Altaїr threatened the singing woman and readied his right paddle to thwack her on the butt but she pulled back his hood to give his face a full dose of healthy sunshine. This time, she was one step ahead with his Achilles heel since he treasured that thing. The assassin's pupils dilated immediately to the full blast of sunlight and his face twisted into pain as he exclaimed loudly with drama fit for a dying hero, "Arrgh!"

Before he involuntarily dropped the paddles into the water, she pulled it back over his face for protection with a meek squeak since she hadn't expected that kind of reaction. What kind of assassin practically yells like the melting Wicked Witch when faced with bare sunlight? If anything, Vivian had expected his greatest fear to be large bodies of water and although she was close to realizing it, was baffled at having her revenge go wrong.

Patting the back of his head in a feeble attempt to calm the furious caged lion underneath the hood, she kicked herself mentally for being so daring with a man that could skewer her on his blade like shishkebab. She quickly turned away to sit down on her bench in the canoe, her voice hitching into higher notes as she apologized with nervous haste that still brought innocent humor into it, "Sorry, I didn't know assassins like you were vampires instead of cats. By that, I mean the light-fearing, blood sucking, bat transforming creatures of myth that are to be feared and respected, not the annoyingly gag worthy romantic modern versions which totally suck-"

"Vivian!" he stopped her rambles with a forceful yell as he placed the paddles inside the boat to rearrange the white hood over his head and block out the sunlight from bothering his vision. He shook his head to her crazy prattle since he'd yet to meet anyone like her and although he preferred the silent type of people, her knack to jump from one subject to another both riled and challenged him. Her odd quirk made him wonder if that's where her ability to shift from one persona to another came from or whether she suffered a speech impediment that forgot to pull the stop lever in her mind when talking. Giving her a sidelong glance as she twiddled her thumbs innocently and tried to win him over with a big sappy smile that failed in catastrophic proportions, he remarked dully with thinned lips, "I fear what your realm has become if you are the average woman-"

"Hey!"

"I don't want to interrupt your 'clash of the ages' spat but we're approaching Cairo" Malik broke into the feuding duo as he could see the outline of the capital as limestone buildings over the skyline greeted their eyes. Aiming a glance towards the eager Vivian, who completely disregarded her argument with Altaїr to become engrossed with the ancient city, Malik informed her state of dress amusingly, "You might want to dress up."

Twenty minutes later, Altaїr and Vivian were rowing the boat carefully towards the shore of the city as smaller boats could be seen tied to a makeshift wooden dock that managed visitors from all cities of trade. Careful, however, was the understatement as the trio fought the raging current that decided to pick on them and Altaїr kept the boat steady from tipping over into the water. He wasn't about to find death in water after surviving deadlier encounters and cursed the body of water since he'd yet to learn how to swim, glaring at the rolling death trap with absolute hatred. Vivian guided the turns from the back to make sure they kept on track towards the dock as she yelled aloud to nobody in particular, "Oh, come on! The Greeks call you Poseidon while I call you Aquaman. . .and I demand you help us!"

She spit out cold water when her newly dried robes became soaking wet again from the waist up and hoped she wouldn't be falling into the water to be sucked into a black hole of a whirlpool somewhere. That would be the suckiest death in all of Assassin's Creed and if anything, dying in a battle against Templars sounded far better. Altaїr spotted a calm opening in the turbulent current as they neared the docks and he shouted over to his group as his wet hood stuck to the contours of his face, "Hold on!"

Malik held onto their valuable belongings, and his queasy stomach, as the river's rolling waves rocked them to the sides with fury that matched the residing crocodiles and wished for his lost arm because losing his balance would not be pretty. Water splashed against their boat as it screamed to be let in, filling their canoe as they tore through one of the waves that crushed against them as it practically tried to absorb them underwater. Altaїr used all of his upper body strength to steer the boat toward the left, fighting against the water trying to suck the wooden paddle as he moved them continuously up the river. He wasn't about to submit defeat to that element of nature as his natural instinct to survive kicked in and he yelled out his next order, "Vivian, keep the boat steady, I'm making a break through it!"

"Aye, aye, Cap'n!" she called back with a grim expression on her wet face since she wasn't about to drown after traveling nonstop and kept the paddle in her hands in a firm grip. She might have the strength of an injured horsefly but she gave it her all as their boat sailed through the water, cutting towards the left as nature herself tried to prove otherwise.

Despite the fear pounding her heart like a jackhammer, she was impressed with Altaїr's determination since sea sickness was his mortal enemy but maybe this was his way to show the elements who was boss as they played the role of clothing during the rinse cycle. Either way, she was cheering for him. Otherwise, they'd all be dead and the AC timeline would go horribly awry without the Grand Master to pave the way for Ezio. Her arms ached as the strength of the current tried to rip the paddle away from her arms, and probably those too, and the water clouded her vision as it continuously splashed against her eyes with a gentle sting. Oh, what she'd give for water goggles to help them out but these were the circumstances they were dealt with. Malik decided to help out by telling them to move left or right to make sure they didn't fall into another current and head downstream again or further upstream.

The trio managed to survive their first river rafting by having Malik shout orders as the other two rowed furiously and eventually, the three cheered happily when they broke away from the main current to head left towards the shore. The small group were the picture perfect ending out of a summer blockbuster as their paddles waved in the air and Vivian already had a title for it if she ever returned home to type on her beloved laptop. 'Rolling Courage' by Viv88 featuring Altaїr Ibn. . .backspace the long name and add Malik to save fanfiction's limited summary. Yeah, that sounded nice in Vivian's adrenaline driven mind as water dripped down her forehead and into her eyes.

Their jolly victory was short-lived, however, as they faced their newest obstacle.

With the three being novices in water travel, they weren't prepared for the correct speed needed to dock at the shore and land came up to meet them faster than they could move towards preventing it. Malik quickly gave them the other two paddles to complete the two pairs as he ordered them to reverse their momentum to lower their speed as the dock was approaching them rapidly. Despite the nausea rolling within Altaїr's stomach, his agility wasn't hindered as he grabbed them and stabbed them into the water to begin rowing immediately as Vivian followed with a less graceful version as she spit out water from between her lips. They rowed backwards to try preventing it, Altaїr's soaked robes fighting against the current with all of his strength as his hood practically attached to his face like a mask and Vivian no longer cared about the state of her clothing as she used her weight in a last attempt to sway the boat.

"Abort! We're going to hit the shore!" Vivian cried out to the men as their rowing did absolutely nothing to avoid a collision and Altaїr threw down the paddles under the benches to protect them from the crash. Hopefully, their canoe would hold and avoid receiving any damage but if not, they were in for another bargaining day and Altaїr would hate having to act as anything but an assassin. That is, whether he lived long enough and didn't drown within minutes if he fell overboard into the river.

"Hold on!" Altaїr commanded his team with a grim expression and grabbed hold of one of the benches installed inside but changed his mind the very next second as he glanced down at his hands and realized something. Malik. His gaze met Vivian's as she dove towards the middle to grab their friendly dai, since he didn't have luxury of a good two-handed grip, and Altaїr joined her to make sure his friend wouldn't fall overboard. Malik was touched by their gesture as they left themselves vulnerable in order to protect him (especially Altaїr) and in that moment, he counted himself blessed for having such friendship despite his past qualms with Altaїr and not knowing much about Vivian.

A rough crash on the shore that hurled mud into the air from the sheer force and a scream later, people on the small sidewalk/dock dodged the sudden influx of water splashing all over the place and stared at the wooden canoe that brought it in. Malik picked himself off from the floor of the boat and sat up unsteadily with his arm to find himself to be the only inhabitant of the canoe when he had expected to be the first to fly out. The boat lacked any movement as he saw the front lightly hitting the dock with the current's sway but he heard no noise from his companions.

Crawling to the front on all threes (ugh, he hated missing an arm) with haste to find his friends as worry filled his mind, he saw where Vivian and Altaїr had landed and he choked back laughter of relief about the irony of it all. One was sprawled facedown all over the mud covered bank on their stomach as their petite feet kicked into the air, splashing water all over the place as it was the shallowest end of the riverbank and saw them spit out wet sand from their mouth. The other surfaced from the river to spit out mouthfuls of water as their limbs flailed wildly to the fear of sudden drowning but they soon realized that the water was only chest high in depth.

"Not again!" both of them complained as they landed in the similar fashion as their first river crossing and Malik chuckled with friendly relief to see them both safe and well. Well, physically at least. Vivian met Altaїr's sour gaze as she sat up to wipe her face free of mud with a disgusted frown and couldn't help but laugh at their predicament and the stroke of bad luck of their side. Altaїr was just about ready to buy camels to shift their entire trip to mandatory land travel and bar any kind of water travel (even crossing a shallow stream) as he frowned deeply to his ruined robes, splashing the water like a fussy child with his hands. If he had the power, he would've banished water off the entire world and placed it all within a giant lake reserved for drinking only.

Vivian didn't even bother wiping off anything this time since a simple wash would do and headed to the water to clean it all off quickly but stopped when she saw something move behind the assassin. Altaїr noticed the sudden halt as her eyes squinted to pinpoint something past his shoulder and the grim expression on her face told her he was about to face another of the river's creatures. Egypt really didn't seem to take a liking to him, did it? He sighed dejectedly to the sky overhead for what it had decided to bestow upon him today, like the dangerous river rafting wasn't enough to traumatize him, and called out with sarcastic challenge, "Let me guess: another crocodile?"

Both Malik and Vivian shook their heads from their safe spots. Well, that sounded like good news.

"Water snake?"

Another negative.

"Then what- arrgh, get the hell off!" Altaїr yelled with scornful surprise when a young hippopotamus decided to take a munch out of his right shoulder and the man punched it hard on its snout to drive it away. He wasn't about to become an animal's lunch either since mother nature failed to suck him into its watery depths and resisted from using his hidden blade on the creature. Oh, how he was tempted to be rid of anything standing in his way but he wasn't a reckless man anymore and the fat animal did look cute in a humorous way if it hadn't been trying to eat him.

The animal recoiled from the hit with a squeal as it managed to rip off part of a superficial layer of his garb and the assassin took off running toward the shore with his fastest pace. The young hippopotamus quickly regained its fury for being attacked in return and swam after him with vengeance filling its round black eyes. To Vivian, it was like a miniature shark attack waiting to happen (except with a cutesy smaller and angrier version that was purple) and ran towards the water to help with the courage of a lifeguard but not the slow-motion flashiness of a woman off Baywatch. Despite she found the little hippopotamus cute for trying to assert its dominance, she didn't want to see Altaїr mauled to death before her. . .again. Malik tried to grab its attention by repeatedly poking its side with the end of a paddle when it swam by him but it paid him no attention as it wanted Altaїr, its eyes locking onto the assassin's white backside with a target sign. Having the assassin wear his eye catching white robes didn't help matters either.

Vivian dove waist deep into the murky water despite the dangers within and hiked the skirt of her robes in one hand to help tread through the water, using the other to reach out to Altaїr so he could grasp it. The assassin's fingers sought out to meet hers as he leapt forward and she snatched his rough fingers like a venus flytrap the second they touched hers. Using the wet and mushy dirt under her feet as support, she yanked him away from the growling animal's reach (it wasn't as cute when it was trying to tear you into two) and towards shore as both ran to meet the land. Vivian didn't release his hand until they were safely on land among other people and even then, she checked the torn area of his robe to make sure he wasn't injured. Seeing the number of humans on the shore, the young hippo decided that the battle was lost as its aggression faded and with a snort that shot water out of its nostrils, it submerged back into the dark waters to disappear like a phantom. It wasn't the conclusion the animal wanted but it treasured its life farther than the stupid white creature that hurt him and hoped another of its kind ate the deformed river fish one day.

Panting as he caught his breath, he couldn't help but notice Cairo's residents had taken an interest to the scene he caused with the wild animal and he cursed under his breath for bringing attention to himself so quickly. Assassins concealed themselves flawlessly to carry out their tasks, never involving themselves in public fiascos. Was he losing his touch as he ventured into new lands? He considered himself extremely lucky that there were no Templars in view as he surveyed the crowd with his eagle vision in one sweep. Vivian decided to draw the curious stares towards herself to protect the hooded man and placed her hands on her muddy hips, shifting her weight to the side in the classic 'dramatic woman pose' to demand sharply with offense, "What? You've never seen someone punch a hippo? Move along, people."

People murmured under their breath about the foreigner and gasped to the woman's brash tongue, scuttling away to carry on with their business. Malik tied their canoe by rope to a wooden stump on the dock to begin their trip before things went awry and they were vanished from the city for something his companions did. He placed their travel packs on the wet dock as he stepped out of the boat and grinned at Vivian to jest, "You have a way with words, my friend."

"Thanks, but he really needs to stop drawing animal attention" she replied with an amused smile to the recent events involving animals and the master assassin as she wiped her face clear of mud with the back of her bare arm. Her robes were dirty beyond belief despite the care she'd given them since leaving Masyaf and Altaїr didn't fare any better as he held the appearance of a wet cat with deflated robes that hugged his body in a way that would've had women swooning. The back of her mind where fangirl-ism was sealed in an airtight vault thrashed as it demanded that the man be ravished. That thought mixed in with the recent animal incidents brought the perfect joke to her sarcastic mind as Vivian grinned to let her best joke of the day fly forth from her lips, "We need to shut off your animal magnetism. . . .eh? Get it?"

Again, she received cricket worthy silence from the assassins as the joke was flattened like a pesky fly against a window and she clenched her fists to complain with misery, "D'oh! Nobody understands my jokes nowadays!"

Altaїr ignored the banter aimed toward him since he wanted to know what was going on with the Templar Order within the city and not the atrocious thing Vivian called humor. He wasn't a humorous man, period. He grabbed his travel pack to hoist it over his right shoulder by its single leather strap and pointed a finger towards the entrance to guide his team back to Assassin business, "Let's go."

"Altaїr, you're soaking wet, you're going to stand out like a camel in a horse stable" she protested matter-of-factly as she waved her hands toward his wet robes and Malik bit back a laugh to her figurative example. If the man was trying to remain inconspicuous, this was a lousy way to go about it. He was practically declaring his profession to Templar spies with a visual bullhorn and wasn't about to let him go wandering the city with his testosterone driven tendencies to stab Templars. Pinching the back of his wet hood before he could escape them into the crowds gathered east of them, she ordered him like a mother hen, "They can wait while you air-dry a little."

Malik pointed to Altaїr's travel pack and informed her with a kind smile, "A change of clothes does wonders, young Vivian."

Her lips twisted into an 'o' of acknowledgement as Altaїr aimed a superior smirk over his visible features towards her flustered face and she glanced away to mutter flatly, "Right."

The man absolutely lacked the human ability to smile and wondered when it surfaced in future generations because Ezio was master with his gallery of expressions to charm women, negotiate with allies, humor friends, and taunt his enemies.

Altaїr moved his entourage forward with a simple flick of the wrist and the three wet amigos were off to enter the capital of Egypt, a city of one of Earth's oldest civilizations. Despite her muddy appearance (which drew a few curious eyes), Vivian was as giddy as a child on Christmas as her eyes took in every aspect of the entrance as limestone blocks created a small wall since the Nile deposits formed farmland that passed through the city border. Guards lined the area with weapons in case of danger and foreign intruders to make up for the lack of superior defense the wall provided since Cairo needed food for its residents as all settlements did by using the fertile riverbanks. Traders were lugging wooden crates filled with goods, weaved baskets of food, and other wares over their backs and in their arms as they made a living by trading from city to city drawing Vivian's interest to the hardships of the people in this era. In modern times, it was constantly seen in developing countries to keep the economy running and she wondered if she would wind up with a same trade if her life was indeed trapped there. Women were barred from holding professions, having an education, or owning land (although ancient Egypt did allow women ownership of property), and Vivian's independent streak couldn't handle such conditions as her mind was a sponge for knowledge after having parents that encouraged it.

Seeing wooden carts moving in between the interior of the city gave Vivian the insight of what the Assassins fought for as hardworking people toiled to survive in the world with their free will rather than losing what it meant to be human by being mindless drones to the pieces of Eden as the Templars sought to do. A hand to the shoulder snapped Vivian from her solemn rumination and she turned around swiftly to face Altaїr, the one who would fight endlessly to prevent such. He held no expression underneath his hood except for his classic stoic look but he unknowingly soothed her private worries with simple words, "I will buy you new robes from a humble merchant when we finish here."

Her hands twitched involuntarily and before the assassin could stop her, she embraced him in the middle of the docks and Malik slapped his forehead in disbelief to the sudden display of emotion. Five minutes into the city and scene number two occurred as the muddy woman hugged the soaked man as Vivian beamed with a sappy smile whereas Altaїr practically grew fangs of ferocity for it. Of course, when people stared at the public scene, Malik dismissed its scandalous outlook by lying they were siblings who'd just lost their parents and he was visiting from a mosque up north while she was a poor peasant. Altaїr, however, instinctively pushed her away like the plague itself for the close contact and for turning his robes a nasty brown color, "Stop that! Look at what you've done! This looks like animal crap, you idiotic wench!"

Vivian scowled to his brusque attitude and reminded herself no more joyous displays of affection because he was an eternal black hole that absorbed nor cared for any of it. Really, she was beginning to wonder what happened to the calm and collected assassin in the game because this one was a ticking time bomb. Then again, she was in a realm where absolutely nothing made sense to her. As always, Malik became the peacemaker as he drew the neutral border between the two warring factions and ushered them forward with a firm voice, "We are in Cairo and we will enter as happy guests, ready to witness this new city with its ancient wonders."

His words had an instantaneous magical effect on Vivian as she kicked out Altaїr from her mind and replaced him with Amunet, the kickass Egyptian assassin. Oh, how she yearned for a woman with her mindset that she could mingle with in this time frame.

"I can't believe this is Cairo" she grinned wildly with raw delight as she took in every sight, sound, and smell into memory to write it down later into her travel journal. She pointed to a small black goat that bleated by and cooed to the adorable creature with its little hooves but a crowd of visitors and traders pushed them further towards the entrance. She didn't care being jostled around like coins in a bag as she took in the full experience of Egyptian life while Malik began his own assessment of the city to update his personal knowledge but Altaїr remained impassive about his reaction as he analyzed everything that could be to his advantage. He wasn't here to sightsee, he needed to know every street and building that held vantage points and areas of interest to an assassin on the prowl.

Vivian grinned from ear-to-ear as the sound of merchants selling from their stands began to echo and she turned to Altaїr, who stayed in the middle to keep an eye on the two, and she rambled happily with waving hands full of excitement, "It's like 'The Mummy'. You be the tall, dark, and handsome Medjai warrior trying to save Egypt and I'll be the gung-ho American that kills mummies with a gun!. . .or the geeky British librarian turned adorable sidekick?"

Can't blame a girl for trying to score brownie points with a lethal assassin.

The murderous glare he shot her way told her he wasn't about to play the Ardeth Bay role to suit her movie fantasy and she scampered onwards with happy feet, disappearing into the crowd before he could call her back. Would that woman ever listen to his orders and not run into the unknown without his consent? Altaїr's lips twisted into a frown underneath his wet droopy hood and he cursed the woman's presence with an acid tone, "She is going to drive me insane."

Malik scoffed to his friend's opinion on the pleasant woman as she kept life interesting without the danger their profession brought and told him wryly, "You forget that you're already insane. Who else would punch a hippopotamus in the face?"

"It was self-defense!" Altaїr justified sharply toward the malicious creature since he never gave permission to being anybody's lunch meal and let his rage simmer as he kept it caged for the Templars wandering the city. Once he found a decent and private place to change clothes (probably on an empty rooftop somewhere), the hunt was on.

A/N: I was replaying AC II last week and now Ezio's family theme song is stuck in my head, it's such a touching piece while also fitting the tone I want to end my story with. Poor Altaїr just doesn't seem to get a break from angry animals, if only he could charm them like Ezio does with everything in his sight. Poor Vivian will never get a figurative high five from Altaїr but she tries her best. And Malik, well, he has to put up with them for more than a year. The next chapter will bring the start of their investigation in Cairo as Vivian puts her skills to the test, Altaїr believes prowling is a form of apology, and Malik bonds with Vivian as the two are on route to BFF haven.

Thanks for the new alerts as it pleases me to know there's other people that read the story worldwide and to my last reviewers:

flyingcrispi: Thanks for loving the chapter titles, I try my best to find a hilarious title that fits the plot of each and seeing Altaїr use one is funny in itself since Ezio was allowed any weapon he found (except every day objects since my brother once asked me if I could grab a civilian's lantern and beat a guard with it). As for Maria, we need her to stick around because Altaїr needs descendants and I have my own ending for her because the one Ubisoft made sucks in my view along with Malik's. Maria and Darim will bar Vivian from Altaїr because she wants to keep his path linear than zigzag it all over the place but Altaїr's never the type to listen.

IpiRayan: I hate fritzy computer issues, especially when I have to update and do research for my stories.

Bearybeary: Thanks for loving the hilarity!

CheLeapofFaith: I don't mind the spazzing, I'm the same with stories I love on this site. I hope you loved this chapter and your avatar ID made me laugh.

Kookie-douwh: I think Malik would be mortified to see Vivian spanked with a switch rather than the single paddle hit but she'd probably get revenge by having him unknowingly sit on an fire ant hill. Maria will be popping up at Masyaf eventually with a bun in the oven since she can no longer run around like that but knowing her determined nature, she'll don a male look again to play assassin instead of templar. I've outlined the entire story and rough drafted chapters already to keep on top (I like the mozambique chapter out of all as they settle down as civilians to wait out cyclone season to madagascar) as I work on a short sequel to tie it all up but with their adventures, it will probably take the readers a long time to get there.

Nothing new in this world: Thank you for the appreciative review, I'm trying to make Vivian as normal but hilarious as possible. She's actually my first character to ever sing things and it's her way of dealing with the crazy life she's fallen into rather than crying and moaning about it; it's a shame she can't carry a decent note though. Altaїr is the most serious assassin out of the three (poor Desmond just wanted a motorcycle) and although he's a deadly warrior, he's still human like the rest of us despite how much he tries to avoid it. It's fun picking at the pieces as we see his attitude (both external and internal) and his inability to fit in with normal everyday people is icing on the cake as he learns from Vivian and Malik who work the crowds with their common touch.

Jake the Dog: Nice, thanks for the info, I named her Vivian because I'd always liked that name and it fit with her cultural background. The romance portion springs forth about a year and few months since Altaїr's like a clam with his feelings and Vivian doesn't want to ruin the time-space continuum either so it's funny when the time arrives.

Next time:

"Remember, Altaїr, you will hold power that nobody's held in centuries and in a great amount that no human should if you succeed with this journey" Vivian advised carefully as her tone shifted to convey seriousness because nobody knew what crazy things the pieces of Eden could do. Those beings had been powerful and if humans were made to look like them without any of their abilities, it gave humankind the outlook of a child holding a gun. It echoed the myth of Pandora's box and Vivian tried her best to advice him as she wagged a motherly finger (despite he beat her age by five years- almost six), "As my Uncle Ben once said, 'with great power, comes great responsibility'. Heed it, Grand Master."

The assassin nodded silently despite he gave no verbal promise and left the two on the dock as he hopped into the boat to leave. He wanted to be across the Nile before nightfall to set up camp inland as the journey to Giza would begin the next morning. Malik turned to the frowning woman just as she'd been ready to flick off Altaїr behind his back and complimented, "Your uncle is a wise man for saying that."

Her frown immediately turned upside down as a goofy grin spread over her dry lips and Vivian admitted casually, "Oh, I don't have an Uncle Ben. He's just a fictional character from an illustrated paper novel called 'Spiderman' that exists in my realm. I just thought the quote was fitting."

Malik's face twisted into sheer disbelief to her crafty mind as Vivian hopped into the boat while innocently humming Spiderman's theme.