Music Inspiration: Jesper Kyd- 'The Wounded Eagle' (The piece sounded too perfect for this chapter)
Vivian's Five Rules For Adventurers
Five months had passed by for the arduous travelers and in that time, Altaïr had received decent correspondence from the settlements alongside the Nile. Amon had turned out to be quite the valuable informant as he played liaison between both orders and they'd flushed out all Templars from Lower Egypt. Unfortunately, Altaïr had to call an end to the letters for both their safeties a month prior since long distance travel would hinder the messengers and could allow sensitive material to fall into the wrong hands. He'd sent his best wishes to everyone, encouraged Ilias to keep doing what he thought was best for the brotherhood, and promised to keep himself safe. As for Maria, he assured he would return to see their child (although he'd miss the birth) and to keep themselves safe as he allowed her to make the decisions due to his absence. He felt like a lousy father already since he was on another continent entirely but what could he do? He couldn't exactly run back when he had an entire continent to cover and Malik couldn't do what he was able to with the foreign temples or activate pieces of Eden- well, not without dying, anyway.
Since then, the trio had been traveling nonstop by water since the Nile River would lead them straight into Lake Victoria (bordering Uganda and Kenya). Altaïr never imagined himself traveling to such untamed land and undeveloped societies as they kept away from the trade routes in case of Templars and found himself humbled by it. Who else could have such a privilege at his age? Most men were either working or supporting a family but here he was, hundreds of miles away from his Syrian homeland. The only life he'd ever known was being an assassin and he would do all he could to maintain his order for future generations by finding answers to the artifacts he wielded.
Although the new land and weather patterns were different, he couldn't complain too much since his company lightened the mood. He had slowly grown immune to Vivian's rhyming as the passage of time allowed him to assimilate the witty badger as a regular part of his life. Otherwise, he would've smacked himself unconscious with an oar every time she opened her mouth. Malik had begun fiddling with the idea of a prosthetic for his missing arm after seeing a few people in Egypt donning a few on their feet or hands. Altaïr stated that the dai seemed perfectly fine without an arm and this led to both Malik and Vivian chucking twigs at him for saying so (apparently, his tone could use help). There were moments in his travel when he felt true fellowship with his two companions, especially when. . .
"Altaïr, I highly doubt you can fish with your bare hands" Vivian called out as she sat at the edge of a river's stream and rinsed a few items of clothing in a bowl. Malik had decided to stay in camp to enjoy peace and quiet (it was a monumental change without the two) while she set out to wash laundry, followed by an assassin eager to hunt lunch. Decent game lacked in the current area as they were surrounded in dense forest as the terrain changed the deeper they headed towards Sudan.
Vivian wringed a gray skirt in her hands to shake out droplets to make sure soap didn't linger or white patches would surface once dry. Sunlight peeked through the trees around the river as the freshwater sparkled and reflected against Altaïr's bare legs as he'd hiked his trousers to the knee. Vivian had made a few whistling catcalls at seeing his legs for the first time, ruggedly manly in her eyes but he'd silenced her by hurling pebbles in her direction. He'd decided that catching prey with his bare hands would be easier than pointing a bow or knife at fish but Vivian was skeptical to believe. The man was amazing in skills already but he was no Survivorman as of yet since everything he caught implemented the use of weapons. She kneeled to shake the skirt once more and placed it over the grass to allow it to dry under the sun, smiling cheekily, "You're fast but not inhumanely fast like a bear."
He quieted her with a hush since the water had to be free of noises as he blended flawlessly into the environment and watched the clear water with a calculating eye. He hadn't caught anything for the last half hour but that didn't deter him since they needed food for lunch. He didn't want to eat rabbit every day and wanted a change of pace before his taste bud died from too much hare. Vivian glanced at the determined man and smiled to herself as he briefly reminded her of a wild man, his body tense with dexterous muscles as he leaned forward with a predatory gleam in his eye. She lamented the poor fish that would land in his grip. . .or applaud those that escaped dangerous hands. Many Templars and animals weren't so lucky.
Vivian simply kept rinsing the batch of clothes and peered into the white cloth in her wet hands to inform, "You ripped your sleeping tunic when you ran from that bat two nights ago. I'll sew up the tear in the sleeve for you later."
"I didn't run, I escaped . . . and be quiet" Altaïr shot back hastily with a defensive tone because he never ran, merely adjusted his method of attack. Vivian and Malik had shared that eerie mutual stare of understanding when he claimed so after a bat managed to fly into their camp. It wasn't his fault; he'd never expected a black ball of fuzz to fly in without warning! While Malik jumped back in surprise and Vivian stared in curiosity, Altaïr had literally pushed his way past them to escape the camp entirely. In his defense, he was caught unaware and left the area to regroup but the others wondered if Altaïr finally found the only animal he wouldn't tangle with.
Vivian became quiet to let him work, finding humor in their activities as they resembled prairie folk. Just as he finished quieting Vivian, a small shadow lurked in the water between his legs as the crystal clear stream allowed him a perfect view and he pounced. His strong hands latched onto whatever slippery creature was hidden underneath as he caught sight of a long body and fought with the wriggling fish. If he kept his hold, he ran the risk of losing it due to the slipperiness and Altaïr launched it in the direction of the grass. Outside of the water, he reigned supreme against fish and would make the catch incredibly easy.
Immediately, Vivian screamed aloud when a fresh water eel fell directly into her lap rather than the wicker basket he'd laid out to catch his fish of the day. That's right, an eel. Its slimy dark body wriggled in her lap as it fought to escape and return to the river where it belonged. She tried to throw it off her skirt but Altaïr had caught it for them . . . so she was forced to bear the slimy animal. Its wet body dampened her skirt as she grimaced with disgust to what was occurring in her lap without being able to stop it. Hopefully, the darn thing wouldn't bite her. Altaïr jumped out of the water as he covered the grass with raining droplets and watched Vivian squirm in place with his catch.
"Oh, don't be so dramatic" Altaïr teased with a smirk as he watched her arms wave in the air as she fought whether to throw or keep it. It wasn't a fish like he'd hoped for but he'd make do with the new creature, leaning down to retrieve it from her lap. Vivian whimpered with relief as the wriggling eel left her vicinity and he had no issue with its resistance as he declared proudly, "Lunch is served."
If she hadn't been so frightened of the eel, she would've beaten him with it. It almost made her wonder whether he'd thrown it her way on purpose. His cocky smirk riled her ruffled expression as she lay on the grass with wet splotches over her clothing and she flung his clean damp tunic at his face.
"Vivian!"
Vivian had begun a mental rule book as she traveled alongside the famous assassins to maintain her sanity. A year would be a long time and with almost half a year behind them, she could only wonder how much time would be left until reaching Madagascar. After all, they hadn't even reached Lake Victoria at all! On the other hand, she learned a new rule today with Altaïr: Never join him during hunts for fear of having prey fall on her.
"Ow!"
"Would you stop fidgeting?" Vivian requested exasperatedly as she stopped cutting the brown hair at the side of Altaïr's head. It had been time to give each other haircuts since their hair had gotten quite long after months on the road. She stood behind the grumpy man with a sharp knife in hand as he sat on a wooden log with his arms crossed over his chest.
Malik had his cut by Altaïr's dexterous hands since the lack of a second arm hindered an easy DIY trim to his raven hair. Vivian had grinned with girlish squealing as she watched him play barber to another assassin and it took great willpower to keep Altaïr rooted to his spot. Since Altaïr himself couldn't see the back of his head, he braved the idea of letting Vivian do it. At Masyaf, hair was cut by a trained barber but on the road, assassins made do with what they had on hand and Malik was out of the question- leaving the chirpy historian as his last resort. Vivian found it hilarious when he removed his white hood and a full mane of shaggy brown hair exploded, causing her and Malik to laugh at the bountiful length. It turned out that Altaïr's hair grew the fastest out of all and he'd grumbled for a few minutes, especially when Vivian decided to run her fingers through his chin-length hair. She claimed it was for hair cutting purposes but he knew better because the woman was downright sneaky- that and she giggled with glee when she did.
Vivian tried her best since she trimmed the ends of her youngest sister's hair and used cutting shears to style her bangs at home - well, used to. The length of his hair was quite the sight since he'd tied it back with a strip of leather but the man had the lustrous mane of a model. Altaïr, however, was not a good customer since he kept fidgeting constantly due to her wielding a knife near his ears. He was surprised to find himself trusting her with a weapon so close to his head, not to mention jugular, and prayed her hands wouldn't tread anywhere vital. Altaïr hissed under his breath to her nagging as the two resembled hissing cats in Malik's eye as the dai watched the amusing interaction. The assassin's brown eyes were narrowed as he twisted around to face the woman and retorted sharply, "I would if you hadn't just cut a piece of my ear off!"
"I did no such thing, the blade simply touched it after I chopped off a lock" she stated tightly and showed him a patch of brown hair in her left hand as evidence. The fangirl hiding inside the crevices of her mind demanded she keep it for herself as a trophy for enduring life among the bodacious man. She waved the brown strands that were surprisingly a little wavy at the end and smiled cheekily, "See? I should keep this as proof that you exist-"
"You will do no such thing" he interrupted stubbornly and snatched his precious strands from her hand, clutching them against his chest. Of course, this caused them to cling into his fabric since they were free like fur fluff and he grumbled under his breath with a frown, "Damn."
Malik couldn't find better entertainment than this.
"Stop being so grouchy, I'm doing a good job" Vivian soothed gently with a confident smile to her first archaic haircut and ran a hand over the top of his head to comfort him. This caused him to scowl in his seat rather than pacify, making Malik laugh as he resembled a mad jackal. Vivian had cut off the most hair from him as his clump was double the size of Malik's on the grass and she'd barely cut off half so far. She smiled to herself at the possibility of leaving him as he was with half of his hair cut short to the scalp while the other ran past his ear. He'd kick her across Sudan himself if she dared. She wiggled the knife in the air as she puffed her chest and assured wholeheartedly, "If I don't, remember, it'll grow back. Besides, you wear a hood like you do . . . um, do you wear underwear?"
"It doesn't matter!" he snapped with a higher pitch in his voice that told her she'd poked a sensitive 'keep out' zone. Why had she even asked that in the first place? How dare she wonder what he wore underneath his robes? It was improper! The smile lingered on her face as she evened the hair she'd cut and he crossed his arms huffily to add in curtly, "And don't ask about private matters."
Vivian sighed under her breath to his cranky demeanor and pointed out, "Altaïr, you're acting like a little boy who doesn't like that mom's in charge of his cut."
"No, I merely long for the decent barbers that don't rip pieces of my ears off" he stated astutely with a raised nose in arrogance, causing her to brush a handful of his hair over his face. He exclaimed immediately to the prickly sensation over his skin and Malik burst into laughter to the open expression of disgust on his face. He spit to clear his lips from the small hairs and wiped his face desperately as he growled angrily, "Ugh, it's in my mouth! Vivian!"
Vivian wasn't about to put up with his sass since he whined louder than a baby animal for its milk supply and questioned firmly, "Do you want me to continue or will you finish the rest by yourself?"
Malik shook the cloth that Vivian had told him to wrap around his shoulders to avoid hair spreading everywhere on his robes. It had been a helpful tip since he didn't feel like washing clothes that were cleaned a day prior and he smirked mischievously to suggest, "I could knock him unconscious to make it better. We could even. . .alter the style a bit to our liking."
Altaïr didn't like where this was heading since he'd end up with a shaved head and narrowed his eyes as he dared them to ruin his hair. When Vivian pressed the flat of the blade to the nape of his neck, he stiffened instantly at the thought of losing his precious hair to a couple of tricksters. Malik laughed to his immediate flinch since the man was rarely wary of anything and Vivian muffled her laughter behind a hand as she joked aloud, "We could leave the other half and braid it for a very dainty look. Hmm, now that I think about it, we should've let his hair grow and cut off those kitten whiskers so he could impersonate a woman to slip away from enemies."
"Vivian, I will throw you into the river and I'll arm wrestle Malik into submission to chuck him in alongside you" Altaïr threatened with a low growl because he wanted a decent haircut and wasn't about to be manipulated. If they even dared to touch his whisk- mustache!- they would live to regret it. Malik's amused expression failed to leave and the assassin eyed the dai with heavy suspicion, slamming a fist onto the log to demand, "Finish this, Vivian!"
"Oh, now he wants me to cut his hair" Vivian feigned a dramatic sigh and grabbed his head in both hands to keep it straight during the cutting process. She grabbed the long ends past his ears and slowly passed the knife through the hair, chuckling softly, "Besides, Malik beat you in an arm contest two weeks ago. I'm sorry to say that he's beating you in one armed combat and swimming."
"He has one arm, he can't-" Altaïr objected since he doubted the man could swim without a second arm but his words faltered when the dai glared at him. He could already see his food being burned that evening by both of his companions and wanted to eat. What person wouldn't want a daily meal? Also, he didn't want to smash everything he'd rebuilt with his friend over one stupid comment during one of his bad days. He cleared his throat to retract what he was about to say and restated calmly, "Of course he can, an assassin is never defeated easily."
Vivian ran her fingers through the crown of his head to measure the next cut and smiled cheekily, "My, my, I'm almost inclined to say you were a little intimidated right now-"
"Woman-"
"Malik, you have become the awesomest companion of all time" Vivian declared proudly with a grin as she left Altaïr with an unfinished haircut that stabbed his dignity into a thousand pieces. She approached Malik as the assassin reached forward to pull her back but she snuck past his reach, causing him to sigh in exasperation. Why. . .why was it so hard to get a decent haircut?! She held out one fisted hand and inaugurated the dai into the popular modern day gesture of phenomenal friendship by smiling cheerfully, "Bump your fist against mine and from henceforth, you shall be known as Malik the Tremendous."
The dai bumped his fist against Vivian's at a perfect angle and she giggled femininely to the best fan moment of her life since traveling throughout Giza. Who wouldn't want to fist bump Malik? The dai shook his head in amusement to humor the young woman and she held her fist to her chest with a beaming smile. She practically hopped on her tiptoes with glee as she returned to Altaïr's side with steps that resembled a squirrel's and he glowered listlessly to her behavior. Placing the knife on the log, she leaned over and grasped his shoulders in both hands to declare with a perky smile, "And you. . ."
His light brown eyes widened to their fullest when she leaned close to his face to break his personal space and Vivian finished gleefully, "Shall be my blue Grumpy Bear as I take on the name Funshine Bear and we journey onto the 'Adventures in Care-A-Lot' to-"
"Vivian, you have five seconds to remove yourself from my person" Altaïr interrupted with deadly calm that distinctly told her to avert her humorous joke. Her shoulders slumped as he seized fun by the throat to smash it against a figurative wall and stab it into resembling a pin cushion. He grabbed the knife off the log to hand it over in one move and Vivian retrieved it to finish her hair cut.
Malik shook his head as Altaïr refused to partake in their jesting and Vivian pouted to state, "You're definitely Grumpy Bear with his sad blue cloud."
It didn't take very long for her to finish cutting off the rest of his hair to leave it cropped short in his classic 'Altaïr' cut because he refused to grow it longer. He used the reflection in the stream beside them and his own fingers to judge her haircut but Vivian fixed any areas that were uneven with a smaller blade. She'd even cut the fine hair around the nape of his neck to even out the cut so he wouldn't complain about that extra perk. Hmm, it seemed he would have to find something else to complain about since it appeared she succeeded. . .for now.
When it was her turn, Altaïr merely told her to tie her shoulder-length hair into a low ponytail and chopped off the black mane where she tied it off. With the current weather, she decided to shorten her hair into a bob and that was the easiest method to achieve it in historic times. She wasn't looking to sport the hair of Victoria's Secret models or luscious lengths because most of the time, her hair was covered underneath a hood or tied against the humidity. Altaïr made quick work of her style after cutting off the excess hair and evened out the cut before untying the leather strap. He'd used the same technique with the smaller knife afterwards to soften any uneven edges but Vivian wasn't vain about her hair cut. After all, it would grow out . . . that and she was glad he didn't take revenge by making her bald.
"So, are we happy with our new faces?" Vivian piped up cheerfully after everyone dipped their heads into the stream to wash off bothersome hair strands off their skin. She was happy to be rid of the extra weight while Malik's wispy strands that stuck out would've had women swooning and presenting engagement rings. This reminded Vivian to find her dear friend some 'happy' time by playing his wingman when they hit a town to explore.
"Very" Malik replied with a pleased smile since he was a simplistic man and wasn't looking to lure attention. If he did, well, he couldn't help his natural features and appearance but appreciated the female vote of approval.
"No, it's atrocious" Altaïr muttered under his breath since Vivian had no hair cutting experience and was adamant that there were uneven patches somewhere. Vivian resisted from rolling her eyes to his cranky mood that morning and wondered if he'd been bitten somewhere private that caused his monumental mood swing. Was there an equivalence of male PMS that she could use? There were days like this that she had to bear as the lack of activity while they walked made him feel useless and an active man like him despised such moments. Maybe she'd lose something on purpose to help him feel needed to lighten his fussiness.
"You don't get to talk, you have a hood" she shot back matter-of-factly since the man refused to lower his hood unless it was after dark and often made vampire jokes that he didn't understand. He kept strict to his teachings and she'd fought him once after she wanted to clean the hood free of dirt, which he absolutely refused to remove at camp. Altaïr frowned as he raised his trademark hood over his head to conceal his features once more, uncaring to the cold water droplets dripping down the warm skin of his neck. Vivian bit her tongue on commenting he resembled a turtle hiding in its shell and decided to sketch a cartoon featuring an Altaïr/hood crack pairing.
Haircutting brought Vivian another enlightening rule on dealing with the stubborn man: Always blame the cutting tool and remind your victim that hair would grow back.
Two weeks later, the group found a small town on the trade route to the east as Altaïr wanted to travel solely by the Nile but when supplies ran low, they had to find civilization. Of course, this would risk their chances of being seen by Templars but they needed food and other supplies. Vivian would be nearing another visit of her aunt flo and wanted to stock up on goods since she was almost out of everything. Altaïr wouldn't argue because he wanted to keep the hidden dragon at bay and needed to investigate whether Templar activity existed in the settlement. With the lack of communication back to Masyaf, he didn't know how the new Giza bureau was handling their plans of attack so he would have to keep his eyes peeled. The trio left their camp safely hidden in the forest as they headed east to find the small town on Amon's map, traveling from the dense forest to a grassy clearing that held no paths. Vivian, however, trusted in Altaïr since he was the Aragorn of the Middle Ages and Malik was the equivalence of Sherlock Holmes.
"I'm sure there won't be many Templars, you're acting like it's infested by zombies" Vivian chuckled amusingly to his suspicion since it was already on high alert and they'd yet to reach the settlement. She'd keep her eyes open, of course, but she expected traders to be the majority of visitors since it lay in the path of the Silk Road. After the asskicking they received in Giza, she doubted great numbers could be at their distance already since Amon and the assassins would keep them at bay at Giza.
"Zoom-bees?" he asked with confusion to her strange jargon and she sighed morosely as they hit another time roadblock. No, his mind had been denied the knowledge of fearsome zombies and hilarious films like Zombieland or the suspenseful Walking Dead comics. Her shoulders slumped since ravenous zombies would always be a fear for her but it had quickly been replaced as number one by evil Templars bent on killing her and her friends.
"Fictional creatures of my realm that eat humans since they're dead humans themselves" she explained casually and watched his face contort to horror to what she was telling him. Even Malik faltered for a moment in his steps since the idea was terrifying and wished she hadn't said that!
"What kind of foul things go on in your time?" he blurted with disgust and she laughed to his shocked expression, watching him roll his shoulders back in distaste. She found herself torn between smiling and frowning as his jabs about her time but agreed towards where society headed. For a moment, she was glad to be in 1190s where she didn't have to worry about terrorism, death by gun wielding maniacs (stab wounds were survivable at least), or being run over by a car.
"Just for that, I will create a horrid Mary Sue story with you" she declared airily as she feigned insult and cleared her throat to begin her tale. Altaïr often heard her talking to Malik about stories she'd read through the years that focused on him but nowadays, most flocked towards his Italian descendant. She had gushed about several that maintained good historical accuracy that had squealing happily but there were others that caused her to curl into a ball. She had deemed the latter 'Mary Sue, whom we boo' and Altaïr wasn't eager to hear one, walking faster when she began dramatically, "The modern day teenage girl was sucked from her Assassin's Creed game into the game itself-"
"That's your story" he preened with a smirk to tease her about her arrival and she hissed like a kitten for being pinned with that.
"I got bonked on the head and fell unconscious, I didn't get sucked in through a magical wormhole!" she corrected indignantly since she was thankful the television hadn't crushed her when she'd fallen and he laughed to the pink tint on her cheeks. There was no way she would tell him what bonked her on the head to avoid that awkward topic. Malik couldn't help but laugh besides her since her entryway to their world matched her eccentric personality and hoped nothing else fell on her as she continued down the road for home. She wagged a finger towards Altaïr to further explain her unintended arrival as she added in matter-of-factly, "And I landed months after your mission ended and I'm still in the dark about the science behind it. Stuff like this shouldn't happen- it defies the laws of science!"
Shaking her hand to dismiss her small rant, Altaïr snorted in amusement and she continued with a cheesy smile, "Anyway, Peggy Sue Suzuki was a beauty of renown but yet she thought herself simple as all men mysteriously fell in love with her quickly. Everyone hated her but she didn't know why since she was the gentlest soul in the world- even the birds tweeted around her when she walked by! She landed in the same city as Altaïr as he underwent a mission and was fatefully rescued from evil Templars by the heroically dashing man-"
He directed another knowing look at the last comment, ignoring the compliment to his appearance, and she pointed out hastily, "Hey, I took refuge in a smelly bale of hay to avoid guards. Besides, you weren't dashing and awe-inspiring at all when you shook me like a rag doll- people die from that, you know. I was still under the impression it was all fake from that hit to the head at home but I didn't blow into your life story nor was I super kawaii happy to be with you. I didn't ask to be in your game, I was quite happy living my ordinary bookworm life. This is how most of the stories happen, okay? Don't blame me, blame your awesomeness."
Malik snickered behind his hand as he took pity on the man for being groveled over in written format and Vivian went on with her dramatic voice, "Where he took her to the bureau and she proceeded to tell him the entire storyline, telling herself that she wasn't changing anything, but was doing so by telling him in the first place! Altaïr forced her along on his missions despite she knew nothing of fighting but yet, to his astonishment, the modern day girl managed to learn in mere weeks what he had in years. It was mind numbingly astonishing!"
Altaïr shot her another knowing look that was starting to poke her in the wrong way and Vivian defended with a flustered face, "I pleaded to go with you so I wouldn't die out here and I haven't learned how to fight at all. . .but I can crush bugs."
"Vivian, my little friend . . . that's not a skill" Malik stated gently with dismay to the pride in her voice since she was as innocent as people came. The historian had clearly told them she had no desire to learn free running for fear of cracking her skull open or becoming paste on a street. For the time being, Vivian, would be a defensive fighter rather than an offensive like he and Altaïr. He patted the top of her head like a sympathetic father that had eaten a sour piece of bread but wanted to encourage his child onwards. What else could he do?
Altaïr, however, smirked with amusement and trapped a chuckle in his throat that actually threatened to break free. Vivian's lower lip puckered in a comical pout since there were some pretty big bugs around and resumed her tale, "Even Peggy Sue's free running surprised him and he had no choice but to induct her into the assassin's order without having her go through the tiers. Of course, nobody complained because Peggy Sue was loved by all despite her constant saying that everyone hated her. Altaïr couldn't believe his luck in finding the girl and although her personality contradicted itself multiple times, he found himself falling into those purple eyes that made no sense biologically and wanted to run his fingers in her outlandish pink hair that would have anyone calling her a sorceress but no- Peggy Sue ensnared them all, even Malik."
"Wait, what?!" the dai demanded with shock to the story because he didn't want to be in those types of stories at all and she laughed aloud to his horrified expression. Altaïr was just about ready to turn green from the invisible lemon he'd eaten and could never imagine doing such a thing. Why would he ever induct a person into the order without years of preparation?
"Oh yes, Peggy Sue managed to make Malik love her and couldn't bear the thought of choosing between the two men so she kept both despite the law and stigma" Vivian continued with a longing voice because there were crazy stories out there that she'd found or her sister screamed about and curled into a ball. Altaïr and Malik eyed each other uncomfortably since they'd never fight over the same woman after overcoming the conflict of the aftermath in Solomon's Temple. They'd rather take a peaceful compromise but they wouldn't share a woman; it was preposterous! Vivian placed a hand over her forehead to sigh with yearning and declared aloud with feigned woe, "Poor brave Maria stood no chance against the flawless Peggy Sue as she'd continuously called the Templar evil and refused to let Altaïr work with her. She blocked all chances for the two to form a relationship but what could Maria do against this foul temptress that defied time? The woman had somehow become a Master already and was advising Altaïr on his decisions! Peggy Sue insisted that Altaïr's life would be fine without her and she'd become the new mother to his spawn but wait!"
Altaïr resisted sighing when she spread her arms dramatically to resemble a bird and resisted from pushing her over. Her story was killing him on the inside to the outlandish characterization of his personality and Vivian lowered her voice to continue impishly, "She managed to get hold of a POE and without warning, was blasted into Ezio's time where she mourned the loss of her beloved Altaïr. Why, oh, why was she taken away from her beloved-"
"I'm going to be sick" the assassin groaned to the horrible idea of falling in love with someone whose sole purpose was to bed him. Malik nodded in agreement and ran a hand through his hair to settle the awful taste in his mouth because he wanted a humble woman- not one that would fly at his friend to have carnal relations.
"Oh, how she cried beautiful rivers of tears . . . but yet she managed to become Ezio's sidekick when she told him of her plight" Vivian feigned crocodile tears as she pretended to wipe them and struggled not to laugh at her shoddy acting. Altaïr hoped the sun would induce unconsciousness as they walked while Vivian set her lips in a firm pout and went on, "It was mandatory for her to treat him badly and call him 'baka bastardo' because somehow, she'd learned Italian and Japanese in her old life- not to mention Arabic! All at the age of five because she was smarter than the average bear! In the end, she cast aside Altaïr and became Ezio's girlfriend when they could no longer deny this incredible ardent love that defied the ages . . . which sprouted within two days."
Altaïr decided to pick up the pace because the woman she'd conjured was horrible in all aspects and he'd never condone cheating. Vivian, a pesky little imp as always, hastened her steps as her voice echoed through the clearing, "That's right, two days. When she finally managed to return to the 1190s, Peggy Sue was happy to find Altaïr in Malik's amorous embrace and told them it was all for the best. Apparently, this was her plan all along- despite Altaïr had NO heir now because of her! With her magic POE, she somehow landed in Abstergo's Templar clutches and was conveniently rescued when Desmond made his escape with Lucy. Who knows how Desmond managed to exist because Altaïr died childless since men can't procreate in that era! Of course, she didn't like this Lucy right away because she simply talked to the man and taught Desmond herself with her arsenal of powers-"
Altaïr made true on his word and ran to the nearest bush to cough up their breakfast, just like many fans that had read really really bad fan fiction. Vivian winced since she'd never expected it to have that awful effect and wished she had a computer to make a gif to email faithfully accurate AC fans. She scuttled over to her leader and gently ran circles over his back to help his stomach settle, informing helpfully, "If it helps, it's mostly young girls and a small percentage of the overall fanbase."
Malik wanted to douse his head with cold water for that awful story and laughed when Altaïr seized Vivian by the head, parting her dark hair to demand madly, "Is your hair naturally black? How old are you? What year are you from? Have you ever met anyone from my family line? For the sake of science, tell me!"
"Yes, 21, 2009, and no" she answered calmly with an amused expression and rubbed his back to quiet the turbulence she caused in his stomach. It turned out that he did bottle up his emotions until they exploded to the surface in similarity to a volcano. She hushed his fretting over what existed in her time since he'd been spared a lot and soothed gently, "There, there, and I still haven't told you about Mary Sue. She's the vampire shape-shifting girl with wings that has a human form and an animal. . . . weird mythological creature form. . .that shouldn't even be possible. Or Betty Sue, the girl who's actually from your time but her family was killed by Templars for no logical reason whatsoever since they weren't even related to assassins. Yet, she was able to survive on her own to carry out revenge and somehow finds you so you can train her to avenge her family. She becomes a master fantastically fast within two weeks despite having no previous training and falls in love with you because you're too bombastically awesome."
"I'm. . .you're not allowed to talk anymore" he ordered sharply to silence the illogical words leaving her mouth and jabbed a warning finger in her direction. She made a zipping motion over her mouth and nodded quietly to prevent another barfing session.
Malik laughed to his friend's apparent discomfort as they resumed their walk but Altaïr was quick to warn sharply, "Don't make me allow her to unleash a story about you."
That quieted him instantly.
Vivian just had to stick her foot in her mouth when she informed innocently, "Most Malik stories involve him being your secret lover. Apparently, the chemistry is to die for with the whole forbidden taboo of it all and many are very explicit in adult content-"
Both men ran off to find the nearest bush to barf their horror and cursed this 'internet' of modern times. Vivian learned rule #3 of that month: Never share Mary Sue plot stories with either assassin while walking underneath the hot sun . . . or that you would find the two an awesome couple if they did swing in that direction.
Vivian has been inspecting a few ripe apples that screamed 'pan fry me' for caramel apples with cinnamon when someone dashed by her side. She felt a sharp tug on her right side and before she knew it, her money pouch had been snatched by a thief. Had she seriously been robbed in broad daylight?! The person clad in brown ran down the marketplace with haste and Vivian didn't hesitate to yell loudly for aid, "He took my money! Get back here, you scruffy scoundrel!"
Malik turned instantly from his spot, dropping a bag of oats he'd been ready to buy to run after the man with Vivian hot on his tail. Well, more like meters away since the dai could run like the wind while she resembled a little piglet with her petite height. How dare they snatch her money like that? Couldn't they make a decent living? And why did nobody try to help? What had happened to good old Samaritans? Vivian couldn't help but glare at people that simply gawked at the scene rather than join in to unite as a people against petty crime. It wouldn't take an army to defeat one person . . . well, unless you were Altaïr.
"Can't you save the world without being robbed?" she snapped irritably between gritted teeth as they rounded the corner and hoped Malik would be able to nab the person. Boy, her sides killed her fast when she tried to match the cheetah speed of assassins. Man, if she ever met a petite assassin, she'd definitely pose the question. If the thief decided to break out dangerous parkour, Vivian would have to deem her coins gone because she treasured having intact bones.
A moment later, an arrow shot out from the adjacent street that led into a small alleyway and it pinned the thief by their left shoulder. The person struggled instantly as they were pinned to a nearby wooden wall, their legs kicking out into the air in a feeble attempt to free themselves. Vivian and Malik stopped in case someone wanted to shoot them as well since civilians had left the area. Yes, they wanted their money back but they had to keep vigilant of any nearby danger. Somehow, a one-armed man and a petite woman didn't strike as a fearsome duo in comparison to a fully armored Ezio and mysteriously robed La Volpe. Man, if she traveled with that duo- she'd be announcing their dramatic entrance into the assassin dens while showering them with flower petals.
This time, however, she didn't have to hurl her handy pocket sand and cower behind Malik when danger reared its ugly head. She wasn't ready to try her little arsenal of basics on people that wielded weapons- she'd be a brave flea attacking an armored rhinoceros! Their faces broke into smiles when Altaïr stepped into the open, adjusting the leather straps over his chest to hold his recently used crossbow into place. Assassins; always there to help civilians in need and Vivian would gladly pose as the poster child receiving her money back with glee. He approached the pinned man, as it was revealed, to snatch the stolen money pouch from his hand. To make the injury worse, Altaïr patted him down for any extra money he had on hand and found another pouch within their tunic. Vivian couldn't help but smile impishly as the tables were turned and hoped he actually would find extra coins.
"Make a decent living and help your fellow man, don't be a disgusting parasite" Altaïr uttered coldly to the squirming thief as he walked away, leaving the man pinned to the wall to disentangle himself. Vivian wondered whether he'd pierced the thief by his clothes or actual shoulder but he'd saved her meager savings. He gave Vivian both of the cloth bags as she smiled thankfully for its safe return and Altaïr lectured gently, "Be more mindful of it, thieves can lurk just about anywhere."
"Thanks" she said appreciatively and stuffed the bags into the sewn pockets of her robes so thieves would literally have to fish them out rather than pull them from her brown sash. She couldn't wait to change back into her tunic and breeches once they returned to camp but she had the 'proper lady' role to upkeep for the time being. Ecstatic to the fact that she wouldn't have to dance like a monkey to recuperate her losses, she smiled at her financial savior and suggested, "Hey, let me buy you a roasted hen that we can eat at camp for tonight. We'll have a little extra since I've bought water, food, and fabric."
"I won't fight that offer" he humored her since the thought of eating a hen was quite mouthwatering indeed after eating dry meat and bean soup for days. They'd failed to find settlement every two weeks as they hoped and this was the first in more than three weeks so he was thankful. Vivian had literally run circles around him when they'd seen the settlement in the horizon and he added in, "Besides, you owe me for that horrible story."
"Aw, fudge" she feigned a humorous pout since her stories had caused the poor man to barf (and this was the mighty Altaïr, mind you) and snapped her fingers. Malik had bought himself an oat treat the minute they'd arrived to be rid of the taste in his mouth since seducing Altaïr was not in his foreseeable future. Even the thought brought goosebumps to his flesh and he'd made Vivian promise she'd never include him in them ever again. The raven haired woman agreed wholeheartedly since she could never harm her dear dai but Altaïr was fair game. She and Malik were a team while Altaïr competed with her for the funniest jest for bragging rights. She clasped her hands over her skirt to feign a longing sigh of regret and batted her eyelashes to drone, "And here I was preparing to tell you about Patty Sue, the modern day teenager- who's actually Al Mualim's daughter- and has a POE to travel to all periods to seduce you, Ezio-"
Altaïr stomped his right foot to end another onslaught of horrible tales and stated matter-of-factly with a wagging finger, "Vivian, I would never engage in an amorous courtship with anyone under 17-"
"17?!" she exclaimed shrilly to his base age for finding a woman and the outburst caused a few people to stare at her awkwardly. At this point in her journey, she didn't care about her slips in feminine politeness since they wouldn't be there for more than a few hours. Her mouth was agape with surprise to what he'd just declared and could see the endless sea of teenagers heading to their computers to write or draw steamy scenes that would cause her own head to explode (excluding naughtily tasteful pieces, of course). Was he insane?
"It's normal to have a decade gap with younger women but fine, twenty will be my minimum for courting" he justified hastily to silence her screeching since men varied in ages with their wives as social status defined courting ages. He wasn't going to be a prize for the taking with his profession and he'd been lucky to find Maria, even though their relationship was quite unorthodox. He sought love like any other man but it wasn't his fault that his last partner decided to head north and cut off their 'companion with benefits' package.
Vivian shook her head to the initial fact since modern times would land Altaïr in jail for canoodling with a minor. Maria was four years older than him and Vivian figured he'd decided to head in the mature route but he tipped the hourglass entirely with that comment. She placed her left hand over her forehead as the heat threatened to bring forth a fainting spell fit for an anime character and sighed with discontent, "You're 27 years old, man! I can see this coming from Ezio but not you- not you!"
He winced visibly when she grasped the front of his robes dramatically to resemble a wailing shrew. Malik, however, was quite amused by the change of events as Vivian's easygoing demeanor brought him hours of endless delight. Altaïr wanted to peel off the little leech before she began making a pro/con list in the middle of a street and growled, "Vivian, age differences aren't very important here but I will not be courting anybody who still has baby teeth or lacks a bosom-"
"Hey, ample bosoms don't define a woman!" she pointed out quickly with a frown since she didn't have an ample Baywatch worthy chest. Her girls weren't nonexistent (although the chest binding dwindled the size considerably) but they weren't going to be popping out of her robes anytime soon. With that in mind, she crossed her arms over her flattened chest to maintain the last shreds of feminine dignity.
Malik coughed into the sleeve of his robe to hide his laughter as his voice came out with a muffled, "She said bosoms. I love that word."
"Or has a lesser intellect than mine" he finished shrewdly in the hopes of peeling her off his person and watched Malik shake his head. This would not bode well since Vivian was the type of woman that wouldn't have her education or any other woman's minimized. She would've befriended Maria easily with her 'women are mighty too' view.
She wagged a motherly finger to begin an entirely new debate and lectured, "Now, see here, assassin man, there's plenty of fish in the ocean with your age range and you already whacked Maria with your oar to leave her with a child. Furthermore, women are intelligent beings-"
"You know what, you are right" Altaïr interjected with an agreeable nod and she blinked with confusion since he never agreed with her that quickly. The fact that Malik turned to look at him with a skeptical glance told Vivian that something was definitely amiss. What was he planning in that handsome head of his? The assassin pried off her fingers from his robes, her arched eyebrows lightly twitching to the physical contact, and he continued calmly, "I forbid myself to engage in any form of relationships with any female under twenty-two years of age."
Vivian was about to pipe up 'dat a boy' proudly when he finished with a smug smirk on his scarred lips, "Come, Malik. We will be leaving Vivian here by herself from this day onward since she falls under my new range-"
He pulled Malik along to bid farewell with a simple flick of his wrist, resisting the urge to laugh as his plan was pulled off brilliantly. Vivian protested immediately with embarrassment for digging herself into a ditch but Altaïr pushed Malik along when the dai resisted to move without further deliberation. He wasn't about to leave the poor woman! She tugged at the back of Altaïr's billowing robes to point out she wasn't quitting her spot in the group and needed to be kept in the loop. Forty feet into her tugging, Altaïr stopped since he figured she'd earned enough torment and turned around to finally listen to the fretful woman. Her fingers remained where they were on the back of his leather belt and her shoulders sagged as she mumbled softly, "I hate how feminine and dependent this will sound but. . .please don't leave me. I'm a good manservant, loyal, a good pack mule-"
"I'm not leaving you behind- Malik would truly hate me at that point" Altaïr reassured with a firm tone since he'd never been one for humor but couldn't help himself this time. If she would've left his comment alone, she wouldn't have dug herself into an easy entrapment. What else could he do but allow her to fall into a false sense of security and spring his ruse? Her fingers left his belt as she smiled softly for not being abandoned in an unknown road somewhere in Sudan and quietly smoothed any folds she'd left in his smooth robes. Her emerald eyes gleamed happily in resemblance to a homeless puppy being allowed inside a warm friendly home and he sighed with dismay, "Don't look at me like that. Go to Malik."
Vivian listened wholeheartedly without a peep and rejoined her team happily. Malik truly questioned the odd dynamics between the two but they had increased considerably in cohesion rather than unraveling and diverging into antagonism. The dai never lectured them unless he had an absolute need to and thanked the stars he hadn't needed to explode verbally since he kept a passive demeanor. Altaïr poked her in the ribs and she wiggled in resemblance to the Pillsbury mascot without the hoo-hoo, leading him to chide, "Never ask about my preferences again."
"Of course not, I'll drop dead when I hear about your bedroom fetishes" she joked cheekily and scuttled onwards before he truly kicked her off the team, pulling Malik along for the ride. The dai said nothing as he smiled to her bold comment but he'd rather travel with Vivian since she kept him entertained while Altaïr would. . .let's just say rocks made more noise than the man did.
Another tenet jammed into 'Vivian's Creed for a Neutral Altaïr' was rule #4: Always carry your money close and never ask Altaïr about his courting preferences . . . it could scar you mentally.
The trio had been wandering the area as tourists with Vivian shopping randomly but they stopped when they spotted a small group of armored men gathered at a stone two-story building. They weren't dressed like the town's small militia and from their hidden spot, Altaïr could hear bits of English being spoken. The language was a red flag for Altaïr since Arabic would be the major language being spoken by travelers by land or sea. He ushered the two behind a bundle of wooden barrels to investigate further since this was the first lead they'd caught and hated to see their enemy had delved this deeply. He peeked over the tallest stack since his tall height allowed him a decent covert view while Malik decided to place a nearby crate next to one to sit down comfortably and Vivian peeked between two while kneeling since she was short already. It wasn't the most glamorous sight for the awesome duo but being an assassin wasn't all stabby-stabby and manic running towards safety with a heroic escape.
Altaïr fought the urge to exclaim in disgust when scantily dressed women in neutral toned dresses exited the doorway of the building to greet the men with fake smiles and cheerful demeanors. Business was business, right? To Vivian, their garb appeared as simple sleeveless dresses that ended inches from their ankles- nothing scandalous like modern deep neckline dresses or miniskirts. Their feet were bare upon the ground and dust had collected to their ankles but the coy expressions remained as they talked with the men while adding a lot of hand movements that breached personal space. Seeing the look on her friend's face, however, told her this was not normal and the laughter being shared by the two groups clicked on the light bulb in her head. Her lips formed into an 'o' of acknowledgement to the situation and she declared nonchalantly, "Oh, hookers! I've never seen a brothel, how interesting."
Both men stared at her with bewilderment for her pleasant comment and she stepped back sheepishly, reasoning quickly, "I'm a researcher of history, I love gathering facts I normally wouldn't have believed in my own time."
"This is no time for history, Vivian, we need answers" Altaïr pointed out hastily and she pouted for having her history itch banished with one of his firm glares. Nothing killed a mood faster than his infamous deadly glares of doom- somewhere in the realm of fiction, even Megatron cowered. He pushed her head down to keep her quiet and stated firmly about her strange interests, "Besides, I highly doubt your era is concerned about prostitution in 1192."
"Women's studies" she replied cheekily to the many majors offered in her time and he shooed her away to end the conversation. Great, she'd been lowered to the ranking off a bothersome fly now. She puckered her bottom lip in thought to the Templar presence at that specific spot since POE's would more likely be known by government officials or scrolls inside libraries. Tilting her head to the side, she watched the social transaction with a keen eye and asked softly, "Why would they- well, they are men with needs and they're women," quickly, she grabbed her head to groan woefully, "Ew, I just scarred my mind, I broke my brain! I need Ezio in a swimsuit while he runs down the beach with a coconut drink as it puts Altaïr to shame . . . aw yeah."
Altaïr purposely ignored her last comment while Malik smiled to the insane imaginings in her mind. Altaïr's eyes narrowed to finding their enemies there since he'd wanted them eliminated completely at Giza. Did they know where the next piece was actually located? Where they the only battalion? They must've traveled by either land or sea and asked quietly, "Do you think it's their first visit there or have they been here for quite some time?"
"I can run interference and ask like a nice tourist that has a, uh, taste for women" Vivian offered with a mischievous wag of her brows since she'd done so before in Cairo by playing a maid. Malik sighed softly to her disobedience of social rules since same sex relationships were forbidden under the penalty of death and didn't want his little friend carried away to jail. The fact that she was open to casual flirting reminded the two that Vivian would be willing to test her performances to the limit.
I'm almost ready to remind her she's an innocent flower, Malik thought with dismay as he found himself playing an older brother to the woman once more. He missed the role as he remembered chastising Kadar when he was stubborn or wanted his independence but Vivian was different. She was no assassin but he was her teacher in learning the way of his world and charming women was not the subtlest way to gain information in public.
"You have a fair complexion, they might suspect something" Altaïr disagreed immediately since a sudden pop in could draw their eyes to her physical appearance instead. Reluctantly, he admitted that she rather pretty with her green eyes but Templars would not be focused on that . . . and neither should he. Vivian looked to the floor for an alternative to a quick makeup change to fit the part and he refused swiftly, "And don't think about putting dirt or mud on your face, it's disgusting. You're better than that."
"I'll do what I must to make sure you succeed" she insisted softly with determination and he didn't doubt it, appreciating her effort to his cause. He wasn't ready to risk her life against the enemy when he hadn't investigated the area and wanted to keep her expertise on knowledge only. He would utilize her acting skills when he'd fully strategized his plans before daring to put her anywhere with a Templar nearby. His expression failed to change and she accepted his choice out of respect, crossing her arms as she kneeled on the floor to mull, "What are we going to do? Have a stakeout right here for the next three days? These barrels aren't comfy."
Altaïr was ready to explain that it wouldn't be safe but shut his mouth as another alternative arose. He placed a hand on top of Vivian's head as she gave him a good idea like a faithful hound, causing Malik to snicker to the humorous scene. Instead of frowning, Vivian smiled to the agreeable pat as her detective idea worked to flourish another. Ha-ha, he would be her new Batman, Malik would be Robin, and she would be the ever dependable Alfred. Altaïr looked to the group as he conceived his new plan to gain insight and deliberated carefully, "I will climb one of these buildings and observe their behavior, following their routine. I will return to camp later to give you my results so we can plan a form of attack and I'll return here again by morning to continue tracking their movements."
"What if you're seen?" Malik questioned incredulously to his solo plan since there would be no backup and guards wouldn't hesitate to chase him back to the Nile. They didn't know the area well enough to escape or find places for refuge. He flicked his thumb towards the surrounding buildings made of wood and pointed out firmly, "We won't be here and doubt we'll be ready to scatter in under a minute down the Nile. Think about this carefully, Altaïr. This isn't Jerusalem or Damascus; this is an unknown town with innumerable variables for danger."
"I've done investigations dozens of times by myself, I don't need to have my hand held like a swaddling baby" the assassin defended snippily since he'd expected the two to have more faith in him rather than try to dissuade him. Where was all the 'yes, we'll listen' or 'we believe in you' or Vivian's constant 'you're the awesome Altaïr' babble they usually spouted? He crossed his arms over his chest to stare at the two impassively for their negativity and added in, "And if we must run, we will do so."
Vivian refrained from falling into an Indiana Jones parody with Altaïr holding the legendary whip and hat while she ran behind like a loyal sidekick. Now that would be an extra perk for the best adventure in her life! Despite all of that, she wanted Altaïr's wellbeing above everything since he was the glue to his order and their little group. After spending day after day alongside him, she didn't want to leave him or Malik alone in a strange place for very long without lending a hand. She shot him a determined look because he'd have to kick her out and stated with thinned lips, "We're a team, we stick together."
"I'll be home at night" he assured with a tone of finality as he prepared to pull off a long investigation and sighed in disbelief when he felt a tug on his right sleeve. Malik tended to nudge him for attention or call his name while Vivian pulled meekly as she treaded carefully with his personal space. The barrels and his height covered her from sight as he turned around to insist sternly, "Vivian, for the last time-"
She handed him a small cloth bag filled with snacks (dried fruit, crackers, and sucking candies) that she'd bought for travel but could see that he'd need them for energy. His furrowed brow softened to her generous token since he'd assumed a nagging session had reared its ugly head but Vivian understood that this was his life. What else could she say or do? She closed his fingers over the bag and squeezed his larger hand between both of hers to state warmly with a small smile, "Stay safe and come home soon."
. . . Well, he couldn't get mad for safe wishes from that little badger.
He rested his other hand on top of her head, careful with the hidden blade gauntlet and nodded silently because he would be returning home. After all, she'd promised to make him a hen for supper! She released his hand with the comforting fact that he'd be kicking Templar asses if they did try to cross him. The man was a grand master and had inspired countless parody songs so no, she wouldn't worry- she'd pity the people that dared to fight him. With that in mind, she learned the ever helpful rule #5 of the month: Offering Altaïr a snack and a friendly smile went a long way. . .especially when someone's ass is about to be kicked.
A/N: I'm in love with the word 'canoodling', I recently used it in a future chapter when Vivian and Altaïr are figuring out their attraction. While Altaïr tries the old scientific method (yes, that's exactly what I said) to woo his lady, Vivian plainly puts it as 'canoodling includes the noodle and it doesn't take a genius to see where we're heading'. I'm eager now since we're slowly heading towards the romanticism between Altaïr and Vivian as they head to Lake Victoria. Since the group is now living off the land as they travel, they'll be bound for humorous adventures and plenty of haircuts.
I received a lot of alerts during this holiday week so thank you very much for adding this story (and my other one) to your lists!
ShizukaRen-Hime: Malik and Vivian make quite the pranking twosome in driving Altaïr insane, especially when he pokes either of them the wrong way. I love going to this AC blog on tumblr that ousts Mary Sue's by pointing out their horrible inaccuracies and after reading bad fics myself, I could imagine Vivian would be ready to jump on that wagon to declare what was wrong with them. I truly hope there really aren't some stories like the ones I made up out there because that was maxing out my craziness factor with Vivian. I love your tune though, they'll be stuck in a room made of stone in Lake Victoria and Vivian's bound to make up some entertainment to kill the time at night. Vivian has such an outrageous adorableness that reminds me of Alyson Hannigan's comedy acting.
xVentressx: Success, my job has been clearly done with this tale!
KrnYong: Our little history nerd definitely did and yes, her crafty brain I definitely creative when it comes to Altaïr. I'm sure she'll have a book full of her parody songs by the end of her trip but he'll grow immune to the tunes- except the sound, the poor girl is horrible. You're not alone because I can't do the moonwalk either. Lol. I've read quite a few bad fics myself and I fought on actually giving Vivian the entry point I used for his realm but I've worked out the logical kinks. Lately though, poor Connor is getting the huge load of bad Mary Sue's as the ship sailed away from Ezio- why is there no love for old Ezio? The man aged finely in my view. There was one with a dual eye color girl (which gave no logical explanation to the heterochromia) who had her parents killed at a young age by Redcoats (which they wouldn't do to innocent civilians before or during the war) and lived off the land to find Connor and pretty much blended into his story to kill Lee. I wanted to bang my head into the wall but wrote my own Connor/OC tale to supply him with a normal accurate time period to meet OCs on his homestead- it helped to dull the rage. Lol
Elektraeriseros: I'm glad you love the story, there's so much humor to fill the seriousness of Altaïr's life with Vivian's jokes. She'll be playing a brothel worker in the next chapter so I can only imagine the humorous outrage she'll stir in him.
FlyingPizza: It will actually be a very long time before the two women actually meet due to their different locations. Altair's group will meet hers in Morocco and Vivian will be her usual eccentric self by piping up, "Wow, you wanted to be a brave knight when you were a child. That's so inspiring- I wanted to be a ladybug!". You can imagine Altaïr's humongous face palm here.
Next Time: How To Kill A Templar
Vivian had been left waiting inside a wagon full of hay with the premise that the assassins would return to fetch her to attack the Templar camp. As she hid between the awful smelling bales, she noticed the two familiar figures approach her and ducked further inside to resemble a rabbit inside its burrow. If anyone dared to pull her out, she'd scream and kick straight for the crotch with her legs. Her green eyes peeked out of the hay bales (covering her nose the whole time) and blinked with bewilderment when her teammates approached the wagon. Did something happen? Her head popped out of the hay like a curious gopher's and she balked when she noticed blood on Altaïr's sleeves as the white moonlight bathed them. Looking to Malik, his dark clothing made it hard to distinguish but his hair was wispy on the ends which meant he'd brushed it back. She highly doubted he'd doused himself in water to parade through town to sway the female masses so sweat was the obvious answer. Yep, her dear dai had done battle without her to cheer in awe.
"You . . . there was no plan to come back for me, was there?" she asked flatly about being left behind and crossed her arms for being left out of the group bonding. Or maybe the two needed male bonding. The dark crevices of her mind hopped over the other side of male bonding to delve deeper into dangerous territory and she shooed the thoughts of the two embracing out of her head. Damn you tumblr. She shook her head to wipe her mind clear of absurdities, squashing her inner fangirl into mush, and pouted at both men for being left behind like a small puppy.
"No, you're not ready for combat, Vivian" Malik answered gently with his older brother tone since she always tagged along to help but she wasn't ready to face enemies. The village outside Giza had been an exception since their forces had been outnumbered by his and Altaïr's experience but they would never head into battle with a civilian in tow. The Templars would never be underestimated and although their numbers were trickling down, neither man would leave her alone with one enemy for more than a minute. He rapped the top of her head gently in the same manner Altaïr used when he was ready to lecture and stated matter-of-factly, "You need to keep training to defend yourself and we don't want you to be a close combatant."
"I'll leave all that goodness for you two" she sighed softly since she wanted to lend a hand but it was better to be alive than dead. She wasn't looking forward to gutting somebody and didn't want the same on her end so she'd stick to her old decoy tactics. Either way, she was happy to escape the wagon of hay as she hopped out and landed unsteadily due to its height. Altaïr grasped her shoulders to stop her wobbling before she tipped over and she straightened her legs to keep her joints locked. She hoped her clothes wouldn't linger with the smell of hay for too long since she and Malik couldn't stand it. Shaking the sleeves of her robes to throw off hay that stuck to the fabric, she piped up with a bright smile, "So, where to?"
"We're leaving tonight, the Nile will carry us upstream and we will make camp for the night" Altaïr ordered quickly to hasten their escape since multiple deaths would be drawing eyes in the small town. They wouldn't be pinpointed since their camp was miles away and they'd never spoken to anyone so they were in the clear.
"We've never traveled by night" Vivian stated worriedly since the fear of tipping over ravenous crocodiles at night was terrifying since a simple thud could turn deadly. It was bad enough to travel over water during the day but the night would hinder their vision since they weren't nocturnal. She frowned at having to row into water that only had moonlight illuminating their way and pointed out, "There's gators and mad hippos lurking about."
"We'll be very careful, Vivian" Altaïr assured confidently since he wouldn't let her get eaten by hungry enraged wildlife, no matter how irritating she could become. She was ready to add in a few more reasons against night travel but he pushed her onwards as he led the way out of the small trading post.
She tagged along behind him, her shorter strides catching up to his with a quick run, and declared aloud to soothe any worries, "Of course not, the mighty Altaïr is not someone you truffle with."
"Truffle?" he asked baffled to her word choices because there were sentences that truly made no logical sense. What in the world was a truffle? Months ago, he would've argued until he was red in the face to her outlandish babble to hustle her to adjust to his manner of speaking. He realized after a few weeks that the more he fought, the more he lost the battle and conceded to Vivian's quirkiness. Now, he simply allowed her little ramblings and smirked to scoff under his breath with amusement, "You're insane sometimes, Vivian."
"As a loon, you should know this . . . comedy wise" she quipped smartly with a perky little smile about her humorous nature and he ruffled her loose wavy hair. Her smile widened to show her teeth completely as she enjoyed his friendly pats on the head and sighed airily, "Don't hate my wordplay, grand master, hate the game."
"We should use torches to guide our path and prevent animals from sneaking up" Malik suggested as he took the leadership role to leave the town since the two were busy pestering themselves with humor. He never thought he'd see Altaïr turning a playful leaf in his personality but Vivian was slowly bringing his sarcastic edge to the surface. His gaze turned awkward when he noticed Altaïr kept ruffling Vivian's short locks into a large ball of frizz that resembled sheep's wool when pulled apart by a tailor's fingers.
Yes, the two were indeed turning into quite the odd pair.
"Good thinking, you'll be our lighthouse" Vivian piped up enthusiastically and pushed away Altaïr's hand from her head when she finally realized his intention. Of course, she didn't see the giant frizzy ball on top of her head and took his endless rubbing as his joke. The assassin added two more noogies onto her head to end his night and she complained with a soft whine, "You're rubbing my scalp raw."
"Exactly" he smirked with satisfaction to the added bonus to her crazy hairstyle and received an insulted 'why, you!' but he pushed her along the path.
Malik chuckled softly and hoped nobody would notice the armored robed man and the woman with a round ball of frizzy hair on her head. For the moment, he was the sanest and most innocent appearing individual of the group.
Thank you again for the reviews and we'll be seeing Altair's date with a brothel worker next time!