Two days later Les was back in the post office asking if his letter had arrived and this time Mrs Symes smiled at him and handed him what he was waiting for, "This came in for you this morning Les and I put it to one side for you, I hope it's what you were waiting for," he thanked her and she noticed sadly that there was no smile there anymore for anyone as he had started to head for the door. "Try to stay out of the rain Les, it was awful this morning. It looks like there's a big storm coming in." He thanked her again as he was leaving. The door opened before he got there, Carla and the three girls entered before he could go out. One of the girls said, "Hello Les, we missed you at the suppertime the other night and we looked everywhere for you," the girls thanked him for the all the fun they had with him and said that they had looked for him afterwards but they were surprised when they found that he had gone. He was put off guard but he tried not to roll his eyes in awkwardness as this was the last thing that he had hoped would happen. Rachael knew the situation only too well and had been trying hard to break the ice with Les as they were surprised to meet him here again at the post office.
Carla looked at him rather sheepishly and one of the girls grabbed her hand and showed Les that Carla now had an engagement ring on her finger. "Rory proposed to me at the dance the other night and I accepted." He thought that it was the cruellest and most uncaring thing that he had ever heard. He was dazed like as if he had been delivered a blow to his heart. Her words sounded to him like as if she was in a daydream and, if she could have avoided this chance meeting again, she would have come to the post office some other time when he wouldn't be there. She was supposed to be happy, in the best time of her life but she knew him all too well, that he was putting on a brave face for some reason.
Les tried unsuccessfully to offer some sort of a smile for his former best friend, "congratulations Carla and best wishes to you both," and with that he was trying desperately to hang on to his deteriorating composure as he headed out the door with his letter but not before having one last long look at her. The girls and Carla thought that this was the strangest thing that they had ever seen and it must mean something and he had looked so drained. The occasion was so awkward that she didn't notice the nasty cut on his hand that was still there. She was sad to think that they had been such good friends over the years and now they couldn't think of a single thing to say to each other and now he couldn't wait to get away from her. They looked out the window and saw him staring intently at the ominous black clouds and the threatening storm that was approaching.
Heads were turning in the street and it was strange as they could see that there was a different police officer who rode passed the next day in the rain on the daily rounds and he was someone who they had never seen before, he took time to acknowledge some of the people as they waved to him but he didn't plan on stopping to talk. He needed, however, need to stop to help a lady with heavy bags get from one side of the street to the other without getting wet and, while they were talking, as she was most grateful, one of the nurses from the hospital couldn't help but overhear what was said between them. Soon there was commotion in the front foyer at the hospital and it appeared that there must have been an accident somewhere in the town. The nurse from the street had returned all wet and suddenly burst through the doors and she was crying uncontrollably. They all looked up from behind the counter and some who were in the corridor who had also heard the scream. "It's Les, "she cried, "he's gone. Everybody dropped what they were doing and came over to her looking for answers. "A new policeman in the street said that he was only here for a while until they could appoint a new one for our town, that has to mean that Les must have gone and he's not coming back," she started to cry again and everyone could see that this must be right in line with the current circumstances. Rachael's heart sank as she was the first one who could understand what must have happened, "Somebody should go and find Carla."
Carla was on duty in another ward and Mrs Curtis couldn't help but see how she was nearly bursting at the seams, "I love to see you so happy like this Carla, the dance must have been a grand success." Carla was beaming when she showed her the engagement ring on her finger, "It was the best night of my life Mrs Curtis, everything was just perfect, Rory had this beautiful open carriage to pick me up right at my front door, he was so handsome and he made me feel just like a princess going to the ball. He looked at me when I opened the door and I thought that he was going to faint, he kept on telling me how beautiful I was and I liked that, he gave me this beautiful necklace and it looked so lovely in the mirror." Mrs Curtis was overjoyed to see Carla so happy to tell her of the night of the dance. "He kissed me in the carriage and I could hardly breathe, my goodness Mrs Curtis, I've never had anyone kiss me like that, I followed him out onto the balcony later that night and it was dark out there, he grabbed me and kissed me again and then he proposed to me. I could hardly breathe and I felt the ring go on my finger and then, all of a sudden, I was engaged to be married and now I have a fiancé."
Carla tried to help Mrs Curtis with her pillow but they were both far too excited, "When it came time to go home, the carriage was back there again and right out the front just for me, when he saw me to the door of my home, he kissed me again and he told me that he loved me, Mrs Curtis, that was just the best night of my life, I don't think that I slept a wink all night." Mrs Curtis let go of her finger, "do you think that you'll set a date for the wedding or is that too soon to consider so early and how does he feel about you studying to become a doctor my dear." Carla just looked at her engagement ring again as she was far too excited and breathless to worry about details that could wait. All she wanted to think about was the ring on her finger and the man who put it there for her. She was just happy to enjoy the happiest moment of he life.
She had a fleeting thought, now that Mrs Curtis had mentioned it, how exciting it was going to be to start planning with Rory, the most exciting day of her life and then there would be the honeymoon. It was going to be so much fun to take Rachael with her to find just the right wedding dress for their special day and everybody would be thrilled when they would see her walk down the aisle and Rachael would be her beautiful bridesmaid. She was excited to think that if they planned it right, they could be back from their honeymoon just in time for the next fundraising dance and this time, she would be a married woman and be able to show off her wedding ring to everyone.
She had actually considered, when she woke up this morning with her jubilant smile and a stretch that, within a few months, she would be waking up every morning for the rest of her life next to the man she loved. She hadn't even worried that she had not looked at her study notes since she had first met Rory, she had justified the postponement on the day of the buggy ride with him out into the country and now her romance with him caused her study to be deferred at least for the foreseeable future as she had other things on her mind. She could hardly believe how it was not even a year since she had passed her last exam and now she would be thinking of the wedding march music which would now be played just for her in the not so distant future. She would close her eyes and she could see herself in her beautiful lace wedding dress and all the beautiful white flowers everywhere and she could see Rory, so handsome, standing and waiting for her in awe at the altar, she could even hear the music of the wedding march and then she would slowly walk down the aisle to all the oohs and aahs of all the people. Later, she would throw her bouquet and Rachael or Nancy would catch it to thunderous applause. She opened her eyes and saw Mrs Curtis lying there and smiling at her, "you've been daydreaming my dear, it must have been good, you have so much to look forward to and I love to see you looking so happy."
She was so breathless and excited from talking with Mrs Curtis that she had momentarily forgotten about how she had been working quietly, thinking of the look on Les's face in the post office yesterday and what it must have meant. She had been packing a little case with bandage and ointment and she was in the throes of heading to the police station to deal with his hand that needed attention even though he said that it would be alright and she knew that it wouldn't. She had lovingly patched up scrapes and scratches for him many times over the years and he had been in awe of her care and expertise, now it was so strange how he just ignored her. She was concerned about his hand and why he wouldn't let her see to it for him. She needed to find her umbrella as she could hear the rain on the roof and the weather had not been good over the last two days.
The nurse entered the room in a rush and Carla knew immediately that something was wrong somewhere and the euphoria of her engagement disappeared momentarily and the smile came off her face and it was replaced with anxiety as the nurse had looked directly at her. "Excuse me Mrs Curtis, Carla please, you need to come with me straightaway." She took Carla's arm with some authority and now Carla was completely bewildered, "I'll be back later Mrs Curtis." She couldn't understand, if there was an emergency somewhere then there would be plenty of more qualified staff to choose from rather than her. As she rushed to the front desk she started to imagine the worst, "has something happened to Rory, is he alright," she was only getting a vague part of the story in the rush but already she was starting to panic as she could soon hear the nurse who was still crying in the foyer.
She knelt down beside her and the nurse tried to catch her breath, "Nancy, what's wrong?" She looked back in distress, "Carla, it's Les, he's gone." She started to try and tell her through the tears, about the new policeman in the street. "Carla was hardly paying attention and she looked rather indignant, "well, of course he's gone, he goes on a job out of town somewhere and we don't see him for a week or so, that's not anything unusual." The young nurse looked at her in distress, "I'm afraid that this time he's gone for good and he's never coming back. That new policeman who's here said that he's only here temporarily until they can appoint a new one so that can only mean one thing." Carla's heart missed a beat with worry and the colour disappeared from her face, she still thought that this must be a mistake and there had to be another reason why this other man was here in town for a while.
Carla's voice became croaky with worry and, even though there had to be another explanation, she asked to be excused, "I'm going straight down to the police station and find out what is happening, surely we have got the story wrong," She was normally very calm and careful with her job when under difficult circumstances but as she left the hospital there were tears running down her cheeks. It had been raining quite heavily earlier but now it was only light drizzle but she hardly noticed. He'd been away for extended periods of time before and surely this wouldn't be any different so there wouldn't be anything to worry about and there had never been the need for a replacement policeman. This was a huge shock for her as she never dreamed that anything like this could happen. She had dreamed that she was soon to marry Rory and her best friend Les would be at the wedding to hug and kiss her and wish her the very best for the future. She was sure that he would be so happy for her and they would still be best friends forever.
She was crying and had to stop along the way as she was starting to face the reality, even though she hadn't got to the station yet and it started to rain again. She tried to see the bright side, it had to be a simple mistake as Les was always there for her ever since she could remember and it wouldn't ever be any different. She managed a passing thought for her new fiancé and felt her engagement ring as she walked quickly past the park bench trying to avoid the puddles on the way to the police station, she was more worried about Les at the moment and any thought about Rory and their wedding and future life would have to wait because it just didn't seem to matter to her at the moment. The ecstasy of their relationship was all that she had thought about for some time but now she had something else to worry about. She saw the new policeman riding in the distance but she refused to accept that Les had gone until she heard it from the police officer herself. Maybe Les would be there in the office and all of this will have been just a horrible misunderstanding, she would tell him that even though she was getting married, she would still keep a place in her heart for him always.
She entered through the heavy front door in a hurry and she was met by the senior officer sitting sadly behind the counter. She was sad and frightened to ask because she felt like she already knew the answer, "sir, is Les around, I'd like to see him please," The officer carefully removed his eye glasses and stared back gloomily at the worried looking lady impatiently awaiting his reply, "I'm sorry miss, he's gone and he won't be back in this town." Carla stared in disbelief at Les's now vacant desk and started to sob, "that can't be, it's impossible, there must be some mistake, he loves it here, he always has and he has always said how all his life he wanted to be the policeman here in Ringwood. He has people here who love him." The officer was now starting to join all the dots together and some of his questions were now being answered, "there's no mistake miss, his request for transfer came through this morning and he packed a few things and was on his way within the hour, I'm sad to lose him, he's a fine young man. He didn't even wait for the heavy rain to stop as he set out. I didn't even know about his request for transfer until he produced his letter that he had just received." He was clearly disturbed as Les must have shown how troubled he was over recent times and he was clearly powerless to help his young friend, "oh and, congratulations on your engagement miss."
The officer either didn't know or he had declined to tell her where Les had gone, probably at Les's request and that upset her even more. It became obvious to her that he had requested the transfer himself and that was why he was in the post office and she had seen the letter in his hand. What was more disturbing was how this officer had known about her recent engagement because the ring on her finger wasn't obvious to anyone unless they had been told. "Did you see that injury to his hand ma'am, I wanted him to go to the hospital to have it attended to but he just ignored me, lately he had been going about his duties with little regard for his own welfare and that was beginning to be a concern."
"A boy came rushing in here the other day asking for help, he was saying that an aggressive man who had been drinking heavily was threatening his mother with a knife in their home. Les just put him on his horse and they went to his house and Les had to struggle with this angry intoxicated knife wielding assailant and apprehend him on his own, that's where he sustained his injury and it looks very nasty to me. We had bandages in our first aid box and that was all the attention that it received, that man is here in our cell and is going to face many years of incarceration for his actions. Les should have waited and sought extra help instead of putting himself in danger like that but he hasn't been in any frame of mind lately to see reason. He should have known better than that. Ma'am, I am very worried about him."
She sobbed outside the station on the steps in the light rain and now she felt so alone all of a sudden, her recent loving proposal of marriage and her acceptance didn't enter her head even though it was supposed to be the happiest week of her life. She turned to go back inside thinking that the officer may give her a different answer next time but she took her hand away from the door as she realised the cold hard reality that there was no escaping the truth, Les had actually gone and was never to return. She thought that, other than at the post office, she couldn't remember the last time she had spoken to him and he had been her best friend. She looked around on her way back and she thought how cold and forbidding the town seemed now that Les was no longer going to be here, this was his home and now she suddenly felt very lonely and she hated the thought of having to face those girls again. She was wet through and she didn't even notice that it was raining or even care. She was frightened that the drunken man could have killed him and she would have been to blame.
She returned to the hospital and her face told the story of their worst fears, she burst into tears along with everyone else and for a while the workings of the hospital came to a halt, "he's gone and he's never coming back, he asked for the transfer himself, he just doesn't want to be here anymore, he rode off in the heavy rain this morning. He looked back at me at the post office and he must have known that it was the last time he would see me." Her three nursing friends ushered her to sit in the foyer as she sobbed, "why did he have to go and he didn't even say goodbye." The girls had their arms around her and waited until they thought that they could talk to her, Rachael was very patient with her as she knew that there was lots that needed to be said, "Carla, the girl he loves is getting married to someone else and he just couldn't bear the thought of it, he loves you, he has always loved you and that is something that we could see from the outset. He could see how you always looked at Rory and it would have broken his heart every day, he just couldn't stay here anymore."
"Every time he would see you with Rory, even from the beginning, we could all see how it would break his heart just a little more and, as your relationship grew and grew and he had to see you show love and affection to someone else, he must have found it impossible to remain here any longer, he must be tearing himself apart. Carla, you know that we all loved him dearly and he loved all of us but it was never the same for us like it was with the two of you. Any of us would have married him in a flash but he only ever had eyes for you. I can only hope that he finds happiness wherever he may be." The girls tried hard to comfort her, "unfortunately Carla, that's just the way it is, it's not the first time that this had happened to anyone and it most certainly won't be the last, you have found the man who you have fallen in love with and you have made the choice and now you wish to spend your life with him and now Les is having to deal with it the best way he can." Carla felt for her engagement ring but that didn't help the emptiness that she suddenly had inside.
The girls had explained it all to her and laid it out plainly and Carla could see that they were right, they had loved Les just as much as Carla did and they were going to suffer just the same as her. Carla felt that they were far more gentle and lenient on her than she deserved. She was disgusted with herself and she felt sick and the way that she had treated the feelings of Les, made her want to curl up and die. She had often seen him out of the corner of her eye when she was with Rory in an intimate moment and now she could see that she hadn't cared even a little for his feelings. "I told him casually that Rory had asked me to the dance and then a few days later I casually showed him my engagement ring and I could see the hurt in his eyes and yet I felt nothing or at least I put it right out of my mind. That must have cut him to the bone and it is all my fault. What a cold, hard callous and uncaring woman I've turned out to be, I wouldn't blame you all if you never spoke to me again." She wondered whether he had hatred for her after being literally tossed by the wayside and how he departed the scene so quickly after each chance meeting in the post office or anywhere else. She was even more upset at the thought that, when his transfer came through, he didn't care whether it was raining heavily, he just had to leave his home forever and never return.
She was now far too furious with herself for any more tears, "I'm supposed to be training to become a doctor and care for the sick, how can I do that when I haven't cared for anyone else but myself. It would have been agony for him to be at the dance and see me with Rory but I was too busy being a princess to know or care about him." Her attack on herself was scathing and relentless , "I don't deserve to have any of you as my friends," and with that, she stood up and headed boldly for her office, closely followed by the others who did not want to leave her by herself at any stage while she was in this hysterical state. She hunted wildly through her cupboard and her drawer frantically turning everything upside down and found the latest two certificates of examinations where she had passed and she proceeded hysterically to tear them up in front of the others. She never dreamed that she had a hurtful bone in her body but now she hated herself for how callously she had treated Les. She couldn't bear that she was never going to have a chance to make it up to him, not that he would ever be interested in seeing her again. "He would never have done this to me." She sobbed helplessly, "He wouldn't even let me help him with his hand."
She was in no fit state to complete her shift so she was promptly sent home and she abruptly declined the offer from the girls of any company as she roughly grabbed her bag in haste and headed out the door. Soon she was sitting on the lounge floor in the dark by herself with all the blinds drawn and the house locked up and her eyes were closed. Her clothes were all wet but she didn't care, all she could see in her head was a grim faced Les riding off in the rain to somewhere where they would never know. She could feel her engagement ring and for a moment her head returned to the other day to her resounding 'yes', and she had felt the ring slide onto her finger. They had hugged and kissed again and then she put her head on his shoulder and then, hand in hand, they stood together and looked out over the balcony into the beautiful gardens and out over the road.
It was dark at the time as the moon had just slipped behind the clouds but she could just make out the park and she smiled as she could see their park bench and she thought that she could just see a hazy appearance of someone sitting there looking very lonely but it was too dark to be sure. Rory just stared at her in the dark, "Carla, you look so beautiful just standing there looking out over the gardens, our life together is going to be so wonderful." Every time he looked into her eyes and told her how beautiful she was, she fell in love with him just a little more. She kissed him again and she looked at her hand, now with an engagement ring on it and thought, "I've never been happier than what I am right now, I'm never going to forget this moment as long as I live." This felt like as if it was their own moment in time and time had stood still for them. After one last look around and a kiss, they slowly left the balcony and rejoined the dance in the hall for the suppertime.
Carla put her hand to her mouth in horror and tears began to flow again, "that must have been Les sitting out there all by himself in the dark." She felt so ashamed of herself for feeling such happiness when Les was going through the worst time of his life. She rolled over onto the floor and cried, any excitement that she had for her engagement and her ring was now tempered by the vision of Les's face when she had cruelly displayed the ring to him in the post office. She was sure that nobody else would have done that to someone as wonderful as Les. Right now, there was no room for anyone in her life and that included Rory, a relationship, wedlock, her position and work at the hospital and anything or anyone else for that matter, they were the least of her concerns. "I've forced him to leave his home through my own selfishness."
She was supposed to be seeing Rory this evening just like how they were together nearly every evening now that they were engaged and they were a betrothed couple planning a lifetime together. She had not even thought about their date tonight and now that she was sitting on her own, there was no thought of walnut cake, apples and shoe shops. The picnic, her bracelet and necklace and baby ducks and the lookout were cast out of her mind, maybe even forever. The only thing that she could see was the desolate look on Les's face caused by a heartless woman with no thought for her best friend. Les had been her best friend and confidant for as long as she could remember and he had never failed her once throughout all the years. She had to be told what everybody else knew and she didn't, it wasn't just friendship with Les, he loved her with all his heart, how could she have not known this and now he's gone and never to return. There was never once where she had cared to confide in him about Rory and maybe even got his approval and acceptance.
She wondered how she might have reacted if the roles had been reversed and if he suddenly presented and flaunted his new girlfriend to her right out of the blue. She was quite sure that he wouldn't have been so heartless and uncaring as she had been, but she now knew that something like that was probably never going to happen as he was never coming back. She ignored the knocks at the door and all she could see was Les's face again, he must have insisted that the location of his new posting be withheld from any enquiries and now she could understand why he would want it that way but it hurt so badly. "Why would he want me to know where he had gone, I had barely given him the time of day for over two months." She knew that Les would forgive her in a heartbeat but she would never be able to forgive herself. How could she be so preoccupied with Rory and not know that it was more than just friendship to Les and that it was true love that he had for her, he had always been there for her when she needed support when there were times during her studies when she doubted herself and she had always been there for him as well. She thought about the nasty cut on his hand and how he couldn't bear to come to the hospital to be with her even for a moment, he must have hated being here she thought. "I wish that I could take this year back and have those days like they were before."
Rory had waited excitedly for her in the dining room where they had arranged to meet again after work and when she didn't show, which was a complete surprise to him, he ventured to her place and knocked gently on the door, there was no answer and he could see that all the blinds were drawn so he thought that she must still be at work. He was getting worried as he walked in the front doors of the hospital and he didn't even have to ask as he could see that there had been a major problem earlier. One of the girls at reception spoke with him softly, "we just found out earlier that Les has gone and he won't ever be back here again, Carla has taken this news very badly so I would suggest that you might leave her to her thoughts for a while."
She did nothing but sit there for two days and she had continued to ignore the knocks on the door until the girls insisted that this time they were coming in even if they had to break the door down. The sight that was before them when they entered the darkened room sickened them and it took their breath away, Carla looked terrible as she had not eaten or drank anything for two days and she couldn't even look them in the eye. They dragged her to the kitchen and made her a cup of tea and toast and she just sat there and poked at it, "Rory's been asking about you and we couldn't tell him anything and now he's starting to worry, Carla, you have to see him sometime."
They had told Carla the cold, hard truth the other day and now she was just going to have to deal with it, they were all suffering as well as they all loved Les so much, but they were not however, going to let their friend and colleague fall by the wayside without a fight. "Rory is your fiancé for goodness sake, he should be able to help you come to grips with this if you can confide in him, he's going to be your husband and he deserves a chance to be part of your life." Carla looked at her friends with a broken heart, "He's out there somewhere on his own in this horrible weather all because of me, how could I not have known." She sat sadly in a heap, "maybe I just didn't want to know." Rachael wondered whether it would have made any difference if she had explained all this to her weeks ago but now it was all too late and she would never know.
As usual those girls were right again and now they waited while she had a bath and made herself presentable again because she had looked dreadful and now, after some tearful hugs and thank you's, she gritted her teeth and made her way to the hotel and inside to the front desk. She got to the entrance and she recalled how she always enjoyed coming here and being a regular visitor and Rory was always there waiting for her with a hug and a kiss to brighten up her day. They were planning a future together and each day that passed had brought them closer together to where they were now engaged to be married and the next step for them would be to be planning a wedding day together. It was only a day or so ago when she had woken up brightly in the morning after the dance and now it was a brand new day, the start of an exciting new beginning, now she was proudly wearing an engagement ring and she suddenly felt a warm feeling of contentment as she lay back on the bed for a while and just looked at it on her finger.
She remembered how passionate he looked when he had told her that he loved her, so she took a detour on her way to work and she hurried through the front door of the hotel just before the heavy rain arrived and she had rushed straight into his arms, "I came straight here Rory, to tell you that I love you." He could hardly hear her with the noisy rain on the roof as he ushered her around the corner and behind the curtain, they kissed again just like on the balcony and in the carriage and on her front doorstep. She told him, "I'm going to make you so proud of me, you are going to be married to a doctor." She was still early before having to get to work so they sat out on the landing where it was dry and cosy and out of the wind and they watched the heavy rain fall down. She had never watched the rain like this until now and she thought how wonderful it was because she had Rory to share it with her. She nestled into his arms and she thought how they had their whole life ahead of them and what could be better than this. The rain abated for a while so that Carla could eventually get on her way to work after kissing him again. "Stay dry my love," he said with concern, "I think this weather is going to hang around for a few days."
Now this morning, he looked extremely worried as he saw a very different Carla and he came from behind the counter and hugged her closely but as he tried to kiss her, he could feel that she wasn't quite as responsive as she normally was and he didn't like it one bit. She welcomed his embrace as he was the man who she had fallen in love with but now it felt very different and she wondered whether she would ever feel any affection for anyone ever again. "Carla my love, I can see that something has happened and you must tell me so that I can help, I haven't seen you for two days and I was starting to go out of my mind, nobody could tell me anything except that Les is gone." They went into the lounge and sat by the fire and she tried her best to tell him again how Les had been her best friend for years and she took him for granted and now he's gone and won't ever be back. She hadn't been able to go back to work and she might have damaged her career but she didn't care. All her tears had been shed before so now, she just looked desolate and alone sitting here before her fiancé. He came and sat close to her and put his arm around her and he said how he could understand her sadness and he would always be there for her. It had been a huge shock for her and now she felt safe here in Rory's arms but there was a whole lot of the story that she hadn't told him.
He had woken up the next morning after the dance and the happy memory came flooding back to him straightaway, he was so excited to think that he now had the most beautiful fiancé that anyone could ask for and she had gladly accepted his proposal of marriage back there so romantically on the balcony of the town hall. He was on cloud nine as he couldn't believe his good fortune and he would remember their time on the balcony forever. They had only known each other for a few months and everything had moved along so fast as they had fallen in love and now they were going to become husband and wife in a very short time. She was happily going to be his wife and he was going to provide for her like a good husband and she would be happy never having to work again.
Now he had to take a deep breath and try to figure out what he was going to say to her, he didn't really know the extent for the feelings that Les had for her, "I wondered when I saw a different police officer around the town and then you suddenly went missing in action," He was quietly relieved that this was all it was and that Les wasn't injured and she wasn't mortally sick. He suggested that Les, as a police officer, had decided to move on to greener pastures and the sadness of his departure would blow over in time, it sounded to her like a flippant offhanded comment from someone who didn't really care about Les like what she did and it wasn't the first time that she felt brushed off by him. She remembered the blank look that she got from him when she had told him that he was going to be married to a doctor.
He gradually turned the conversation elsewhere and she was hardly focussing or listening to anything that he was saying and now, come to think of it, she remembered how they had spent so many hours together and now she could barely recall anything that they had discussed. She apologised to him for being a little standoffish and she hoped that he would understand and give her the space that she needed, there was one thing in particular, however, that she did hear him say and that was how he reacted to her medical career when she had mentioned it. "When we are married you won't have to work ever again as I won't be stuck behind a front desk here forever, I plan to be able to manage an entire hotel wherever that might be and you will be able to be with me and do whatever you want as my wife and you won't need to worry about any medical career." She was too broken up about Les that she didn't give that comment much thought at the time as she bid him goodnight and she said that she would see him again maybe on the park bench again and with that, she disappeared quickly out the door after a hug. He said with his usual smile, "I'll look forward to it Carla my love, we have so much to talk about."
She thought that his entire commentary was far too dismissive from someone who should have cared more for her feelings and she didn't appreciate it coming from the man who had fallen in love with her and that last comment from him made her think that he hadn't heard a word that she said. She wondered whether it was just because he didn't know about Les's true feelings and the real reason why he left his home and Carla was not about to tell him. She loved Rory and he was her fiancé but she saw their courtship having to slow down somewhat. It was the first time where she could see that he saw himself as the manager of a hotel and his only vision for her was for her to be a housewife and there was going to be no thought of her studies for her dream of a medical career. She stood on the steps and looked at their cosy seat on the landing where they had sat together and watched the rain, somehow to Carla, it had seemed to have lost its appeal now that she could visualise Les leaving his home in the driving rain.
Her visit with Rory served to open her eyes a little, she had fallen in love with him and they yet may have a life together but she now had found a fiancé who said he loved her but who could not have cared less about her life's dream of becoming a doctor and she most probably would not receive any real support from him. It all suddenly felt rather superficial to her. She remembered how Les and her had made a pact in the very beginning that their lives would be worth something and nothing would interfere with them. She headed with some purpose to the hospital and marched straight inside, "I owe you all an apology and I won't let you down again," she was teary with all her friends who had welcomed her back. "My world is taking a battering right now but this is what Les would have wanted and I have to accept that he has gone forever." The girls hugged her dearly and they presented her with her two certificates which they had carefully patched up and taped together again. "Rory and I may eventually set a date one day but, for now, that is the furthest thing from my mind, I'm going to dedicate my time to finishing my studies and I will become Doctor Carla Pennington."
Rory was making every effort to promote their love affair but, even though she was trying to be affectionate, he could see that some of the spark was gone and he didn't appreciate it, Carla had felt that he was proving to be rather indifferent and uncaring to her plans of a medical career and how she was missing Les, she gradually proved to be unresponsive to his advances, after all, they were supposed to be engaged and were eventually going to be husband and wife but soon, she was just going through the motions. He had expected it to all blow over soon and Les's departure would just become a memory for her and then she would become his wife. He continually tried to tell her of his plans about managing a large hotel but not once did he show any interest in her medical studies or even ask about Les. He said again for the umpteenth time, "when I become a manager, you will be able to leave all of this sadness behind and you can just be happy being my darling wife, wherever we may be." He was rather exasperated one afternoon when he called in to see her at the hospital but he was told that she had gone to the police station again to see if there was any news about Les.
The weeks and months went by and everyone had sadly learned to accept that Les was indeed never to return to Ringwood. Carla had begged off sick when the next fundraising dance came along, she just couldn't imagine ever being there again when Les couldn't be there to enjoy it with all of them. She was continually reminded that you don't know what you've lost until it is gone. She poured herself into her job and she tried hard with her studies for a while but her declaration to study hard was becoming very difficult to fulfill as she couldn't find the inspiration that she had been used to over the years. It was becoming increasingly difficult to focus when her inspirational friend was no longer around to give her confidence. Her burning determination to continue with her studies had fizzled out somewhat and the study notes were gathering dust on the shelf.
She would come home from work and when she would be getting changed, she would see her study folder sitting there on the shelf in the corner, right where it was last week, still untouched. She would get despondent about it but somehow she just couldn't bring herself to look at them. When she revisited the park bench she would prefer to be by herself and just stare out into the direction where Les used to appear from and she would wonder where he was, is he safe, is he happy and does he have a new life and people who care for him somewhere over the horizon. It was a quiet time for her and she would try to think fondly of her times with him and that would be the only thing that could raise any sort of a smile on her face amid all the worry.
The nights were the worst for her, the days, weeks and months came and went and she got to the point where she hated coming back home from work to her house that felt so empty. She sat at her dressing table one night and she was brushing her hair and she started to cry and couldn't stop, "why couldn't I have been brushing my hair for Les." She would clutch the birthday card to her chest and she knew that it was the only link that she had remaining with him. They could tell at the hospital when she hadn't been to sleep all night as she would wander into work looking bedraggled and forlorn and they knew that she needed them all but she needed her space as well. She imagined the frame of mind that he would have been in, the day that he left and she blamed herself entirely and now it was worse because she was never going to be able to tell him. She would sit endlessly staring at the walls of her miserable home with no answers forthcoming. She could visualise him mounting his horse in the driving rain and not even having a look back as he left his home behind him for good. She felt sick to the stomach as that sight would stay with her forever and that, because of her, he couldn't bear to be here any longer.
She thought about her first date, the dance and her whirlwind romance and how she had been able to knock Rory off balance each time he would see her when she had taken the time to get dressed up for him. None of those things seemed to matter anymore if Les wasn't ever going to be around any longer. She hated herself for not having barely noticed or spoken to him for weeks and weeks, her life was a mess and she couldn't bear not knowing where he was and if he was safe. There were no answers to be had because he was never coming back. What would he think of her now as her studies were in disarray and the next level of achievement was miles away as they were getting harder than any ones from before, it seemed that her dreams of graduation were just that, not much more than a pipedream anymore. She was certain that Les would not have allowed her to be depressed and defeated like this and he would have certainly not shown the indifference and lack of care like Rory. She had already decided that she would not waste her efforts anymore and tell Rory about her studies, such as they were.
She always would look in on Mrs Curtis in the ward but one day Carla looked to be just tinkering around aimlessly and she appeared to be lost so sadly in another world. She was a very different person to the one who had proudly and excitedly displayed her brand new engagement ring and had related the story of the wonderful night of the dance. Mrs Curtis could see that something was troubling Carla and she was always going to be the right person to be talking to, "Carla, I look forward to seeing you every day and you always brighten my life up with every visit but, I can see it in your face that you have a lot of things on your mind, come and talk to an old lady for a while and tell me what's troubling you . You were so happy with your engagement and your new fiancé, come and sit with me and tell me what happened." Carla could hold back the tears no longer and she cried in Mrs Curtis's arms, "things couldn't be any worse if they tried, the man I really love went away because he can't bear to be anywhere near me and I won't see him ever again and my studies are in a shambles and I'm going to marry a man who couldn't care whether I study or not. I want so badly to do what I was training for but I just can't do it without Les being here. Rory must have been right all along and maybe he knows me better than Les ever did, maybe I'm just not cut out to be a doctor after all."
Mrs Curtis could see that none of this had just happened overnight but it had all evolved over a period of some months. "Carla, a marriage is supposed to be a bond and a partnership between two people who not only love each other with all their hearts but they provide support and encouragement to each other when it is needed, he is clearly self-absorbed in his own future and that can only lead to trouble down the track. Love could lead to resentment if he can't be swayed to support and encourage you in your own part of the journey. This may be a momentary setback for you but I have never seen anyone who has more of a destiny as the life of a doctor than you Carla. It seems like all Rory wants is a housewife and you may have to decide whether you are prepared to settle for just that. From what you have told me Carla, I can see that he will firmly resist any effort that you will make towards your graduation. Be very careful because it will be too late after you are married." All I can suggest for Les is that you keep him always in your heart and think what he would want for you, he would eventually want to meet Doctor Carla Pennington sometime in the future I'm sure, he would be suffering now but things have got a way of sorting themselves out over time if you can hold onto the faith." Carla was gradually coming to a grim realisation, "Les loved me more than anyone could and I didn't even know it."
There was a new hospital administrator recently appointed who came to talk with Carla and the other doctors one day on an important matter. Mrs Watson was very efficient at her job and she sometimes appeared rather stern to the younger ones but they all loved her and she was soon to be part of the family. A rather unusual request had been made from the little hospital in the faraway town of Laymond, about one hundred and twenty miles away. They had a patient there who desperately needed the extra care that they couldn't provide as they didn't have the staff available. He was in a coma and he had been unresponsive for some time and there was little more that they could do for him as he needed constant monitoring. Mrs Watson had no hesitation in offering the services of the Ringwood hospital without any consultation and she asked when they could get him here. They had no details of who he was and whether there was any next of kin that they could find but they would worry about that after they could get him safely into one of our hospital beds.
Carla persevered as best as she could with her relationship with Rory and she had accepted reluctantly and tearfully that Les was not coming back so she was determined to make it work, she had a love for this man but she would not budge on her insistence that her own career was paramount to her even though it had stalled. She would sit with him on their park bench and they would still hold hands like before and it seemed like they could have a life together but her smile seemed to be forced most of the time and he could see that her mind was elsewhere for much of the time. She felt very uneasy sitting with Rory here after having seen Les from the balcony on the night of the dance. She was avoiding the question of setting a date for their marriage. Any time that she might mention anything about her work and her studies that weren't happening, Rory would always override her comments by abruptly changing the conversation to his own future.
Her own work and studies were now more important to her than ever before as it was the only link to Les that she had left and, any marriage to Rory would depend on him accepting that. Despite all that, she knew that he loved her dearly and that might be enough for the moment to have her believe that there would be a chance for them. "Carla, I told you that when we are married you will never ever have to work again and I was serious, I will be making application for a management position at various hotels all over the country and once I am accepted then we can move there and start our new life together, it is going to be so wonderful, you'll see. I have my resume prepared already." She could see by now that her medical career was never going to enter the picture at all and that saddened her, maybe he was right after all, she had to face facts, her studies unfortunately without Les being here were non-existent with no light at the end of the tunnel. Mrs Curtis had tried to provide some encouragement for her and had insisted that Carla would never be leaving the medical profession, but now her kind words seemed to be a long way from reality and she may have to accept the inevitability and just be a good wife to Rory. It was a cold hearted thought that hung around her neck, The hospital here and Ringwood was her home and now she was having to face the distinct possibility that she would have to dutifully follow her husband to wherever it would take them and leave here, she thought that she may never see her home again and, who knows where they may end up.
It was a forlorn picture of the bearded man lying unconscious and helpless on the stretcher as he was brought in through the open front doors, a hospital attendant and a local volunteer had made the long arduous trip from Laymond to get him here as soon as possible. They had travelled each day from even before first light right through to dusk when there was simply no way they could see anymore, they had a change of horses to minimise any delay and they had heaved a huge sigh of relief when Ringwood came into view. They didn't want to lose this man after what he had done for that little girl. They could provide little information about him other than that he was involved in something bad and he was lucky to survive.
The two attendants were tired, thirsty and hungry but they had pushed on regardless and now that their job was done, they sat in Mrs Watson's office and were close to tears with relief. "Please Mrs Watson, can you do for this man what we couldn't do for him back home, he surely must be the bravest man who ever lived." She promised that Ringwood would do their level best now that he was here in their care. She refused to allow these dedicated men to leave and that they would be looked after and they would stay overnight or longer before they could return home. There were some new nurses and assistants to the hospital and they were given the task of getting this poor man settled into a hospital bed. He had this thick, bushy, unkempt beard and scruffy long hair which seemed to hide much of his face and, despite this, the young nurses thought that he was probably a very handsome young man and they wished that they could eventually get rid of the awful beard from his face.
Carla would be seen going about her duties as busily as ever but more quietly than she had been before, they would see her having a quiet moment from time to time and they knew to leave her alone. She would sit with Rory on the park bench and occasionally have a dinner date but her mind would always be elsewhere. She missed her inspiration and the times when she would be so jubilant after passing the next exams and no one was more pleased for her than Les, "I told you that you could do it and I was right," he would always say and now she was sad and desolate because that part of her life was gone forever. She would sit down and try to look at her study notes starting to gather dust and she would just put them down again as she couldn't find the reason why she had started them in the first place. She could still see the resignation on Les's face as he departed the post office and that was the last time she would ever see him. She realised, now that it was too late, that Les knew her better than anyone ever had. Rory was never going to be able to fill that void and she was going to have to learn to accept it somehow and, if they were to eventually get married, she would just have to leave the hospital and just become the housewife and mother of his children that he wanted.
The bearded man looked like he had lived out in the wilderness for all of his life and, as Mrs Watson peered on at his helpless face, she knew that she had to find out more details than the little information that they had available to them. He must surely have next of kin somewhere and there must be people who love and care for him and now they don't know where he is. The hospital at Laymond hadn't been able to provide them with any information on him so, without any further delay, she decided to contact the police station or facility at Laymond and start there, if she couldn't get any satisfaction there, she would just persevere as she always did. She wanted to know who this poor man was and what could possibly have happened to him to cause him such extensive injury and suffering. She was not going to be deterred but she was getting frustrated as the phone would ring out time and time again, "It's a police station for goodness sake, there has to be someone there." she growled to herself. She eventually accepted and assumed that the office would be unattended periodically so she would try again in a while after some calming deep breaths.
"How's that new patient coming along nurse," enquired Carla to a young nurse as she returned from a break, she was still a trainee doctor with many qualifications still outstanding and she had been assigned different patients in another ward so she knew nothing of this new addition to the hospital. "Oh, there's no change in his condition from when he came in so that may be a blessing in itself, He has that awful looking beard and scruffy hair though and I can't understand why a man would want to look like that, I bet if we could get rid of it we might find a very handsome young man in there somewhere." Carla smiled and said that she might pop in sometime and see for herself.
Her smile soon disappeared as she had just recently returned from the park bench after being with Rory who had pressed her yet again for a date to be set for the wedding. She knew that time was supposed to heal everything but she was still insecure as she still had not completely accepted Les's departure and she still didn't appreciate Rory's insensitivity, her work was one thing but he never cared to make any mention of Les at all. She hated how he had virtually dismissed Les's sudden departure and he had to know that it had upset her terribly. She had been sitting quietly in his arms when she had seen the relief policeman ride past. She had sat up in a start as, for one fleeting moment, she hoped that it was Les but it wasn't. She was close to tears as she apologised to him and departed quickly to return back to work.
There was no smile on Mrs Watson's face as her battle with the telephone was still continuing but she was unperturbed as she knew that someone would have to answer it eventually. She was persevering but she thought that this was getting ridiculous and her patience was wearing thin. She needed some respite from it as she glared at the phone but she thought to give it one more try before she would wander around the wards to regain some sanity. This time she nearly dropped it as now there was an answer at the other end, "Laymond station here, Officer Roseberry." Mrs Watson was overjoyed and relieved that she might now be able to get some answers to her enquiries. She hurriedly introduced herself and said where she was from and then described the new patient. "Sir, can you tell us who he is and how he got injured so badly."
"Ma'am, I wish that there was more that I could tell you about him but I can at least tell you what happened, we had a kidnapping of a little six year old girl and it looked like being a very dangerous situation that would unfold so we asked for assistance from another station and this man showed up and helped us find where she was being detained. Our people tried hard to negotiate the release of the little girl but we were unsuccessful and we got very worried as her life was under threat, this man put himself in danger as if it didn't matter to him and he created the diversion that we needed to rescue the little girl safely. The criminal released and stampeded the cattle from the pen and this brave man was trampled, he is lucky to be alive as there was only one shot that rang out and you will see the graze on his forehead. I hope that you can save this man ma'am who saved that little girl and we know nothing about him, why he wasn't in uniform I will never know."
She thanked him and carefully hung up the phone and sat quietly staring out the window trying to hold back the tears that were starting to form. This was completely unprofessional to her line of thinking as a hospital administrator so she quickly composed herself and called all the staff together. She informed everybody about the phone call that she just had and she described what Officer Roseberry had said to her virtually word for word. "Everybody, we must do our best to save this man who is a police officer and obviously one of the finest, he has proved that he would not hesitate to do his best for us so we must do the same for him, I'm sure that little girl and her parents would like the opportunity to thank him one day for what he has done for them. He's only a young man" You could hear a pin drop after Mrs Watson left the room.
There was a lull in proceedings as the man had been settled into his bed and all they could do for the moment was monitor his condition and hope that he remained stable. They all took it in turn to take temperature and pulse and use a damp cloth if they thought that he may be too hot, they felt helpless as they just had to wait for any improvement to occur and that could take weeks. A change in nurses from one shift to another brought Nancy to this man's side and she started to wipe his forehead wherever she could find it in amongst all the messy hair and unkempt beard, she did her best to make sure that he looked comfortable enough as she looked at him for vital signs. She had been told that he had been completely unresponsive and we all just had to be patient and hope for some promising signs eventually, she looked at him sadly thinking that he was only a young man with his whole life ahead of him. She had to stop suddenly and she had to have a second look and she gasped and stopped breathing and then there was this frightful squeal and the sound of a tray full of implements falling on the floor which could be heard all over the wards. She was one of the many nurses taking her turn on rotation but she was also a good friend and one of the three girls along with Rachael who would accompany Carla around the town on their breaks or on a day off. It was unmistakable what she had seen after she had a second look again, then she slowly backed out of the room in disbelief and then she turned and raced off at breakneck speed along the corridor to urgently find Carla.