Severus did not want to have to work late yet again on the Friday evening of his dinner at the Dursley's, so he made an effort to put on a very bad mood for the week leading up to it. It wasn't hard, since the prior weekend included both the anniversary of Lily's death and a horrible visit to St. Mungo's. As a result, all the students were on such nervously good behavior on Friday, he barely needed to dock any points at all and gave out zero detentions. As soon as he finished the terminal clean of his dungeon classroom for the week and took a quick shower to wash off any lingering fumes, he headed out to the grounds and thence to Hogsmeade.

He arrived at roughly the same time as a taxi pulled up to Number 4 Privet Drive, presumably containing Vernon's sister. He paused in the shadows near the stop sign at the entrance to Privet Drive to observe his female muggle counterpart. Inviting both Severus and Marge had been Petunia's idea, in order to more easily divide adult attention between the two boys. Marge was Dudley's favorite aunt, so Harry should be unopposed in having Severus for his favorite uncle, tonight at least. Or rather, Harry would have Joseph's undivided attention, he reminded himself of the agreed-upon alias. He watched a rotund woman climb out of the taxi and march up the sidewalk. She had a dog with her, he noted.

Severus was not thrilled by the idea of socializing with additional Dursleys but agreed for Lily's sake. He was even less thrilled with socializing with this Dursley's dog. He had come to detest dogs of all breeds at some point. He was not afraid of them, of course, but they smelled, drooled, got underfoot, and were uniformly either obnoxiously affectionate or overly prone to growling and biting. He supposed he would have to be polite to the animal as well. Petunia had mentioned at some point that Marge loved and indeed bred them. He took a deep breath and strode back into the light.

The door was still ajar when he reached it. It appeared all the Dursleys remained distracted with Marge's arrival. Marge, Vernon, and Petunia were all talking loudly from the entrance to the parlor, where he could just see Petunia in the doorframe with her back turned towards him. Dudley was already playing with the dog in the hall, a brown, tubby, short-legged but large-headed type Severus recalled seeing before but couldn't name. Harry, meanwhile, was staring down the hall towards the door when he pushed it open again. The child's face lit up in delight, and he ran towards Severus and hugged his knees, just as he had done last Christmas and in July. At least this time, Severus wasn't carrying anything. He lifted the child up; he was noticeably heavier, Severus thought with vague satisfaction. "How are you, Harry?" he asked.

"Good."

Severus grinned at him. "Good." Harry grinned back. Severus glowed. That muggle book was on to something when it said smiling at children this age was a way to communicate love and approval, and more practically that they would almost certainly smile back. He suddenly wondered if it worked on eleven-year-olds. He rarely smiled at his students, but he resolved to test it sometime, perhaps in September with the fresh batch.

"Mummy! It's Uncle Sev!" Dudley announced.

Petunia twisted a little to look at him. She was already smiling. "Ah, there you are, Sev! Come in!"

Severus stepped over the threshold and closed the door behind him. Dudley trotted up, and Severus ruffled his hair with one hand. He had noticed the gesture recently when he was at the hospital, from a harried-looking couple in the lobby with rather too many red-haired children to easily manage between them. Petunia beckoned him to the parlor and turned to introduce him. "Marge, I'd like you to meet my brother, Joseph."

Up close, Marge was almost as large as Vernon, with similar facial features if much less facial hair. She did have some that she had attempted to shave, not recently enough. Her handshake was almost identical to her brother's as well: pudgy but deceptively strong. "Pleasure to meet you, Joseph. I never thought I'd see another one of Petunia's relatives besides Harry after her mum died. The whole family seemed dispersed and horribly reclusive." Well, that was... blunt. "And I said to her, 'Petunia, it's going to be alright, because you're a Dursley now, and Dursleys are a strong family.'" Severus blinked, uncertain if that was supposed to have been reassurance or a command in the wake of Petunia's mother's death.

But he smiled easily, as he did whenever meeting superficially unpleasant new people he wanted to like him. "A pleasure to meet you as well, Marge. I'm sorry we never connected before, but I was rather out of touch with Petunia for a few years until we lost Lily and Iris."

"What a voice you've got there. You could shiver the floorboards if you raised it, I'll warrant. Is it trained?"

For what, singing? "No."

"Just naturally endowed then, lucky sod. Petunia, how is it you managed to lose track of your own brother?"

"He's my half-brother," Petunia explained quickly. "From Dad's first marriage. He lived with his mum growing up, not with us."

Marge nodded affably. "Oo, older brother then, gotcha. Well, pups always go with the bitch." It was only his years of rubbing shoulders with Death Eaters and working as a double-agent that kept Severus' reaction to that particular comment from showing on his face. "Are you a dog person, Joseph?" Marge asked.

"Not really, no. We never had one when I was young."

She smiled widely and winked forcefully at him. "Well, we can always find out." He suddenly decided not to suggest she call him 'Sev.'

Vernon cleared his throat. "Why don't we sit? Get out of the hallway at least so Petunia can finish what she needs to in the kitchen."

"That would be perfect. The roast should be just about ready," Petunia said quickly. "Keep the boys with you, please, Vernon." She bustled off as the rest of them shuffled into the parlor. Dudley tugged the dog into the middle of the room and then buried his face in its neck, patting it roughly. The dog liked this more than Severus expected, waggling its posterior excitedly.

"Do you want to go play with the doggie, Harry?" he asked as he took a seat on an armchair. Harry shook his head and burrowed into Severus' jumper. It was the wool one Albus had given him for Christmas; the November night was chilly. "You sure?"

Marge cackled. "Oh, poor Harry got a bad first introduction to Joey-kins at Duddies' birthday bash. Got chased all around the yard! Little Joey was just playing, Harry."

"He's also been more sleepy and snuggly than usual, ever since going to the pediatrician on Wednesday and getting his shots. He even wanted to climb onto my lap while I was watching the match yesterday, and he never does that. Petunia was busy in the kitchen at the time. Probably had a little fever," Vernon said with a chuckle

Severus traced an arc with his thumb along the back of Harry's head and changed the subject. "Seems you're staying the weekend, Marge?" He had noticed her luggage in the hall.

"Oh, yes. Always do when I visit. That train's too long! You?"

Severus shook his head. "Too many papers to grade."

"Ooh, you're a teacher? What subject?"

"Chemistry."

"Excellent. You've picked the right career there, Joseph. You know, it's the science and maths that's important. That's where all the jobs are! Why do they even still teach grammar and history and languages and the other namby-pamby subjects beyond the primary school level? That's what I want to know. I mean, the world runs on English, right? And if you learn to write too complicated, that's just making it harder for the foreigners!"

Severus quickly decided Marge was appalling. She reminded him most strongly of Gaius Goyle, a Death Eater who had only escaped imprisonment in Azkaban because he had always been first and foremost a stooge of Lucius Malfoy. At least that meant Severus already had a template he knew how to interact with favorably. So he did not argue the benefits of cultural sophistication but instead kept his face neutral as he said, "Well, so many find the hard sciences so challenging."

"Oh? How are your students getting on this year?"

"The first half of the year is always a disaster. That's why I need the whole weekend to wade through the assigned homework. Ask me again in a few months."

Marge and Vernon both laughed. "Hard to find a reason not to fail some of 'em, eh?"

"Exactly."

"Well, some's just not cut out for school at all." Severus did not point out that thought directly contradicted her opinion that only science and maths should be taught. What exactly did she think her hypothetical uneducated masses should do with their lives once they failed at chemistry or physics or whatever else Marge deemed suitable? Particularly given the vast scale of modern muggle society.

"Dinner!" Petunia called, summoning them all to the dining room. Severus set Harry down to walk over himself, judging Marge would probably be unimpressed with any signs of "immaturity." The last thing he needed was for her to start blithely criticizing the boy over nothing.

Unfortunately, the dog followed them to the dining room.

"Beautiful spread, Petunia," Marge said instantly. Well, the woman had no filter and said whatever came to her mind immediately, but at least pleasant things could also fall out of her mouth.

They were seated in such a way around the oval table that the children sat to either side of Petunia, with Marge next to Dudley and Severus next to Harry. Marge immediately served up two slices of roast and a large spoonful of boiled maize onto Dudley's plate and took up his knife and fork. "I've got this one, Petunia. Can't make a bachelor uncle help with kiddos this young!" Severus did not recall mentioning his marital status. Marge's voice changed completely and quite dramatically when she started speaking to Dudley. "Now my little Diddy, Margie's faaaavorite nephew, let's get some foodie-food in that tummy-tum! Such a darling, growing boy..." Well, that explained why Marge was Dudley's favorite aunt, he supposed. She fawned on him even more than his doting parents did. Severus was both impressed and mildly repulsed, mostly by her sticky-sweet tone. If Harry was hoping for Severus to behave like that, he would be forever disappointed.

Petunia smiled at the display, though, and turned to cater to Harry. Harry appeared thrilled with this turn of events.

The conversation lulled when Marge tucked in to her own meal, fortunately. Severus took the time to talk a little to Harry, although Marge still loudly punctuated the stilted conversation, even with her mouth full. From the child's perspective, the week had been trying. The worst of it, as Vernon had already mentioned, Harry had a visit to a doctor and got several vaccines.

("I know they're ouchie, boy, but they'll help you grow up strong! Like your Uncle Vernon, and Dudley!")

Secondarily, with the recent colder weather and heavy rains, Petunia had packed up the backyard football set for the year. ("Summer will be here again before you know it, kiddo. Football, though. Good sport! Never really cared much for it myself, but it's so popular, it's a good one for little kids to know and get good at. Gives 'em a leg up when they're school-age. Right, Joseph? They can't all be champion boxers like Vernon!")

On the other hand, he and Dudley had done lots of coloring while stuck inside, and Harry might like to show some of his artwork to Severus after the meal. Severus agreed to look at it.

When Marge finally set down her knife and fork, she turned towards Petunia, Harry, and Severus with an air of purpose, completely overlooking Dudley, who did not appear pleased to lose her attention so thoroughly. "Tell me more about Harry's folks. I never really heard much about them before. Well, I'm not here that often, and there's always so much to do and catch up on. Really, I suppose I've only met him, what, four times, Vernon? Christmases and Dudley's birthdays. And he was such a wee tyke the first two times, so shy and sleepy." She grinned at Harry in a way Severus was sure was supposed to be kind.

Severus answered. He had suspected the question might come up and had thought about it during one of the seventh-year classes, how to describe both Lilly and Potter in muggle-friendly terms. "James was studying to be a police officer." He wasn't, but he had joined the Order of the Phoenix, and Severus had heard the rumor at school that what he ultimately wanted to do was join the aurors, which was close enough. "They married just a year out of school. Lily was a stay-at-home-mum, given they got pregnant so soon after marriage. I believe she also had thoughts of becoming a chemist but put it off."

"My dad does drills," Dudley supplied irrelevantly.

"Hush, dear, I know that. Your Dad's my brother, silly." Severus was surprised again. He hadn't expected her to speak down to Dudley at all, given what he had seen so far. Marge nodded thoughtfully. "Policeman and a chemist. Not bad jobs, for in-laws. Such a pity about the car crash."

Harry tugged on Severus sleeve. "You knew my Dad?"

Severus had to fight to suppress an eye-roll to that. But of course, Harry would want to ask him about Potter... James. He would have to get in the habit of using the name eventually. Merlin, this was going to be difficult. He forced a pleasant smile at Harry and tweaked his nose. "Of course I did. I'm your uncle, aren't I?"

"Buh Auntie Petunia..."

Oh, dear. He gathered Petunia had only met the man a handful of times, and hated him on principle, just as Severus did. And now Severus had made the mistake of admitting he did, actually, know James. He was now become the repository of all James-related information in Harry's mind. Delightful. Well, he couldn't really back down, now, with everyone watching him expectantly. Except Dudley. Dudley didn't care and looked rather bored. Why couldn't the rest of them be like Dudley? "Oh, I see. Well, I actually went to the same school as your father for awhile. I suppose I got to know him rather better than your auntie."

"Was it you who introduced them, Joseph?" Marge asked.

"Ah... indirectly, I suppose." He had introduced Lily to the wizarding world. That counted. "But I wouldn't say we were close school friends or anything like that." Petunia took a sip of wine. She must be laughing inside, knowing how much he had disliked James. He glanced down at Harry, who looked crestfallen. He smiled at him again and surreptitiously took his hand under the table. "Sorry, kiddo." Internally, he frowned. Kiddo was not a word he had ever said himself before, and it sounded wrong. Why was it so different from how Marge said it?

Marge inhaled loudly and leaned back in her chair. "Petunia dear, what's for pudding?"

The rest of the evening was just as exhausting, with Marge's comments growing more and more off-color and personal as she downed each portion of brandy. He hoped for the sake of her liver the woman did not drink so extensively on a routine basis. Fortunately, there was a breath at the very end when Marge took her dog out in the back yard to wee, and took Dudley with her. "Thanks for coming, Severus," Petunia said. "I know Marge is a lot when you first meet her, but I really think that went well, so far as the boys are concerned. That was the smoothest evening we've had with them in a good while."

"Thanks for inviting me."

"I will say it's creepy how easily you lie to her about everything, though." Severus felt himself flush. He rarely thought about what his skill with deceit would look like from an objective observer, but he imagined it could be rather disturbing. "I assume what you said about Lily and James' occupations was reasonably accurate? Lily never said." Petunia asked, saving him from having to respond to her previous comment.

"As far as I knew from when we were still in school."

"That's really good to know. Harry's started asking questions about them from time to time. How's your mum?"

Severus looked away. "Same. Still in hospital."

"I'm sorry. What-"

"I really don't want to talk about it. But thanks for asking."

Vernon cleared his throat, and Severus noticed his face was rather redder than usual. "Er, yes, thank you for coming. Er, you handled yourself well in there, better than I thought you would." Severus raised his eyebrows, and Vernon turned even redder. "She was flirting with you," he muttered.

"I did notice."

"Er, I do think it's probably good for the boys for you to keep visiting off and on, Sev, but..."

"Leave your sister alone?"

"...Yes."

"I'll keep that in mind."

Severus gave Harry one last hug before he left. He looked into the child's face, silently promising again to Lily's eyes to do the right thing. For the first time, he made himself see James's face as well, and promise the same.

Author's Note: I didn't know I wanted to write a scene with Marge and Severus until I was writing it. Marge reminds me of a certain kind of politician: repulsive to (and repulsed by) outsiders but does genuinely care about the people closest to her. She's not an abject Harry hater in this story (at least not at this point) because no one has told her anything she disapproves of about him. She could easily still become a Harry hater because hatefulness is just in her nature, something Severus is very good at recognizing, naturally. Couldn't resist giving Marge some low-key but still off-putting attempts at flirting with Severus, too lol.