"I'll admit, the Dueling Club has actually been a fun new challenge," Severus grunted as he helped Vernon lift up Harry's bedframe so they could take it downstairs. He would have simply levitated it, but Marge was visiting for Easter. "For one thing, I've got students of all ages to work with at once, which is a very different set up from my typical classroom. For another, they're all there voluntarily and actually want to learn how to fight. The trick has been figuring out how to do that effectively with such a large and diverse group in terms of skill level and experience."
"It's all about making sure the basic techniques are drilled into them so well they can actually think about what their next move should be once they're in the ring, rather than wasting thought power on how to do it," Vernon said knowledgeably. For the first time in... ever... Severus and Vernon genuinely had common ground to talk about that wasn't just Vernon's wife and children. Vernon had been a champion boxer all through his school years from the age of nine, and captain of the team at Smeltings for the last two of them. He had a lot of interest and strong opinions when it came to the best way to run a combat-based sporting class.
"That was certainly the focus of our first month," Severus agreed. "Basic attacks, basic defenses, and footwork."
"Yes, footwork! The beginners always underestimate the importance of the lower half of the body when they're just thinking about what to do with their arms."
"You would have laughed at the demonstration match at the first meeting," Severus told him. "I took six on one - the students I trusted the most not to be completely irresponsible idiots. They weren't bad, for students, but I used only the most basic techniques and still won, mostly because I know how to move when I'm fighting, and they really, really didn't."
"Well, and you also know the forms - what attacks usually or best follow what defense, and how to shake 'em up creatively. It's just as much about putting them on the wrong foot."
"Quite. Anyway, I started incorporating sparring and one or two demonstration duels towards the end of every session this month. The sparring has stricter safety rules than a competition duel would, that way I can use the upper years to help moderate the lower years' matches, and the prefects to moderate the upper years' matches."
"It sounds like a fair system, given what you've got to work with. Be better if you had an assistant coach, of course. Through that door. We'll leave it in the garage." Severus surreptitiously opened the door to the garage with a little wandless magic, since Marge was not in eyesight. Certainly in earshot in the kitchen though, loudly cooing over Harry and Dudley, and over Petunia's growing baby bump.
They deposited the red-and-yellow bedframe against the wall of the garage and headed back upstairs so Vernon could show Severus where he wanted cushioning charms and child alarm spells. "It's working fairly well. Mostly. The only problems so far are certain sixth- and seventh-year agitators getting a little too cocky about their own abilities after getting the chance to square off against an actual opponent."
"What's your plan for them?"
"Well, if they overtly break any of the club safety rules, or are caught fighting in the halls outside of class, there's a mandatory suspension from the club. Only had to do that once so far, fortunately. I also went up against two of them myself for the demonstration duels at the most recent meeting to take them down a few pegs."
"Risky, that. Boys like that, hard to teach them respect for their coach or for the sport itself. If you give them an inch, they'll take a mile."
"Believe me, I know."
"I hope you beat them, then."
"Trounced them thoroughly." He said it matter-of-factly, not boastfully. It wasn't exactly impressive to best students in one-on-one duels, even seventh years. It had been fun, though. He had toyed with them with a completely nonverbal barrage of seventh year spells for several minutes each, wearing them out. The floor he kept shattering with Reductor curses, the pieces reduplicating with Geminio into mounds of shifting gravel, and he had littered the area with low, completely solid but also perfectly invisible imperturbable charms. It was visually impressive, but it was all damage he could easily undo in seconds after the duel was over. Towards the end, both boys were blinded with Lumos Solem, bleeding from gouging curses, tripping constantly, and panting for breath. He finally took down the two Gryffindors with a single stunner and a disarming charm, respectively.
"Well, they'll either hate you for that, or with luck, you'll have earned their grudging respect."
"Hopefully the latter. I used some flashier techniques to do it this time." He was hopeful that the very fact he had bothered to use more advanced magic against them would go some way to flatter their egos rather than feed worsening resentment. He had also personally attended to their minor injuries afterwards and given them private advice for how to improve their dueling skills. Even if they doubled down in their loathing of the Slytherin Bat though, he didn't really care. He'd just throw them out of the club if they continued to disrespect him. "At least the suspense will kill me faster than they will."
Vernon laughed.
"Vernon, Joseph," Marge called. "I'm taking the boys for a walk around the neighborhood. Petunia wants you, Joseph, when you're done up there." She headed down the hall, dog at her heels. Two little, prattling boys ran after her.
Severus smiled briefly at the sound of trotting feet before following Vernon into the boys' room. There, Vernon directed him to place cushioning charms all around the bunk beds. He added an alarm spell to the upper bunk to let either Vernon or Petunia know if someone was attempting to climb the ladder. Finally, he scratched a tiny set of runes into the pillars supporting the upper bunk to create a weak deceleration ward, in order to slow a fall enough that together with the cushioning charms, the risk for broken bones and addled heads in this room was practically nil. Vernon had him place a few cushioning charms around the cradle in the nursery as well. Then Severus headed downstairs, leaving Vernon to finish rearranging the nursery furniture to his heart's content.
"Petunia," Severus greeted her in the kitchen. He studied her a moment. He'd barely had time to say hello earlier before first the boys pounced on him, then Marge butted in, then finally Vernon commandeered his services. Pregnancy suited her, he thought. Her belly had obviously grown, but so had the warm, magical glow he had first seen several months ago. Her eyes were bright, her hair thicker and more lustrous than usual. She looked happy, and he was glad for her. Severus realized he was staring and looked around the room instead, taking in the array of paints, dyes, crayons, and a few damaged hard-boiled eggs spread all over the counter and some on the floor. He raised an eyebrow and looked back up at her. He was a little surprised she was so happy, given the mess. She usually hated messes. "How can I help?"
"Well, we need to clean up a bit, or we'll never make it to lunch, and we need to hide eggs in the yard for the boys to find. Which do you want to do?"
Severus nodded seriously. "Right. Do you mind if I clean this up... efficiently?"
She smiled, sat down on one of the chairs carelessly pulled out from the table, and gestured expansively for him to proceed. "Usually, yes I would mind, but today, since it's just us in the kitchen and my ankles are already starting to swell after being on my feet all morning... not so much. Have at it."
With her blessing secured, he took out his wand and cast a few household charms. The bits of egg and shell all floated over to the bin. The cups of dye emptied themselves in the sink, washed themselves, and lined up on the dish rack to drain. The drips and stains of pigment vanished. The crayons and other craft supplies returned to their boxes and stacked themselves neatly.
Petunia watched it all with interest. "Thanks. I really could get used to that."
"Any time. And by that I mean any time that does not violate the Statute of Secrecy while Harry is young enough not to risk sanctioning for underage magic, since the Ministry of Magic doesn't know I know you and I'd prefer to keep it that way indefinitely." Certainly so long as there remained any question of the Dark Lord coming back.
Petunia sighed wistfully, then shrugged. "I like cleaning the normal way anyway, so it's not that great a loss. Let's go to the garden." She picked up two boxes of painted eggs, handed one to him, and led the way out the door.
"How's your stomach holding up at this point, Petunia? Did the soother I made you help?" he asked.
"It did, wonderfully. I've been craving Chinese food and curries frequently for the last few months, and now that the heartburn is gone, I'm back to indulging the cravings as much as I want. At this point, it's just the swollen ankles and the backaches from standing around too much that bother me."
"Things I don't have good pregnancy-safe potions for, unfortunately. You'll just have to find more excuses to sit back and put your feet up."
"I might, if I didn't have two four-year-old terrors to run around after every day."
He chuckled in sympathy for her plight. "Alas, you are at an impasse. Have you settled on a name yet?" he asked while peering around for good hiding places. "I was going to ask Vernon, but I got distracted." Unfortunately, the garden was still pretty bare, hardly any of the plants leafing out yet. Fallow dirt and bare twigs made terrible hiding places. He'd have to be creative.
"You two did seem to be having an unusually lively conversation," Petunia observed. "As for names, I'm currently torn between Dahlia and Violet. Vernon likes both those as well, but he's rather fond of Heather at the moment. He liked what you said about all its meanings." Independence, happiness, and good luck, primarily. Plus smelled lovely and made excellent honey that was used as a stabilizer in felix felicis amongst other potions.
"All good options," he agreed.
"We're still lost on middle names, though. There's no family traditions to help us choose, and I don't want to give her two flower names..."
"Well, think of what her initials will be, then think of how each name will sound alongside any of your three possible third names, and then if I may be so bold, consult me about hidden meanings of your top picks."
"You make it sound easy," she complained.
"Well, the good news is you've still got... what is it, two and a half months to think about it?"
"Yes. And Sev, if you hide an egg that well, that high up in a tree, it will never be found again. Remember that Harry and Dudley are only four," Petunia said with a light laugh. Severus looked over at her. She was "hiding" her basket of Easter eggs in such places as behind the wheelbarrow, next to Dudley's peddle car, and right in the middle of the lawn that was only starting to turn green.
"They can still find them with their eyes," Severus countered. He had faith in the boys' creativity and determination. They would find the egg in the tree eventually, just as they would find the ones he had stuck inside the watering can and in an odd niche he'd discovered where the garden wall met the hedge.
"Even if their eyes are only three feet off the ground?"
Severus paused, checking to see that there was indeed an angle in the garden from which the egg he had just placed in Petunia's maple tree would be visible from such a low position. There... was. So it was still fair. He grinned at her. "They'll appreciate the challenge."
"They'll get frustrated and start whining if the Easter Egg hunt takes too long," she predicted.
"We can always give them a hint to look up if they don't think of it themselves." He pushed his next egg lightly into the upper branches of the hedge until the twigs mostly concealed the bright blue color. From below, the color might be mistaken for the sky.
"They'll want to actually pick the eggs up by themselves too, you know."
"Then they can ask me, or Vernon, to pick them up so they can reach it," Severus replied good-naturedly. He was enjoying the petty argument. "It will teach them about both the satisfaction of exercising their developing independence and about appropriate appeals to authority."
Petunia snorted at that. "Ooh, look at you with your fancy psychology speak. Good to know you do in fact read all those books I send you."
"Most of them," Severus agreed.
"Have they been helpful at all?"
"Definitely. You'll be happy to know I even broke into Minerva's office the other night to consult one of the ones about adolescent relationships I... lent to her."
Petunia laughed out loud. "By 'lent,' do you mean 'anonymously dumped on her' along with all the other sex education books?"
"Possibly."
"I wondered whether something like that might happen, particularly since you never mentioned anything you had read from those particular books after I gave them to you. It's alright, I don't mind. I'm sure your Deputy Headmistress will put them to good use. And I'll bite: what was going on you felt the need to steal the book back after all?"
"Career counseling for the fifth years. The sessions are... revealing." And a good reminder he had a long way to go to rehabilitate Slytherin House. It was different, meeting with all the students in the year, not just the noise-makers.
"Oh yes?"
"Well, take for instance the girl I was talking to that led me to reclaim the reference from Minerva. One of my prefects. Bright girl, really, from a struggling family. I met with her at the beginning of the year as well, and she still has the same goals as then, to become a successful homemaker. She's certainly focusing on the right subjects for homesteading: herbology, charms, potions, and care of magical creatures. But, she really struggles with potions, enough I might not be able to accept her into the N.E.W.T. class. And if she only takes those four subjects to N.E.W.T. she'll be limiting her own career opportunities if she ever decides she does want or need to work outside the home."
"What else would you have her take?"
"Transfiguration, which is actually her second-best subject and difficult enough it could open a lot of doors for her in the job market, and Defense Against the Dark Arts."
"How many careers is that required for?" Petunia asked. She set her last egg down at the edge of a flower bed, straightened up, and rubbed her back.
Severus paused. "Well, not that many, honestly, but it's the principle of the thing. I don't want her to end up in a position where she needed to be better at defense, and wasn't. But, she expects to learn all she needs from the Dueling Club, which she is at least determined to keep up with."
"So, she has more confidence in you than she does in the curriculum, eh? That's speaks well of your club, then, Sev. I'm still waiting to hear the bit about relationship advice, though."
Severus grimaced slightly and stuck his last yellow Easter Egg into a cluster of daffodils just starting to bloom. "Can you think of no reason a homemaker would benefit from advanced self-defense training?"
"...Ah. How bad is her boyfriend?"
"He has issues. I didn't realize they had started dating until this week." He knew exactly why Erica had fallen for Dirk Prentiss, unfortunately: he was good-looking, and she felt sorry for him. He told her in no uncertain terms that wanting to take care of the unfortunate was not a solid foundation for a successful romantic relationship. Maybe Dirk would get his act together by the time Erica was ready to graduate Hogwarts, or maybe the very new relationship would fizzle out in the meantime, but Severus could imagine a world where determined, hard-working Erica ended up married too young to Dirk or someone similar, only to lose the romance to the bottle and end up both the primary breadwinner of the family and under constant threat from an abusive spouse. And it could be worse for her than it ever had been for Eileen, married to a wizard who could curse her right back. "I am hopeful for him, but he needs to focus on his own problems before seriously considering a significant other. And she needs to pick someone better adjusted when the time comes that she's actually ready to marry."
"Which is young in your world," Petunia said cannily. After all, Lily had married at eighteen.
"Exactly."
"That would be a tricky conversation." She gestured for them to return to the house, and they sat down together in the sun room.
"It was. She wasn't the only one. A lot of the purebloods are so extremely conscious of their blood status, ordinary dating becomes horrendously stressful, as they try to navigate not only their hormones and personal feelings but also the school dynamics and their family's politics. Not to mention the other prefect of that year, whose guardians just recently arranged a betrothal for him." Personally, Severus thought it was terrible timing for them to spring that on Felix right when he was supposed to be ramping up studying for O.W.L.s.
"Wizards still do that?"
"He's Sacred Twenty-Eight, basically nobility in our world. Family's very old, very rich, very politically powerful, at least on the continent." Very blood-prejudiced, though Felix himself seemed apolitical.
"And how old is he?"
"Sixteen."
"Poor thing. So, what's a boy like that go on to study after this year?"
"He's actually the top of the class, should have been in Ravenclaw if his family were any other. He's the heir to the British line, and his father died in the war so he'll inherit next year. As you might imagine, his course has already been set for him. Pretty much all the heirs in his position take the same N.E.W.T.s if they've got the grades: Charms, Defense, History of Magic, Ancient Runes, Astronomy, and usually the Art senior elective. At least, the ones in Slytherin do, where the families tend to be more controlling. If they fail at too many of those courses in their O.W.L.s, then they add one or two of the others back in." Transfiguration preferred over Arithmancy, preferred over Potions, preferred over Herbology. Of course, Transfiguration and Arithmancy were two of the most technical classes in Hogwarts, hence why Augusta was still in his potions class after a mere 'Acceptable' in her Defense O.W.L. Ironically, her potions N.E.W.T. score might actually improve over her O.W.L., since she seemed to learn the material better when she wasn't being pressured and stressed about the subject by her family. Or maybe that was his curriculum improvements.
"Not much overlap with that other student who was interested in homesteading," Petunia observed.
Severus sneered. "No, the highborn have little use for 'hands-on' subjects, as a rule. The exceptions are those for whom breeding of certain magical organisms or potions patents are a major part of the family business, neither of which applies to Felix. A shame, really, as the boy excels at both Herbology and Potions. The rules of tradition can be a real burden for heirs like him that actually care about their schoolwork."
"Well, can't he keep taking both of those as well, if he's so smart as you say?"
"He'd certainly enjoy advanced potions more than painting," Severus agreed. "Or history for that matter, since the quality of teaching in that subject has... declined at Hogwarts. And actually, yes, he can and I think will. I pointed out he's in a somewhat unusual position as an Heir to one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight with a guardian council rather than parents or grandparents breathing down his neck. Since he doesn't live with his guardians or correspond with them much except for business and major holidays, he could easily apply to continue his favorite classes in addition to the politically beneficial ones. His guardians won't know until partway through the year so long as he keeps his grades up, and then he'll come into his inheritance in the autumn before they can do anything about it."
"He doesn't live with his guardians? Why ever not?"
Because almost all the British Rosiers had been incarcerated or killed in the war, as had the Blacks, Felix' closest relatives. Both the boy's godparents had likewise died in the war. By all rights, he should have grown up in the Malfoy household under his cousin Narcissa's guardianship, but that had been untenable at the time Felix had been orphaned because the Malfoys were under scrutiny for Death Eater activity themselves. And of course, Andromeda Black had married a muggleborn, unacceptably. He still had to live in Britain and attend Hogwarts, according to his father's will, so the French branch of the Rosier family had set up a guardianship council for him and left him in the care of family servants. "Lawyers and politics," he eventually answered Petunia.
"I'll say it again: poor thing."
"Quite. I told him he is still allowed to enjoy his own life, even if his career as an heir is already fully plotted. It's perfectly respectable for a family head to have an academic hobby." Petrus Parkinson had taken it even further with his Hogwarts professorship, though he wasn't the head of the main Parkinson line, and he only accepted that position after his son had taken over a great many of the family's business affairs for him anyway. "Other than those two, the most frustrating counseling sessions were the ones who have either no idea as to what they want to do in life or just no perspective as to what constitutes an achievable goal. There were way too many of those, particularly for House Slytherin. It was a little depressing."
The most distressing interview was with a half-blood son of a Knockturn Alley squib, Quentin Diablo, who fully expected to return to Knockturn Alley and scrape a living no better than his mother's. Severus couldn't help but ask Quentin how the hell he had ended up in Slytherin in the first place if he not only wasn't pureblood but also didn't want to make anything of his life. He was sorry to discover that the child had faced severe bullying from upper year Slytherins all through his first four years at Hogwarts, some just as bad as Severus had dealt with as a student. The main difference was Quentin's tormenters were always careful to confine their activities to the dormitories and not to leave any marks, a silent sin so far as the staff were concerned. It had thoroughly broken the spirit and hopes he used to have that Hogwarts would be different from what he was used to at home. Even when the bullying had largely stopped with the changes Severus had enacted this year via Gwenog and Augusta, and with the graduation of two key perpetrators, Quentin was still left with absolutely no friends and no clear prospects. He was an average student who had learned to keep his head down too well: he had never once come to Severus' attention throughout the year. The only times the bullying showed up in Petrus' files were a few times in first year and once when Erica had brought it up with Gwenog last year. Erica hadn't known the details though, and Quentin told Petrus the incident in question "wasn't a big deal." Quentin was just...invisible to the staff, and very, very obviously depressed. Severus had told the boy to think about his favorite subjects and report back to Severus' office again in a week so they could talk again. Severus would request tea and cake from the kitchens for the occasion. If sugar and company didn't work to perk the lad up, he would make him see Pomphrey too.
"Severus?"
He startled and looked over at Petunia, who was watching him. "What?"
"You looked like you were thinking about something upsetting."
He sighed. "I was."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Just then, he caught the sound of Harry's bright voice drifting over from the road. He smiled faintly. "Maybe later. I think the egg-hunters are back. No need to ruin the holiday."
The Easter Egg hunt was a marvelous success. The boys found all of Petunia's eggs fairly quickly. Petunia sensed exactly when Dudley started to become frustrated with the difficulty of finding the ones Severus had hidden and started giving him hints. Harry was the first one to notice an egg up on the kitchen windowsill, far out of his reach. His first impulse was obviously to reach and jump for it, which probably would have triggered a little accidental magic to summon the egg to him. Since Marge was here, Severus quickly walked over and picked him up instead so he could reach it. Severus then ended up carrying Harry all around the garden on his shoulders, the boy happily searching the trees and hedge and pointing out eggs for Severus to hand up to him. Dudley found most of Severus' eggs on the ground, and Harry found all of the ones higher up. The only one that stumped them was the one in the chink in the wall, which Marge's dog ended up finding and eating.
The Easter luncheon was a little less pleasant. Marge apparently overheard Severus chatting with Vernon about the most recent Dueling Club meeting earlier that morning. Mindful of Marge's presence downstairs, he had taken care to couch his words in non-magical language, but that meant she now concluded he had taken up the post of fencing instructor as well as chemistry professor at "that posh private boarding school." Although she voiced the opinion that fencing was vastly inferior to boxing when it came to men's fighting sports, she still enthusiastically approved of this new aspect of his/"Joseph's" character. It was off-putting, especially after she sampled a tumbler or two of brandy and started making suggestive comments about liking to see him wield his sword one day, long after the general conversation had moved on to other topics. Luckily, Vernon shut her down at that point by asking for Severus' assistance in moving even more furniture around upstairs. Severus agreed instantly. The two of them shoved a dresser back and forth across the room for awhile, idly talking about fighting strategies, remarkably similar in both magical battles and fisticuffs.
They finally broke off when Petunia came up to put the boys down for their nap and let them know Marge was taking a nap on the couch as well.
Author's note: Sorry, Marge will always find a way to be The Worst. I contemplated actually writing scenes of Severus doing career counseling, but then I came to my senses. If you're questioning my logic about the standard pureblood electives, I based them on what would have been the educational standards for the nobility around the time of the implementation of the Statute of Secrecy in the late 1600s, assuming they would have learned manners, reading, writing, dancing, and modern languages at home prior to starting Hogwarts. Ancient Runes is a natural extension of language study, History of Magic is the closest Hogwarts comes to any kind of political science class, art/painting and portraiture obviously has more upper class appeal, Astronomy has the longest and grandest academic tradition of all, Charms is the most practical, and Defense is an obvious choice if you're going to have family feuds and things. While math/arithmancy is respectable and is probably one of the standard third-fifth year electives, it's too complicated to make it the standard N.E.W.T. for the Sacred Twenty-Eight heirs, who are required to excel in whatever they do or else. Meanwhile, education of the nobility in biology and chemistry did not become vogue until the 1700s and 1800s, after the wizarding society had already partitioned itself out and started drifting apart from muggle civilization. As an aside, under this schema the reason Draco Malfoy took Care of Magical Creatures was because his family raises Abraxans (huge flying horses), and probably other valuable magical livestock.
Thank you for the reviews, and will continue with Sunday updates.