They had been playing a car racer game for fifty minutes. Shinji hadn't won a single match yet.

"Eat shit, Third Child! I've trained on this game for years, you're never going to catch up!"

"We'll see about that!" A beat. "Come on, I just had that!"

"Hahaha, maybe if you weren't such an idiot, you'd have been able to see the shell coming!"

"Screw you!"

"Bleeeeeh!"

Asuka stuck her tongue out. Shinji took that as a challenge, slamming the button on the controller to accelerate. The finish line was close at hand, he just needed to get past Asuka's car. She was close, close, close, close-

"NO!"

His side of the screen proudly displayed DEFEAT over his character. Shinji threw the controller into the floor, while Asuka jumped up and howled in victory.

"Ha! In your face, Shinji Ikari! I win again, hahahahahaha!"

She did a small dance across the room, shaking her butt in such a way that only added to Shinji's frustration. In the end, he just sighed and picked up the controller to put it back on top of the console.

"I don't think I like this game."

"You said that about every game. Maybe you can stand to lose every once in a while!"

"Yeah? Well…" Shinji scratched his chin. "I still beat you in the Eva."

She flipped him off, before shutting off the TV. "Just like you to say. Like a cornered rat, you can't stand when people call you out on your bullshit."

"Pft. Like you're any better." Shinji rolled his eyes. "Any snacks?"

Asuka tossed him a bag of chips, which Shinji was quick to grab. He tore the bag apart and devoured the contents.

"Mmm, mmmm."

"Save some for me, idiot!"

"Get your own."

"You that about my bag!"

"Now it's mine."

"No."

"Yes."

Shinji blew a raspberry. Asuka rolled her eyes.

"You're such a brat when you're not being sulky."

He shrugged, continuing to munch on the chips. They say on their bean bag chairs as the sun burned through the window. Asuka's eyes scrunched in contemplation.

"Hmmmm… Hey Shinji…"

Shinji looked at her. "Yeah?"

"You ever wondered why the Angels come?"

He blinked, before shaking his head. "Not really." He scratched the back of his head. "I mean, the manual said they were Adam's children, so I figured they were getting revenge for him."

"I guess that makes sense." Asuka said craning her neck. "They know exactly why they fight. There's a purity in that."

The word choice raised Shinji's eyebrows. "Are you going somewhere with this?"

Asuka darted her eyes to the left.

"I pilot the Eva for the approval of others. Sure, I don't want to die. I hate the thought of my life being in someone else's hands or being taken by a monster. But the main reason is so I can be the best. I don't need any other reason."

She raised a finger at Shinji. "What about you?"

"Me?"

"Why are you here? From what you told me, you were blackmailed into this life so it's not like you have a choice. That's fine. But do you have a reason for fighting besides that? Do you simply not want to die?"

Shinji opened his mouth, only to shut it. He processed Asuka's question in his head, running in circles to answer. To his disappointment, he couldn't say he had a profound or even self-servicing reason for his piloting. He'd rather eat glass than win his father's approval. He didn't enjoy piloting the way Asuka did, or nor did he want to be better than anyone. Asuka is so confident in herself, but he didn't have any one thing that drove him. At least, not at the moment.

In the end, to answer her question he settled on:

"I guess I just don't want to die. There isn't any more to it than that."

Nodding her head, Asuka grabbed a can of soda and drank from it.

"There are worse reasons I can think of."

The front door slid open. Ryoji Kaji entered the room, a dance in his step in keeping with his usual care-free attitude.

"Hey fellas. Did I miss the big game? Let me guess, Shinji lost."

"Kajiiiiii~" Asuka ran over and hugged him. "I knew you'd come! You missed me beating the idiot again."

Shinji rolled his eyes. Asuka had a one track mind regarding Kaji, no doubt fueled by the lack of options on the base. Any time the man showed up, Asuka's incredible mind plummets to the negative numbers and clings onto him flies to a lamp. How could someone like her, an impressive soldier and pilot, shifts her mood like crazy?

'Come to think of it, Misato is sort of the same way with me.'

She certainly didn't let up since that day he met the Sub-Commander. Thankfully now that he had his leg fixed he could be left alone in the changing room, but Misato spent quite an amount of time with him rather than someone like Dr. Akagi or Kaji himself. She said she was worried, but there was no reason for it! He was fine. Are women so clingy? Or is there something he just didn't get?

He didn't have time to think on that, as Kaji snapped his fingers to grab their attention.

"Thankfully you're both here, so I can tell you. You guys are needed for a special assignment."

"Ohhhh a special assignment!" Asuka clapped her hands. "Count me, I'll do anything!"

"I'm sure you would." Kaji kept his smooth smirk. "See, Misato has been promoted."

Asuka's mood dampened. "Oh. Her."

"Knock it off, Asuka. Misato has been promoted from Captain to Major due to her contributions to fighting the Angels. With the Commander and Sub-Commander on a trip to Antartica, I want us to throw a party for her. Asuka, you're going to get party favors from the mall."

"Darn it." Asuka slammed her foot to the floor. "If it's you, it's okay!"

"What do you want me to do, Kaji?" Shinji raised an eyebrow. "I might be able to cook a cake.

"Nah, you don't need to do that." Kaji winked. "You're going to keep Misa-chan busy."

"Am I?"

"Realistically, you're the only one who could. She's never happy to see me and yet she's all over you like catnip. Why, I'd say I'm a little jealous~"

"That's… umm.." Shinji's face flushed, trying to ignore memories of a kiss. "… That's not a good thing…"

"Do tell." Kaji patted his shoulder. "Whatever you gotta do to keep her out of the base. Just a couple of hours or three."

The thought of being alone with Misato filled Shinji with dread and something else. A skip in his heart that he couldn't identify. For as much as he ragged on Misato for being intrusive, he found himself unable to stop thinking about her. Shinji agreed to the request.

"I don't have a choice then. I'll do it,."

"Excellent." Kaji took his bag. "Can I get your chips? Too late, gottem."

Shinji went back to his room. One swipe, and he was inside.

At least Misato was easy to find. When she wasn't working in her office, she lounged around in the couch wearing her typical sleeveless black dress. She was applying lipstick, much to Shinji's confusion. Was she going out somewhere? Who was she going to impress?

"Hey Misato."

Misato perked up at his voice, grinning. "Oh? Oh Shinji!"

She placed the lipstick inside her pocket, sitting upright. She rubbed her eyes before turning to fully face Shinji.

"What's up?"

"I, um, well…" Shinji swallowed a lump in his throat. "I'd like it if we went outside."

"Huh? Perfect!" Misato blinked, as if a fuse lit up inside her head. "Anywhere you'd like to go?"

Shinji realized he didn't have a plan for what they were going to be doing once they left. Kaji explained to him they needed more than four hours. At this, Shinji thought of anywhere they would be able to stay for about that length.

"Maybe we can um…" Shinji scratched his chin. Suddenly, he snapped his fingers and remembered. "What about that view? You know, the one you showed me after you picked me up from the hospital?"

"That one? Ooooh~" Misato licked her lips. "Feeling nostalgic, aren't ya Shinji?"

"I liked it when we were there. Where else to celebrate, right?"

Shinji blushed, realizing he wasn't lying when he said it. Misato was already on the move, grabbing her red jacket from the floor.

"Alright! I'm driving!"

Not too long after, they took the lift and drove around town. In order to avoid suspicion, they took one of the Section-2 mandated cars with one way mirror windows. They could see out, but no one could see in. As they drove around the city, Shinji couldn't help but look at the outside with disdain. He passed by a street corner where he was mugged. He truly thought he would embrace his role as Tokyo-3's protector, but instead he was betrayed the moment his identity became public.

'Imagine if Section-2 didn't rescue me.' Shinji thought. 'Sometimes, it feels like Misato is the only one who cares.'

Well, her and Asuka. Shinji was grateful for Asuka, if only because she didn't treat him like a baby case the way Misato would. The insults never seriously affected him. Instead, it just reminded Shinji of who and what he was. He was an idiot and occasionally a coward and pervert. Misato didn't see that for some reason.

'Maybe Misato cares about you despite that. Maybe she just likes you.'

Shinji tried to ignore the voice in his head. He didn't want to hear it, the possibility is too unbelievable to him.

'Literally how? She defended you, she makes sure to help you, make you feel welcome and hugs you. Only Mother ever gave us that, can't you see that?'

He resented her. He wanted her to leave him alone.

'No you don't. You're deluding yourself if you truly think that.'

"Hey, my sweet little Shinji-kun!"

"Hm?"

"This trip wouldn't happen to have anything to do with my promotion."

'Oh no! How?!' Shinji did a poor job keep the surprise out of his voice. "I don't know what you mean?"

"Relax." Misato laughed. 'You don't normally do this sort of thing on your own."

It was true enough, Shinji supposed. She knew him well enough to realize that. However, for some reason he couldn't he shake the hurt he felt from hearing her say that.

"Spill. Who put you up to this?"

"Well, Kaji wanted to do something nice for you." Shinji shrugged. "We're going to throw you a party."

"How thoughtful of him." Misato sighed. "Well at any rate, we should probably give them time. How many hours?"

"Four."

"That's why you asked me for this. Well, here we go."

Shinji didn't say anything. Shame began to build in his heart, even though he refused to acknowledge why.

After a couple of hours, they travelled along the mountain side road as they did before. They stepped out of the car, watching over Tokyo-3 like they did before. Leaning on the rail, Shinji felt an odd nostalgia and a slow burn resentment. He hadn't had many opportunities to be outside, but even he knew the city's view didn't feel as magical as when he first arrived. All that happened left him with a nasty impression of Tokyo-3, a glorified toy-box for NERV to kill Angels with. The only part of that initial trip that didn't make him upset was…

Well, he was standing next to her wasn't he? He smiled at Misato, who was continuing to admire the view.

"Nice to be back."

"Me too." Misato said softly. "It's been so long. Getting cooked up in a place can be bad for the mind."

"I wouldn't have agreed with you before." Shinji shrugged. "But, I think you're right. It feels good to be here with you."

"Wow." She shook her head in excitement. "Can't believe you're actually listening to me."

"I always listen to you."

"You do. Yes, you do that a lot don't you?"

"…"

"I'm glad we came out here. Something's been on my mind lately. Will you listen to me, Shinji? Just for a moment?"

"Sure?"

Misato turned to the railway. Shinji couldn't help but notice the way her hands clenched the railing, her eyes burning with furious anger.

"I've never told you why I came to NERV. More importantly, why I hate the Angels."

He had wondered about that. He didn't Misato would tell him anything about it.

"W-Well, because of Second Impact right?"

That had to be it. Misato said she was rendered catatonic after that event. Clearly she wanted revenge for them stealing her childhood. For scarring her body, making her hate herself. Shinji's eyes darted to her waist, and Misato seemed to where his train of thought was leading him.

"Yeah, Second Impact took everything from me. Not just my voice, the scar, but also… my dad."

"Your dad?"

"I wasn't at home during Second Impact. I was at ground zero when it happened."

Shinji gapsed. He let her continue, his attention firmly set.

"My dad was a scientist, you see. He took me with him on the expedition, said he wanted to show me the future of mankind."

She let out a hollow, bitter laugh.

"Well… he was sort of right. In our ignorance, we unleashed a monster that changed the world forever. So much like Dad to act like he knew everything, but he never truly understood. He wasn't gentle like his co-workers said, he was weak and pathetic, too cowardly to be as evil as he could be. When he couldn't get what he wanted, he'd toss us aside like trash. He did that to Mom when she wouldn't put up with his garbage anymore, so he turned to-"

A pause. For the first time, Shinji witnessed an expression of horrible, painful sorrow erupt from Misato's face.

"He turned to… me." Her words were laced with anguish. "He used me, just to feel better about myself. He acted ashamed alright, maybe he was, but he gave in again and again and again and I went along with whatever he told me to do just so I can feel loved. I laughed when mother divorced him yet I still went to him every other day. Even when I did everything right, he never said what I really wanted him to say."

Finally, the dam broke. Her tears fell and her breath became sharper.

"Dad never told me he loved me. No one ever has, and I doubt anyone ever will. Am I that unlovable, Shinji? Just a dirty whore that opens up to anyone? What am I…?"

Shinji was so shocked at what he was hearing. How could Misato have this much self-doubt? She was a strong woman, even in her moments of weakness. How could this have happened?"

"No one told you?" He asked. "Not even Kaji?"

"No, Shinji. Not even him." Misato shook her head. "Why would he say that? I'm just a rotten slut as far as he knows. I threw him away just like Dad did, I hurt him just to keep him away. If I weren't so pathetic. I'd be fighting the Angels to save humanity but instead I'm fighting for my father. I won't ever be free from him no matter how much I try and I'm twisting on the inside just…"

Shinji watched her bare her soul. She cried on the railing, trying and failing to keep herself together in front of him. All the while he just stood to her side unable to provide the slightest words of comfort. What could he say to her? He hated seeing her in pain, but he was helpless to do anything.

'You're just saying that to avoid getting hurt. You are a coward. Say something!'

Despite the protests, Shinji didn't. He stood for longer than half an hour watching Misato even as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Sorry you had to see that. I haven't quite been feeling myself lately. Thanks for listening."

Forgiveness. So easy for her to excuse him from his lack of involvement. Shinji's shame grew as Misato entered the car.

"Come on. We got a party to attend."

He took a minute or two before he followed her in. They were silent on the road back. By the time they reached the lift, it was more than a couple of hours. Once they approached their door, Misato gave Shinji a mischievous grin that signaled I'm gonna pretend to be surprised, don't ruin it. He didn't, just letting her open the door.

"SURPRISE!"

It wasn't much of a party, Shinji decided as he saw who was invited. Kaji, Dr. Akagi, the lieutenant man with glasses and Asuka were the only ones to show up. Pen-Pen could hardly be considered a guest since he lived here. Then again, it wasn't like Shinji knew a lot of people, but he was surprised Misato didn't seem to have a social life either. Was that why she hung around him? Just to get some company?

Weirded out by such a preposterous idea, Shinji took his seat around the table while Misato went on to talk to the adults. He had no business in their affairs and frankly he had no idea what he would even talk about. He wasn't a genius or went to college. That was Asuka, who sat to his right while Pen-Pen played around in the carpet.

"Kaji's focusing on Misato again." Asuka spoke her name with disdain. 'What is it about Misato, anyway? I'm perky and strong, I'm sexy. Why can't Kaji notice me? Misato won't give him the time of day."

"Maybe he likes the challenge?"

"Men. Complete idiots, I say. They'd rather go for a weak woman than someone like me."

Shinji didn't feel like arguing, even though he didn't keep the anger out of his voice as he spoke.

"She's holding herself together better than me. You don't know anything."

"I know enough. Bah! Compared to you, she's made of glass. I'm pretty sure she pulls out all the plans from her ass."

"She's not made of glass." Shinji shook his head. "She's just smart, like you. She's… she's…"

What did he think of her?

He turned his stare toward Misato, laughing with Dr. Akagi over some factoid he hadn't heard. Just about a couple of hours ago she wept and now she acted like nothing happened. She was strong, but she projected that strength over her own frail insecurity. There was so much she locked away even from him. Dreams she never had the chance to fulfill. Words she never got to hear.

Misato was an arrangement of conflicting ideas, but at the core of it was a girl who didn't want to be alone. A girl who wanted someone to love her so badly she would sacrifice everything for them, even her own dignity. She showed her scar to him and was so grateful at his perceived lack of judgement she played with and kissed him. Yet she shrunk away when other people got too close, she lashed out and hurt them to keep her heart protected.

'She is… like… me.'

The realization hit like a stone to the water. The ripple effect awakened feelings inside of Shinji. First, it was an elation he never thought he would have in his lifetime. She took to him because she was much like himself and understood, even knowing he was a coward because she felt the same way about herself. Shinji realized what a miracle he stumbled across, and kicked himself in the head a thousand times for not realizing it sooner.

The second emotion he felt was an every burning rage. An irrational hatred came over Shinji when he saw Kaji grab Misato's shoulder, her slapping his hand away. He was an adult, a man who had Misato at one point. How could a wiser, more intelligent person like Kaji not notice the turmoil Misato felt in her heart? Shinji thought Misato was using him, and perhaps she was, but now he truly wondered what Kaji might have been thinking that night. Was he using her too, like her father?

Misato was his girlfriend, yet he never told her the words that she wanted, no, needed to hear. Shinji was a child, he wasn't in any position to give it to her. Kaji was, and yet she felt so hopeless that she threw him out.

His father leaving him in the train station.

"Father, don't leave me! Please, don't go! I'll be good! Just don't leave me! FATHER!"

Turned away by his teacher the moment he arrived at the house.

Only pictures of mother to give him comfort.

Shinji was tired of how useless he felt. Shinji didn't want to be like the Sub-Commander, tolerating someone for a shared goal. He didn't want to be his father or Misato's father. He wanted, more than anything, to truly show her how he felt. What was it that she told him?

His attention was only momentarily broken when Asuka waved her hand over his eyes.

"Shinji, are you even paying attention? Shinji? What are you thinking?"

She felt the change before she saw it. The way his posture stilled and his eyes narrowed.

"I mustn't run away…"

With that, Shinji forced himself to walk. He ignored Asuka's questions, marching his feet over to Misato on the other side of the room. His legs wobbled and his heart pounded but Shinji did his best to ignore his weakness. Sure enough, Misato was sitting comfortably on the couch's side, enjoying another can of beer. Ritsuko scoffed.

"We got champagne and yet you drink the cheap stuff. Really?"

"Hey, it's just a promotion. No big deal."

Misato noticed Shinji's approached. She smiled even as she asked why he seemed so determined.

"Hey Shinji. What's up-"

Her words were cut off as Shinji wrapped his arms around her in a tight hug. He pressed his whole body to her, his head on top of her shoulder, his mind in utter disarray the entire time. The simple touch of her scar made her happy, so this should be what she wanted. He hoped this was the case.

Shinji tried to ignore the stares and questions from everyone else in the room, Kaji and Ritsuko being the most in shock from the display. Even Misato couldn't keep the surprise from her voice.

"S-Shinji?" She flushed at the contact. "What's up with this?"

He tried to gather the words. They were stuck in his throat for a moment, but he let them out.

"About before… what you said about yourself-" A hiccup. "It's not true. It can't be. You're… amazing… you deserve so much better and I am… am…"

He moved his head back to gaze at her eyes. She was enraptured at his every word, paying close attention to what and who was saying it. Misato was waiting for something, anything, Shinji realized. However, he soon found out he wasn't able to say what she really wanted,

"I'm… proud of you, Misato. Very proud. I am so happy that you're here and got promoted and I don't…"

His words trailed off. Even when trying, he took the coward's way out yet again. Worse, what he actually did say so stiff and inorganic he might as well have not said them at all. Shinji hated himself already, but this was a new low for him, He couldn't even comfort someone without giving up. By God, he couldn't even say the words no one had ever told him to the one person who understood.

"Sorry. I'm sorry, I have to, um-"

Before he could move, he felt strong arms hug him back. Not too long afterward Shinji felt lips press to his cheek, and he looked up to find Misato's eyes filled with content satisfaction.

"Thank you so much. I should have known you'd never let me down, my Shinji-kun."

Shinji was confused why she acted this way. He didn't tell her. He was just like Kaji, another man who failed. The only explanation, the only one that came to mind, was that she understood what he was trying to do without needing to be told. He didn't know what he did to deserve such grace, but Misato gave it to him anyway. He smiled.

"No, thank you Misato."

He felt applause coming from all directions. Shinji shivered like a deer in headlights, letting go of Misato even though she didn't let go of him. Kaji whistled at the duo.

"Look at the Third Child! Ritsu-poo was so worried about Misato making a move but instead it was our pal Shinji."

Asuka kept her grumblings to herself. "Idiots. Both of you."

In their shared cheer. Shinji didn't care to notice to the lipstick mark staining his cheek. It was an innocuous detail to most others, an accident formed from Misato's general personality. Someone, however, took it differently.

"Why don't we wrap it up?" Ritsuko said with a barely perceptible twitch in her eye "I am getting tired after all."

Everyone filed out. The guests at least had the courtesy to clean up after themselves when the party ended. Asuka gave Misato the stink eye, even as she told Shinji to have a good night. Pen-Pen went back to his room unbothered by today's events. Misato watched Shinji enter the shower and in a favor to him took up some pieces of trash from the ground. She thought about Shinji.

'He really tried to help me. I can't ask him for anything more than that right now.'

They weren't the words she wanted to hear, but she didn't mind. Just knowing Shinji appreciated her made Misato obscenely happy.

The Tenth Angel was detected from space.

Sahaquiel used its AT Field to jam communications and destroy satellites. It also split parts of itself onto the Earth. The first hit thankfully landed in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, but with each successive strike the Angel's parts were closing in on its real destination. The MAGI determined the final attack would be on Tokyo-3, Sahaquiel dropping its entire body into the Geo-Front. The resulting blast would decimate the city and take out a good chunk of Japan.

Tokyo-3's citizens were to be evacuated within fifty-kilometer radius. It fell on Misato Katsuragi to come up with a plan to stop this thing. The plan did not inspire confidence in the children.

"We're going to catch the thing?!" Asuka yelled. "Are you insane?!"

"Absolutely." Misato sheepishly grinned. "It's the best we can come up with, I'm afraid. You're going to expand your AT Fields to catch the Angel and stab it while you have the chance."

"Un-fucking-believable."

"Um, Misato." Shinji raised his hand. "Where did you determine to put the Evas for the Impact Zone?"

"Oh, that's easy! Women's intuition."

The answer had him wondering if she lost her mind. "MISATO! You never won the lottery even once! How are we supposed to catch this thing?!"

"What the hell, Shinji has a point!" Asuka's eyes bulged out of her sockets. "This is crazy!"

"The MAGI determined this as the best plan we got. I'm sorry, everyone. NERV granted all three of you permission to write a will."

The children looked at each other. One by one, they all shook their heads. There was nothing more to say.

"That's good. If we survive this, I'm taking you all for a steak dinner."

Misato cheerfully left the room. Once she did, Shinji and Asuka's faces fell.

"Steak dinner? Really?"

"She could have asked for something better." Shinji admitted. "We don't even have the budget for that."

"Obviously not. I'm going to look for cheaper places."

Asuka glanced over to Rei.

"Yo, First Child. You got any preferences?"

"I dislike eating meat."

"… That narrows it down." Asuka shrugged. "There is this place I went to with Kaji, just outside the mall."

Shinji's eyes widened in recognition. "Is it that Ramen place?"

"Yeah, you've been there?"

"No, but I did go with Misato one time."

"This again? You and Misato. You're like peas in a pond with the way you were gaga over her yesterday."

"You think so?"

"She was all over you, idiot. Do you think she doesn't like you?"

"… I know she does." Shinji looked down. "Not a lot of people like me, but I know for a fact she does. I'm not sure what to do with that."

"Well. Figure it out in your own time. We got a mission."

Asuka left the room in a huff. Truthfully, Shinji was still mostly confused by her. He turned to find Rei was still in the room.

"You're still here?"

Rei gave him a look. "I don't believe you're the Commander's son."

Then, she started leaving the room. Shinji crossed his arms in frustration.

"Like I asked for your opinion, you stupid doll."

Ritsuko knew this was going to happen.

She knew Misato all too well. Even though Misato promised not to put the moves on him, the signs were there. The kiss, the knowing stares, the amount of time Misato spent cooped up in their room. It got to a point where she intentionally missed out on coffee breaks. If Kaji wasn't an option, Misato wasn't going to go for a stooge like Makoto Hyuuga.

Ritsuko was getting flashbacks and they weren't good. The pilots needed to be in a stable mental condition to fight in the Evas. With Shinji's sync ratio in a state of flux due to Unit 01 acting up, the last thing they needed was mental contamination brought upon by stress. Misato's attempts to manipulate Shinji were going to bite everyone in the ass.

'The Commander doesn't need to know. He's too busy worrying over Rei to focus on a trivial matter like this.'

Whatever was to be done, Ritsuko had to do it herself. She felt responsible, given she was the one who encouraged Misato to keep him pacified for the greater. She also respected her friendship to Misato too much to let her get punished over something like this.

As such, she followed Misato to the bathroom. Misato must have been in a mental fog, given she hardly reacted to the door opening. She contemplated something in front of the mirror, just staring at her reflection with a frozen hatred carved into her features.

Ritsuko would have to tackle this delicately. She coughed into her hand.

"Misato."

Evidently this startled her, Misato sharply turning to find Ritsuko.

"Ritsuko, what the hell!?"

"The operation is beginning shortly." Ritsuko said. "I was hoping to pick you up so you could do your job."

"R-Right." Misato looked at herself again. "I'll be there."

She was retreating. Ritsuko wouldn't let that happen.

"Misato, what are you thinking?"

"Hm." Misato frowned. "I'm thinking about what I'm putting the kids through. If this goes wrong, we're all going to die. I don't know if I can bear that responsibility."

"All the kids? Or just Shinji?"

She didn't respond, but her surprised eyes told the story. It was all Ritsuko needed to know.

"Misato, when you took in that boy I told you to keep him happy. I didn't expect you to use him so selfishly."

Suddenly Misato narrowed her eyes. "Selfishly?"

"You've been escorting him around the base even though he could walk, you've kept him in here from school, you don't think I realize what you're doing?!"

"Ritsuko, I have no idea what are you talking about?!"

"You're using him! You're using him in the name of your revenge!"

Something like that shocked Misato. She stumbled backward as Ritsuko advanced.

"These kids are pilots. They are sacrificing themselves for humanity, for your own revenge. You're charming him, doting on him, so he'd be easier for you to use! The Commander entrusted you with his son, and you're just toying with him!"

"…"

"How is he by the way? Is he good in the sack, or have you only let him touch your boobs? Did you give him panties to soak in his semen? Explain to me, very carefully, what are you thinking, Misato?!"

slap

Ritsuko felt the sting before anything else. She clutched her face, already disassocating from the pain. Her mother hit harder frankly. She wasn't used to the bleeding from her nose though, that was new. She grimaced as Misato glared at her.

"Misato…"

"You're the sick freak here, Ritsuko. How dare you think I'm using him like that. I don't want to. The very thought of doing anything to hurt him, to put him in danger for my sake, it makes me sick! You're disgusting, Ritsuko!"

"Don't lie to me, Misato." Ritsuko said. "You told Shinji something, I know it. He listens to your every word, and he accepted that kiss. You want him to be your weapon."

"I don't want that for him!" Misato snarled at her supposed friend. "I love him too much for that! He's my responsibility, my ward, and… god, my Shinji-kun understands me! He's the only one who does."

The language she was using was dangerous. If anyone heard that, it would result in immediate imprisonment or worse. Clearly, confronting Misato was the wrong move. She was too agitated. Ritsuko decided to take the high road and let her be.

"Believe whatever you want, you love him or whatever. Just don't let him suffer for your hatred."

Misato slammed a fist at the table. She was utterly furious.

"Only someone like you would think I'd do that. I refuse to let him get hurt because of me. We're going with this plan because we have no choice. Like I promised him before, I am going to do everything within my power so he lives. Even if I die. It's the least I can do, the one fucking thing I can offer him."

Misato marched out of the bathroom. Ritsuko's expression saddened at her leaving.

"What you've done is worse, Misato. You're molding him into you."

Shinji didn't understand a lot of things.

He didn't know why Misato or Asuka liked him, and why Father didn't. He didn't know why Rei was the way she was and didn'f care to know. Why he was still piloting Eva? It is simple, but it hurts even being in the cockpit.

He ran to catch the Angel as fast as he could. He had to to save humanity. To survive, as he often did anyway. Just survive.

Asuka fought for recognition. Rei presumably fought for his Father. What did he fight for?

As the Angel came on top of him, as Shinji pushed his AT Field to the limit to catch it, as as he bled and waited for death…

His only thought was of Misato. Of the certainty that she would hate it If he died, and how he would hate not being able to see her again.

The thought remained even as Asuka stabbed the Angel's core.

Misato drove Shinji and Asuka around town. Asuka pointed at a nearby food stand.

"Here's the place. Right over there."

A ramen shop. Much easier on her bank account than a steakhouse, Misato thought with some amusement. For Asuka, this was a rather generous moment of compassion. Misato hoped to see it more often, as they got out of the car.

"Thanks kids. Who's gonna go up first?"

"Me!" Asuka grinned. "I'm the one that stabbed the Angel, after all."

Shinji rolled his eyes good-naturedly. "Victor goes the spoils."

Eating was a quiet affair between the three. Rei declined to appear for personal reasons. Shinji munched his food slowly, in understated contemplation. Asuka got tired of his moping rather quickly.

"You're hung up on your Dad are you? All he did was praise you, yet you're acting like he stabbed a kitten or something."

Misato winced. After the signal was restored, Commander Ikari made it a point to call upon Shinji's name and congratulated him for catching the Angel. Shinji went silent afterward, not bothering to thank the Commander as communications dropped. Asuka didn't understand the level of hatred Shinji possessed for the man.

"He might as well have." Asuka got an idea as she saw Shinji growled. "I despise him. I hope he dies on the way back here."

"Whoah, you have actual beef." She said in surprise. "Hate him that much?"

"Absolutely. I figured out my reason for fighting, and it for sure wasn't him."

So he had actually thought it through. Asuka grinned.

"Well, out with it! What's the reason?"

Shinji let out a sigh. Clearly, this was something he wasn't eager to let out into the open. Even so, Shinji turned to Misato with the same rare determination on his face that he had at the party.

"… Misato. I am doing it for Misato."

She didn't know what she expected, but it hardly came as a surprise once the answer came.

"Why am I not surprised? You two are practically attached to the hip."

Shinji continued. "All I can think about when I was holding up that Angel wasn't humanity or my own survival… it was Misato, the thought of not being able to see her again… that's when I realized, she's who I want to fight for."

Asuka rolled her eyes. She turned to Misato, finding her utterly terrified out of her mind.

"Misato? Why are you like that?"

"Shinji. You can't mean that." Misato shook her head violently. "I never wanted to use you as a tool. I don't want you fighting for me."

"Why not?" Shinji shrugged. "We beat the Angel, didn't we?"

"I never wanted you to fight for me. Ever. I already hate putting you, all of you, in danger like this. I hate risking you for me, I love you too much for that!"

Shinji and Asuka's eyes widened. The latter was surprised Misato would come right out and actually say it directly. Shinji himself flushed at the words.

"So why are you saying that?!" Misato yelled. "Why are you doing this? It can't just be for my approval, I already admire you for everything you do! Stop this, don't do anything just for me! You're more than a tool!"

Shinji recovered from the mental spiral those words put him through, and said:

"It's because that! I want to fight for you because you treat me more than a tool! You've always, God, you always helped me, and you- you love me! No one's ever told me that, no one! I know you do! With you, it's the first time I ever felt like I had anyone… and it's because of that that I…"

Shinji's eyes widened. He realized the emotions he had been carrying this whole time, and found himself able to say what was truly in his mind.

"I love you."

Author's Notes:

Too soon? Or perfect timing?

I intentionally constructed this chapter to serve as happy ending of sorts. If you want a spot to drop, this is it. I want to explore darker, more disturbing material starting with the next chapter. It'll be an interlude that'll give you an idea of where things will go. You've been warned.

Reviews:

engel17white: People are really sleeping on Mary Iscariot. Even if they don't like Mari Makinami, having an adult peer of Yui's can bring such an interesting perspective. I hope people use her more.

Mecha: This comment is gold, no notes.

QUICKM33MZ2005: Kaji is absolutely kicking himself. Not as much as Ritsuko, I figure though. The marriage proposal was a reference to La Promesa yeah, I figured that would be something in character for Mari to say. If you're holding back on potential spoilers for other readers or waiting for me to reveal stuff, I say you don't go to. I love theories and speculation, even- or especially- if it turns out wrong. You don't need to wait on my account! P.S. no you're not crazy, I just think chocolate bars are just neat.

Guest: Verbal abuse? All Asuka did was insult him a few times. Physical abuse? Well, we can argue about double standards involving women hitting men for comedy, I hate Love Hina too, but as far as the series depicted things Asuka didn't do it that often and Shinji was never seriously affected by it. Asuka mostly kept her worst feelings to herself, and even if she were a stereotypical tsundere character (she isn't) it wouldn't justify half the things Shinji did to her in the original series/EoE. Truth be told, a lot of OG!Shinji's hang ups would be the same if he were interested in someone like Hikari. I'd argue that he must go through a radical change in character to be a good partner to anyone, even Kaworu if you're more of a Yaoi fan. I hope, at bare minimum, that this Shinji's development was believable enough.

(Shikinami sucks ass though, Rebuild!Shinji honestly did nothing wrong in his series.)