"Ugh, I'm so late. This is what I get for staying up all night talking to Asuka."

Shinji wiped his hair using the towel. He made sure to swiftly scrub all traces of shampoo from his head, along with the soap around his thin, porcelain body. He had to hurry, the train was due in fifty minutes. He needed to have breakfast and make a run for it if he wanted to get there on time.

"I hope Mom doesn't kill me." Shinji chuckled. "Oh who am I kidding, She would get mad but let it go after a while."

His mother always did. She could never stay mad at him. Shinji quickly put on his middle school uniform, opening the door to a living room illuminated by a bright, red-orange sunrise.

Everything was as it should be. A clean, tidy apartment with nary a speck of dust or trash on the floor. Pen-Pen happily slept on the couch instead of screeching loudly as he did every other morning. Shinji was thankful for small miracles, he could smell his mother's cooking coming from the kitchen. All for him.

"Hmmm, tasty."

His delight as short lived, as he heard his mother call out in an angry tone:

"Shinji! You're late again, what did I tell you?! Get over here, eat and butt out!"

"I'm, uh," He gulped. "I'm sorry Mom. Homework took longer than I expected so I slept late."

"Typical. You focus so much on your work you forget your own health, just like your father."

Shinji tried to keep himself from frowning as he took his seat. He looked up to see his mother, happily mixing ingredients in a bowl. She possessed dazzling purple hair that stretched to her shoulders, a white apron over a pink shirt that poofed around her shoulders, and cream sandals that barely squeaked along the floor. The glow of the sun wrapped her face in shadow, but Shinji knew she smiled sweetly as a mother should.

"Eat up." She said. "Today, you don't get pie. That's what you get for being late."

Shinji noticed a plate of broccolis and soup in front of him. He pouted.

"Do I have to, Mom?"

"Yes. The pie is for your Dad when he gets home tonight."

"If he gets home tonight."

"You know how important his work is."

"It's all for humanity's future, I know I know." Shinji rolled his eyes. "Hard to believe since he's such a closed-off bastard."

"I've seen what he does. It's important." Shinji noticed how she didn't disagree with his assessment of his father. "Hurry."

He followed her order. He drank the soup first, figuring that would sit in his stomach faster. Every so often, Shinji stole glances at his mother.

Even tired and haggard due to the early morning, he couldn't help but admire her beauty. His mother was so pretty and wonderful, far too good for this world in Shinji's opinion. Even though his father left them years ago for his mission, even through the horror of Second Impact and the wars that erupted, his mother kept going, remaining strong in the face of crippling loneliness with no recourse or support. Just him and his useless childish self.

She was so beautiful, prettier than his classmates at any rate, Shinji couldn't fathom anyone would want to be away from her. If he had a mind to do it, he'd drag his useless father back to soothe the pain in her soul.

He couldn't help but watch her closely as she put a tray inside the oven. The dress his mother had barely stretched to her butt, exposing the tight blue shorts she had on. Shinji felt strange watching her wiggle the tray inside.

"Hmph, this is harder than usual… there!"

She closed the oven and set the timer. Shinji thankfully avoided an awkward moment as he looked away before she turned around.

"The pie should come out in a couple of minutes. I can finally take this stupid thing off…"

She took off her apron, tossing it to the side. For some reason, her chest became more accentuated through her pink shirt. Was it always that tight, or did the apron did a good job covering it? Shinji didn't know, he was sitting there blushing in the headlights over ogling his mother.

This time, she noticed it.

"Son?"

"What?" He shook his head. "Erm, nothing!"

She bellowed out a laugh. "You're at that age, hm? You should be looking at girls your own age, you sneaky little pervert!"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Let me, uh, get my backpack!"

He ran back to his room, trying to ignore his own embarrassment. He didn't want her to see, to know. He placed the strap over his shoulder, beginning to march out the door like a man possessed. At least, he would have if he hadn't felt his mom grab his shoulder.

"Hold on! You forgot something important!"

Shinji stammered. "I- I made sure to pack everything! Promise!"

"Good, but that's not what I meant." She tapped her own cheek. "No good bye kiss, you silly boy?"

Of course! How could he have forgotten? His mother always asked for it before he left. What's a couple of seconds late for him anyway?

"Okay then." Shinji said. "Mustn't run away, right?"

He turned his head fully to meet her. Strangely, Shinji still couldn't see his mother's face. The shadows covered her features too well, he couldn't tell where her nose began and where her chin ended. Maybe that was why he made the mistake. He closed his eyes and leaned in to kiss what he thought was the side of her face.

Instead, Shinji felt the presence of lips over his own.

"Hmhmr?"

Startled, Shinji opened his eyes wide. His mother was evidently just as surprised as he was. He instinctively knew this was wrong, horrified at what he had done, yet he couldn't find it in himself to move. They just stood behind the door, lips locked together in a sensual dance. If the neighbors saw, they'd scream for the hills and never come back.

Why? Why didn't he move? He had daydreams of kissing her once or twice, but those were just that. Daydreams. Intrusive thoughts, among others. There were plenty of girls at school he'd like to kiss, and he knew his mother would never approve. Except to his shock, just as his body began to lean away, she surged forward and grabbed his head with both hands.

Shinji was held in place as his mother returned the kiss with newfound, aggressive vigor. He felt her tongue slip into his mouth, which excited his heart just as much as it increased his confusion.

'What is… why is this happening?'

Eventually, Shinji separated from her. He tried to catch his breath, looking back to realize he could finally see her face.

"That was an adult kiss." Misato smiled. "We'll do the rest when you get back."

She opened the door and shoved him outside. Flat on the floor, Shinji caught his bearings in time to see the door shut. He moved to try banging against it.

"Mom! Wait-" He shook his head. "Misato! What's going on?! Where is my mother!?"

The ground shook under him, causing him to trip off balance. Shinji caught a metal pole that wasn't there before, and heard a frighteningly loud noise erupting in his ears. An alarm bell, one that blared through the cart.

"What?" Shinji turned around, gasping in shock. "How did I get here?"

He was on the train, no two ways about it. Somehow he skipped the steps to reach the station and was now inside. The train cart was wrapped in the same orange glow as his apartment. It was empty and dirty, save for two other occupants. Two teenage girls, ones Shinji knew perfectly well in fact, though it took him a bit to recognize them.

The first girl was wrapped in bandages that covered her body from head to toe. She wore a torn up middle school uniform that only served to make her seem more frightening. Inhuman. A type of kids toy almost. Only her blue hair and crimson red eyes could be seen through the bandages. Shinji hated her.

"Ayanami. What are you doing here?!"

She ignored him, looking away. Shinji couldn't help but feel offended.

"Nothing to say? Answer me!"

"Why should she? She doesn't know you, idiot."

He turned his attention to the other girl. Compared to Ayanami, Shinji could tell she was human. Atop her red hair was a black military hat, her professional crimson uniform covering any trace of femininity from his eyes. She glared at him.

"You didn't even hesitate." Asuka said. "She went from mother to a whore rather fast, didn't she?" She sneered. "I guess she wasn't really your mother after all."

Shinji whimpered at her accusation. "I don't know what you mean…"

She stood up from her chair, pointing at him.

"You do! You hide it like a worm, but you want her! Your jerk off fantasies tell it all!"

Imaginative constructs and memories flooded Shinji. He tried to deny it, even though Asuka had him pegged.

"T-That's not true!"

"How else do you explain that freaky incest shit back there? Do you even understand yourself?"

He couldn't take any more of this. Lies, lies, all lies. Shinji covered his ears to shut her out.

"Shut up, I don't see her that way!"

Rei shook her head. She was not going to entertain this delusion.

"You cannot run from your feelings. You only deny yourself."

Her voice triggered an avalanche. Even as Shinji shut his eyes, images of Rei, Misato and Asuka swirled in his head. Smiling, laughing, inviting… in the middle of the stack, even as Asuka and Rei blurred to different positions there was Misato. It was always her, it had to be. His first hug, first touch, first kiss, he gave them all up to her. And with painful realization, he realized he wanted to feel them again. He craved for her, longing to express his feelings, to touch her body as he did in the springs, and so much more...

Yet even with his intetnal admission, he couldn't bear the truth! So he denied, denied, denied it all as the girls laughed at him.

"Look at him! He wants her! He wants her!"

"A pity he has not accepted it."

"He will soon." Misato's voice cracked in sneering joy. "We live in the same roof, he'll have plenty of chances to ogle me then."

"Shut up" Shinji shouted. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP-!"

"- SHUT… up…?"

Shinji gasped, grasping his head in total confusion.

He could feel the sweat pouring down his head. He turned his head left to right to check he was where he slept. His room. Reality. Good. Shinji checked the time.

2:00 AM.

He rested his head on the pillow, recovering from his bizarre experience.

'My dreams never got this insane. Why did they show up, though?'

For years, Shinji had nightmares like this. Him on the train, alone and abandoned. Hearing whispers he didn't want to hear, secrets he never knew existed, voices he could never see. However, this was the first time he could recall his dreams in vivid detail. Hell, for him this was the first time he had anyone appear In his visions. Shinji supposed Misato and Asuka made sense, they were the closest to his life so far.

"But why Rei?" He asked himself. "The only thing special about that girl is how Father left me for her."

Dreams never made sense, he figured. He loved Misato, but not in the way that dream described. He didn't want to… to…

Well, he had thought of her, but not in a long while. He didn't want to think of her that way. She was his guardian, just because she kissed him one time doesn't mean anything! He doesn't have feelings for her! He loved her! Love meant respect, and he shouldn't be dragging her to his level. He moved the pillow around his ears, trying to ignore the imagined lies ringing in his head.

An eternity passed. No matter how many times he turned his body, Shinji couldn't go back to sleep.

He wondered if Misato had nightmares like he had. Did she dream of Second Impact? Adam? Her Father or Kaji? He would if he was her. He also wouldn't want to think about it for too long if they disturbed his sleep. It had to be absolutely horrible terrible.

"Still," Shinji shrugged. "Anything is better than looking at a ceiling. I hope Misato is having a better time than me."

Her memories were wrecked by a yellow filter.

They used to be full of life and color, before Second Impact. Before Adam. The golden light of the Angel tore through every bit of normalcy in Misato's life. Everything lost its luster to her, so she tried not think about her past too much. Only asleep did she allow herself to be transported back in time, feeling her father's arms carrying her to safety, the murmurs of the doctors watching her every non-move, her childhood growing up being teased for having no father.

Adam's golden light chased her memory, and it seems even her dreams there was no escape.

Misato stared at the can of beer in her hand for a solid minute. It was the seventeenth, or eighteenth one she had in the last half hour? After her son left for school, there was nothing for her to do but wait. No car, not after her license got taken away for reckless endangerment. No job. No husband. Nothing.

She threw the can to the floor along with the rest of the pile. Luckily for her, Pen-Pen went to sleep. He wouldn't be disturbed by her petulance.

"Oh phooey." Misato grumbled under her breath. "I knew being a housewife was unglamorous, but did Mom really sit around with nothing to do?"

She scratched underneath her yellow shirt, ignoring the cracks around her body. As far as Misato was concerned, the cracks were always there like a shattered photo. The apartment followed suit.

How it was supposed to look, she didn't know. The details tended get mixed up in her dreams. Sometimes, there was a small wooden table surrounded by yellow walls. Sometimes there was a large room with a sofa, TV and a huge window with a view of the garden. Misato preferred to mix and match. If only her husband understood.

Where was he again? Oh right, he was off doing U.N. Inspector work she didn't care about.

Ryoji was a cowardly man, Misato decided long ago. Plenty charming and handsome in college, but he popped the ring well before he told her he loved her. She imagined the marriage was done because it was expected of him than marriage being something he actually wanted. He was hardly ever around after all, didn't even have the decency to hold her even when he did come home.

Misato was plenty certain he was using his job to have affairs with other women. Oh yes she knew, she saw him hitting on Maya several times, the three special techs from the Project, the man couldn't keep it in his pants if he wanted to! He and Ritsuko, Misato knew they must something going on! The two were always sneaking around her, lying and teasing like they knew secrets she didn't. She hated that, she hated them! Treating her like glass, pretending to be all smiles when they have daggers behind them. Even being around them, she was so… so…

Lonely. Yes, lonely.

The most action she's had in… how long? Months? Years? She couldn't tell, but Misato knew she was lonely. Perhaps that was why she accepted the kiss from her son so eagerly. Even after the fact, it didn't horrify her nearly as much as she expected.

"I gave in so fast." Misato told herself. "Am I sick in the head, wanting it from a child? Let alone her own?"

She may parade her body for boys to see, but that was just to tease them. When she rode into school for a parent-teacher conference, she soaked in the attention of the students to feel confident about herself. Being with any of them was never a serious consideration. Her son got to see her every day, he should have been better than that.

Miisato wasn't oblivious. Oh, she knew her son had been watching her. He wasn't nearly as subtle with his staring as he thought, a couple of times she even caught him with an old photo of her in her twenties. By all accounts she should have scolded the little creep many times over for undressing her in his mind but she was so caught up in the flattery of being the one who awaken his hormones that she indulged him. Only a little, a view of her butt, shaking her chest a bit, just small stuff. It wasn't supposed to be much.

But it became too much, much too fast. She kissed him, eagerly and wanting. If it hadn't been for school she would have thrown away her pride and taken him to her bed. God, she was lonely and so fucked up. She couldn't be considering…

"It has to be the drinking to consider this." She deluded herself. "He's fourteen, he's my son, this is horrible. I need to get away from him, no! I need to tell him the promise was fake. I need to reassure him I'm not out to- I'm not a pedophile! He's not some other kid he's my son he's… mine…"

Mine. Just the word made Misato stumble backwards into the couch.

She was so terrified. To think, she was so lonely that she got possessive over her own child. What would he think? What would Ryoji, Ritsuko, anyone from her life think? Did she even have one? She could feel their judgmental stares glaring down at her, their disgusted looks telling her everything.

'Whore.'

'Slut.'

'I warned you, you were molding him! You want him to be you!'

'Disgusting.'

'You want to show this side to the man you love... why deny it? He loves you just as much. He told you.'

"Stop it!" Misato clutched her ears. "I don't want him to see! I don't want him to hate me, god someone please help me, help me HELP ME!"

The pull between being a good wife and being a dirty little girl spitting at the image of her father, was all encompassing and much too agonizing. No matter how much she dug her nails to remind her of reality, all she could think about was her boy thrusting into her and spiting their fellow comrades.

"I can't do this!" She hoarsely whispered. "I can't do this… I can't…"

Not a minute later, the door opened. Misato was startled out of her downward spiral.

"S-Son?" She asked no one. "You came here early?"

She turned to see him. His light gray hair and judgmental frown, eyes hidden behind a pair of glasses. Just as she remembered him. He threw his bag to the side and sneered at her.

"Lazing around like usual, Mom." He said. "Didn't even bother cleaning up after yourself."

Ignoring her mental dilemma, Misato glared at the boy. Where did he get off acting so high and mighty?

"Yeah yeah, I'm a slob. No need to rub it in, your precious."

She blew a raspberry at him, which only caused her son to roll his eyes in disdain. He got to work picking up a trash bag, collecting her beer cans. He moved and spoke in such a condescending attitude that rubbed Misato the wrong way.

"You always have me clean up after you. I can't believe a woman your age can't do simple tasks around the house. Aren't you supposed to be a good housewife?"

"Shut up." Misato crossed her arms. "I sacrifice so much for you already. Doing chores around the house is really not the worst thing you could be doing."

"You tricked me into doing all the chores. You did it so easily too."

"Consider it a life skill. You're gonna impress the ladies with that stuff."

"If I get married, I'd rather it be to someone who can take care of herself."

He scratched the underside of his chin.

"Like Asuka. She knows exactly what she's doing, unlike you. You just sit back and watch while we play that mech game. If only you'd been born later, you could have joined us."

What a low blow. He knew what she was like at fourteen.

"Asuka is just a bundle of issues. She's insecure and craves attention."

"Sounds like someone I know."

Misato prided herself on resisting the urge to hit him for that. "Boohoo, I know you're so mature and wise but you don't have to make me feel bad about it."

If he was going to act this way, so be it. She'd play a game with him.

"Say, if you're such a big boy maybe you can help me out. Your dad won't be coming home tonight."

"Hmhm."

"Do you mind if you helped me pick out some clothes?"

He blushed and stammered. Good. She wanted to see his smug face deteriorate in shame.

"W-Why?! I'm just a kid!"

"Exactly! Your dad would get too distracted anyway. If I get an innocent little boy's opinion I might get somewhere."

She stretched the comment long enough to let him know she's bullshitting. He acted tough, but the moment she stopped paying attention he would no doubt slink back to his room and masturbate to her. Men are creatures of self-delusion, so confident in their own virtue they're in denial of their own sins.

"Fine, let's get this over with." Her son shook his head. "See what I care."

She grinned. "Hold uuuuup~"

Misato went into her room. She took her sweet time to picking out dresses, instilling anticipation in her creepy little roommate. She could probably imagine it now, him desperately trying to keep himself together, holding back his throbbing erection. He may act like he's better than the boys but he was no different. Really, he should be so lucky. Boys like him hardly got shows from a willing woman like herself.

She puts on an elegant, white lace dress first. Nothing too fancy. She opened the door and raised her arms up in the air to show off. Misato couldn't help but chuckle at his surprised face.

"Whacha think?" She winked. "Lovely aren't I?"

He blushed and looked away. "I-It looks dirty on you! You shouldn't act like this around me."

"Is that all you wanna say? You sure?" Misato grinned, twisting the knife further. "You think your Dad'll like it?"

He said nothing. Oh well. It wasn't like she was ever going to get approval from him anyway anyway.

"Alright, so just fine. Let me get a better one then."

She went back and came out with another dress. The second outfit was a touch spicier. A long-sleeved yellow dress. It covered her arms and legs, though was tighter around her body. She played around with this as she spun around to get her son's attention.

"See something you like?"

"Eh, looks okay." He turned his brown eyes away. His hair was brown too, his fingers playing with his ponytail. "Give it another twirl just to make sure."

Immediately, she glared again. She went back to her room.

Third time's the charm, Misato figured. She returned in yet another dress. Much simpler, a strapless black dress that revealed a lot of her back and her breasts were prominent. She didn't even turn to her son to see his reaction, facing her back to him.

"So whacha think? Your father'll probably enjoy this one."

"…"

"Hello?"

"I like it."

"Hm. Do you?"

"Yeah," the sound of footsteps. "I think it looks fantastic on you."

She suddenly felt hands on her sides. They rubbed her waist in slow circles, greedily taking in her voluptuoys form. The hands sent pleasing shivers throughout Misato's body, causing an odd excitement to build inside of her.

"T-thanks for your opinion. You gonna let go or…?"

He didn't. Instead, he rested his head on the crook of her neck and pulled her close. Misato wouldn't lie and said she didn't feel something in the wake of his and… wait…

The yellow around her changed. She could see the proper pigmentation of her skin under the orange light of the sun. No cracks or damage could be found anywhere, Misato realized before she could see the sunset. How much around her changed? How long was she lost in thought, entertaining this little game?

"I'm sorry. I'm seeing you like this and…" Her son sighed. "I wish you were trying these on for someone who'd notice."

At those words, Misato finally turned around.

His eyes were blue now, so innocent and apologetic even though he held possessive hands over her. If she had any self-respect, she'd throw him off. But Misato had no self-respect. After all, this was what she wanted. The boy she had grown to love and see as hers is looking at her with burning hot desire.

The same desire she had for him.

She turned, raising a hand to caress her Shinji's chin.

"You're here, aren't you?" Misato told him. "What are you gonna do? Run away?"

Her Shinji-kun hesitated for a second. Only for a second. He leaned in and kissed her with absolute certainty.

Misato obliged him. Fully. Without school breathing down their necks, they could indulge in their most twisted vices.

"Hmmmmhmmm… ahhh… wait… hmmmm…"

He didn't let up, so she didn't either. She explored his body as he did hers, taking off his uniform to get a peek at his chest…

Misato woke up, ready to tear out her hair in horror.

"What the fuck was that?!" She nearly screamed. "What the fuck… God…"

Her eyes were wide, ready to burst from her head. She tried to breathe steadily, ignoring everything else to look around the room. It was still night time. It was her room in HQ. Shinji was probably still asleep. Misato hoped beyond everything she didn't wake him up. He shouldn't see her like this, not right now.

Not sweating and panting so hard over the thought of him.

"This isn't good at all… I had a dream about Shinji… I'm insane…"

Misato looked down at her pajamas. She laid her head back on the pillow, trying desperately to fall asleep. She'd rather risk reliving Second Impact than having to deal with her feelings at the moment. Her body shook in anticipation for the next day. Meanwhile, all Misato could say was:

"I'm going to have a lot of trouble looking at Shinji in the eye tomorrow."

They saluted each other the next, acting as if nothing happened.

Author's Notes:

Misato's outfit in Shinji's dream is she wears during a scene in EoE where Shinji plays in the sandbox with the doll children. I figured it was appropriate for this dream. I'm probably going to take a bit of a break since we're approaching Christmas, but don't be surprised if I wind up with a new chapter next week anyway.

I've come across a lot of Misato x Shinji stories, many of them I really liked. However, I felt like there isn't a ton that explored some of the darker implications of the pairing. Considering this is Evangelion, a dark and messed up story, I wanted to write a story that played around with that. It'll be up to you to figure out if I succeeded in the end.

Originally, I envisioned the dreams as being part of a two-act stage play. You know, playing around with the reality/unreality of the story like in EoE/Rebuild 4, maybe throw in an Utena reference by having it be introduced by the Shadow Girls, except I felt like it wouldn't make much sense since 1) this isn't instrumentality where that sort of thing would fit and 2) what kind of "real world" audience would watch this play? So it was a no go. Hell Train/Dream it was then! I was also gonna end this with Shinji watching Misato masturbate, but the scene kept coming out as unintentionally funny so I took it out. I feel like the chapter is plenty risqué as it is.

Reviews:

Acolyte Horus: Tonal shift, last chapter isn't one of the endings.

Guest: Your joke was alright. I wasn't saying that physical abuse for comedy is okay, just that it didn't happen very frequently and within Eva itself Shinji wasn't affected. Even if we did count it, in what universe is masturbating to her comatose body and attempting to kill her a proportionate response? Shinji was the worse one in that relationship.