Dallas, Texas
October 1978
"Our boy's eight months old today."
Jock's voice startled her as he sat down at the patio table. His continued use of 'our' and 'my' made her cringe, but she'd decided earlier not to mention it anymore. He wasn't going to change his mind, and she wasn't looking for a fight.
"Eight months old and wonderful," Sue Ellen replied.
She scooped a spoonful of pureed pumpkin and carefully fed it to little John, keeping her focus on him to avoid a mess, something she had far too much experience with. When Jock agreed, saying, "that he is," his tone suggested he had more to say. She had no facial expression to read, though, so she couldn't say exactly what else was on his mind.
They sat in silence for a while, making it even more surprising when he finally spoke, bringing up a piece of history that felt like a lifetime ago.
"Did I ever say 'I told you so'?"
"About what?" she asked.
"I knew he'd be a John Ross."
"It was a fifty-fifty chance," she teased. "But if you're looking to gloat, go ahead."
Jock chuckled, and though she didn't understand why being right mattered so much to him, she decided not to argue.
"My intuition has never let me down," he said confidently.
"That must be nice," she replied, a bit wistful.
Her own intuition was unreliable at best, but it was interesting to hear that not everyone had the same struggle. She didn't always like Jock, but she had to admit, he was nothing if not confident.
'Medications: (generics allowed) maprotiline, ethinyl estradiol and ethynodiol diacetate (combined oral contraceptive).'
Jock hadn't been sure until now, with Ellie keeping such a close eye on him in the evenings and insisting he retire to bed when she did. By the time other couples in the house were enjoying the privacy of their bedrooms, he was already asleep. But the prescription record he'd obtained from a contact at the pharmacy didn't lie. Nor did what he found when snooping around JR and Sue Ellen's bathroom one afternoon while home alone.
The chance of a sibling for John Ross was low, at least if the pills were used correctly. Given how Sue Ellen had reacted last time, that was a relief. The doctors had been clear that he needed to be cautious with his own health, advice Miss Ellie took as a mandate for abstinence. With her constant vigilance, it would be difficult for him to sneak across town if he wanted to secretly help Sue Ellen, and he didn't want to consider the alternative.
JR might still be Sue Ellen's husband, but Jock genuinely believed everyone would be better off if JR was the father of her children in name only.
He was sick of being coddled, but one good thing about staying home was the easy access to things that would otherwise remain hidden. From time spent alone with John Ross and Sue Ellen to the freedom of snooping through drawers and cupboards in rooms he'd never enter when Southfork was busy, he was beginning to see his family in a new light. When he eventually returned to the office, he realised he'd be losing more than he'd originally anticipated.
November 1978
JR didn't like Cliff Barnes, but he couldn't destroy him with the information Pamela had accidentally leaked either. A few months ago, going to the press with the story of how Cliff's ex-fiancée had died might have worked. Now, though, given Sue Ellen's recent past, he wasn't in a position to cast stones.
The thought of nearly losing Sue Ellen still haunted him. He'd initially been angry at her for putting herself in danger, for not considering that if she had died, she would have left him widowed and John Ross motherless, that it wouldn't have been a relief for anyone but her. However, he later realised that she hadn't been fully competent when she made her decision, and holding her accountable was ultimately fruitless.
After she'd spent time at Brooktree Psychiatric, talking through what had been going on in her mind, taking a long rest, and starting a new medication, things had nearly returned to normal. He wasn't about to rock the boat by dredging up the past.
They weren't planning on having more children anytime soon, and he saw no point in revisiting their failed attempt at a bigger family. John Ross was perfect, and if he was their only child, JR was content with that.
Everyone ought to have a family, and it surprised him to realise the thought even applied to Cliff Barnes. He didn't deserve what had happened all those years ago.
"J... Jock!"
Sue Ellen's breathy whisper filled the room as she collapsed beneath him, her arms and legs giving out like jelly. They sank together into the soft mattress, his chest pressed to her back, bodies still entwined. His breathing was ragged, his heart pounding in his ears. Finally, he managed to speak.
"That'll do it."
"Always so confident," she teased.
Chuckling into the sheets, she gently wriggled, breaking their connection.
"Mhm, I feel it. John Ross will have a little brother come summer."
"Could be a sister," she countered.
"I always have sons," he declared.
Rolling onto his side, he wrapped an arm around her and kissed her neck, ending the conversation.
Yet, instead of his hand finding the warm skin of her waist, hip, and the place where their next son would soon be growing, it landed on empty space.
Confused, Jock opened his eyes, and Sue Ellen was gone.
What he found instead was the undeniable evidence of his imagination, his pyjama pants damp and clingy. The very presence of the fabric hinted that things weren't as they seemed. Tossing back the covers, he quietly walked into the bathroom to freshen up, his embarrassment growing as the line between what was real and what wasn't became clearer.