Dallas, Texas
June 1977
"I don't know if I can do it again," Sue Ellen spoke into the darkness, breaking the silence that had settled since they got into bed, barely moving as she addressed him.
"What are you suggesting?" JR turned to face her, even if he couldn't see her in the dark. He wondered if her opinion had changed since their last conversation. They had another appointment in the morning, and while he thought they were planning to request another treatment, he wasn't sure that's what she wanted anymore.
"I'm not sure. I just know it's becoming too much. The excitement is one thing, but the disappointment is unbearable."
"We don't have to have children," he offered, thinking it might be a solution. He wasn't sure what he expected her to say, considering how much he knew she wanted a family.
"No, but I want them. Even just one."
He pulled her closer, but it was disheartening to feel how stiff she was in his arms.
"We're stuck," she murmured, her voice distant and lost.
"We're not stuck."
"We are, unless you've reconsidered our other options."
He fell silent, considering her words. Had he reconsidered the other options? He didn't much like the idea of adoption; it was complicated given Lucy's history, and it didn't fit his image of fatherhood, even if it was a noble choice. As for donation, the thought wounded his pride, raising a child that was half of Sue Ellen but none of him. He was concerned about bloodline; it wasn't something he liked to say out loud, but it was how he felt.
"I'm sorry, darlin'."
"I just want to know what maternal love feels like. Is that so hard to understand?"
"No."
"Where do we go from here?" Her question hung in the air, and he took a long moment to think before answering.
"How about we try once more, then we'll consider other options."
It wasn't his ideal; he didn't really want to explore other paths. But Sue Ellen was beginning to break, and he couldn't in good conscience keep putting her through pain when there might be an easier way to get what they wanted.
"I think that's a good idea. Thank you."
She reached for his hand, a small but comforting gesture, and he felt a sliver of hope as she reengaged with him.
"The 7th?" Jock asked.
"That's what the notes say," his contact replied.
Sitting on a park bench in the sweltering summer sun, Jock skimmed the copied pages, trying to make sense of the information. Most of it meant barely anything to him; he knew very little about women's health issues. But he could read a date, and he saw when their next appointment was scheduled.
"What time?"
"I don't know."
"Find out."
Jock was unaccustomed to such incompetence. He expected his people to anticipate his questions and come prepared with answers. Clearly, not everyone met the high standards of his staff at Ewing Oil. For this specific task, though, he had no choice but to use someone outside the office.
"Yes, sir."
"You have anything else for me?"
"Not today."
Jock shook his head, unimpressed. The man didn't inspire much confidence, but he had to trust him for now.
"Fine. I expect to hear from you before Monday."
"Happy birthday," Sue Ellen said, smiling.
"Thank you, darlin'," JR replied, kissing her softly.
He sat up as she balanced the breakfast tray on the bed. For a moment, he just admired his wife, taking in how she looked, relaxed and happy. He wanted to commit this moment to memory. She was older than when they first met, but no less beautiful. He was older too, and she still found him attractive. He needed that reassurance now; his confidence had taken a hit over the past few months.
He put on a brave face for Sue Ellen, trying to act as if he were above it all, as if he wasn't preoccupied with their recent and upcoming doctor's visits. But it was hard to keep up the façade.
This morning, on his thirty-eighth birthday, he felt more like himself than he had in a long time. And that was nice.
As relaxed as she could be given the circumstances, Sue Ellen nodded to the nurse, answering, "yes," when the name was read aloud for her confirmation, "John Ross Ewing."
The procedure was quick and mostly painless. Still, she couldn't help herself; she crossed her fingers the entire time, a superstitious habit she knew had no bearing on the outcome. Yet she hoped against hope that 'third time's a charm' held some truth.
Checking his watch confirmed what the setting sun already told him, the man was late. Jock wasn't used to people being late for meetings with him, and he didn't like it one bit.
He surveyed his surroundings. The rooftop parking lot had emptied hours ago when the office workers left, giving him a clear view. Unfortunately, the view wasn't what he was here for.
He could guess what had happened earlier in the day, but he'd paid good money for an insider so he wouldn't have to guess. Their arrangement wasn't set to end until he said so.
Glancing at his watch again, his frustration boiled over. Without a second thought, he turned the key in the ignition and sped off into the dusk.