I walked listlessly back to my compartment, weary and in great need of sleep, and remained there for most of the trip, trying to fall asleep on the hard cushions of the seats and stay asleep. Around the time we made over to the lush forests of Scotland, I fell into a deep sleep and only woke up when the train's whistle chimed. Now awake, I groggily watched the steady stream of students in their Hogwarts uniform heading for the exit and then rose to grab my luggage from the metal shelf and join them.
It was dark outside. Even with the lit lanterns at the station, I could hardly see anything at all beyond a few feet in front of me, but I heard very clearly a loud voice, "Firs' years! Firs' years, this way!"
I walked down the aisle until I met a group of first year students trailing after an enormous man with wild hair and a beard. A giant. There had to be giant in him, I thought. I couldn't imagine a human being that tall. "Firs' years!" he called again.
Only the first years and I took the ferries across the Great Lake to the castle. As the wooden boasts glided across the dark waters, I wondered where the older students went and if this was some initiation for new students. Once on Hogwarts grounds, we were ushered up the moss covered stone steps, which were very slippery to walk on, to the castle. There was some ruckus behind me when a student had stumbled. I barely evaded slipping myself. The entire way was lit only by the lanterns that the Prefects carried, a poor light source for the students at the end of the line.
We entered into a wide corridor and then up a staircase leading to grand wooden doors of the Great Hall. The Prefects explained that we were to wait here until a professor came to notify us that they were ready for us.
I couldn't believe I was here.
I still couldn't believe it.
"Firs' years," Hagrid said. "Professor McGonagall."
She thanked the giant gatekeeper and turned to address us. "Welcome to Hogwarts," said a professor perfunctorily and then turned to the wooden doors, opening it wide to reveal a majestic dining hall with towering rounded arches and high ceilings, bespelled to mimic the night sky. I hear gasps of astonishment and reverence around me. I, too, was in awe. I had seen pictures of the Great Hall - moving pictures, detailed pictures - but to be there was an entirely different experience.
The hall was filled with hundreds of students sitting at the long tables that stretched from the grand doors to the horizontal table where the professors sat. Behind them was a large stain glass window, and all around the room were hundreds of floating candles. At this time, several of the first years in the middle whispered ardently about their excitement for the Sorting to start. Everyone was so quiet that I heard most of their conversation from my place in the back.
I stood in the long line of students waiting to be sorted into their Houses, suddenly self conscious again of my age - a 15 year old standing among 11 year olds. I was acutely aware of the entire student population watching the Sorting, a few of their eyes wandering over to the older student standing among the pre-teens. I wanted the Sorted and the staring to be over quickly, so I was glad when the boy in front of me shuffled to the front of the Great Hall and took a seat on the stool to be sorted.
It would be my turn next.
What House would I be sorted in? I wondered. Was I intelligent like Ravenclaw? I admired intelligence, just like many Ravenclaws, but found myself against that idea. Perhaps fair and kind like Hufflepuff? Surely, I wasn't a Slytherin, even if I was a classified dark creature. Out of four Houses, Gryffindor fascinated me the most, and it was the House I had hoped to join.
"GRYFFINDOR!" The Sorting Hat shouted, loud and clear. A roar of applause burst from the Gryffindor table. I clapped along with them, feeling already at home among the House known for their bravery, even if I could muster very little courage in myself over the years. The boy hopped off the stool and walked towards the table, dazed with exuberance.
"Remus Lupin."
I tore my eyes away from the joyous welcome at the Gryffindor table and walked up to the Sorting Hat, feeling the eyes of the entire Hall on me as I placed the hat on my head and took a seat.
The voice of the Sorting Hat echoed in my mind.
For minutes, it deliberated on where to place me. Ravenclaw for the wise and astute? Gryffindor for the brave? Loyal Hufflepuff? While it went back and forth between the Houses and my attributes, the Hall was watching me with anticipation. I saw confusion flicker across their faces. How strange I must have looked to them - a late bloomer who started his Hogwarts education late.
I did wonder if it would sort me in Slytherin, the house most known to mingle with dark creatures such as myself and the most likely to engage in the dark arts, but it never mentioned Slytherin - only the other three houses, which was fine by me.
Finally, the Sorting Hat made its decision.
"GRYFFINDOR!" it roared.
A chill ran through my body as I heard the words. That was it. I belonged to the House of the brave Gryffindors - like I had hoped. With a wide smile fixed upon my face, I walked over to the Gryffindor table among cheers and applause.
"Congratulations, Remus," said an older student who I assumed was a prefect. As I walked down the aisle, I was greeted with more "Welcome to Gryffindor." Then, the applause quieted down, and the next student was called forward. I took a seat by at the table among the older students.
"Welcome to Gryffindor, Remus," I heard a familiar voice say.
Across from the table, diagonal from me was Sirius Black, grinning widely. Beside him was the bespectacled wizard with messy hair from before.
I froze, not expecting to see him so soon. What did he want? I thought.
"Thanks," I said, taking a shuttering breath and smiling. I turned around and glued my eyes to the front of the room, even as I felt his eyes behind me.
"Is that the same one as before?" his friend asked just as the Hufflepuff table erupted in cheers and applause.
The newly minted Hufflepuff ambled over to the middle table, looking deliriously happy to join the new House.
"Yeah," Sirius said, less sure of himself now.
What did he have to unsure about?
When the Sorting ended, Headmaster Dumbledore gave a short speech - nothing I could remember afterwards, not with Sirius Black whispering to his friend. I kept wondering if they were whispering about my secret in public. Would the school know I was werewolf now? "Caretaker Filch has prepared a list of prohibited items that he would like to share. Mister Filch, if you would."
A middle aged man with a hunchback and old but neat clothes hobbled to the front of the room with a scroll. He unrolled it and then proceeded to list almost every toy you could purchase at Zonko's. Half way through his life, particularly when he read, "Dungbombs," the caretaker paused to narrow his eyes at the young wizards behind me. I turned and caught a glimpse of Sirius Black and his messy haired friend smiling back at the caretaker.
So they were troublemakers too, I thought forlornly as I turned back around. Troublemakers with knowledge of my secret.
I sighed, already exasperated by the whole thing. If they wanted to out me as a werewolf, I would rather they do it now rather than later.
Maybe they didn't know of my lycanthropy, I tried to convince myself.
That ended quickly.
What other secret could it have been but my lycanthropy? What other secret did I have besides that? They saw me in the hospital, wrapped in bandages. As purebloods raised entirely in the Wizarding World, they would know that only magical creatures could inflict wounds that couldn't be mended by healing spells.
I rubbed my shoulders, attempting to loosen the tension.
If they did spread my secret to the others…
The same students that applauded my entry and accepted me as one of their own - as wizarding kind - would easily denounce me as a monster. I couldn't blame them, I thought bitterly. I was a danger to their lives. At that moment, I imagined their eyes, the eyes of the entire Great Hall, changing from bright and welcoming to distrusting and hostile, narrowing in on the werewolf among the wizards. Letters would be sent home about a werewolf, a predator, me among the students, and I would be forced to withdraw from Hogwarts.
I feared it would happen in the future, but I had hoped that it wouldn't happen until another year or two.
"Remus," I heard Sirius Black whisper.
I chose to ignore it, keeping my eyes on the front while Dumbledore made his final speech. Black had already added unnecessary drama to my already difficult life at Platform 9 and 3/4. I didn't need more of it now.
"Remus," I heard again.
I turned, raising my eyebrows at the curious Gryffindor, taking in his dark curly hair and his grey eyes. Merlin, he was abnormally handsome.
"What year are you in?" he asked.
"Fifth Year," I answered, not wanting to seem standoffish.
"Same as us," his friend commented before introducing himself. "James Potter."
"Remus Lupin."
Once the Sorting ended, food was magically delivered to the table. Along with the food came lively conversation from the students about their summer. I found my new classmates friendly and curious about my age. None of them had ever met a wizard who started Hogwarts at 15.
"Why have you come to Hogwarts so late?" a fifth year asked. "Most wizards start school at 11."
"I was ill," I explained. I thought it was a good lie, a lie that I expected to use frequently this year to explain my monthly disappearances. Better get used to it now, I thought.
I glanced over to see if Sirius Black had heard. His eyes shifted to me and then he turned and smiled.
Maybe I would have to get used to him too.
I wanted to be here, at Hogwarts, but now it was beginning to be too much, like everything that happened before the Sorting foreshadowed an arduous year.