Dallas, Texas
November 1977
Sometimes JR hated his daddy. He loved him, of course, but he hated what Jock had done and continued to do.
He had a theory that if it weren't for other people, marriage would be easy. Unfortunately, he and Sue Ellen didn't exist separate to other people, especially living at Southfork.
Sue Ellen had always been fragile, that's why he had tried to be so careful with her, but she was even more fragile now. If his daddy hadn't been such a dominant presence in their lives, maybe she would've been okay. Instead, having Jock first look, then touch, and now passive-aggressively engage with her was taking its toll.
There was a time when he had been Sue Ellen's comfort, but slowly she'd retreated and continued to pull away. She was doing something wonderful for him, for them, for the family, and it was almost a miracle they'd even made it this far. But it hadn't turned out to be the joyful experience she'd expected, and seeing her struggle with that reality had him worried.
Everything Jock did was for his family, though sometimes he wondered why, given they didn't seem to notice or appreciate it. Miss Ellie was consumed by holiday preparations, baby preparations, DOA events, and trying to parent Lucy. Bobby was rarely home, even when he wasn't on the road for Ewing Oil. Lucy, too, had become elusive, showing up to mandatory events only sporadically, with the rest of her time unaccounted for.
JR was employee of the month when it came to attending professional events, but there was a clear distance between them on a personal level. Most of their conversations started and ended with Ewing Oil, nothing else. Then there was Sue Ellen, moving through life like a wallflower, quiet and withdrawn. She gave him little opportunity to understand what was really going on beyond her polite façade.
Surprisingly, the friendliest, most engaged person at Thanksgiving dinner had been Patricia. The woman was an opportunist, always knowing just the right things to say. She spoke glowingly about John Ross Ewing III and what he would mean for the family, and Jock was pleased to hear her pride, especially her pride in the fact that it was her daughter, Sue Ellen, who had been chosen to carry on his name. For the first time in months, he had the chance to publicly share his delight without it seeming too involved, even though there was a very real chance he was very involved.
He'd never looked forward to the Shepard family's visits before, but when Patricia and Kristin left the Sunday after Thanksgiving, he felt their absence immediately. It stung all the more when his own family quickly retreated to their separate lives, lives that, more often than not, he felt excluded from.
December 1977
Nine months ago, she'd stood in this same spot in her bedroom, studying her reflection in the mirror, letting herself imagine she was as she was now. Back then, Sue Ellen had assumed women revelled in the joy of watching themselves change. Nine months ago, she'd been living in a constant daydream.
Now, her thoughts and feelings were quite different from what she'd expected, even if her heart was still in a good place. She was huge; she didn't feel pretty or healthy, and she was tired of it.
Doctor Lewis was the first to reassure her that, considering her height, she wasn't nearly heavy enough to be concerned, and she was measuring right on track. Still, being medically fine and feeling fine were two separate things. She wasn't sleeping well, struggling at night to get comfortable, and during the day because the baby liked to kick whenever she lay down. Intimacy with JR didn't help, massages didn't help, new pillows didn't help, tea didn't help, nothing helped.
Exercise had dwindled with the change of seasons; the weather was too cold for swimming, and her shifting centre of gravity made running and stretching more effort than it was worth. She felt unfit and unhappy.
Depressingly, out in public, people treated her like an invalid, opening doors and carrying packages for her, not because she was a lady, but because she was so obviously expecting. She was sure she'd become frumpy. Though she still kept up with visits to the salon and shops, she no longer looked like herself.
JR hadn't said anything unkind, but his actions spoke volumes. In the beginning, he'd been incredibly complimentary of her changing body, delighting in having more of her to enjoy. Now, though, he mostly complimented her when she was dressed. She couldn't help but notice that when they were intimate, he often opted for positions where he was behind her; he said it was for her comfort, but she suspected it was so he could imagine she was still the slim woman he'd married.
Even Jock had stopped leering at her, not that she missed his attention. His gaze and attention had never been the kind she wanted, and its absence was more of a relief than anything else.
It wasn't safe for the baby to come yet, there were still a couple of months left before they were ready, but she couldn't wait for that time to pass. She didn't want her old life back; she very much wanted the baby. However, if she could have the baby and her old body too, that would be perfect.