"Oh, Miss Farrell. It's a terrible thing your friend is going through but that's not to say that you would have the same experience."
"Exactly, look at Mrs. Greer and myself. We've both delivered perfectly healthy children, haven't we, Mrs. Greer?"
"Indeed we have, Mrs. Pugh."
The two older women sat with Grace at the kitchen table, offering words of wisdom and consolation.
Grace shook her head in despair. "Mr. Warbucks said that too, but you see, it's not only my fears about carrying a baby, it's the consideration I feel I must make for Gloria. How can I be her friend and go on to have a child when she cannot?"
Mrs. Greer sighed. "A truer friend you would not find", she stroked Grace's hair affectionately. "But you can't put your own dreams and desires aside for that reason."
"Exactly!" Mrs. Pugh concurred. "Do you think your friend would be happy to know you've decided not to have children because she can't?"
Grace shook her head somberly. "I don't know. I suppose not."
"I understand it could be painful for her and I appreciate you not wanting to be the cause of her pain, but as your friend she will be glad for you too, won't she?"
Grace released a shuddery breath. "You didn't see her in that hospital. She was so broken. Like her whole world had ended, and her husband was so worried. I would never want to put Mr. Warbucks through that, I just couldn't."
"But you mightn't have to, you might go on to have a perfectly straightforward pregnancy and deliver a beautiful, healthy baby", Mrs. Pugh tried to encourage her.
Grace was traumatized by what she had seen Gloria and Fred go through and she had far too much compassion than to try and achieve success where she knew they never could.
At least for now, there was no way her mind could be swayed.
She shook her head. "I just can't."
Mrs. Pugh put her arm around Grace's shoulders in comfort and understanding. "And what about Mr. Warbucks? How does this affect the two of you?"
Grace began to weep then. The thought of losing him was even more distressing to her now than the thought of never having the chance to be a Mother.
"I'm so in love with him, Mrs. Pugh", she sobbed honestly in her friend's caring embrace. "But I can't expect him to carry on a relationship with me if we can't sleep together. It's not fair on a man."
Mrs. Pugh and Mrs. Greer broke from their concern to share a delightful look over Grace's confession of love for their employer. "But you've made him so happy, and…there are other ways those needs can be met", Mrs. Greer pointed out, receiving slightly scandalized looks from Grace and Mrs. Pugh.
Again, Grace shook her head. "He's so angry at me. He's been so good to me and I've let him down. I don't know if he's ever going to forgive me."
"Of course he will. He's in love with you too, desperately so", Mrs. Greer assured her.
"My dear, you're suffering. I'm sure he understands that. He doesn't want to see you hurting anymore than the rest of us do", Mrs. Pugh added.
It didn't matter, Grace thought to herself, even if Mr. Warbucks did reciprocate her feelings. She knew now what he needed and what he wanted and those were things she just could not give to him.
As painful as it was for her, Grace knew that if she truly loved Mr. Warbucks, she had to let him go.
…
The following days were very tense for everyone at the Warbucks' mansion, not only for Grace and Oliver, though of course the tension between the two of them was at its highest, but every other person in residence was subject to the awkwardness and discomfort whenever the two of them were in the same room together, which was, of course, a lot.
Oliver was moody and confused. Basically, he was feeling hurt and it wasn't a nice feeling to sit with - for him, or for Grace, knowing that he was sitting with the feeling because of her.
They were preparing to go out to an event one morning where Oliver was to speak. The air between him and Grace was so thick you couldn't have hacked through it with a machete.
"Do you have my notes?" He asked her in a low tone of voice.
"I thought I gave them to you already", she replied tersely and Oliver sighed heavily.
"Don't worry, I'll find them", she said, sounding stressed and quickly began rifling through the desk for his speech notes.
Seeing her so tightly wound, all Oliver wanted to do was to take her in his arms and console her. He reached out and touched her shoulder. "It's alright, Grace, just take a breath."
She didn't flinch but she did look at his hand almost mournfully, then slowly withdrew from his touch.
Oliver shook his head. "Why does it have to be like this? I don't understand. I thought we were…"
"It's better this way", she told him firmly, her jaw set astutely, though her voice shook as she spoke. "For both of us."
"Have you even, for a moment, stopped to consider what I might want in all of this?" He narrowed his eyes on her. "Or have you just been confident enough to assume?"
"I know what you want", she croaked assuredly. "And I can't give any of it to you."
Oliver looked at her in despair. He could see that her heart was breaking just as much as his was, yet she was so determined to shut him out.
He understood that she no longer wanted to have a child, but why did that mean that they couldn't still have a close relationship? After all, it was the years before they'd begun being physically intimate that the enduring strength of their partnership had been formed, and such a marvelous partnership it was, even before it had become physical or romantic, though he had to admit, that part of it had been a very delightful bonus, and he couldn't just turn his feelings of affection for her off.
Of course, their exploits in the bedroom (and the one time in the bathroom), had titillated him, but it wasn't those experiences that made Oliver fall for her. Those were simply the times when he was allowed to express it.
It was her tenderness and patience with him. It was the playful flirtation and their shared laughter, the emotional closeness which had caused him to become so besotted with her, how impressed he was with her strength to keep trying for a baby, despite recurring disappointment.
And her body was an absolute temple, that was to be sure, but it was her warm, compassionate heart that he loved above all else, and her brilliant, thoughtful mind which attracted him so.
He could forgo the sex, as wonderful as it had been. He didn't need it, but he did, as every human does, need love.
He just knew he would never spend another day alive, not in love with her.
He knew his feelings were reciprocated too. That was the most infuriating part. She loved him, he was sure of it, and yet she was denying them both the opportunity to be together. She'd said she was trying to protect him, but from what? Couldn't she see that all he wanted in the world was her?
His thoughts of lamentation were disrupted by her suddenly pushing a stack of small slips of paper into his hands. "Here they are, um…listen, I think you can handle this on your own today, I really think I need to stay behind."
He bowed his head in melancholy, knowing she was simply trying to put some distance between them. "Very well, if that's what you wish."
"Thank you", she murmured before walking out of the room.
Oliver sighed as he watched her go. None of this new dynamic was right. If only she could at least be his friend again.
Grace ran outside and hid behind a pillar where no one was able to see her before she started to cry.
She was trying to let Mr. Warbucks move on but everything inside of her ached whenever she was around him. She found it so tough just being near him and not even allowing herself to touch him. Even just to look at him meant that her resolve was in danger of crumbling.
With a heavy heart, Grace began to contemplate whether the very best thing for both of them would be for her to do the one thing they had set out to avoid when he had proposed that he be the one to Father her child. Perhaps, to escape pain for them both, she needed to leave…
…
Oliver drove in the Duesenberg to his old neighborhood, Hell's Kitchen. He was there to attend the groundbreaking of a new apartment building. He paid homage to the place he grew up in, earning much approval from everyone in attendance, although his tone was lackluster, his heart really just not in it.
He smiled tightly for a photograph as he cut the ribbon on the lot and sighed in relief that he could finally get out of there.
He was still in a sour mood as he walked up to his car and when he noticed the group of children playfully climbing on it, he really lost his cool.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing? Get off of my car!" He barked at them all, causing them to leap off the car and run away in fright.
Grumpily, he checked the car over for marks, scowling in the side mirror before getting in and driving hastily out of his old neighborhood.
…
"Oh, dear", Grace held her head in her hands as she read the paper the following morning.
The good publicity of Mr. Warbucks' successful groundbreaking and inspiring speech had been marred by reports of his brashness towards the children who had been playing around his car.
People were so desperate to make money these days that every little thing was ripe for sensationalization. Unfortunately for him, he'd managed to get himself caught in the trap.
And it wasn't the last time it occurred either, with Grace avoiding him as much as possible and more of his factories closing due to the economic crisis, Oliver's stress management was monumentally poor and he seemed to have become a very easy target for reporters to pick on.
Any little thing he did out in public began to be scrutinized and over the following few weeks, it was like he became enemy number one in the eyes of the media.
Grace's earlier thoughts of leaving to save them both the heartache had been pushed aside by her loyalty and her need to support him while he was being so severely ganged up on. There were times when she thought his behavior probably warranted the bad press, but nevertheless, she just couldn't abandon him while he was in such a hard spot, especially knowing that she was the cause for much of his frustration.
"You really have to watch what you do and say", she reminded him desperately one morning after another damming report had put yet another dent in his credibility. "If your name continues to be put out by the press for all the wrong reasons, fairly soon nobody will want to work with you."
"Ha!" He tipped back a large glass of brandy. "Next you'll be telling me not to breathe. Perhaps that'll appease everyone", he pouted.
She gasped. "Don't you dare say a thing like that!" Grace yelled at him in horror and in fear that he might have actually been serious.
"Why the hell not? It's not as if anyone would care", he snarled darkly.
Grace gaped at him. She knew he was feeling hurt but she had no idea of the extent of his melancholia.
"How could you think that?"
When he looked up at her, there were tears in her eyes.
"You really think I wouldn't care if you died?" She asked him in disbelief.
She cared for him an immesurable amount. So much so that despite her feelings for him and her desperate wish to be with him, she was deliberately trying to push him away, to selflessly allow him the opportunity to meet someone else with whom he could fall in love and have a family
All Oliver knew was that Grace was scared of having children and that because of that, she was no longer interested in having a physical relationship with him. Despite his understanding of her situation and her needs, he was still so disappointed and dismayed at not being able to enjoy the same kind of relationship with her that had begun to blossom. Not to mention how excited he'd become by the thought of forming his own little family with her.
His jaw was clenched in disappointment and self-pity "It's not as if you have any use for me any more. Heck, with the money I'm leaving you when I do finally drop dead, you could probably pay someone to have children for you."
The slap across his face came as a shock to him, despite the coldness of his words.
Grace was steaming mad, yet she was instantly remorseful for hitting him.
"Forgive me", she gasped, feeling such shame.
Oliver stared at her open-mouthed for several long moments, then slowly shook his head and croaked, "Forgive me."
They stared into each others' eyes, each trying to convey the same mix of sorrow and sympathy.
The office phone rang shrilly, startling both of them.
Regretfully, Oliver tore his gaze away from Grace and strolled over to the phone to answer it. "Warbucks."
His eyes remained fixed to Grace as he listened to the person on the other end of the line. Once he heard what they had to say, he let out a long drawn-out sigh, rubbing his face wearily with his free hand.
"Yes, I hear what you're saying. Look, I've been thinking I'm going to need to get out on the road and see the situation first hand. It sounds like Wilmington should be my first stop."
Hearing his part of the conversation, Grace picked up her notebook and wrote down "Wilmington, DE."
"Alright, thank you Robert."
He ended the call and sat down on the corner of his desk, tapping his foot nervously. He raised his eyes to look at Grace. He knew it was awful of him to go straight into talking about business after the direction their conversation had taken just before the phone call, but he needed to address this urgently with her as his secretary.
"Um, that was Robert Price, the manager at the iron ore plant in Wilmington. Things are pretty dire up there. He's suggesting I may need to come and have a look." He tapped the desk uneasily. "I know it's been difficult for us to talk these past few weeks but I have in fact been thinking that I'll need to do a broader inspection tour of my factories, at least the ones currently sitting in the red."
She cleared her throat, her voice shaking as she spoke. "Yes, I think that's a good idea, not just for you to be able to see where things are but for the workers to see your face. I'm sure it will do a great deal to boost morale."
Oliver wasn't sure about that. Mind you, he was feeling pretty low about himself currently and he'd been doing a lot of things which only exacerbated the issue.
Grace knew she had a part to play in his ill-temperament too. She hadn't realized, even in her own mind, how deep his feelings for her really were, nor how he'd begun to want a child as well, and how hurt her decision to stop their relationship would make him feel.
She truly didn't want to cause him pain. She was only trying to do the kindest thing by both of them.
At least this had them talking again, she thought silently to herself. His harsh words and her slap to his face seemed to serve as a bit of a shake up for them both.
"Do you think you could manage things here while I'm away? I'll probably need to be gone for about six weeks."
Grace swallowed thickly. Not only would it be tough there, running things without him, but the house would feel so dreadfully empty without him. Still, she put on a brave and professional face. "Yes, I'll manage."
Hesitantly, he asked, "Do you think you could help me work on a touring map?"
To Grace's credit, she was able to put their strained relationship to the side for now and jump straight back into being his dutiful secretary. "We'll need to include those factories most in danger of closure."
"Yes, and especially those showing signs of underperformance. I'd like to be able to bring some back from the brink if I can, as many as I can."
Grace nodded in agreement with him. She didn't want to see his factories close any more than he did. "Let's draw up a schedule."
They sat together at the desk, coordinating a nation-wide inspection tour for him to take.
"When will you leave?" She enquired softly.
"I'd like to be back before Christmas if at all possible so it will need to be fairly soon. Probably the first week of November."
Grace blinked, realizing that it was already the end of the first week of October. If they were still keeping to the schedule they'd been following for trying to get her pregnant, this would have been the week they would have been making their next attempt. No wonder they were both in such a state.
She didn't know if he felt similarly to her but her body literally ached for human touch.
Clearing her throat, she returned her attention to the task at hand. "I'll start arranging your accommodation in all the cities we've outlined."
"Thank you."
She sighed heavily. "I do worry that with you leaving for this tour, people are going to criticize you for skipping town to avoid more bad press."
Oliver bowed his head. He knew he'd been acting disgracefully, but he'd been feeling so distraught. He also knew that she was right, the public would likely accuse him of trying to run away from his problems, which would, again, paint him in a bad light.
"Now, please don't bite my head off this time but what are you going to do to bring people back around to you? Something has to be done."
"I don't know", he shook his head soberly. "I mean, for God's sake, I have enough to worry about with this tour coming up now, don't I?"
She sighed again. "Yes. Yes, you do. Let me try and come up with an idea."
He nodded gently. "I appreciate it. I'm…sorry to leave it on you. I'm sorry I've been behaving so badly. In public and at home."
Grace lowered her eyes. "You've been under a lot of pressure and the things going on between us haven't helped."
He looked at her forlornly. "No, they haven't...I just don't understand why you feel the need to keep me at arms' length, Grace. Are you worried I can't control myself around you?"
She pursed her lips, a blush rising to her cheeks. "It's not you I'm worried about. Don't you know how difficult it would be to be near you, to hold you and touch you and not let things get too far?"
He blushed then too. He knew he'd made her quite happy during their physical encounters, her response to him proved it, but he never realized how much she desired him.
Even more reason for him to feel disappointed about her decision not to want to carry on their intimate relationship.
"I'm going to start telephoning the hotels to make your reservations", she announced, breaking him out of his thoughts.
His shoulders slumped as she turned her attention back to work, effectively ending their conversation.
He knew from experience now how happy they could really make each other.
How he wished he could somehow make her change her mind.
…
Two weeks later, Grace received a surprise phone call from Gloria. She hadn't expected to hear from her friend. It had been only five weeks since she'd been discharged from the hospital after losing her baby and almost losing her own life.
Gloria asked Grace to meet her on her next day off. She could only feel glad about her decision to stop trying for a baby. Hers and Gloria's friendship meant so much to Grace and she would feel so guilty for having a baby when Gloria no longer could.
The dangers of something going wrong for Grace were also still a frightening factor and Grace knew that with every day that passed, the risks only increased.
When Grace greeted her friend she wore an empathetic smile. "Hello my dear."
"Hi Gracie", Gloria returned the greeting warmly.
"How are you?" Grace asked gently as the two ladies took a seat.
"I'm…doing well…Gracie, I want to introduce you to someone", she glanced to her left and for the first time Grace noticed a small seven year old blonde girl with the most precious little face smiling shyly at her.
"This is Julie…my daughter."
When Grace turned her eyes back to Gloria the other woman was smiling emotionally.
Grace's eyes flicked back and forth between the woman and child in astonishment. "Oh, Gloria, you're a Mother."
Both women began to weep. "I am", Gloria sobbed, her magnificent grin never leaving her face. She turned to her daughter and said softly. "Julie, this is my very good friend, Miss Farrell."
"Hello Miss Farrell." she said so sweetly it made Grace's heart melt.
Grace's face softened, her heart turning to absolute mush. "Hello Julie. I'm so happy to meet you." She turned back to Gloria. "Oh, Gloria, she's just darling but…I'm just so surprised. How did this all happen so quickly?"
"One of the nurses at the hospital suggested adoption to me, seeing how distraught I was at no longer being able to have children of my own. She referred me to Mr. Donatelli at the New York Board of Orphans and he invited me to come into the New York municipal orphanage. I don't know how to explain it, Gracie, but the moment I saw Julie, I just knew that she was meant to be mine."
Grace reached across and took her hand as Gloria's voice began to shake with emotion.
"Fred absolutely adores her too, he's so wonderful with her. We've both completely fallen in love witth her."
Grace gave Gloria's hand a firm squeeze. "I'm so happy for you."
And she was, she absolutely was, though her joy was tinged ever so slightly with sadness for herself.
Had she been so consumed with worry over hurting her friend's feelings, for nothing? Grace knew that there was still a chance that it would make Gloria sad if she was able to carry and give birth to a baby of her own and that having a child biologically and adopting one was quite a different thing.
From the way Gloria spoke about Julie however, it seemed there was no difference in the amount of love she felt for her new child than there would have been had the girl come from her own womb.
Suddenly, Grace had an epiphany. An idea began to form in her mind for how she might be able to improve Mr. Warbucks' image while also potentially improving her own situation as well.
Getting him to agree to it would be the tricky part, but she did reconcile the fact that the two incidents where Oliver had lost his cool in public and lashed out, both happened to involve children. Since then, it was his attitude towards that particular demographic that people seemed to pay closest attention to and so it was that one he needed to work on the most.
If they could host an orphan child, exposing them to a life of splendor and joy, and, of course, be photographed while doing so, his public image was bound to improve.
And, at the risk of getting too far ahead of herself, if Mr. Warbucks became fond of the child and somehow developed an attachment to him or her, Grace might be able to grant him his wish to become a Father, after all.
"Gloria, I wonder, could you give me the phone number for Mr. Donatelli, please?"