Did I just… Return by Death?

Subaru sat on a pile of hay; his hands loosely chained to the wall that he rested on. The sun's rays flooded through the iron grate above him. They caressed Subaru like gentle angels as their soft touches warmed the stone walls and floor of the cell, making him feel like he had a cozy blanket wrapped around him.

A putrid stench burned at Subaru's nostrils, making him grimace instinctively. His hand instinctively went to squeeze his nose, shutting it as he tried breathing through his mouth. Unfortunately, the smell of copper and feces were now being processed by his tongue, almost like he ate and drank bile.

He quickly tried to cover his mouth under his shirt, attempting to use the otherworldly black silk as a breathing mask for all the gunk that was in the air around him. His brows furrowed in confusion as his fingers caressed his skin rather than the shirt. Looking down at his body, his eyes widened in surprise.

Where are my clothes?!

A light breeze coming from the grate brushed his naked body, like it was taunting him.

He quickly reached to cover his privates with his other hand. Both of his hands were fully occupied now.

His right hand was used to shut his nose. He lightly inhaled and exhaled from his mouth, careful not to breathe in too much air due to its vomiting taste. Meanwhile, his left hand covered something that only belonged to him.

And maybe someone else.

Did I… return before the second day after the attack?

Subaru's mind raced as sweat formed on his forehead. His head was like a machine trying to understand a complex equation.

Why was he in a cell? Why was he naked? Why does it smell so putrid?

I can't believe Gilli's rookie knight just killed me like that! Since when was he following me?!

Each breath Subaru took was like vile poison being placated over his tongue. It scraped at the back of his throat as it traveled down his esophagus.

And why does it smell like shit in here?! Did they seriously hold me for two days in this place?! Why is my save point back here anyway—

In an instant, Subaru realized a key point. A fact that was disguised by the disgusting smell of blood and feces. It cut through his mind like a beacon slicing the skies apart.

Emilia! She might still be in Priestella by now!

His heart pounded rapidly against his chest as a smile grew on his face, his white teeth evident. This conclusion was able to combat the disgusting smell, even neutralizing it from his senses.

Please! I hope this save point is far back enough!

Subaru leapt from the hay pile as he quickly ran to the cell bars. "Hey—" His attention was cut from the sudden pull on his wrists. Subaru looked back to see chains wrapped around his wrists, tightly digging in. They pulled at his two arms, keeping him from getting too close to the iron bars.

Ignoring the feeling of his arms being squeezed by the gripping cold metal, Subaru shouted for attention, "Hey! Anyone!" The calls sliced through the silence of the holding cell, waking any other potential inmates.

"Hello?! I'm right here!" Subaru's shouts rose as frustration grew. His chains clanked as he walked further to the iron bars of the cell, the skin of his wrists almost tearing off.

He was so close. He could almost reach them. Reach her.

Yet only silence answered.

Not a speck could be heard within the cell. No bird, insect, or even wind considered Subaru's pleas.

However, Subaru knew someone who would. Someone who would definitely come for anyone who called.

With a deafening shout, he ignored his vocal cords as they strained, "REINHARDT!" The name reverberated throughout the cell, bouncing off each wall. It was almost like the walls and floor of the cell shook at his call.

This time, Subaru got a reply in the form of a loud bang erupting from beyond the cell.

It was like a door that was suddenly forced open as it slammed against the wall adjacent to it. Hurried footsteps entered the room, their stomping increasing as they got closer to Subaru. Each step brought hope to the boy.

He was so close.

Subaru's smile grew wider as his eyes shined. He could almost taste his salvation.

"Reinha—"

"Shut the fuck up!" A burly man with a beard stomped towards Subaru, his fists clenched in anger.

Subaru's smile froze on his face as he blinked. "Eh?"

The burly man furrowed his brown eyebrows as he clicked his tongue. "It's one after the fucking other, isn't it?" His finger pointed down at Subaru, "Shut the fuck up and stay put." His voice was deep and rough, anger and experience evident in his tone. It was like he was trying to intimidate the boy in front of him.

Subaru's mind was blank, empty.

The burly man stomped back out of the room. A loud thud resounded as the door was forcefully closed shut, almost like he wanted it to be heard by the inmate.

The thud slammed against Subaru's mind, unfreezing it.

His smile died as he desperately pleaded for attention, "W-wait!" He tried reaching for the man but was snapped to a stop by his chains.

Still, Subaru was determined to see his camp. Even if the man had already left, he didn't give up. "Look! I know you don't know me but, I've had my name eaten!" He was unrelenting as his voice rose.

He was close. Really close. If he could just get past this and talk to the angry man… He could get out and be with them. Although the man was a bit scary, he didn't falter.

His wrath was nothing compared to the hope of seeing his Beako. He realized last night that he needed her. He couldn't sleep without her, that's why he chose to escape. Her small body acted like a stuffed animal for him, soothing his nerves. Without his Beako, he could only twist and turn in his bed as a void feeling clenched at his heart.

"If you just get me to Emilia or any member of our camp, I can confirm it! I was the one who reminded everyone who Julius was!"

His voice cracked with desperation as he tried pulling at any string he could find, hoping that someone would come to his rescue.

"Hello?!"

Would anyone come for him? Did he have the right for people to come for him?

No, he surely did. He did so much after all. He tried so hard to gain their trust, dying so many times. He took all their burdens. So, of course they surely loved him. They had to.

But then, why was no one responding to his pleas?

Did they already depart Priestella, leaving him stuck in a rotten cell?

"…Anybody?" His voice weakened as a lump formed in his throat. Subaru held back his tears by squeezing his eyelids shut. They twitched frantically as he pushed harder on them.

Now that he Returned by Death, he could be with them again. This was his only hope yet now it was slipping like sand between his fingers.

"…please…" Each silent answer from the cell only helped at plucking out his last strands of hope.

"Anybody… please…" His back hunched as he curled into himself, his knees dropping to the ground. His hands hung loosely at his sides, caressing the warm rock floor. He bathed in the sunlight coming from the grate behind him.

But Subaru didn't feel its warmth.

"Please…somebody..." Small tears fell down his cheeks as he sniffed his drooping snot.

Why did he have to be left alone? Why was it always him? Did he deserve it? Is that why? That must've been why.

He deserved it. He was a selfish, lazy waste of space. A wretch that should be in the deepest layers of hell. Wasn't that what this world was? Hell? Constantly dying, suffering, then doing it all over again? Wasn't that Hell?

Ah, yes. That must've been it.

He must've been summoned to suffer right? So that he can suffer for his sins, right? He was a true sinner cast away in Hell, right? Return by Death was just one of the many torture devices.

It must've been. Yes, it was. And he needed to repent for whatever he must've done.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being selfish. Please forgive me. Please don't leave me.

Every death, every suffering, and everything he achieved was gone. Forgotten.

Every time Emilia laughed with a slight blush at his jokes was gone.

Every time Beatrice squealed cutely when she was picked up was gone.

His entire joy was taken, ripped apart by Gluttony. His entire dream of a happy ending, the one where he laughed with his friends, smiling alongside a bright future, could never happen.

That was the only thing that motivated him in this hell, the thing that kept him going. He didn't mind going through a million deaths if it meant keeping them all safe and happy.

He would save them.

But now, with nothing but his erased name, he fell down a well of despair within his mind.

He couldn't do anything. So, he begged.

His greedy desires leaked out his mouth in a weak whisper, "Somebody… please…" He sniffled as words that he deemed unworthy of himself to say left his mouth, "Save me." His self-centered request made him shudder.

How could a sinner such as him even be allowed to be saved?

Disgusting.

His teeth clenched as he raised his right hand to his left arm. His fingernails dug into the limb as blood emerged from his skin. His fingertips were red as he started scratching himself. His nerves screamed in pain, each scratch ripping off a piece of skin. The searing heat on his arm hurt, replacing the despair in his brain with screeching pain.

He preferred it this way. The pain saved him from the abyss of his mind.

As he scratched his nerves away, less and less pain distracted his mind from his cursed thoughts, threatening him to get taken by the darkness. This made him dig deeper into his skin, searching for more nerves to burn, for more pain to consume him. He would repeat this process, constantly digging to find nerves to scratch away.

This was his loop of torment. One that distracted him from his warped truth, occupying his senses, and even removing any passage of time.

He couldn't even notice the man standing in front of him, too distracted as he struggled to fill his mind with more and more pain.

The man had unkempt brown hair, adorning a knight uniform with a loosely secured sword on his waist. His irises were void of color as they pierced Subaru in an analytical gaze.

The man watched in apathy as Subaru's cradled arm waterfalled blood onto the floor.

Sighing, he opened the already unlocked gate of the cell. He never needed to lock it anyway thanks to the chains.

Subaru paid no mind to the man approaching him as his brain flooded with electricity, effectively distracting all his senses as they focused on the searing heat on his arm.

Unfortunately for Subaru, he would have to switch arms soon as most of the epidermis of his upper arm and wrist had been dug out. It was like a couple of children dug a sandpit on a beach. The ripped skin around the digging site lay loosely against his arm. His half-eaten limb created a waterfall of blood, flowing down to create a small lake where his dead skin floated, bouncing off the edges of the puddle.

Subaru's body shadowed his arm, protecting it from the sunlight. Due to the darkness, he couldn't see his reflection in the puddle of blood. He was glad he couldn't see his disgusting self.

Within the dark putrid cell, a light shone, refracting off the red pool and onto Subaru.

Subaru's dark eyes reflected a blueish-green glow on his arm. The light flooded into his injury as they repaired his epidermis. It was warm, like Subaru was holding a hot pack in freezing temperatures.

Suddenly, Subaru felt a light pressure on atop his skull. A hand slowly caressed his head, rubbing his hair.

It soothed him, slightly neutralizing his scrambled mind.

Did he deserve this warmth? He didn't know.

Subaru's eyes shifted to his right hand. His fingernails were stuffed with blood and dead skin as his entire hand looked like it had been dipped in red paint. His chest frantically heaved up and down as each breath entered and escaped his lips. His eyes were bloodshot as adrenaline coursed through his body, attempting to repair the wound. Each frenzied beat of his heart forced more blood through his veins, resulting in small spurts of blood from his damaged arm.

Now that he stopped scratching, his thoughts would soon consume him again. Yet, Subaru felt no desire to keep going, rather he focused on his breathing as a hand kept gently patting his hair. Each breath was deep as he calmly closed his eyes, relishing the warmth around him.

His mind slowed down as the healing continued.

Subaru stayed like this for a few minutes, silent.

He then felt the warmth from his right arm leave, making him slowly open his eyes. His arm was completely healed, only scratch scars adorned it now. The blue-green light was gone and along with it, so did the headpats. Instead, two hands grabbed his right hand, which was covered in the red blood of his former digging pit.

A calm voice resounded as one of the hands hung above Subaru's bloodied one, "Byura."

Soon, multiple small water droplets floated up as they left both of Subaru's bloodied arms. More specifically, the water drained from the blood coating his limbs, leaving behind a dry, clinging layer on his skin.

Subaru looked in wonder as his blood completely dried on his hand along with a ball of water hovering right above it. The water then moved methodically through his fingertips, cleaning the space within his nails. Small pieces of dried skin fell as it continued its washing.

Subaru tried turning his head, attempting to look at the man crouched next to him.

Splash.

Subaru's vision was blurry as he felt his entire face get splashed in water. The sudden impact reminded him of water balloon fights he would have when he was a kid.

"Ugh…" With a groan, he lowered his head as he wiped his face with his left hand. His eyes blinked rapidly as they attempted to get the water out.

Slightly looking back up, he saw a man with colorless eyelids staring at him, his expression unreadable.

Gilli Catalan Polle.

He doesn't know me now…

The captain quickly adorned a small smile, his voice slightly amused. "I know I told you that we'd be seeing each other again, but I didn't expect it'd be so soon."

Subaru's mind blanked once more. What?

His eyes widened as he looked at the crouched captain next to him. "This—," Subaru coughed, his throat filled with ash. He didn't care about it as he pressed his question with desperation.

His voice quaked as he swallowed. "I-is Emilia here?"

Gilli Catalan Polle sighed softly, "No." His words were blunt, uncaring to Subaru's state of mind.

Those words pierced through the boy's heart, almost shattering it. Subaru bit his lips as he held back the cries of his soul. He looked back down as he tried to hide his pathetic face.

He didn't remember who Emilia was last time.

Subaru finally realized what was going on.

"How—how many days has it been? Since the attack?" His voice was low, almost weak, as if it held untold sadness behind it.

"This is the third day." Gilli's resolute voice only helped to confirm Subaru's suspicion.

I'm such an idiot.

He didn't Return by Death. He didn't die. He just got knocked out.

The fact that he didn't die should've made him happy. The fact someone didn't just outright kill him was something he should have been grateful for.

Yet, he couldn't let out a sigh of relief. Deep down, he wished that the 'rookie' killed him. If he did, he could go back and see her again.

Isn't that why he didn't stop himself from scratching too deeply?

Each scratch was a step closer to her. To his dream. The pouring blood would send him back. His pain would take him to her.

And when this very hope of seeing her was seized from him by the jade-like glow, his subconscious sneered, almost hateful of the man healing him.

How dare he block his path to salvation?

Subaru's eyes darkened.

No. He didn't deserve such a thing. Such a thing—

A chilling sensation cut through Subaru's spiraling thoughts.

"Huma."

His body twitched in surprise as he looked towards the captain. The man held a small ice cube as he placed them atop Subaru's head.

"You awake?" Gilli chuckled as he joked, his voice gentle. He continued placing stone-cold ice cubes on Subaru's head.

With a glare, the boy slowly nodded as he stood up away from the bloodied floor. The cubes fell with small clangs onto the ground as he bent forward to stand.

Now on his feet he felt his blood rush through his body, invigorating him and jumpstarting his senses back. He realized that his wrists were lighter than they were. Looking down he could see his open chains on the ground.

When did he—

As well as his naked body.

With his two hands, his eyes slightly widened as he quickly covered his privates. He felt his hair stand up as he realized that a stranger saw his naked body.

"Byura."

Once again, the captain's firm voice resounded within the cell as water droplets floated rose his leg, gathering into a small point atop the captain's palm. Subaru imagined this is what it looked like to watch rain in reverse as it floated back into the clouds.

"What… what is that spell?" Subaru's observed the show with a blank expression.

"Water magic." Gilli focused on controlling his Od as he answered. His smile died down, making him unreadable. "Peel off the red blood from your arm while I clean up here." His command left no questions.

Subaru raised his right arm, still careful to keep his privacy hidden within the grasp of his left hand.

The raised arm had a dried layer of blood covering it. Simply rubbing his arm against his body was enough to make flakes of blood drift off into the wind, falling like leaves towards the ground. Subaru quickly cleaned himself as the captain used Byura on the remaining blood.

Gilli finally finished using magic to remove the water from Subaru's bloodied body. The boy didn't realize it but his legs, specifically his knees, were also doused in his own blood.

Wiping his hands, Gilli sighed as he stood up, grabbing a set of light brown garments that were hidden behind him.

"Put these on," he commanded.

Subaru blinked.

"Hello?" Gilli asked curiously, his voice slightly rising.

"O-oh, y-yeah." Subaru quickly took the clothes from the captain's hands as he moved away from him.

Turning around, he quickly fitted the pants on him, urgent to cover his remaining dignity.

His voice cracked as his head turned to meet the captain's gaze, "Uhm… You don't happen to have underwear, do you?" His self-deprecating humor obvious.

Gilli didn't answer, only staring back at him with a steady gaze.

Subaru plastered an awkward smile as he forced a chuckle, "Haha… right, of course you don't."

Man, this is embarrassing, can't believe he saw me do that…

Turning his head back around, he quickly pulled in the pants and shirt over him. He was pleasantly surprised to see that they fit him perfectly, almost too perfectly.

Subaru turned back to the captain, rubbing his head with his purple hand. "Sorry about that whole thing." His voice quaked as he thought of what just happened.

Seriously embarrassing. Good job Subaru. He sighed as he thought of the blueish-green light that healed him. I didn't know the captain was a healer like Ferris.

Gilli's firm voice rang, "Don't worry about it." Turning around, Gilli gestured for Subaru to follow, "Follow me."

Seeing the captain walk out of the holding cell, Subaru tried to regain his composure.

Slap!

Two red marks appeared on his cheeks as he quickly ran up to the captain, arriving next to him.

Gilli was slightly taller than Subaru, making the boy look up at him when they spoke. "Busy guy, huh? Not even waiting for me, it's like you're trying to act cool." He smirked, though the humor in his voice was an obvious attempt at steadying his nerves.

The captain looked down at Subaru, his colorless iris evident. "I'm going to ask this but," His voice was stern like he was admonishing a criminal. Subaru breath hitched at the captain's judging look. "You didn't happen to plan your escape with that bloody carriage?"

Subaru's brows furrowed as his head shook in confusion, "What bloody carria—" A memory flashed in his mind, cutting him off:

A guard bending over, vomiting his insides as two ground dragons stood tall, attached to a carriage.

The other guard shouting orders to another.

Him almost escaping only to get tripped and pinned down.

A headless corpse bathing in a small pool of its own blood on the carriage footboards.

"Oh, that…" He probably thinks I planned that.

Typically, he would be sweating bullets, trying to think of a way to make the other person believe him. It was way too suspicious after all. He left for the exit gate on the night when a headless body appeared to distract the guards. Plus, he patiently waited behind a wall like he was expecting the carriage to arrive.

These coincidences were too high. If Rem saw him now… No. She wouldn't kill him, right? I mean now that his name was gone, so did Rem's memories of him.

He looked up at Gilli. Would he believe him?

His interrogation flashed in his mind as he saw those colorless irises.

"Why do you think it concerns you to know if I trust you or not?"

Subaru shook his head as he resolved himself. He swallowed his worries as he looked up to Gilli, "No, I didn't know about it."

Gilli hesitated before speaking. Subaru's hearth thumped against his chest as his fingers twitched in worried anticipation. Will I die?

The captain's voice was casual, "Hmm. Alright, I don't really believe you," Subaru clenched his teeth. Damn, so much for that!

"But it doesn't really matter now."

Subaru furrowed his brows, curious at what Gilli was implying, "What do you mean?"

Gilli looked ahead as they continued walking past numerous empty cells. "You broke the law. Martial Law. You're a criminal now."

Subaru's breath hitched as he stopped in place. His eyes widened as they watched Gilli's back continuing to get further and further from him. "Wait! What do you mean?!" He shouted as he fast-walked back to the captain's side, his arms moving back and forth along his body.

"I told you yesterday, didn't I? To try not to leave. Now you're going to get punished. That's where we're heading."

Subaru's mouth opened slightly.

I'm not going to get, like beheaded or something, right? Right?!

Subaru stared in disbelief as they passed through an open doorway.

Looking to his left, Subaru saw the same burly man who had screamed at him, now seated on a chair guarding the doorway. Where his eyes once burned with wrath as he glared at Subaru through the iron bars, they now held only a hint of fear.

What the hell happened to him?

Subaru shifted his gaze back to Gilli, looking up at his black, colorless eyes.

Did he scold the asshole? Damn, you really are a nice—

"I didn't do anything. He's like that cause of your file."

This guy… can he actually read minds?

"No, I can't."

"Fuck off, no way." Subaru retorted bluntly. His heart bumped loudly against his chest. How the hell did he do that?! Can he actually?! Every time I look at him it's like I'm being watched by a pervert!

Gilli only chuckled to himself as he ignored the contemplating boy next to him. They continued, walking through narrow stone walls. It twisted and turned in random directions, leaving Subaru completely lost. He couldn't even find his way back to his cell anymore.

The corridors were illuminated by the sunlight peeking through the grates above.

As they walked in silence, dousing themselves with the sun's rays, Subaru took notice of his new beige clothes.

These are definitely prison clothes.

The fabric was light, the seams uneven. It was more like a light brown rag adorned in holes. Compared to when Subaru first came to this world, his new attire meant that he could finally pass off as someone who was broke beyond compare.

Subaru couldn't help but recall the first time he introduced himself to Emilia. I wonder what she would say if we met like this. Would she help me right now? Like she did before?

Subaru shook his head, casting away his dark thoughts.

Who am I kidding, of course my angel would help anyone! Subaru's heart couldn't help but think of her cute blush when she called him a dunderhead. Her inept ability to understand her own cuteness was adorable for Subaru, making his heart beat faster and faster as a slight blush adorned his cheeks.

"EMT…" Subaru whispered to himself as a low chuckle escaped his lips. A small smile formed on his face, distracting himself from his terrible situation.

"What'd you say?" Gilli asked curiously, no longer was Inquisitor active, evident from his brown colored eyes.

"Just a spell." Subaru looked down as if he was viewing a series of good memories fly in front of him.

Ignoring the boy's sudden shift in attitude, Gilli raised his eyebrows in curiosity, "You know, I really thought you were going to ask more questions."

They both kept walking through the prison, their pace slow, as if they had all the time in the world.

"Yeah well, I kind of get what's happening. Plus, I don't really feel like talking much…" Subaru rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment. "Though, I guess I am slightly curious about my punishment." His hand rose as he pinched the air at the word slightly, trying to emphasize its small size.

An Earth gesture, one that Gilli didn't understand.

Gilli only nodded at Subaru's words as he continued to look straight ahead.

No dice, huh. Seriously, you could at least give me a hint.

They continued in silence; the darkness of the jail barely being illuminated by the sunlight above.

Another few minutes of walking really made Subaru consider whether Gilli was lost. How big is this damn place? It's like the size of Roswaal's old mansion.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, rather than the confusing hallways, they found themselves in a completely empty room.

In front of them stood two large double doors.

"Here we are." Gilli's voice echoed in the stone room, a small smile adorning his face.

The captain walked over to the doors. He placed his hands on the dark brown wood. He looked back to the boy, slightly grinning at him like he was making fun of him.

"Welcome… to your punishment."

Subaru swallowed as his body trembled slightly in dread. This isn't going to be some weird torture thing, right?

Gilli applied sudden force, pushing the doors open wide.

The sun's rays completely enveloped Subaru as they flooded into the empty dim room. The humid breeze of the city followed along with it, caressing Subaru's skin.

Subaru tried scanning for any sign of punishment but found nothing except for a group of similar clothed people.

From inside the prison, he observed that their group numbered no more than fifteen people, each varying in age and body type. They were also all men.

Gilli snapped Subaru's attention. "Come on." His firm voice commanded at Subaru as the captain leisurely walked towards the group.

Subaru's naked feet followed next to Gilli as they felt the warm stone below him. Small sharp rocks poked at his feet, making him slightly jump in pain.

As they continued side by side, Gilli looked down at Subaru, "Before I let you go, you should know that your punishment will last as long as I revoke Martial Law from Priestella." His voice blunt, as if it slapped Subaru across the face.

"Wha—"

"However." Grabbing the boy's shoulder, he shut Subaru's retort before the boy could complain. "Considering the Sword's Saint favor of you, I'll give you leniency. As long as you behave good, you'll leave earlier."

This motherfucker! I take it all back, this guys an ass!

"Behave good?! What does that even mean?!" Subaru brows furrowed as he outraged.

That's like some classic cop shit where they tell you that they can reduce your sentence if you're nice!

He clenched his fists as his eyes stared daggers at Gilli. Plus, how long is this damn Martial Law anyway?! This can last up to a month! Maybe more!

The duo arrived at the group.

Subaru squeezed the bridge of his nose as he attempted to calm down. He forced breaths down his throat, inhaling and exhaling with hidden fury. It's fine. Just, be good and I'll get out quickly. Yeah.

His teeth clenched thinking about how long being good would take.

"Captain Polle, sir." Subaru looked up to see a knight saluting Gilli.

Nodding he patted Subaru's back, pushing him into the crowd of inmates.

Subaru almost tripped as his feet attempted to regain balance. He quickly looked back to the captain only to see a wide grin plastered on his face. "Until next time Subaru."

Subaru clicked his tongue as the captain turned his back heading down the street, away from the boy.

A stern voice took Subaru's attention, "Let's go." At the head of the group stood a knight with dark red hair. His hazel eyes shined in the sun's radiance, completely flaunting his beauty to Subaru.

Great, now I have to deal with Julius' alter ego. Simply amazing. His irony evident as he rolled his eyes.

The group of prisoners walked forward, following the closely behind the knight. Each of their steps were heavy like none of them wanted to be there

Subaru sighed as he scratched the top of his head.

Let's just get this over with.