Hey I don't know how to smoothly transition into what I'm about to say so I'll get things straight. I'm not actually going to work on this anymore. Sure i might re-write it later down the road but not in the nearby future. ANd even then I probably won't tbh.
Reason A: I have lot of personal stuff that I needed to keep up with
Both the fact that I'm learning how to drive and learning guitar (mainly the driving thing) takes a lot of the free time that I would usually have away from me so I don't usually have time to do this stuff.
Reason B: i have had a complete 180 in my personal beliefs
This reason is going to be a lot more in-depth than the last one. I started off this fanfic being a right wing christian and have since found my identity a little bit more and become a more left leaning atheist. (told you it was a 180) I live in what a lot of people call the bible belt of america and by proxy more right wing re of the U.S. I live by people that are constantly re-affirming the same view that "god's not dead" and up until this point i completly believe it. However, the more I learned to critically think about things the more I saw gps in everything about not just christianity but all of religion.
People say without a shadow of a doubt that God is the most superior power in the world and yet the righteousness that he embodies is just a vague set of criteria that only roughly translates to "good action= good consequence". This wouldn't be so bad if it were not claimed in, as far as i can see, something that has barely any merit to it now that i think of it. People worship the happening of coincidence under the term of "the magic man in the sky". And the part that convinced me is the fact that it doesn't even have to be christianity. It can be Judaism, islam, Satanism, and really any one. any religion you like can, and probably is, used to punish minorities by someone, somewhere.
Another thing that led me to this state of mind is the fact of discovering my own identity. More specifically, I have found myself to be a Pansexual. Which means that I am attracted to people that are male, female, or any in between. Obviously this, not only christian, but also dominantly right wing area has a massive stigma against anything but being straight. I can tell you right here that I have had numerous insults levied against me Both to my face and I assume behind my back by peers and authority alike. as well as having my sexual identity being the butt of many jokes and just having to rub it off as "funny haha" to get by and it makes me fucking frustrated.
Specifically my father makes not only homophoic remarks and jokes while I am around (not only telling me feminine men re the downfall of america but also homosexuallity is literly a mental illness and gays need to be mentally institiuted.) but he also makes extremely racist and politically motivated jokes such as: killing democrats, severely punishing mexican immigrants, degrading native american culture down to pure violence, blaming black people for all sorts of crime, and stating governor whitmer of michigan should be publicly executed for being a left wing politician.
One specific instance that I recall is when he stated that my aunt was delusional for not wanting to celebrate thanksgiving becuase of the treatment of native americans by the hands of american colonists ruined it for her. Then proceeding to state that if she loves the indians so much then she should celebrate a national scalping day. I wrote the chapter "You" about him and how he treated me. The point I am trying to make is that people are constantly putting down and de-humanizing minorities in the name of a dated religion from 2000 years ago so they can push their self centered, narcissistic agendas to the front line.
When I started writing this I wanted to make something that mattered, however I soon realized the actual worth of this "yahweh" that I was writing about. I will admit, the mindset that i was going into this was bizarre. I understood that this religion that i ws in ws putting down queer people and i could tell it wasn't right but the same time i hadn't understood why yet. So one of the main thematic beats of the fic, other than just faith in the commercialized and capitalist nature of modern day christ, was trying to find a way to humanize queer people. But I hadn't been able to accept the fact that minorities should have the right to be minorities and I was being kind of a bigot for assuming that I needed to humanize them in the first place as well.
Finally I would like to preface that I do NOT hate all christians. I just have a lot of problems with the beliefs and some of the people who practice it. I know that the few rotten apples are not representative of the whole population of them and I know a sizable handful of christians that are genuinely good people. I encourage all of you to make your own decisions on what I have said and not just to take my word on everything.
This fic will more than likely still be here in a week. If not though, you'll probably know why. Thank you all SO SO SO much for reading this and giving me so many readers. Until next time, ta-ta.
