Poison—"Talk Dirty To Me"


JENNIE

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"What if she's messing with you? Being nice so you don't feel embarrassed?" Rosé asked as we sat across from each other at McDonald's. She twisted her lips. "But then again, she adjusted your bra strap at the lake. That's weird if she's not attracted to you. Or maybe it was a parent thing." Rosé shook her head. "She's totally messing with you, Jennie. Don't you dare give her more. You'll feel like a fool. You need to date someone else for real. And make it a little more believable than an attorney."

I chewed on the end of my straw while processing her advice. It's not that I didn't see it that way, too, but there were so many looks and tiny moments that felt real.

Not pity.

Not a someone appeasing their crush.

Not a neighbor being friendly to the babysitter.

"Take a chill pill when you're around her. Act like she's a grody old person, and the thought of liking her is like 'gag me.'"

I slowly nodded.

"She really said Denise smelled like dog urine?" Rosé grinned, wrinkling her nose.

I smirked and nodded.

"I start classes on Monday. Of course, I'll take the cutest guy I can find, but I'll look for the second cutest and set you up with him."

"Gee, thanks." I wadded my burger wrapper and stuffed it into my fry container.

"I'm serious. Don't be desperate."

"I'm not desperate."

She eyed me until I cracked.

"I'm not." I laughed. "I'm just interested."

"Obsessed."

I shook my head. "Determined."

"Delusional."

I rolled up a tiny piece of my straw wrapper, loaded it into my straw, and blew it at her.


Sunday morning, I prayed that Lisa and Josh wouldn't be at church, but God didn't grant my wish. She was probably too disappointed in my lies that week to extend me a little mercy.

Rosé gave me a tight grin with wide eyes when Lisa and Josh sat behind my mom and sister. They wore their matching suits again but with different ties—yellow bowties.

Adorable.

I made it through my dad's lengthy sermon, including communion, without looking at Lisa. After the service, I gathered in front of the church with my friends while my parents made their usual chitchat.

"Hi, Jennie!" Josh hugged my waist, and my friends laughed and gushed over him.

"Hey, Josh." I ran my fingers through his dark wavy hair, and then I squatted and straightened his bowtie. "You look handsome today."

He pressed his palms to my cheeks. "You look pretty."

I melted in his tiny hands.

"Buddy, Jennie's talking with her friends. Where are your manners?" Lisa said, forcing me to look at her and offer a fake smile, the smile I would have given to a grody old people.

"It's fine," I mumbled, standing straight.

"That dress looks great on you," she said.

I glanced down as if I didn't remember what dress I was wearing. It was a white dress with three-quarter-length sleeves, nothing special. She was making small talk, maybe trying to ease the tension. Heck, she probably sent Josh over to say I looked pretty.

"Thanks. Nice bowtie," I said, giving her a quick glance before looking away as if there were far more interesting people than her who deserved my attention.

"See you in a bit," she said.

That got my attention.

Lisa took Josh's hand. "Your parents invited us to lunch."

Of course, they did.

"Lovely." I plastered on a smile.

She offered my friends a courteous nod before heading to her truck.

"She's so bad. I can't wait for school to start," Sana said. She was getting ready to start her senior year.

"I bet she's strict with her grading system. All the grody people are flawed," Rosé eyed me.

"I agree," Ahyeon said. She was going to be a junior. "Ms. Manoban is not grody, but I feel like the ugly ones are the worst teachers because they were picked on in school. And they're determined to make everyone pay and suffer like they did."

"Everyone's leaving." I nodded toward the parking lot. "See y'all next week."

Rosé squeezed my arm while leaning close to my ear. "Stay strong. She's old and ugly."

Lisa looked like every woman's dream, with a darling little boy as her sidekick. As good as I was at lying, I couldn't convince myself or anyone else that Lisa was old and ugly.

"Two weeks in a row, huh? Are we adopting them?" I asked my parents when I slid into the back seat next to Ella before we headed to get Grandma Bonnie.

Mom glanced over her shoulder at me. "Lisa and Josh?"

"Yeah. Who else did you invite to Sunday dinner?"

"They're like family because Fred is the brother your father never had. So think of Lisa as your aunt or cousin."

It wasn't a bad idea. I had cousins, and they weren't ugly, but I didn't have a crush on them. I tried to latch on to that idea.

Lisa was my cousin with a cute little boy. We were all family. Incest was not only forbidden, it was gross.

After we picked up Grandma Bonnie and arrived home, I changed out of my white dress into a denim skirt and red blouse with tiny gold buttons. I still had to look nice for Sunday dinner, but white wasn't a good choice since we were having barbecue ribs, green beans, fingerling potatoes, and, of course, apple pie with homemade ice cream.

Ella answered the knock at the door for our cousin and her son while Mom and I finished setting the food on the table.

"Daddy got the booster," Josh said to my mom.

Lisa smiled, holding up a booster seat. No Bibles would be sacrificed during dinner that day.

"Good thinking." Mom took the booster seat and set it on the chair for Josh.

I headed to the kitchen to grab the basket of dinner rolls, but Lisa was in my way, so I gazed up at her with a platonic grin. "Excuse me."

She didn't move. "Are we okay?" she asked in a hushed tone, quickly scanning the room before returning her gaze to me.

"Of course we're good. Why wouldn't we be?" I did my best to pretend that nothing happened.

If she wanted to act like I had a crush on her, I wouldn't do anything to confirm it because it wasn't true.

Mind over matter.

It. Wasn't. True.

Liking one's cousin was gross.

I pushed past her since she wouldn't move.

"Good. Because I feel bad about yesterday," she said, following me into the kitchen.

I handed her the butter, and I grabbed the basket of rolls. "You're family." All I could muster was a cheesy smile. "Kind of like my cousin. Yesterday didn't happen because you're family. My adopted cousin."

She narrowed her eyes. "Cousins," she echoed.

I returned a firm nod. "And you teach math which makes you a nerdy cousin at that." I batted my eyelashes before carrying the rolls to the table while she followed me.

After saying grace, my dad repeated the previous week's behavior by talking Lisa's head off about football. But Lisa didn't seem to mind. Her passion was palpable.

I wanted to feel a little passion from her too.

Cousin! She's my cousin.

"Denise wasn't at church today, but I talked with her yesterday." Mom squeezed into the conversation, changing it to another topic I didn't care about. "She wanted me to thank you again for helping her out. She said she had a great evening painting with Josh and chatting with you."

Lisa finished chewing and blotted her mouth with a napkin. "I was happy to help. And Josh had a good time."

"She's great with kids," Mom added. "And she loves football. You'll see her at all the games. She even volunteers at the concession stand."

"Jennie loves football too," Ella said. "Last year, she went to all of the games." She smirked.

Mom nodded. "That's right. You did."

I shot my sister a stiff smile. She had kept my secret for a whole year, and I thought she would forget about it since it no longer mattered. Instead, she brought it up in front of Lisa, who probably thought I had told her that I liked her.

"Rosé went to all of the games too," I said with a shrug, even though she went to all the games to be with me while I supported my boyfriend, whom my parents never knew about.

"Maybe you can bring Josh to some of the games. He likes football, but I can't coach and keep an eye on him," Lisa said.

"She would love that," Grandma Bonnie answered on my behalf.

I adjusted in my chair and opened my mouth to speak, but my mom interrupted.

"Oh, Denise would love to watch him," she said before I could speak.

I bit my tongue and shrugged as if I didn't care who took Josh to the games. When I looked at Grandma, she gave me a look. I wasn't ready to build the fence.

"It's good to know I have options," Lisa said, wiping Josh's messy face.

"I'll get the pie and ice cream." I smiled, scooting back in my chair.

"Ella, help your sister," Mom said.

"Let me," Lisa interrupted, pushing back in her chair. "It's the least I can do after getting an invitation to dinner two weekends in a row."

I didn't wait for her because I didn't need anyone's help.

"You must have been dating a player last year," Lisa said as I retrieved the ice cream from the freezer.

I stiffened a second before turning and kicking the door closed behind me. "Why do say that?" I asked with a slight scoff.

"Because your family implied your interest in football was just last year, and you and Ella exchanged a look." She took the ice cream from me, and I pulled the scoop from the drawer by the sink.

I shook my head, opting for no comment.

"I'm not that old. And I'm observant," she said.

"But do you have a point?" I turned, eyeing her for an answer.

She had to stare at my mouth, which cousins didn't do. "Today, I have sensed some hostility from you. I think you misunderstood me yesterday."

"I think you misunderstood me. So, whatever you think I meant yesterday, I didn't. Like I said earlier, we're practically family. And I'll happily take Josh to your games because that's what family does, but if you want your girlfriend to take him instead, that's fine too. I really don't care."

The harder I tried not to care, the more I wanted her. The word "cousin" left a sour taste in my mouth because I never would have considered kissing my cousin. I would not have taken my shirt off in front of a gp cousin.

"You're killing me, Jennie," she whispered.

"I don't know why." I handed her the scoop and turned to get the pie and wooden-handled server from the counter. "I'm just your brother's best friend's daughter. Your preacher's daughter. An eighteen-year-old. The girl next door." I stepped past her and carried the pie to the dining room.

After dinner, I washed dishes with Ella while my mom drove Grandma Bonnie back to the nursing home. My dad and Lisa sat on the front porch and watched Josh play with the farm cats.

Dad poked his head in the kitchen as I slid the last plate into the cabinet. "Jennie, can you watch Josh while I take Lisa down by the creek and show her which trees I think need to come down?"

"I suppose," I mumbled before following him outside.

Lisa looked at me. "Josh can come with us. I don't want to disrupt your day."

"Josh is the best part of my day." I scooped him up in my arms and turned in a circle while he giggled. "I prefer him to everyone else."

My dad laughed.

Lisa tried on a smile that didn't seem to fit.

"Let's go to your house," I said, setting him on the ground and taking his hand.

"Thank you," Lisa called after we headed toward the fence.

I slowed my steps and turned a fraction. If sincerity were flesh and bones, it would have looked like Lisa. My snarkiness fell away, and I mirrored her sincerity with a smile. "You're welcome."

When we reached the house, Josh wanted to play Chutes and Ladders, so we played game after game. And he kept winning.

"Josh, is your Lili a happy person?" I asked, moving my girl pawn four spaces on the board.

He wrinkled his nose and flicked the spinner. "She's grumpy pants."

I snorted a laugh. "Why is she grumpy pants?"

"Because she says I'm trouble when I pee on the floor."

Joy filled me like the frosting on a gooey cinnamon roll. I wanted to be a mouse in the corner, watching Lisa and Josh talk about pee on the floor.

"My dad is grumpy pants too," I said.

Josh's bright eyes looked up at me like he was happy to have someone who understood him. "Do you pee on the floor?"

I grinned. "Not anymore. But I leave lights on and wear clothes my dad doesn't like."

The back door opened, and Lisa stepped inside, kicking off her boots.

"I won four times!" Josh beamed.

"Of course you did," Lisa said. "I bet you didn't tell Jennie you have magic board game luck."

Josh giggled when I gave him a wide-eyed stare with my lips parted into an O. I put the pieces back into the box.

"Can you take this to your room while I say goodbye to Jennie and thank her for playing with you?" Lisa handed Josh the game.

"Bye," I said to Josh, giving him a little wave.

"Bye," he mumbled, skating his socked feet along the wood floor toward the stairs.

"Did my dad talk you into cutting down most of the trees by the creek? He's tired of them falling and making a dam that causes flooding."

"Not all of them. But I said I'd help him take down three dead ones when I get time this week."

"You're a good person. I'm sure my dad will be thrilled to have you around. He doesn't trust me or Ella with a chainsaw."

Lisa chuckled, scratching the back of her head.

"Well, enjoy the rest of your Sunday." I opened the back door, and she followed me onto the deck.

"Jennie?"

I stopped.

"If I didn't have the responsibility of being a parent, I wouldn't think twice about being a little reckless with you," she said.

I was afraid to turn around because I was trying so hard to be her adopted family and not the girl next door with an incurable crush. What if my idea of recklessness meant the kind of intimacy that would land my soul in Hell, and she meant letting me use a chainsaw? I no longer trusted myself to read her.

"But," she continued, "very few things in my life have gone as planned, so I can't promise I'll remain steadfast in my resolve to do the right thing. This is my preemptive apology for if or when I fuck it all up." The wood beneath her feet creaked as she took a step closer.

My lips parted to accommodate my labored breathing. I liked her vulnerability. And I liked that she was unapologetic about saying "fuck" around me.

"Jennie—"

"Is this a warning or a promise?" I couldn't look at her and act confident, so I continued down the four stairs to the yard. "Because I'm terrible at heeding warnings but relentless at making people keep their promises."

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