— — —
Torontonians seemed to have entirely dismissed reality as a practical joke.
Perhaps it was because a catastrophic global hoax about an asteroid and the end of the world had originated in Toronto. So, this must simply be another hoax. Or perhaps it was because the sight of a colossal red cephalopod, tentacles well over a hundred meters long and bioluminescent photophores all over its body lighting it up like a Las Vegas casino, clinging to the CN Tower was more than the human brain could realistically process. Nick was having a hard time with it himself.
"It's a projection," Schanke said, mouth full of gratingly garlic-laden souvlaki as he waved dismissively up at the tower. "A marketing stunt."
Nick blinked at him. "Marketing what, exactly?"
"Tourism!" Schanke gestured wildly with his food. "Think about it! The Pacific Northwest's got Bigfoot. Scotland's got Nessie. In the Himalayas, they've got the Abominable Snowman. And we've got…" he waved again at the creature. "THAT. The CN Squid."
Nick stared at Schanke for a beat, then looked back up at the improbable creature. One of its bright iridescent blue eyes, the size of one of Big Ben's clock faces, seemed to be looking back at him. The creature curled and uncurled multiple arms as photophores lit up blue and yellow, like glittering sapphires.
"The CN Squid?" Nick asked, half-amused.
"No? You don't like it? How about the Toronto Tentacle… Thing?"
Nick stared at Schanke, amazed and impressed at his partner's ability to dismiss what was literally staring him right in the face. Though that was probably a good thing given how close he had come to believing that Nick was a vampire. Nick asked, "You're seriously going with this theory? Tourism marketing?"
Schanke wiped his mouth with his sleeve and tossed the souvlaki wrapper into a nearby trash can. "It's all about the economy, Nick. Post-asteroid panic, the city needs a boost. Bam! Giant squid. Instant tourist attraction."
Checking his watch, Schanke asked, "What'd you drag me out here for anyway? We're gonna be late back to the precinct and Cohen will not be happy if she catches us racking up unapproved overtime."
"Yeah, okay, Schank," Nick said absently as he tore his gaze away from the creature, its skin rippling with light in a slow, almost hypnotic rhythm.
They got into the Caddy, and as they pulled away, Nick kept glancing at the massive creature in the rearview mirror, wondering where it had come from.
"Hey," Schanke said once they were a couple blocks from the tower, "didn't you want to go to CN Tower for some reason?"
They'd had this same conversation for the past three nights, ever since the creature had arrived. No mortal could remember it once they left the area, and they couldn't see it unless they were near it.
"Nah, Schank, we're late as it is."
— — —
"Something has to be done about it," Nick said to Janette as he approached her at the bar inside the Raven.
"It?" Janette asked, tone teasing. "That could be so many things. Do you mean the unending torture mortals call taxes?" She ran her fingers down the edge of his brown vest and tapped on its top button with a manicured nail. "Or perhaps you mean this tragic sense of fashion. Because I agree, something must be done."
"You know what I'm talking about," he said, gently removing her fingers from the vest and placing a soft kiss on the back of her hand.
She sighed in mock exasperation. "Nicolas, always trying to save the world these days. How exhausting." She turned to the bar, picking up her glass and swirling the dark liquid thoughtfully before taking a sip. "What do you think we can do about it? No one knows where it came from, and it's not bothering anyone." She shrugged, indifferent.
From behind him, an amused and vaguely familiar voice chimed in. "Did you know it doesn't show up on film?" A hand slapped a photo of a squidless CN Tower onto the bar. "Took that last night."
Nick glanced at the photo, then turning slowly, his expression hardened as he saw a face he hadn't seen in over 70 years.
"Nicolas," Janette said smoothly. "This is Thomas Monroe, an acquaintance from long ago. What has it been, Thomas? Nine hundred years?"
"Give or take a few decades," Thomas said, his grin broad and irritating. "Far too long."
"We've met," Nick said through gritted teeth, memories of Thomas leaning over the body of his friend Helen flashing in his mind. Helen had been a talented archaeologist and linguist. Thomas had drained her after deceiving Nick with the lie that Thomas had found a cure among ancient Kush scrolls he claimed to have excavated. Both Thomas and LaCroix had had a good laugh over that one.
"What do you think, Thomas?" Janette asked lightly. "This creature. Is it a problem for Nicolas to solve?"
Thomas made a show of contemplating the question, tapping his chin theatrically. Nick considered whether anyone would be that upset if he tied Thomas up, took him up to the roof at dawn, and left him for dead.
"Well," Thomas finally said, breaking Nick's fantasy of Thomas immolating with the sunrise, "unlike a cure for vampirism, this creature appears to be real." His eyes gleamed as he looked at Nick. "You know, Nicholas, I feel badly about how our last meeting ended," he said, his voice dripping with feigned remorse as his smile widened. "I think I will help you."
Nick would rather be stuck again in the trunk of the Caddy during the day listening to Schanke play polka music at full volume than work with Thomas.
"No, thanks," Nick grumbled. "I'll figure it out myself."
— — —
Nick studied the creature closely, and noticed that its once-vibrant red skin had become duller and its phosphorescent lights had dimmed, as though it had faded overnight. Its enormous blue eyes remained bright though, and Nick found himself staring into one of them, wondering if a vampire could hypnotize a colossal squid. He focused, concentrating as he said under his breath, "Go home."
The creature flailed a few of its tentacles, and for the first time, Nick heard it make a sound, an eerie, hollow echo almost like whale song. Nick blinked, surprised. Had it understood him?
"It's gotta be some kind of art installation," Schanke declared, breaking Nick's focus. "You know, one of those things by those big-shot artists that do, like, massive stuff? Across buildings and rivers?"
Nick raised an eyebrow. "Christo and Jeanne-Claude?"
"Yeah, them!" Schanke nodded and examined the creature critically, like a work hanging in a gallery. "Look at it Nick, it's all about the symbolism."
"Symbolizing what?"
"Man versus nature. You know, nature reclaiming cities, punishing us for destroying the environment."
Nick thought that would have been a surprisingly perceptive interpretation by Schanke if this were an art installation. But it wasn't. It was a giant, living, breathing cephalopod clinging to the largest freestanding structure in the world.
"Maybe the goal is to raise awareness," Schanke added. "You know, like save the whales. Only save the… the cuttlefish, or squid, or whatever that thing is supposed to be."
"Do they need saving?" Nick asked, genuinely curious. Did this one? Maybe the creature couldn't go home. Maybe it didn't fit in with its own kind. Nick could sympathize if that were the case.
Schanke gestured dramatically at the creature. "Obviously."
— — —
The next night, Nick noticed the creature looked worse, as though nearly all the color had drained from it. Its movements were slower, more lethargic, and its tentacles seemed to be struggling to keep hold on the tower.
Nick wondered where it had come from, and why it had come to Toronto, of all places. But then, why not Toronto? Nick had come here too, after all.
"It's for a movie premiere," Schanke announced confidently. "Has to be. Horror movie, probably. I don't do horror movies, though. Why pay someone to scare you, you know?"
Nick, only half-listening, nodded slightly. "Uh-huh."
"But Jenny is interested," Schanke continued. "She wants to watch Nightmare on Elm Street with her friends on Halloween. I said no way. Can you imagine the angry phone calls from the other parents?" He paused and gestured up at the creature. "But I suppose a movie this ridiculous might be okay."
Nick, still focused on the creature, asked, "What do you suppose squid eat?"
"Uhhhh," Schanke said, tone puzzled. "I saw on the Discovery Channel once, big squid like that? Whales like to chow down on 'em."
"No, what do the squid eat?" Nick repeated.
"Oh, um, fish I think. Hey, what the hell is that?"
Nick followed Schanke's gaze. High above, Thomas Monroe was sprinting down the side of the tower toward the creature. He leapt onto its mantle, bouncing like he'd hit a trampoline, before launching himself onto one of its massive tentacles. He slid down and then took the air with a gleeful, spinning flourish like a deranged circus acrobat.
"God, I hate that guy," Nick muttered, glancing at one of the creature's large blue eyes, which seemed to stare back at him in shared exasperation. "Sorry," he mouthed. Because Nick supposed Janette had been right, the creature wasn't doing any harm, but now Thomas was bullying it. And that irritated Nick to no end.
"Is that a person?" Schanke asked, squinting. "Man oh man, this is gonna be one weird movie."
"I wouldn't call him a person," Nick grumbled, knowing it didn't matter if Schanke saw any of this, he'd just forget as soon as they drove away.
Thomas leapt about, spinning, pirouetting, and generally making an ass out of himself as he bounced from tentacle to tentacle. The creature flailed about, slipping slightly down the tower as it tried to shoo Thomas away.
Nick couldn't take it anymore. "Thomas!" he shouted up. "Leave it alone!"
Thomas ignored him. Nick turned to Schanke and commanded in a hypnotic tone, "Just give me a few minutes. Don't look up." Even if Schanke wouldn't remember, there was no point in freaking him out at the moment by revealing Nick could fly. With that, Nick took to the air.
Thomas laughed as Nick caught up to him. "Weren't you the one who wanted to do something about it?"
"This is your idea of 'doing something'?" Nick shot back.
"You're such a bore, Nicholas," Thomas yelled, grinning. "Lighten up!" He dove down to bounce off the creature's mantle again with exaggerated flair. The giant squid flailed its arms in protest, letting out its hollow echo of a cry.
Nick felt his eyes shift, and he tackled Thomas in mid-air. Thomas's eyes turned as well, and they tussled in the sky, snarling and hissing. Nick tried not to think about how absurd this must look—fighting another vampire above a squid in the Toronto skyline. He was grateful Schanke wasn't watching.
But Thomas was older and stronger. He forced Nick down, snagging a tree branch and breaking off a piece as they crashed to the ground. Thomas slammed Nick down hard onto the pavement. Nick gasped as Thomas knelt next to him, gripping him by the throat with his free hand, squeezing and pressing with enough force to keep Nick pinned.
"You're weak, Nicholas," Thomas growled, his voice low and dangerous. His eyes glowed a fierce, predatory red. "Still clinging to that pathetic humanity of yours."
Nick tried to shove him off, but Thomas pressed the makeshift stake against Nick's chest. "You think you can stop me?" Thomas snarled, the tip of the stake biting into Nick's shirt. "I could end you right now. Maybe I should. LaCroix might even thank me."
Nick doubted that. LaCroix was more possessive of Nick than a dragon hoarding gold, and he wouldn't thank anyone for taking what he thought was his. Not that Nick could enunciate this argument with Thomas's hand still clenched tightly on his throat. Nick tensed as Thomas applied more pressure to the stake.
Then, Nick saw movement behind Thomas, and his eyes focused on the squid as he saw it shifting. One of its colossal tentacles uncurled from the tower, moving silently through the air. Then, with startling speed, the tentacle wrapped itself around Thomas and yanked him off Nick in one swift motion.
Nick scrambled to his feet as Schanke snapped out of his trance. Thomas, meanwhile, cursed obscenities and struggled against the tentacle, stabbing at it with the makeshift stake.
"This is gonna be a freaky movie," Schanke said, now once again consciously observing the scene.
The creature emitted a hollow, echoing noise, then it pushed itself slightly away from the tower, revealing a beaked cavernous maw, opened wide with rows of jagged, sharp edges. Nick saw Thomas's eyes widen as he was dragged closer, his cocky grin long gone. Nick could hear the wet, guttural sound of the creature's hunger as it pulled Thomas toward the waiting maw. Thomas gave out a shriek, which Nick wished he could have recorded to listen on repeat later, before the creature shoved him in and clamped down.
The creature's photophores flared a brilliant gold, but only for a moment. The light faded again, its skin turning even paler, now a dull, lusterless pink. It let out one more weak sound before opening its mouth and retching. Something flew out and hit the ground with a clatter.
Nick and Schanke rushed over. Lying in front of them was a damp, perfectly white skeleton, like it had been baking in the desert for years and had just been caught in the rain. And it had long, sharp canine teeth.
"On second thought," Schanke said, "it's going to be a no for Jenny on this movie too." He paused before adding, "I did tell her she could decorate the front yard to be scary for Halloween. Think this is a promotional item for the movie and we could take it? She'd love it!"
Nick stared at the skeleton, trying to sense any trace of life. Nothing. But the last thing he needed was Thomas Monroe regenerating among the jack-o-lanterns in the Schanke family's front yard. "I think we should leave it for now," Nick said carefully, "the movie studio might still need it."
"Ah well," Schanke said and shrugged.
Nick glanced back up at the creature, which gazed down at him with a large, bright blue eye. Was there an intelligence there? Some kind of understanding?
"Come on, Schank," Nick said quietly. "We'd better get to work."
— — —
"You seem in good spirits, Nicolas," Janette said as Nick greeted her with a kiss on the cheek inside the Raven.
"I had a good night last night," Nick replied, keeping his tone casual.
"Oh?" She gave him a slow, deliberate once-over as her lips curled into a smile. "Do tell."
Nick hesitated. Going into detail about the whole 'vampire-eating squid' thing probably wouldn't go over well with the community. He opted for something safer. "Just had a breakthrough on a tough case. Suspect got what was coming to him."
"How dull," she said with an unimpressed sigh. "What brings you here tonight, then? Surely not to regale me with stories about tedious police procedure."
Nick smiled slightly. "Just thought I'd spread the word that our kind should… avoid pestering the, uh, thing on the CN Tower."
"That again. No one other than you and Thomas is interested in that." She looked curiously at Nick. "Have you seen him, by the way?"
Nick's shoulders lifted in a casual shrug. "Thomas? Oh, he's… moved on." He gave her a nonchalant smile, hoping to deflect any further questions. "Besides, like you said, it's not bothering anyone. You were right."
"Aren't I always?" she teased and pulled him in for a kiss on the lips.
— — —
Nick pulled up on the street next to the CN Tower, parked, and got out of his car. The creature looked worse than the night before, its skin now nearly white, and it hung on the tower like it barely had the energy to keep itself there. Nick suspected that vampire had not agreed with its digestion.
On the ground nearby, Thomas's skeleton still lay on the ground, now dried. And Nick still felt nothing from it. He gave the skeleton a brief glance and shook his head. Death by squid. How wonderfully embarrassing for Thomas.
Feeling a little foolish, Nick gave the creature a small wave. To his surprise, one of the tentacles lifted and waved back. It was almost... friendly.
Nick popped the trunk, stepping back for a moment as a pungent smell hit him. He did his best to ignore it and opened the lid fully. Inside, neatly packed into plastic bins, was thousands of dollars' worth of the highest-quality fish Nick had been able to find. Despite lining the trunk with plastic bins, Nick was certain the Caddy would need a full detailing to get rid of the scent. Still, one good turn deserved another.
Nick looked up at the creature, meeting one of its enormous blue eyes, and pointed to the trunk. As one of its tentacles snaked forward, Nick held his breath wondering if he was about to become the second vampire in history to die by cephalopod. But the tentacle slipped harmlessly past him and into the trunk, carefully scooping out a pile of fish. The creature brought the fish to its beak, and as soon as it swallowed, its skin flickered with vibrant red. The photophores along its body flashed to life, rippling yellow and blue in waves of light. The creature reached for more fish, each swallow making its colors even brighter.
Nick's gaze shifted to Thomas's skeleton again. Schanke had mentioned letting Jenny decorate the front yard for Halloween. Nick was now certain the skeleton was harmless, having been exposed to the sun and still showing no traces of vampire life. Nick bent to pick it up, but before he could, a bright red tentacle swooped past him and gently lifted the skeleton.
Nick stood, dumbfounded, as the creature propped the skeleton in the back seat of the Caddy, carefully placing it in like some kind of bizarre passenger. Nick looked up and met the creature's gaze again. For a moment, they simply stared at each other. Then, slowly, the creature gently patted Nick on the shoulder.
Nick hesitated before reaching out, returning the gesture with a pat on the smooth skin of the tentacle.
"That'll do, Squid," he said, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "That'll do."
— — —
The End
Honestly, I just really hated Thomas from the flashbacks in the season 2 episode "Faithful Followers," and thought it would be great if a giant tentacle monster ate him.
