This time the rack wasn't empty, and Dean was holding a knife.
"You are less human." The voice floated in from behind him.
"Yeah…" Dean said absently, standing still and soaking in the scene. Guess I'm a little more fucked up than I thought.
The rich crimson puddle was widening, drip by drip, running in rivulets off the grooved edges of the metal surface, flowing out across the floor and wicking up onto his boots. Leather straps groaned with the movement of the trapped body on top, writhing with the agony it was subjected to.
Trademark move, sever the vocal cords first. He didn't like it when they talked back.
He didn't like it when they screamed either.
Dean shifted his gaze to the pulsing muscle, quivering naked under wide splayed ribs and jagged torn flesh. Beat after beat, refusing to stop, ticking away the seemingly never ending silence. That's what this place was; They were damned, they'd never die, only get broken down to nothing, hung up, and stitched back together to do it again. Perverse tormented playthings.
And he was the one playing.
He focused on the heart. I wonder if I'm still in there.
Dean looked upwards, searching the sea of blood and gore until he met Cas' gaze, blue eyes striking against the slick red curtains closing in around them.
Yeah. I think I am.
"He means something to you… this angel."
"What do you want now?" Dean asked instead, turning around and finally looking at her.
"We are connected, Dean. And lost though you might be, I will always find you."
"That's not answering the question."
"I don't have to answer your questions."
"Then what's the fucking point of being here?"
Amara looked past him again, taking in the angel. "This is distressing to you."
"I would never." Dean said. "Not him."
"You've hurt him before."
Dean fought reacting. "How do you know that?"
Amara stepped forward, bridging the gap and reaching out, one cold hand coming to rest against his chest.
Dean swallowed.
"I can see inside you, Dean. And this image is dragging with it memories of rage and violence."
Dean winced. "That was the mark."
"And yet your soul trembles with fear. Your demon side is taking root once more. You worry what fate might befall him while you are helpless to stop yourself."
"I've got it under control."
"Got what under control?"
Dean jumped at Cas' voice, whipping head around, trying to figure out how he was speaking through the slit in his throat.
He found himself back in the clearing, Cas behind him tending to the modest fire beside their makeshift home. He blinked. "What?"
Cas looked up, furrowing his brow. "What do you have under control?"
"Nothing… I…"
Cas turned back from the fire, frowning and taking him in. "What's wrong?"
Dean didn't answer right away, hesitating before he crossed the clearing to drop back onto the raised platform in their makeshift home. He stalled by pulling his feet free from his boots, picking them up and smacking them on the ground to dislodge the ice. He flipped them over and slipped them down onto the sticks that'd let them stay warm and dry by the fire. He slid back fully onto the platform, throwing the mylar blanket over his lap, moving over to accommodate when Cas did the same.
"Dean?" Cas asked.
"When the mark was ripped off… when the Darkness pulled me out of the cabin, I told you I talked to her."
"Yes."
"Well uh… I keep seeing her… like one minute I'm here and the next…"
"Like you are dreaming her?"
"Yeah, or that astral thing…"
"Astral projection?" Cas frowned. "How many times has this happened?"
"Since the cabin? Three times… At the first motel we stayed at and once here the other night."
"And once just now." Cas watched Dean flinch. "What did you see?"
Dean tried to blink away visions of Cas carved up on his block. "Hell… we're uh… when we talk, the first time it was some field in the middle of nowhere but since then, it's always hell."
"A peculiar choice." Cas said mildly. "Though who knows what motivations God's sister has once let loose from her cage."
"Yeah." Dean said weakly. "She said that her name was Amara."
"Amara?"
"That she was given it… I don't… she didn't tell me who gave it to her."
"Has she attempted to harm you?"
Dean shuddered. "No. She says we're connected… through the mark or whatever. She hasn't tried anything, but it's not exactly like she's lining up to answer my questions."
"Well you don't go anywhere, not physically at least." Cas confirmed. "The first night in that motel, it was simply as though you were lost in thought."
"Yeah, lost in her thoughts."
"Has she said anything else?"
"Mostly just bitching about God and humanity." Dean said, trying to brush it off. "I get the sense she isn't sure what she wants yet."
"That could be good."
"Or it could be way worse."
Cas lifted a hand in lazy agreement. "What is it like?"
"What?"
"These visions. Talking with her."
"Oh." Dean rubbed his hands together, trying to force some blood back into them. "Well first, I don't love being back in hell." He said. "And it's like talking to a brick wall. A dark haired very attractive brick wall, but-" Dean shrugged.
Cas raised a brow.
"I don't… she can get glimpses of my thoughts but I don't think she can fully read my mind." He swallowed. "Hopefully."
"Hopefully." Cas echoed. He looked over Dean with a critical eye. "Are you alright?"
Dean tensed again but he let out his breath. Amara's words were turning in his mind. You worry what fate might befall him while you are helpless to stop yourself. "I can feel myself slipping."
"Slipping?"
"I'm worried."
"About?"
Dean hesitated. "You."
"Because you are becoming more demonic." Cas connected. "I am also returning to being an angel. Are you fearful you will lose control?"
"Yes." Dean said plainly.
"Then I will stop you."
"Cas-"
"You do not have the mark." Cas said simply. "You have been in control thus far. You didn't even kill those men from the bar and they provoked you."
"Yeah, I guess."
"What else is troubling you?"
"Do you actually believe we'll figure out how to change me back?"
Cas sighed. "I don't know." He admitted.
Dean leaned his head back. "I don't think we will."
Cas frowned.
"Sam is off on another case because there was exactly no progress being made. There's no Men of Letters left that we can string up for answers on how the spell works, if they even knew."
Cas sighed. "And then we would have to figure out what is different about you."
"And then figure out what to do to fix it, if it's even possible. Exactly." Dean said.
"I am sorry."
"I don't even know that I'm upset." Dean admitted. "I'm freaked, yeah… but you're not wrong." He gave a half smile. "You know, honestly I don't feel nearly as human as I have before. Even with my shoulder this way and mostly powerless. I'm closer, but I'm not there. Not like I was after Cain."He closed his eyes for a moment. "I don't know if I want to be human. I've managed to shelve my baggage, and I don't remember how to keep it packed away if I turn back."
"You'd relearn."
"I'm not so sure. And even if I do, how long would it take?"
"You've expressed a desire to be human before. Just the other day even."
"I can't make up my mind." Dean said. He was silent for a moment. "I'm sorry I ever took that fucking mark."
Cas pulled away enough to look at him face to face.
"Things were good before then… We could have hunted that bitch down and shoved both halves in cement. I was so caught up, wanting to take her off the board for good that I lost sight of everything else. And it's brought nothing but trouble… I was happy then. We were building something."
"We'll build something again. Something different, but we'll figure it out."
"I'm sorry. That wasn't a decision for me, it was a decision for us, and it's fucked you more than a little."
Cas didn't say anything.
Dean kept his gaze, but the words sunk in and he finally barked a quiet laugh. "Well ok, sometimes fucking you is a great time."
Cas rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help a small smile of his own.
"I can't believe we didn't do that before I turned." Dean said, laying down and rolling onto his back to stare up at the sloped ceiling above them. "If I didn't think we'd break our backs on this damn 'bed' I'd suggest a ride right now, shoulder be damned."
"How is it today?"
"Better." Dean said. "At this rate maybe tomorrow or the next day it'll be almost there."
Good." Cas said. "You might even yet regain your ability to get us out of here within the next week."
Dean pulled a face. "I hope we're out of here by then."
"Does that feel likely?"
He closed his eyes. "No."
Cas gave a half shrug before he settled back down to lay next to Dean.
Dean readjusted, pulling Cas a bit closer for warmth. He stretched out a little further on the platform.
Honestly Dean was damn proud of the shelter. The woods were especially silent with the sixth inch of fresh snow, but even with one side largely open, it was warm enough he was fine with just his jacket. They had managed to keep the fire alive and so far they were perfectly dry. Dean had added more leaves underneath the clothing layer they were sitting on, and he would almost go so far as to say it was comfortable.
"I too have been thinking of past mistakes."
Dea looked at him. "Yeah, you've got a couple skeletons rattling around in your closet."
Cas tilted his head.
"Nevermind. What mistakes in particular?"
"I've been thinking about Jimmy's family."
Dean frowned. "What, his wife and the kid?"
Cas nodded. "They don't know."
"Don't know what?"
"That Jimmy is dead. I never spoke to them again."
"I don't think they expected to see him again." Dean said.
"Still." Cas shifted. "I feel I should have told them."
"Telling them isn't going to change anything. And it might make things worse." Dean pointed out. "You're still parading around wearing the man's face. Maybe it's best not to go deliver the news through his dead lips."
"I suppose." Cas said softly.
"I dunno, send them a condolence card or something."
Cas flattened his expression.
"I said or something."
Cas rolled his eyes. "I suppose I will give it more thought."
"You do that."
The silence fell back in place around them for a moment while Dean's mind wandered. "I miss the bunker." he said absently, glancing over at the fire. "I missed the bunker before the spell, full demon. Spent my whole life living motel to motel, sort of over it."
Cas raised his brow, watching Dean.
"We had a good thing going…"
"Stability."
"Family." Dean shook his head. "Or whatever. And we haven't seen our cat in like a month."
"You miss family?" Cas was a little surprised. "Sam?"
"Yeah." Dean said, sounding more sure. "I miss people, and warm showers, and our TV, and do you hear a helicopter?" Dean turned his head, straining to hear for a second before he sprung up and out of the shelter.
Cas was quick to follow, trying to pinpoint the direction of the sound as it echoed off the hills around them.
"Quick, grab the blanket!" Dean ordered, reaching down and grabbing a partially burning log by its untouched end and a large bushel of drying pine branches before starting to sprint towards the river bank, Cas close at heel.
"What can I do to help?" Cas asked as soon as they were out of the treeline.
"I gotta get this smoking." Dean said hurriedly, setting the log down and throwing the pine needles on top which quickly caught. He hurried over, starting to grab drift wood and stacking it next to the burning log he had brought, letting the flames grow and begin to smoke in earnest as the damp wood smoldered. "You get ready to start waving that blanket like crazy."
Cas coughed as the wet wood began to smolder, sending rolling plumes of smoke into the air, floating upwards in a clear signal 'we are here'.
As soon as the helicopter climbed over the tree lined horizon, Dean threw his hands in the air to wave. "Now!"
Cas began pulling the emergency blanket back and forth, the crinkling fabric reflecting the cloud covered light in a way he hoped was visible over the snow covered beach.
They were both overcome with relief when the helicopter slowed to hover over top of them instead of flying off. They had been seen. They were being rescued.
"Come on!" Dean said, shouting to be heard over the rhythmic chop of the blades. He put a hand on Cas' shoulder and began to drag him back towards the forest's edge, letting the helicopter land with safe clearance. When the aircraft stopped he couldn't believe his eyes when the figure emerged. "Sam!"
His brother half jogged over the loose rocks of the river bank, looking over both of them, clear relief in his expression. "Dean! Cas!"
"Jesus, am I glad to see you!" Dean said earnestly.
Sam stepped forward on instinct, forgetting for a moment his brother was a demon and pulling him into a tight hug before releasing him and clapping Cas on the shoulder. "Let's get out of here!"
"Gotta put the fire out."
"It's on a beach."
"The other one." Dean explained, turning and heading back into the woods.
Sam lifted a hand in a signal to the pilot before he followed Dean and Cas to their shelter, blinking as he examined their camp.
Dean grabbed a larger log and began scattering the fire into the dirt surrounding it before starting to kick snow onto the hot coals. Steam hissed into the air, but the fire died down to embers before finally extinguishing completely. Cas meanwhile joined Sam in untying the cross beams and knocking over the shelter, haphazardly stuffing the clothes they used for bedding into Dean's duffel bag and bringing it with them.
They didn't bother talking before they ran back towards their ride. Cas and Dean settled in, accepting the offered headphones and pulling them over their heads.
The pilot leaned back to look at them, speaking over his microphone. "You guys ready to roll?"
Sam flashed the thumbs up. "All good. Thanks, Paul."
And with that they were off.
Dean finally turned to properly look at Sam. "How'd you find us?"
"Believe me, it's better not to think about it." Sam said.
"And the chopper?"
Sam shook his head. "Of all things, Rudy called in a favor."
Dean blinked. "Rudy? Really?"
"I have no idea, but you best write him a damn thank you card."
"No kidding."
Sam turned to look over Cas with a critical eye, but he refrained from saying anything more about their disappearance for now, knowing their conversation was shared with the pilot.
"Where the hell are we?" Dean asked.
"About a week's walk into Superior National Forest."
"What is that, Minnesota?"
"Yeah."
Dean turned to Cas. "Told you we shouldn't try to walk out."
"That was a good move." Sam agreed. "I'm glad you stayed close to there… was worried this would be the start of a huge search."
Dean looked back at Sam. "But seriously, how did you find us?"
"Charlie called in a favor with someone she knew. Big time intelligence job."
"Someone she knew?"
"Someone she dated."
"Ah."
Sam sat back, feeling the change of elevation quickly build as they started flying back towards civilization. "Apparently there was enough data off your phone right before it cut out."
"In the what, two seconds?"
"Yeah."
"No, you're right, that is freaky." Dean swallowed, feeling his ears pop. He took a quick look out the window before focusing back on his brother.
"What happened to your phone anyway? Not that you'd have had any real signal." It was a miracle they got a ping off the satellite at all.
"Yeah, but we'd have had some games at least for a little while." Dean complained bitterly. "Landed in the water, didn't stand a chance."
Sam shuddered just thinking of it in these temperatures. "Rough place to land."
"No kidding." Dean said softly.
Cas leaned back in his seat. "I left my phone in the car. Though it would have shared the same fate."
"Yeah, I found it." Sam said. "I'm just glad you two made it out of there at all." He looked at Cas. "I gotta admit, I kind of thought you were dead."
"We got out in time." Barely. He glanced over at Dean, frowning when he saw his expression and his eyes now looking intently at the floor.
Sam followed his gaze and frowned. "You good?"
"Fantastic." Dean said, though his tone didn't reflect his usual swagger. "Just impatient for a cheeseburger and a shower."
"Charlie is back at a motel in Duluth. Got a couple of rooms with our name on it."
Cas gave a weak smile. "It'll be nice to be back in the warmth."
"Not quite back to yourselves then." Sam observed.
"Almost." Cas replied. "But no."
"Yeah, otherwise I'd have gotten us the hell out of there." Dean muttered.
Cas watched Dean tense as the helicopter shuddered slightly in the wind. He slid sideways slightly, one hand reaching out and brushing Dean's. He looked at him in a silent question that was completely ignored.
Sam remained oblivious. "I brought the impala up there. I'm afraid your laptop bit the dust."
Another shudder, this time when the turbulence returned, Dean closed his eyes and Cas properly took his hand.
Cas responded instead. "Did anything else make it?"
"No." Sam admitted. "Though it didn't look like there was much in there."
Cas indicated the duffel bag at their feet "I was carrying the bag. We were just packing to leave." He caught Sam's pointed look and cut himself off from giving more details in company.
Sam finally caught onto Dean's expression. "Dude, seriously, are you okay?"
"I'm fine, Sammy." Dean tried for condescending but instead it came out an annoyed growl.
"It's Sam."
"Whatever."
Sam rolled his eyes. "Jerk."
"Bitch." Dean returned automatically.
Cas looked out over the forest stretching as far as they could see in every direction. The last time he was in a helicopter he was tied to a backboard with two broken limbs and Dean unconscious beside him. He paused, putting it together. He had been glad at the time Dean had not been awake… He realized that even mostly a demon, the hunter was not okay in the air. "How long until we land there?"
"I don't know, an hour?"
Paul spoke up from the front. "Touchdown in about 40 minutes."
If it were possible, Cas would say Dean paled even more. Personally, he was honestly enjoying the flight, and he flexed his wings in the dimension they existed in.
Sam watched the trees slide by. "Charlie will be glad to see you two both safe. She wanted to come, but-" he indicated the cramped interior.
"We will be glad to see her as well." Cas said mildly.
"Not too long now."
.
Dean was first off the helicopter when it landed, barely waiting for a go ahead from Paul.
Sam stayed behind for a moment to give him another heartfelt thank you before joining them where they were walking towards the waiting black muscle car. "You good if I drive?"
"Don't care." Dean said with a shrug, concentrating on steadying his shaking legs.
Sam raised his brows, surprised by the indifference. He caught Cas' eye and frowned at the slight shake of his head.
Cas hadn't told Sam about Dean's newfound feelings (or lack thereof) for his so-called baby.
Sam opened the trunk for Dean to throw his bag in before Cas pointedly opened the back seat for him. Dean rolled his eyes but got in without a fight.
As they pulled away from the airstrip, Sam was glad he had ended up behind the wheel. Not that he had actually intended to let the demon drive.
With the adrenaline of flight behind them, Dean was hit with a visible wave of fatigue.
Cas shifted from where he had decided to sit next to the hunter, sliding over closer. Dean rearranged himself to slightly lean on him.
Sam watched the exchange in the rearview mirror. He noted that Dean basically looked like he was half asleep.
When they arrived, he wasn't surprised when the greeting with Charlie was cut short with an excuse of a warm shower.
Cas stayed outside, watching him disappear.
Charlie shifted slightly. "He seems exhausted."
The angel bowed his head. "He was never fully human, but he was close. We've both required some sleep the last few days." He gave a small smile. "I am eager for a proper bed."
"That shelter wasn't bad." Sam said. "I'd almost go so far as to call it 'homey'"
"Dean was the architect. It was warm enough and kept us out of the snow. However the platform left something to be desired."
Charlie crossed her arms. "You should have taken a picture."
Sam laughed slightly. "Sorry."
"We both have missed civilization." Cas said.
"Yeah." Sam said. He sighed. "I wanted to talk to you…"
"I expected as much."
"About the alley behind that bar."
Cas looked down, feeling a flash of strong emotion that he shoved down as quickly as he could.
"Cas, why didn't you tell me?"
"I did not want you to worry." Cas said. "Or take us off the case."
"People could have died. Dean started a fight-"
"Dean did not start the fight. He merely finished it."
Sam frowned. "He provoked them?"
"Only if affection is provoking."
Sam furrowed his brow. "What-?"
"They took objection to Dean and my relationship after observing us at the bar…"
Charlie winced, filling in the blanks with ease.
Sam hesitated. "They-"
"Their leader shot Dean in the head. Another tied a noose around my neck."
"Cas-"
"I do not believe the fight was unjustified." He sighed. "Unfortunate, maybe, but…" He gave a half shrug. "Dean had every motive and opportunity to kill any of them, and did not."
Sam scrubbed a hand over his mouth, sighing. "I guess that's true." He deflated slightly, walking the few steps to lean back against the impala. "Walk me through what happened after." He needed more information than the little he gleamed in the ride back to civilization.
"When we arrived back at the motel, I called you from the car. During our conversation I saw through silhouette that Dean was not alone in the motel room. I apologize for hanging up so abruptly, though I do not believe it would have altered the outcome."
"So Rowena was already there?"
"No." Cas said. "When I got inside Dean was speaking with someone named Garth?"
"Garth?"
"Yes, a hunter whom I gathered you two were acquaintances with prior to him becoming a werewolf."
"Garth is a werewolf!?"
"He had come to town for the same case as us. He heard about the brawl and saw Dean on a security feed. He said he deleted it."
Sam closed his eyes, remembering the post office. Someone deleted the footage; Tall, brown hair, sunglasses. He had thought it was Dean. "But hold on, go back, he's a werewolf?"
"Garth explained he had been a werewolf for a few years. Found a pack that doesn't eat humans."
"I… Do you believe him?"
"I didn't get the sense he was lying… and Dean appeared to take his word for it."
"So he was there… hunting?"
Cas bowed his head in a nod. "He attempted to exorcise Dean before we explained the situation. He will call if he finds anything else that points to Rowena."
Sam blinked. "I'm just processing the idea of Garth being a vegan werewolf… and still hunting."
"He had a lot of interesting things to say on the subject of werewolves."
"Oh I bet he did."
"He is married to a werewolf of second generation."
Charlie leaned forward. "Generation as in-"
"Born a werewolf."
"Huh." Sam said, shaking his head. "Ok." He didn't really have enough energy to fully come to terms with all that and the implications. It could wait for another day.
"Garth had only gone for a few minutes when Rowena appeared. She activated a spell and it locked me down. I couldn't make it to the door to break the salt and let Dean out." He closed his eyes, reliving the heat and Dean's expression. "He asked me to burn off the tattoo so he could teleport."
"You-" Sam paled.
"I used my grace to…" Cas breathed through it. "When the tattoo was gone he was strong enough to break past the salt." Barely. "He attempted to teleport us outside but the spell went off as we left. It flung us into that river up north."
"And you got stuck."
"That spell hit us both. Dean wasn't healed from the tattoo, and I was almost human. We had a first aid kit with that blanket and some matches in Dean's duffel bag. We took shelter, expecting to wait until Dean could get us out of there."
Charlie shook her head. "We didn't want to leave you guys out there that long."
"I appreciate that we did not have to stay longer." He gave another weak smile. "We were almost out of jerky."
Sam huffed a quiet laugh. He took a deeper breath. "Has he had any more of those… freezes or whatever you mentioned?"
Cas' expression darkened slightly. "Yes."
Sam tensed. "What happened?"
"Dean says he is speaking with the Darkness." He said carefully.
"What?"
"When we first removed the mark and the Darkness broke free, Dean was pulled from the cabin."
"I remember."
"He spoke with the Darkness who had taken the form of a woman." He waited for Sam's nod. "He says he has been seeing her, as if in a dream, since then."
Charlie shifted uncomfortably. "What did he say about it?"
"He has been attempting to question her but she has been resistant to his requests."
"Has he learned anything at all?" Sam asked.
"Her name is Amara." Cas said. "He says he's only there for moments each time."
"Nothing about what she wants?"
"Dean's belief is she does not have a plan yet."
"Great. A wild card." Charlie groaned.
Sam crossed his arms. "Do you think these talks or whatever are dangerous?" Sam's instinct was throwing alarm bells left and right but he waited to hear Cas out.
Cas tilted his head, thinking about it. "I do not think so." He sighed. "In the end it may be of benefit. If she makes a plan, perhaps she will tip her hand."
"Yeah maybe." Sam hesitated. "You've been traveling with him… how has he been?" Sam had been so focused on the brawl, but outside of that…
"The difference is stark." Cas said confidently. "He is much closer to who he was prior to the mark. He cares… about things he used to… about you."
"Well that's something at least."
"But not about the car." Cas admitted, looking back at the vehicle behind Sam. "It is jarring to hear him speak about it with so little care."
"He cares about us more than the car." Sam said, shaking his head. "Doesn't sound like himself at all."
Cas gave another gentle laugh. "Fair enough. But he has expressed an almost homesickness, even when not exhausted to partial humanity."
"What do you make of that?"
Cas sighed. "I am not sure. I think for now we should continue as we had been before."
"I can re-do the tattoo." Charlie said.
"You'll likely have to wait until at least tomorrow evening. His wounds have not quite closed yet."
"Jesus." Sam breathed.
"It was quite thorough." Cas agreed, eyes down. "But he is getting close."
"Do you think the salt will hold him now?"
"I have no idea."
"Well." Sam said with a sigh. "Here's hoping." He got the feeling Dean wouldn't run anyway. At the very least, not without Cas. He stood. "What about you?"
"It is not only Dean who is exhausted." Cas admitted, stepping back. "I think I will follow Dean's lead and shower before seeking sleep as well. I am almost restored enough not to require it but…" He sighed. "Perhaps one more night."
"Well, rest up. I'll be right next door." Sam said, clapping him on the shoulder. "I really am glad you two are alright… we saw the motel and… well we were afraid."
"Thank you again for finding us."
"Goodnight, Cas."
"Goodnight, Sam. Charlie."
